Narcissists and Demons: Uncanny
Resemblance, Demon Possession, or Mistaken Identity? Narcissists
are characterized as being incapable of remorse, compassion, empathy
or love and are said to have only emotions of envy, anger, fear, and
jealousy. Narcs seem to have nothing but negative emotions and they
have no conscience or guilt when it comes to lying. Narcs know the
difference between right and wrong, but have no problem doing what is
wrong again- no guilt or remorse. Their actions towards others are
vicious and cruel and they have no compassion or empathy for those
that they hurt again- no guilt, no remorse. Narcs live in a fantasy
world with them at the center of it and they can then be comfortable
in a world where they suffer no consequences for their actions, since
THEY are in total control of this world. Narcs in their fantasy
world thrive on deceiving others and inducing them into an unreal
and warped reality that the narc creates for their victim. Any
attempt at exposing the narc's activities are met with rage and
anger. They live their lives in the darkness and do not want
exposure to the light. Many are not interested in hearing about
Christianity and Jesus. Narcs drain others of their positive energy.
So in some ways they even resemble the stereotypical vampire.
Vampires are repelled by the cross and are killed by the light of the
sun and they drain others of their life force (blood). Interesting
how some of the greatest stories and monsters are created as
metaphors for things seen in real life, making the the stereotypical
covert narcissist the ideal model for a vampire. So how do
narcs relate to demons? To do this we need to describe their leader,
Satan, and the attributes that he and his demons (fallen angels)
possess. Satan is described in the Bible as the “father of lies”
his stock in trade is deceiving people and tempting them to do
sinful activities. Satan searches far and wide for people to corrupt
and his demons are very much of the same mindset. Demons are well
aware of who Jesus is, they know He is the Son of God and in fact God
Himself and they respect, understand and fear His power. They want
no part of Jesus, because they fear Him: ( James
2:19 - Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest
well: the devils also believe, and tremble.). Satan and Demons are
devoid of love, compassion, or any positivity. They are wholly
negative, and thrive on destroying and corrupting that which is
positive. This is in many ways similar to the narcissist. Satan and
his demons are spiritual entities and their battle for the mind of a
human being is in the spiritual realm they try to drag a person away
from the truth and what is real and good in the world. The
narcissist's world is also unreal and they attempt to drag their
victims into an equally unreal environment that they
create. There is an interesting parallel when you look at
things from a spiritual perspective between being a born again
believer, indwelt and lead by the Holy Spirit (God) and the opposite-
a person indwelt and lead by a demon or multiple demons as documented
in the bible (e.g. Luke
8:2 - And certain women, which had been healed of evil
spirits and infirmities, Mary called Magdalene, out of whom went
seven devils,) posing the question if some narcissists are demon
possessed. This may be a possibility since there are various degrees
of demon possession from mild cases creating a seemingly normal
person that occasionally goes out of control to full blown major
demon possession which exhibits itself as profound mental illness.
The more likely possibility is that these narcs are simply
functioning by a combination of genetic predisposition and learned
behaviors as a result of abusive and neglectful
parenting. So are narcs demon possessed? Again, the vast
majority are probably not and are most likely suffering from the
effects of abuse or neglect as children. Two additional spiritual
aspects that may feed and maintain a narcissist's bad behavior are a
lack of recognition that: 1. this world is a battle between good and
evil and that the battle is a spiritual one Ephesians 6:12 “For we
wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities,
against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world,
against spiritual wickedness in high places.” The EXTERNAL
spiritual battle and 2. The individual is in a PERSONAL struggle
between his flesh and the spirit and
the importance of starving and therefore weakening the flesh (1John
2:16
Sunday, March 19, 2017
The Epidemic of Narcissistic
Pollution Narcissism has become a global epidemic on the
personal, corporate, and governmental levels. Individual narcissism
is promoted by the media, experts in child upbringing, schools,and
society in general under the guise of not harming the self esteem of
the child and frowning upon and sometimes criminalizing traditional,
tried and true forms of parenting. Today, I would like to
concentrate on the role a toxic, loveless environment has in the
development of an adult narcissist. This form of parenting can also
create a codependent or hyper-empathetic person, but we will focus on
the narcissist and the resultant toxic pollution that
results. One: The normal child is given both positive and
negative feedback by his parents better known as correct feedback or
as close to correct as an imperfect parent can get. The most
important element of parenting: true, genuine, altruistic
unconditional love of the parent for the child is the most important
element that can make up for the greatest mistakes an imperfect
parent can make, because the child intuitively understands if their
parent truly loves them. The knowledge of the parent's genuine love
