The Cost of Covert Narcissism Part 1: Maturity dictates that a person should have and take personal responsibility, rely on other people to the smallest degree possible, and most importantly blame no one for the problems in their lives. Yes all of us have had a unique life experience and some of us have had many more obstacles than others. Yes we give people with histories of poor and possibly abusive parenting, and also those with physical and mental disabilities a partial or total pass. They have a legitimate case to make for blaming life's circumstances as the cause of some of their problems as adults. But how many of us actually had ideal parenting? Yes the younger the generation, the more their claims of parents letting them down becomes feasible. Modern day parents are increasingly becoming more selfish and self-centered and aren't providing their children with the psychological and possibly physical support that is necessary and needed and because those parents aren't putting the effort in and the child is aware of this, those parents lose much of the authority in that child's life. But is that the end of the story? No. Remember about personal responsibility and part of that is not copping out and doing as you please because your parents, in your opinion weren't there for you and failed to supply all of your needs. But many of the young do exactly that. These people think themselves to be off the hook because mom and dad weren't perfect. OK. So how much debauchery are these young people going to indulge in before they ruin their own chances to be successful, mentally healthy, and physically sound adults? It should be noted that none of this video applies to anyone who had one or both parents who were covert narcissists. The emotional baggage and dysfunctional thought patterns that covert parents inflict upon their children can and does have the ability to cripple someone for life. The exception to this rule is when those children of covert narcopaths become covert narcs themselves. In many ways covert narcs who saw the dysfunction of their covert parents and were well aware of how wrong that way of life was really have no excuse for having embraced their parents lifestyle. Yes covert parents can create the most devious covert narcopaths of all, with experience that starts by observing covert narcissism early in life. No, these covert creeps do not get a free pass and in addition they get no sympathy whatsoever for the abuse they suffered as children. Why? Because these ghouls “payed it forward” to innocent people who never deserved the treatment they got. That neutralizes any claims of childhood abuse or using that as an excuse. That is my opinion, of course. Back to the subject: Yes an increasingly higher percentage of the young are engaging and indulging in a hive mind attitude that most if not all adults are unworthy of respect and are viewed as not having authority. So even those young people with good parents, who were there for them, begin searching for excuses to join the ranks of their peers in having the opinion that adults aren't worth listening to. Well to be clear not all of the young are this way, but the point is too many are this way and they are using their parents as an excuse. Nothing comes without effort and sometimes what we want in life has to be worked for and immediate gratification has to be delayed. That requires being willing to deal with adversity and holding on even in the face of stress and sometimes persevere under conditions of suffering, suffering that may even be self imposed in the pursuit of a goal. Yes whether people like it or not, in the end they are the product of the choices they have made. Choices to do what felt right, choices to discipline themselves and delay gratification, choices to listen to or blow off the wise counsel of adults who cared and were worthy of authority, choices to dwell on being let down by adults and using that as an excuse. Yes those with physical and mental disabilities do get a free pass. None of us of sound mind and body should ever pass judgment on those people. But those people with manufactured disabilities and manufactured childhood abuse are not off the hook. They can and should do better. So we reach adulthood and decide to put the past behind us. We do work for a goal, we do delay our gratification. We turn our backs on the foolishness of our youth and get serious about life. This can occur at any age, but the point is eventually we all need to get to that place. We get to a point where we think we are ready for a relationship. We meet someone and believe this could be the one, but we stay tentative since a relationship is complicated and both people have to be able to offer something and meet someone else's needs. So maybe things work out and maybe they don't. Maybe we have several relationships that just never gel the way we feel they need to. In every single circumstance we look inside ourselves and try to understand what went wrong and how it went wrong. Maybe we didn't understand what love and commitment were. Maybe we made a foolish choice in a partner who we had nothing in common with. Maybe we needed to work on ourselves. Maybe we needed to understand what it took to be a worthy partner. Unfortunately we may have married too young and realized that things simply couldn't work out. Yes sometimes a person we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with simply wants it all their way and doesn't cherish the relationship. Some partners marry with the hope of simply taking it all for themselves and never have any real intention of compromising. Some partners are simply so selfish that they make the other partner miserable and slowly that partner loses themselves, in the end becoming useless to themselves, their partner and possibly even society. Yes when in a committed relationship or marriage with a person who never actually committed to us and never really appreciated us for ourselves or even loved us we find ourselves in a relationship with a person who can only take, never give and never buildup. So sadly we need to part ways with that person. The relief of freeing ourselves from these selfish self centered abusers gives us a new lease on life. A new lease in which we realize that it's much better to be alone than in a bad relationship. Yes we learn and grow and endeavor to be very careful in ever making another commitment. We learn the need to know someone at a deep level and make sure there is a degree of compatibility before a lifetime commitment is made. So it may well be that we never take the plunge again and prefer being alone. Yes we believe in love and all that it entails but our life situation and the responsibilities that life places in front of us means that we may need to be patient. We may even need to accept the fact that we will be alone for the balance of our existence. We learn to have the attitude of stoicism: being grateful for everything and expecting nothing. Yes we take responsibility for our lives. Many of us freed ourselves from a covert narcissist without even having ever been aware of this mental condition. Or maybe that ex partner was simply pathologically selfish and had a limited understanding of what it meant to love and commit. The thing is we understood that we were with a person who was destroying our individuality and trying to enslave us. We felt ourselves slipping away and the proof of it all was that we simply couldn't function, we were increasingly losing more and more confidence in ourselves and our abilities. All of this at the hands of a person who was joined to us. Why would someone undermine a partner when the sabotage of that partner meant that the relationship as a whole and by association the underminer themselves would be destroyed? It didn't make sense. It was tough to understand. So that person who was being subtly abused got out and took the responsibility for having made a poor choice. But they did this only after putting in a huge amount of effort. They took their commitment seriously, but in the end, after having exhausted all options and putting in every effort it was clear what needed to be done, but that needed to be a mutual decision. So after much discussion and debate and looking at things from many different angles it was mutually agreed to part ways. No doubt was left in either partner's mind and both partners were comfortable with their decisions. No regrets. The key for the person having been given a second chance was to make sure to be very careful in the next partnership if there would ever be one at all. This may have meant that many opportunities for the taking were passed over due to the shell shock of that last relationship. But the key was being personally responsible, looking inside ourselves and needing to fix ourselves before we took the plunge. It was all about us building ourselves up into a person who had the capacity to give, to offer something of value in a relationship that was mutually beneficial. Yes love has the ability to take us to the next level of human existence and achieve things that we never thought possible. The encouragement of a supportive partner who loves and is committed to us allows us to make real those things we always imagined were possible for us to achieve. So we do have the goal of another relationship in our mind's eye. Working towards that goal we strive to become a positive, mentally healthy person. It's clear we need to have something to offer, something to give, something that can be of value and cherished by our future partner. So after never having quite met the right person we take years to build ourselves up preparing for that special person if they should ever come our way. Responsibilities first. To our loved ones and to our job. We meet the challenges that life places before us and we try to take God's will for us into account as well. So maybe it is meant for us to be alone for an indefinite amount of time. Yes we have learned stoicism, enduring adversity and being alone but always hoping for that partner we have prepared for. In my case months before the arrival of that narcopath something inside of me told me there would be a “Sea Change”. I somehow “knew” without understanding how, that a person would enter my life and become my partner without me lifting a finger. Within 6 months the narcopath walked through the door. Was the narcopath the one? Not to my way of thinking but her insistence and that so called premonition seemed to convince me that this was that thing I had the ambiguous hunch about. Make no mistake, there was caution and a vetting process of this person. There was transparency on my end and I wanted my financial situation, what I was able to offer fully disclosed before any firm decision was made on her end. She seemed unconcerned about money, citing the fact that she had more than enough of her own and for both of us. Sure. Just another one of those easily told lies. The reality was she knew from the outset this was all just a temporary game. So what did money mean? She would say whatever was necessary to give the impression of being a serious partner. Of course the ruse extended to the future faking, one of the hallmarks of covert narcissism. Yes my priority of having to have compatible ideas of what the rest of our lives would be like was also something she fully agreed with. Having mutually shared and agreed upon goals for the remainder of our lives together played right into that creep's wicked hands. All of my questions were answered and the certainty of that person, their unwavering and comprehensive pronouncements of me being the person she had been searching for all of her life made a convincing argument. So the relationship began with the strict understanding that she needed to be 100% sure and that a lifetime commitment was made. Yes we would not get into a relationship at all if we didn't both have the certainty of getting married. Yes that woman agreed to it all. Yes she was a narcopath. Yes the outcome was preordained. Yes the resultant upheaval of my life was catastrophic. No an outsider doesn't need to tell me what a fool I was or how it should have been obvious. No, this creep wasn't “the one”. But that premonition about the “Sea Change” was spot on. I had just joined the ranks of the legions of targets that had been victimized and abused by a covert narcopath. Those who had the comfortable stable world they had built for themselves nearly all destroyed. Yes that was a world that could use some additional excitement, something to happen, but it could hardly be called a boring existence or even an unfulfilled existence. Yes many if not all of those targets did have something to offer and thought that the narc was the one who finally appreciated all of those efforts at building themselves up. No. The narc simply saw a source of energy, a person they could quietly work their magic on and then depart when they had satisfied their depraved bloodlust. Yes the narc would take it all and the bulk of the cost would be borne by the discarded victim. Nice and neat for the narcopath. Devastating for the victim. Yes those victims are incapacitated and all of the normal psychological repair mechanisms, all of the self introspection and willingness to take personal responsibility actually works against the healing process. The endless cycle of self blame and head scratching and trying to understand what went wrong begins. But nothing makes sense. Yes we want to take blame, but nothing we did ever warranted the treatment, the incredible depraved and calloused abuse that the narc directed to us. Then we discover covert narcissism and slowly the pieces of a puzzle come together. Years and decades of taking personal responsibility need to be thrown out of the window in this particular situation, if we are ever to find the actual source of what just happened to us. Yes in this rare circumstance the only way out is to find out the truth. Maybe that partner wasn't a covert narcopath. Maybe we are to blame for what went wrong, or at least partly to blame. Yes we always keep that possibility open. But time and the words and actions of that covert narc make our conclusion almost undeniable. So we place the blame where it belongs: on someone else's shoulders. Yes we were conned, we were deceived,, we may have even been naive. But then again maybe we were vigilant and saw the lies, saw the lack of empathy. Of course those revelations came later, when we were already fully intertwined in the relationship. Maybe we were studied in psychology. Maybe we did see glaring deficiencies in that narcopath. But the fact that we weren't aware of covert narcissism means we can forgive ourselves for almost all of that tragic encounter. But being that we are interested in taking personal responsibility, what was our role in that relationship? Yes, with all of this talk about personal responsibility, where does the target's actual responsibility come into the conversation? What exactly did the target do wrong? It ends up being one thing: The target believed the narcopath. That was the mistake they made or sin they committed plain and simple. The minute we add even one additional word or sentence to that statement, the minute we expand that narrative, the blame once again shifts right back onto the covert narcissist's shoulders. So we stop right there. Just to give an example, if we say we were mistaken to believe in the narcopath that is true, but the implication is clear: It implies that the narcopath let us down, and