The Narcissist Has No Respect: The narcissist has no respect for anyone or anything. They don't respect their parents growing up. They don't respect relatives. They don't respect their peers. As the narc matures and is expected to act as an adult their lack of respect becomes more covert. Yes, the narc did learn one thing: to get any sort of response from others around them they do need to emulate, to fake, respect. Yes, the narc learned early on that respect is something that human beings expect from each other. Respect is given and received in a normal exchange between two people. So the narc did understand that totally and they used that fake respect to manipulate those around them. Yes when the narc wanted something from mom or dad they feigned obedience and even reverence for their parents and to not give themselves away they gradually, seamlessly reverted back to disdain once that item was obtained. The narc knew full well that insubordination was frowned upon by their superiors and the last thing the narc wanted was to let it slip that the narc never really considered those superiors even equal to them. Yes the narc considered every authority figure in their lives inferior to them from as early as they could begin to think of those around them. Only as the narc got older did that narc realize that they had to keep that dark secret of having disdain for everyone around them concealed. Yes, society frowned upon that. So yes that narc never had any respect for any human being, but they also had absolutely zero respect for institutions. The narc didn't buy into the family hierarchy at all since they never felt it was appropriate for their parents to have authority over them. The narc felt the same way about school, why in the world should they be forced to listen to those teachers when the narc, at least in their mind already knew it all. Yes that narc was always inflexible and unteachable, but the narc did learn. That learning was all on the narc's terms, however. Yes, the narc would educate themselves, picking and choosing what to study. Those studies were quite unconventional. No, their were no guidebooks or classes on being the best liar in the room. There were no AP classes in treachery and deceit. Gaslighting wasn't even a subject to be studied, because even to this day that word and all of its meaning has yet to be mainstream. So the narc did learn and learn quite well, it just wasn't learning that would benefit society. It was learning solely for the purpose and benefit of the narc and the narc alone. That learning did become more beneficial to society however when the narc realized that they needed to work for a living to get money and all of the things that they wanted for themselves. So the narc readily received their training and mastered the skills to fulfill their tasks in any job they took, but that learning was solely for selfish reasons, the side effect was that the narc actually was a productive individual. Yes, productivity was a mere unintended consequence. But make no mistake the narc milked everything they could to leverage that productivity as efficiently as possible. Yes, any good thing the narc did always had to give maximum benefit to the narc and the bare minimum to others. So typically the narc gave the appearance of building one position up after another and seemed like a loyal employee, but when that position was mined for every ounce of benefit, or a new and better opportunity arose, the narc abandoned their post for fresher ground. Yes that “loyal” narc employee was always looking for a better opportunity. The search was done carefully, behind the employer's back, and then the narc's excuse for leaving was that “an opportunity” was presented to them serendipitously, without any effort being put in on their part. Yes, it was an offer the narc just couldn't refuse. It is uncanny how the narc cheated on their employer just like they cheated on their partners. The narc is always looking for a newer, a fresher opportunity and they see no reason to allow a little thing like commitment and respect and loyalty to get in their way. Promises either explicit or implied can always be gaslit out of existence as the narc rewrites history and moves on to their new supply. Yes, the long list of employment positions is only rivaled by the narc's personal endeavors in relationships. But the narc was well aware of the need for references and was very delicate and gentle in moving from one job to the next. Yes, leaving on good terms was important, but of course the narc frequently revealed their treachery in one job or another and the way that narc dealt with those failures to fully deceive was to simply leave holes in their resume and call themselves a caretaker of an elder or a stay at home parent, or any other feasible excuse. Yes the narc I was with actually called herself a “homemaker”, O K. The reality is that many of those spaces in the resume are actually nuclear disasters that left the employer in a huge bind and required huge effort to repair the damage that was done. But the narc leveraged it all and always made sure their reputation or billboard was intact. Those messy departures from one job or another were always followed with threats and in the modern day workplace it is in the employer's interest to let things slide. After all that employer has actual responsibilities and a true commitment to the services and products they provide. The employer needs to focus on the actual work that needs to be done. So that is the narc in the workplace and the common theme there is that they have no respect for anyone that is in authority over them. They simply feign respect because it is a necessary tool to get what they want. The narc is no different in their relationships. The narc never respected a single one of the long list of partners they accumulated over their lifetime. Oh yes, the narc felt themselves quite generous if they let a current partner go gently, with one lame excuse or another. The real reason was almost invariably that a new partner was already obtained