outweighs all other mistakes, because a child that knows he is loved
has an inherent, built in self-esteem it may even be unconscious, but
this correct self esteem forms the basis of a core self that will
persist throughout life. Two: The child that becomes a
Narcissist, in particular, the Covert narc, is given at best only the
appearance of love and attention by a parent which may themselves be
a narcissist or simply self-centered and selfish. A parent that
places themselves and their needs ahead of their children sends a
clear message to the child that he has no intrinsic value. That
feeling of worthlessness is then subconsciously ingrained into the
narc throughout life. The narc has no affinity for his own core self
and considers himself worthless. This feeling of worthlessness is on
the subconscious level and the narc may not be aware of this
consciously. Whenever these feelings of worthlessness try to
surface, the narc goes into denial mode and refuses to acknowledge
them. These feelings of worthlessness are counteracted by a
grandiosity, a false sense of superiority, and an impulsive need to
be in control of the people and environment that surround them. The
narc accomplishes this by creating an artificial persona that is
presented to all of the world and even those closest to the narc are
never shown the true self. The artificial persona is all of the
things the narc isn't, all of the things the narc aspires to be or
admires. Unfortunately, it is all an act and the narc, deep down
inside knows this. The current persona of the narc is as disposable
as the people around him. So the narc moves on an recreates himself,
discarding previous relationships with no remorse when he is found
out, or the current life circumstance no longer supplies the narc's
insatiable desire for energy and attention drained from those around
him. So what about the toxic pollution metaphor?
Let's take a look at how a balanced person with a relatively healthy
psyche deals with negativity. Most healthy people deal with
criticism, or failure, or any negative occurrences in life, by trying
to understand what went wrong. This requires a willingness to
properly evaluate oneself and see where the person himself was at
fault and “could do better”. With a healthy self esteem this
honest self-analysis is possible, because no matter how severe the
mistake or flaw that is uncovered, the person always has a core self
esteem that can “absorb” the negative self analysis. In addition
the feelings of guilt and remorse which are internalized and accepted
by the mentally healthy human being help that person focus on,
accept, and analyze the mistake or flaw in themselves and make an
earnest effort to never make the mistake again or to work on becoming
a better person. So, in a way a mentally healthy person has a
mechanism whereby flaws or lack or perfection in oneself is
acknowledged and the toxic or poisonous patterns of behavior, or
thought are processed and eliminated over time. Therefore, the
person grows and learns from life and is constantly “improving”
and “becoming a better person”. The core of the mentally healthy
person is, for the most part, the person the world sees and that core
person the “real self” is what the mentally healthy person is
improving. The mentally healthy person has the ability to process
and purify negative and toxic emotions so that he can live with them
comfortably. The conscience of a person, if acknowledged will always
provide discomfort to the person until the proper changes to the
inner self are made. Not so for the narc. The narc has no
purification system. The Narc deals with his internal
toxicity in a totally different manner. He has no ability to process
these toxic and negative emotions, and there is no guilt or remorse
to even give any incentive to try to find a way to process them. So
the narc draws positivity and relatively “clean” and “pure”
energy, by draining it from other people and therefore cleanses and
dilutes out his own toxins. The toxic emotions are then poured into
the victim and slowly the victim is filled with the toxic pollutants
and eventually, the victim's “internal sewage processing” is
overwhelmed. Whether the victim themselves is filled full of the
toxins and can no longer provide the narc's sewage disposal or the
victim becomes wise to the narcissist is irrelevant. At that point
the narc is left to deal with his own toxicity and with no ability to
process the sewage, he is compelled to move on or live in his own
filth. In summary the narcissist, in the mirroring or
valuation phase, fills the victim full of fake praise and attention
otherwise known as “love bombing”, withdrawing the pure, genuine,
positive emotions from their victim. Over time, when the quality or
quantity of the positive energy gets less satisfying, the narc slowly
begins dumping negative energy into the victim , the “devaluation
phase”. There is the potential for equilibrium at this point, if
the victim is able to process and absorb the negativity dumped into
him by the narc. and is still able to deliver an adequate amount of
energy for the narc to maintain themselves. In the event that the
victim no longer becomes useful to the narc, the narc uses the victim
to dump all of his negative energy into, and extracts the negative
energy from the victim. Having drained the victim of all of his
useful energy, the narc gets additional satisfaction from being
relatively healthy compared to his victim since he is now in
possession of all that was useful in the victim. In addition, by
this point the narc has frequently already set up a new source of
positive energy, making the narc almost larger than life and
omnipotent in relation to the depleted victim.