of course they did. Another example is that we could say it was our fault that we believed the covert narcissist's lies. Certainly outsiders are always telling us it was our fault that we were so naive, so easily willing to believe. But the explanation we are compelled to give always leads down the same road. Those naysayers are making comments on a situation, a very personal and intimate interaction between two people that they have no knowledge of whatsoever. So we are then once again forced to get into the details of covert narcissism. That involves discussing the dark warped malevolence that would cause another human being to have motivations the average person could never conceive of. It requires us to explain the incredible deviousness that would make a seemingly sane person invest in a false and phony persona and invest huge amounts of energy to make the target believe all of the lies the narcopath associates with their false charade. So again the focus is placed on the narco paths wrongdoings. To get around this, we simply tell ourselves we believed the narcopath, that was our transgression. To my mind at present that is the culmination, the end result of the healing process. That is the final conclusion that allows us to go on. We do this once we are healed and have fully accepted that sole mistake that we have made. Getting to that determination meant investing all of our time and efforts into understanding why we believed the narcopath and realizing that we were victimized. Part of coming to that realization meant analyzing our own personal situation and understanding how we could possibly believe in the good of someone who was just pretending to be good. So we go on with our lives and put that sad chapter of our existence behind us. Yes we have gained an education and we paid a high price for that knowledge. We will put that knowledge to good use in the future. Yes many of us have reached the Autumn of our lives and are approaching the Winter and we will endeavor to make the best of what is left. Those younger victims have their whole lives ahead of them and the key for these people is to realize that although they are far more impressionable and in a sense were more vulnerable to the covert narcopath, they are also more resilient. The darkness does fade and it is possible to fully purge ourselves of the toxic mindset and relationship patterns that the covert narcopath purposefully inflicted upon us. We just need to learn and become aware. Yes the young often suffer much more emotional and psychological trauma and have fewer tools to combat the pain that reaches deep inside, but they have resilience and plasticity. Keep in mind that no human, young or old, that has just recently been discarded by a narcopath can be reasoned with or even reached. The truth takes time to absorb. But remember others have been where you are. Others have felt the incredible pain of being abandoned and hopeless with no way forward. We get as much emotional support as possible from those around us, knowing full well that they will never understand. We learn from those who do understand. People who may have never even met us. We slowly pull ourselves out of the deep dark place that narcopath left us in. We meet people in real life who may never understand but they assist us simply by being there and doing what they can to help rebuild our lives and that restores our faith in humanity. Remember you believed the narcopath, that is all you are guilty of and after going into all of the necessary details you will see that it wasn't your fault at all what happened to you. Also remember that no partner is required to be perfect, but they are required to be truthful when they make a commitment and pronounce their love. You were truthful, the narc wasn't. Every human being on this earth is allowed to rethink things and dissolve a relationship, but the commitment made requires at least some effort to give feedback and some chance for a partner to make things right or at least be informed of what went wrong. Well of course no truthful answers will ever come from a narcopath and the reasons for their departure will never be disclosed. No the narc simply leaves, goes no contact without the slightest understanding of why. Conversely that narc will come up with a lame and nonsensical excuse. The answers become clear for the victim from other sources. Yes the truth that the narc either never talks about or simply lies to us about needs to be found elsewhere and independently, from other sources. The answers are unbelievable and come as an incredible shock. The narc never loved us, they never cared, they were never committed. Yes the person the narc portrayed themselves as and their attraction to the qualities we worked so hard to cultivate in ourselves was all a lie, a farce. Most every pronouncement that came out of the narc's lips was either embellished, purposefully inaccurate, or an outright fallacy. Yes the whole relationship was an intricately fabricated stage set, a game and that narcopath never had any regard for our humanity or anything we stood for at all. Yes the pre-planned game was played and the narc was going to win. The stage had been set for the narc's next phony fantasy and we were cast as the naive fool who deserved to be a victim. A person who had the audacity to actually believe we were worthy of the narc seeing us as their equal. Yes those of us foolish enough to expect truth, respect, and to be treated like an equal deserved to be given a rude and painful awakening when the narc finally asserted their god-like sovereignty over us and departed. That narc felt it was their full right to deplete us of nearly all of our life force. That meal they took was the cost of us having the privilege of being in their presence. The narc created the perfect environment that gave them the feedback their bloodlust required. Yes by fully capitalizing on the natural love bond every healthy person bestows upon their partner and withdrawing that relationship suddenly the narc gave themselves an aura of superiority and that feeling was pure energy for them. Yes that narc in the end fed off of the pain and distress they caused their ex partner, while oftentimes simultaneously getting huge amounts of positive energy from a new partner that aided them in their abuse of the ex. So the damage is done and the discarded partner can't understand and is totally shocked. The steep learning curve of understanding the dynamics of what happened to them leaves the targeted victim no choice but to fully study and comprehend the dark twisted world of covert narcissism. The repair process goes through ups and downs leading to rage, despair, hopelessness and feelings of utter worthlessness. Some of these covert creeps add to all of this by threatening the target with even more abuse. Those threats could be physical, financial, or psychological. What makes these threats so powerful and real for the victim is that the victim is already doubting their own perceptions of reality, making them extremely vulnerable to believing in even the most remotely feasible dangers. Yes when the foundation of your world has been destroyed and shown to be a farce, you become functionally paranoid and unable to trust almost anything anymore and give feasibility to even the most remote possibilities. So yes those “benign” threats are like a loaded gun being aimed right at your head or the head of a loved one. That metaphorical gun is something you never handled or were ever exposed to. You saw that level of violence as something you would never be anywhere near. But unbeknownst to you that violent malevolence was right beside you, rooting itself into your very heart and soul. Yes that evil narcopath seemed like your best friend on earth, the only person who “got” you and an angel of light. The nightmare that ensued obfuscated the true nature of that parasitic beast as it rooted itself deeper and deeper into your psyche. Only at the time of discard did the true identity and nature of that creature become visible. So naturally there was a shock. But the target goes on, picking themselves up day after day and makes painfully slow progress. Adding to the problem is that no one cares to understand. So the sad fact is that most of us have to go it alone. Sometimes each day seems to be more of a struggle than the last even when the progress is clearly visible and things are getting better. The adversity that these covert creeps bring upon their victims produces incredible emotional pain that manifests itself in many different ways and often seems to come out of nowhere for no discernible reason. Other times that pain is triggered by something that directly or even indirectly brings back a memory of that narcopath's abuse and this can legitimately be called PTSD. All of this creates an atmosphere of hopelessness even in the face of progress. But we go on fighting for hope, fighting for faith, fighting to regain ourselves and our self confidence. No, success may still not be guaranteed so we persevere and do what we did so long ago: delay our gratification. Not that we want to, but because we have no choice. We have work to do: on ourselves, on our finances, on our attitude. No we aren't good for anyone right now but we work to be good for someone in the future. Yes help in the form of a partner may well be on the horizon and that person may take us the rest of the way to being back to where we started before the narcopath. But for now we need to continue on with no guarantees. Yes that narc stole years of our lives that goes far beyond the actual duration of the relationship and it is up to us to heal ourselves and put back the pieces of our lives. It is up to us to rebuild better than before and make the healing process move along as rapidly and efficiently as possible. Yes it all goes back to taking personal responsibility while at the same time realizing that nothing of what that narc did to us was deserved or warranted. Yes it was fully the narc's fault and responsibility for what happened in that relationship, but it's fully our responsibility to repair the damage to ourselves and our environment. So the cost to us is huge, but the gain will be ours as well. The narc will no longer steal the fruits of our labor or victimize us and that is a good thing. Make no mistake, that narc was a tragedy and even though we will be better off after having rebuilt ourselves that isn't the point. The narc robbed us of years or decades of our life and caused immeasurable emotional pain and distress of indescribable intensity and variability and of unbelievable duration. Yes adversity can make us stronger and more complete people, but let's be very clear: We would have been much better off if that narc never darkened our doorstep. The gains we make are totally a result of our own efforts as well as the help of other people and for the believer, God showing us the way. Yes for some of us we would never have made it without God's support and guidance. So even if that tragedy of covert narcissism ended up benefiting us in the end it's absolutely no thanks to the covert narcopath. The narc was a flood, a fire, an earthquake or any other natural disaster or severe illness that forced us to reach inside ourselves and reach out to God. But that disaster should never be seen as anything but the tragedy that it was, something we would have been better off never having experienced. So what about the cost of covert narcissism to the narc themselves? Well that has been discussed previously. Our love for the narcopath ran deep and couldn't simply be turned off. We were deeply invested in that person and their welfare. We cared very much about that narcopath and even in the middle of that abuse we saw clearly what that narcopath was doing to themselves in their acts of depraved treachery. Many of us warned those narcs and our efforts were scoffed at and portrayed as transparent ploys to manipulate. OK. So the target did what they were supposed to do, did what their genuine love for that covert creep dictated for them to do. Yes the target does have empathy and does care, but when it comes to the narcopath they can wash their hands of the situation with a fully clean and clear conscience. They can quarantine or even erase that narc from their thoughts without losing an ounce of their integrity or kindness or empathy. Yes the victim has only the damage done by the narc to focus on. The victim is forced to focus on themselves simply to survive. The target has accepted the responsibility for believing the narcopath and sees that this is the extent of their responsibility. That truth is empowering and healing. It is a truth that peels away all of the layers of toxicity and emotional baggage and gets to the very heart, the essence of the target's problem without attaching any emotion. That truth frees the target and convicts the narcopath. The narc has made their bed and now they sleep in it and the victim knows for sure they can do nothing to change that narco paths gruesome fate. It is not the target's problem or responsibility what happens to the narcopath and that is because the narcopath made it that way and wanted it that way. So the narc gets what they want. Yes the saying be careful what you wish for because you may actually get it never rang truer. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

End Comments:                                                                                                                                        The covert narcissist doesn’t understand that life is based upon an honor system. Frequently the way to happiness, joy, and fulfillment is the hard way, the counterintuitive way, a way that would make no sense. But our responsibilities force us to take that path. Only later do we understand that the hard way was the correct way.                                                                        The narc has a childlike vision of the world. They take whatever they can. They see the “bright shiny object” and just have to have it. Yes they take all of the whole low hanging fruit and then they see some more fruit that doesn’t belong to them and steal that as well. To the narc's way of thinking, that is there’s the secret to success.                                                                                                                                                 But the narc that’s lived decades of their existence with this philosophy has nothing to point to, no successes. Frequently, covert narcopaths are the most unhappy, miserable, angry and bitter human beings on earth. Those who live behind closed doors with these creeps can attest to this. The complaining and lack of satisfaction with just about everything is sickening. Literally. What makes a narc happy? A fresh piece of meat, otherwise known as a new target to victimize and feast on and finish off to the bone. The narc leaves only scraps. Those scraps that remain are all that the victim has to work with in the beginning stages of rebuilding their lives.          The narc is a parasite because they refuse to do the things necessary to generate their own happiness and joy. So the narc can only take. One of the narc's many talents is to give the appearance of being generous and of giving while in reality they are receiving far more benefits than the costs that they incur.

The narc can only steal from others and because of this any so-called accomplishments or just flimsy fake versions of the real thing.

