What Will Become of the Covert Narcissist After They Leave? What will become of the covert narcissist after they leave? Well, many a victimized target who had just about every conceivable form of abuse, fraud, and treachery committed against them has a very good idea of what they would like to happen. Yes that target has extremely strong opinions about what should happen to that narc. Mostly the target wants that narc to receive payback. The target wants the narc to experience all of the pain and suffering that that narcopath served out with such calloused indifference to other people. With interest. But what does the target observe? It seems that the narc gets off mostly scot free and is even rewarded for the evil they perpetrated. So that target has the urge to settle the score, the urge to seek vengeance. But this is the target's initial response. It is understandable. Later, the paradigm changes for the target when they have healed, especially if they have had the good fortune to rebuild and replaced all that was lost. Yes eventually the anger fades and we feel bad for these creeps. After all, nothing genuinely good will ever come of any of that narc's evil actions. They sowed the wind and that means a whirlwind will eventually head their way. But that is later. It's almost a foregone conclusion that the narc will have travail. There will be nothing the narc can do about that. That narc squandered their opportunity. But it's in the target's hands to not suffer the same fate. In the early stages of the target's awakening and realization, before that target can envisage recovery, even if that target does attempt to give the narc a dose of their own medicine, that retribution will rarely come close to the degree of damage that the narc did to them. The target would never go as low as the typical cheap and filthy narcopath, who has no boundaries. In the end anything that target does “to get even” will only serve to justify the narc's false pretense of that target being the unstable abuser. Ultimately, whatever temporary satisfaction that target gets from giving the narc a dose of their own medicine will just end up lessening the narc's culpability and debt that they owe. Yes, there are long term implications for the target if they do succeed in evening the score in the form of personal guilt and remorse. That target may well be able to unleash a psychological firestorm against the narc and get away with all of it. But there is a God and He sees all and knows all and has highly detailed knowledge of what motivated that target to behave the way they did. Yes that target was instructed by God to “stand down” and let the Almighty handle things. There are consequences to not obeying that command. So “getting away with” and succeeding in giving that narc a dose of their own medicine may give temporary satisfaction. But guilt and remorse and a fear of the Lord will carry on as long term consequences for that target. The key difference between the target and the narc during the relationship was that the target had genuine love and made a genuine commitment to the narcopath, in stark contrast to the narc, who was never serious and was only putting on an act. But long term, after the relationship ends and the target begins learning what happened to them and understanding the fraud perpetrated against them, the focus shifts to other differences between the target and that narc. Yes, we are assuming that the target actually does have empathy and does have a conscience, regardless of their belief in a higher power. But for the believer, the fear of the Lord and the awareness of His presence is the clincher that eventually means the believer is given stern warnings to “leave things be”. Yes, God does communicate with the believer, not audibly but through circumstances that govern a believer's thoughts and behavior. But that is a subject for another day. The bottom line is that the target and the narc live in two different universes, even though the narc's phony persona made the target believe there was much in common. The key difference that needs to be focused on in this discussion is conscience and remorse. No we won't be discussing the false piety of a so called religious narcopath. The narc's faith is a joke, since the narc has no more genuine belief in or respect for God than they had genuine love or respect for their partner. Instead we focus on the narc's lack of conscience and lack of feelings of remorse. The lack of those key items creates a chasm which separates imperfect people who strive to be good from people who are evil and are simply interested in making sure they preserve their own public reputation. Yes the narc's lack of conscience and remorse gives them license to do almost anything they can get away with. On the other hand, the target does have a conscience and does feel remorse and those two critical attributes weigh down the target with guilt. That governs the target's actions. How? Guilt is a painful emotion and a strong motivator. Guilt provides painful lessons that teach that target never to transgress again, because they want to avoid that guilt at all costs. Yes, the fear of having to endure the pain of guilt again is a huge deterrent. If the lessons aren't learned the first time, the situation gets worse and eventually that target “gets it”, receives the message and listens. Yes those transgressions by the target could be telling half truths, lying, or stealing just to give a few examples. Make no mistake, that target is a mere human being. They don't walk on water. Yes, some of the more minor transgressions the narc has repeatedly done throughout their lives may have been briefly contemplated or even done by a target as