Overcoming the Narcissistic viral
infection: PTSD, Rage, Resentment: Those who have been the
victims of the unimaginable cruelty and vicious psychological and
physical attacks from a narc and their flying monkeys are left with
many issues to deal with that infect the thought process- a
Narcissistic viral infection that can turn a once peaceful and
relatively harmless person into a person who wants revenge and to
inflict pain. The narc virus, the toxic, poisonous and negative
thinking patterns and attitudes, then takes hold in the previously
gentle person who was quite willing to turn the other cheek and let
“bygones be bygones”. So it's important to try to see why this
occurs: what causes the virus infection, how to detect the virus,
which may be dormant and not even noticeable and what can be done to
counteract the infection. Prevention is already too late.
Preventing the virus can only be done by not coming in contact with
it. Point 1 The Narcissistic virus: What is it? The narc
virus is as described above, negative thought patterns and emotions
that are toxic and poisonous. Chief among these is Envy- said to be
the root emotion of all narcs. Anger, Jealousy, Rage, Resentment,
Deceptive behaviors and speech, lack of empathy, having the ability
to know right from wrong, but deliberately doing wrong when it would
be just as much effort to do the right thing. No remorse, lying
without any guilt. Deliberate gaslighting and reframing just to win
an argument or worse, just to disorient the victim. Never any
remorse and total lack of ability to accept any blame or
responsibility for anything that goes wrong and purposely always
placing the blame on the other person. Total lack of ability to
accept criticism and a subsequent stunting of emotional and
psychological growth. The narc is at the emotional level of a 5 year
old, but has, by mimicking the behaviors of other adults, learned to
appear like they are mature. The crown on all of this negativity is
the ability to put on an act or wear a mask. The narc has many masks
or false identities they cultivate over time, but the narc will NEVER
show their true persona to the world. The narc is a fake and a fraud
by definition and has cultivated these faults to high art, only
second to their flawless ability to lie, which they are probably most
proud of. The narc is continually manipulating those around him and
wants total control of his environment. The narc has no loyalty all
the while pronouncing how loyal he is and pointing out disloyalty in
others where none exists. Lastly, the narc has a lack of some very
important emotions, the ability to love and the ability to feel
empathy, along with the lack of remorse or guilt named above and the
narc can't forgive. Point 2 How does the virus infect the
victim? First and foremost, just being around these negative thought
patterns for long enough will make them appear normal and just by
osmosis eventually be thought patterns that start taking hold in the
victim's mind. Second the cruelty and viciousness of the narc and
the flying monkeys can eventually turn a mild- mannered person, who
wants to avoid conflict at all costs into an aggressor, by breaking
the victim down and terrorizing him to the point where he becomes
willing to fight. The victim may often hold on to their humanity and
only fight defensively. But severe, aggressive, terrorism done for
long enough may over time breed resentment, and a need for the victim
to take revenge and inflict pain- so that is one of the things the
victim has to fight against. Third, even when the victim has come
to terms with the narcissistic abuse, they frequently have flashbacks
and PTSD is triggered which produces severe distress, emotional pain
and anxiety well out of proportion to the subject or event that
triggers it. Frequently the victim can become increasingly
resentful, when he realizes the extent of the damage. The PURPOSEFUL
damage that the narc, in tandem with their flying monkeys, did. My
triggers: any mention of the military, since this is what my narc
was fixated on and continually rubbed in my face, EMS workers, public
Speakers, postal workers, inventors, and veterans of all sorts as
well as social justice warriors of certain varieties that will remain
nameless. The narc I was involved with was ruthless and totally
disloyal to me in her comments on a social site and she certainly
should have known better. She rubbed her new intimate relationship
in my face in the cruelest manner imaginable. To this day she is so
proud and totally unremorseful for the willful and active pain that
she purposely caused me. I did nothing to ever hurt her on purpose
and the flying monkey's incredible attacks and aggression: what is
there to say about that. This is a person that never met me or knew
me, a person who I never did a thing to. That person attacked me in
the most vicious ways possible while being goaded on by the narc.
