The Covert Narcissist Never “Sleeps” Shorter Version The covert narc, just like rust never stops trying to take control of the narrative, never stops trying to erode the confidence of an ex partner that is wise to their ways. Yes, just like rust, the narc never sleeps. That narcissist eroded and rusted out whole sections of our life beyond repair. That damage had to be cut out, new patch panels fabricated and those panels had to be welded in place, primed and painted. We may think that we have patched, welded in, painted and primed every surface point, but without our knowledge there was a small spot that we neglected and immediately the rust took hold. We were lucky enough to spot that area and retreated it, but without our vigilance that area would have quickly become yet another area of erosion that could potentially rust the entire piece. The primary example of this is the long line of crafty commenters seeking to covertly create unnecessary ambiguity and wanting to place doubt into people who have just come out of the most extreme fantasy world any sane person could ever be drawn into. Yes these commenters are often focusing on the person creating the video commentary, attempting to undermine the progress made in exposing the wiles of covert narcopaths, but the message sent is also intended to spread misinformation to those who view the comment. No, a healing victim doesn't need ambiguity, they need clarity. A healing victim doesn't need to be told the abuse was their fault or that they were “equally” to blame in a narco pathic relationship. Then some of these people go one step further and attempt to gaslight whole groups of people by stating they are trying to be “helpful” to the victims. It was never about the victim not seeing their own fault and blame. That victim never had a problem with self introspection or soul searching. They did look deep inside themselves and try to become better people. But the empath was blind to their self-love deficiency and the discard from the narcopath forced them to understand what it was inside themselves that the narcopath capitalized on and took advantage of. Yes that empath turned victim had to face their co-dependency and did. Yes the victim understands very clearly that they made a huge mistake in trusting that narcopath. The victim is well aware of being self love deficient, co-dependent, naive, not vigilant, too trusting and too willing to believe. The victim is well aware that they shouldn't have accepted and allowed the abuse. Yes something inside the victim told them that that abuse was OK, in fact the victim actually subconsciously thought it was normal to be abused. Yes somehow that victim felt “comfortable” being put down and having all of their self worth and dreams and accomplishments denigrated and minimized. Yes, it may well be that previous narcopath's in that em paths childhood conditioned them to accept abuse. But the bigger picture , the main theme of that narcopathic relationship has been craft-fully omitted or minimized with those arguments intended to “help” victims. The big problem with that narco pathic relationship is the fact that the narcopath is a predator, seeking to find someone to victimize. The foundation of a relationship is all about being genuine and sincere and the em path was all of those things. The em path gave of themselves and loved and committed and was loyal. The em path, for the most part sought to be a positive influence in the narcopath's life. The narcopath has none of those things to their credit. No there is no equivalency whatsoever when it comes to assigning blame in that relationship. The greatest portion of the blame and responsibility for both the abuse and the dysfunction in that narcopathic relationship rests almost solely on the shoulders of that narcopath. The sincerity of intentions is the primary thing to focus on when two people enter a relationship and without a doubt the narcopath was insincere. The empath, no matter how faulty a human being, at least was serious about the relationship. That should close the case of where the vast majority of the blame needs to be placed. Yes that victim may have had many “close calls” in past relationships and saw the manipulation of a partner for what it was. The victim departed those relationships whole and intact. But the narcopath craftily subverted all of that em paths innate discernment, slowly but surely drawing that em path further and further into a bizarre fantasy world having less and less resemblance to the real and actual world. A fantasy that incorporated that victim's whole life, the entire scope of the relationship, their own self image, and the entire vision that victim had of their future. Yes it came as a shock to the victim when it was revealed that most of their life was a fabricated farce. That was difficult to process for the victim. But the information was slowly absorbed and with time that victim began to see things clearly and live in the real world again. However, there are always those who insist on casting doubt into that victim's mind. Well, dispelling doubt and seeing that narcopath as a perpetrator with impure intentions is part of the healing process for the victim and confusing that issue does nothing at all to aid in the healing process. So what are some of the things these people do to create the doubt? Well, it almost always boils down to building