well. But the target learned. They thought deeply about what they did and suffered the consequences. No matter how similar the external actions of the target and the narc the big difference is in the motivations, in the internal workings of the narc's warped mind. The narc's disrespectful, haughty, self entitled false grandiosity is an attitude forged in an environment devoid of any conscience. That is why those creeps are habitual offenders, habitual abusers, habitual destroyers, habitual perpetrators. In a real sense conscience and remorse are the key items that straightened out the target's crooked ways and thought processes and attitudes. They allowed that target to learn lessons from life and mature. The abuse that the narc perpetrated and the realization of the fraud that narc committed presents the target with a huge challenge that will require every ounce of whatever maturity life has taught them. Yes that target is a human being, not a saint, and treachery at the level that narc committed against them creates a fertile environment for dark thoughts. Yes when a person we loved and trusted and would give our lives for returns all of our best intentions with unjustified evil, that creates a potentially explosive environment. Yes in the direct aftermath of the discard when that narc is gloating and jeering in tandem with their new partner most targets are blindsided. They haven't got a clue as to what kind of demon they were dealing with in that narcopath of theirs. Yes, initially the target believes that somehow that narcopath is justified in all that they are doing. But the flaw in that logic is that the target actually thinks that narc to be someone with a moral compass, a person that thinks logically and with reason. In the aftermath of the discard, that target still thought of their ex partner as someone who believed in the importance of being good and doing the right thing, regardless of how flawed they were in the execution of their intentions. But no that isn't what was going on. That partner was a narcopath and they saw nothing wrong at all with being evil. Any regard that narc had for the feelings of their ex partner was simply motivated by making a smooth transition to a new partner or preserving their public image. Away from public view, that narc and weasel partner of theirs showed their true colors, displaying a pathologically depraved lack of empathy and ruthless lack of remorse simply because they knew they could get away with it. Yes, the narc and their new partner knew they could get away with it, so why not do it. Thankfully the target's realization of the truth behind those treacherous actions comes later. Yes that revelation of the enormous scope of the fraud and treachery that narc perpetrated can conjure up demons of hostility and vengeance and a need to settle the score, but those feelings of vengeance are out of place for a person who has spent their lives heeding their conscience and trying to do the right thing. Yes those thoughts of wanting to give the narc some of their own medicine are powerful, almost overwhelming. It requires every ounce of what life has taught the target to vanquish those thoughts. Yes, that target made the decision long ago to do their best and do what was right and the narc tested the strength of those convictions. Yes the target could be forgiven for crossing the line and engaging in gaslighting and treachery and deception that would throw that narc into a tailspin, but the target might never be able to forgive themselves. Yes guilt is painful and the worse we fail in doing what is right the greater the intensity and duration of the painful consequences. But not acting on those impulses gives no immediate relief. Those benefits come later and the objective for the victimized target is to come out of the abuse with no second thoughts. Yes the goal is to disentangle ourselves and never look back at what we should or should not have done immediately after that narc committed their act of treachery and destroyed our lives. There was no logic or reason for the victim to “stand down”, it was counter-intuitive, it made no sense. There was no satisfaction in “walking away” and remaining as harmless as possible. But the long term benefits are undeniable. You can't put a price on a clean conscience. It is inestimable. It eventually allows that target to make a clean break from the past and neutralize almost all of the effects of the abuse. Don't misunderstand, that target isn't expected to be a saint. Absolutely the target should forgive themselves for not being perfect and having said and done some minor things that were in effect harmless compared to the massive destruction the narc was actively and purposefully inflicting. But when no major damage is done by that target that pays huge dividends in the target's future and has huge implications for the narc as well. Chuck Smith of Calvary Chapel said it best: You can take things into your own hands, or you can leave the situation in God's hands and have a much better outcome. We will most likely never know what becomes of the narc if they have cut all ties with us, or maybe the news of their fate will come our way through no effort of our own. But in the end there will be no pleasure knowing that the narc did actually pay a heavy price and suffer deeply. It will be sad. There will be no gratification or fulfillment in knowing that the narc is suffering at all. Reports of the narc's tribulation won't be celebrated by the target, but instead that empathetic target that has healed focuses on themselves and examines their own culpability in the situation. No, that target doesn't want the responsibility of having taken part in making another