Will the Covert Narcissist Return, Are They “Watching” You? Will the narc return? Are they thinking about you? Are they keeping tabs on you? Every single targeted victim is interested in having answers to these questions. Every single victim wants to know and after a discard even needs to know. Definitive answers to these questions are almost meaningless, since each and every narcopath and each and every relationship was different. So the answer is complicated. A healed victim is as emotionally detached from the answers to these questions as possible. They simply don't care what the narcopath is doing or what they are thinking. They want these toxic creeps out of their minds, out of their headspace, and out of their hearts. A healed victim simply wants a full mental and emotional divorce to go along with that physical separation. But that is a difficult task for the target that was victimized by a covert narcissist. The reason that target has so many problems achieving this goal is because they were abused and traumatized, they were assaulted emotionally, psychologically, mentally, and possibly physically. They were lied to and had incredible treachery and fraud perpetrated against them. That all creates damage that needs to be repaired and emotional baggage that is very difficult to unload. But those issues have all been resolved for the healed victim. On the other hand, the freshly awakened target has a long road ahead of them, a journey of discovery, a steep learning curve. A newly awakened victim needs to learn what the actual dynamics of that fake relationship with the narcopath were. That target always assumed and incorrectly assumed that their partner actually loved them and cared about them, was an actual human being with an emotional attachment, was a person who actually invested themselves into their partner and the relationship and the future to be shared together. Maybe they were. Maybe this was just a normal relationship that ended up in an emotional train wreck. Maybe that target was a victim of unintended circumstances. Yes, that ex partner of theirs was a good person placed in a bad situation. They really did care. Right? Every single one of those possibilities is hoped for by a victim whose partner ghosted and went no contact. A partner who left without explanation and suddenly had a new relationship and flaunted it in ways to make sure that the targeted ex partner received maximum pain and damage. All of this done purposefully, by design, carefully choreographed and executed to strike the most devastating blow possible while at the same time ensuring that the discarded ex was given no recourse, no ability to respond whatsoever. No opportunity at all was given to receive any answers as to what just happened or receive any feedback. Yes that ex partner was shut out, and the strict policy of no contact ended up being just another form of abusing that ex partner. Yes that narc and their weasel partner had a bonding experience straight from the inner reaches of hell. Yes the weasel partner actually convinced themselves they were noble to do damage to another human being they never even met, all based on the word of a pathological liar. The very notion of interjecting yourself into a relationship and preventing a discarded partner from getting any closure and then thinking they are deserving of that relationship is the height of wickedness. So the answer becomes glaringly obvious: No, that covert narcissist never loved or cared. That covert narcissist wasn't a good person placed in a bad situation, they were an evil person displaying their true nature. No that covert narc wasn't out of their mind, they were in their right mind. Certainly the excuse of “not being yourself” evaporates years and months after the discard, doesn't it? The big tell is that years later the narc is still lying just as before and continues to not have any feelings of guilt remorse or display any evidence of a conscience. Covert narcissism confirmed. Just like the wealthy Ponzi schemer or the bank robber who destroyed the lives of numerous people saying they were not themselves at the time and yet they continue to live in the luxury given to them by those ill gotten gains. The actions of these filthy creeps show quite clearly that they feel justified in having that stolen wealth that came at other people's expenses. They feel deserving of that wealth and of course the lip service they give of not being in their right mind costs them nothing. No that narc would never actually admit they were wrong or ever even say they were sorry, even disingenuously, because that would actually cost them something. Back to the target. Directly after the discard and during the triangulation that discarded ex isn't pondering covert narcissism and they are most likely not even aware of this condition. They see their partner as an average person who must have a real reason for acting the way they are and saying the things they are saying. All that ex is focused on is trying to understand what would motivate someone to behave with this level of wicked and evil indifference. The target's main question to themselves is what did I do to deserve this? What was I doing wrong? How did I fail? Surely those actions of the narc ex have some justification, some rational explanation. Yes there has to be a reasonable explanation to account for a partner who shifted loyalties like a light switch and transformed into a stranger overnight. Yes that ex partner is more than willing and even wants to understand where they went wrong. The narc and their new partner supply the answers in a social site smear campaign and strangely enough that victim takes those accusations to heart. Later the target understands about the bizarre phenomenon of projection: accusing someone of doing to you what you actually did to them. Yes think of the absurdity of a narc and their new partner actually accusing the discarded partner, who is alone, of being disloyal and not serious about the relationship. But the confused victim in the early stages actually takes this absurdity to heart and believes it. Any answer is better than no answer. The target actually gets some relief when they can blame themselves for it all. But that is before the victim finds the truth in the rubble that