up the narco paths grandeur and devaluing and minimizing the true victim. Yes, in a sense it is a way of getting whole groups of people who have finally understood that they were victims and calling into question all of the progress they have made. Yes every human being can look inside themselves and identify many areas where there is room for improvement, but the covert narcissist abuse victim should be very clear about the fact that the narcopath was a predator with malevolent intentions. No, the victim didn't jump to that conclusion easily, there was no effort on the victim's end to avoid personal responsibility or shift blame. The narcopath themselves proved their own evil narcissism 100 times over simply by their actions and words. But those persisting attempts to demoralize a past victim are usually confined to and focused on those who decide to publicly, and anonymously, expose narcopaths. Yes, many victims make videos with no anonymity. Fine. But when we get into the gritty details and delve deeply into the warped brain and actions of the narcopath it is best to remain anonymous. Innocent people could be harmed when personal accounts are given in detail. For the vast majority of victims, there is a different, more insidious way in which an individual covert narcopath continues to use and abuse their ex partners long after they have discarded that victim. Yes that long list of people the narcopath destroyed are an integral part of their personality and have all been incorporated into a present day narrative. Those past associations provide a wealth of material to be used when the narc crafts their next fake and phony persona. One in which in every single instance the narcopath was themselves the victim and the overcomer. One in which those past victims have everything about themselves warped and transformed so that in the end the description of that person and the narrative of their actions and words bears no resemblance to the actual person and events it is based upon. Many of those past partners are depicted as unreasonable fools, people with mental illness, people who are irrational and manipulative, people who are lazy, irresponsible, lie, cheat, steal, abuse drugs or alcohol, etc. Others of those ex partners will be turned into outright demons. Yes the narcopath is well versed in evil and treachery so they are experts at projecting onto past victims what they as narcopaths are themselves. Yes the narcopath needs to go no further than themselves for a motherload of material to use in falsely casting that ex partner as the wrongdoer. Many a victim would be taken aback by what they are being portrayed as when the narc is in the presence of various people. Those stories are custom tailored to the audience, but they all share a common thread: They are very loosely based on the facts that the current audience is aware of. The narrative itself, including the narcopath's role in that association is almost pure fabrication. A healed victim would simply be amused at hearing the fiction a warped mind dedicated to treachery and deception and specializing in smearing ex partners can create out of thin air. Of course it isn't really thin air, since the narc uses their own malevolence and irrational behavior and incorporates it into that smear campaign by assigning those traits to the ex partner. The sad thing is that the narcopath was doing this projection all along once that partner was placed in the devaluation phase and that narcopath was simultaneously searching for fresh supply. Our notion of the narcopath as having a fake mask is spot on, but we wrongly assumed that the fake personas were sequential. Yes we assumed that each fake persona would be the entirety of the narcopath's existence wherever they went until a next fake persona was chosen. But that was never the case. The reality was that the narcopath had many different fake personas all at the same time, custom tailored to each setting. So they would be one person with their partner and a totally different person at work or at a community group, not to mention the phony identity they were projecting on social sites. Yes that narcopath was already casting their partner as an abuser long before the actual discard. The convenient thing with these multiple fake personas is that they do allow a narcopath to remain in a relationship for decades. The narc remains the dutiful and devoted spouse as long as they can convince their partner of it and has multiple affairs on the side where they can indulge in alter egos. Yes the narcopath can tire of one of these adulterous alter egos and then simply switch to another when the next affair is started. Greedy narcs sometimes overstep themselves and keep three or even more relationships going all at once. But the point is each of these partners will require a different and customized false mask. Yes we are describing insanity here. That must be clear to everyone by now. Eventually life goes on for the victim and the effects of the narco pathic abuse gradually fade. But because the lingering effects of that past abuse still influence huge portions of the victim's existence, the link to the narcopath is almost impossible to erase fully until the damage itself has been repaired. But the narcopath, who was for the most part never effected by their own abusive and phony behavior saves each and every one of those relationships and freely