The Covert Narcissist Loves “Paying it Forward”: Now before we go anywhere into this discussion it should be clarified that the narcissist loves the concept of paying it forward, they don’t actually like to pay anything that costs them forward. Remember the cold and calculating narc sees life as a game, a game in which they always come out the winner, on top. Part of being a winner is doing a careful cost to benefit analysis of every positive or beneficial thing that they do. The narc thrives on public attention and being thought of as a fine person, so partaking in acts of charity that are noticed by others is seen as highly desirable to the covert narcissist. The benefit extends further because many of these activities are group efforts and the narc's actual emotional detachment and lack of genuine concern can be easily camouflaged. The very act of doing this charitable work is the perfect smokescreen that allows the covert narcissist to avoid any scrutiny. So yes, paying it forward is a very prestigious way of being charitable. It might even be one of the highest forms of charity out there for these narcopathic creeps. Why? Because the accolades that come along with being someone who pays it forward, either in a large scale charity, where those who are more privileged give of their time and resources or even on an individual basis where only a handful of people can take notice, pays huge dividends in the form of high quality fuel for the narcissist.

Sadly, the narc doesn’t even understand the concept of paying it forward. Yes, they may do it mechanically and then tell everyone they’ve done it. They might even convince themselves that if they get 100 Dollars and they throw 10 cents into a tin cup they have paid it forward. Yes, sometimes that narc will give 10 Dollars out of a hundred, or even the whole hundred. But there must be some payoff in the form of bolstering their “billboard” or public persona. The narc will never understand that what they have done isn’t really paying it forward. There is more to paying it forward than just receiving and giving. There are actual emotions involved that go along with that act. Charity comes from the heart and the narc, sad to say cares about no one but themselves. In a court of law, were the truth to ever come out, that narc would be convicted of depraved selfishness one hundred times over with the jury all in full agreement. There would be no doubt whatsoever that that covert narcopath lives and breaths for themselves and themselves alone. No, like every other positive endeavor of the human race, the narc will never understand and all they can do is pretend and mimic the genuine actions and words of others. Now the discussion could end there, but we wouldn't be taking into account that, in a twisted way, the covert narc does pay things forward. Unfortunately, like everything else with a covert narc, it is a reverse image of the genuine article. How so? Well, many a narc will tell sorrowful tales about their terrible childhood. How much of this abuse is real and fabricated will never be known to the average person, but it would be safe to assume that some form of neglect or abuse did occur to make these individuals the warped excuses for a human being they become. So during the course of the narc's upbringing it may well be that a parent or caretaker had finally had enough of the young narc's insolence or saw deep-set problems that needed to be addressed and actually tried to discipline that narc. It may well be that family members that the narc trusted betrayed that trust and stole from the narc, leaving that narc feeling used and abused by the fact that those people had been totally disingenuous and played that narc for a fool. Yes the narc did occasionally make themselves vulnerable and the pain of that betrayal left an impact. In addition, that narc may have early on actually been used and abused by partners that were also narcopaths and having been manipulated and abused, that narc was effected negatively. Yes that narc may have had a partner that manipulated them into a relationship then marriage and starting a family and on top of all of that, cheated on that narc in the cruelest manner possible. The reality is of course that the narc was taking every opportunity to cheat and the partner finally returned the favor, but that is an aside. A good case can be made that previous abuse both mental, emotional, and physical may well have occurred in that covert narcissist's past. It is also a good bet that much of what the narc views as abuse was well deserved by that narcopathic creep. Before we proceed, there is an important distinction that needs to be made between the narc paying it forward and the narc seeking revenge for supposed harm done to them. Yes, they are two totally different things. When the narc pays their vitriol forward, the negativity they dispense is done to someone who never deserved it. That person was frequently not even present when that initial perceived wrong was done to the narcissist. With regard to paying it forward, the point to be emphasized is that the narc has baggage, their own set of issues brought about by their personal interactions with other people. No doubt, much of that abuse is not abuse at all, since with a narcopath, glancing at them with the wrong expression, not complimenting them enough, or having the audacity to question anything they say or do, let alone voice objections is all bundled and categorized within the framework of abuse. This creates deep seated hostility in the narcopath, especially when these narcopath appointed abusers are out of the narc's reach. So by proxy that narc will find scapegoats to pay forward the perceived abuse that was perpetrated upon them in the past. This is when the narc takes the opportunity to take all of the negativity they have absorbed and pay it forward to another individual, an innocent bystander. But the narc will make sure that they pay that evil back multiple fold. Yes, someone will have to suffer twice as badly as that narc did for the narc to be satisfied. So if the narc was manipulated and threatened or physically abused in the past, one day that narc will find an opportunity to pay all of that forward to another person, some intimate partner that has made themselves vulnerable. The narc may have felt the betrayal of having things stolen by family members when they let down their guard and now needs to pay that forward as well. The narc, who personally cheated on their partners as frequently as possible still felt incredible outrage when the same was done to them. So, cruelly flaunting flirtatious behavior in the process of the discard and a new relationship after the discard in front of their previous partner is the perfect vehicle for paying more negativity forward. Yes in the end the narc not only “gets even”, they make sure they get even multiple times more than the initial offense. The cold calculating narc weighs and measures everything precisely on the scales and measures of their own design, then does the math and multiplies the evil they pay back on others.
