The Choices That Narcissists Make: There is an ongoing debate as to what causes narcissism and the desire to come up with the ultimate answer leads some people to decide that a narcissist is born that way while others place an emphasis on the environment the narcissist grows up in and believe that to be the cause. This is the debate between nature (genetics) and nurture (environment). The problem is the fact that each person is different and every environment is different meaning that no one answer can be applied to any one individual. The truth is that the final outcome that produces the covert pathological narcissist is a “team effort” of nature and nurture. In some narcs the cause may be nearly all nature in others nearly all nurture in yet others it is a more equal combination of the two. The cluster of pathological traits that includes narcissism is a subject of intense study among mental health professionals, but the safe conclusion to come to as to what causes narcissism is that both genetic predisposition and environment play a role. Here is a brief clip of a ted x talk presented by Simon Baron Cohen to explain the role nature and environment play in empathy, a link to the video is in the description: Yes, we do need to go to a narcissist's childhood especially the first five years of life to try to pinpoint the cause of the narcissism. Yes, we have to take into account the responsibility of the parent and we have to see if there is any possible culpability on the child's end as well. The ultimate “blame”, the person primarily responsible for the unfortunate creation of an adult covert narcissist can rest on the shoulders of the parent or the child, or be split almost exactly in half. Yes, variable variability is not something most people are comfortable with. A clear cut answer makes life easier for everyone, but it isn't always helpful if we want to truly understand what is going on that produces these demonic creatures we call covert narcissists. Yes, there is a spiritual cause as well, but today we will try to look at the observable facts and try to at least get a better idea of the origins of covert narcissism. Now a recent study of psychopathy and patterns in child behavior looking at the parent child relationship looked at exactly that. Is the child to blame for the parents not responding properly or are the parents responsible for the child not responding properly. The results are eye opening and confirm the above statement that the causes of dysfunctional adults is a complex one. Let's just listen to a few key moments of this ted x talk given by Luna Centifanti. a link to this video is in the description: So what does this mean in layman's terms? My interpretation is this: that sometimes the child is the actual cause of the parents being unable to properly train the child and other times it is the parents that are to blame for the child becoming a dysfunctional adult. Now again we must take into account the element of variable variability. Yes, there is a constant interaction between the child and the parent in those critical formative years before the age of 5, but the data can be analyzed so that a general conclusion can be made. Again to keep it simple, sometimes the parents share the larger portion of responsibility, “are to blame” and sometimes the largest part of the dysfunction is actually due to the personality of the child, “the child is to blame”. The other possibility, that sometimes the blame can be equally attributed to the parents and to the child is also to be expected since these scenarios and the actual people that were studied are all on a spectrum. So, how does this apply to the covert pathological narcissist? Well it all boils down to the decisions the narcissist makes starting as early as we can go, to the very first decision a child makes. We have all heard of stubborn and hard to handle children as well as children that are compliant and “easy”. That already shows us that the genetic predisposition of a child plays an important role in the final product that is a narcissistic adult. Regardless of if the narcissist has neglectful or loving parents, strict or lenient parents the ultimate outcome of narcissism always starts with a behavior pattern, a decision of how to respond to a situation that the environment presents the narcissist with. So the origins of narcissism can then begin to come into focus, become clear. The narcissist is a person who never takes others into account, has no compassion or empathy and considers themselves more important than anyone else. The narc has developed a pattern of behavior where they no longer have any qualms about lying. The narc has developed a behavior pattern that has continually eroded their empathy to the point where they have little or no empathy. The narc has continually ignored their conscience to the point where it became calloused and then seared, so again the conscience is in effect non existent. Yes, in short the narcissist is a bad person, an evil person and they became that way by continually indulging in bad and evil behavior throughout their lives. The narc became someone who doesn't have a shred of decency. There is no doubt that many an adult narcissist can no longer help themselves because they are so locked into the cycle of lying, duplicity, treachery and deceit. They can't help but destroy those around them. Some people will argue that narcissists do need our understanding, or that we should just avoid them and just not make ourselves vulnerable to them. How does that even take into account that the covert narcissist purposely hides their true self and is an expert at deception? That doesn't even take into account that most people are unaware of covert narcissism and that the narcissist by design is a predator that purposely seeks out their victims. So isn't it really giving these narcissistic beasts a little more slack than they deserve to say that they can't help themselves? How can we even take the outrageous claim that they don't know what they are doing, don't know right from wrong seriously? Rest assured the narcissist knows exactly what they are doing and if they can't help themselves it is for one reason and one reason alone: they always refused to make the right choice whenever given the opportunity. Yes they made the wrong, the evil choice every single time with very few exceptions. Let's be very clear: the narcissist is an adult and they are responsible to be an adult so do they really have any excuse at all? No they do not, they have no excuse whatsoever. So we go back in time to childhood development and look into the past of any narcissist, we go to the day that they had enough awareness to make a choice. The choice to listen to someone, in this case their parent, give authority to someone that was greater than themselves or to refuse, usurp the authority and do it their way. As the child grew, the choice to do right or wrong was given them countless times and each time they did it their way right or wrong. Whether that parent was a responsible parent or and irresponsible parent is almost irrelevant. We are focusing on the narcissist and the narcissist alone. Yes, there was a point where the narc had to listen to a reasonable demand from their parent or decide not to listen and rebel, to stiffen their neck. As the child got older there were more and more complex choices to make, more sophisticated choices to make, but the narc simply became more sophisticated in their rebellion and lack of concern for what was right or wrong. As the narc became an adult and needed employment they began understanding the necessity of giving the appearance of listening, but they covertly never really gave up an ounce of authority to another human being. Similarly in relationships the narcissist realized the necessity of giving the appearance of concern and of being cooperative and willing to compromise. Yes, that was necessary to get a foot in the door, Once the relationship was locked in, the narc gradually and insidiously began taking full control. The general overview of the narcissist gives us a picture of a person who was addicted from early childhood to get it their way, never feeling the need to give any other human being authority, never feeling the need to live by the standards of decency, of “right and wrong” that broader society had agreed upon. Yes the narc understood the importance, the necessity of appearing to live by the rules, appearing to believe that it was important to do the good, the right thing, but underneath it all the narc was never really going to relinquish an ounce of having things their way. On the inside of that narcissist the rules were very clear cut. The world revolves around the narcissist. The narcissist reigns in that world, is the supreme being who makes all moral judgments upon their own actions and the actions of others. The narc is the judge and the narcissist's judgment is final, no mercy. The people that the narc comes in contact with are merely there for the use of the narcissist. These people have no sovereignty or rights, only the narcissist has rights and only the narcissist's needs are important. So now we begin to see that the narcissist never had any problems making their choices. Choices such as: Do I tell the truth or do I lie? Do I steal because I can get away with it or do I walk away? Do I “turn the other cheek” or get even at all costs? The list is endless, but the point to be made is that at every stage of development, every choice the narcissist encountered they almost always chose the easiest way, what was best for them and them alone, never even really considering what was the right or “moral” thing to do. Never considering the effects their choices might have on other human beings. Yes the narcissist certainly appeared to be an adult and certainly learned to make themselves sound and look reasonable and even moral. But sadly this was all an act and even more sadly their victims were fully deceived by that mask, the act the narcissist put on. Because the narcissist had no moral compass, no outside authority this led to a pattern of decisions, of “choices” that were increasingly less and less moral. Yes the choice to be evil was the exact result, the consequence, the culmination of a lifetime of the narc having it their way. That route never even took into account anyone else in their environment. The narc's path of selfishness was a long road with ever increasing covertness and sophistication, to the point where a narcissist's selfishness could literally appear as an act of altruism to the uninformed public. Those who are aware are no longer deceived, but most of the world will just take that “kind”, “noble”, “gracious”, “generous”, “compassionate”, “empathetic”, “genuine”, ”humble” narcissist on face value. But not those who are awake, they know the truth of what lurks beneath the mask: for the narcissist it was always all about them and them alone. So, if you want to ultimately judge ANY human being, every single human on this planet is the result of a myriad of choices that were made each and every moment of their lives. In a way the final result, the “adult” that we are presented with is the final “product”, the final exam result so far of all of the choices we have made in our lives. Yes the narcissist is a resounding failure as a human being and perhaps even a grade of “F” is too lenient a judgment. But the scale will never go to the depths that would be necessary to give the narcissist the true grade they deserve. Yes, the narc is far worse than just a failure as a human being, they are the source of so much suffering and multiple other failures of all of the people that they have come in contact with. The beginning of this video spoke about nature and nurture and those subjects are very important and necessary