uses those past victims over and over again when necessary. Those past victims are used to weave the false narrative of the narcopath never having been understood and having been in one abusive relationship after another. Prime material to use as bait in the procurement of the next exciting adventure with the next unwary target. But the narcopath is displeased to no end when they are prevented from fully owning the narrative in the event that a victim has the audacity to set the record straight. The narc thinks it their right and privilege to own all of the versions of what occurred in that relationship. Yes, the covert narcissist has a copyright on pain and anyone telling their version of those occurrences is infringing on the narc's copyright. Yes, the narcopath has sovereignty over all of it, the narrative of the past relationship and they even think themselves the continued owners of that discarded victim, even if they never have any intentions of contacting or seeing that person again. So the narc never sleeps, never stops scheming, never stops manipulating, never stops weaving their tales of deception that involve real actual people but other than that are total fiction. Without a doubt, the narc gives up on people, on commitments, on relationships, on jobs, even on parents and siblings, but the narcissist never gives up on their treachery and deceit. The narc never gives up on destroying anyone they have decided is unworthy of their presence. The narc discards but never gives up ownership of these people. People they have gotten the better of, deceived, used, then thrown away. Yes those people, even if the narc has discarded them need to behave in a manner that is acceptable to the narcissist, never have a mind of their own, and more importantly never should they dare expose the methods of covert narcissists. Well that is just too bad for those narcopaths. They aren't God and they don't own the world. No the narc isn't sovereign. So when one of these “vanquished” individuals rises from the ashes and begins exposing the ways of their evil, their methods of operation, the narcopath becomes very annoyed. They will try every way possible to silence, to defeat, to discourage, to intimidate. They will try anything that they can possibly conjure up from that bag of tricks of theirs. The narc will try to do this individually and if they can manage it, they will also create and enlist flying monkeys to aid them in their quest of destruction. As an individual, the narc will try threats and intimidation. The narc will throw every wild accusation that is even remotely feasible at that target that was once their ex partner. When that fails, they will try a different approach and contact the ex partner in mild humility, making subtle suggestions that maybe the person should stop making videos. Yes, I am speaking from personal experience and I will go into further detail of my own actual observations. In the immediate aftermath of the discard the narcopath found a useful idiot in her new partner, a flying monkey ready to try and strong arm and vanquish the ex partner. But the problem was the narcissist as well as their pet weasel, vastly underestimated what would happen when they pushed someone to their limit. Yes the all knowing narc never encountered a super empath before and that new narcopathic weasel partner of hers had only the faulty information that the narcopath fed him to go by. Yes I am speaking from personal experience and I will not speculate on the crazy scenario that the covert narcopath made up about me. I am sure there were numerous different stories, depending on who her audience was, but I am particularly interested in how she portrayed me to those new partners of hers. Yes, no doubt that first useful idiot was discarded once he was no longer useful. But others have come since then. Yes there is no doubt that there is yet another new man in that narco paths life who has been fed a version of past abuse by numerous partners including myself custom tailored to his particular idiosyncrasies. Possibly that man is gentler, more sophisticated, and more refined than the weasel, or maybe he is another thug this crazy creep seemed to be so fond of towards the end. No matter. They are still fools for believing a word that comes out of the narco paths mouth. Yes I will freely admit I was a fool to even believe one word that flowed from that creep's lips. But onto the underminers and destroyers that want to be helpful to the video presenter and his audience. No doubt some of these people are under the influence of a narcopath and have been engaging in subtle subterfuge in an effort to confuse and cloud the clear narrative presented of narco pathic abuse. Yes even a reasonable person could be convinced into becoming a flying monkey and help to battle the people making videos exposing narcopaths for the evil perpetrators that they are. After all narco paths can't help themselves and need our empathy. Yes the narcopath owns a copyright on pain, no one else has a right to complain about their own suffering. No one else has the right to expect someone to see their side of things. That narrative is also copyrighted by the narcopath and because of that the narcissist is free to change all of the details and insist their version and their version alone is the genuine article. The narc has the right to change the details of that reality