What Lies Beneath the Mask of the Covert Narcissist:

Metaphors are used to describe the covert narcissist for good reason. Metaphors are the easiest way to get another human being to better understand what the internal workings of a covert narcissist and the effects of their actions on others are all about. Metaphors cut to the core and simply give the reader the closest experience and comprehension possible. They create the nearest approximation to the actual emotional atmosphere inside the narcopath and give a good idea of what motivates these demons. These depictions can be cartoonish and even appear to be outrageous, but on closer examination, yes metaphors are the simplest way to present the information and get others to comprehend. Calling a female narcopath a black widow ( a tag my ex partner actually seemed to enjoy when I ascribed it to her while in the relationship), is far more efficient than getting into the cumbersome details that end up giving the same impression. Calling a male narcopath a vampire says it all without describing the use and abuse or the way a narcopath drains us of all of our energy and puts us under a spell. The Bible uses parables all of the time to describe things that can't be described in earthly terms, in addition to using metaphors as tools to more clearly illustrate a concept that might otherwise be difficult to understand. So we are given a good example that correctly used, metaphors can be beneficial and worthwhile. The person using these metaphors may not be using them properly, but that is a different discussion. So yes, metaphors are useful, but they are also vulnerable when used by people trying to make a serious point. Yes, many can simply view these metaphors as embellishments, as exaggerations and not even bother to listen to the message. So a balance has to be reached and to do this we describe covert narcissism using both realistic precise language and use the metaphors to keep the narrative flowing and not bogging down. There is no clean way to present covert narcissism without forgetting the actual impact this condition has on the targets that are victimized. Sure, we can put on our lab coats and get out our clip boards and be clinical about the subject, or we can give a PowerPoint presentation with bullet points and all. Yes, this cleans things up, but is this the help that a broken victim can hold onto and absorb? Does this give peace and actually bring practical resolution to all of the unanswered questions? Does it even begin to address the emotional damage and disruption created by these covert sacks of filth? Maybe for some it does, but many victims need practical advice and they need to hear the unedited, unsanitized version of events. They need the emotional issues addressed on an equally emotional basis.
Yes we call covert narcissists who purposely victimize a target that never showed them anything but kindness creeps, we call them sacks of filth, ghouls, call them depraved, twisted, sick, misguided, childish, immature. We call covert narcissists liars, corrupted, perverted, degenerate, treacherous, and yes we call them evil. Some of these descriptions are metaphors, others are simply describing what a covert narcissist actually did or how they acted. To give one example, treachery is called treachery because someone actually betrayed our trust. Perfidious says it all about the narcopath as a partner but that has little emotional impact. Yes, every single synonym for perfidious is spot on for the narcopath: treacherous, duplicitous, deceitful, disloyal, faithless, unfaithful, traitorous, treasonous, false, untrue, double-dealing, dishonest, two-faced, Janus-faced, untrustworthy, false-hearted, double-faced, truthless, Punic. But sometimes its best to call these covert narcopaths lying cheating sacks of filth. That gives all of the description that we need when a point needs to be made efficiently. Calling a narcopath evil is another thing altogether because it implies judgment. But even most secular people would agree that it is important to treat other people as we would like to be treated ourselves. We all speak about the good that exists in everyone and want to believe this is a fact, so let's briefly look back to any person's childhood. We are all born with the innate capacity to know right from wrong. Children are born with the capacity to lie, cheat, and steal and they are also born with the ability to know that these things are wrong and to try to do good. So somewhere along the course of that narco paths existence they did know the difference between right and wrong and they did make a conscious decision to embrace their own dark side. To ignore doing what they knew was right. This behavior and that decision has created the adult narcopath that does all of the damage they do without any guilt, remorse, or trace of conscience. Yes we call these people evil because they are. They decided to be evil because they refused to do what they knew was right. But here is the chilling thing about it, at least from my individual experience: These narcopaths have become so depraved that they actually admire and embrace evil people and consider them superior. To extend this one step further, these narcs, knowing they have exposed themselves, manifest their own evil without filtering it at all and what you see boggles the mind. You see a creature that isn't even human, a being that doesn't even have the veneer of decency since it knows it can no longer pretend. A being that knows it is evil and in it's own twisted way is proud of being evil. Yes I actually witnessed this first hand when the person that was my supposed refuge from the harshness of the world fully embraced their dark side without any filter at all. A person that I thought just hours before was a good person who had been hardened and warped by bad breaks in life and needed to be understood ended up casting away that person I knew them as like a mask, and replaced my beloved with a demon in human flesh. That creature was a life-form that was based on a foundation of evil, not good. A being that drew it's energy from being evil and had a mindset that would clearly allow it to do any act it could get away with. No different than the worst perpetrators we all hear about in the news and that make names for themselves. Yes beings that live in a negative universe, where evil reigns supreme. Yes, covert narcissists know full well that they need to pretend to be like the average human and have to pretend to be a person who lives a life based on a foundation of doing what is right, what is good. But that is only an act, to get along in the world. The narc still knows right from wrong and although they have fully embraced evil they do understand they need to give the appearance of propriety and decency, the appearance of believing in doing what is “right”, and the appearance of being against what is “wrong”, for them to continue feeding on victims. Yes the narc does what is necessary to continue victimizing people and that means first and foremost being seen as a “good” and even an “exceptional” human being. Covert narcopaths highly value their false veneer of decency and philanthropy, and expend enormous efforts in maintaining the projection of