The Covert Narcissist and Their Ability To “Get Over It”: The covert narcissist always prides themselves on their ability “to get over it'. Yes, they make posts on social sites that say something to the effect of “My ability to move on is amazing”. Yes it is always all about the narc and that is all that concerns these creeps. Yes the narc gloats and thinks themselves superior and makes a public show of their supposed superiority and strength of having survived “abuse”. Yes according to the narc, they were the victim. Certainly everything that came out of the narc's mouth about the terrible deeds of their ex partner pointed to their victim status. But there is only one problem, those reports of abuse were fabricated out of thin air. Well, the narc has honed there skills of deception for a lifetime and there are always enough naive dupes to champion the narc's cause and hold their hand through that supposed recovery. The narc's smear campaign is a carefully crafted and choreographed farce tailored to the audience that the narc wants to captured the attention of. The new male friend will be fed a tale of woe that requires exactly his talents to make things “right” again. That may involve the creep threatening the ex partner of the narc. A female friend will get a different aspect of the evil that the narc's ex perpetrated. Yes each account is finely tuned to the audience. Yes that narc has made a convincing case and has made many believe that the monster once known as the love of her life, her soul mate, her lifetime partner is one step away from Satan. So where did the narc get their material from if the partner wasn't really the culprit? The narc looked no further than themselves and simply accused the ex of doing everything that they themselves were guilty of, of having all of the attitudes that they themselves were guilty of. The narc also has a library of misdeeds that they have accumulated over a lifetime that can also be re-purposed and attributed to the newly discarded and no longer needed ex. Of course the narc never limits themselves to personal experiences. They will use stories of abuse that others have confided in them and make those experiences their own. They will also just as easily adapt a theme from a movie or a novel and make it their own. Yes the narc ex I had frequently demonized her previous ex and referred to her life as being like Julia Roberts in “Sleeping with the Enemy”. I never saw those parallels at all. I actually saw that ex as being a pretty reasonable person, but why would she lie? I now know. That demonization of the ex and her bonding with a complete stranger is a pattern this creature indulged in for decades. One victim after another. I was simply next in line and I was put into position of savior in that narc's twisted Karpman Drama Triangle. The difference being that the narc was free and not involved with anyone at the time we started the relationship. Was she really free? I am no longer sure about that any more. But that ex certainly seemed repulsed by her. So anyway the narc is convinced of their own victim-hood and thinks it remarkable that they got over it so rapidly. Well here is the answer as to how that narc did it, their well kept secret now revealed: that narc was NEVER a victim. They never suffered trauma or abuse. Any damage the narc suffered was the fallout from their own actions. So yes, the narc can easily move on. After all the narc never made themselves genuinely vulnerable, never loved, never cared, never invested anything more than lip service, future faking and the myriad of other narcissist maneuvers to that relationship. So what's the big deal for the narc. They lost nothing. But of course the narc can never stop there. The true victim has had a very different experience and the only thing the narc can see is that they are far superior, far stronger than their ex and that gives them cause to gloat. The heartless beast will even taunt their destroyed ex and while in the middle of their new relationship tell their ex to “move on” . Yes, a final twist of the knife that was deeply embedded in that victim's soul. One last drop of fuel for the narc to consume before they return to their new idealized partner. Meanwhile the true victim, that narc's ex, the one who bore all of the actual abuse and the lowest form of treachery and cruelty is barely getting by. Yes, those narcs show no mercy and the fact that someone loved them, trusted them, and made themselves vulnerable to the narc is fully taken advantage of by these narcopaths. So the true victim is confronted with a series of shocks that literally blows their whole world apart and makes that victim question reality. Yes, the narc suddenly turned into a stranger, a totally different person than they were for the years and possibly decades you spent with them and that was an incredible shock. The person you thought was your one safe haven from the harsh reality of life suddenly becomes a person threatening your life and your livelihood and departs without a word. That is another incredible shock. When that ex of yours who professed total love, loyalty, and commitment has now just turned off those lifetime promises like a light switch this is more than just a shock, it is unbelievable to the victim. It is unfathomable. The final blow comes when that narc has a sudden new partner and makes a point of letting the ex know how superior that partner is compared to the ex. That calloused narcopath flaunts their instant loyalty and commitment to a new “friend” all over social media deliberately, in hopes of causing the greatest damage to her ex that is possible, The above described scenario, a true one by the way, exposes the genuine victim to a level of evil that no normal human can even conceive of. So in the course of a few weeks a person is cast into the bizarre realm of losing everything and being so overwhelmed they don't even know how to start putting back together the pieces. The help comes when you finally realize your partner was a covert narcissist and slowly over time you begin to put together the pieces of who that person was, what they were really doing and thinking while in the relationship with you. You begin to understand what it was inside of you that made you vulnerable to these narcs and over time you begin to heal. But the revelations of that fraud that was perpetrated upon you by the narcissist make you angrier and angrier and then a whole new set of problems occurs, you have the need to seek vengeance. So that needs to be overcome as well. The point to be made is that this fraud committed against the narc abuse