to take into account. But here is the narcissist's problem: they ARE an adult, and there comes a point in every person's life when they reach an age of accountability, when they ARE responsible for their words and actions and how they treat others. They are responsible for all that they say and do. Yes the narc will deny that fact to themselves and to the world and believe that it is possible for them to do as they please and NEVER grow up or develop any level of emotional maturity. How is this even possible? Well, the narcissist fails to understand that they are NOT the center of the world and they simply can't comprehend that in order to coexist with others they have to give those other people the possibility of sometimes having things to their liking and make others more important than themselves. Despite all of the complexity it really boils down to this simple fact: The narcissist is a bad person who is aware that they are doing bad things and there is never really any excuse whatsoever for being a bad person. Whether that narcissist had a bad upbringing and is emulating the duplicity and treachery that they learned by observing their parents, or the narc simply became that way due to the parents allowing them to indulge in their strong willed stiff necked attitude of self entitlement it is all the same. Yes the narcissist may have some excuses for being a narcissist, but there is never any excuse for being a bad, an evil person. The narcissist does know better. The narcissist knows how to be kind to people and considerate. After all they did exactly that when they first ensnared their victim during the mirroring-idealization phase of a relationship. They are always impeccably kind and respectful on their social sites and in any public function. But those who know the narcissist behind closed doors have a very different story to tell. The story of a selfish self centered beast that hasn't got an ounce of respect or decency. The narcissist knows right from wrong. The narcissist chooses to do the wrong thing, to be evil, and that takes us back to our original conclusion: the narcissist is the result, the aggregate of all of the wrong and questionable decisions that they have made throughout their lives. Yes they may have had poor parenting that didn't give the right example, yes they may have been subject to abuse, or perhaps it was the opposite. They had parents that let them “do as they pleased” and overindulged them. It really doesn't matter at all. At some point the narcissist had their own choice to do right or wrong, good or bad and at each and every opportunity to do the right thing they chose the opposite. Yes they are adults, they are responsible and they have locked themselves in to bad behavior, but ultimately as an adult they have NO excuse whatsoever. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcome. Peace be with you. REFERENCES 1. The erosion of empathy | Simon Baron Cohen | TEDxHousesofParliament

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXcU8x_xK18 2. Psychopathy and Patterns in Child Behaviour | Luna Centifanti | TEDxDurhamUniversity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcUp8TOXC_4 An Additional useful video: 3. From Saints to Sociopaths: Dopamine and Decisions | Nadine Kabbani | TEDxGeorgeMasonU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8w_0sZ97Bc

Reprogramming Yourself After Narcissist Abuse: Narcissist abuse is deep seated and ends up infiltrating every aspect of your mind and emotions. The toxicity gets into areas of our being that we don't have access to and that we aren't even totally aware of, our subconscious mind and the emotions and thoughts that exist there. That toxicity can be likened to a flood where nearly raw sewage stays in a house for weeks and then when the flood waters recede there is damage that goes far beyond what is visible and some of that damage may take months and years to fully become evident. So the homeowner is left with two decisions: 1 try to rebuild the house that we have an emotional attachment to, tearfully discarding all of our precious memories such as family photos and keepsakes that we have cherished over the years and that are no longer salvageable or, 2 making the very difficult decision that NOTHING is salvageable and literally starting from scratch. Yes that home that you lived in for years, maybe decades, possibly most of your life, seemed very comfortable and it contains many fond memories, but the unfortunate reality is that that home is no longer inhabitable, it is filled with toxicity, mold that if inhaled for long enough will result in your death. So you are now forced to walk away, renew, rebuild. That is the dilemma the narcissist abuse victim has, the difficult decision of either rebuilding or walking away and that decision is different for every individual since the reality is that no two individuals and no two combinations of individuals are ever the same. It isn't always a clear cut decision, but for most of us that have gazed into the abyss of evil that is at the core of a pathological narcissist, the decision is sharply defined and obvious, but we still hesitate debating the pros and cons of rebuilding. Yes, an outsider sees the obvious, that sewer washed home with rotting beams and a destroyed foundation gutted of its moldy drywall is never going to be inhabitable again and yet we victims can't and won't see the obvious. Why? Well it goes back to our subconscious thoughts and emotions. That fantasy world the narc created, the one you lived in for so long is still very much alive in the areas of your heart and mind, emotions and thoughts that aren't consciously accessible and you simply aren't aware of that fact. So the victim can't make a clear decision at all because that inner being of theirs' that they aren't aware of is clouding their judgment. Add to all of that the incredible resentment that some victims have to deal with due to incredible physical and mental cruelty and it becomes clear why some people can take years and decades making very little progress. Yes, getting rid of that resentment and walking away from that beloved house, the mind palace that was either a dilapidated shack or a house of horrors is absolutely essential. Yes walking away is the hardest thing but in a relationship with no bonds of marriage or children we need to face that reality and consider ourselves fortunate. Nothing in that now destroyed dwelling ever had any real value and was never really meant to last. Every one of those cherished mementos in the environment you once considered home and even the home itself was toxic, fake and phony through and through. Do you understand the absurdity of actually debating the pros and cons of rebuilding or walking away? The answer is very obvious. Walk away! So how do we get out of this cycle, this endless cycle of debating whether to jump back into that toxic cesspool or not? We need to consciously take control of our lives and we need to understand that the subconscious part of us, the part that has all of the insight and is far more intelligent than we are consciously, has been corrupted with a virus. Yes, theoretically you could probably change everything about yourself and alter even the core of your being, your belief system, everything that you hold near and dear and totally reprogram yourself, but that is not what the goal is here. We want to retain the core of our being, our beliefs, all that is good about us and makes us who we are and simply eliminate that toxic virus. To do this a second metaphor will be useful, that of a computer effected by a virus. When faced with a virus that has infiltrated our computer unfortunately sometimes the operating system has to be backed up and every file and folder and program that was present before that computer crash occurred has to be carefully preserved, or maybe if you had a backup, restore that computer to an earlier time, a time before the virus, the narcissist, was downloaded. Yes there may have been some corrupted files and viruses before the narcissist and maybe we want to eliminate some of those as well, but we really don't want to over-complicate things. Remember, we are avoiding doing a fresh install of the operating system and wiping everything clean. We want to retain as much of the useful data as is possible. So yes you know the day, date, and hour that you first encountered that virus and that is where the search will begin. Bear in mind we are using two metaphors here. We have already decided that that sewer infested home with all that was in it is not salvageable. We have made a firm commitment to walk away. The computer analogy is simply the process of beginning the rebuilding process of a new dwelling. Back to the computer. It is up to us to build a firm reliable foundation for the rest of our existence, so now is the time to eliminate that virus and not allow it to infect the new or renewed computer. So we carefully transfer every safe file, folder and program, every one of them that was good and solid, verifiably genuine and uncorrupted and transfer them to the new computer. We jettison all of the files that may have contained that virus no matter how useful they were. If we are really in need of that program, such as a video making program, we isolate that program until we are sure it is safe. We carefully rebuild and back up each successful configuration of that computer of ours, gradually getting back all of the functionality previous to the narcissist. Yes, along the way we may decide that some previous programs that we had are best not reloaded onto the new computer, but that is not essential. The important thing is to purge the narcissistic virus once and for all. So what does all of the above mean in the real world, the world of the victim? Well the victim has to isolate all of the toxicity in their life and realize that much of that toxicity exists in the inaccessible portion of their mind. So what is the victim to do? There are numerous ways to reprogram the subconscious, but I will give you the Christian version, those who want to take the secular approach are welcome to do so. Those secular approaches include meditation, subliminal messages, creating metaphors to try and define the situation you are in, music, changing your brain's alpha waves, visualization, repetition, using a peak positive occurrence in your life as an anchor event, etc. I will not be interested in any of these methods, I consider them potentially dangerous and will not recommend them. So let's approach this situation from a Christian perspective and keep things very simple. 1. Learn to pray to God Get on your knees and humble yourself and begin a daily prayer time for yourself. That is the quickest way to start reprogramming your way of thinking by reinforcing the fact that God, not you are in control. James MacDonald of Walk in the Word gave a comprehensive series of sermons on how to pray. We should realize the importance of prayer and using that prayer as a way of understanding God's purpose for our lives not giving God commands. 2. Yes we want to eat right, get adequate sleep, and certainly rekindle our connection to the Creator, Almighty God not just in prayer, but as an integral part of our daily existence. 