person suffer or setting that person down the path of destruction. The target's actions, no matter what they were during the revelation of the narc's treachery was all about wanting to understand and wanting resolution and wanting a clean cut if that is what the narcopath wanted. But that narcopath wasn't a partner at all. That narc wasn't an advocate, they weren't on our side, they weren't on our team. That narc never loved us or cared about us, they simply used us. The narc was never actually our friend and because of their own individual treachery that narc trusted no one. That narc's jaded world view and assumption that it was a dog eat dog world meant that they never understood the real meaning or value of love and friendship. The result was the narc themselves interpreting everything through their own warped point of view. They were untrustworthy, they were no one's friend, they were treacherous and therefore they judged others to be the same as themselves. You could rightfully call that narc's extreme inability to trust others paranoia. Yes the target's actions in the face of the narc's treachery and betrayal were all about that target not wanting to believe their partner was capable of this level of malevolence. The answers were sought by the target for good reason. The target wanted to know what they had done wrong to deserve the treatment the narc gave them. The target wanted to understand and justify the narc's actions and words and behavior. The target simply wanted to make sense of things, learn and hopefully move on. The target wasn't motivated by malevolence. Yes there was incredible disappointment and anger at the betrayal. But the motivation for the target was to understand and lessen the pain caused by the seeming treachery and clear the confusion that resulted from the narc's inexplicable behavior. It was all about wanting to repair or end a relationship in a way that honored the years spent together. But the narc saw it all as a person wanting to harm them. After all the narc was always emotionally divorced from their previous partner, so when that narc decided to seek out a new partner they saw no need to expend unnecessary energy on the no longer wanted relationship. Somehow, because the narc was ready for a change of scenery that warped narco pathic freak believed, or at least made themselves believe, that the target was just as much a mercenary in that relationship as they were. Yes, because the narc was only putting on an act and was never a genuine partner they could never understand why a relationship can't be turned off like a light switch. That narc saw being a friend as simply acting like being a friend and that false pretense of being a friend to someone could be shifted to being that same person's enemy on the turn of a dime. So the narc assumed that the same was possible for the target. No that isn't how it works. Love is real, commitment is real, friendship is real and those attributes have tangible manifestations. Those attributes aren't turned off suddenly and they have great value when someone bestows them upon us. Yes the narc somehow saw wisdom in the saying “I can be your best friend or your worst enemy”. Yes that statement speaks for itself doesn't it. It's a rare display of candor by the narc even though the narc doesn't even realize it. No, if you are someone's friend, a true friend you will never be capable of being their enemy, unless they were a narcopath. Yes the narc is the exception, they deserve to be the enemy of every single person they betray. But most people aren't narco paths. Most people want to be able to live with themselves. So they go on with their lives and ultimately pity the twisted sick narcopath. It's far better than harboring resentment and anger and hostility. No we go on with our lives and seek the company of a better class of person to spend our time with. In the end we were saved from ourselves and the upgrade is very much appreciated. Yes a quality life can be lived when another person cares about us and supports us and is genuinely appreciative of us and values us for who we are. No, love, commitment, and friendship when genuine, aren't turned off like a light switch. Instead they can be relied upon and in the midst of the greatest adversity, even when two genuine partners have major disagreements. Yes love, friendship, and commitment still play a huge role when two people come to the sad conclusion that they can't make the relationship work. Yes maybe one partner wants the relationship, but they realize they will never be able to give the other partner what they are looking for, so they let go. But they were allowed the chance to meet those expectations by a partner that at least honored the commitment of that relationship. Even if the dissatisfied partner's love may have been lacking in it's strength, it was still there. But in the end no one wants to live with a partner that can't be satisfied. There can be a debate about if those expectations were realistic or not, but ultimately the partner who thinks they need to leave is allowed that freedom. Yes let that partner go on to what they see as greener pastures to their benefit or to their detriment. The key is that it isn't the problem of the partner that was left behind. For example, maybe the finances weren't enough. OK, if that is what made the partner leave so be it, that is their problem. That is on them. Lets be clear no relationship ends without pain and suffering, but the important thing is for both partners to try and dissolve things in a way that creates minimal damage. Unfortunately many relationships with two genuine partners can end in acrimony. That is just human nature. But the narcopath sets