The Covert Narcissist and Their Victories The covert narcissist “gets away with it”, “succeeds in realizing their goals”, even achieves prosperity and economic stability through their acts of treachery. The covert narc and their “wins” give many, thankfully not all, of these creeps a very comfortable life and that comfortable life is oftentimes lived for years and decades. Yes, we are fully aware that the covert narc is a miserable human being who will never and can never be satisfied, no matter how much of the riches and pleasures of this world become accessible to them. But that is a different subject with different questions needing to be asked; the point to be made here is that covert narcs are oftentimes rewarded very handsomely for their evil acts and, at least for the narc, this confirms that their attitude towards the world and how to go about dealing with others is the correct one. So what exactly is defined as a victory for a covert narc? A narc investment advisor swindling an old lady out of tens of thousands of dollars? A Ponzi schemer living high on the hog? A helpful “friend” to an elderly person who lives alone and then inherits a good chunk of their wealth? A “buddy” that is there to help but somehow over the years always ends up benefiting from the association with an unwitting target, with little actual outlay on their end? The answer is: All of the above. Let's be clear, there are genuinely good people who DO help the elderly, the poor, and the needy and hardly ever, if ever, benefit from the kindness and charity they show others and not every friend that is actually just a user ends up being a covert narcissist. Yes every now-and-then something good comes the way of that person who sacrificed their time and efforts, but those instances are very rare. So why is it that “just by coincidence” “some people” who “help” others DO see rewards and financial or other gain and see it quite often? The best answer we can give to that question is those “helpful” people know where to put their efforts in, and no other creep on earth refines that talent better than a covert narcissist. The covert narc sees a person in a vulnerable position, or just someone that they can deceive, makes an assessment of the situation, then determines if a certain amount of effort will pay them back with “interest”, or with “dividends”, or any other type of “profit”. Simply put, the benefit has to exceed the cost to the narc and the greater the profit margin the more effort the narc will put in. This applies to one extent or another to EVERY relationship, EVERY friendship, EVERY business and work association, EVERY charitable organization activity the narc ever engages in. Sometimes people get hurt, sometimes they don't, sometimes people are even helped. The noteworthy part to emphasize is that the negative results are never a concern for the narcopath, whereas the narc is more than happy to receive and in fact wants public recognition for the actual good that they do. However, it should be noted that one of the pleasures (not guilty pleasures, just pleasures) that the narc gets the most enjoyment from is seeing the pain and suffering they cause someone that they have cheated, cheated on, or defrauded. How many times has it been said that the covert narc is a person whose psychological disorder ends up hurting others more than the narc themselves? It's a given that any sane person might doubt the existence of covert narcissism thinking: How could anyone who does these things look at themselves in the mirror? Well, what exactly does that narcopath see in the mirror? Do they see a hideous beast? an evil creature?, a person who doesn't deserve to share space with decent human beings? Do they see a near omnipotent evil mastermind that no one can stop, not even a superhero? The answer to all of these questions is NO. The narc just simply sees themselves as clever, as “smarter than the average bear”, as someone that is “street wise” or otherwise wise to the ways of the world. The narc sees a “winner”in that mirror, with many victories and accomplishments to their credit. Yes there are covert narcissists who had tough upbringings and maybe for those narcopaths they are simply “paying forward” misery and suffering to those they deem to have had soft lives. But then there are the “golden child” covert narcissists who were lovingly and carefully crafted, carefully hand made by parents who could do nothing but praise that child no matter what there actions. Those golden child narcs simply think it their naturally born right to take advantage of and destroy anyone who they can successfully deceive. Regardless of what created the narcopath, the bottom line is that these creeps feel totally justified in all that they do and their only concern is being caught, publicly exposed, or publicly shamed and humiliated. Never is there any guilt or remorse. The only emotion is pure pleasure at having “gotten away with it” and the added pleasure of seeing the suffering they have caused. That is a “win”, a “victory”. Yes these covert narcissists are sick, the lowest of the low and totally convinced that THEIR WAY is the only correct way. The way of a “winner”. That narc is totally convinced that the target is “lesser” than them and deserved everything that came to them, if for no other reason than the narc's simplistic assessment of the target's naivety, or what the narc perceives as the target's foolish belief that “people are basically good”, or that “you can find good in all people”. Most targets are very much aware of the safety and wisdom of being cautious and not trusting too easily, and many of these targets decided long ago to take a middle road, meaning that they would rather risk being occasionally “burned” by trusting too readily than to become jaded and to live in a world where “you can't trust