at any time, because they own the copyright and they are sovereign. So the narcissist continually alters the narrative. After all that covert narcissist has plenty of time to craft whatever narrative that suits them. The story has to be convincing and more importantly any new partner that would inevitably be made into a dupe would have to be fully convinced of the narco paths veracity. Yes that is the narco paths biggest addiction, one that they indulge in possibly dozens of times every single day: the need to make others believe a lie. A lie is of no value if you can't make another person believe it and therefore the narc has specialized in doing exactly that. In fact a crowning achievement would be to have a new partner watch the videos on a channel made by an ex partner and be fully convinced that all of the accounts described were either fabricated by that partner or warped to fit the narrative of the video. In other words believe a lie. Yes this is now all theoretical, but make no mistake this very thing has almost definitely occurred, especially when the person making videos is out there in the public. Most of the time that narcopath will simply never admit to having known that video presenter. But occasionally the association can't be masked. Other times the narcopath will purposefully enlist someone in an effort to help undermine the anonymous presenter of videos. Yes, the videos need to be debunked and the presenter brought down in any way possible. Either way the narcopath enlists a third party to become a “protector”. That new protector is convinced of that narco paths authenticity. That dupe hasn't a clue, even when given all of the information needed on a silver platter, Karpman triangle references and all. OK. Yes a person can be forgiven when under the spell of a narcopath while being totally unaware of the existence of covert narcissism. But to have everything laid out right in front of you and still be oblivious? Well that means someone has a big problem and is under a serious delusion. Fortunately that isn't the problem of an aware victim. Most people, especially narc abuse victims don't enjoy observing dysfunctional train wrecks otherwise known as modern and evolved open relationships. They simply want to be left alone and “protectors” doing the narco paths bidding can take a hike. They will be identified, isolated, and eliminated. They will be erased. Just as the narcopath was erased. So what is the point of mentioning all of this? Well part of the fabricated narrative the new dupe is sometimes fed involves an ex partner that supposedly had nothing going on in their lives other than the narcopath. Yes the ex made that narcopath their whole life. They were totally dependent on the narcopath and couldn't handle their departure, so that when the narcopath left the ex partner lost everything. Yes, according to that narrative that ex partner was nothing without the presence of that narcopath in their lives. So the ex can't move on. Yes that ex partner of the narc is an empty shell that was nothing before the narc arrived into their lives and is once again nothing now that the narcopath has departed. There is no doubt that is only one of the themes of that carefully crafted fake narrative presented to the dupe. But the main thing is that narrative totally legitimizes the narcopath even in the face of all of the videos made by her ex. Yes what a clever stroke of that narco paths imagination. The narc can have their Karpman triangle right in the face of a Karpman triangle video. But this triangle is artistic, subtler, more covert, more refined. But in it's own way this more covert way of dealing with things is also much more sinister. Yes the dupe is all in, and they and the narc are both on the same page. Subtle subterfuge. Intellectual and philosophical warfare. But when you boil it all down it is still all of the same game playing. Immature and foolish deception and posturing with the appearance of reason and logic, presented with pseudo-scientific intellectualistic language. The same old garbage dressed up to look different. In my case, at least the narc's first weasel partner who was used to cruelly triangulate was unsophisticated enough to not be able to help himself. That weasel's self deluded sense of greatness and personal narcissism could be seen a mile away. But we aren't talking about that type of overt aggression designed to destroy. Yes this attack is more “covert”, but with all of the same malevolence, only having the surface appearance of humility. Yes this new strategy is to appear humble. Speak gently with deference. But then provide links to so called “helpful” videos designed to begin playing at a sentence that gives the real message intended. Clever. Covert. Wicked. The same goes with the so called “helpful” advice to victims of covert narcissist abuse that ends up creating confusion and making the victim once again question themselves and think themselves the ones that bear much if not all of the responsibility for the narcopath abusing and eventually leaving. Yes that so called “help”, when analyzed gives these creeps away and shows them to be the phonies that they are. Sadly you can never have a clear and open conversation, a fruitful exchange of ideas that both parties can learn and benefit from with a narcopath. It's all about winning at a game of deception for the narcopath, and that