themselves apart in the way they end a relationship and in this process, the narc's lack of love, friendship and commitment become fully revealed. No it isn't normal when the person you rely on as a shelter from the harsh world suddenly becomes the person who wants to harm you in any way possible. That is rightfully called bizarre and crazy behavior. So the sane victim of this ruse by the narcopath is faced with an emotional storm of chaos and confusion and the only person who could possibly get them out of the situation is the person who has now made themselves our enemy and is gleefully watching our world fall to pieces. With their sudden new partner, no less. So under no circumstances should that target have any regrets about having sought answers. Under no circumstances should the target feel bad about having wanted to seek vengeance. Hopefully the target did the bare minimum to try to even the score. Maybe there was no wisdom and no satisfaction in walking away at the time. We couldn't see any of the benefits at the time. We saw only our own pain and the destruction that narc caused. We saw only that narc's incredible arrogance and treachery. That narc seemed bulletproof, and being that they never loved us they had nothing “to get over”, did they? Yes that narc got their new relationship immediately, no looking back, no obligation whatsoever to the partner they spent years with and faked the planning of the rest of their lives with. But that was then. What about that narco paths situation years later? Well for the target it may well be unknown, but more importantly it is irrelevant. Yes the target moved on and has only their own role in that relationship to think about. Yes that target made the mistake of having a relationship with a narcopath and being unaware. But the target forgives themselves and hopes that God forgives them as well. Premarital sex, which is now the norm, creates great risk. Many people, even in the face of not waiting for marriage do get lucky and meet a good partner, but those unfortunate enough to have encountered a narc need to think twice before they ever break that rule set up by God for a reason. Yes the target was punished, especially if they believed themselves to be a Christian. But even the secular target would have been well served to “take it slow”, because no covert narc will want to delay gratification and that means we are free of those covert creeps before we ever make ourselves fully vulnerable to them. Yes that narc wasted years of our lives, years that we could have taken to cultivate a relationship with a genuine partner who saw something special in us and was more than willing to delay gratification. Yes, the target may well have found themselves again and put themselves back together, and that has made the narc's fate a moot point. But there was love for that person, there is a responsibility felt for that person simply because the target did invest themselves and try to have a positive impact. That target in the end will not be celebrating the adversity of the narcopath, they will instead hope that they didn't have any part in sending the narc down that path of destruction. That is where the “not acting in kind” steps in. Knowing that we didn't seek to add to that narc's misery at a time when our emotions told us to serve retribution will be a great source of comfort and justify our own current belief that we deserve a new healthy relationship. In addition, we remember that we never stopped caring while in the relationship with the narcopath. We tried to inspire them. We tried to be a positive force. We tried to point out and make the narc aware of a life that didn't need to be lived in the darkness and shadows. We took a deep interest in that flawed and injured person and tried to make a difference. Yes it's sad when a narc finally hits that brick wall and their world is destroyed in the same way they actively destroyed the world of other people. But the narc did that to themselves. They had it all. They had stability and love and a real tangible bright future with a person who would have accepted them for who and what they were. They had respect and they were actually, despite their lack of genuine intentions, making a real difference. No they will never reach the heights or recreate what they had in the past and that alone will gnaw at them. Such is the fate of a narc who ran out of second chances, played a bad hand and had their bluff called. Then payment was due. A person who is on the downturn, growing older and becoming lesser as every day goes by. Well that narc's actions against us are a millstone around their neck, one of dozens of millstones they have accumulated during the course of their lives. Your retribution in the aftermath of the treachery would have lightened that narc's load. The narc acting like a human being and treating the discarded partner with respect and giving closure would have lightened their load. Yes giving retribution would have produced some relief and satisfaction, but that would have been short lived. Not giving retribution at the time gives huge benefits to the target years later. Let's be clear and repeat: There was nothing wrong with standing up for ourselves and acting in our own defense. There was nothing wrong, in the midst of the incredible treachery and abuse for drawing and enforcing a “red line” that would not be crossed by the narc or their weasel partner. No regrets for that. Yes standing up to people who capitalized on and took advantage of your misfortune and vulnerability after incredible emotional abuse was the one thing that needed to be done to get yourself back. But that wasn't retribution, it was self defense and putting an end to the