Encounter with a Covert  Narcissist:  When  Nearly  a Decade of Silence   is Broken

To be clear the “encounter” referred to in this video is a comment made by the covert narcissist on a past video. That comment was made over a year after the video was published. This comment comprises the totality of any direct contact this narc made after over 8 years of total silence. I am not counting attacks made under pseudonyms or by “helpful” flying monkeys that ended up having personal vendettas against the author because they were publicly humiliated when their nonsense was called out.

It should be clearly stated that all of the videos ever made on this channel were made to advocate for the target. Yes in the early days there was always hope that the previous partner was not really a covert narc and could somehow be reached. The target took a genuine interest in that narc's mental, physical, and psychological wellbeing and despite all of the treachery and betrayal was deeply concerned regardless of the fact the fake relationship was over.  This was of course early in the process of having been discarded, when the target actually believed that the relationship was genuine on the narc's end and that the person the narc portrayed themselves as being was also genuine. But that's in the past.  A decade after the grievous end of that fake relationship for most targets it really doesn’t matter one way or another if that previous partner was or was not a covert narc.  Most targets have moved on if for no other reason that life demanded that the target deal with other issues.     

The saying   ‘Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.", often falsely attributed to Abraham Lincoln, closely mirrors Proverbs 17:28 in the Bible where it states: "Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise..." This in my opinion is just good instruction, good advice, wisdom that could be useful to every person who comprehends it’s simple meaning.  Yes that’s advice we could all learn from but many people, the author included, sometimes break the silence and unfortunately remove that doubt.  With this in mind, cautiously this presenter’s silence will be broken today.

So yes, the target has moved on and encapsulated every interaction with that narcopath into a nice sealed bubble which that target has free access to if they ever wanted to retrieve the gruesome details of that past relationship.  But in general, there’s never any reason to revisit that terrible past. Yes the narc is off the hook with regard to any repercussions at least as far as the target is concerned.  For reasons of mental health the target has in essence forgiven the covert narc.  Of course that covert narcissist will one day meet their Maker and all the pronouncements of “not going to a good place“ won’t make a bit of difference when they come face-to-face with the reality of having to defend their life.  But to be fair we all have to defend our lives one day and hopefully try our hardest every day to self assess and endeavor to do better in the future . So was that former partner a covert narcissist?  As stated previously, the target really doesn’t care.  It doesn’t matter anymore.  However, as the saying goes: if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it probably is a duck.  Anyway so what happens then when after over eight years of zero contact a narc tries to get through to the target?  Everyone is different but here is one take on how to respond to the narcopath. If it’s a social media post the best advice is to ignore it.   If the target happens to see that narc anywhere in public, it’s best to remove themselves from that environment, and hopefully the narc never even saw them.  In the rare instance where there might be a face-to-face contact it’s best to just pretend you don’t even recognize them and quickly move on to your destination.  The best way to deal with a covert narcissist if they ever cross your path again and you have to have some sort of interaction with them is to do what is called “gray rock” them, what the author calls, give them the smooth thick impenetrable glass wall treatment.  Don’t give that narc any “holds”,anything to latch onto and use on a metaphorical climbing wall.    Another way to put it is if somehow conversation is necessary, we drain all emotion from that interaction and say the minimum amount possible without appearing patronizing.  Then move on and pray we never see that narc again.  One takeaway from any encounter with a narcopath is the nice feeling we get afterwards realizing that life can be good without a covert narcissist in your environment. The sun is brighter the air cleaner the future more hopeful. These covert narcs emanate darkness and malevolence and it is still a point of amusement when the target thinks back on how blind they were too it all. Somehow that target foolishly believed that the dark narc was really good on the inside. That was wishful thinking and poor judgement that cost the target dearly.

What about narcs in our environment, people we have no choice but to deal with? It requires us to be the adult and take, within reason, most if not all of the manipulation, the machinations, the lashing out, the provocations,  and guilt mongering and simply remain neutral and unemotional.  Then “detox” later.  With the covert narcissist you always lose so it’s best to simply not play the game, the narc’s “GAME OF LIFE”.  

So what about that social media post that the narc tried hard to make sure a target saw?  Of course, there may or may not have been other attempts by that narc to get the target’s attention, even though quite honestly the target really couldn’t care less.   Let the children play in their social sandbox knowing full well that anyone, including the healed target, can sink to that level of immaturity if put into the right unfortunate circumstances.  But yes, assume a social post does get through.   Yes, you ignore it. You don’t respond. You pretend you never saw it and hope the narc crawls back into whatever hole or under whatever rock they came from.  However, for reasons of instruction, there is something to be learned about that former “partner”from that post on social media.  Yes we use the term “relationship” and “partner“ very loosely because clearly there was never any genuine relationship, and that person was never really a partner.  