The Covert Narcissist Never “Sleeps”: Longer Version The covert narc, just like rust never stops trying to take control of the narrative, never stops trying to erode the confidence of an ex partner that is wise to their ways. Yes, just like rust, the narc never sleeps. That narcissist eroded and rusted out whole sections of our life beyond repair. That damage had to be cut out, new patch panels fabricated and those panels had to be welded in place, primed and painted. We may think that we have patched, welded in, painted and primed every surface point, but without our knowledge there was a small spot that we neglected and immediately the rust took hold. We were lucky enough to spot that area and retreated it, but without our vigilance that area would have quickly become yet another area of erosion that could potentially rust the entire piece. The primary example of this is the long line of crafty commenters seeking to covertly create unnecessary ambiguity and wanting to place doubt into people who have just come out of the most extreme fantasy world any sane person could ever be drawn into. Yes these commenters are often focusing on the person creating the video commentary, attempting to undermine the progress made in exposing the wiles of covert narco paths, but the message sent is also intended to spread misinformation to those who view the comment. No, a healing victim doesn't need ambiguity, they need clarity. A healing victim doesn't need to be told the abuse was their fault or that they were “equally” to blame in a narco pathic relationship. Then some of these people go one step further and attempt to gaslight whole groups of people by stating they are trying to be “helpful” to the victims. It was never about the victim not seeing their own fault and blame. That victim never had a problem with self introspection or soul searching. They did look deep inside themselves and try to become better people. But the em path was blind to their self-love deficiency and the discard from the narcopath forced them to understand what it was inside themselves that the narcopath capitalized on and took advantage of. Yes that em path turned victim had to face their co-dependency and did. Yes the victim understands very clearly that they made a huge mistake in trusting that narcopath. The victim is well aware of being self love deficient, co-dependent, naive, not vigilant, too trusting and too willing to believe. The victim is well aware that they shouldn't have accepted and allowed the abuse. Yes something inside the victim told them that that abuse was OK, in fact the victim actually subconsciously thought it was normal to be abused. Yes somehow that victim felt “comfortable” being put down and having all of their self worth and dreams and accomplishments denigrated and minimized. Yes, it may well be that previous narco paths in that em paths childhood conditioned them to accept abuse. But the bigger picture , the main theme of that narco pathic relationship has been craft-fully omitted or minimized with those arguments intended to “help” victims. The big problem with that narco pathic relationship is the fact that the narcopath is a predator, seeking to find someone to victimize. The foundation of a relationship is all about being genuine and sincere and the em path was all of those things. The em path gave of themselves and loved and committed and was loyal. The em path, for the most part sought to be a positive influence in the narco paths life. The narcopath has none of those things to their credit. No there is no equivalency whatsoever when it comes to assigning blame in that relationship. The greatest portion of the blame and responsibility for both the abuse and the dysfunction in that narco pathic relationship rests almost solely on the shoulders of that narcopath. The sincerity of intentions is the primary thing to focus on when two people enter a relationship and without a doubt the narcopath was insincere. The empath, no matter how faulty a human being, at least was serious about the relationship. That should close the case of where the vast majority of the blame needs to be placed. Yes that victim may have had many “close calls” in past relationships and saw the manipulation of a partner for what it was. The victim departed those relationships whole and intact. But the narcopath craftily subverted all of that em paths innate discernment, slowly but surely drawing that em path further and further into a bizarre fantasy world having less and less resemblance to the real and actual world. A fantasy that incorporated that victim's whole life, the entire scope of the relationship, their own self image, and the entire vision that victim had of their future. Yes it came as a shock to the victim when it was revealed that most of their life was a fabricated farce. That was difficult to process for the victim. But the information was slowly absorbed and with time that victim began to see things clearly and live in the real world again. However, there are always those who insist on casting doubt into that victim's mind. Well, dispelling doubt and seeing that narcopath as a perpetrator with impure intentions is part of the healing process for the victim and confusing that issue does nothing at all to aid in the healing process. So what are some of the things these people do to create the doubt? Well, it almost always boils down to building up the narco paths grandeur and devaluing and minimizing the true victim. Yes, in a sense it is a way of getting whole groups of people who have finally understood that they were victims and calling into question all of the progress they have made. Yes every human being can look inside themselves and identify many areas where there is room for improvement, but the covert narcissist abuse victim should be very clear about the fact that the narcopath was a predator with malevolent intentions. No, the victim didn't jump to that conclusion easily, there was no effort on the victim's end to avoid personal responsibility or shift blame. The narcopath themselves proved their own evil narcissism 100 times over simply by their actions and words. But those persisting attempts to demoralize a past victim are usually confined to and focused on those ex partners who decide to publicly expose narco paths. Yes, this includes people who post on YouTube as well as posts created on any other form of social media such as Instagram and Facebook, to name a few others. Yes when the narc sees an ex partner putting themselves back together and uncovering the truth of narco pathic depravity the temptation to troll that ex is irresistible. The opportunities of that narc themselves to garner the support of flying monkeys that will assist in that trolling of that ex are nearly unlimited. Yes social media opens up a whole new frontier and generates ways of creating deception and manipulation and outright fraud in ways that were previously unimaginable to the narcopath. But leave it to the shrewd narcopath to always see a way of abusing, using and turning something that could be used for good and instead degrading those good things and using them as tools for the purpose of evil. For the vast majority of victims, there is a different, more insidious way in which an individual covert narcopath continues to use and abuse their ex partners long after they have discarded that victim. Yes that long list of people the narcopath destroyed are an integral part of their personality and have all been incorporated into a present day narrative. Those past associations provide a wealth of material to be used when the narc crafts their next fake and phony persona. One in which in every single instance the narcopath was themselves the victim and the overcomer. One in which those past victims have everything about themselves warped and transformed so that in the end the description of that person and the narrative of their actions and words bears no resemblance to the actual person and events it is based upon. Many of those past partners are depicted as unreasonable fools, people with mental illness, people who are irrational and manipulative, people who are lazy, irresponsible, lie, cheat, steal, abuse drugs or alcohol, etc. Others of those ex partners will be turned into outright demons. Yes the narcopath is well versed in evil and treachery so they are experts at projecting onto past victims what they as narcopaths are themselves. Yes the narcopath needs to go no further than themselves for a motherload of material to use in falsely casting that ex partner as the wrongdoer. Many a victim would be taken aback by what they are being portrayed as when the narc is in the presence of various people. Those stories are custom tailored to the audience, but they all share a common thread: They are very loosely based on the facts that the current audience is aware of. The narrative itself, including the narco paths role in that association is almost pure fabrication. A healed victim would simply be amused at hearing the fiction a warped mind dedicated to treachery and deception and specializing in smearing ex partners can create out of thin air. Of course it isn't really thin air, since the narc uses their own malevolence and irrational behavior and incorporates it into that smear campaign by assigning those traits to the ex partner. The sad thing is that the narcopath was doing this projection all along once that partner was placed in the devaluation phase and that narcopath was simultaneously searching for fresh supply. Our notion of the narcopath as having a fake mask is spot on, but we wrongly assumed that the fake personas were sequential. Yes we assumed that each fake persona would be the entirety of the narcopath's existence wherever they went until a next fake persona was chosen. But that was never the case. The reality was that the narcopath had many different fake personas all at the same time, custom tailored to each setting. So they would be one person with their partner and a totally different person at work or at a community group, not to mention the phony identity they were projecting on social sites. Yes that narcopath was already casting their partner as an abuser long before the actual discard. The convenient thing with these multiple fake personas is that they do allow a narcopath to remain in a relationship for decades. The narc remains the dutiful and devoted spouse as long as they can convince their partner of it and has multiple affairs on the side where they can indulge in alter egos. Yes the narcopath can tire of one of these adulterous alter egos and then simply switch to another when the next affair is started. Greedy narcs sometimes overstep themselves and keep three or even more relationships going all at once. But the point is each of these partners will require a different and customized false mask. Yes we are describing insanity here. That must be clear to everyone by now. Eventually life goes on for the victim and the effects of the narco pathic abuse gradually fade. But because the lingering effects of that past abuse still influence huge portions of the victim's existence, the link to the narcopath is almost impossible to erase fully until the damage itself has been repaired. But the narcopath, who was for the most part never effected by their own abusive and phony behavior saves each and every one of those relationships and freely uses those past victims over and over again when necessary. Those past victims are used to weave the false narrative of the narcopath never having been understood and having been in one abusive relationship after another. Prime material to use as bait in the procurement of the next exciting adventure with the next unwary target. But the narcopath is displeased to no end when they are prevented from fully owning the narrative in the event that a victim has the audacity to set the record straight. The narc thinks it their right and privilege to own all of the versions of what occurred in that relationship. Yes, the covert narcissist has a copyright on pain and anyone telling their version of those occurrences is infringing on the narc's copyright. Yes, the narcopath has sovereignty over all of it, the narrative of the past relationship and they even think themselves the continued owners of that discarded victim, even if they never have any intentions of contacting or seeing that person again. So the narc never sleeps, never stops scheming, never stops manipulating, never stops weaving their tales of deception that involve real actual people but other than that are total fiction. Without a doubt, the narc gives up on people, on commitments, on relationships, on jobs, even on parents and siblings, but the narcissist never gives up on their treachery and deceit. The narc never gives up on destroying anyone they have decided is unworthy of their presence. The narc discards but never gives up ownership of these people. People they have gotten the better of, deceived, used, then thrown away. Yes those people, even if the narc has discarded them need to behave in a manner that is acceptable to the narcissist, never have a mind of their own, and more importantly never should they dare expose the methods of covert narcissists. Well that is just too bad for those narco paths. They aren't God and they don't own the world. No the narc isn't sovereign. So when one of these “vanquished” individuals rises from the ashes and begins exposing the ways of their evil, their methods of operation, the narcopath becomes very annoyed. They will try every way possible to silence, to defeat, to discourage, to intimidate. They will try anything that they can possibly conjure up from that bag of tricks of theirs. The narc will try to do this individually and if they can manage it, they will also create and enlist flying monkeys to aid them in their quest of destruction. As an individual, the narc will try threats and intimidation. The narc will throw every wild accusation that is even remotely feasible at that target that was once their ex partner. When that fails, they will try a different approach and contact the ex partner in mild humility, making subtle suggestions that maybe the person should stop making videos. Yes, I am speaking from personal experience and I will go into further detail of my own actual observations. In the immediate aftermath of the discard the narcopath found a useful idiot in her new partner, a flying monkey ready to try and strong arm and vanquish the ex partner. But the problem was the narcissist as well as their pet weasel, vastly underestimated what would happen when they pushed someone to their limit. Yes the all knowing narc never encountered a super em path before and that new narco pathic weasel partner of hers had only the faulty information that the narcopath fed him to go by. Yes I am speaking from personal experience and I will not speculate on the crazy scenario that the covert narcopath made up about me. I am sure there were numerous different stories, depending on who her audience was, but I am particularly interested in how she portrayed me to those new partners of hers. Yes, no doubt that first useful idiot was discarded once he was no longer useful. But others have come since then. Yes there is no doubt that there is yet another new man in that narco paths life who has been fed a version of past abuse by numerous partners including myself custom tailored to his particular idiosyncrasies. Possibly that man is gentler, more sophisticated, and more refined than the weasel, or maybe he is another thug this crazy creep seemed to be so fond of towards the end. No matter. They are still fools for believing a word that comes out of the narco paths mouth. Yes I will freely admit I was a fool to even believe one word that flowed from that creep's lips. But onto the underminers and destroyers that want to be “helpful” to the video presenter and his audience. Let's and call them trolls as a group to keep things simple even though that implies being judgmental and presuming the