3. We need to isolate the resentment and need for vengeance and again remember that God will do a much better job of repaying that narcissist than we could ever do. God commands us to stay out of His way, make room for Him so that the narcissist can get the proper reward for their treachery and evil. Make no mistake at all the narcissist will pay for every ounce of what they did to you with one exception, if they give the huge debt they owe to Jesus and He will relieve them of their debt. But that requires the narcissist to genuinely submit to God. The chances of that are slim to none, but again that is not our problem. We just want that narcissist, every last vestige of them out of our lives. When thoughts of vengeance, anger, hostility arise we continually have to affirm to ourselves, “vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord”. Eventually that thinking will override the subconscious need for settling the score or getting even. 4. We have to break that false notion that the narcissist ingrained into us that we had a lifetime partner that would be there for us forever. That person we loved and that we still subconsciously want back in our lives NEVER existed. So every time we have those feelings of nostalgia we need to remember the true nature of narcissism and the reality of what was going on in their minds. Just to cover some of the highlights lets go down a brief list. The narcissist never loved and never cared about you. The person you loved was a false persona, a mask with no substance below the surface. 5. We have to realize that the bright future together that you visualized in your mind and somehow were always frustrated by the narcissist from achieving, was nothing more than future faking. The narc purposely made it seem like that paradise was just over the horizon then surreptitiously threw up roadblocks to achieving that paradise. Yes the narc blamed you for the roadblocks, but let's be clear the narc is without a doubt the one that placed them there. So you need to continually tell yourself that that endorphin producing thought process of being in bliss by thinking of your life with that narcissist is nothing more than crack cocaine. It warps your thinking and is literally a dysfunctional addiction. Keep on telling yourself that you are not dealing with reality when those flights of fancy occur in your mind. 6. We have to analyze our time with the narcissist and reinterpret all of what occurred in that relationship but more specifically we have to stop blaming ourselves. Yes, the narc left and on top of all of that they made you feel like you were the one to blame. Think about the reality. The narcissist accused you of being fake and disloyal while they are the ones that were in a new relationship and left you behind without a single opportunity to understand or defend yourself and with no explanation. The narcissist lies through their teeth and then accuses you of being a liar. The list goes on. Bottom line once you see clearly what was going on in that relationship you can clearly see who the perpetrator and who the victim was. So every time your subconscious brings up that you should blame yourself, keep on reminding it of the reality. Use facts, don't give in to those wrong thoughts. 7. We have to take the narcissist off of the high horse, the pedestal that we put them on. No the narcissist was NOT a paragon of virtue. No they weren't ever faithful or loyal, and yes they lied about you being the only true love of their life. Not only were you NOT the only true love of their life in fact the narc NEVER loved you at all. The narc never had honorable intentions towards you, the narc never cared, the narc was not good for you, the narc never really made you feel good about yourself, the narc never built you up, they were constantly tearing you down, the narc was your great misfortune not your fortune. 8. We have to stop wondering about what the narc is doing and projecting our genuine love, loyalty, and concern onto the narcissist. We have to come to grips with the harsh reality that the narc stopped thinking about us long before they formally left the relationship. We have to come to grips with the reality that the narc could care less about what we are doing. They don't think about us at all, they have tired of the relationship since they now have someone new, and that is the narc's entire focus. The narc we loved is dead, they have transformed themselves into someone new as they mirror the new person in their lives. We are a waste of the narcissist's time, they wouldn't even give us a cup of water if we were stranded in a desert and it could save our lives. Remember it is hard for an em path to comprehend this, but the narc is literally only concerned about themselves and themselves alone. So let's summarize. Again all of the above things become obvious over time, if we do the work to try and understand, or are immediately obvious to us consciously, but we need to repeat then to ourselves again and again so that our subconscious finally understands. Yes we need to reprogram that subconscious of ours. Although that subconscious mind is much more intelligent than our conscious mind, it is quite naive. It is up to us to continually correct that subconscious mind until it finally realizes the error of it's ways. How will you know if you have begun the reprogramming process? That is easy enough. When your subconscious stops telling you what a wonderful environment that unsalvageable, flood ravaged home is. When your subconscious stops telling you how wonderful that narcissist and your life together was and would one day be. When you see that narcissist not as a beautiful or handsome angel, but you see then for what they really are, a hideous beast that you have to turn your gaze away from. When those thoughts of vengeance, anger, and rage dissipate as you give them to God each and every time. When you start thinking clearly and there is positivity in your life and your attitude once again. When joy returns and you have gotten yourself back. When you are whole inside and you feel your own presence and hopefully also the presence of the Holy Spirit, God in your life. So the bottom line is this. You can tell what is going on in your subconscious mind very easily since it is the source of all of the dysfunctional thinking that still binds you to that unsalvageable relationship with the narcissist. We reprogram that subconscious by gently, carefully and continually showing it the error of its ways. Success is achieved when the subconscious finally agrees with what any outsider can clearly see. Whether it be a house beyond repair or a narcissist, an outsider can clearly smell the sewage, can clearly see the ugly results of flood damage and clearly sees that the victim has to move on. If you can't see that yet in your life that is not your fault, but it is my sincerest hope that you gently remind your subconscious that it is not thinking rationally and hopefully you will begin the process of healing yourself. Remember, it wasn't your fault what happened to you, you were taken off of the path of life and were led to a dead end. It is now time to renew your relationship with God and humbly admit that you are lost and rely on God's guidance to return you to the world of light. You made a mistake, it wasn't all your fault. In fact very little, if any of that nightmare was your fault. Some of us may not have done things God's way but we had honorable intentions, we were sincere and we made a lifetime commitment to that narcissist. The narcissist broke that trust and misrepresented themselves and their intentions. Not you. The narcissist never loved you, the narcissist was never loyal to you no matter how many times they told you of their loyalty. The narc was in it for the thrill and they told you anything that you needed to hear, made any promise necessary to gain your confidence. Became anything they needed to become to convince you they were your soul mate. The narc got bored when they achieved their goal and bagged yet another victim. In the end it was simply a game for the narcissist. A game that was deadly serious for the victim, but the narcissist never cared and was never serious. The narcissist only cares about one person, that creature that stares at them in the mirror every morning. So yes think about it. That narcissist has to look at themselves and lie to themselves every single day, they have to deny reality 24 7 and they have to live in that hollow shell of theirs. An environment devoid of love, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, creativity, peace, contentment. A barren lifeless environment with chaotic eddies of turmoil, rage, resentment, envy, duplicity, debauchery, fear, treachery, and unbridled lust to get whatever meets there eye as soon as possible with no delay. The narc has to expend enormous amounts of energy to convince themselves and others of all of the lies they are maintaining. Quite an expenditure of energy to obtain negative results. Do you really want to still believe that sewage dump was a paradise? Your subconscious may cling to that notion but you can see the truth very clearly. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

The Narcissist and Their Religion: The click bate title of this video could have been “All Narcissists are Satanists and All Satanists are Narcissists”, and it would accurately describe the true religion of the narc. Yes, narcs are devout believers in Satan and unwittingly or wittingly worship him. Some say that our battle against narcissist abuse is simply a psychological one and there is no spiritual component at all. I beg to differ. The battle we face is very much a spiritual one and narcissist abuse victims are severely crippling their chances of recovery if they refuse to accept that fact. To even begin to get a handle on narcissism we have to understand the underlying “religion” of the narcissist, a religion they all share. Some narcissists have simply made their lives very easy and accepted the fact that they “aren't going to a good place”. This attitude gives the narc the impression that they are somehow protected at least in this world and in this life from the forces many call karma, but the Christian believer calls Almighty God. Well, apparently the narcissist's life experience bears that out. Yes, the narcissist has gotten away with numerous acts of treachery and has come out unscathed time and time again, so in a way the narcissists understand intuitively that they are somehow protected from having to pay for their acts of evil. Yes, even the narcissist understands the evil nature of their acts, but the narc feels that they have gotten a good bargain in the exchange, the exchange of living in the here and now with no concern for an uncertain or unknown future. Why not throw the existence of an unseen God under the bus? Case closed for the narc. God simply doesn't exist, He is a figment of the imagination. Take your pleasure in this world and have all of the freedom you can imagine to do as you please whenever you please without ever having any concern for the people you damage. In exchange you simply accept the fact that “you aren't going to a good place”. Yes, the narcissist wants immediate gratification, the narc thinks any person who lives this life, and submits their own will to an unseen God is simply wasting an opportunity. The narc will never waste any opportunity whatsoever to do something they can get away with. So the narcissists simply finds no need to live by external standards of conduct imposed upon them by God. How dare someone tell them that their adulterous relationship is wrong. The narc is the one who makes the rules and just ask them, they will give you numerous reasons why their relationships with multiple partners all at the same time is totally justified. Now of course the narcissist is aware that society does frown upon acts of treachery and adultery, but the only concern for the narcissists in these situations is to be publicly exposed. It isn't that the narcissist feels any guilt, but there is the aspect of shame, of public devaluation or humiliation that is of great concern for the narcissist. So the narc is careful in some of the things that they do, but that is only because they cling tightly to their “billboard”, their public image. So what has all of this to do with Satan