The narc refuses to accept or acknowledge an obvious fact. In committing their evil and treachery, that narc lost all rights to complain about their childhood or any abusive relationship they have ever had. The narc neutralized their own victim status by becoming a perpetrator that repeated and even amplified and exceeded all of the past abuse done to them. Why? Because they took their own vengeance and even worse than that they made innocent people suffer so that they could vent their own accumulated hostility. But the narc doesn't see things that way at all. No that narc continues to cling to the notion that they have been victimized by the world. So the narc walks away from the disaster they have created in someone's life. No this wasn't a fluke occurrence or a temporary loss of sanity. This was abuse that went on for weeks and months after reeking havoc on their supposed previous lifetime partner. The narc had numerous opportunities to repair the emotional and mental damage but that narc refused and even felt proud of and enjoyed milking that depleted partner to within an inch of their lives. But now the narc is reformed. They have recreated themselves and once again they take on the role of the martyr that gave everything for others and never got anything for themselves. Yes that narc feels totally justified in all they have done in the past and absolutely thinks it correct and proper to once again take on victim status. So that narc thinks that they’re free and clear, that they don’t have any baggage. Yes they are leaving for their new life and relationship. They’re getting on the plane and they're not taking anyone else's baggage. Cute. Neat. But unfortunately all of the messy details of the past have either been deleted or modified to fit the new narrative. But does the truth, the reality really just dissolve into the past? Not in the real world, but anything is possible in the narc's warped version of reality. Well that narc has postured themselves to do exactly that, erase and revise the past to fit that new narrative. But can that narc's past, the truth really just be buried? No, that isn't how things work, since unfortunately for the narc, the world doesn't really revolve around them.
Yes, even those closest to the narc have been brainwashed to believe that the narc is the martyr, the narc is the one that suffered deeply and sacrifice greatly, and finally that narc deserves a life of their own lived on their terms with the partner of their choice in the location of their choice. Yes even those closest to the narc may believe that ruse. In fact, that narc has probably even convinced themselves that it’s all correct. But we know better and as that narc's new and idealized Shangri-La slowly falls apart and dissolves the narc will once again have 100 different reasons why things failed, but they will never point a finger at them selves. It will always be another person’s fault. In the end that narc will be alone and there will be nobody to point the finger at but themselves and they will pay for every nasty act that they have ever perpetrated upon another human being or even animal for that matter.
What the narc fails to understand is that they have a huge amount of baggage, and that includes all of the damage they have done to others. That baggage that they’ve created for others belongs to the narc and they can never escape it except for one possible way, Jesus now not later.