their false aura of being a charitable person. Nothing matters more to the narcopath than public opinion, how others see them, their “billboard”. Why? Simply because it gives these heartless ghouls the positive energy they can never get enough of, energy they can never generate on their own. Publicly that narc feeds on and in some ways with the advent of social media actually becomes addicted to how the public sees them. This energy from others will be taken any way it is given in the form of attention, admiration, and if possible even adulation. But very little of that attention is gained honestly or merited. Sharing on YouTube and Twitter is encouraged and actually helps content creators but it has limited if any value on certain other sites which are based primarily on individuals sharing their own content. This was true of the social site site that my ex partner was addicted to. So, on that unnamed site, the narc took from others, even while giving those people credit, because in the end it was all about the covert narc bringing attention to themselves. Yes, posting what others had created and calling this a tribute to them still got the narc attention and was a subtle way for the narc to flatter and praise social site celebrities. The narc I knew shamelessly “shared” the posts of others and was licking the boots of every famous person that might possibly take notice of her. In fact she lured in the weasel new partner with precisely this method in tandem with of course making sure she posted some “innocently” placed pictures of herself on her site as well. Sad. So the narc will always publicly give the appearance of being a good and exceptional person, simply because it gives them the most attention or positive energy possible and the relative expenditure or cost to the narc is minimal. Only the bare essentials are done to maintain their false persona that everyone assumes is genuine. But the creature inside is a very different animal altogether, with a belief system and motivational forces that would shock most people to their core. This facade of exceptionalism is however never extended to those closest to the narcopath. Yes these “chosen” intimate partners get all of the bile and vitriol and experience emotional, mental, psychological and possibly even physical abuse. Yet each and every one of those people who are close to the narc still somehow in their own way believe there must be a good person deep inside waiting to get out. Someone who just needs a little bit more love and a little bit more patience and understanding. Nope. Mercifully, many victims never see that creature behind the mask and that spares these people additional trauma. But those of us who did experience the pure unadulterated malevolence, the palpable evil still could hardly believe it. We wanted to be wrong. We desperately wanted to believe the narc was simply “not in their right mind”. But no opposing evidence ever came. On the contrary, the triangulation with the new partner and the continued abuse simply reinforced the fact that these cretins literally revel in perpetrating evil whenever they can get away with it. In my personal experience, months and years later I have still not witnessed an iota of remorse or guilt in my ex or any evidence whatsoever that these creeps have a shred of a conscience. But one thing the healed victim does see and see very clearly when one of these creeps decides to make a visit years later: They see before them an unrepentant pathological liar who couldn't tell the truth if their lives depended on it. I strongly suspect that I wasn't the first to see the creature below my partner's mask. This woman made vile threats to others and never once even thought anything wrong with what they had done. Yes when my partner told me she had “taken care of a problem” I would have never suspected in a hundred years the way she “solved” that problem of hers. But I have a very good idea now. Yes this creep did the unthinkable in the way that she threatened and never had an ounce of remorse for it. To hear her talk of it you would assume there was nothing to be remorseful for. But it was an error to assume that the problem was solved like a human being would solve it, not like a demonic thug would. Yes what we saw below the mask was the real thing, the core of a warped twisted narcopath. A person capable of anything and having no problem getting a good nights sleep. The only limiting factor is the fear of being caught and publicly exposed. No this wasn't a “flash in the pan”, a “one off” brought on by circumstances, it was an unmasking plain and simple and a revelation of the true nature of the beast. A full on face to face encounter with the genuine being that inhabited the flesh of the person we thought was our partner. That being lives there 24/7 and was there long before you met the narcopath and will most likely be there until the end. So how is the mindset of a narcopath really all that different from that of a psychopath, other than being overly concerned with image? It is my sincerest hope that the person I encountered is one of the worst of her kind and that most of the other covert narcissists out there are far less harmful. Yes, even a person with a limited capacity for empathy and limited capacity to feel remorse or have a conscience will hopefully follow some watered down version of a moral compass. But that is only a hope. Others will need to give examples of narcopaths that actually cared enough to try to limit the damage to another human being. Others will need to give examples of a covert narcissist with genuine remorse or one who had a genuine turnaround. I have yet to hear of such a narcopath. To sum it all up, what is it that we have a glance at, what is it that we see and all of its in-glory when we look at that narcopath without their mask? Yes that is a metaphor, we don't actually physically “see”, but we do feel the strong emotions, the strong vibes emanating from the creature. Vibes that the average covert narcopath cloaks, and masks so carefully from the outside world. We feel palpable evil and malevolence that is devoid of even a shred of decency or kindness or grace or compassion. A being filled with unwarranted hatred and devoid of even the smallest trace of love. No the narc has no love whatsoever, because they are an entity that bases their existence on evil. The narc doesn't love others, they will never love life, because that requires being satisfied, content, and at peace, and they don't love themselves. The narc can't love because that would require them to acknowledge the importance of basing their lives on the light, basing it on trying to be good, not on the darkness. That being we encountered that has no compassion, mercy, or any feelings whatsoever for anyone else but themselves is the self same being that we thought loved us and believed loved us. Never in a million years would we have suspected that it was all a lie. The truth is we were intimately involved with someone that would ruthlessly destroy us if necessary as long as they could get away with it. We made ourselves vulnerable and placed all of our trust, all of our hopes and belief and faith in someone who knew they were evil and they were even proud of that fact.