motives of another person that we don't even know. Not all of these people are purposeful trolls, but the effect of their posts does every bit as much damage. So we call all of these people trolls even though not all of them intend to be. Some of these people are simply self-deluded, arrogant, and uninformed and actually do think they are helping. But a person who has never experienced narco pathic abuse is in no position whatsoever to understand what a person that has suffered at the hands of a narcopath goes through and is therefor unqualified to have an opinion let alone pass judgment on genuine victims. No the victim of a narcopath wasn't a fool who believed every world of flattery or every lie that narcopath told. The capture of that target by the predatory narcopath was so subtle that a person who was well versed in psychology but never introduced to the concept of covert narcissism could be fully deceived. Yes psychological safeguards were put in place by some of those targets to avoid liars and deceivers. Safeguards were put in place by the target to slowly extract themselves and make themselves less vulnerable to a partner who was displaying signs of treachery and disloyalty. But the narcopath cut every one of those psychological safeguards to pieces with plausible explanations for why they weren't able to show loyalty, love and vulnerability like most other people do. Yes that narc was a hardened person due to an abused childhood according to that narc's narrative, so in many cases they got a free pass. Back to the trolls. These trolls often try to make the point that the target was just a naive fool who should have known better. Well anyone who knows about covert narcissism does know better...now. These trolls are often independent but the opportunity for the narc themselves to get flying monkeys to assist in this trolling means that the narc can engage in the attempted destabilization of an ex partner on a continuing basis through third parties. Since the barrage of naysayers and wiseguys that occasionally crawl out from under their rocks to comment is never ending, hiding their own personal trolls in the crowd is a relatively easy task for the covert narcissist. To add to the mix the covert narc themselves will also take on numerous anonymous social alter egos and continue their attempts at demoralizing the ex as well. But when that narc has been bested and detected too many times they eventually stop trying on their own and focus their efforts an finding someone that can do a better job than they can. The fabricated tale of woe and victim-hood is simply something many members of the opposite sex can't resist. Especially when the potential for a relationship is implied. But make no mistake there are plenty of average people simply motivated by self righteousness that will also be more than willing to believe that narcopath's phony stories and be willing to help bring down a supposed evil doer we all understand to be the genuine victim. Yes the narc is an expert at creating flying monkeys from all walks of life to aid and abet them. But then the narc has a masterstroke idea that is something they never conceived of before. Yes, they then come up with an idea that excites them to no end. They decide to enlist their new partner in a trolling campaign. This new partner is not the typical lowlife thug the narc gravitates to but someone who considers themselves an intellectual and a high class sophisticate that is wise to the ways of the world. A person who is convinced by the narcopath that this ex partner is simply disgruntled and making up stories about the covert narc on social sites. So this wise intellectual partner is enlisted to do for the narc what that narc can't do for themselves. Silence that ex partner if at all possible, but confront using reason and logic. Confront posing as a mild mannered humble person who “just wants to help”. Yes most of us are well aware of the covert narcissist's knack for getting reasonable and even possibly good people to do their bidding and commit acts that boil down to being treacherous, damaging, and evil. We are also all well aware of the covert narc's addiction to capturing targets and making those targets believe they are actually entering into and engaging in a genuine relationship. But now the narc enters into one of their most ambitious endeavors to date. Yes if the narc can actually introduce their new partner to the concept of covert narcissism and deceive that new partner into believing they are genuine and not a narcopath at all they have achieved something never attained before. The novel idea here is that after introducing the new partner to the concept of covert narcissism that narc craft-fully endeavors to subtly victimize and deceive this same new partner just as every covert narcissist does. Convince this new partner that they are genuinely committed and love that partner even when covert narcissism and the actual treachery committed by this individual narcopath are clearly laid out in videos. Yes this takes narcopathic deception to a new level. From there on out convincing that deceived partner to do their evil bidding while thinking they are doing good becomes a relatively easy task. Yes that new partner will be fully convinced that every word of every video is an absolute lie and that target might even be convinced that the concept of covert narcissism is an overblown hoax. That new protector is convinced of that narco paths authenticity. That dupe hasn't a clue, even when given all of the information needed on a silver platter, Karpman triangle references and all. OK. Keep in mind we are not talking at all about one of the narc's standard ploys: that of simply deceiving someone into believing they are either interested in a relationship or actually faking a relationship with someone to get that person to do their bidding. What we are talking about has many more layers of complexity and subtlety. This is treachery cleaned up, sanitized and dressed in formal, high class attire. This is treachery that no one even sees as treachery. Not even the perpetrator duped into promulgating this nonsense sees it as treachery. Yes these clowns actually think their psychobabble will convince a person into believing nonsense which through twisted logic and reason would make someone conclude that covert narcissism is a myth and that the victims are all to blame for their own difficulty in recovering and moving on. This is treachery that appears reasonable, sophisticated and may even on its surface seem to be a genuine attempt at “helping”, at enlightening. But the proof is in the pudding and once we slice though all of the layers of deception, and see that all of this “help” is really producing one result: telling the victim it's all their fault, casting doubt on their victim status and more importantly casting doubt on the very existence of covert narcissism. But the giveaway is when the clowns overstep themselves and actually blatantly imply in not so many words that the covert narc is some sort of demigod or goddess and overtly state that this person was so magnificent the ex partner can never get over the loss or ever be able to recreate that experience. Of course what the fools fail to realize is that they themselves are being deceived. Yes these dupes doing the bidding of the covert narc may actually believe all the nonsense they are spouting especially about the “god like” nature of their “special” new partner. Oh yes I forgot to mention that these commenters at least one of them, is now the proud partner of the narcopath. But of course covert narcissism doesn't exist and that narc is a true treasure that the fool thinks themselves lucky to be in a relationship with. Yes they get what they deserve, but it will be a while before the true nature of that “treasure” reveals itself. Maybe some people like being abused and mistreated and denigrated. If so they have found themselves the perfect match. As for the rest of us rest assured when the fog clears and the victim gets themselves back they have no illusions as to the irreplaceability of the narcopath. A healed victim just has to look around and they will see numerous people both physically and spiritually. not to mention psychologically, far superior to the narcopath. That narc was special to the target for one reason and one reason alone: we chose to love them and endow them with that importance and stature. We chose to invest ourselves into these people and believe in them and have faith in them despite their deep flaws. We chose to be supportive and work with what we had and gently show these people a better way, rather than constantly pointing out their flaws. Our failing was simply not being able to conceive of someone who literally didn't love us or care about us at all. No those telltale signs, the red flags that made us wonder, weren't small things, they were the tip of an iceberg. No, that narc wasn't a hardened person with a good heart, they were a person with no heart using an abused past as a smokescreen. Yes a person can be forgiven when under the spell of a narcopath while being totally unaware of the existence of covert narcissism. But to have everything laid out right in front of you and still be oblivious? Well that means someone has a big problem and is under a serious delusion. Fortunately that isn't the problem of an aware victim. Most people, especially narc abuse victims don't enjoy observing dysfunctional train wrecks otherwise known as modern and evolved open relationships. The dupes have no idea how open that relationship with the narcopath really is. Yes the dupe actually thinks there is some degree of genuine loyalty, some genuine commitment and love. Sorry, no there is not. So the narc abuse victim really doesn't enjoy a person making a spectacle and a fool of themselves. Let them enjoy the covert narc and live in their fool's paradise. The victims simply want to be left alone and “protectors” doing the narco paths bidding can take a hike. They will be identified, isolated, and eliminated. They will be erased. Just as the narcopath was erased. So what is the point of mentioning all of this? Well part of the fabricated narrative the new dupe is sometimes fed involves an ex partner that supposedly had nothing going on in their lives other than the narcopath. Yes the ex made that narcopath their whole life. They were totally dependent on the narcopath and couldn't handle their departure, so that when the narcopath left the ex partner lost everything. Yes, according to that narrative that ex partner was nothing without the presence of that narcopath in their lives. So the ex can't move on. Yes that ex partner of the narc is an empty shell that was nothing before the narc arrived into their lives and is once again nothing now that the narcopath has departed. There is no doubt that is only one of the themes of that carefully crafted fake narrative presented to the dupe. But the main thing is that narrative totally legitimizes the narcopath even in the face of all of the videos made by her ex. Yes what a clever stroke of that narco paths imagination. The narc can have their Karpman triangle right in the face of a Karpman triangle video. But this triangle is artistic, subtler, more covert, more refined. But in it's own way this more covert way of dealing with things is also much more sinister. Yes the dupe is all in, and they and the narc are both on the same page. Subtle subterfuge. Intellectual and philosophical warfare. But when you boil it all down it is still all of the same game playing. Immature and foolish deception and posturing with the appearance of reason and logic, presented with pseudo-scientific intellectualistic language. The same old garbage dressed up to look different. In my case, at least the narc's first weasel partner who was used to cruelly triangulate was unsophisticated enough to not be able to help himself. That weasel's self deluded sense of greatness and personal narcissism could be seen a mile away. But we aren't talking about that type of overt aggression designed to destroy. Yes this attack is more “covert”, but with all of the same malevolence, only having the surface appearance of humility. Yes this new strategy is to appear humble. Speak gently with deference. But then provide links to so called “helpful” videos designed to begin playing at a sentence that gives the real message intended. Clever. Covert. Wicked. The same goes with the so called “helpful” advice to victims of covert narcissist abuse that ends up creating confusion and making the victim once again question themselves and think themselves the ones that bear much if not all of the responsibility for the narcopath abusing and eventually leaving. Yes that so called “help”, when analyzed gives these creeps away and shows them to be the phonies that they are. Sadly you can never have a clear and open conversation, a fruitful exchange of ideas that both parties can learn and benefit from with a narcopath. It's all about winning at a game of deception for the narcopath, and that is the other “tell” that separates a well meaning person with incorrect information seeking a conversation from a disruptor with the intent of destroying, of demoralizing, of confusing, of silencing. So the new narrative used against a covert narcissist abuse victim is that they made the narcopath “their whole lives” and that is why they couldn't get over it when the narcopath departed. Well that could make sense, if it were true. That could make sense, but the problem is that covert narcissism actually exists and that victim can't get over the situation because of severe psychological and emotional abuse. Covert narcissism is real, not a myth. Yes there are actually people in the world dedicated to lying and deceit. People who don't have a conscience or remorse. People who discard and weave false narratives of abuse simply to suit their own needs and desires. Yes people who create accounts of abuse and terrible intolerable behavior that is fabricated out of thin air. No abuse whatsoever actually occurred. On the contrary, the discarded partner, the so called abuser was supportive, kind, complimentary, compassionate, and appreciative. The so called abuser was the one who was actually being terribly abused and lied to on a daily basis. The so called abuser was being ground down and sucked dry of every ounce of their lifeforce. But the narcopath twisted everything and projected all of the abuse originating from themselves onto the ex partner, the actual victim of abuse. But what about that accusation of making the narcopath not the center of their lives, but “their whole life”? Well once again a small amount of actual fact is mixed in with a huge deception, cobbled together, then presented as the truth. Make no mistake, the covert narcissist's goal was to enslave their target and make that target totally dependent on them. Yes that narcopath wanted the em path or self love deficient person or codependent to make them not just the center of their lives, but “their whole life”. However if that target ever actually did make that narcopath “their whole life”, it was not because of any deficiencies in themselves, it was because the narcopath never gave up until finally they got it all their way and made themselves that target's whole life. The very point of all of the narcissist's lies, the gaslighting, the future faking was to fully and totally manipulate and control another human being. Yes if the narc had their way they would have precisely what was described: a person who made them their whole life. No, not just the center of their lives, but their whole life. It should be stated clearly again: If such a poor soul exists they were purposefully made that way by the narcopath, not because of their own deficiencies and dysfunctional need to focus their whole life on someone else. But how easy it is to twist everything and once again blame the victim. The irony and the wickedness of it all is that once the narc has created this