abuse. It was standing up for yourself. It was the beginning of your awakening. To covert narcissism. It was the beginning of getting all of the incredibly important answers that would eventually lead to your full recovery. So what will become of the narc after their departure? Do you really think that creep will ever be happy and content and find true love? Do you really think that no matter where they live, how much money they have, how many possessions they have, no matter where they live they will ever have inner peace? They robbed the target of everything and now that narc thinks they deserve all of the good things this world has to offer. But is that realistic? After all that they did and walked away from? Yes we here about the criminals, ranging from white collar Ponzi schemers to low life thugs living off of their ill gotten gains, but are these people icons of success? Only on the outside. Of course we know that eventually most of these creeps do get caught. So will the narc...eventually. The narc knows that and is always “looking over their shoulders”. Mostly for what they might call “Karma”, since the targets have moved on. But the narc is paranoid and maybe even rightfully so, because those millstones are a weight upon them. Yes paranoia may well eventually slowly destroy that narc no matter what there financial status, where they live, or who they are with. You were there for the narc, you were ready to forgive. You were ready to send them off with the hopes that they would finally be happy, despite your own disappointment and anger. You wanted resolution for yourself and what the narc never saw is that you wanted resolution for them as well. Yes that narc may have found happiness, joy, peace and contentment if THEY did the right thing. But they didn't. Hopefully the target did the best they could to do what was right and that means the target has the possibility of true joy, happiness, peace and contentment. So that target, if they play their cards right and don't seek retribution will have no second thoughts. They won't be second guessing themselves or be plagued by a guilty conscience and pangs of remorse. They will feel no responsibility whatsoever for what becomes of that narc, no matter how sad the outcome, or how good for that matter. The narc made their decision and there was no stopping them. They made their bed and now they sleep in it. That narc is looking over their shoulders even though the target will never be there, but the consequences of evil actions will. The target is off the hook because they were ready to take responsibility, ready to resolve the issues and allow both partners to move on. But the narc had a different way of handling the situation and because of that has those millstones around their neck. Baggage that they take with them wherever they go. They always talked about carrying around other people's baggage. Sure. That narc never had the capacity to carry other people's burdens and baggage. They have way too much of their own. The phony narc only pretended to be carrying other people's baggage, when in reality they were abusing, stealing, lying, cheating, victimizing, and only pretending to be a loyal friend and partner who cared and carried our burdens. Yes they call the problems normal people face that can be benefited by a partner's assistance baggage. No matter. The narc was only ever in it for themselves. They carried nothing for no one with the exception of the support they gave their own children. We will give them that and only that. But even that was in its own way selfish, and not at the level it could have been. So good luck to the narc. Their fate is not our problem or concern. But a healed target will be saddened by that narc's adversity and misfortune anyway. If the narc is doing well, fine. Maybe they changed, as unlikely as that is. Either way the target will never feel responsibility for the bad or take credit for the good in the narc's future life, because the narc did things in a way that took everything out of that target's hands. The healed target has erased that narc and gets no benefit out of revisiting that painful past with the narcopath and therefore would prefer never to know any details whatsoever. No, that narc's misery gives the target no pleasure and their so called happiness and success is just fine with that target. Good for the narc. But the real world doesn't reward evil creeps forever and hopefully that narc has finally sobered up and realized they are out of second chances. Yes good luck to them. Remember this: When the thought of that narc and the relationship with them makes you nearly sick to your stomach, you know you have made huge progress. When the mere thought of that narc makes you immediately switch to another thought, on any other subject, you are close to fully healed. Yes, we dwell on things that make us happy and hopeful and give us faith in life and in the future and the thought of that narc just sucks all of the light and energy right out of our lives. We don't need that. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. Published End Comments: There are people in this world that have dedicated themselves to being arrogant boastful sacks of filth. They never learn, they never reform, they never change. Instead they double down. They see their arrogance as self confidence and something for others to respect and admire when in reality this attitude stinks to high heaven and is anything but admirable. They mock what is good and because they have no seeming repercussions their evil continually increases. They seem untouchable and it’s hard to imagine that people can go through life and never be humbled . Nevertheless those people do exist.