anyone” and to become someone who is continually concerned with another person's intentions and motivations. That, in the target's mind, is an inefficient use of mental, emotional, and physical resources. To give an example: if an organization asks for a donation and due diligennce makes that organization appear legitimate, the responsibility and culpability for the misuse of those funds rests solely on the shoulders of that organization. In effect that scandalous organization has stolen funds from other organizations that do put that money to the proper use. Life experience often shows that some individuals who don't trust others are the main people to suspect as being untrustworthy themselves, but let's be clear, this observation never applies to the vast majority of those who have difficulty trusting other people. Many if not most people who don't trust have simply experienced severe abuse by others and have placed a protective shell around themselves. Certainly any person sucessfully targeted and victimized by a covert narcissist falls into that category. Keeping that in mind, it is one of the target's responsibilities to themselves to eventually break their own protective shell into a million pieces and go on with their lives. Back to the covert narcissist: Yes that covert narc has nothing but disdain and contempt for every person they ever target and successfully defraud into a fake relationship, a fake investment, a fake resume, fake goodness, fake compassion, fake love, fake friendship, fake altruism, etcetera , etcetera, etcetera. Even when the narc destroys themselves in the process of destroying another human being that narc still just weighs the damage done to themselves against the damage done to the target and continues to count themselves as victorious if the other person suffered more. Yes many a low life narcopath will clearly not be a winner or a success by any outside observer's standards, since some narcs actually do receive a fitting punishment for their treachery. But don't tell that to the covert narcissist who is a bonafide loser. Those narcs may well have a keen awareness of negative consequences in their own lives such as being indigent, having poor health, or finding themselves otherwise stuck in a terrible life situation, yet even when the obvious stares them straight in the face that narc will continue to delude themselves and still look to past experiences which directly effect their present circumstances as a “win”. Well that is the narcopath, what about the target? To contrast the target and the narc we have to speak more about the covert narcs who do have measurable, genuine, undeniable success by the world's standards. We also ultimately need to give a clear definition of what is and what is not genuine success or victory and defend that definition. We have already touched upon how the covert narcissist sees victory, but that so called success is either false or when seen as genuine, the spoils of treachery and degeneracy. A victory that is the result of rapasciousness may be viewed as genuine, but does this victory have any real value in the grand scheme of things? In contrast, victory for the target has and must have a very different definition and should be something that has lasting value, regardless of the judgement of the world. Did the seemingly successful narc really win when they betrayed , deceived, and defrauded the target? Yes according to the narc and when there is little or no consequence to the narc and all sorts of repercussions to the target the narc's assessment seems correct. With most if not all observers being unaware of the narc's private dirty dealings, even the world might agree that certain narcopaths have undeniably lived, and are continuing to live a seemingly successful life. But is that really the case? No it isn't and one of the only people who will ever know the difference between a narc's pitiful existence that the outside world deems successful and real success and victory is a healed target. How so? Well when the full realization of what had been done to them finally became clear, the target got a first hand chance to see what it is like to live with chronic intense anger, resentment, and animosity. The target knows exactly what it means to live with continual negative thoughts of vengeance and make no mistake the treachery and shocking betrayal of a covert narcissist DOES indeed merit and warrant all of the dark emotions that are stirred up in a person who spent all of their lives making an earnest effort to be kind and peaceful and be a true asset to anyone that they came in contact with. Let's make it clear that any given target wasn't always successful in living up to their own standards. No average human being should ever be thought of as or think of themselves as an angel without fault. No one should be expected to be a person who never gets angry or resentful, but a person should make the best attempt possible to ensure that negative toxic feelings are eventually overcome and never allowed to chronically be a part of a daily thought process, let alone part of the target's personality and even psyche. Yes negativity isn't easy to overcome, and it does take time to move on from abuse, but that difficult journey has to be undertaken if the target is ever to fully get themselves back. Healing from the incredible betrayal of a covert narcissist is all about purging those negative emotions even though at the time immediately following the narc's treachery that anger and resentment is all the target can still hold on to and sadly all that may be left of a world that the covert narcissist totally destroyed. Yes the narc may have obliterated years and even decades of the target's life, but eventually most targets DO recover, some fully some partially; it all depends on how successfully that toxic