The Narcissist and Their Web: How to Break Away The narcissist lives in a world of ambiguity and chaos and will never want to come out of that world of foggy turmoil. The average person couldn't conceive of living in constant unstable pandemonium. It makes no sense to want to live that way, and yet the narc fights every attempt at being brought into the light, into peace, into contentment, into stability. Part of the reason for that is that the narcissist gets bored easily, so stability isn't stimulating enough, but there is also another very important reason why the narcissist wants no resolution in their lives and that is mainly because a peaceful environment with clarity might well expose the narcissist and all of their duplicity. Then there is an even more important area the narcissist has to keep cloudy and ambiguous and that has to do with the debt that the narcissist owes to all that they have come in contact with throughout their lives. Yes that is the core of what makes the narcissist never come out of that dark world of theirs. As long as the narc lives in their world they can avoid seeing things clearly or being seen clearly. Yes, the narc will always stay the victim in their world and always be the person that other people have wronged, the person that is owed repayment. To come out into the light, the world of crystal clear transparency would leave the narcissist very vulnerable and never more so than when the reality is shown. What is that reality? It is the fact that the narc owes a huge debt to the victims they have amassed over their lifetimes. The narc sees themselves as the wronged one, the perennial victim, because the narc intuitively understands that the person that owes is a slave to the person that they owe. The narc always wants to have others in the position of slaves and themselves in the position of master. That is part of the narc's MO, method of operations, modus operandi. The narc must be in control, must be master, must be king or queen and what better way to be in that position than to have everyone they have ever been in contact with be the person who wronged THEM. So the narc puts a huge effort into maintaining victim status and convincing all of those around them that they are the ones who have wronged the narcissist. So the narcissist weaves their web and catches their victims in it, but the narcissist themselves is the one who is truly doomed to live in that web forever, a world strewn with the remains of the countless broken lives of their victims. Those victims, having been sucked dry, either escaped or were ejected by the narcissist, but the remains of the damage will forever stay attached to the narcissist's web. So maybe the narc views these remains as trophies, a source of comfort. A constant reminder that they, the narc, “won”. But that “win” is only valid as long as the narcissist stays in their web. Yes those victims left that web and rebuilt and some poor victims were repeatedly entangled into yet another web of the next narcissist. Knowledge however made other victims learn to recognize the whiles of a narcissist and avoid ever being trapped again. So that is the narcissist's world. No, it isn't a pleasant place to spend time in. Isn't it curious that it takes some time for the victim to realize that obvious fact, the fact that they were actually caught in a web. Well we have to remember that the narc injected that victim with toxins making the victim think that entanglement was natural and normal and even desirable. After enough time away those toxins do wear off and the victim can get back their senses and see things as they really are. Now at this point the victim may finally understand the reality that the narc was the one who wronged them and the narc is the one that owes them a great debt. Of course by now the narc has moved on and has made very sure no collection of that debt will ever be made. In fact the narc will never admit to themselves or to others that they are the ones who owe. No the narc will always insist that they are the victim and that those ex partners all owe them. Pure nonsense, but what else is the narcissist to do? Yes subconsciously the narc knows they are the ones who owe, but the narc will never let themselves or others become aware of that fact. What does this all mean for the victim? Well as the victim becomes more and more aware of what was done to them they become filled with rage anger and resentment and a need to settle the score and seek vengeance. But the slimy narcissist has been through this situation many times before and is fully prepared to never let you get anywhere near them or if you do get an opportunity the narc will make sure they make a speedy exit when confronted and never address any of your concerns. What is exactly going on in these interchanges between narc and victim? To get an answer we will have to take a closer look at the above dynamic and analyze the situation. To do that we will have to look at the relationship between a debtor and the person who is owed the debt. By definition the person who owes is a slave to the person who is owed and this really gets to the heart of the conflict that takes place inside the victim. The victim intuitively, subconsciously understands that they are “owed”, that they are in a position of power after having suffered the abuse and the narcissist is equally aware of “owing” on the very same level of subconsciousness. Yet consciously the victim feels powerless while at the same time the narcissist seems to have all of the power. Yes consciously the dynamic makes the victim the slave with the narcissist as master and in control. But like everything else relating to narcissists that outward appearance is fantasy and in this case it is the exact opposite of reality. The narcissist is actually the slave and the victim is the master. So as a victim you have to understand that dynamic. You think you are in the worst position and the narc has moved on and is in the superior position with no ill effects suffered and in a new relationship. But you have to ask this question of yourself. Would you want to be the person who owes or the person who is owed? Well you don't have that choice, but when you think about it the person who is owed is in a far better position. That person has the power to forgive the perpetrator and grant that narcissist their freedom. Of course the narcissist will never accept that reality and will never appreciate or comprehend the great gift they are given, but that isn't really the point. In granting the narcissist freedom, since you the victim have all of the power to do that, you have freed yourself as well. That is right, the narcissist has no power at all. For the narc to be able to live in clarity, get out of their web they would have to see things as they really are , see themselves as the perpetrator, the one who owes, the one who is enslaved, the one who depends on the victim, who is by default the narc's master, to free them. Yes, the narc depends on your forgiveness but you the victim have no dependence on the narcissist whatsoever to gain your freedom. You are fully in control. You are the master