They shared their pleasure in teaming up and causing me pain. How
sick. So you can understand the potential for the buildup of rage
and resentment under the surface. Point 3 Overcoming the
virus This is where the only way I know of to fight this virus comes
in: the Christian part. You may have overcome the narc, either by
walking away, or maybe you fought back and at least preserved some of
your dignity and self-respect or you simply allowed time to pass
without contact and it seems you are improving. As a Christian the
saying is always “vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord” in other
words, leave it in God's hands and let God be the judge and mete out
the punishment. This may mean God judges YOU to be the one that is
wrong and You to require the punishment, not the person you have the
argument with in other words LEAVE it in God's hands. Not let God
punish your abuser. This is usually enough, but unfortunately the
narc virus is still dormant in your system and when you are in the
middle of trying to rebuild all that the narc has PURPOSELY taken
from you, and you are struggling and alone and meanwhile the narc
seems untouched and in a new relationship with the nasty flying
monkey the victim can get hit with rage and thoughts of wanting
revenge and to inflict pain on the narc and their new partner. So
right when the victim thinks they are in the clear the narc virus
takes hold of the victim's thoughts. So what to do? Here is what I
consider the Christian Remedy and what I consider the only remedy
that will work the fastest and give the deepest and most complete
cure. First and foremost focus on JESUS and what He did for you and
humanity. Second realize that your life in this world is only
temporary, if you are saved this situation with the narc won't even
be a drop in the bucket of your overall existence. Third,
continually give the situation to God and leave it in His hands again
“vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord”. Say this as many times a
minute, hour, or day as needed. Fourth, and this is crucial, since
you are NOT to seek vengeance or “take the law into your own
hands”, you need to identify the real enemy in this battle :
YOURSELF. God will handle the narc- or not, that is not your
concern. It's up to you to fight the enemy within. Focus all of
that anger and resentment against the negative emotions and realize
they are the result of the virus that the narc infected you with.
Once you focus on the narc virus, the rage, anger, anxiety and desire
to get even subside and dissipate. The last thing you want to do is
go down to the level of the narc. Move on with your life, be
patient, don't worry if the narc will ever have to pay. I have
fought that battle and can personally tell you it has brought much
peace and tranquility into my life. That, combined with a long walk
that clears the mind of toxic thoughts and emotions. This is my way
of daily meditation and my path to joy and peace in the middle of the
worst situation I have ever experienced. The narc virus may still be
present and circulating in your mind and emotions, so it needs to be
treated with the above medicine as often as it arises. Eventually
you will be fully cured. Thank You for watching this video,
comments are welcomed. Stay strong and know that with knowledge,
understanding, and help from others you can recover from narc abuse.
Remember you deserve to be happy and have joy. You did nothing to
deserve the abuse by your narc partner and it is only your
responsibility to fight the negative emotions inside of you. Put
your effort into that, and you will experience healing. Peace be
with you.
NARCISSIST HELP: Slaying the dragon
of DENIAL The Difference between Denial and Not Dwelling
on something is the difference between stagnation or even regression
and progress, mental dysfunction and mental function. Today's
population tends to think of mental dysfunction as permanent and
incurable without the help of the mental health industry and that is
true for many conditions but the body was also created in a way that
it heals itself. We have all seen the healing process when a finger
was cut or injured or when we fell and were bruised, so it stands to
reason that just like many physical injuries, many mental injuries
can also be, in part, healed by the natural mechanisms of the body
(in this case the mind). The analogy goes further in that you don't
want to try a self cure or “let nature take it's course” when
there is a clear and obvious need for professional help. That is
where the denial becomes especially dangerous. There is a difference
between a cut finger that is healing and a finger that is swollen and
not healing and becoming gangrenous. The denial in this case can
result in not just the loss (or amputation) of the finger, but
potentially the whole hand or even death with total
neglect. That is the disclaimer, but today's discussion is on
the more benign mental problems that exist from injuries to the
psyche, or that are chronically present due to our childhood
upbringing. Professionals should always be consulted if there is any
question of the injury or mental disorder not healing or getting
worse. The injured person is not always the best judge of what cure
is needed, but for the most part benign mental injuries or chronic
mental dysfunction can be addressed by “self-help” in the form of
information people learn to help themselves. Books and YouTube
videos as well as discussions with others can be helpful but you have
to accurately be able to judge your condition, diagnose the problems
in your life and monitor your own progress. That is where
self-deception and lack of clear thinking and lack of honesty impede
the healing process. That is the Achilles' heal of the narcissist
and the reason many are considered incurable as well as the reason
they never make progress as human beings. Narcissism has a broad
spectrum, so there is the hope that those with the milder form of it
can help themselves heal. The medical profession has something
called a “SOAP” approach to diagnosing problems as
follows: Step 1: (“Subjective”) gathering accurate
information and accurately assembling it. A thorough, truthful
history is needed. Accurate details, presented in as NEUTRAL a way
as possible (not assigning blame or making one person the hero and
the other the villain) need to be gathered. The key here is to be
aware that the information obtained is often not the truth either due
to poor memory or denial or lack of awareness Step 2:
(“Objective”) sorting out, assembling, and organizing the
information and assessing it's importance as well as it's
“truthfulness” or accuracy Step 3: (“Assessment”)
trying to make sense of or “tie together” all of the information
and make an accurate assessment of what a recurring problem is for a
person and try to make a “diagnosis” of what is actually wrong.