negativity is eliminated from the target's daily emotions and thought process. Yes some targets never recover, but with the right information, or meeting the right person no target is without hope. It's simply a matter of the target getting serious about learning and informing themselves. One of the most important skills to learn is the ability to spot people with genuine positivity and a genuine ability to feel love. People who have genuine compassion and genuine empathy need to be held in the highest of esteem by a target who has sadly witnessed and experienced “the other side of humanity”. Another important thing for the target to learn is that a complete, total, and fully satisfying relationship is possible without any drama, deception, bitterness and anger. A partner, no matter how the relationship starts, that eventually degenerates into a person who can't be satisfied and is always complaining is unlikely to ever be “fixed” by any other person's love, kindness, and patience. Yes love can change some people, but when a person shows disrespect and starts destroying their partner's self confidence and self image to a point of disabling that person's ability to live life, nothing good can ever come of that union. So that target has to be willing to get out when one red flag after another shows up in a relationship. If a partner isn't happy with your best efforts, let them go. Here is where many a target has insider information. They have heard every complaint under the sun about their narc partner's previous relationship or relationships so the healed target knows ahead of time how they are being portrayed to the narc's new “soul mate”. How is the narc talking about the target? Well part of the narrative is that the narc is being mentally and possibly physically abused, ignored, disrespected, cheated on, and lives with a tyrant who creates a hostile environment. These are all lies or half truths at best, since the real abuser is the narc themselves. But here is where those accusations become even more interesting: Try becoming familiar with the concept of projection. It is amazing how the narc uses every treacherous act they are guilty of and projects those actions and intentions onto the target. Want to know what the narc did that you weren't aware of? That narc tells you to your face. Just listen to all of their accusations and see those smears for what they are: the narc inadvertantly confessing all of their own sins. The narc's partner “was a fake”, “wasn't serious”, was never willing to commit fully, never respected them, was holding them back, etcetera. Well, OK. Then the real interesting revelations about the “disloyalty” and promiscuity and “serial infidelity”. In reality the narc was never serious, never committed, never respected their partner, never supported their partner, and was always looking for the next better option in a new partner. Yes that narcopath always eventually has a “plan B” and oftentimes part of plan B is a new partner. Lovely people these narcopaths. For the target knowledge is power, and understanding what actually happened in a relationship with a narcopath is the key. It should be stated again: NO target is without hope. The information containing the solutions to that target's problems is out there. A new relationship may or may not help the target, but the best way forward is to heal first, then find the right partner. So let's ask the correct person, a healed target, about how successful a covert narcissist is. Yes, some of these covert creeps end up trapped in a relationship or worse live in squalor and clearly Karma paid them a visit. But what about the seemingly fortunate narcs with wealth, a successful husband or a trophy wife? What about the narcs that people look up to? Well let's ask a person who has “been there, done that, and come out of the belly of the beast”: the target that HAS healed and purged those negative emotions and more importantly is intimately familiar with the reality of a narc's private world. The answer is NO. The covert narcissist is not at all a successful human being. In fact that narc has wasted their life, WASTED the very opportunity that the privilege of human existence gave them. Yes many a covert narc is active in the church and all sorts of other charities, isn't that a good thing? NO, before looking at all the “good” that narc did first look at the pain and suffering they caused. Since we are on the subject of “good works” let's first look at who suffered when the narc should have been focusing on their loved ones but instead decided to place their efforts into “saving the whales”. Those late night meetings or, in our modern time, social media interactions devoted to “good causes” somehow always gave the narc “fringe benefits”. That's not even mentioning outright disloyaylty and covert infidelity that was engaged in simply because there was a feasible excuse and an opportunity. But the real reason for the covert narcissist's full and TOTAL failure as a human being is all of that negativity they harbor. All of the anger, bitterness, resentment, jealousy, and disdain they have. That narc HAS to live with themselves and believe the healed target when they say this: NO amount of wealth, NO relationship on earth, NO public acclaim will ever make up for being a person who is a wretched, negative, sneering, disrespectful sack of filth who can't ever see another person be happy or see another person have any faith. That target knows exactly how much energy was wasted on negative emotions. That target knows exactly what it is like to have absolutely no peace, no comfort, no rest mentally and emotionally. That target who has gotten themselves back HAS eliminated the negativity, animosity, resentment, and need for vengeance and along the way one day realized they again had joy, peace, and contentment