Yes, on the turn of a dime at “ground zero” when the target sees the unimaginable, a covert narcissist whose mask has fallen, they can't believe their eyes and they refuse to believe. It's simply too much to absorb, to take in. But time and healing gives clarity and eventually we can process and comprehend what we were looking at when we got that unfiltered glance into the heart of darkness. Yes, it may be years later, but eventually we know exactly what we were looking at. We were face to face with a creature who truly believes that it is good to be evil, who truly believes that lying is just fine. A person who doesn’t have a trace of conscience or remorse. A person who simply played a game and pretended to be someone who we thought we could love and rely on. Yes, we now understand what we were looking at and understand it much more clearly today than all of those years ago. How can there be any redemption for a person who has made the foundation of their entire existence the exact opposite of love, of kindness, of respect, of truth, of compassion, of mercy, of grace, of generosity of spirit? How can there be redemption for someone who has based the whole foundation of their lives on evil and not good?
We all have to take the journey of finding out the truth if we are ever able to get ourselves back. Maybe for some of us the truth is that our partner is basically a good person who made a mistake. That is the outcome every single victim wants to have. Good. But for those of us who now understand that we saw what we saw under that mask and no evidence to the contrary ever came, we also got our truth. Yes despite our best wishes and giving every feasible positive interpretation to what we found out, we still had no other possibility than to conclude that our partner was a covert narcopath. Yes, let these people go away, go far away and never come back and let us hope that the damage they would like to do to others is curtailed and limited. That person's fate is out of our hands. We aren’t the judge, we aren't the jury, and we aren’t concerned with their punishment any more. All we can do is warn and give people the tools to identify and avoid covert narcissists. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. End Comments: When you boil it all down, the essence of your association with the covert narcissist was simply one thing: It was a waste of your time. Everything associated with that covert narcissist was a waste of your resources. The time and effort you put in to trying to understand that narc when you first met them. The time and effort you put in to try to make things better for them. The time and effort you put into planning a future together. All wasted. Yes in a way the narcopath actually stole the substance of your life on this earth. While in the relationship and sadly, long after.
No we won’t even get into the destruction of your life, the incredible emotional pain caused, the hopelessness that the narc inflicted during the whole of the relationship and that was exponentially ramped up at the end. No doubt, the actual pain and suffering caused by that narcopath's abuse during the relationship is what produced most of the damage for the majority of victims. But in a strange way, nearly as much and for some victims even more damage is done in the few hours and weeks after the “unmasking” than all of the harm done over the course of many years. The wickedness of the triangulation can be nearly unbearable. Yes, the aftereffects of that abuse, the post traumatic damage to your psyche, is what gave rise to the inability to heal and delayed you from being able to move on. So, because it took so long to heal from that abuse that was additional time that was wasted. There’s nothing more valuable on this earth that we have than our time and therefore ultimately the narc stole our lives. Yes the Christian understands that this world is “not where it's at”, but that doesn't at all diminish the importance of our earthly existence.
We can't change the past. The only thing we can do at this point is make our best attempt at making something good out of a bad situation. Try to create good from the evil that the narcopath brought into our life. God helps. In fact, one of God's many talents is that He can create good from evil. So sometimes we just need to get out of God's way.
Yes, at the end when the narc was “done” with us they couldn't exit with grace, like a human being. The narcissist, being that they never cared or loved, actually put a great amount of effort in to destroy us. But instead they brought us closer to God. Instead, they forced us to focus our minds. Instead, they forced us to become people we never aspired to be, with a level of maturity we really didn’t even want to have to go to. The result of all of that is that our lives have the potential to be far better than they were before the narcopath, far superior. But those gains should never be credited to the narcopath. Those gains are the result of our own efforts, the help of God, and the help of any other people that were kind enough to help us get out of that incredible hole we were in. One Solution to the target's problem: Be aware that we have a tendency to attract “fruit loops” and an inability to recognize them for what they are. When one of these people starts flattering you, head for the hills. Get far far away, if not physically at least emotionally.