A genuine conversion that is proven by a changed attitude and actions. A person who has turned over a new leaf and has divorced themselves from their lifetime partner the lie. But the narc will never separate themselves from their one constant and reliable partner, the lie. That narc may pretend to be contrite and pretend to be telling the truth in an effort to patronize an ex partner and shut them up. But the keen observer can easily see through the guise. Yes that narc will never change their ways and can't help themselves but to fall into the same patterns of deceit and treachery and lying like there is no tomorrow. Not to mention the grandstanding. Yes, the narc thinks it impressive when they announce they are working for a charitable organization of international renown. Charity in its essence starts at home, with the people closest to you. How you treat those people behind closed doors is the true measure of your charity. Yes, the way that the narcissist treats their loved ones and their significant others shows the true nature of that beast. No, it’s not a pretty sight and when you compound that with someone who struts around wanting the world to believe what wonderful people they are, the stench of hypocrisy brings tears to your eyes. It's what you do that no one will ever know about that is the important thing, then all of those public acts flow from that. But the narc doesn't and will never get it. It's all about the mind candy of being publicly acknowledged as a fine person. Being linked to and associating with the people that the world deems important. So what does it mean to pay something forward, covert narcissist style? It means dumping all of your toxic emotional and mental garbage on others for them to absorb. If those people don't survive the process, it's not the narc's problem. The other narcissist version of paying it forward is the fake posturing that the narc calls paying it forward and appears to be the genuine item to most observers. So the average observer and even the narc themselves genuinely believes in the narc's masquerade. That narc truly believes that their fake display of charity is the equivalent of what others do when they pay things forward. But if course it's all about attitude and because of that the narc falls short. Yes paying it forward narcissist style perfectly illustrates the mentality of the covert narcissist. Public activity for all to see because the narc craves public attention and admiration with zero substance behind those public displays. Oh yes that narc will do things that benefit others, but the gain to the narc will always far exceed the narc's outlay. That's just how it is with the narc.
Yes the narc is getting on a plane and not taking anyone else’s baggage, but what the narc fails to take into account is the mountains of damage, the baggage they’ve created for countless victims over the course of their lives. That baggage is all on the narc's account and they can't escape that fact no matter how they try to deny it or how much time passes. So there will never be any genuine peace for the narc and the chaos and turmoil that the narc lives in is well deserved. Yes, there will be a few moments of contentment in the beginning stages when the narc starts that new life and new persona and new relationship, in that new environment. But make no mistake that narc has baggage. Their own and all of the baggage they have created for others. They own it all. It is inescapable. That narc's past will haunt them, not because of guilt or remorse. Not by way of the victims. Those victims have genuinely moved on and set themselves up for genuine peace and joy and contentment. But because that narc is cold and calculating and always “does the math”. Like every shyster with a Ponzi scheme, that narc knows they have stolen and stolen big time to get to where they are. That narc knows that they owe more than they could ever pay back and the interest on what they owe accrues each and every day and has done so for years and decades. Only Jesus can cover that debt and give that narc peace, absolving them of all that they owe.
So the narc is a charitable human being according to themselves. But their activities of the past few decades tell a very different story. One of zero charity, zero concern for any other human being but for themselves, and selfishness that would boggle the average person's mind. Yes, that narc is getting on a plane and not taking anyone else’s baggage. Only their own. But the narc has a problem. They don't decide what is and isn't their baggage. They don't decide what they are and aren't responsible for. Yes that narc can get on a plane to the other side of the world, a tropical paradise, but they will never be able to escape the real baggage that belongs to them. That narc can't change the past or pretend it never existed. Yes there was a particular narc that was told of the folly of trying to run away from your problems by changing your latitude not your attitude. But the narc apparently never paid attention to the important wisdom that someone was trying to impart to her. She was busy finding all of the angles and studying a target to see how she could play her wicked game and entangle that person in her web of deceptions. She got caught in that web as well. Well that narc will be once again caught in a web of her own creation and she will not be the one that calls the shots or is in control. How foolish of those narcopathic creeps to not take into account all the damage that they’ve done to others and somehow foster the illusion that they deserve happiness, peace, joy and contentment. You don't achieve those goals by walking away from problems, you achieve them by dealing with the problems and resolving them. Somehow