was previously called their life. The victim's frame of reference, the very foundation of their life, including the meaning of that life and the direction that life was headed for in the future, is literally blown into a thousand pieces. So a salvage operation is started and the victim has to literally gather and hold onto as many as possible of the pieces of that previous existence that are still functional. Strewn among the shattered remains of that so called relationship and life together are some pieces of a puzzle that the target never really scrutinized. Yes those white lies on closer examination reveal a far more sinister intent. What about the life that partner lived in your absence? Well all of the sudden a veil is lifted and those clues form a very different picture that seems to illustrate that the narc was already searching long before they left the relationship. Yes every now and then the narc let it slip that they may not have been portraying you as an ideal partner while in your absence. Yes at ground zero, when your whole life changed in the blink of an eye, the narc showed themselves for what they were and that painful revelation, that glimpse into the heart of the beast was the key to unlocking all of the mysteries of that past relationship. So the ghosted partner eventually learns the painful truth, comes to grips with that truth and heals. That healed target, having searched for and found the raw facts of that association with a treacherous creep otherwise called a covert narcopath comes to only one conclusion: They made a huge mistake engaging with that narcopath. Yes that target is no longer a victim and they have simply boiled down that association with the narcopath as a mistake that they fully take responsibility for. The conclusion is crystal clear: That target is grateful it is over. In fact that target tells themselves: “Thank goodness it's over”. That target got their answers and their closure and strangely enough, it was far better for them to never have gotten any honest answers from the narc. That healed target has rebuilt their life and has a thick, nearly impenetrable wall surrounding the narc, in effect making them a non entity. No that wall isn't built to surround the target, it simply encapsulates the narcopath, like the body would with a pathogen as it does in Tuberculosis. Yes the narc I was with did make three appearances after the discard, mostly to terrorize and threaten in an effort to silence me on my own social site. On one of those occasions the narc literally told me that they never loved me and in retrospect even though the intent was to do additional and further damage, it was actually the truth. That narco paths last attempt was years later and that was a much more practiced presentation, but the lies were now so obvious to me. That final appearance actually gave me the rare opportunity to observe a narcopath tell verifiable lies in real time and show that narc contradictory evidence to what they had just said. It didn't seem to phase that creep one bit, there was a “tell” however and I won't disclose what that was. Yes this meek presentation was formulated after an especially nasty trolling campaign by an anon that threw every fabricated accusation possible at me. I wasn't taking the bait, but neither would I stand down. In the end that troll was blocked and I knew exactly who it was. Within weeks the narc walked through the door. Coincidence? Well anything is possible. The point to be made is the half-hearted fake attempt to give “closure” three years out was laden with lies and deception. No, in retrospect it is very good that narc actually never gave any honest answers when they were sorely needed. Yes a freshly discarded partner would hold onto any feasible explanation, believe it and move on. But the fake reasons given by the narc in their one way smear campaign fall apart when we actually begin finding out the truth. So onto trying to answer the questions of is the narc watching you? Will they return? Well we are talking about an ex partner that has shown themselves to be a narcopath without any doubt left. Yes multiple videos have discussed the topic of how to tell if that ex was a bonafide covert narcissist and that is our starting point. If you aren't sure, none of the following applies to your situation. So let's be blunt: the narc never cared about you and never loved you. That creep never presented themselves as a genuine human being with genuine likes and dislikes. Sadly those so called fake likes and later love as they applied to you were also phony. It was all an act, and I am sorry to say that feigned fascination with us and shared interests and beliefs they had with us were also all a sham. Yes the mirroring idealization phase is simply the narc baiting their hook. Then we get to the devaluation. Yes, on the other side of the coin, that narc's dissatisfaction with us and endless complaining and moving of the goalposts was also based primarily on fabrication. The hamster wheel we were put on. The endless cycle of trying to please. That unending striving that we engaged in to gain stability and peace. Yes everything always promised to be just around the corner, with just a slight bit more effort. That struggle we were purposefully made to go through was also a sham. The actual so called relationship that in every sense of the word appeared to be intimate, appeared to be emotionally, mentally, physically genuine was all a ruse. So that narcopath never cared about us at all while in the relationship. What was their motivation then? They were in it for themselves. To manipulate, to deceive, to gaslight, to lie, and eventually confuse another being to a point that they had power over them. This was simply the narc extracting fuel from the target. In the beginning it was positive energy and at the end, in the devaluation and discard phase, it was all about capitalizing on the power that the vulnerability of genuine love gave the narc over their ex partner. The narc reveled in and fully extracted every ounce of energy that came from the power they were able to wield over another human being. The narc felt a surge of incredible grandiosity as they toyed with a confused ex partner's emotions and confirmed to themselves their utter superiority that