so called mind numbed robot they actually use the result of all of their abuse as the reason for them to discard that self same victim. Yes that is the definition of evil, of incredibly depraved indifference, wickedness and cruelty. This is possible for the covert narcissist because they don't see anyone else as an actual human being, the narco paths victims are dehumanized and are simply seen as appliances for the narcopath to use. But the narcopath is never done. They now enlist others and tell them of that target's “issues”. Yes that target is still dwelling on covert narcissism and continues to recount the details of abuse in that relationship in videos they are making. But of course the narcopath being under the impression that they have ownership of a previous target couldn't possibly allow that person to have sovereignty over their own lives, so the narc enlists their new soul mate, or new best friend or any other person they can convince into being a flying monkey, in to handle a lingering “problem” they have. Yes the new dupe will now be helpful and try to point out to the target that they have a huge problem. Yes the victim of a covert narcissist is now told all of their problems that arose from the relationship with a covert narcissist are their fault and their fault alone. Never is there any allusion whatsoever to the narcopath having any problems at all. No, those lies, the deception, the gaslighting, the cycle of flattery, mirroring idealization, followed by the honeymoon period and the devaluation and sudden discard are a mere coincidence. Maybe those events never even occurred, are even outright lies. The target is severely deluded. Covert narcissism is a myth, or at least their interpretation of their ex as having been a covert narcissist is faulty. Yes that ex partner, the actual victim is the one with all of the problems. The victim is the one lying, making up stories, and fabricating the scenarios of that relationship out of thin air. Isn't that cute. The foolishness of these clowns is unimaginable. Yes the accounts of someone who lived something, actually witnessed it all, and was the actual victim of those events doesn't know what he is talking about, but a third party who was never even present is going by the “accurate” accounts of a covert narcissist, a proven liar one hundred times over, and presenting themselves as an authority on those events. You have to give it to those covert narcissists. This is an absolute master stroke. Their crowning achievement. The narc achieves the near impossible: they create a dupe, a clown that fully believes all of their lies and never questions. Even when given all of the information about how covert narcissists lie and deceive and manipulate their targets. Even when numerous details of what is actually going on inside the warped head of that narcopath are presented to them clearly. Even after having most of the details of the abuse that the individual narcopath perpetrated clearly described right in front of their eyes. Well maybe some narcopaths do finally find their lap dog. Good for them. But that is of no concern or interest to the victims. What is of concern is when these fools spew garbage and misinformation and use the age old technique of projection, actually putting all of the blame and abuse squarely on the shoulders of the genuine victim. Yes the narcopath is the sane one and needs to change nothing. They were the victim. Yes the person victimized by the narcopath is presented as the one who needs to work on themselves and change. Well here is the narco paths problem: Their lies and manipulations are now clearly visible. Those victims are now living in the world of reality where black is black, white is white, up is up, and down is down. No more floating in outer space or drifting in a fog. Reality bites but only those who refuse to acknowledge it. So here is the reality: Most victims did love that narcopath and make that person their highest priority and even the center of their lives. That is a function of love. But to say that narc was the target's whole life is a vast over reach. Most of those targets did have many interests in art, in nature, in science, things that attracted the narcopath in the first place. But just because a partner becomes the focus of our attention, our highest priority as is appropriate when a person genuinely loves another human being does not at all add up to that partner being “someone's whole life”. So when an anon wants to give “helpful” advice about not making someone “your whole life” it is immediately seen for the nonsense that it is. At least for me. But even for those who were conned and manipulated into making a narcopath their whole lives, how dare someone even suggest that those people are to blame for that. That qualifies as kicking someone, even psychologically abusing someone when they are already down. Yes, that anon referred to with all of the “helpful” comments is real. All of the events recounted in my relationship with the narcopath are true to the best of my recollection. All of the interactions with that narco paths first new partner, the weasel that was her partner right after the discard are real. No they aren't fabrications, they are raw facts of the harsh and cruel reality that every covert narcissist abuse victim has to deal with long after that creep is done with them. So it becomes clear that the narcopath did everything in their power to break down the victim and eliminate all of their interests, leaving themselves as the only thing remaining in the victim's life. But that was by the covert narcissist's design. When the narc's strategy doesn't work and they see that the victim doesn't give everything up, that is called disloyalty or inattentiveness displayed by the victim. When the target refuses to be manipulated, that is called showing a lack of love by the narcopath, or being difficult. Ironically, the narc will often accuse someone of being manipulative when that person refuses to be manipulated. So in the end the narc moves on and gives up when they realize that person will never become a slave. The excuse being that the person was never serious about the relationship, never really loved the narcopath and had never been loyal. Sadly, those who do give in to the narcopath eventually suffer the very same fate. Only in that case the narc makes the argument that the person had no life and made them their whole lives. No, you will never be able to win with a narcissist. They will always have an excuse for what we all now know is obvious: the narc does what they want to do due to pure selfishness, regardless of the cost to others. Yes the narc always wins and that game goes on long after the discard. The narc never sleeps or stops scheming or re-purposing. The narc never stops trying to erode everything and everyone they come in contact with, even past partners. Day in day out. Until the end of their days. But in reality they have eroded themselves. The targets that were victimized are used as trophies and dusted off every now and then when the narc sees something that is useful to them in their present. A quality, a talent, a like or dislike of those former exes can always be plagiarized and used by the narc for their own fake persona. An ex partner making videos can still be targeted for abuse either directly or indirectly through third parties. The common theme is always the same: The narcopath dehumanizes and uses people. They do this before, during, and even long after they have used and abused these ex partners. Only the outward appearance and actions and words of the narc seem to indicate they change their attitude. But rest assured it's always the same for the narcopath. It's all about them and them alone. They are always the victim. They are never wrong. They are never to blame. But oh how proud they are of all of the people they bested and destroyed and there amazing ability to erode and degrade everything until it is nearly useless. That is what gives those creeps self worth and self esteem. Sick. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. Ending commentary: The power of relying on God's advice as given in the Bible can not be overstated. We rarely understand that advice at the time, but if we follow it we see the benefits and wisdom of that advice eventually. God doesn't need to be told what the narcopath did to you. He is well aware of the situation. God doesn't need your advice on what should happen to the narcopath, what their punishment should be. God doesn't need your help in punishing that narcopath. God told you what to do: stay out of His way, He would take care of the situation. Any attempt at “informing” God of what we think He isn't aware of , any attempt at “helping” God means that we think we know better than God, means that we believe our solution to the problem is superior to that of God's. Yes that narc may not suffer or pay for what they did to us and we won't be able to understand why that was allowed. Yes God does allow the wicked to prosper and the Bible makes it very clear that God is aware of the frustration that causes those victims. He understands the pain, the rage and your longing to see justice. But God is in control. He has this.

The Covert Narcissist Never “Sleeps” Shorter Version The covert narc, just like rust never stops trying to take control of the narrative, never stops trying to erode the confidence of an ex partner that is wise to their ways. Yes, just like rust, the narc never sleeps. That narcissist eroded and rusted out whole sections of our life beyond repair. That damage had to be cut out, new patch panels fabricated and those panels had to be welded in place, primed and painted. We may think that we have patched, welded in, painted and primed every surface point, but without our knowledge there was a small spot that we neglected and immediately the rust took hold. We were lucky enough to spot that area and retreated it, but without our vigilance that area would have quickly become yet another area of erosion that could potentially rust the entire piece. The primary example of this is the long line of crafty commenters seeking to covertly create unnecessary ambiguity and wanting to place doubt into people who have just come out of the most extreme fantasy world any sane person could ever be drawn into. Yes these commenters are often focusing on the person creating the video commentary, attempting to undermine the progress made in exposing the wiles of covert narcopaths, but the message sent is also intended to spread misinformation to those who view the comment. No, a healing victim doesn't need ambiguity, they need clarity. A healing victim doesn't need to be told the abuse was their fault or that they were “equally” to blame in a narco pathic relationship. Then some of these people go one step further and attempt to gaslight whole groups of people by stating they are trying to be “helpful” to the victims. It was never about the victim not seeing their own fault and blame. That victim never had a problem with self introspection or soul searching. They did look deep inside themselves and try to become better people. But the empath was blind to their self-love deficiency and the discard from the narcopath forced them to understand what it was inside themselves that the narcopath capitalized on and took advantage of. Yes that empath turned victim had to face their co-dependency and did. Yes the victim understands very clearly that they made a huge mistake in trusting that narcopath. The victim is well aware of being self love deficient, co-dependent, naive, not vigilant, too trusting and too willing to believe. The victim is well aware that they shouldn't have accepted and allowed the abuse. Yes something inside the victim told them that that abuse was OK, in fact the victim actually subconsciously thought it was normal to be abused. Yes somehow that victim felt “comfortable” being put down and having all of their self worth and dreams and accomplishments denigrated and minimized. Yes, it may well be that previous narcopath's in that em paths childhood conditioned them to accept abuse. But the bigger picture , the main theme of that narcopathic relationship has been craft-fully omitted or minimized with those arguments intended to “help” victims. The big problem with that narco pathic relationship is the fact that the narcopath is a predator, seeking to find someone to victimize. The foundation of a relationship is all about being genuine and sincere and the em path was all of those things. The em path gave of themselves and loved and committed and was loyal. The em path, for the most part sought to be a positive influence in the narcopath's life. The narcopath has none of those things to their credit. No there is no equivalency whatsoever when it comes to assigning blame in that relationship. The greatest portion of the blame and responsibility for both the abuse and the dysfunction in that narcopathic relationship rests almost solely on the shoulders of that narcopath. The sincerity of intentions is the primary thing to focus on when two people enter a relationship and without a doubt the narcopath was insincere. The empath, no matter how faulty a human being, at least was serious about the relationship. That should close the case of where the vast majority of the blame needs to be placed. Yes that victim may have had many “close calls” in past relationships and saw the manipulation of a partner for what it was. The victim departed those relationships whole and intact. But the narcopath craftily subverted all of that em paths innate discernment, slowly but surely drawing that em path further and further into a bizarre fantasy world having less and less resemblance to the real and actual world. A fantasy that incorporated that victim's whole life, the entire scope of the relationship, their own self image, and the entire vision that victim had of their future. Yes it came as a shock to the victim when it was revealed that most of their life was a fabricated farce. That was difficult to process for the victim. But the information was slowly absorbed and with time that victim began to see things clearly and live in the real world again. However, there are always those who insist on casting doubt into that victim's mind. Well, dispelling doubt and seeing that narcopath as a perpetrator with impure intentions is part of the healing process for the victim and confusing that issue does nothing at all to aid in the healing process. So what are some of the things these people do to create the doubt? Well, it almost always boils down to building up the narco paths grandeur and devaluing and minimizing the true victim. Yes, in a sense it is a way of getting whole groups of people who have finally understood that they were victims and calling into question all of the progress they have made. Yes every human being can look inside themselves and identify many areas where there is room for improvement, but the covert narcissist abuse victim should be very clear about the fact that the narcopath was a predator with malevolent intentions. No, the victim didn't jump to that conclusion easily, there was no effort on the victim's end to avoid personal responsibility or shift blame. The narcopath themselves proved their own evil narcissism 100 times over simply by their actions and words. But those persisting attempts to demoralize a past victim are usually confined to and focused on those who decide to publicly, and anonymously, expose narcopaths. Yes, many victims make videos with no anonymity. Fine. But when we get into the gritty details and delve deeply into the warped brain and actions of the narcopath it is best to remain anonymous. Innocent people could be harmed when personal accounts are given in detail. For the vast majority of victims, there is a different, more insidious way in which an individual covert narcopath continues to use and abuse their ex partners long after they have discarded that victim. Yes that long list of people