the narc believes that denying the damage they have done resolves everything. Pretending the abuse they perpetrated never existed and refusing further contact with a discarded victim is all it takes for them to move on. Yes for the typical narc it's all about them and them alone.. The victims of narc abuse tried desperately to resolve things the correct and healthy way after that discard. Those victims deserved and needed answers, needed to sort things out so that they could learn and heal and move on. Those victims eventually found their answers without the help of the narcopath and they are the ones who have worked hard to achieve a peaceful existence. Yes, many a victim tried to clear the decks so that both partners could move on and have genuine peace, but the narc simply refused and in fact reveled in torturing that ex lifetime partner as they struggled to get their bearings. But according to the narc and their twisted view of the world none of what they have done in the past is their problem. That narc simply turns off the switch to one relationship and turns on the switch to another. Yes that covert narc actually thinks they are entitled to a happy existence. Well good luck to them. Hope it works out. Because it isn't the ex partner's problem at all. That ex partner can get on any plane and has no baggage other than their responsibility to others that they embrace and don't see as a burden at all. Yes, charity begins at home. It comes from the heart. Where no one can see. Peace joy and contentment are all about attitude. So is genuine love, commitment and loyalty for that matter. All things that the narc will never be able to comprehend. Yes paying it forward perfectly illustrates the mentality of the covert narcissist. That narc cherishes the dividends that the appearance of paying it forward can provide, so therefore the narc loves the concept of paying it forward. But it's all fake phony and a fraud. Yes the narc never paid anything forward that didn't return more than their outlay and certainly there was no heart in the act. Well one day life will pay the covert narcissist. Not pay forward, but simply give the narc what they have rightfully earned. With interest. Yes everyone that narc ever damaged deserved it according to the narc. They will see how well that argument holds up one day.
Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. ENDING COMMENTS: One of the largest obstacles to recovery for the victim of covert narc abuse is the anger and hostility that arises when that victim finally understands what happened to them. Yes, the need to take vengeance, give that narc a dose of their own medicine is a major challenge to overcome, but it MUST be overcome if that victim is ever to move on and heal. So NO, it isn't healthy or helpful to the victim to want to seek vengeance. However there is nothing wrong with wanting to SEE vengeance. Yes, the wicked prosper in this world, even end up having advantages from their wicked acts. That situation is covered by the Bible. Pay close attention to Psalm 73: Verses 2 and 3: But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled,my steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. Verses 6 through 9: Therefore pride is their necklace;
violence covers them as a garment. Their eyes swell out through fatness; their hearts overflow with follies. They scoff and speak with malice; loftily they threaten oppression. They set their mouths against the heavens, and their tongue struts through the earth. Verses 11 and 12: And they say, “How can God know? Is there knowledge in the Most High?” Behold, these are the wicked; always at ease, they increase in riches. Verses 16 and 17: But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their end. Verses 18 and 19: Truly you set them in slippery places;you make them fall to ruin. How they are destroyed in a moment, swept away utterly by terrors!

The Journey of Recovering from Narcissist Abuse: Breaking the Bond Many of us start our journey from narc abuse thinking we have lost everything of value to us, thinking we have lost all of the relationships and blessings that this world provided us with. We feel comfortable in the routine and predictable world that we create for ourselves. That world gives us a sense of constancy and stability that allows us to be productive people in society and deal with the stress that the world throws at us. Yes, those thoughts of being home enjoying your morning coffee or enjoying that evening meal with your partner is the fuel that keeps you going each and every day. Those weekend getaways and vacations are the events we look forward to for weeks and months at a time. The close and intimate feelings of being bonded to our partner is both the glue that keeps us together and integrated as an individual and the lubricant that allows our integration with the world to go smoothly, reducing the friction in the abrasive environment of life. So we hold our personal existence dear since it is the very essence of our lives. That is the basic framework, the foundation of a life for the average person. None of us have ideal lives and as a human being progresses through life we learn to reduce our expectations of both the people that surround us and life in general. We learn to compromise our aspirations to coincide with and correspond to reality since we are all limited mentally, physically, and by time and financial constraints. We learn to realize that no relationship is going to cure all of our problems and that there is a cost involved in being in a relationship. But again, as mature adults that have unfortunately had more than one relationship we learn to also reduce our expectations of what any relationship or partner will provide. We learn to put up