worship? Many narcissists are “devout” Christians, others are Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists. Still others are devout atheists or agnostics. The last category of narcissists, the enlightened ones, the self aware ones are outright Satanists. No, not all of these Satanists are going to profess their religion publicly. Instead many Satanists simply feign Christianity or any other form of religion to have a more acceptable, higher profile public image. Yes at least Satanism has not yet become publicly acceptable. No problem with it below the radar, but publicly Satanism is still shunned, so the wise Satanist doesn't let on. What is the way of life of the Satanist, the moral code as proclaimed by Aleister Crowley? “Do as thou wilt”. Does this sound familiar? Yes it is the creed, the subconscious or conscious creed of the narcissist. Sure, a person will convince themselves they are a Christian believer, but their fruits, their actual actions paint a very different picture. The Bible clearly states “by their fruits you shall know them”. Well what do the fruits of the narcissist point to, even a narcissistic Christian believer? The short answer is “Do as thou wilt”. For example is it any wonder that a young narcissist who wants to be a nun becomes severely disappointed by the fact that God doesn't throw out a red carpet for them in gratitude and fall down to worship them? After all the narcissist has just told God they would be partners with him. Oh yes, the narcissist consciously thinks they are worshiping God, but they become disheartened when their prayers, which are really commands to God go unanswered, in reality unheeded. Yes, God doesn't listen well to the narcissist, so the narcissist is highly insulted. The narc has no need for a God that doesn't listen to them so they become an atheist. Other narcs maintain their “relationship” with God in one religion or another, but that relationship with God is mere lip service. The reality is the narc is practicing their true religion all of the time. “Do as thou wilt”. So let's be very clear now, it is no great mystery at all that Satan exists. Yes, the devil is more than pleased to put a hook in someone's nose and have that self same person be under the arrogant impression that they are above it all. Yes, the atheistic narcissist is quite an arrogant fool and will confidently proclaim that Satan is a fairy tale and so is God. What glee the devil must have in that situation. Yes, the narc atheist is a patsy for the devil, keep on not believing is Satan's opinion. The narc agnostic is not far behind although it should be noted that not all agnostics are narcissists. We are talking about agnostic narcissists here. The narc agnostic simply can't accept the existence of something they can't fully comprehend, something that is beyond them. Most agnostics are just being honest, maybe they have doubts, but the narc agnostic most likely simply refuses to bow their knee to God. Either way, any doubt whatsoever the devil can create about the existence or the nature or the sovereignty of God is adequate for him to achieve his goals. In the case of the narcissist who sees themselves as a worshiper of God, the devil simply warps that narcissist's ideas of what it means to be a believer, that is also more than acceptable to Satan. The main thing is making people believe they can and should “Do as thou wilt”. Yes, Satan is saying to these deluded fools “you can be as God”, “God doesn't want you to have any knowledge because He is trying to prevent you from being enlightened”, “God is trying to spoil your fun”, “You are God”, “God doesn't exist”, or Satan will simply warp your opinion of God and make God a “Genie in a bottle”, someone who takes commands from you and fulfills your wishes, when there is no use for God, you simply put a cork in the bottle and “Do as thou wilt”. So the pieces of the puzzle begin coming together and the picture you see becomes clear. Yes some narcissists are self-deluded and think themselves followers of God, others have doubts, and God is therefore effectively neutralized, and yet others are self aware and openly deny and refuse any influence of a higher power in their lives. No matter, every single narcissist is a worshiper of themselves as god and will never submit their will to any other being and that is where they have made their fatal mistake. The narcissist is a slave to Satan and even though they are under the impression they have freedom in this world in reality the narcissist is the most enslaved person on the planet. They walk around continually doing the will of their father, the father of lies, Satan and he deftly pulls the narcissist's strings and directs their every move and thought like a puppet. Narcissists are the willing slaves and property of Satan. They are slaves to sin and they are under total domination as indicated in Romans 6 16: “Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?” Yes the reality, the truth of eternal life and the obvious fallacy of the lies of the devil and the false path to happiness and fulfillment by indulging in the pleasures of sin in this world are clearly stated in the Bible. But the narc is too drunk on themselves to understand what a child can comprehend. What is that? That God exists and the importance of submitting to someone with more knowledge and authority than yourself, admitting that you aren't King or Queen. Of course a narcissistic child with progressive parents may never learn of that reality, but the average child intuitively “gets it”. So we have now put our finger on the precise problem with the narcissist, the foundation of all that is wrong with them and also shown them the clear way out of their endless cycle of misery and destruction, both to themselves and everyone their lives touch. What is that way? It is full and total submission to God and a genuine internal acknowledgment that there is a higher power. We now understand why it is almost impossible for the narcissist to change, they simply will never give up the authority over their own lives let alone even consider the notion that they aren't god. Make no mistake, the covert narcissist will give the appearance of submission in the workplace or in their personal lives and they may even convince themselves that they are humble and meek, but they subconsciously consider themselves god, the final authority in all that they do. So the narcissist wastes their opportunity of life, misses the point of human existence altogether. Just like they had everything a person could ever want and wasted the opportunity, a relationship with someone who truly cared and was committed to their mental and emotional health. Rather than appreciate that situation they threw it away and in the process lost any excuse that they were never given a break in life. Yes, eventually the narcissist will have to take personal responsibility for their lives and the dark, desolate, lifeless, hollow world they have created for themselves. Yes there is a way for the narcissist to free themselves. Think of what Romans 6 16 says: You are either obedient to God, or you sin. One thing we know for sure the obstinate narcissist will never be obedient to anything or any one, yes they may act obedient to deceive someone but the reality is the narc will always be god in their world. Their puppet master is just fine with that. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

The Narcissist and the Karpman Drama Triangle: So, you have just gone through the battle of your life trying to get answers from your narc ex and the new knight in shining armor ( let's call him what he really is: a narcissistic weasel) has run interference and is protecting the narcissist ex from any contact with you at all. The end of the relationship came suddenly with a physical attack and vicious threats and a sudden loss of your ex as the mask slipped off totally and she suddenly turned into someone you never met before. Yes there were issues that needed to be discussed and answers that deserved to be given and some closure was needed. Things had to be sorted out. Anyone with the bare minimum of respect for a person they said they loved and intended to spend the rest of their life with owed the ex partner at least that much. But the weasel, who may well have been the catalyst for the breakup in the first place was making sure there would be no equitable resolution by enabling the situation to be fully no contact and enabling and aggravating the demonization of someone he never met before, someone he never knew. Yes, think of a deluded fool who would judge another human being he had never met simply by the disclosure of an unstable woman in distress. Oh yes the narc's world did blow up unexpectedly this time along with the person she was discarding. This wasn't expected by the narcissist at all and the shock of actually being a victim of her own duplicity shook the narcissist to her core. No she was never supposed to have any repercussions from her own treacherous acts, but this time it all caught up with her. Make no mistake though, this just meant the narc had a new battle. Her final phone conversation with me was filled with one threat after another, and my concern was for her and I said please don't hurt yourself. Her response: she was on a mission to destroy me and no she wasn't going to harm herself, my total destruction was her reason for being alive, she was going to make sure I suffered. Yes, her new battle was to make sure that her ex partner suffered and had at least twice as much pain as she had. So the weasel was the perfect tool for her to achieve that goal as well as provide her with comfort. In a sense this was a match made in hell. The female narc on a mission to burn down her previous partner and the manipulative deluded weasel narcissist male with an inferiority complex that couldn't resist the urge to vanquish another man and prove his superiority. Finally he could live out his fantasy delusion of being a victorious warrior. Yes stealing another person's relationship and being a victor was the ultimate mind candy for this clown and his years of wanting to be a victor over another man were finally being lived out in real life. Yes, the weasel thought himself a knight and the female narc played the role of the damsel in distress to a “T”. So you are trying to have important conversations and resolve some major issues with your ex partner. Trying to make sense of things. Trying to get answers. None will ever be coming. Instead you are faced with triangulation as the new couple flaunts their emotionally intimate relationship right in front of you and attempts to drive you crazy with the narc ex putting up multiple sham posts and starting multiple Instagram accounts that they think they are gaslighting you with. The narcissist male weasel's account is the source of one threat after another and the ex backs him up as each post is within seconds “liked” by the female ex and vice versa. Yes this relationship's emotional intimacy plays itself out right in front of you on multiple posts each day. The Christmas and New Years posts brought you to your knees. The female narc and the weasel literally collaborate with each other for hours each day keeping in close contact and synchronizing everything. You have no option but to communicate through your Instagram account and the two way conversations between you and the narc male weasel go on for 4 to 6 weeks. There is no contact between you and the narc ex at all. Yes you and the narc weasel boyfriend are engaging in psychological warfare with the narc weasel making threats one after another and insults as well. You try to keep things positive on your site and reach your ex as well as refute the atheistic rants and raves of the weasel narc and of course the threats of doing