the narcopath destroyed are an integral part of their personality and have all been incorporated into a present day narrative. Those past associations provide a wealth of material to be used when the narc crafts their next fake and phony persona. One in which in every single instance the narcopath was themselves the victim and the overcomer. One in which those past victims have everything about themselves warped and transformed so that in the end the description of that person and the narrative of their actions and words bears no resemblance to the actual person and events it is based upon. Many of those past partners are depicted as unreasonable fools, people with mental illness, people who are irrational and manipulative, people who are lazy, irresponsible, lie, cheat, steal, abuse drugs or alcohol, etc. Others of those ex partners will be turned into outright demons. Yes the narcopath is well versed in evil and treachery so they are experts at projecting onto past victims what they as narcopaths are themselves. Yes the narcopath needs to go no further than themselves for a motherload of material to use in falsely casting that ex partner as the wrongdoer. Many a victim would be taken aback by what they are being portrayed as when the narc is in the presence of various people. Those stories are custom tailored to the audience, but they all share a common thread: They are very loosely based on the facts that the current audience is aware of. The narrative itself, including the narcopath's role in that association is almost pure fabrication. A healed victim would simply be amused at hearing the fiction a warped mind dedicated to treachery and deception and specializing in smearing ex partners can create out of thin air. Of course it isn't really thin air, since the narc uses their own malevolence and irrational behavior and incorporates it into that smear campaign by assigning those traits to the ex partner. The sad thing is that the narcopath was doing this projection all along once that partner was placed in the devaluation phase and that narcopath was simultaneously searching for fresh supply. Our notion of the narcopath as having a fake mask is spot on, but we wrongly assumed that the fake personas were sequential. Yes we assumed that each fake persona would be the entirety of the narcopath's existence wherever they went until a next fake persona was chosen. But that was never the case. The reality was that the narcopath had many different fake personas all at the same time, custom tailored to each setting. So they would be one person with their partner and a totally different person at work or at a community group, not to mention the phony identity they were projecting on social sites. Yes that narcopath was already casting their partner as an abuser long before the actual discard. The convenient thing with these multiple fake personas is that they do allow a narcopath to remain in a relationship for decades. The narc remains the dutiful and devoted spouse as long as they can convince their partner of it and has multiple affairs on the side where they can indulge in alter egos. Yes the narcopath can tire of one of these adulterous alter egos and then simply switch to another when the next affair is started. Greedy narcs sometimes overstep themselves and keep three or even more relationships going all at once. But the point is each of these partners will require a different and customized false mask. Yes we are describing insanity here. That must be clear to everyone by now. Eventually life goes on for the victim and the effects of the narco pathic abuse gradually fade. But because the lingering effects of that past abuse still influence huge portions of the victim's existence, the link to the narcopath is almost impossible to erase fully until the damage itself has been repaired. But the narcopath, who was for the most part never effected by their own abusive and phony behavior saves each and every one of those relationships and freely uses those past victims over and over again when necessary. Those past victims are used to weave the false narrative of the narcopath never having been understood and having been in one abusive relationship after another. Prime material to use as bait in the procurement of the next exciting adventure with the next unwary target. But the narcopath is displeased to no end when they are prevented from fully owning the narrative in the event that a victim has the audacity to set the record straight. The narc thinks it their right and privilege to own all of the versions of what occurred in that relationship. Yes, the covert narcissist has a copyright on pain and anyone telling their version of those occurrences is infringing on the narc's copyright. Yes, the narcopath has sovereignty over all of it, the narrative of the past relationship and they even think themselves the continued owners of that discarded victim, even if they never have any intentions of contacting or seeing that person again. So the narc never sleeps, never stops scheming, never stops manipulating, never stops weaving their tales of deception that involve real actual people but other than that are total fiction. Without a doubt, the narc gives up on people, on commitments, on relationships, on jobs, even on parents and siblings, but the narcissist never gives up on their treachery and deceit. The narc never gives up on destroying anyone they have decided is unworthy of their presence. The narc discards but never gives up ownership of these people. People they have gotten the better of, deceived, used, then thrown away. Yes those people, even if the narc has discarded them need to behave in a manner that is acceptable to the narcissist, never have a mind of their own, and more importantly never should they dare expose the methods of covert narcissists. Well that is just too bad for those narcopaths. They aren't God and they don't own the world. No the narc isn't sovereign. So when one of these “vanquished” individuals rises from the ashes and begins exposing the ways of their evil, their methods of operation, the narcopath becomes very annoyed. They will try every way possible to silence, to defeat, to discourage, to intimidate. They will try anything that they can possibly conjure up from that bag of tricks of theirs. The narc will try to do this individually and if they can manage it, they will also create and enlist flying monkeys to aid them in their quest of destruction. As an individual, the narc will try threats and intimidation. The narc will throw every wild accusation that is even remotely feasible at that target that was once their ex partner. When that fails, they will try a different approach and contact the ex partner in mild humility, making subtle suggestions that maybe the person should stop making videos. Yes, I am speaking from personal experience and I will go into further detail of my own actual observations. In the immediate aftermath of the discard the narcopath found a useful idiot in her new partner, a flying monkey ready to try and strong arm and vanquish the ex partner. But the problem was the narcissist as well as their pet weasel, vastly underestimated what would happen when they pushed someone to their limit. Yes the all knowing narc never encountered a super empath before and that new narcopathic weasel partner of hers had only the faulty information that the narcopath fed him to go by. Yes I am speaking from personal experience and I will not speculate on the crazy scenario that the covert narcopath made up about me. I am sure there were numerous different stories, depending on who her audience was, but I am particularly interested in how she portrayed me to those new partners of hers. Yes, no doubt that first useful idiot was discarded once he was no longer useful. But others have come since then. Yes there is no doubt that there is yet another new man in that narco paths life who has been fed a version of past abuse by numerous partners including myself custom tailored to his particular idiosyncrasies. Possibly that man is gentler, more sophisticated, and more refined than the weasel, or maybe he is another thug this crazy creep seemed to be so fond of towards the end. No matter. They are still fools for believing a word that comes out of the narco paths mouth. Yes I will freely admit I was a fool to even believe one word that flowed from that creep's lips. But onto the underminers and destroyers that want to be helpful to the video presenter and his audience. No doubt some of these people are under the influence of a narcopath and have been engaging in subtle subterfuge in an effort to confuse and cloud the clear narrative presented of narco pathic abuse. Yes even a reasonable person could be convinced into becoming a flying monkey and help to battle the people making videos exposing narcopaths for the evil perpetrators that they are. After all narco paths can't help themselves and need our empathy. Yes the narcopath owns a copyright on pain, no one else has a right to complain about their own suffering. No one else has the right to expect someone to see their side of things. That narrative is also copyrighted by the narcopath and because of that the narcissist is free to change all of the details and insist their version and their version alone is the genuine article. The narc has the right to change the details of that reality at any time, because they own the copyright and they are sovereign. So the narcissist continually alters the narrative. After all that covert narcissist has plenty of time to craft whatever narrative that suits them. The story has to be convincing and more importantly any new partner that would inevitably be made into a dupe would have to be fully convinced of the narco paths veracity. Yes that is the narco paths biggest addiction, one that they indulge in possibly dozens of times every single day: the need to make others believe a lie. A lie is of no value if you can't make another person believe it and therefore the narc has specialized in doing exactly that. In fact a crowning achievement would be to have a new partner watch the videos on a channel made by an ex partner and be fully convinced that all of the accounts described were either fabricated by that partner or warped to fit the narrative of the video. In other words believe a lie. Yes this is now all theoretical, but make no mistake this very thing has almost definitely occurred, especially when the person making videos is out there in the public. Most of the time that narcopath will simply never admit to having known that video presenter. But occasionally the association can't be masked. Other times the narcopath will purposefully enlist someone in an effort to help undermine the anonymous presenter of videos. Yes, the videos need to be debunked and the presenter brought down in any way possible. Either way the narcopath enlists a third party to become a “protector”. That new protector is convinced of that narco paths authenticity. That dupe hasn't a clue, even when given all of the information needed on a silver platter, Karpman triangle references and all. OK. Yes a person can be forgiven when under the spell of a narcopath while being totally unaware of the existence of covert narcissism. But to have everything laid out right in front of you and still be oblivious? Well that means someone has a big problem and is under a serious delusion. Fortunately that isn't the problem of an aware victim. Most people, especially narc abuse victims don't enjoy observing dysfunctional train wrecks otherwise known as modern and evolved open relationships. They simply want to be left alone and “protectors” doing the narco paths bidding can take a hike. They will be identified, isolated, and eliminated. They will be erased. Just as the narcopath was erased. So what is the point of mentioning all of this? Well part of the fabricated narrative the new dupe is sometimes fed involves an ex partner that supposedly had nothing going on in their lives other than the narcopath. Yes the ex made that narcopath their whole life. They were totally dependent on the narcopath and couldn't handle their departure, so that when the narcopath left the ex partner lost everything. Yes, according to that narrative that ex partner was nothing without the presence of that narcopath in their lives. So the ex can't move on. Yes that ex partner of the narc is an empty shell that was nothing before the narc arrived into their lives and is once again nothing now that the narcopath has departed. There is no doubt that is only one of the themes of that carefully crafted fake narrative presented to the dupe. But the main thing is that narrative totally legitimizes the narcopath even in the face of all of the videos made by her ex. Yes what a clever stroke of that narco paths imagination. The narc can have their Karpman triangle right in the face of a Karpman triangle video. But this triangle is artistic, subtler, more covert, more refined. But in it's own way this more covert way of dealing with things is also much more sinister. Yes the dupe is all in, and they and the narc are both on the same page. Subtle subterfuge. Intellectual and philosophical warfare. But when you boil it all down it is still all of the same game playing. Immature and foolish deception and posturing with the appearance of reason and logic, presented with pseudo-scientific intellectualistic language. The same old garbage dressed up to look different. In my case, at least the narc's first weasel partner who was used to cruelly triangulate was unsophisticated enough to not be able to help himself. That weasel's self deluded sense of greatness and personal narcissism could be seen a mile away. But we aren't talking about that type of overt aggression designed to destroy. Yes this attack is more “covert”, but with all of the same malevolence, only having the surface appearance of humility. Yes this new strategy is to appear humble. Speak gently with deference. But then provide links to so called “helpful” videos designed to begin playing at a sentence that gives the real message intended. Clever. Covert. Wicked. The same goes with the so called “helpful” advice to victims of covert narcissist abuse that ends up creating confusion and making the victim once again question themselves and think themselves the ones that bear much if not all of the responsibility for the narcopath abusing and eventually leaving. Yes that so called “help”, when analyzed gives these creeps away and shows them to be the phonies that they are. Sadly you can never have a clear and open conversation, a fruitful exchange of ideas that both parties can learn and benefit from with a narcopath. It's all about winning at a game of deception for the narcopath, and that is the other “tell” that separates a well meaning person with incorrect information seeking a conversation from a disruptor with the intent of destroying, of demoralizing, of confusing, of silencing. So the new narrative used against a covert narcissist abuse victim is that they made the narcopath “their whole lives” and that is why they couldn't get over it when the narcopath departed. Well that could make sense, if it were true. That could make sense, but the problem is that covert narcissism actually exists and that victim can't get over the situation because of severe psychological and emotional abuse. Covert narcissism is real, not a myth. Yes there are actually people in the world dedicated to lying and deceit. People who don't have a conscience or remorse. People who discard and weave false narratives of abuse simply to suit their own needs and desires. Yes people who create accounts of abuse and terrible intolerable behavior that is fabricated out of thin air. No abuse whatsoever actually occurred. On the contrary, the discarded partner, the so called abuser was supportive, kind, complimentary, compassionate, and appreciative. The so called abuser was the one who was actually being terribly abused and lied to on a daily basis. The