with the idiosyncrasies of our partner and try to make it work, knowing that no one is perfect. We make the best of our life situations and always strive to improve our lot in life, both as an individual and as a couple, having the goal of an idealized life together of peace and tranquility. Lucky people meet the correct partner and both individuals share the goal of creating a life that is productive and meets the needs of both individuals in the relationship. This requires both partners to compromise and unify their visions of what their future will be, what the goal of their lives will be. Truly productive people realize that it is absolutely essential to eliminate unnecessary drama from their lives. There are plenty of real problems in the world without creating your own. So we then break down life into the mental, the emotional, and the spiritual. We will leave out the physical. Mental clarity requires dealing with our perceived environment as accurately and precisely as possible. Yes, we analyze the people in our environment and the situations we encounter and try to make sense of them. We develop discernment over time and try to sort out what is true from what is false in our life experience, knowing that without truth there can be no accurate assessment of anything. So truth matters and is always our goal with regard to our mental perception of the world. Logic and reason are the tools we develop over time that allow us to make sound decisions based on our perceived truth and reality. That perceived truth is our judgment based on our own distinctive and unique opinion gained by analyzing our experiences over the course of our lives. Yes we can always be wrong in our assessment of the truth and we therefore always proceed cautiously and with humility, being willing to change our opinions of what is and is not true. Emotions are the part of our life that makes it worth living and when it comes to emotions we aren't usually as concerned with accuracy or reason or logic. So in our mind's eye we plan an idealized life that is heavily fueled by emotions, how we feel, and we tend to avoid thinking of the details which would get in the way of that romanticized vision in our head. But over time we learn to be practical and take into account reality. Yes mature adults have reasonable expectations of life and over time learn to be more practical, but those emotions often take over and this is where the practical and realistic life we have planned for ourselves often gets sidetracked. This is what occurs in every single addiction. The person goes from being sane and balanced and in control to having no control whatsoever over time. Yes we know that person isn't good for us or that habit isn't good for us. We know that we could spend our time and financial resources more productively, but our emotions lead us in an entirely different direction. So we need to govern those emotions both mentally and for the believer, spiritually. The Bible clearly describes what a person who battles these destructive emotions is up against. First John 2 15 tells us to not love the world or anything in it, meaning that we shouldn't indulge our desires. Our love and devotion to God should temper our desires for the things of this world. First John 2 16 clearly defines these destructive desires as the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life. Yes, there is a battle between the flesh and the spirit, what we want to do and what we should do. If we indulge the flesh, our desires, the flesh gets stronger. If we follow the Spirit in our lives that gets stronger and allows us to resist the flesh. If we do what is right in our lives, what we know is right, things go much more smoothly. But the average person, myself included, far too often follows instinct and allows the flesh to lead them. So the impression might be given that emotions are evil, but they aren't at all. It is only when those emotions are usurped by the flesh or are attached to a dysfunctional situation that emotions cause all of the problems. A life lived using reason and logic, that totally ignored the emotional aspects of existence, would be dry and not worth living for most of us. So emotions are very important and serve a very important function in our lives, especially with regard to our personal lives and relationships. Therefore, we cultivate those relationships, try to commit to them and create as stable and emotionally satisfying an environment as possible. The above describes the life of the average functional person, someone who seeks to have as much stability in their lives as possible. Someone who seeks a balanced existence as free from turmoil and chaos as possible. Yes all people have different mental and physical abilities and all people have diverse levels of resources with regard to time and money and part of becoming a mature adult is coming to grips with and accepting those limitations. The reverse side of that coin is that many people are too focused on what they do not have and sadly never use the resources and abilities they have been blessed with to anywhere near their potential. Yes human beings are flawed, imperfect and the world is flawed and imperfect as well. Yes what we rely on as truth and what we believe is true may end up not being true at all upon further analysis. That is the wisdom we all learn as we go through the journey of our existence. But the key is that a person must be an honest player in their life and have a sincere interest in doing the best they can do. Every functional person has the best of intentions, no matter how bad things sometimes turn out. Yes, every functional person falls short, analyzes their situation, lets the uncomfortable emotions of guilt, a conscience, and remorse