violence and things that will end him up in jail. Finally, trying to put an end to things you tell the weasel. You have won, be happy with your achievement. Now stop the threats. Well the weasel continues to gloat. Another warning is given. Bear in mind these are all simply posts on my site and posts on his. I simply ignore the weasel's site for a week or two and then in an effort to block this account I unfortunately have to view it. Well the post that stares me in the face is this: “Proverb: Fear only two: God and the man who has no fear of God”. Well that was a take on my Biblical passages that I had posted on my site. I then made this comment directly on the post: “Fear this: a man who believes in God and has no fear of you.” It's time for you to back up your threats. So what happens next? Well within 20 minutes the narcissist ex shows up at my doorstep and engages in our final conversation and contact together and that brings us to the subject of this video the Karpman Drama Triangle. In short the Karpman drama triangle is the dynamic between three people playing three roles that of victim, persecutor, and savior. How does this apply to the narcissist? Well the narc unwittingly is always caught up in this triangle and seamlessly switches from one role to the next. Let's get back to that final meeting since it only became clearer to me this very day what was going on. So the narcissist walks in to my place of business calm cool and collected and says she only has a few minutes to talk. She thinks she has shocked me by coming in. Why? It goes back to those Instagram accounts of hers. I will spare the details of the gaslighting she did on her site and the bizarre self contradictory posts that she made. In short she was attempting to get me to believe she was moving to another state. The posts on that site were a clear display of the instability and mental illness she was suffering from. Somehow she actually thought that I believed she had moved out of state. So when she walked into my business she thought she had shocked me. She then proceeds to tell me that she hasn't been on Instagram for three months and a friend told her about my Instagram site. No she knew nothing about anything and then proceeds to discuss some of the posts I had made. I then show her on my phone how Instagram links your contacts to an Instagram page and she proceeds with her lying without skipping a beat. I show her more contradictory evidence. Printouts of the threatening Instagram posts that she had made. Yes that advice was given me by the police and a copy of those printouts was added to my police report. I will be kind and not mention the extent of those threats. Just to be clear I did give the narc fair warning to stop the threats or I would file a report with the police. She didn't think I was serious. After 6 weeks of fearing for my life and not eating I had had enough and made the report. Even that day the narc had the opportunity to stop the threats of her family taking care of me. She did not. By the way, I did forget to mention that the worst of her threats were on a very special day. My birthday. Getting back to the final encounter at my business, she then tells me I had to apologize for what I did first and then she would apologize. She then struts out of my business thinking herself victorious. Well her problem was I had already been learning about covert narcissism and I was spotting the lying in real time. Yes her crazy eyes were steady as she blurted out one lie after another, but I looked straight into her eyes and her upper eyelid began twitching. She knew that I knew but thought she wasn't letting on. So what was actually going on in that last meeting other than the obvious? The cold hearted creature was there to run interference for her new beau, but the important thing was her demeanor. She came in calm cool and collected, and she was channeling the new boyfriend who had helped her stay calm and cool and subdue her rage in the face of the terrible situation with her evil ex boyfriend, yours truly. Yes the narc was now mirroring someone new and was a different person altogether than the one who was my partner. That new creature staring right into my eyes had no soul. She literally channeled that narcissistic sack of filth boyfriend of hers as she proudly lied, gaslit me and literally every word out of her mouth was a lie meant to bury me alive. Lying, duplicity, treachery, aggressive vengeful hatred were now virtues to this beast that had once espoused all of my positive traits as her world view and way of life also. Yes my partner once believed honesty, humility, hard work, kindness to others, selflessness, tolerance, a belief in God and being faithful and loyal to her partner for a lifetime as the correct path. This demon in front of me bore no resemblance whatsoever to the previous love of my life. Yes, they shared the same physical body, but my ex was nowhere to be seen inside that Jezebel. The weasel boyfriend had saved her and told her he would take care of her problem, namely me. Yes she was all saturated and filled with the new supply from a new boyfriend and she and he were one. That narc weasel was living inside of her and she treated me like a total stranger with a coldness of spirit that chilled me to the bone. That narcissist truly had no soul and I could hardly believe that I hadn't noticed that throughout our years together. But that was another persona, another mask. This person in front of me was someone else altogether. The cycle, the Karpman triangle had been fully completed with me now being firmly in the role of the evil perpetrator and someone else installed as the savior. She once again took her favorite position of the victim. But let's not downplay the narcissist's versatility. Yes, she had seamlessly played every one of the positions in that Karpman triangle. She walked through my door in June of 2013 doe eyed and at the end of her rope seeking employment. A broken woman. She rapidly told me about a terrible ex she had ended the relationship with but was still in close contact with and slowly she convinced me that I was the perfect man for her. The man she had been looking for all of her life. Yes she was a victim of terrible abuse with a former partner who drank all of the time and was always drunk. She had been abused and likened her previous relationship to the Julia Roberts movie “Sleeping with the Enemy” where the partner came home and everything had to be perfectly organized and clean or she would be berated. But the descriptions of her partner when asked didn't line up with the statements of abuse and I didn't buy into it all and never took the bate by calling that ex evil. Did I know of the Karpman triangle? No. But in retrospect this is exactly what I was dealing with. So fast forward to our last day and the narc who started off as a victim when she walked in my door that first day walked out as the obvious perpetrator that last day. That last day I had been placed into the role of her ex partner and goodness knows what stories she fabricated about me, and the narc weasel was now the savior. Full circle. In actuality I was the victim and both the narc and her weasel savior were the true perpetrators. Of course the narc had gradually taken that position of perpetrator for at least the two previous years of our relationship. However in her mind, even while being the perpetrator in our relationship, it is clear to me that she believed herself to be the victim and correspondingly portrayed herself as the victim and me as the perpetrator to the outside world. Yes she started off the victim, making me the savior and her previous partner the perpetrator. To summarize, in that second stage she made me the perpetrator and herself the victim to the outside world while simultaneously behind closed doors she was the actual perpetrator. In the final act of this Karpman Drama triangle she had retained victim status, made the narcissist weasel the new savior and retained me as the perpetrator. The narc weasel boyfriend complied with her wishes and aided in my demonization and punishment. Karpman triangle completed. One narcissist, three roles. Her role is always of the victim publicly while behind closed doors she is the actual perpetrator. The previous savior then becomes the perpetrator in her public discourse away from him when she no longer has any use for him and is shopping for a new savior. Yes an evil perpetrator is always required and the more evil she can make him the greater the contrast she can create as she idealizes her new savior. This cycle continues throughout the narcissist's life. The trail of broken lives left behind boggles the mind. But the narcissist is always in control of that triangle, always making sure they act out the role that serves their best interest at the moment. Does the narc ever think of themselves as a savior? Yes, when they love bomb and idealize someone and build that person up. Like a calf being fattened for the slaughter. But ultimately the cornerstone of the narc's existence, in their mind at least, is the role of victim. How strange that the narc can't see the irony. For the most part the only victims in the narc's world are those around them and the only perpetrator in their world is the narc themselves. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

The Narcissist and Their Web: How to Break Away The narcissist lives in a world of ambiguity and chaos and will never want to come out of that world of foggy turmoil. The average person couldn't conceive of living in constant unstable pandemonium. It makes no sense to want to live that way, and yet the narc fights every attempt at being brought into the light, into peace, into contentment, into stability. Part of the reason for that is that the narcissist gets bored easily, so stability isn't stimulating enough, but there is also another very important reason why the narcissist wants no resolution in their lives and that is mainly because a peaceful environment with clarity might well expose the narcissist and all of their duplicity. Then there is an even more important area the narcissist has to keep cloudy and ambiguous and that has to do with the debt that the narcissist owes to all that they have come in contact with throughout their lives. Yes that is the core of what makes the narcissist never come out of that dark world of theirs. As long as the narc lives in their world they can avoid seeing things clearly or being seen clearly. Yes, the narc will always stay the victim in their world and always be the person that other people have wronged, the person that is owed repayment. To come out into the light, the world of crystal clear transparency would leave the narcissist very vulnerable and never more so than when the reality is shown. What is that reality? It is the fact that the narc owes a huge debt to the victims they have amassed over their lifetimes. The narc sees themselves as the wronged one, the perennial victim, because the narc intuitively understands that the person that owes is a slave to the person that they owe. The narc always wants to have others in the position of slaves and themselves in the position of master. That is part of the narc's MO, method of operations, modus operandi. The narc must be in control, must be master, must be king or queen and what better way to be in that position than to have everyone they have ever been in contact with be the person who wronged THEM. So the narc puts a huge effort into maintaining victim status and convincing all of those around them that they are the ones who have wronged the narcissist. So the narcissist weaves their web and catches their victims in it, but the narcissist themselves is the one who is truly doomed to live in that web forever, a world strewn with the remains of the