victim is so comprehensive and at such an extreme level that the damage that narc does goes incredibly deep. It is not uncommon for people to never fully recover. Years and decades of suffering from that abuse are also typical. Why? Because the narc took everything from that victim, gave absolutely nothing and took absolutely no responsibility for that ex partner's emotional state. Yes that narc was callously unconcerned about their partner and only concerned with themselves. Only intense study and awareness give that victim any possible hope of recovery. No help will be coming from the narc and sadly most outsiders can't understand the problem that narc abuse victim has of moving on. So the victim finds help on their own and hopefully is able to interact with other narc abuse victims. Any way it is done this journey of recovery takes an enormous amount of time and effort. So no the victim, the GENUINE victim isn't going to be gloating about their amazing ability to move on. That victim will be grateful to have gotten through another 24 to 48 hours of existence. That victim will learn to live with intense emotional pain 24 7. That victim will have to bear an existence devoid of any hope or joy for months and potentially years on end. But the fog eventually does lift, slowly but surely, with many relapses along the way. So the narc is clearly clueless as to what it means to be a victim and the fake phony fraud covert narcissist will give themselves away one hundred times over. True victim status humbles a person. makes them grateful for every breath they take. Makes them grateful for that release from the pain, contrite. No, victim status isn't something that can be faked by using catch phrases and sound bytes learned by mimicking true narc abuse victims. Sure many people can be fooled by the narc posing as victim, but those who understand covert narcs will not be numbered among them. You can't fake humility, or true grief, or the loss of something or someone important to you. The easier way to profess victim status is to simply demonize the ex partner and that is one major giveaway that you are dealing with a narcissist. The narc demonizes their ex, especially when with a new friend to provide comfort, but has a surprising lack of attachment to their ex partner. That narc that fakes victim status isn't doing soul searching wringing their hands and trying to understand why things went wrong. The covert narc has no need whatsoever to resolve issues with their ex partner or get closure. Why? Because only the true victim wants answers and the perpetrator that has defrauded another human being certainly doesn't want any contact or conversation with the person they defrauded. Only the victim needs to have answers and closure. No you won't hear narcs speak of how much they miss their ex partner or cared about their partner. You won't observe a narc seeking answers or desiring any discussion whatsoever with their ex partner. All a narc can and will do is launch their typical sad smear campaign. So does that narc really believe themselves to be victimized by their ex partner? Possibly, since it is a role they cherish being in. But how in the world can someone with no empathy or ability to feel remorse and no conscience even begin to truly comprehend what it means to lose someone you love? How can someone understand emotional abuse when they are incapable of feeling emotions that make you vulnerable? The answer is they can't but they learn from other genuine victims and mimic. However, the keen observer can tell. Being that narcs can't understand victim status, how could you explain it to them? Well not that they really care to truly understand it after all that would require empathy. Yes empathy, thinking about others, is a waste of time for a narc. So anyway lets put things in perspective and compose a hypothetical letter to a covert narcissist. A narc would never listen or try to comprehend, but a victim might benefit. A recent bizarre encounter in the comment section with a clear cut covert narcissist that was most likely my ex will be the inspiration for this hypothetical letter. A letter to a narc might go something like this: So you are the victim and a magnificent person that was able to overcome the abuse that I perpetrated against you? You insist that you know me but refuse to show me that you are a person that I know. The person you describe as your ex is someone I don't know. The terrible traits you ascribe to this person are things I never did or said yet you insist you are my ex and that I am an evil person and that you are a victim. So what exactly did I do to you? You give vague references to misogynism and a person saying “it's a man's world” well that isn't me. That isn't how I feel about women and I never said those things. Yes the person who abused and threatened and physically and emotionally attacked and stole from me and cheated and perpetrated the lowest form of cruelty, duplicity and treachery against me had the appearance of being a woman, so I made references to “she” and “her” in many of my videos. But that partner wasn't really a woman or even a real human being at all, she was a covert narcissist. I love and respect women and I will not go into details about my personal life that you are well aware of that prove that without a doubt. You talk about manipulation. Please explain. As I recall it was you who were telling me what to do and how to do it, even in areas you had no expertise in. My role in the workplace required me to take the lead and give direction, but that was a function of my responsibilities. Certainly you don't have any evidence of that type of behavior in our personal life? We had a disagreement and that was all because of your outrageous and unjustified calloused behavior and you turned on me like a rabid animal, then initiated no contact. Within hours you launched a smear campaign of totally fabricated lies against me. Then you all of the sudden had a new intimate partner that you confided everything to. Judging by the snippets you just supplied me I can't even imagine the person you made me into in those smears. I'd probably laugh about it now if I ever found out what you said about me, but in another way I would be sad that a person could be so profoundly mentally ill. So yes you moved on long ago but how dare you interject yourself into my life and presume to tell me that I should have moved on as well. You never understood what it is to be a genuine victim. You haven't a clue or concern for that matter of the deep damage you did to me so it becomes clear why you tell me I should have