Letting the Covert Narcissist Win at Their Own Game Many covert narcissist abuse victims are left stranded and confused and one of the avenues of clearing up the tangled mess created by the narcopath is to seek answers through YouTube videos. Yes, it is true trained psychologists and other mental health professionals are the correct resource for many a victim. Those who feel they need immediate help should pursue that course of action and seek out a professional to get that help. Yes, in the end every video created is usually the opinion of its creator based on that person's individual experience. We hope these videos are presented sincerely and with the greatest amount of accuracy possible. But again they are opinion and should be viewed as such. There is no doubt that the conclusions drawn by people that have been abused by a covert narcopath are the editorial portion of any video. No, these conclusions aren't always based on pure psychology and should never be seen as a professional grade opinion. Only the actual occurrences, the actual abuse that is recounted, as seen from the vantage point of the victim can be viewed as having any firm foundation. It should be clear that even those detailed descriptions of the abuse that occurred in the relationship will be biased to one extent or another. You depend on the integrity, on the honesty and accuracy of the presenter. You depend on the fidelity of that person's memory. The proof of the value of any video is when it confirms what you yourself have already concluded. The value of a video directly correlates with the actual benefit it gives you. Yes, many of those anecdotal stories told by a narc abuse victim have value in and of themselves. The insights provided by those victims who have walked the path to recovery are also solid gold for many a victim that is only in the beginning stages of their recovery. Knowing that someone has been where you are now and has gotten themselves back gives weight to that person's opinion and conclusions even if that person's situation was far different from your own. The other important thing to make note of is that the variety of videos available to the narc abuse victim means that there is the possibility of finding a presenter with similar reactions to narcissist abuse as your own. Finding someone that “is on your wavelength” so to speak. So let's be clear, finding out that a whole portion of your life, possibly years and decades of that life, was a farce perpetrated upon you comes as a total shock to most of us. Yes we look back to a time before the concept of covert narcissism ever even entered our brain, a time when we actually thought that someone cared about us and loved us and gradually move our thoughts forward in time with close scrutiny of the events of that relationship as it unfolded. It takes hours of analysis, self introspection, and careful reflection for many victims to get to the point in time where they begin to understand in high detail the game that was being played. Yes, eventually we totally comprehend the dynamic of that fake relationship and come to the undeniable conclusion that we were actually always all alone. That person we thought was there for us was never there at all. That warm feeling we got when we thought we were entering a house full of love was an illusion. Yes we projected the love and the respect and the tolerance that we had for our covert narc partner onto them. We had that person's back and we believed without a doubt that they had ours. Yes, of course we knew there was an element of faith involved. Our belief and faith in that partner was a function of love. But we now understand it was blind faith and totally misplaced. That narc was never worthy of our love and never had any appreciation of that love other than to use it as a tool of manipulation. We totally understood that each and every person, including ourselves is selfish to one extent or another. But we believed in love and more importantly we believed that our partner did love us, even if they had difficulty showing it. We believed in the magical and remarkable quality of love that makes us care about another more than we care for ourselves, because that was true for us. Yes love implies that we share each others burdens and sometimes one partner needs more support or energy than another. We were more than happy to give far more than we received. We gave kindness, we were deeply concerned with the troubled chaotic covert narcissist and we were dedicated to being there for them no matter how difficult the situation or circumstances. That was the meaning of love for us. We believed wholeheartedly, that despite the abusive nature of that narc and their questionable loyalty and commitment that they did love us, even though it may have been very difficult for them to put our needs ahead of theirs. But then we find out it was all a lie. Yes our lives were nothing more than a ruse based on lies, deception, gaslighting, future faking and every other form of depraved debauchery that a covert narcissist so freely indulges in as they disrespect the very nature of what a relationship is and should be. Yes that narcopath was simply an abusive user, getting sick pleasure out of tormenting someone and gleefully thinking themselves wise and superior to that person who was foolish enough to actually swallow those lies that the narc was generating. So no, that narc never loved you or even cared about you and that is a reality that requires a lot of work to even begin to be able to comprehend. It requires us to edit, rewrite, and reinterpret whole sections of our lives. Events that we cherished and made our own. Events that had huge significance to us as individuals and the relationship as a whole are now seen in a completely new light. So yes it takes time to understand what really happened to you. It takes time to actually believe that depraved, low life sacks of filth, with nothing but pure poison and selfishness flowing through their veins actually exist. It takes many hours of introspection and analysis to come to the conclusion that the intimate partner that you thought of as the greatest gift ever given to you was one of these creeps. But eventually it becomes very clear that your ex was a covert narcissist. So the skeptics will ask: How can you tell? How can you label someone a covert narcissist being that you aren't a professional? The answer is that the proof is in the pudding. When that narc was done with the relationship and no longer had any use for the victim, that narcissist's pure selfishness and depraved attitude to a supposed lifetime partner came out without any camouflage whatsoever. No way, no how could anyone who ever cared about or loved another human being simply throw a partner of years and decades under the bus without explanation. Yes, cheating and adultery occurs all of the time, as do all sorts of other infidelities, but the narc sets themselves apart from a partner who makes a mistake and is genuinely remorseful. That narc, when they no longer have any use for the partner, simply refuses to expend any energy whatsoever on that partner. That ex can literally jump off of a bridge and the narc could care less. Some narcs actually go the extra mile and try their best to get that