countless broken lives of their victims. Those victims, having been sucked dry, either escaped or were ejected by the narcissist, but the remains of the damage will forever stay attached to the narcissist's web. So maybe the narc views these remains as trophies, a source of comfort. A constant reminder that they, the narc, “won”. But that “win” is only valid as long as the narcissist stays in their web. Yes those victims left that web and rebuilt and some poor victims were repeatedly entangled into yet another web of the next narcissist. Knowledge however made other victims learn to recognize the whiles of a narcissist and avoid ever being trapped again. So that is the narcissist's world. No, it isn't a pleasant place to spend time in. Isn't it curious that it takes some time for the victim to realize that obvious fact, the fact that they were actually caught in a web. Well we have to remember that the narc injected that victim with toxins making the victim think that entanglement was natural and normal and even desirable. After enough time away those toxins do wear off and the victim can get back their senses and see things as they really are. Now at this point the victim may finally understand the reality that the narc was the one who wronged them and the narc is the one that owes them a great debt. Of course by now the narc has moved on and has made very sure no collection of that debt will ever be made. In fact the narc will never admit to themselves or to others that they are the ones who owe. No the narc will always insist that they are the victim and that those ex partners all owe them. Pure nonsense, but what else is the narcissist to do? Yes subconsciously the narc knows they are the ones who owe, but the narc will never let themselves or others become aware of that fact. What does this all mean for the victim? Well as the victim becomes more and more aware of what was done to them they become filled with rage anger and resentment and a need to settle the score and seek vengeance. But the slimy narcissist has been through this situation many times before and is fully prepared to never let you get anywhere near them or if you do get an opportunity the narc will make sure they make a speedy exit when confronted and never address any of your concerns. What is exactly going on in these interchanges between narc and victim? To get an answer we will have to take a closer look at the above dynamic and analyze the situation. To do that we will have to look at the relationship between a debtor and the person who is owed the debt. By definition the person who owes is a slave to the person who is owed and this really gets to the heart of the conflict that takes place inside the victim. The victim intuitively, subconsciously understands that they are “owed”, that they are in a position of power after having suffered the abuse and the narcissist is equally aware of “owing” on the very same level of subconsciousness. Yet consciously the victim feels powerless while at the same time the narcissist seems to have all of the power. Yes consciously the dynamic makes the victim the slave with the narcissist as master and in control. But like everything else relating to narcissists that outward appearance is fantasy and in this case it is the exact opposite of reality. The narcissist is actually the slave and the victim is the master. So as a victim you have to understand that dynamic. You think you are in the worst position and the narc has moved on and is in the superior position with no ill effects suffered and in a new relationship. But you have to ask this question of yourself. Would you want to be the person who owes or the person who is owed? Well you don't have that choice, but when you think about it the person who is owed is in a far better position. That person has the power to forgive the perpetrator and grant that narcissist their freedom. Of course the narcissist will never accept that reality and will never appreciate or comprehend the great gift they are given, but that isn't really the point. In granting the narcissist freedom, since you the victim have all of the power to do that, you have freed yourself as well. That is right, the narcissist has no power at all. For the narc to be able to live in clarity, get out of their web they would have to see things as they really are , see themselves as the perpetrator, the one who owes, the one who is enslaved, the one who depends on the victim, who is by default the narc's master, to free them. Yes, the narc depends on your forgiveness but you the victim have no dependence on the narcissist whatsoever to gain your freedom. You are fully in control. You are the master and until you are willing to release the narcissist from his or her bondage to you, you will also be bound to the abuse, stuck in that web so to speak. You can now free yourself. You can break that psychic bond that connected you to the narcissist. Yes, in a way that resentment and anger you felt for the narcissist meant that the narc was still with you, and you with them. Those emotions maintained the emotional connection you had with the narcissist. For you it was a relationship based on love, but for the narcissist that love was never there. Post relationship the victim who has the ability to love is naturally still attached to the narcissist. The very nature of love is that it doesn't let go even in the face of terrible adversity. But that was on the victims end, the victim who is normal. The narc is different when it comes to that bond. The narc never loved and could really care less what happens to their previous partner. The narcissist was never emotionally attached to the victim. If the narc does have any attachment whatsoever to the victim it is either to enjoy seeing the victim pine for them or to torture the victim by flaunting a new relationship or to get the sick thrill of getting the victim to believe that they have changed and perpetrate another con job on their partner once again. Yes it is quite a thrill for the narcissist, it makes them almost feel omnipotent and invincible when they can treat a person with absolute disrespect and cruelty and then return and once again deceive the victim and have them eating out of their hands. No, it isn't about love at all for the narcissist. It is about control and being superior to their target-victim. It's all about playing god and having another person worship them. So whether the victim sees it or not any attachment that exists between them and the narcissist is to the advantage of the narcissist and to the detriment of the victim. The victim gets no benefit whatsoever in maintaining that emotional connection to the narcissist. So if the victim is ever to truly heal every last trace of that bond must be eliminated. No, that isn't what a caring loving human being should do, but when dealing with a narcissist it is the only appropriate thing to do especially if there are no children and you haven't married. Yes it will mean saying goodbye to the narcissist and being that we do still have love for that person despite all that they have done it means we will need to let go. Every victim has the power to decide when that day comes. The day that the narcissist is fully detached from our existence. The narc with all of their ability to deny everything has no say and no power as to when you release them. But to fully release the narcissist and yourself and make that final cut, there is one more bond that has to be severed and that is your love for the narcissist. So yes, you released the narcissist from their debt that they owed you, you eliminated your need for vengeance and now you still have that bond of love that is holding you down. Let's make this clear, the narcissist neither wants nor needs nor appreciates that love so keeping the flame alive will do nothing at all to benefit the possibility of a future relationship. On the contrary the narc will simply use that last vestige of love as a tool to extract even more energy from you the victim. The narc will callously use your love as a tool to manipulate and because they have already burned you the narc will actually think in their heart that you are asking for further abuse, that you actually deserve it. Think about that. So yes it is time to sever that love bond. My deadline was one year and that day is approaching soon and may well be passed by the time this script is made into a video. Yes, I gave it a full year before pronouncing the relationship abandoned. A full year to remove all doubts that the narc was just not thinking clearly and actually is sorry for all that they have done. A full year to pay respect to the love and the commitment I had to that person. To do less would have meant my love and commitment were as fake and phony as that of the narcissist. Forever holding on to my resentment could have sealed the narcissist's fate for eternity as an eternal debtor, but I choose to release them from their debt and wish them happiness and joy in whatever relationship they are now in. Jesus allowed my sins to be forgiven so I am obliged to forgive the narcissist as well, or have my forgiveness placed in jeopardy. In so doing I have freed myself and yes it is with tears in my eyes. Tears for all of the plans and dreams, all of the things we were yet to do together, all of the beaches we would comb and quiet weekends together, all of the sunsets that we will never share. Yes, it was all narcissistic future faking. All fantasies that would never come true as I tried to bring peace and contentment to someone who was living in a web, a web of lies and being that I didn't realize I was in that web with her I could never understand what was binding us and binding me to that frustration and chaos and fog and ambiguity. Yes it was a web that I was caught in and now I am free. Am I better off, happier, more joyful today than I was one year ago, October 6^th 2016? It was one year ago when my ex told me she loved me for the last time. Yes, I am, and that is sad because that means that being alone and in total chaos with an uncertain future but aware and awake is far better than living in a fool's paradise where the angel in front of you was nothing more that a demon in disguise. Yes, I am free and I can go into the future knowing that I did nothing wrong, never lifted one finger or said one word to hurt the narcissist. No it wasn't my fault what happened to me. Yes, the narcissist will say the same thing and try to convince themselves they are innocent, but the weight of their actions, the reality, the truth can never be escaped in the real world. So the narc is no longer a slave to me, but she will always be a slave to her own lies and will always be stuck in her web. Yes in a moment of clarity after a particular rough time the narc gave me I called her a black widow. She rather liked that analogy. Little did I know, only she knew, how close to the truth that analogy was for me and for many others that had come before me. But none of that makes a difference any more. I have come full circle. One year ago today I loved and I had no animosity or anger or bitterness or resentment. One year has passed and I have gotten myself back. I have no anger, no bitterness, no resentment, no animosity. Yes I am back and climbing that mountain of forgiving that narcissist and actually wishing them well was my Mount Everest. I made it to the top and viewed the vast distances that surrounded me. I saw clearly the path my life had taken below me. I saw the path that led me to this point and the many slips and falls, the hopelessness the fear the anxiety the self doubt, the tears, but I persevered and made it to this peak. I now walk back carefully to the ground changed, stronger, better, more aware. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed, Peace be with you.