The average person wants no part of these creeps and actively avoids any relationship with them whatsoever. But when the covert narcissist entered our lives we had no idea we were doing just that: bringing a malevolent wrongdoer into our lives and allowing them full access to all that we were and all that we owned.
No more. We have no obligation to try to communicate with these people or try to do anything at all to help them because we’ve already gone down that road and saw that it made no difference.
Yes the target has every right to move on and never look back. The target has every right to genuine relationship with a quality person. No regrets. That genuine relationship will restore the target's faith in the human race minute by minute, day by day.

It isn’t our responsibility to help someone who doesn’t want help, even though we see that they’re destroying themselves. Yes the covert narcissist is a loser regardless of their financial and social success. But they’ll find that out later because, of course, nothing we ever told them had any impact on them whatsoever. Yes evil people exist. The target learned that. But good people exist as well and the right partner will confirm that without a doubt. Original End Comments: Remember that although the target might have contemplated doing some of the minor things that a covert narcissist actually did, the majority of what that narc has done in their life is something the average person would have never even given consideration to. Yes, most of the evil that a covert narcissist does is the product of their uniquely warped brain. That distorted thought process has environmental and genetic causes, but ultimately it is the choices the narc made themselves that created the person we encounter that we view as a sane adult.

That narc may well be a victim of a poor childhood environment. Yes either neglect or excessive unmerited praise could have warped that narc's world view and magnified that narc's sense of entitlement along with excessive expectations of having things their own way. That narc may have been born with a low capacity to feel guilt or remorse or empathy and no we can't blame someone for their genetics. But that the narc is fully responsible for what they did with the poor hand they were dealt.
You could say there is a fork in the road at a certain point in some people's lives and at that juncture those people need to decide if they will continue to do the wrong thing or make a decision to do the right thing instead. Yes even the most reprobate covert narcissist was a child once and did have at least some innocence. At every juncture that narc decided to do what was wrong and those poor decisions destroyed whatever small amount of conscience that the narc was born with. But more importantly the destruction of that conscience took that narc down the path to increasingly more corrupt, degenerate, and debased behavior. Every transgression made the next greater transgression easier to do without a second thought. Every lie made the next greater lie easier to construct and maintain. Those immoral and profligate behaviors and attitudes created an internal mental environment that aided and abetted every other form of new debauchery. So in the end that narc that narc created themselves. Things could have been different. Yes if you could look back to the covert narcissist's childhood you would see multiple instances where the narc not only had the opportunity to do the right thing, it would have been easy for them to do the right thing. Yes there were multiple chances to change the course of their destiny and at each and every opportunity that narc actively decided to do wrong. Because they could and could get away with it. Yes that is sick, but in the end the narc victimized themselves and created the monster that they became. That narc never understood that progressing in and cultivating a life of evil and depravity is not the same as becoming mature. Yes the covert narcissist in their twisted mind equates advanced levels lying, gaslighting, treachery, deceit and theft as maturity. But the average person intuitively understands that being able to get away with evil behavior is hardly mature, but instead is a sign of immaturity.

Maturity is just the opposite of the narc's vision, it’s having restraint, it’s being kind to someone who doesn’t even deserve it, it’s doing the right thing when the temptation to do the wrong thing is incredibly strong. Yes, just about every time that narc had a choice, they made the wrong one. Sadly when the narc did make the right choice by mistake, they sabotaged it. Yes that narc not only created themselves, they created the situations that they ended up havin to live with.