There may be multiple things wrong with the person- in fact that is
true for every person on this earth, since none of us are perfect.
It is only necessary to concentrate on the DYSFUNCTIONAL parts of a
person's mental state. This is the part that results in the person
hurting themselves or others or the part that slows or prevents
personal growth Step 4: (“Plan”) Coming up with a plan or
program to help the problem that has now been “diagnosed” or
“given a name”. This is always a TENTATIVE diagnosis. Step
5: Continually revising and revisiting steps One through Four and
always being willing to change your opinions and strategies with the
observation of “response to the treatment”. How then, does
this relate to the narc? It is in every one of the above steps that
the narc's unique way of looking at things impedes or prevents any
progress, so let's break them down: Point 1: Being dedicated to
lying and deception and subconsciously considering lying to be a
“friend” and fully embracing lying results in the narc seeing
nothing wrong with deceiving others OR deceiving themselves. This
makes accurate self-assessment, as well as assessment by mental
health professionals very difficult. No accurate history can be
obtained, if the “facts” gathered are not real or embellished to
the point of having no relation to the actual events. Point 2:
Gathering or “sorting out” and organizing MISINFORMATION is a
waste of time and potentially dangerous, because it forms the basis
for “step 3” above, making a tentative diagnosis and implementing
a “treatment plan”. Point 3: Accurate, “truthful”
feedback on the response to treatment is also not happening with most
narcs and therefore the whole healing process comes to a grinding
halt, with no progress being made. Point 4: Here is the
real tragedy in all of this. The narc tells themselves: “I tried
seeking help and it was a waste of my time” they never place the
blame for this failure on themselves. It may well be possible that
due to the lack of accurate information, the mental health
professional was deceived into making an inaccurate diagnosis and
implemented a plan that had no chance of succeeding. Point 5: Even
when a mental health professional has seen through the deception and
realize they have in front of them a Pathological Narcissist, they
are up against a mountain of resistance from their patient. They
have in front of them a patient that, by default, can't trust, knows
more that the psychologist, is not going to allow the Doctor to
“manipulate” them, and knows ahead of time that “they are
wasting their time”. Point 6: The narc is, in reality,
defending their fantasy world, because they have never really lived
in the real world and are totally unequipped to live in the REAL
world where OTHERS are as important as themselves and the narc is not
“the center of the universe”. Point 7: The narc being
forced to live in the real world after a lifetime fantasy existence
would literally be like a child, needing to relearn how to relate to
the world, to others, and to themselves. You can now understand
totally why the narc is literally “fighting for his or her life”
when someone confronts them with reality and tries to force it on
them. Point 8: Unfortunately, the change, or at least an
awareness of the problem, has to take place if the narc is ever going
to experience real healing, growth and recovery. There may never be
true love, joy, empathy, but the narc could at least be aware of the
value of those emotions and be aware of the deficiency of those
emotions in themselves. The difficulty in healing is proportional to
the degree of narcissism the person is suffering from and their
ability to become self-aware. Back to the lead statement: Denial
is pretending that something that is unsettling doesn't exist, in an
effort to lead a peaceful existence. Not dwelling on something means
you are aware of it's presence, but not allowing it to “rule your
thoughts” or “disturb your peace”. Denial NEVER addresses the
issue, therefore no healing, no growth, or regression. Being aware
of, but not dwelling on a problem makes it possible to work on the
problem, heal, and grow while at the same time not allowing it to
“steal your peace”. One method is “the way of death” the
other “the way of life” one is negative, the other positive.
Just making a cold assessment of the situation isn't it clear which
is the better way of doing things?