would place them so far above another human being. Yes those sick twisted ghouls actually got intense satisfaction out of making another person suffer. Then they “moved on”. Yes they departed on a plane, a healed “victim”. They were taking no one else's baggage. Of course they had created baggage for many people during the course of their lives, hadn't they? But that doesn't count. It is forgotten, erased. They discarded the unwitting “weasel” who never had a clue as to the way they were being manipulated, and finally met the person of their dreams in the location they had envisioned living in their whole lives. Neat and clean for the narc. In fact that narc fully convinced themselves that they were deserving of all of the good things this world had to offer. Yes they were getting what was earned by them after years of so called suffering and so called abuse. They felt fully justified in never thinking about the ex partner that they projected their own wickedness upon. OK. So do you really think a person with this mindset is revisiting and mulling over the past? Thinking about the ex? No that ex is only useful to the narc in telling those they seek to deceive about their own past abuse. Covert narcissists posing as damsels in distress or angry misunderstood rebels with hearts of gold are irresistible to the uninformed. So where does this leave us? Well the victim does eventually heal and has absolutely no need or desire to see that narc again. That sad chapter of the target's life is an embarrassment. Yes the target clearly understands what a mistake they made, how foolish they were. The in-glory of that narcopath in all of it's detail makes that target sick to their stomach when they contemplate actually having gotten anywhere close to that twisted warped excuse for a human being. How on earth could the target ever mistake this creep for a valuable asset, see them as a worthy partner? How on earth could that target be so blind that they actually perceived that tragic relationship as the best thing that ever happened to them? Well in the midst of the spider web, under the influence of that narco paths toxins that web might seem to be a paradise. All the while that target is being immobilized, wrapped and encased in silk. Being prepared to have every last drop of their life force sucked out of them. Sucked dry. So the target has hopefully learned their lesson. The narcopath has gone their way, they've moved on. Good for the last target, maybe not so good for the next one. Yes, that narc learned their lessons as well and realized they needed to be much more covert and more importantly discard in a way that preserves the next discarded partner's dignity. So the weasel was dropped with a velvet glove if they weren't exactly what the narc wanted. Maybe the narc got lucky and the weasel was a long term prospect. But no long term commitments were made. More likely the weasel simply served their purpose and freed the narcopath to find a high value target. Remember it's never about love with the narcopath. For a woman it may well be a clueless old fool with too much money, or a man of means that was broken by a previous relationship. Either way that female narc will find a stable situation that gives them something they want. The male narcopath will most likely just pursue someone that is simply different from their present partner. Even narcopaths end up being deluded by their own lies and the “replacements” they choose for their devoted and sometimes beautiful wives and long term partners hardly qualify as superior in any way. Yes, that new partner may be younger, but for the most part that partner is a downgrade. Yes, an exciting immoral, promiscuous relationship makes the stable consistent and reliable partner of years seem bland. Yes that partner, male or female, was perfect for the majority of that narco paths life. That person allowed the narc to be a “home maker” or a “family man” and that gave huge benefits. Yes, it is important to keep in mind that the narc doesn't confine their deception to a relationship, in fact the narc's specialty and the thing they cherish most is their public persona, their “billboard”. Of all the things that narc changes in their lives, they do try to project a stable, moral, coherent, and consistent public persona. But even that public image is often radically altered if necessary for the narc to remain socially conscious, socially relevant, and on the cutting edge. Sometimes the narc simply changes their social profile and re creates themselves with no one being the wiser. But the narc's actual public identity will be built into a seeming monolith, incorporating every publicly known event that they ever engaged in. After all public personas can be embellished and exaggerated with very few if any people actually scrutinizing the charlatan. Think about the clown who spoke broken English and still convinced others he was a Rockefeller. Yes outrageous lies that are doubled down on provide a cover for some of the most preposterous scams and deceive even the most intelligent and discerning people. So the narc moves on. But the question is will they return? The other question is are they watching you? The short answer is only if it is to their advantage, only if necessary. Remember, that narc was never “stuck on us” , or loved us or ever had any intention whatsoever to actually commit to us or be loyal to us. The narc sees themselves as royalty, as above it all, while at the same time feeling intense shame and inferiority. Yes that's insane. The narc was simply fixated on us. We were a person to conquer, to deceive, to overpower with the most outrageous lies that became increasingly more unbelievable as the narc trapped us further and further in that web of theirs. Why? Because the narc continually has to affirm their own superiority over another human being, because they aren't comfortable with themselves. Deep inside the narc knows they are damaged goods and the only way to feel better about themselves is to damage those around them. Yes being superior for the covert narcissist is simply a relative term. Burn down another person's mansion and your Cape Cod now becomes a mansion in comparison to that pile of ashes. So what would bring the narc back to our doorstep? Well that narc would