is the other “tell” that separates a well meaning person with incorrect information seeking a conversation from a disruptor with the intent of destroying, of demoralizing, of confusing, of silencing. So the new narrative used against a covert narcissist abuse victim is that they made the narcopath “their whole lives” and that is why they couldn't get over it when the narcopath departed. Well that could make sense, if it were true. That could make sense, but the problem is that covert narcissism actually exists and that victim can't get over the situation because of severe psychological and emotional abuse. Covert narcissism is real, not a myth. Yes there are actually people in the world dedicated to lying and deceit. People who don't have a conscience or remorse. People who discard and weave false narratives of abuse simply to suit their own needs and desires. Yes people who create accounts of abuse and terrible intolerable behavior that is fabricated out of thin air. No abuse whatsoever actually occurred. On the contrary, the discarded partner, the so called abuser was supportive, kind, complimentary, compassionate, and appreciative. The so called abuser was the one who was actually being terribly abused and lied to on a daily basis. The so called abuser was being ground down and sucked dry of every ounce of their lifeforce. But the narcopath twisted everything and projected all of the abuse originating from themselves onto the ex partner, the actual victim of abuse. But what about that accusation of making the narcopath not the center of their lives, but “their whole life”? Well once again a small amount of actual fact is mixed in with a huge deception, cobbled together, then presented as the truth. Make no mistake, the covert narcissist's goal was to enslave their target and make that target totally dependent on them. Yes that narcopath wanted the em path or self love deficient person or codependent to make them not just the center of their lives, but “their whole life”. However if that target ever actually did make that narcopath “their whole life”, it was not because of any deficiencies in themselves, it was because the narcopath never gave up until finally they got it all their way and made themselves that target's whole life. The very point of all of the narcissist's lies, the gaslighting, the future faking was to fully and totally manipulate and control another human being. Yes if the narc had their way they would have precisely what was described: a person who made them their whole life. No, not just the center of their lives, but their whole life. It should be stated clearly again: If such a poor soul exists they were purposefully made that way by the narcopath, not because of their own deficiencies and dysfunctional need to focus their whole life on someone else. But how easy it is to twist everything and once again blame the victim. The irony and the wickedness of it all is that once the narc has created this so called mind numbed robot they actually use the result of all of their abuse as the reason for them to discard that self same victim. Yes that is the definition of evil, of incredibly depraved indifference, wickedness and cruelty. This is possible for the covert narcissist because they don't see anyone else as an actual human being, the narcopath's victims are dehumanized and are simply seen as appliances for the narcopath to use. But the narcopath is never done. They now enlist others and tell them of that target's “issues”. Yes that target is still dwelling on covert narcissism and continues to recount the details of abuse in that relationship in videos they are making. But of course the narcopath being under the impression that they have ownership of a previous target couldn't possibly allow that person to have sovereignty over their own lives, so the narc enlists their new soul mate, or new best friend or any other person they can convince into being a flying monkey, in to handle a lingering “problem” they have. Yes the new dupe will now be helpful and try to point out to the target that they have a huge problem. Yes the victim of a covert narcissist is now told all of their problems that arose from the relationship with a covert narcissist are their fault and their fault alone. Never is there any allusion whatsoever to the narcopath having any problems at all. No, those lies, the deception, the gaslighting, the cycle of flattery, mirroring idealization, followed by the honeymoon period and the devaluation and sudden discard are a mere coincidence. Maybe those events never even occurred, are even outright lies. The target is severely deluded. Covert narcissism is a myth, or at least their interpretation of their ex as having been a covert narcissist is faulty. Yes that ex partner, the actual victim is the one with all of the problems. The victim is the one lying, making up stories, and fabricating the scenarios of that relationship out of thin air. Isn't that cute. The foolishness of these clowns is unimaginable. Yes the accounts of someone who lived something, actually witnessed it all, and was the actual victim of those events doesn't know what he is talking about, but a third party who was never even present is going by the “accurate” accounts of a covert narcissist, a proven liar one hundred times over, and presenting themselves as an authority on those events. You have to give it to those covert