so called abuser was being ground down and sucked dry of every ounce of their lifeforce. But the narcopath twisted everything and projected all of the abuse originating from themselves onto the ex partner, the actual victim of abuse. But what about that accusation of making the narcopath not the center of their lives, but “their whole life”? Well once again a small amount of actual fact is mixed in with a huge deception, cobbled together, then presented as the truth. Make no mistake, the covert narcissist's goal was to enslave their target and make that target totally dependent on them. Yes that narcopath wanted the em path or self love deficient person or codependent to make them not just the center of their lives, but “their whole life”. However if that target ever actually did make that narcopath “their whole life”, it was not because of any deficiencies in themselves, it was because the narcopath never gave up until finally they got it all their way and made themselves that target's whole life. The very point of all of the narcissist's lies, the gaslighting, the future faking was to fully and totally manipulate and control another human being. Yes if the narc had their way they would have precisely what was described: a person who made them their whole life. No, not just the center of their lives, but their whole life. It should be stated clearly again: If such a poor soul exists they were purposefully made that way by the narcopath, not because of their own deficiencies and dysfunctional need to focus their whole life on someone else. But how easy it is to twist everything and once again blame the victim. The irony and the wickedness of it all is that once the narc has created this so called mind numbed robot they actually use the result of all of their abuse as the reason for them to discard that self same victim. Yes that is the definition of evil, of incredibly depraved indifference, wickedness and cruelty. This is possible for the covert narcissist because they don't see anyone else as an actual human being, the narcopath's victims are dehumanized and are simply seen as appliances for the narcopath to use. But the narcopath is never done. They now enlist others and tell them of that target's “issues”. Yes that target is still dwelling on covert narcissism and continues to recount the details of abuse in that relationship in videos they are making. But of course the narcopath being under the impression that they have ownership of a previous target couldn't possibly allow that person to have sovereignty over their own lives, so the narc enlists their new soul mate, or new best friend or any other person they can convince into being a flying monkey, in to handle a lingering “problem” they have. Yes the new dupe will now be helpful and try to point out to the target that they have a huge problem. Yes the victim of a covert narcissist is now told all of their problems that arose from the relationship with a covert narcissist are their fault and their fault alone. Never is there any allusion whatsoever to the narcopath having any problems at all. No, those lies, the deception, the gaslighting, the cycle of flattery, mirroring idealization, followed by the honeymoon period and the devaluation and sudden discard are a mere coincidence. Maybe those events never even occurred, are even outright lies. The target is severely deluded. Covert narcissism is a myth, or at least their interpretation of their ex as having been a covert narcissist is faulty. Yes that ex partner, the actual victim is the one with all of the problems. The victim is the one lying, making up stories, and fabricating the scenarios of that relationship out of thin air. Isn't that cute. The foolishness of these clowns is unimaginable. Yes the accounts of someone who lived something, actually witnessed it all, and was the actual victim of those events doesn't know what he is talking about, but a third party who was never even present is going by the “accurate” accounts of a covert narcissist, a proven liar one hundred times over, and presenting themselves as an authority on those events. You have to give it to those covert narcissists. This is an absolute master stroke. Their crowning achievement. The narc achieves the near impossible: they create a dupe, a clown that fully believes all of their lies and never questions. Even when given all of the information about how covert narcissists lie and deceive and manipulate their targets. Even when numerous details of what is actually going on inside the warped head of that narcopath are presented to them clearly. Even after having most of the details of the abuse that the individual narcopath perpetrated clearly described right in front of their eyes. Well maybe some narcopaths do finally find their lap dog. Good for them. But that is of no concern or interest to the victims. What is of concern is when these fools spew garbage and misinformation and use the age old technique of projection, actually putting all of the blame and abuse squarely on the shoulders of the genuine victim. Yes the narcopath is the sane one and needs to change nothing. They were the victim. Yes the person victimized by the narcopath is presented as the one who needs to work on themselves and change. Well here is the narco paths problem: Their lies and manipulations are now clearly visible. Those victims are now living in the world of reality where black is black, white is white, up is up, and down is down. No more floating in outer space or drifting in a fog. Reality bites but only those who refuse to acknowledge it. So here is the reality: Most victims did love that narcopath and make that person their highest priority and even the center of their lives. That is a function of love. But to say that narc was the target's whole life is a vast over reach. Most of those targets did have many interests in art, in nature, in science, things that attracted the narcopath in the first place. But just because a partner becomes the focus of our attention, our highest priority as is appropriate when a person genuinely loves another human being does not at all add up to that partner being someone's whole life”. So when an anon wants to give “helpful” advice about not making someone “your whole life” it is immediately seen for the nonsense that it is. At least for me. But even for those who were conned and manipulated into making a narcopath their whole lives, how dare someone even suggest that those people are to blame for that. That qualifies as kicking someone, even psychologically abusing someone when they are already down. Yes, that anon referred to with all of the “helpful” comments is real. All of the events recounted in my relationship with the narcopath are true to the best of my recollection. All of the interactions with that narco paths first new partner, the weasel that was her partner right after the discard are real. No they aren't fabrications, they are raw facts of the harsh and cruel reality that every covert narcissist abuse victim has to deal with long after that creep is done with them. So it becomes clear that the narcopath did everything in their power to break down the victim and eliminate all of their interests, leaving themselves as the only thing remaining in the victim's life. But that was by the covert narcissist's design. When the narc's strategy doesn't work and they see that the victim doesn't give everything up, that is called disloyalty or inattentiveness displayed by the victim. When the target refuses to be manipulated, that is called showing a lack of love by the narcopath, or being difficult. Ironically, the narc will often accuse someone of being manipulative when that person refuses to be manipulated. So in the end the narc moves on and gives up when they realize that person will never become a slave. The excuse being that the person was never serious about the relationship, never really loved the narcopath and had never been loyal. Sadly, those who do give in to the narcopath eventually suffer the very same fate. Only in that case the narc makes the argument that the person had no life and made them their whole lives. No, you will never be able to win with a narcissist. They will always have an excuse for what we all now know is obvious: the narc does what they want to do due to pure selfishness, regardless of the cost to others. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. Ending commentary: The power of relying on God's advice as given in the Bible can not be overstated. We rarely understand that advice at the time, but if we follow it we see the benefits and wisdom of that advice eventually. God doesn't need to be told what the narcopath did to you. He is well aware of the situation. God doesn't need your advice on what should happen to the narcopath, what their punishment should be. God doesn't need your help in punishing that narcopath. God told you what to do: stay out of His way, He would take care of the situation. Any attempt at “informing” God of what we think He isn't aware of , any attempt at “helping” God means that we think we know better than God, means that we believe our solution to the problem is superior to that of God's. Yes that narc may not suffer or pay for what they did to us and we won't be able to understand why that was allowed. Yes God does allow the wicked to prosper and the Bible makes it very clear that God is aware of the frustration that causes those victims. He understands the pain, the rage and your longing to see justice. But God is in control. He has this.

Things that the Covert Narcissist Will Never Understand and Why It's important to the Target The Goal of any covert narcissist abuse survivor is to fully heal, to completely divorce themselves mentally, physically and emotionally from the narcopath. But we all know that is easier said than done. The memories of the narcopath can't simply be erased and there are many reasons for this. The short explanation for the inability of the target to move on is that the targeted victim was not in a real relationship with a person who genuinely cared about them. But that isn't even the worst of it, not only did the narcopath not care about the target, they literally set out to use abuse and victimize that person. The result is that the narcopath turns a person they target into someone who questions their own perception of reality and their own self worth and abilities. In the end that target is a shadow of themselves and the abrupt departure of the narcopath with little or no explanation creates a deep trauma. Because of the incessant gaslighting by the narcopath that victim has literally been lured into a fantasy world. That luring was done very gradually and incrementally by a narcopath who had practiced this routine for the greatest majority of their lives with multiple victims. Thankfully some people become aware of the game being played and exit the relationship, saving themselves. But many victims have made their investment and even though they are aware something is very wrong with the relationship they persist in trying to make things work. Meanwhile every additional moment in that relationship means the target loses more and more of themselves. At the same time the narc is making plans for their next adventure with a suitable target. Yes the covert narc I was with had decided the next muse would be a military man, preferably someone living in California. The social site that narc had become addicted to was like a candy store for targets and a catalog for different points of view. A supposed liberal covert narc against gun violence would now indulge in an association with a gun loving conservative. If you take a look at this behavior from a detached point of view the bizarre behavior of the covert narc is interesting, but sick. Yes, the shopping had begun long before the final departure of that narcopath. But that is an aside. The victim is both disoriented and confused at the sudden discard coming seemingly out of nowhere for no reasonable explanation. Why? Because the target's reality was dictated by the narcissist and that false reality was slowly but surely getting further and further away from actual reality. It isn't that the victim was losing their ability to reason or use logic, it's just that the “material” that the target was working with was less and less based on actual genuine circumstances, but instead based upon the lies constructed by a depraved narcopath. The target was sane but because they were deceived they were no longer making sound decisions or plans, because those decisions and plans were all based on a foundation of lies. The narc had broken that person down to the point where they had lost themselves and wrapped their whole existence and future around the narcissist. The facts, which were of course all fake and phony facts of the relationship, were everything that the target based their reality on. When the narc departed, here was nothing left. That target's reality departed with the narcopath. Yes, now the narc would deny it all and weave an intricate tale of being abused and lied to and cheated upon. Classic projection. Yes the narc created the fake reality of the relationship and because they were the sole author of that fraudulent reality, the narcopath felt they had the copyright on that reality and could change it at will and be the final authority. So the victim is left with many unanswered questions, confused and disoriented making the narcopath's job all the easier. Yes, that victim's efforts at getting any answers or closure gives the covert narcissist all of the evidence required to convince anyone involved that the victim is the irrational one, the unstable one, the crazy one. So that is how it ends. The narc moves on washes their hands of the situation and pursues their new partnership. Clean and simple. Meanwhile that target is left with nothing, almost everything has been taken and what was left has been severely damaged. Normal, genuine relationships aren't like this at all. When both partners actually invest themselves into a relationship they both have skin in the game, something at stake. So that relationship has significance and meaning. The partner is respected as a human being, and loved. A commitment is made and genuine loyalty and empathy for that partner mean that there is an incentive to make the relationship work.. If things aren't right with the relationship, feedback is given. So in the end there is very little question when a relationship ends. It may well be that one of the partners still wants to make it work, but when that partner has put in their best effort and is satisfied they have done all that can be done, they have no problems letting go. Yes you were given a chance to satisfy that person and give them what they needed and if that isn't enough there are no hard feelings. Let another person do what you couldn't do and try to make your former partner happy. The key is that there is mutual respect and effort put in and if things don't work there is at least an earnest attempt to help each partner make a transition. If one partner cheats, they at least show genuine remorse and take the deserved anger and disappointment and resentment like an adult. Yes even in the worst scenarios where one person deeply injures the other in a relationship an effort is made to make things right, take the blame, absorb the deserved anger, acknowledge wrongdoing, and at least help the betrayed partner heal. But of course a relationship with a covert narcissist is anything but normal. So instead of a person moving on in a month or two it takes the discarded victim of a covert narcissist years and maybe decades. Why? Because the covert narcissist never fulfilled their responsibility as a genuine partner. They simply walked away from it all. This is how things work for someone that had the misfortune of having a covert narcissist target them. That victim took the relationship seriously, gave the due respect to the narcissist, and most importantly tried to adjust and compromise