have to be brought to their knees and then to their stomach. That new idealized partner might have been the greatest tragedy that ever befell the narcopath and now they are left with nothing. They may be in debt. They may be wounded by their own act of treachery in a new setting. They may have health issues. All of the sudden that partner, that bland boring partner is seen in a new light. Or maybe the ex has rebuilt their lives and the narc simply can't resist “going at it again”. Yes, the saying “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me” is mind candy to a narc who is now bored with a current situation. Maybe the narcopath, seeing that you have rebuilt, will simply want to “stir the pot”, or even worse destroy what you have rebuilt. Notice that none of these scenarios has any benefit to the target at all. Yes some targets will make the foolish move and actually give that narc a second chance. Make no mistake, if that narc gets what they want, either having once again deceived you, or they are once again healthy and functional, that narc won't be able to resist giving you the shaft once again. But never until they have secured a new partner. Yes the narc always has a “plan B”. That narc may spend the rest of their lives with you, but that's only because “plan B” isn't better than what you have to offer. Make no mistake, after you had every last ounce of energy extracted from you in the discard phase, you were out of that narco paths thoughts. Yes, that narc moved on and they were fully engaged in their next stage play, excitedly fabricating their next exciting phony persona. Nothing excites a narcopath more that re creating themselves in a fresh setting. No the narc was too busy to be thinking of you. Oh, but you were on the verge of total collapse? Well to the narc that's your problem. It doesn't concern them. In fact you are none of their business. But once that new exciting scenario has been fully realized, every now and then the narc will need a “boost”. No, you will never know about it. Yes they will occasionally monitor your social sites and try to garner any information possible. Your tragedy will be their pleasure. But the narc really won't put that much effort in. They are busy with their own lives, after all they are in the idealization phase and they have left their past life behind. The persona the narc faked is erased and the partner of that fake persona, you, are erased as well. As far as the future is concerned the narc is already looking at many other prospects (targets) to improve their present situation (otherwise known as their current relationship). No, you aren't a priority for the narc at all, unless you have something to offer that none of the current prospects have to offer. Under those circumstances and those circumstances alone will that narc try to rekindle the “romance”. Now of course the target has hopefully done their homework and realized that the past relationship that is presented to them as paradise on a moonlit beach was actually a cesspool and no, that doesn't seem appealing to the target at all. Yes that target should say “no thank you” to that offer. But the narc will give it a go if they think they can get away with it. Even if only to get you to agree to get back together. But if the narc knows you are wise to them, they won't even put the effort in. You will never see or hear from those creeps again. So the bottom line is that the healed target couldn't care less about what the narcopath is thinking or doing. It has no relevance to them. They see that narc for the incontinent, unreliable, sack of filth that they are and will not waste another second of precious time on them. Does the narc watch? Who cares and quite frankly we wish they would go on and live whatever excuse for a life they have gotten themselves into and NOT watch. We aren't watching them. We don't want to know and we don't care. We have paid our dues and more importantly we have hopefully learned our lesson. Yes we made a mistake. Yes after the breakup the target is intensely interested in what the narc is doing, wants to believe that they are important to the narcopath, wants to believe the narc is watching. Because the target does care and they still love. But the narc never cared and they never loved. Maybe they are watching, maybe they will one day return, but if they are a true narcopath they will never return if it isn't somehow in their own interest. It will never be because they cared or loved. Or had any guilt or remorse or empathy. It will be for the most twisted reasons. Reasons so sick that you don't even want to understand, because there is nothing to gain from understanding. Yes that partner may not have been a narc, maybe they were a person with good intentions, but that explanation is off the table if they engaged in triangulation and continued to abuse after they left. Yes that type of activity is unacceptable and proves that your partner never did anything but use you. It might be forgivable, but that is only because we accept the fact that narco paths are mentally ill. We forgive because we don't need toxicity and negativity in our lives. We forgive for our own peace of mind. Yes, God told us to walk away, leave the vengeance to Him, and to even try to forgive. We didn't understand then. Now we do. So is the narc watching? They may or may not be. Is the narc going to return? They may or may not. The more important questions are do you care if they are watching and do you care if they will return? More importantly do you ever want to see or speak to these creeps again? Don't misunderstand, it's totally normal to care about that narcopath, that is a function of our love and the bond we had with them. But that bond needs to eventually be broken for us to fully heal and get ourselves back. That severance has no time limit or schedule that must be followed. Each target needs to get to that point at their own pace. For the healed victim it is clear that these demons have nothing to offer, they add no value to life and no, we aren't interested in doing anymore blood donation just to see that blood spilled on the ground with glee. We will invest in people who need and want our help and who appreciate what is given to them. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.