narcissists. This is an absolute master stroke. Their crowning achievement. The narc achieves the near impossible: they create a dupe, a clown that fully believes all of their lies and never questions. Even when given all of the information about how covert narcissists lie and deceive and manipulate their targets. Even when numerous details of what is actually going on inside the warped head of that narcopath are presented to them clearly. Even after having most of the details of the abuse that the individual narcopath perpetrated clearly described right in front of their eyes. Well maybe some narcopaths do finally find their lap dog. Good for them. But that is of no concern or interest to the victims. What is of concern is when these fools spew garbage and misinformation and use the age old technique of projection, actually putting all of the blame and abuse squarely on the shoulders of the genuine victim. Yes the narcopath is the sane one and needs to change nothing. They were the victim. Yes the person victimized by the narcopath is presented as the one who needs to work on themselves and change. Well here is the narco paths problem: Their lies and manipulations are now clearly visible. Those victims are now living in the world of reality where black is black, white is white, up is up, and down is down. No more floating in outer space or drifting in a fog. Reality bites but only those who refuse to acknowledge it. So here is the reality: Most victims did love that narcopath and make that person their highest priority and even the center of their lives. That is a function of love. But to say that narc was the target's whole life is a vast over reach. Most of those targets did have many interests in art, in nature, in science, things that attracted the narcopath in the first place. But just because a partner becomes the focus of our attention, our highest priority as is appropriate when a person genuinely loves another human being does not at all add up to that partner being someone's whole life”. So when an anon wants to give “helpful” advice about not making someone “your whole life” it is immediately seen for the nonsense that it is. At least for me. But even for those who were conned and manipulated into making a narcopath their whole lives, how dare someone even suggest that those people are to blame for that. That qualifies as kicking someone, even psychologically abusing someone when they are already down. Yes, that anon referred to with all of the “helpful” comments is real. All of the events recounted in my relationship with the narcopath are true to the best of my recollection. All of the interactions with that narco paths first new partner, the weasel that was her partner right after the discard are real. No they aren't fabrications, they are raw facts of the harsh and cruel reality that every covert narcissist abuse victim has to deal with long after that creep is done with them. So it becomes clear that the narcopath did everything in their power to break down the victim and eliminate all of their interests, leaving themselves as the only thing remaining in the victim's life. But that was by the covert narcissist's design. When the narc's strategy doesn't work and they see that the victim doesn't give everything up, that is called disloyalty or inattentiveness displayed by the victim. When the target refuses to be manipulated, that is called showing a lack of love by the narcopath, or being difficult. Ironically, the narc will often accuse someone of being manipulative when that person refuses to be manipulated. So in the end the narc moves on and gives up when they realize that person will never become a slave. The excuse being that the person was never serious about the relationship, never really loved the narcopath and had never been loyal. Sadly, those who do give in to the narcopath eventually suffer the very same fate. Only in that case the narc makes the argument that the person had no life and made them their whole lives. No, you will never be able to win with a narcissist. They will always have an excuse for what we all now know is obvious: the narc does what they want to do due to pure selfishness, regardless of the cost to others. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. Ending commentary: The power of relying on God's advice as given in the Bible can not be overstated. We rarely understand that advice at the time, but if we follow it we see the benefits and wisdom of that advice eventually. God doesn't need to be told what the narcopath did to you. He is well aware of the situation. God doesn't need your advice on what should happen to the narcopath, what their punishment should be. God doesn't need your help in punishing that narcopath. God told you what to do: stay out of His way, He would take care of the situation. Any attempt at “informing” God of what we think He isn't aware of , any attempt at “helping” God means that we think we know better than God, means that we believe our solution to the problem is superior to that of God's. Yes that narc may not suffer or pay for what they did to us and we won't be able to understand why that was allowed. Yes God does allow the wicked to prosper and the Bible makes it very clear that God is aware of the frustration that causes those victims. He understands the pain, the rage and your longing to see justice. But God is in control. He has this.