to make the relationship work. The narc purposefully kept that partner in an endless cycle of trying to please and that narc constantly moved the goalposts or simply altered the facts, especially when it came to past statements. Yes those past statements were edited or simply fabricated out of thin air. Statements that the narc themselves had made or even statements the target had made were altered to either create confusion or fit a fake narrative that the narc intended to construct. The end goal of all of the narc's ploys is always the same: pure manipulation of another human being. The narc sought to manipulate both that target's thoughts and actions. Yes the narc would put words into the target's mouth that they never uttered in an effort to constantly confuse and frustrate that target. Yes the natural flow between two partners in trying to adjust, trying to compromise, trying to create a harmonious future was obfuscated, confused and actually re-purposed by the narcissist to manipulate the partner. Why? Because the narcopath wasn't in a relationship at all. That narc was playing a game. They had no real commitment or love. That narc was in fact making a very minimal investment into that relationship despite outward appearances. They had no real skin in the game. That is even true in cases where the narcopath is in a relationship for decades. Worst of all the narc didn't care an iota about that person they victimized. That narc didn't care from day one, but sadly for the partner that lack of concern only became evident when that narc was finished with them and it was too much of a bother for the narcopath to leave the relationship with grace. In fact the narc even took advantage of that and triangulated with their new partner, cruelly toying with that ex partner's emotions. Yes, even love and devotion and loyalty that are no longer wanted or needed can be a source of fuel. That ex partner's pain gives a great sense of power and accomplishment to the narcopath. So it is clear that the narc had nothing of any value at stake at all, they never made themselves vulnerable. The bottom line is that the narc cared about no one but themselves and themselves alone. That harsh reality is beyond the scope of the victim's imagination at the time of discard. Only time and knowledge shed light on what was actually going on with the narcopath. Yes, eventually reality sets in but that takes time. A long time. It's all the same to the narc. It's not their problem. OK. Would any sane, rational human being be able to live with themselves after doing even once the things that covert narcissists commit over and over again? So in the end, as time goes by it is the covert narcissist's problem because no one avoids reaping what they sow, but it most definitely stops being the problem of the victim. Yes that victim can heal and even though it takes years to accomplish what would have been accomplished in weeks it doesn't really matter at all in the grand scheme of things. Yes, the key to recovering from covert narcissist abuse is to put those people behind us, to see them for what they are and to see them for the type of people that have no value if we want to go on with our lives as productive, mentally healthy, positive people. So we have to look at that association we had with the covert narcissist pragmatically, take away most of the emotions and just analyze things for what they were, not what we imagined them to be. Yes we will call that association we had with the covert narcissist a relationship, but let's be clear, the relationship was only on our side. The covert narc themselves was simply playing a game, putting on an act, seeing how far they could take things. Seeing how much lying duplicity and treachery they could get away with. Seeing how far they could take the abuse, and getting a huge thrill out of disorienting and confusing a person on an ever increasing scale. The gaslighting was all for one main purpose: to gain control and to manipulate. To make a person doubt their own perceptions, their own self image. To literally dictate the reality of another human being. If we zoom out and take a bird's eye view of that association initiated by the covert narcissist we see clearly that this association was never a real relationship at all. It was a counterfeit in every sense of the word. That association began on a false premise right from the very start, with the narcopath closely observing then mirroring a target's likes and dislikes, which progressed to the narc idealizing and very subtly flattering the target until a seemingly genuine relationship was initiated. The narc was never really interested in making a lifetime commitment, but they even went so far as to verbally and very convincingly make a lifetime commitment before any actual relationship was initiated. Yes the narc would even make the commitment to marry at some time in the future if that is what it took. But in every single instance, every word that came out of that covert narcissist's mouth was insincere deception. The narc did and said whatever was necessary. The game was initiated and followed the same pattern countless victims of covert narcissists have experienced. The devaluation and discard all eventually arrived at the appropriate times and in the proper sequence. So another damaged person whose life had been destroyed was left stranded without a clue as to what had just occurred. The covert narcissist's trademark attribute of having no remorse or conscience was on clear and indisputable full display. Just a new relationship for the narc and a bright new horizon. For the narc. End of story. Simply put that association was fake and phony from the beginning to the middle to the end. No the covert narcissist never cared, no they never loved, it was just simple posturing. An act performed for the simple thrill of getting another person to be convinced without a doubt, to believe in something that wasn't true. To believe in a reality that the narcopath constructed out of thin air. Even the persona, the person that narc portrayed themselves as was phony. Yes getting people to believe a lie is what gives the narcissist their false, self-deluded sense of superiority, of grandiosity. So what is it that the covert narcissist will never understand? Well, they will never understand the subtleties of a real relationship. The genuine acts of selflessness and kindness that are given as gifts to another human being with never a thought of reciprocation or gain. Acts of love that give a sense of joy simply because it pleases to give encouragement and care more about someone else than we care about ourselves. The narc will never have the courage to make themselves vulnerable and therefore never get the great reward for believing in another human being and sticking with that belief. That narc will never experience the accomplishment of inspiring someone to achieve something that they never thought possible simply by giving that person encouragement and support. The narcissist will never experience the sorrow, the anxiety, the tribulations of another human being or share in the great joy when that person overcomes those obstacles. The narc will never understand the meaning of giving oneself to another human being and becoming one with that person. The narc will never be able to comprehend all of the most important and subtle emotions that go into a relationship that make that relationship both meaningful and valuable and more than anything else consequential, significant, genuine, real. Yes, when a person has a genuine relationship they actually put themselves at stake. They feel their partner's pain, they feel the intense emotions when their partner experiences a tragedy. They feel the intense joy in their partner's success after that partner's intense effort st achieving something. Yes, a genuine relationship isn't a two dimensional game of chess where the partner is just another pawn and only one person is aware that a game is being played. It is an actual experience based on reality, based on investing your heart, your soul, your future, in fact your whole life into another human being. Having that person be as important to you as you are to yourself and maybe even more so. Yes, a covert narcissist might feel some of that pain or glory when they become a parent and relate to their own children, but sadly even that experience is a mere fraction of what it should be or needs to be. But don't ever expect a covert narcissist to ever have any feelings for their partner. Yes, we have to keep in mind that the covert narcissist lives a droll, lifeless, soulless black and white existence. The only subtlety in that narcopath's life is the subtlety of being a deceptive human being who makes themselves superior through treachery, deception and destruction. So what is the point being made here? Every victim that was targeted by a covert narcissist has a long way to go before they ever attain freedom from the abuse that they suffered. This is primarily because that victim partnered with someone who wasn't equipped with even the most basic tools to make a relationship work. In fact that narcopath didn't even know the first thing about what a genuine relationship requires and is composed of. The narc never even got into the relationship for any of the reasons a normal person enters a relationship. Moreover that narcopath wasn't even interested in the substance of what a genuine partner has to offer. That target was literally casting pearls before a swine. Let's make no mistake about it, that victim was not the crazy one, they weren't the unstable or irrational one. Under any normal circumstance and in any normal relationship with a person who actually cared and made an attempt to be a true lifetime partner a relationship could have been dissolved if need be and that target would have gotten back on their feet in a reasonable amount of time. That target would have washed their hands of the situation and felt lucky that the partner who was so dissatisfied with the relationship was out of their life. In other situations with a less forthcoming partner that was still not a covert narcissist, there would have been many red flags and warnings right on the surface that made it very clear that the relationship wasn't working out, that their partner couldn't be trusted. That would allow the person to pull back and make themselves less vulnerable. But being that the covert narcissist was not really in a relationship at all, was in a game , and never had a dog in the fight that narc continued their ruse up until the very end. It didn't make a difference what effects would be had on the ex partner. So the damage was done. The disorientation, the emotional pain, the self doubt, all of that was unnecessary and unneeded. But the narc didn't care at all and couldn't help themselves but to purposefully make sure that the target's defenses were all broken down. So the victimized target lost all of the tools to get themselves back. There is no doubt that the covert narcissist will never understand the pain suffering and incredible damage their act of depraved selfishness caused to their ex partner. That narc doesn't even have the capacity to comprehend most of those emotions. Quite honestly they don't want to understand and they don't care. There may one day be a time when the narcissist encounters a tragedy and loses something very important to them, but make no mistake they will never think back to any of the victims whose lives they personally destroyed and make the connection. Yes the covert narcissist will never share in the joy of another person's victory or share in another person's agony when a tragedy befalls them, not to mention all of the multiple emotions in between that are present in every genuine relationship. Why? Because that narcopath is simply not engaged with their partner. It's all a game. Yes, the narc will get immense pleasure out of causing someone else's pain and agony. Also, many a narc may have cold empathy but that is diabolical to say the least. It would be better for the narc to feel nothing at all. Make no mistake, the narcissist will one day experience the agony of their own defeat, and being that they are as selfish as they are, that is the only time it will ever have any consequence or meaning for them. The only empathy a narcopath feels is for themselves, but of course that isn't empathy at all. We are talking about genuine empathy. For the narcissist empathy is simply a vulnerability they can capitalize on and take advantage of, it's not something they can actually understand themselves. Because of that they only make use of a fraction of their potential as a human being and lose out on almost all of the opportunity of what life has to offer. Yes, they never realize their own potential because they simply refuse to engage in and commit to life as an integrated human being. But the narcopath also holds themselves back by not ever being able to recognize genuine opportunity, even when all they need to do is reach out for it. Yes the narcissist will never understand the depths, the breadths, and the scope of human existence. They'll never understand the potential of what a genuine relationship can do for a person who gives freely of themselves and receives freely from another. Sadly, the narcissist has missed out on the meaning of their very lives, their life's purpose. Yes that narc had a purpose they were put on this earth for and it wasn't to be a predatory creep or a puppet for Satan. That covert narcissist was meant to accomplish good things to achieve positive results to be a force for good. The narcissist will never understand that we were all put on this earth for a purpose and that the ultimate goal is for a person to fulfill the purpose they were placed on this earth for. That is what brings joy and fulfillment, not chasing shadows and fake dreams that will never come true and were never meant to. Sadly, the narcissist will always believe that life is merely a game. The goal of their life is very simple: Win at all costs. Yes always come out ahead and be the winner. Yes, at all costs. Mostly to others, but sometimes even the narc will incur costs if it means they win. But the main cost that the narcopath never sees is the cost to themselves. The hidden cost that they are unaware of. What is that cost? It is the cost of squandering their own life, their own opportunity of being a genuine human being. They've squandered their own existence. They've wasted an opportunity. An opportunity that they can for the most part never get back again. So it becomes clear the narc is a dead end at best or a highway to hell if we stay on that road long enough. There is no “there” there. It was all an illusion. Happiness, joy, fulfillment are not to be found with a covert narcissist and never were. Yes the beginning of that relationship seemed perfect, but that was by design. We know how it ended and any so called benefit to the target was taken back and retrieved with interest by the narcopath. Yes, mental health means we see things clearly just as it would have been if a relationship with someone we were incompatible with ended on good terms. A relationship with someone who at least had respect and was serious about the relationship in the first place. That narc can go to a “not good place” or save themselves it is of no consequence to us. We no longer have a dog in the fight. We no longer have skin in the game. We have the right to go our own way. But the important thing is we were serious, we did care, we did love. We were committers. We made ourselves vulnerable. We did have skin in the game. We did have a dog in the fight. We were all in. But that was in the past. We are off the hook and that is a very good thing. Things that were beyond our imagination that are far superior to the narcopath in every way have been shown us. We are free. We are no longer bound. That is a 100% certainty if we never married that narc. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.