The Narcissist is Inflexible and Unteachable: The narcissist's mind and motivations will always be an enigma to the outside observer. We can describe narcissists and know what to look for and even try to describe the internal workings of their mind and emotions, but in the end if we aren't narcissists we are giving educated guesses. Sam Vaknin and H. G. Tudor, both avowed narcissists, have taken great efforts to describe the internal workings of their minds and emotions, their motivations and in the early stages their videos are of great value. It just isn't natural or logical or productive to think like a narcissist and the understanding of narcs is simply a way of getting answers for the victim. It is also a field of study for mental health professionals. Those of us on the outside are motivated to know so that we can be enlightened, so that we can make some sense out of the nonsensical world we didn't realize we were dragged into. The subject of love and loyalty and their importance in a relationship has been covered previously. The fact that the narc has an impaired, or no ability at all to appreciate or understand or feel love and loyalty has also been covered. Yes, the narc uses people and loves things although they may “love” their animals and their children, but we use that term love loosely when it comes to the narcissist. My personal observation is that the narc has a loyalty to ideas and ways of thinking, but not to people and this is one of the things that makes them hollow people with no internal compass or code of conduct. It is what makes them unteachable and inflexible and ultimately stunts their growth as individuals. This once again gets into one of the narc's deficiencies. The narc can't think three dimensionally when it comes to emotions, they can only see things on face value, think in two dimensions. That doesn't mean that a narc can't be highly intelligent, but when it comes to emotions they are incapable of understanding many things that most of us take for granted. They don't seek to be independent thinkers or comprehensively understand something, they simply read the “cliff notes” of a subject or even of life itself and then go about pretending they comprehensively studied and red the whole book. So why is this so important? Because being a hollow person is at the heart of, the root of the narcissist's malignancy and toxicity. Malignancy and toxicity to themselves and to all that they come in contact with. Why is this so? Because the narcissist's loyalty to ideas means that they wed themselves to lies and truth becomes a casualty. Yes, the narcissist can never understand the value and the importance and the need for truth. The narcissist considers the truth the enemy, when in reality it is the truth and the truth alone that can free them from their own bondage. So what is wrong with being loyal to an idea? Maybe nothing at all if those ideas are positive and helpful to society, but the problem is always the same, truth can sometimes mean that we need to reevaluate our thought process and divorce ourselves from ideas that we have held all of our lives, because everything always has to be seen in light of new information. The only concept anyone should ever be wedded to is the truth and the truth alone. We should always be willing to lay any idea down when the new truth we have learned dictates that. Our concept of truth is only what we have learned, internalized and processed and it is an opinion, our most accurate and best guess as to what is true. But again we should always be willing to modify that idea we have of what we think the truth is. Is there an ultimate truth? Yes there is, but mere mortals will never be able to see things to that level of clarity. That is God's territory. So how does this apply to narcissists? Well the narcissist sees things totally differently. It's all about image and being seen as a fine person for the narc. Getting accolades and being at the cutting edge. There is no substance to what a narcissist believes or stands for. The narcissist looks at a modern society and then judges what is considered the most trendy and politically correct and most praiseworthy way of thinking in a society and then takes on all of those ideas and opinions as their own. They in effect become loyal to popular and mainstream opinion. Why does the narcissist do this? Because the narcissist is a hollow person with no moral compass and no motivation to seek the truth. It's all about appearance and being seen for the narc, their billboard. Now what if it becomes popular to be against something the narc previously supported? Well then the narc shifts that loyalty to the next popular item. What if it becomes trendy to be an independent thinker? The narc will then feign that also and be counter to things, but only after close observation of people with the genuine passion for change and then the narc will as closely as possible mimic that behavior. So an uninformed observer might actually believe a narc to be a dissident and on the surface that narc will appear to sound like one, but don't ask to many questions. The narc intuitively understands the weakness of any of their stances and this is one of the reasons the narc will never get into an actual substantive discussion on a topic they supposedly support. The narc isn't interested in the truth or to expose their weak understanding of a topic. Again to the narc it's all about maintaining that image, what is on the surface. The narc has no interest and sees no value in the truth if it isn't trendy and sees any attempts at a substantive discussion that may give ideas that are unpopular a seat in her mind as something that doesn't fit her agenda. The narc will never be seen as unpopular or ever have a politically incorrect idea unless of course it becomes trendy to be unpopular or politically incorrect. Then the narc will be all in. Now we might call this the end of the discussion, but we are dealing with a narcissist and so we need to go further. Now if the narc were a genuine person with an actual internal code of conduct and a way of thinking that was actually genuine they could then go into any setting and interact with numerous people as an integrated human being that has ideas that are different from those that are around them, but always willing to change their opinion if their internal truth is contradicted by something that is actually closer to the truth. But here is the problem for the narcissist. The narcissists, being that they are hollow people, have to create a false persona for any setting they are in. The narc couldn't possibly maintain 5 genuine personas, but the narc can very easily put on 5 distinct custom made masks (“hollow surface personas”) at any one time. So the narc sees no value or interest in developing themselves as a genuine human being. Instead the narc puts all of their energy into creating the illusions of being a certain type of person. So what suffers for all of this? Well the people around the narc suffer incredibly, especially when the narc decides they have mined all of their partner's resources, “sucked them dry”, so to speak. But the narc also suffers since they never grow as human beings, they simply shift from one false mask to the next, and this creates the utter turmoil and chaos that the narc spends every moment of every day in. The narc has no stability, no core that has grown over the course of their lives. This creates the insecurity that is at the heart of their malevolent behavior. Yes, the narcissist has insecurities and those insecurities mean that the narcissist intuitively knows that they are "different" from others and not necessarily in a good or superior way. But the narc can't handle that fact, so they constantly have to remind themselves of the falsehood that they are superior to others. Part of being superior to others means that they have to make others in their environment feel inferior to them. Anyone in the narc's environment that has more knowledge or ability is a sore spot for the narc, therefore the narc impulsively has to cut those people down. So, maybe the intent is motivated by a survival instinct. The narc can't imagine being inferior or wrong or bad. The narc can't see or understand that most people are neither all good or all bad and that an acknowledgment and awareness of their own "badness" or being wrong makes a "normal" person work on those areas and become better. The narc can only think in terms of superior or inferior, good or bad right or wrong and the narc always needs to be superior, good, and right, even if they are obviously inferior and wrong. The narc pulls this off in their mind by warping the reality around them and oftentimes enlisting others ("flying monkeys") to reinforce the false image of themselves. Yes the narc puts others down to make them inferior, but that isn't all they do. The narc will engage in a smear campaign or intimidate someone or even threaten or commit physical violence just to always be in the superior position. The position of control and command. So yes the narc may be motivated by the need to deny and drown out their own insecurities, but it goes without saying that the terrible acts they commit are never justified. Those acts are evil plain and simple. So the narc avoids growth and emotionally stays an immature child. So is there really an excuse that the narc can never change? That there upbringing or their genetics or a combination of both caused them to be who they are? So people claim the narc has an abnormal brain structure? Well the brain is plastic and flexible well into old age and that is simply not an acceptable excuse. For all we know years of abberant and evil behavior and a total ignoring of their own conscience and a refusal to feel any empathy or remorse caused the actual remodeling of that narc's brain. But just in case the excuse is made that the narc's brain started out with a deficit let's watch a brief clip from the Ted x talk titled “the woman who changed her brain”. A link of the full video is given at the beginning of the description. So many might not want to believe that the narcissist can change, but the narcissist could change if they so chose. It would take training themselves to respond to and grow their conscience, empathy, feelings of remorse and to try and understand what love really is and cultivate it. No we aren't living in the 1950's. Times have changed. The brain does have plasticity and the brain does restructure it's very physical anatomy with training, even in older people. So the narc has absolutely no excuse at all. They are fully responsible. The narc refuses to learn, the narc refuses to change, the narc refuses to humble themselves and give their life to God. Yes, it would be very convenient for the narcissist if everyone believed they couldn't change because of a brain abnormality, or because of their upbringing, or because of numerous other reasons. Many victims and most narcissists reinforce the notion that the narc can't change. The truth is the narc could change, but the narc refuses to change. The narcissist is inflexible and unteachable. That is by their choice. That makes their depraved and their terrible behavior all the more unacceptable and all the more evil. The narc no longer has any excuses for what they do. Yes the narc is fully responsible for all that they have done throughout their lives and they owe each and every one of their victims a heartfelt apology and the payment of compensation, with interest, for all that they have done. God and God alone can take away that debt. But the narc had better have a genuine conversion. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