in their lives. In short the target was infected by the narc's mental, emotional, and psychological virus that if it could would have even infected the soul, and somehow that target found a way to recover. The topping on the cake is that the target can and often times does find a QUALITY person and realizes that a relationship can be everything it should be with minimal drama, minimal complaining, realistic expectations, and ACTUAL genuine love, genuine respect, and genuine support. A good relationship with the right person is worth it's weight in gold. A real relationship is uplifting and empowering and more than anything else RELIABLE. The narcopath comes across as a very humble, even self effacing person, but whether that narc knows it or not, they have an arrogance that stinks to high heaven. For all of the narc's outer appearance of humility and possibly even self assessment of being a humble person, that narc secretly feels very confident about the person that they are, especially when they have wealth or beauty. After all the narc is totally self aware when it comes to understanding what tools they have at their disposal to deceive and manipulate. Ironically, there are genuine and good people out there that outshine these narcopaths by every parameter, and are at the same time imbued with the very important quality of having true humility. Yes the healed target was burned badly and did learn valuable lessons but really only two major ones: 1: covert narcissism exists and there is a difference between fake love, fake humility, fake concern and the genuine article. 2: A person can learn to be more vigilant and cautious when dealing with other human beings without becoming cynical and jaded. So the healed target can return to being a person who prefers to trust and prefers to believe in people, even though they have learned discernment. If one wants to make a positive difference in the lives of the people that surround us, some degree of risk is necessary and that involves some level of believing in, trusting, and trying to understand other people. In a sense genuine investment into other people requires some degree of making oneself vulnerable. But that risk of vulnerability has to be reigned in and limited and that is one key area that the target had failings. Being empathetic is a wonderful quality,but there MUST be an awareness of the wolves in sheep's clothing that purposely seek out empaths with the sole purpose of taking advantage. So, that target will be well aware of, and on the lookout for those wolves that impersonate and look like and on the surface even act like sheep and when a creep is suspected and confirmed of being a covert narcissist, cut that person out of their lives. But the target will always hope for the best and give the benefit of the doubt, within reason. There is no room for negativity. Negativity is inefficient, a waste of time and resources, and a waste of very life itself. For the target maintaining a positive mental outlook is success. There is no such thing as a personal victory for the target, if it comes at someone else's expense. That target doesn't “win” at the expense of others, they simply try to make a positive difference in the other people's lives and that is a reward in and of itself. For the narc in most cases it is either win or lose, a zero sum gain. Somebody has to lose for somebody else to win. As stated previously and worth repeating, there are of course exceptions to the narc's win-lose rule and when the narc actually does help; that activity, such as charity work or being and asset to an employer is simply “the cost of doing business”, and is primarily all about the narc having that highly desireable positive public image. Well, life isn't a game and although the narc sees themselves as a master “player” and defines that as success, the plain and simple fact is that despite all of the narc's worldly wisdom, they don't have a clue about the things that are really important. Or about the real world, for that matter. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

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An Important Key to Healing from Covert Narcissist Abuse: Compartmentalization

The successfuly healed target has placed every interaction with that covert narcissist “behind a wall” and by doing so has effectively purged all effects of the narc's past abuse from their lives.

Behind that wall is the full unfiltered, unadulterated, painful reality of what the narc did and how they did it. The truth has not been watered down to make it more palatable or digestible. There is no denial, just the cold hard unbelievable reality of what the narc did. That toxic poisonous malevolence was real, but the target has in effect “forgotten” the details while at the same time having full access to all of those details of everything the narcopath did when it becomes necessary.

A healed target might look back on the past and not even quite remember why they called the covert narcissist an evil sack of filth, the lowest of the low, etcetera, and that’s a good thing because that means that the target no longer has any ill will or malice towards the covert narcissist. That is because those negative feelings and emotions have no value to the healed target. Somehow that target has intuitively understood that the covert narcissist isn't worth even expending an ounce of energy on and in addition intuitively understands the value of having peace and stability in their lives which means hostility and bitterness can't be a part of that target's daily existence. Joy comes when the target frees themselves of the burden of having any concern whatsoever of what happens to the narcopath, good or bad. It simply doesn't matter. 2 Esdras 6:9: “For Esau is the end of the world, and Jacob is the beginning of it that followeth.” KJV