guide them in an effort to do better next time. Yes over time we either heed those emotions and become better, more functional people or we ignore them and stagnate or even degenerate over time. So we encounter a covert pathological narcissist and out of the blue this person seems to be the perfect solution to the problems of our life. That narc seems to be a dream come true. We use logic and reason and have some doubts, but for some reason our emotions are telling us that this is the right thing for us. How could anyone behave the way the covert narc does and not be serious. How could anyone make those commitments and make those future plans and not be serious. How could anyone profess their love and not be serious. How can someone so focused on the importance of loyalty and commitment not hold those virtues in high esteem in themselves? Yes we start ignoring the logic and reason that tell us that person is really disloyal and not at all committed, after all why would they lie? So mentally, we drop our guard because those emotions are so positive, seem to be telling you it is all real. It doesn't help that the narc is telling you they are yours forever and to relax whenever you voice any concerns. So we commit ourselves to these demonic covert narcissists and slowly, imperceptibly we fall prey to their increasingly bizarre behavior and the emotional drama that ramps up over the years and decades and we somehow chalk this up to the fact that no person or relationship is perfect. After all that partner of yours is committed to you and loves you and so you put up with them “not being nice”, otherwise known as mental and emotional abuse. Sadly some poor souls end up dealing with physical abuse as well and the warped world that narc creates somehow justifies that abuse, even in the victim's mind. But that is behind closed doors. So what is it exactly that binds us to these creeps? Well for the most part it is the emotional bond that we have formed with that person. Yes, a normal person was designed to commit to and bond with another human for a lifetime. Part of the package is that we associate all of our positive emotions with that partner. The love we feel is exclusively associated with that narc. The future planned and all of our hopes and aspirations have that narc at the center of them. Yes the average functional person has made that commitment and oftentimes a lifetime commitment to the narc and the narc alone. But that person has made a grievous error. The inconceivable duplicity, disingenuousness, depraved indifference, total emotional detachment of the covert narcissist is beyond the comprehension of the average partner to one of these ghouls. So the game goes on for that narc and they milk that partner dry for months, years, decades. The narcopath starts a family with that unwitting target and that target would have to be emotionally disturbed and paranoid to suspect that their narcopath partner wasn't at least partly in love with them and sincere about the relationship. After all the paucity of mainstream literature makes covert narcissism a condition most people aren't even aware exists. So how could the target even conceive of someone being as profoundly mentally diseased and dysfunctional as a covert narcissist? We look at all of those idealized descriptions of the average functional, although flawed, person and throw them all away when it comes to describing the covert narcissist. Yes the average person holds the truth in high esteem even though they fall short of it in their daily lives. The narc hates the truth and worships the lie, is actually wedded to the lie, the only thing they have ever truly committed to. The average person uses logic and reason to try and analyze their lives. The covert narc's stock in trade is to warp reality and neutralize any effective use of logic and reason. The average person uses emotions to bond to their partner and the relationship. The covert narc has none of those positive emotions, so they use the positive emotions of their partner to manipulate. The average person to one extent or another listens to and takes heed of the uncomfortable feelings of a nagging conscience, feelings of guilt, feelings of remorse and lets those uncomfortable and sometimes painful emotions teach them the lessons of life. The covert narc does just the opposite, they refuse to even acknowledge those emotions. Yes the narc sees themselves above the petty weaknesses of a person who would actually heed their conscience or feel remorse. In the process the deluded narc damns themselves to a personal fantasy existence that bears less and less resemblance to reality as their life progresses. Burying past sins and ignoring them takes effort and energy but more importantly, prevents the narc from ever maturing. So how does the above discussion help a target in their journey of recovery? Well we are specifically talking to the person who has been discarded or come to the sad conclusion that a relationship with a covert narcissist is no longer possible. We are talking to the functional person who has for whatever reason ended their relationship with the narcissist and is having a very hard time. Remember that narc has really lost nothing. That narc never invested any positive emotions, never gave any genuine love, loyalty, or commitment to their partner. Oh yes the narc may be displeased with the target's departure, but in those cases it is simply a matter of pride, having been the one discarded, or ego, having lost a possession that made the world see that narc as successful. Yes it is true, sometimes that narc simply views the target as a possession that no one else but they are entitled to. Many times the narc is outraged by the target's departure mainly because