and the narc needed to do housecleaning. Yes, a clean departure would allow the narc to enjoy that new relationship unencumbered. So it's clear that the gentle release was simply because it benefited the narc. How else can we know this? Well, once the narc had fresh supply, they simply had no incentive or motivation to put effort into the existing relationship, so the narc frequently got sloppy and blew their cover. After all that victim wasn't really even worth any more effort. As a result the narc either inadvertently or by design revealed the calloused, heartless, depraved creature under the mask right in front of their soon to be ex partner. After all, that narc no longer had anything to lose. So in that scenario the narc showed their true nature and didn't feel any need whatsoever to feign respect for that discarded partner. Yes, the narc was ruthless and displayed a chilling lack of even an ounce of humanity. If it isn't in the narc's interest they don't expend any energy whatsoever on another human being. Yes, the narc actually wants to lose that partner, so why show any respect. Instead the narc puts their lack of respect for another person on full display and when the victim is exposed to that level of depravity it shocks them to the core. Yes the narc exposed themselves in the heat of the moment and this gave them an immediate benefit. But long term that narc created a problem for themselves since now there was someone who knew their secret, knew the truth. Gaslighting, reframing and a total rewrite of the past was used on the victim to confuse and disorient them. Lies, slander, treachery, and bearing false witness was used to repudiate the victim to those outside of the relationship. Yes, a smear campaign with flying monkeys is the narc's cure all for everything when they can no longer pull the wool over the victim's eyes or silence them. But a victim that educates themselves and puts together the pieces will know the narc's game. That victim will heal no matter how many flying monkeys or tools of the trade the narc uses against them. The narc's lack of respect extends to God as well. The narc may convince themselves they are worshiping God, but make no mistake, deep inside, at the subconscious level the narc believes themselves to be god. The narc will always have full authority in their own lives and never truly submit to or even admit to the existence of a higher power. In the narc's mind the definition of God is open to interpretation. Even if that narc professes Christianity that narc's god is subject to the narc's rules. Talk about the Almighty God and the rules laid down by that Supreme Being and the narc will give lip service and agree, but no way would that type of God, the true God, ever be acceptable to a narcissist. That God would require the narc's respect. No, the narc will keep the god of their creation, the god that they can redefine whenever necessary. The god that decides that everything the narc does is correct and noble no matter how depraved or evil. The god that lets the narc do and say whatever they want to do. The god that respects the narc. Now it becomes clear why a green jade Buddha is the narc's perfect false idol. So any appearance the narc gives of allowing God authority in their lives is a mere act. Yes the pattern that they show in their work and personal life extends to their relationship with God. Religion is seen as merely a very useful tool to make others regard them as fine human beings, as good people, but the pattern is exactly the same. The narc is simply counterfeiting the appearance of piety to bolster their billboard. Conversely, if atheism is considered the “in” thing with a group they want to be a part of, that narc will emulate that as well. Feigning atheism is one of the few times that the narc is portraying a more accurate exterior, one that more closely resembles what is actually going on inside their warped, diseased psyche. But make no mistake, that atheism is an act, because the narc does believe in a god and only one god, themselves. Yes, Satan has them on a tight leash and the narc never realizes that in all of their efforts to be number one in deceit, they never see that they themselves are the ones that are the most deceived. The narc's love affair with trendy social causes is easily explained since these causes are the perfect venue for the narc to disguise their lack of respect. Why? Because the narc has the perfect ability to feign genuine concern and dedication to a cause with little or no scrutiny of their true motives, and the payback to their ego is enormous in relationship to the amount of effort they expend. Yes, what better way to have society admire them than to be a supporter of a cause that is prominent with the important people of the world. Yes, that narc's inner hollow lack of concern will never be questioned in a group setting. Again it is all a matter of “doing the math” for the narc and those social causes give the largest payback for the smallest amount of input. Social causes are the ultimate candy for the narc, because these causes give the narc the most exposure, the greatest direct infusion of energy to their over-inflated and totally fake public persona or “billboard”. How incredibly sick it is to cover up your total selfishness by appearing to be just the opposite in public. True story: My ex was “passionately” championing suicide prevention on a social site, while at the same exact time she was teaming up with her weasel creep friend to try and push me over the edge. Yes the depraved hypocrisy of the narcissist takes your breath away. That calloused cretin was all of the sudden concerned with PTSD since her next target would be, and had to be a military man and that creep turned generating PTSD in her ex partner into a fine art. Those chains have now been broken by the way. The narc's lack of respect extends to institutions, their own country, and even their own heritage, since everything has to bow down to the narcissist. Nothing is sacred to the narc. The narc has no respect for marriage. Once