Trust and the Narcissist: The narcissist trusts no one. They are suspicious of every word and gesture of those they come in contact with. This attitude is one of the many ways that narcissists make themselves dysfunctional and dissociate themselves with reality. The inability to trust makes narcs inefficient in all that they do and holds them back in many ways, but the narc never sees things that way. Yes, the narc views those who trust as dysfunctional and naive and the narc can point to numerous occasions where being trusting burnt the person who trusted. The narc never sees the big picture, the fact that we all understand that people can't be fully trusted and that the trust we give others is based on experience and testing the waters. So the trust a normal person places in another human being is earned by the person who receives that trust. This ability to give trust appropriately can only be learned by trusting, getting burned and then re-evaluating a healthier way of continuing to trust others. Of course the narc has a severe handicap when it comes to trust. They have only themselves to use as a reference point and the narc is totally aware of the treachery, deceit and duplicity that lurks inside of them. So the narc thinks any trust given to anyone is misplaced. Of course that is true only when a normal human being encounters a narc. Yes, the narc will take advantage of even the smallest amount of trust and belief we place in them. But the narc fails to see that trust is his or her problem, not a problem for normal people who don't seek to lie and deceive people in every way. Yes the narc deceives and plays their game for important things and even in the most trivial things. The narc is wedded to duplicity and will never come clean. Yes the narc will stick to the most insignificant lie and never admit to having lied. Even in the face of the truth. Why? Because the narc takes great pride in that ability to lie and also because the narc's flawless ability to lie relies on the narc themselves clinging to and believing that lie to be true. So what are the nuts and bolts of the narc's thought process with regard to trust? No one but the narc knows for sure, but let's do some informed speculation. Yes, I was intimately involved with a covert narc and actually put a huge effort in to try to understand her. So again, the narc views the average healthy person who trusts as a fool, as dysfunctional and views themselves as the wise functional person. The narc is well aware that the average person starts out with a baseline of trust that they extend to all people and the narc then seeks out that baseline as soon as they can. The narc then gets a foothold on that trust and after studying the victim gradually finds new ways of gaining the target's trust. Again in this scenario the narc always sees themselves as the superior and wise one. Regardless of the level of trust the narc finally obtains they then put that trust on the shelf to be used as a tool in the future when it is needed. To achieve a goal. Let's never forget that the people in the narc's environment are simply objects, appliances to be used and in this case the people will be used towards a goal. You could say that the narc is creating a group of “potential flying monkeys”. That goal could be to damage someone in what the narc considers their own self defense or to “get ahead”, used to get a relationship or job promotion, or used as a tool of treachery. The treachery is when the narc uses another person's good will and trust that they have obtained by duplicity and counterfeit concern and uses that trust to obtain information they then use to damage the person who gave it. Yes, I was an eye witness to that treachery and frankly it took my breath away to think that someone could be that duplicitous and actually use someone's love for them as a tool to damage that very person that cared about them. Yes the narc was actually proud of having been treacherous, she thought it quite an achievement. Never once considering the damage she was doing to others with her treachery or even considering the fact that treachery is evil. So let's illustrate these points, how the narcissist uses trust as a tool. So the narc makes friends and wins their confidence and trust. This could be on a social site or at the workplace or it could even be over the course of years as she gains the confidence of certain extended family members. Yes, the narc builds up trust wherever they go. Then the narc has a major disagreement with someone, or the narc is caught red handed lying, stealing, cheating, committing adultery, etc. The narc immediately uses the trust equity to circle the wagons and makes the person who she feels has wronged her an evil human being by fabricating a story that all of those who trust the narc will believe. If the narc can do this pre-emptively, before the other party has a chance to speak to others about it all the better, so she quickly swings into action. Oftentimes the narc already has another shelf full of feasible lies about that person that can be told to multiple groups of people. The stakes are much higher when the narc is caught doing questionable and embarrassing acts of evil so the narc goes many steps further. First she will try to get the observer to be a nice person and keep what they have observed to themselves. The person may then have to take some time to decide if it is the right thing to keep quiet or not. For example the revelation of a theft or of adultery may end up ruining the narc's job or relationship so the narc plays on that and makes sure she pleads a case to the observer that will make that observer stop and pause. Meanwhile, the narc has bought themselves precious time and immediately engages on a smear campaign to discredit that person with the knowledge of the narc's wrongdoing. The narc sees everything as a power play, a game. The worst thing for a narc is if someone else has damaging information on them. They automatically assume that that person will abuse that supposed power and the narc therefore makes sure the person is discredited and considered unreliable, or even crazy. So yes the narc sees trust as a tool, an insurance policy that he or she will use in any contingency. After all, insurance, a safety net is needed with the kind of questionable practices the narc engages in almost every day of the year. Under less stressful circumstances trust is merely used by the narc to smooth out their life. Make work a bit easier or make her home life easier. Yes the trust always gives a degree of comfort and gives the narc just a bit more wiggle room for practicing her unconventional lifestyle. Unconventional in the sense that the narc will always try to get away with one evil act or another. Living an honest transparent life means there are no opportunities to be covert. No fun for the narc. Yes an honest normal life is boring. Turmoil is all the narc knows and wants. Peace and tranquility and contentment again mean the narc is missing out, missing out on leading a double, triple, or quadruple covert existence. So what is it that the narc is missing out on, just not understanding about trust? Well trust is essential for anyone to be truly functional and achieve their highest potential. It is not naive to trust, it is always understood that people don't always tell the truth or have pure motives, but that is beside the point. To think clearly you take into account the inaccuracies in people's statements and impurity of their motives but to be functional you need to take most everything on face value, with a grain of salt. Constantly believing that people are looking for an edge or doing everything for ulterior motives means that you can never think clearly about anything, you can never make clear decisions or comprehend a situation in order to make those decisions sound. Instead, you are caught up in a never ending cycle of second guessing. The narc fails to realize that their endless second guessing takes them farther away from the truth and clouds the situation rather than giving clarity. Yes, taking things on face value will always invariably be as close to the truth as you can ever get. Can a person live a life under those conditions of never trusting or believing in the good of others? Yes they can, but that person will be functioning far below their potential and will miss out on the opportunities life gives all of us to grow and mature. So when does the average person's ability to trust become a problem, a stumbling block? Only in one instance, when they encounter a narcissist, a criminal, a killer, a psychopath. Being that the narc has no conscience, empathy or remorse there is very little to distinguish them from every other undesirable and evil person on earth. The narc is simply too cowardly to go the next step. But oh what they could achieve if they could get away with everything. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.