Mindfulness and
Technology: The Modern day person lives in a world of
multitasking. It is expected in both our personal and often also
our professional lives. Modern day technology has created many
distractions, and additional responsibilities, with the expectations
of an immediate response, making it difficult to maintain a single
train of thought, or focus our attention. To detox from this
environment means getting your mind back and being in control of your
mental and emotional environment- this requires being aware of your
thoughts , or meta-cognition and ACTIVELY uncluttereing the mind by
practicing and cultivating mindfulness. The goal of mindfulness is
to allow your mind to focus on the here and now and on a single
thing, without distraction- getting the mind back closer to the way
things were before the advent of modern- day technologies and the
distractions they bring with them. Numerous studies have shown that
excessive use of technologies, in particular smart phones,
especially smart phones in combination with social media, are
changing the way people think and are actually restructuring the
brain. The result is people that have an increasingly shorter
attention span, that are less able to focus. This is especially
damaging to young developing children. Excessive screen use has been
documented, by MRI, to produce children with brains that are smaller
that they should be- a literal restructuring of the physical
architecture of the brain and the retardation of the brain's
development. Social norms or mores take time to develop, they
have not yet caught up with internet and computer use, which became
mainstream and in common use about 1995. Smart phone use started
with the iPhone in 2007 and has really become more widespread in the
last 5 years, since about 2012. So rapidly has this technology taken
over, that the effects of it's misuse are just beginning to be felt
and the PROPER use of these devices has yet to be determined.
Combine this with social media sites that are PURPOSELY designed to
be addictive and you have an explosive combination. My saying with
regards to present day misuse of technology: “In 100 years, people
will look back at this era and consider us crazy”. These people of
the future will not have an active smartphone by their bedside that
they check every hour or two, disrupting their sleep and be
responding to every alert on their personal device immediately- at
least that is my theory. So what to do? Some suggestions of
the many that can be thought of: One: Turn off the
smartphone overnight. If you need to be available for a son or
daughter out late, leave the phone in a mode that ONLY the child's
call can be received. Two: Turn off all notifications for
social sites, or even better take a ten day brake- notify your
“friends” that you will be doing this if need be. Then THINK
about the situation. Were you able to stay away for 10 days- if you
weren't you may well be addicted. Did you feel withdrawal symptoms?
BE HONEST with yourself. If so, you are addicted and these sites are
taking you away form the real world- otherwise known as the HERE AND
NOW. Three: Think about the actual and legitimate
reasons you need to have the phone with you at all times and see if
you can't minimize the necessity for immediate response. This
requires placing reasonable expectations of responding to a text or
voice message and having clearly defined parameters where there will
be no response. Only when there are extraneous circumstances- for
example a son or daughter being out late at night will the rules be
broken. Social sites and calls from friends about unimportant things
are not considered legitimate reasons for disrupting much needed
sleep. Four: If you are addicted, get a clam shell “dumb”
phone and have a support network of concerned friends or family that
you can be accountable to. In summary, let's just
re-emphasize the here and now: THE HERE: your actual physical
location, this does not include the people or ideas or fantasy world
in that smart phone and the NOW try to keep focused on the moment.
The Bible is a little more broad in saying focus on TODAY and the
problems therein: (Matthew 6:34 “Take therefore no thought for the
morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.
Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”). Please note that
planning and preparing for future responsibilities is considered a
part of “Today”, but the main focus should be today. Excessive
focus on the past or the future is nonproductive. Not planning for
the future is also foolhardy consider the wise and foolish virgins:
Matthew 25 the five wise virgins had oil in their lamps- they were
prepared having been warned the lamps would be needed when least
expected, the five foolish virgins had the attitude of not taking the
warnings seriously and thinking they would eventually get around to
getting the oil if it was ever really needed. The foolish were caught
off guard, and by the time they got their oil it was too late. This
metaphor was mainly referring to Christ's second coming at the end of
the world, where many people will not be prepared, but it can really
also apply to salvation no one knows their last day on earth and to
think you will eventually get around to be serious about Jesus is
playing a dangerous game. Thank you for taking time to watch
this video, I welcome your feedback in the commentary as I am always
trying to improve both the content and quality of my productions. The
process of navigating through world that is becoming increasingly
wicked and distracting requires that people get back to a Baseline of
what was normal not even before technology, but before all of the
social engineering that has taken place in our society, but that is a
subject for future videos. Those of us who are old enough to know
what a more sane existence- not a perfect one WAS like have an
obligation to preserve this knowledge and wisdom, impart it to those
who have forgotten or teach it to those young people unfortunate
enough to have grown up in the age of unbridled and unregulated
technology.
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Healing from Narcissistic
Abuse When suddenly coming to the realization, the
unbelievable realization, that the person that you loved and you
thought loved you was just a false mask, a person who never really
existed, the damage to your psyche is incredibly difficult to cope
with. There is no one way to process the fact that years of your
life were lived in an unreal, warped fantasy world, created in the
mind of a mentally diseased human being. You took that person
seriously, you believed in them, you trusted them, you had Faith in
them, you thought you knew them at the deepest core of their being.