moved on just like you did. That statement clearly shows your total ignorance as to the harm you did to me. Well for your information I have moved on and I am doing well and nearly healed, thank you for asking. Oh that's right you never asked nor cared for that matter. So you think I should have moved on fully by now? Well let me ask you when a rapist gets away with their vicious act do you think they have a problem getting over it? When someone gets away with robbing a bank or assaulting someone do they have problems moving on? No, of course not, they got away with their crimes and actually feel a sense of pride for having pulled off their acts. Do you think Bernie Madoff had problems moving on? You have missed the point totally. In each and every case it is the victims who have been given a huge burden to overcome, the victims who were put in a deep hole and the victims who had to get over resentment and anger due to ACTUAL abuse. Do you think losing your life savings to a narcopathic shyster and having to live a much compromised lifestyle for the rest of your existence will be gotten over in one week? You never saw it but you gave yourself away when you crowed like a rooster as to how strong you were and resilient you were right after you attacked then discarded me. You still had plenty of time and energy to engage in all sorts of evil treachery didn't you? You still had plenty of boldness to come to my business multiple times and make terroristic threats against me didn't you? Plenty of time to engage in that relationship with your new friend. Well, the true victim, the person YOU victimized wasn't doing all that well and you knew it. You refused to speak to that person or lift a finger to help. Instead you heaped as much abuse on that person that you could muster. But you are the victim? OK, whatever you say. It doesn't much matter to me anymore. What does matter is when you attempt to harass me and try to tell me what to do. I didn't choose to be a victim or even want to be one. That status was bestowed upon me by you and you alone. How dare you presume to think these videos are all about you. Yes that evil you perpetrated against me is the driving force but believe me they aren't about you narcissist, even if you do play a role in the making of them. You are history. These videos are for the genuine victims and yes they are therapeutic for me as well. You were the mentor that gave me a glimpse into the darkness, the unbelievable depravity that can exist in the dark calloused barren heart of the narcissist. I cared about you and studied you in an effort to make good on that lifetime commitment to your mental health. So all I need to do is describe all of the things you did and how you did them and I am describing what everyone can clearly see as a covert narcissist. No I don't need to study narcissism, I lived with it and learned all about it from you. How dare you tell me how to feel or what to think or to get over it and move on. You have no right to even talk to me or communicate with me if you don't have the courage to identify yourself and speak clearly and truthfully with an earnest desire to have a two way discussion. No, you don't want to talk and you don't care. You just wanted to disrupt and disturb the peace and tear down as much of the progress I have made as possible. NO you won't succeed. The terrible abuse you perpetrated belongs to me. It was purchased with my own blood sweat and tears and you have no right to claim any of it. Yes you were the perpetrator, but make no mistake those experiences of being a victim belong to me and not you. So go on with your life. The way you feel about me today shows without a doubt that you NEVER loved me or ever cared. That's another way you gave yourself away. The way you feel about me now is the exact way you felt about me when you tricked me into a relationship, told me I was the greatest person for you, your soul mate and told me you loved me. You had no love or concern for me then and you have no love or concern for me now. There is no difference in you. But there is a huge difference in me. I see you for the fake phony fraud that you are now and were every minute you spent with me. So those intimate times we had together turn my stomach knowing now that you never cared or ever intended to commit the rest of your life to me.

Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.                                                                                                                                                                   End of video commentary:                           

Remember: A clear concise honest and open two way discussion with narcissist is a near impossibility. The narcopath always has to muddy the waters, be deceptive. That was the case when you first met that narc but you didn’t know enough about them to realize how much they were warping reality and misrepresenting themselves. You didn't realize their agreement with you and your way of thinking was just a ploy. That deceptiveness became even more pronounced during the idealization phase and although you were somewhat skeptical about that narc's enthusiasm and flattery, you still didn’t have a frame of reference that could allow you to assess the veracity of interaction you were having with that narc, because your interactions with them were still limited. The deception came full force during the devaluation phase and by then that narc had you so mentally disoriented that you had no idea what was real and what wasn’t real anymore. The discard came suddenly and as a shock with no apparent explanation that made sense. Yes even then you were clueless that the love of your life was a creature from hell that never cared or ever uttered a truthful statement if they could get away with a lie instead. But you learned and healed and put yourself back together and then one day out of the blue that narc decided to “talk” to you. Well this time you saw clearly and the sick perverse way that narc tried to gaslight, disorient and devalue was fully comprehended and it turned your stomach to have to watch that display of depravity. The vitriol and venomous words launched at you had no power whatsoever, because you saw them for the obvious lies they were. Yes you were healed, but that narc was still exactly the same. No different than the day they first darkened your doorstep and no different than the day they told you “their search was over”, that you were the person they had been waiting for their whole life, no different than on their fifth birthday. That narc was the same or maybe even worse. Sad.