So after nearly 10 years of no contact, what “product” will a covert narcissist produce in an attempt to communicate with the former target?  Are they contrite? Are they apologetic? Are they remorseful? Have they taken any responsibility whatsoever for having literally destroyed the lives of the target and their immediate family?  The answer: NO.   Instead the covert narcissist breaks the silence and removes all doubt about if they were ever a covert narcissist or not.  The sneering, self-righteous, smug,disrespectful derision, dripping with the narc’s arrogant self perceived notion that they have the authority to tell another person what to do proves one thing: yes that previous “partner” was a covert narcissist.  Yes, they broke the silence and removed all doubt.  It should be noted that in the process of destroying the target many a covert narc damaged themselves as well, and even other innocent parties.  This then brings us to another very important question: What has a decade of having the opportunity to reflect upon their sordid deeds done for the narcissist?  What has the narc learned? The Answer: NOT A DARN THING.  NO PROGRESS.  

Still the same disrespect, still the same self perceived cleverness, still the same self perceived superiority, still the belief that their ability to gain the confidence of the target makes them “the better person“ .  Still the same childlike pride at their own hip use of emojis.  OK.   There’s nothing sadder than an aging woman or man that tries to appropriate the lingo, culture, music, and attitudes of a younger generation in order to delude themselves into believing that they’re socially relevant, especially with the younger crowd .  To the narc, social relevance and being “cutting edge” is highly desirable and a critical component of the falsely constructed  image they portray to the outside world.  Just another symptom of their own deeply seated self perceived grandiosity and importance.  But of course that arrogance is well hidden by a seemingly humble almost sheep like exterior in the specimens we refer to as a covert narcissists. The grand daddy or grand mommy of all narcs. Only a few notches below a psychopath. But bear in mind with the narc there's always room for improvement. In the form of being more cunning and more deceptive and more destructive.  Advertisements for the housewives programs of any major city or state give those who are uninitiated clear insight that many a narc heavily invests themselves into these programs, literally allowing those shows to become templates for what the narc perceives as modern sophisticated ways of behaving.  Great.  Cavemen had more class and sophistication and certainly had no choice but to have some degree of integrity which the narc totally lacks. .  It’s only speculation, but one can imagine that covert narcissists of all stripes would’ve been the foremost proponents of and participants in the “modern” hip attitudes that existed in ancient Sodom and Gomorrah.  

So the covert narcissist is like that old commercial against marijuana use which, paraphrased, is where two guys are in the basement watching television and as they see this ad for marijuana being destructive, they make the comment “We haven’t changed in the last 10 years”.  Of course that was the point.  

Yes, the covert narcissist believes they have “evolved”, believes that they themselves have “moved on” because they have had numerous relationships and recreated themselves multiple times since that last encounter with the target so many years ago.  Yes that covert narcissist isn’t the same person they  were 10 years ago.  They’re worse.  They’re older.  They’re a living breathing parody.    A parody not even of themselves, but a parody of a person they want the world to believe that they are.  Have they ever actually looked in the mirror and made an accurate assessment of what they’re seeing?  No.  Never.  All it takes is a few key questions to tumble the cover narc’s house of cards.  Are they still dwelling on their terrible childhood ?  Have they ever gained a conscience?  Do they still harbor animosity for their parents and siblings?  Have they ever genuinely loved or made a commitment to anyone?  That doesn’t include “faking it” and staying in a long term relationship for the benefits.  Do they have any genuine kindness or compassion?  Do they care at all about anyone but themselves?  And we’re not talking about their public  campaigns to “save the whales” or “help the homeless”.   Well the answer to those all of those questions is NO.

In contrast, the healed target has actually moved on.  They’ve taken personal responsibility for the big mistake they made in engaging with that covert narcissist.  The target will never fully forgive themselves for having made such a grievous error in judgment, because it’s critical to  remember and never make such a mistake again.    Videos are made only when the former  target believes that there is something that could be of benefit to say.  Yes there are things far more interesting and important than covert narcissism or the covert narcissist.  But to the target of one of these creeps any insight into how to recover from these nasty fake relationships needs to be published.  To a target in the immediate wake of the narc’s destruction  who has recently been victimized by a covert narc  it is the highest priority in fact it’s the most important thing in the world to understand fully what was done to them .  Then they can move on.   The healed target does understand.  The healed target  has moved on.  The author will always have compassion for anyone who’s been targeted by a covert narc and will never stop giving information if he feels it could be of help.

Thank you for watching.  Comments are welcomed.  Peace be with you.

END OF VIDEO COMMENTARY:
This world is unfair. The world to come will be fair. The world we live in right now is temporary our lives in this world are also temporary. It’s clear to any of us that this world is unfair. Evil people often succeed, treachery, and deception are often rewarded. The covert narcissist has invested everything into this world, and what they fear the most is the world to come, which will be fair, and even more importantly will be eternal. What’s the narc’s response to that world to come? THEY BLOW IT OFF. Yes, the covert narcissists blow off the potential for eternal life in a fair world. Well, they know it isn’t for them because most everything they’ve ever done in their lives has been in service to this unfair world so there’s very little for them in that world to come. They pretend that world to come doesn’t exist. Saying “they’re not going to a good place” won’t save them. An actuale change of attitude might save the narc. Good luck waiting for that. But it isn’t our problem is it? The narc would rather just believe they won’t be in that world to come, that they will simply cease to exist. But what if they will exist? The narc has no FAITH no HOPE no CHARITY... and no FUTURE.