Then the sudden discard with no remorse and an instant new
relationship and they become a different person, someone you never
knew. A totally different person that you never saw before after all
of those years in an intimate relationship. The shock to the system
is more than some people can bear, the average mind wasn't made to
cope with this scenario, one in which your closest confidant, a
person you made yourself totally vulnerable to, becomes a stranger
overnight and sometimes even an enemy. This is compounded by the
fact that they are in a new relationship that has, seemingly
overnight become intimate. To add to the cruelty the narc takes
every opportunity possible to let you know how much better the new
lover is than you are and how inadequate you are in comparison. The
callousness of the narc is something you never would have thought
them capable of. The full impact of this new reality is too much for
the mind of most people to cope with, so first you tell yourself this
can't possibly be true. The narc couldn't really be that cold
blooded, after all you know them, they really are a good person,
aren't they? You keep on searching for evidence that would give a
legitimate reason for them to be acting the way they did. You make
excuses, you do whatever it takes to cover up the harsh reality that
they really never loved you. You walk around a shell of a person,
hollow on the inside, since the narc was in every atom of your being,
they existed in every breath you took, they occupied every ounce of
your heart and mind, and now they are gone, and they took everything
inside of you with them. Sadly, they took everything from you, then
proceeded to throw it in the garbage in pursuit of a new life. You
look the same on the outside, but you are only a shadow of yourself.
It takes every effort to just get through a single day. You search
for answers and discover there are people who are inverted, or covert
narcissists. You learn that it isn't your fault, what happened to
you and then you can begin to heal. You let the pain teach you and
guide you into looking at yourself and finding answers as to what
went on during the relationship. You revise every thought you had
about that person over the years and you revise the meaning of every
comment that person ever made to you and slowly you come to your
senses and understand and accept that no, the narc was never serious
about the relationship, the narc never loved you. More shocking than
anything else, you can clearly see the extent to which this person
lied to you, recalling how some of the statements the narc made were
contradictory or impossible to have occurred the way they were
presented. You then realize some of the extraordinary claims made by
the narc, that you believed, were just more fictitious constructs.
You realize that over time the narc had less and less respect for
you and along with the lessening of your value came and increase in
the percentage of lies. Time goes on and you begin to regain a sense
of yourself, rebuild, repair, heal. You have periods of relative
peace and the beginnings of happiness, then the horrible reality hits
and takes hold of you again, and you don't know if you can last
another day alive. Those bouts of intense emotional pain and agony
get less over time, but are somehow almost more intense than they
were in the beginning of the breakup, mainly because you are seeing
the situation in it's full ugly reality. You have finally got the
strength to accept the fact that that person you loved is a narc and
all that that implies. Over time the periods of happiness and peace
become longer and longer in duration. Yes you have suffered terribly
for months and will suffer for a lot longer, but then you realize
something that changes everything. Your narc has avoided punishment,
they immediately found comfort in the arms of another while you were
left alone, with no support, to cope with the incredible damage the
narc created in you. Then you realize that, for you at least, the
worst is over, you can see that each day you are getting stronger and
healthier, You are thinking more clearly again, you have grown and
maybe even benefited from the suffering. The narc, on the other
hand, is still in the world of lies and deception, self-deception,
and avoidance that they will never escape from. They have to live
with the knowledge of their terrible deeds, or continue to lead a sad
life of mental dysfunction and denial. So, in a way they are going
to suffer for their misdeeds one way or another. You have fully
healed when the narc has as little value to you as you have to them,
when you no longer believe in them or have Faith in them. When you
realize you have wasted your time with them, and that any thoughts
you have of helping them are wasted energy that they don't want,
can't appreciate, and won't make a difference. God alone can help
them, and pray for them if you like, but the narc probably would
prefer you didn't pray, after all they aren't ready to give up being
the god of their self-created world and universe.
Getting over the “What If's”
after Narcissist Discard One
of the things that tortures the Narc victim after the sudden discard
is the “what if” syndrome. What if I would have said that, what
if I would have done that differently, what if I would have noticed
sooner that something was wrong, what if I would have been more
assertive in trying to resolve issues I knew needed to be addressed
in the relationship, what if I would have breached my integrity and
done what the narc asked, the list goes on and on. “If only”,
then you would still be in the relationship with the narc, you would
still be happy (or at least you thought you were happy). This is
like being in quicksand, the more you struggle and try to make sense
of things, the deeper you sink. So how do you get out of this
scenario? What you need to do is focus on other things, once you
focus on the other things and answer some questions you won't have
any “what if's”, at least for this episode of recurrent PTSD.