they have not yet found a suitable replacement. Yes my covert narc partner could have had a clean break but her problem was that she had not found a replacement for me yet and the thought of being the one discarded was too much for her to bear. So the relationship commenced and only later did I realize that this was all about her setting me up for the most painful discard she could possibly conjure up. But even that didn't go as planned for her. Nevertheless she did find a partner, even if not a perfect one to triangulate and make sure I was totally destroyed in every way imaginable. So make no mistake, there are never any positive emotional bonds that are playing a role in that covert narc's displeasure. The narc will feign all of those positive emotions if necessary to manipulate the partner back and the unwitting partner who knows nothing about covert narcissism will oftentimes be reeled back in. The assumption on the target's part that the narc is bonded to them and must have all of the same positive emotions they do is a huge miscalculation. That miscalculation is sound logic and reason that has been neutralized by being based on the false information, the lies furnished by the narcissist. So the covert narc uses those false conclusions of the target to manipulate them at will. The narc does this by emulating positive emotions of the target and convincing them that they feel the same way. But there is no substance behind the assertions and drama that narc displays. So this is where the healing part comes in. The journey for the target is one of realizing and convincing themselves that the narc never loved, never cared, never committed to them, was never loyal. That can take months and years, but if your partner was a genuine pathological covert narcissist you will eventually detoxify and replace all of the lies and deceptions of that covert narcissist with the actual truth of the situation. The logic and reason, being now based on truth, can actually serve their proper function and allow you to heal and see things clearly for what they are. Logic and reason can allow that target to analyze themselves and see where and how they were vulnerable. But the path on that journey of recovery continues and a very important truth reveals itself as time passes. The truth that all of those positive emotions, all of the love, feelings of nostalgia, all of those plans for the future that gave so much comfort and meaning to life are still there in the target. Even though that target bonded to the narc and associated all of those positive feelings and emotions to that person, it now becomes clear there was never any reciprocation by the narc at all. The target was functional, was genuine, but the narc was simply playing a game. So the target eventually realizes that those positive feelings, the love they felt, the commitment they made, the loyalty haven't been lost at all. They still exist. It is only that functional bonding to a miscreant, a dysfunctional creep that sees life as a game that was the problem. So the victim has everything needed to get back everything they thought they lost, but never really did. Since everything that target thought they had was simply an illusion created by a demonically inspired individual who decided to base their life on lies and deception and turn their backs on any guilt or remorse. Someone who never even considered heeding a conscience. So the target has everything they need all it takes to achieve genuine happiness and joy. The target has all it takes to have a fulfilling, healthy functional life and relationship. The victim has grown and learned. No the victim didn't move on and ignore the problem that narc created, but rather embraced the pain, worked through it, learned, matured and grew. So the question to the healed target is simply this. You have been given the opportunity to have all of the toxicity removed from your life. You have the chance to have a fresh start. What will you do with that opportunity? The removal of that toxic covert pathological narcissist was a blessing. Yes it came at a great expense, but in retrospect it was the best thing that ever happened to you. When you truly comprehend the truth of that statement, you have made a major breakthrough in your journey of regeneration. But make no mistake, that conclusion doesn't come easily for most of us that simply can't conceive of any happiness or joy or any future at all without that fraud that pretended to have a genuine relationship with you. Yes you can start again and get everything back you lost, and more. With the right person if you so choose or even alone. In short, you can do without the narc. Regardless of your opinion you can do much better than that narc and more importantly, you deserve better than a low life covert narcissist. You deserve to be happy and have joy. You deserve to have kindness and love and commitment and loyalty reciprocated. You deserve a partner who actually wants to compromise and values the relationship as much as you do. You deserve to have all of the love, all of the commitment and all of those deep feelings of love and good wishes that you wasted on the narc come back to you with interest and in abundance. What about the narcissist? That is no longer our concern. Make no mistake though they will get their “rewards” from life as well. Not at our hands of course and it may well be that we never even know that narc's ultimate fate. It will be a sad ending and we can pray for them or not, but eventually they will be beyond prayer. We will do our best to keep our record clean and leave the evil of that narc exclusively on their account. Our harmlessness will pay huge dividends in the future. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.