former ex to destroy themselves. Yes triangulation means that a narc and their new partner actually get a thrill out of destroying that ex partner. That bridge jump or the destruction of a whole business would be seen as an achievement that actually bonds that covert narc with their new partner. How sick to actually think that destroying a person's life or even worse getting them to destroy it themselves is something to celebrate and feel good about. No that covert narcissist when they are done, doesn't even put the effort in to pretend to be remorseful or have a conscience. The victim puts together the pieces and it becomes clear that their ex partner was a covert narcissist. So the anger sets in. The incredible rage at finding out that you were purposefully lied to, deceived, and used. The realization that another person was playing games and reveling at their ability to pull it all off means that the victim has an incredible amount of toxicity to purge from themselves. Yes the narc won and is gloating all the way to that new relationship, using every chance possible to advertise the superiority of their new partner. Yes the narc WON, they won big time and you lost. The greater the destruction of your life the greater that covert narcissist's gain. So what does the victim do about it all? Well there are plenty of videos that will tell you how to beat the covert narcissist or how to get revenge, or how to even the score, and every single victim is curious about how this can be done. Yes every single victim to one extent or another wants the satisfaction of paying back the covert narcissist personally. But is that really the solution? Is that how you vanquish the narcissist? Is that how you finally free yourself and have the strength to go on and feel good about yourself again? Well apparently that does work for some. Maybe a person could keep their integrity and their morality and give that narcissist a dose of their own medicine. Maybe a person could simply maintain truthfulness and never ever endeavor to threaten the narcissist in any way. Yes it is potentially possible to take action defensively, in and only in self defense, as long as it doesn't come at the expense of making any threats to the well being of that narcopath. But in many cases your existence as a human being that is still alive and standing may be the greatest annoyance that you could ever give to the narcopath. The fact that you are aware of all that they did to you and have no fear whatsoever to expose narcissists and their kind will never sit well with any covert narcissist. The very fact that you, who have no choice but to deal with the consequences of that narcopath's abuse, have refused to return to the narcissist any form of similar retribution is like a wooden stake into the narcissist's false narrative of being the victim. Every one of that narc's fake and phony accounts of the so-called abuse and evil that you supposedly committed can either be placed into question and dissolved by your harmlessness or confirmed by your need for revenge. Yes the narc projected their own treachery, disloyalty, lack of commitment, future faking and more importantly all of the toxic abuse onto the victim. Yes, according to the narcissist, you were guilty of precisely all that narcissist had done to you. Many flying monkeys believed. But it is the very fact that you have remained harmless that shows without a doubt that the narc's accusations are built upon a foundation of lies and deception. Yes the narc would be more than happy for you to try to settle the score on your own. You would play right into that creep's hand and above all you would be damaging yourself. Even if you could covertly terrorize that narcissist and get away with it, how on earth will this ever help you to repair the damage to your self image that you are now perpetrating upon yourself? In the end what you have that gives you immense power over the narcissist and possibly their new partner is that you have the truth. Yes, the only actual abuse committed is solely on the shoulders of the covert narcissist and their partner. That is strength and it is hard won, takes hard work, and is an ongoing struggle that gets easier over time. Do you understand the power of that? It is an attitude that is diametrically opposed to that of the narcissist. It requires a level of maturity that you may not even have been previously capable of. It gives you the power to eventually fully heal and free yourself of all of the toxic damage that the covert narcissist inflicted upon you. Letting that narc have the last word and “win” is the ultimate revenge. That narc has branded themselves like a bad tattoo that makes people cringe but that person thinks that somehow they have made themselves superior. Let that narc tattoo themselves with their depravity and their wins from head to toe. It is their choice and their responsibility. The minute you mix that narc's damage to your self esteem with damage you do to yourself, you leave the narc with a way out. You give at least some plausibility to the creep. You have every right to expose covert narcissism, but libelous activity or covert threats brings you down to the level of the covert narcissist. Yes you can warn people about an individual, but the details must be kept to a minimum unless you are dealing with law enforcement. Let the narcissist and their partner remain in the swamp. Keep your hands as clean as possible. After all, flushing the narcissist's toxicity that contaminated every pore of your being out of your system should be your entire focus. Yes this is one victim's opinion. But it is also one person's experience. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. End Comments: When you boil it all down to its essence you can

say that the narcissist was a waste of your time. A waste of a whole segment of your life. The

best we can do is minimize any further losses. Those of us lucky enough to never have married

or shared children with a narcissist have the possibility of restoring ourselves back to before

we ever met the narcissist. Yes, we just erase that narcissist from our lives,

retain the valuable insight gained and resume where we left off. Many of us were headed on the right track before the narc threw a monkey wrench into everything. So we go on and realize it's OK to be alone and we can be happy that way since it goes without saying that being alone is far better than a

relationship with a narcissist. We won't be insisting on or forcing a relationship any time soon. Not that we were even looking before that narc interjected themselves into our lives. Yes many of us were patiently waiting for the right situation with the right person to present itself to us. The narc insisted that they were that person. What a joke. The joke was on us and we have hopefully learned from that experience. Our “loss” will turn out to be a great gain as time unfolds just as the narc's “win” will pay them “dividends” as well. The narc brings their own misery upon themselves and no one should feel bad for these heartless creeps. They set themselves up. They sowed the wind and will reap the whirlwind. That's wisdom. Peace for us, turmoil and nothing good to look forward to for the narc. That's justice. Not our problem.