Here is what to focus on, at least what I have found is
helpful. One: Was the Narc lying to you? To one degree or
another, YES. Two: Were they ever really honest with you about
their feelings, and their plans? No, they were NOT. Three: Did
they ever really want to work things out with you and have any
resolution to the problems that came up in the relationship? No,
they did not. Four: Did they ever even want to deal with the
problems in the relationship when you brought them up? No, they did
not. Five: Did they ever really love you? Well, you always thought
they did, they said they did, but there were so many evidences to the
contrary. Six: Were they ever loyal to you? No they were not.
There were so many evidences of disloyalty, that you couldn't believe
they were loyal and yet the narc turned the tables on you and
sometimes questioned your loyalty, which was never in question, by
the way. By the narc questioning your loyalty, you automatically
assumed they understood the importance of loyalty and they valued
loyalty. You never even considered that possibly the narc was just
setting up a smoke screen to hide their own disloyalty. Seven: Then
you have to think about multiple times where you were just puzzled by
the way the narc acted when they should have had sympathy and empathy
for you, they should have cared about you, they should have really
been concerned about you. What did the narc do in these situations?
They were totally cold and calloused in ways you would have never
expected them to be in that environment. So, after going through all
of the above questions and answering them honestly, you have to
wonder if the narc ever really loved you at all. When you start
focusing on the above questions with the new found knowledge that you
have gained through research on the web, YouTube, books, and
learning about other people's experiences , you realize that you were
definitely with a narc. Of course, you have to be very sure of that,
you don't want to be just accusing them of this, but when you're sure
you were with a narc, you're sure they didn't have a lot of the
qualities that a partner should have had, then you can start letting
yourself off the hook. You can stop with the “what if's”. You
tried everything in your power to have meaningful conversations and
resolve issues, the narc did everything in their power to NEVER
resolve them. You were an honest broker, you made a lifetime
commitment to the narc. The narc was just putting on an act, knowing
that they were putting on an act and just planning a few steps ahead,
so that they could make an exit cleanly, pretending it was all your,
the victim's fault. This is what the narc was doing all along. The
narc never planned on having a permanent relationship with you, and
if they did plan on a lifetime relationship, it would still only last
as long as it was advantageous to the narc. They would abandon that
commitment with no remorse when another newer or better opportunity
came along always with a good excuse for why they had to leave and
why they are the victim and you are all to blame. So let's
say the discard could have been avoided and you were still in the
relationship with the narc. Would you really be better off? Think
about it. You would still be under the impression the narc loved
you, that they were loyal, that they were honest and mostly truthful,
that they were truly committed to you. You would never even know
that covert narcissists exist. Yes you would once again think you
were happy, but were you really happy in the relationship? Not
really. On top of that you now know that the whole foundation of the
relationship was based on lies and deception, so that whatever value
you placed on the relationship and whatever comfort and happiness you
were getting was really only based on an illusion. Think about this.
You are now better off. True joy, happiness and hope are slowly
coming back into your life. Yes, you are better off. Focus on that.
What if you were back with the narc? You would still think you were
happy and just needing to work a little bit harder to satisfy the
unhappy, dissatisfied narc. Success was always just around the
corner as you squeezed yourself harder and harder and yet you never
seemed to get any traction. Is that really something you
miss? One last point to make: You still think that YOU
are the one who lost everything when the relationship suddenly ended,
but you really didn't lose anything when the narc left. Ironically,
the narc, who thinks they lost nothing, really, actually lost
everything. The narc lost true love, they lost someone who cared
about them. They lost someone who was committed to them as a human
being and dedicated to their personal growth. A person dedicated to
the growth of the relationship, and committed to the narc's
happiness. That's what they lost. What you thought you lost: love,
somebody who cared about you, somebody who would be your life
partner, you NEVER had. So just remember that, and be thankful that
the “what if's” didn't go a different way, that things are the
way they are. If you really do want to do some “what if's”.
What if you were still with that person? What if you were still
under the illusion that they cared about you? What if you went
forward even further with your relationship together and made even
deeper commitments. What if? What if you realized all of this even
deeper into the relationship? What if the narc was untrue to you
when you were even more vulnerableThank you as always for listening.
I look forward to your comments. May peace and joy surround you and
may you heal more and more with each passing day.
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