and until you are willing to release the narcissist from his or her bondage to you, you will also be bound to the abuse, stuck in that web so to speak. You can now free yourself. You can break that psychic bond that connected you to the narcissist. Yes, in a way that resentment and anger you felt for the narcissist meant that the narc was still with you, and you with them. Those emotions maintained the emotional connection you had with the narcissist. For you it was a relationship based on love, but for the narcissist that love was never there. Post relationship the victim who has the ability to love is naturally still attached to the narcissist. The very nature of love is that it doesn't let go even in the face of terrible adversity. But that was on the victims end, the victim who is normal. The narc is different when it comes to that bond. The narc never loved and could really care less what happens to their previous partner. The narcissist was never emotionally attached to the victim. If the narc does have any attachment whatsoever to the victim it is either to enjoy seeing the victim pine for them or to torture the victim by flaunting a new relationship or to get the sick thrill of getting the victim to believe that they have changed and perpetrate another con job on their partner once again. Yes it is quite a thrill for the narcissist, it makes them almost feel omnipotent and invincible when they can treat a person with absolute disrespect and cruelty and then return and once again deceive the victim and have them eating out of their hands. No, it isn't about love at all for the narcissist. It is about control and being superior to their target-victim. It's all about playing god and having another person worship them. So whether the victim sees it or not any attachment that exists between them and the narcissist is to the advantage of the narcissist and to the detriment of the victim. The victim gets no benefit whatsoever in maintaining that emotional connection to the narcissist. So if the victim is ever to truly heal every last trace of that bond must be eliminated. No, that isn't what a caring loving human being should do, but when dealing with a narcissist it is the only appropriate thing to do especially if there are no children and you haven't married. Yes it will mean saying goodbye to the narcissist and being that we do still have love for that person despite all that they have done it means we will need to let go. Every victim has the power to decide when that day comes. The day that the narcissist is fully detached from our existence. The narc with all of their ability to deny everything has no say and no power as to when you release them. But to fully release the narcissist and yourself and make that final cut, there is one more bond that has to be severed and that is your love for the narcissist. So yes, you released the narcissist from their debt that they owed you, you eliminated your need for vengeance and now you still have that bond of love that is holding you down. Let's make this clear, the narcissist neither wants nor needs nor appreciates that love so keeping the flame alive will do nothing at all to benefit the possibility of a future relationship. On the contrary the narc will simply use that last vestige of love as a tool to extract even more energy from you the victim. The narc will callously use your love as a tool to manipulate and because they have already burned you the narc will actually think in their heart that you are asking for further abuse, that you actually deserve it. Think about that. So yes it is time to sever that love bond. My deadline was one year and that day is approaching soon and may well be passed by the time this script is made into a video. Yes, I gave it a full year before pronouncing the relationship abandoned. A full year to remove all doubts that the narc was just not thinking clearly and actually is sorry for all that they have done. A full year to pay respect to the love and the commitment I had to that person. To do less would have meant my love and commitment were as fake and phony as that of the narcissist. Forever holding on to my resentment could have sealed the narcissist's fate for eternity as an eternal debtor, but I choose to release them from their debt and wish them happiness and joy in whatever relationship they are now in. Jesus allowed my sins to be forgiven so I am obliged to forgive the narcissist as well, or have my forgiveness placed in jeopardy. In so doing I have freed myself and yes it is with tears in my eyes. Tears for all of the plans and dreams, all of the things we were yet to do together, all of the beaches we would comb and quiet weekends together, all of the sunsets that we will never share. Yes, it was all narcissistic future faking. All fantasies that would never come true as I tried to bring peace and contentment to someone who was living in a web, a web of lies and being that I didn't realize I was in that web with her I could never understand what was binding us and binding me to that frustration and chaos and fog and ambiguity. Yes it was a web that I was caught in and now I am free. Am I better off, happier, more joyful today than I was one year ago, October 6^th 2016? It was one year ago when my ex told me she loved me for the last time. Yes, I am, and that is sad because that means that being alone and in total chaos with an uncertain future but aware and awake is far better than living in a fool's paradise where the angel in front of you was nothing more that a demon in disguise. Yes, I am free and I can go into the future knowing that I did nothing wrong, never lifted one finger or said one word to hurt the narcissist. No it wasn't my fault what happened to me. Yes, the narcissist will say the same thing and try to convince themselves they are innocent, but the weight of their actions, the reality, the truth can never be escaped in the real world. So the narc is no longer a slave to me, but she will always be a slave to her own lies and will always be stuck in her web. Yes in a moment of clarity after a particular rough time the narc gave me I called her a black widow. She rather liked that analogy. Little did I know, only she knew, how close to the truth that analogy was for me and for many others that had come before me. But none of that makes a difference any more. I have come full circle. One year ago today I loved and I had no animosity or anger or bitterness or resentment. One year has passed and I have gotten myself back. I have no anger, no bitterness, no resentment, no animosity. Yes I am back and climbing that mountain of forgiving that narcissist and actually wishing them well was my Mount Everest. I made it to the top and viewed the vast distances that surrounded me. I saw clearly the path my life had taken below me. I saw the path that led me to this point and the many slips and falls, the hopelessness the fear the anxiety the self doubt, the tears, but I persevered and made it to this peak. I now walk back carefully to the ground changed, stronger, better, more aware. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed, Peace be with you.