that narc is married the obligations and responsibilities that the marriage contract imposes don't even figure into any of their plans. Why? Simply because that narc has absolutely no respect for the institution of marriage and sadly has no respect for their partner either. Marriage is simply a tool to get the narc what they want. Yes, marriage gives prestige. Being seen publicly as committed to another human being means the narc is viewed as a prime mover by society. Marriage gives all of the other perks as well, such as financial stability. Never does the narc even begin to appreciate the sanctity of the institution of marriage, the importance of it, the incredible gift it can be when done right. But again, the narc has absolutely no respect for the institution of marriage. If the narc wants an extramarital relationship, that narc will never allow a marriage to get in their way. The narc doesn't respect the family unit. They didn't respect their parents growing up and they frequently don't even respect their role as parent when they are older. Yes, a narc that doesn't take that role of parent seriously probably commits the worst act of disrespect a human being is capable of. Yes, the narc will seem to sacrifice themselves, but even with their children the narc always takes as much benefit from the role of parent for themselves as possible. Does the narc love their children? Maybe they actually do and maybe they actually sacrifice for their children, but it is never even close to the level of obligation that parenting should be. The narc just simply isn't capable of thinking more of others than of themselves. Not even their own children. I will spare a poignant anecdote that was related to me to protect the innocent about a person who actually put huge efforts into cultivating a new relationship when they should have been focusing exclusively on a child that was in severe need. So, does the narc respect the authorities, Police for example? Same as all of the above, respect is feigned because it is necessary, but only to the extent that it is necessary. Yes, my narc ex was followed by a police officer through town and finally stopped and told off the officer asking why he was following her. She felt safe because she believed she hadn't broken any laws. The narc also made a point of being close to some of the officers in town and avoided numerous tickets by taking advantage of those associations. But actual respect for authority? Not a chance. The list of how the narc disrespects everything can go on and on, but is there anything that the narc respects? The only form of respect a narc has is that which is motivated by fear. Fear of public humiliation, fear of being publicly unmasked, fear of being found out for the fake, phony frauds that they are. Only then will the narc actually give the appearance of yielding if it is necessary. But once that danger is evaded the narc will make a point of returning with a vengeance and have absolutely no mercy when they have gotten the upper hand and give their payback. Yes, the narc never forgets and the narc will never allow someone to get the last word, the narc will never allow themselves to be bested. Never is this more clearly felt and comprehended than when a narc thinks they were discarded by their partner, then resumes the relationship with that person. The sole reason for that narc to get back together with their partner is to exact revenge and make very sure that the partner is totally abandoned when at their most vulnerable. Sick but true. So the pattern of disrespect becomes clear and it is the same exact pattern in every single setting the narc enters into. No genuine respect for anything or anyone, fake respect for everything and everyone and the only goal for the narc is to extract as much benefit for themselves in every single instance. So, what if the narc actually does things that are beneficial to others? Well again, those are simply unintended consequences, but make no mistake whatsoever, the fruits of the narc's efforts are primarily for selfish reasons and the narc makes sure they are the greatest beneficiaries of those fruits. Of course no one knows what is really going on in someone else's head, so why make such a harsh judgment? Well here is a key: The narc helps many people over the course of their lives and actually can be seen as a positive force at least for a while, but then the narc gives themselves away and shows they never really cared at all. How is this? Well once a narc is done with any situation and they no longer have any use for a person or a job that narc frequently burns down and destroys every one of their positive accomplishments. Yes every good act and act of apparent kindness and concern is literally blown up leaving the partner, or the job, or others that depended on that narcissist in far worse condition than before that narc made their appearance. Yes the narc literally destroys all of the good that they have done and then does additional damage, leaving things worse off than before they ever appeared on the scene. Why would someone do this? Because they never really cared or respected and by blowing things up either on purpose or inadvertently that lack of concern is fully exposed. Yes the narc could have easily avoided doing the damage and would have avoided it if they ever really genuinely cared. Having your partner and confidant suddenly drop their mask and become a totally different person, a stranger is one of the most incredible shocks anyone in a relationship could experience, That shock is only equaled when an informed observer sees and fully comprehends the incredible hypocrisy of the narc in a public setting. Wolves in sheep's clothing, like whitewashed tombs which look beautiful on the outside, but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. Choose your metaphor. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. Ending Comment: The purpose of every human being on this earth is to glorify God. The Universe, this Earth and the people on this Earth, including narcissists, were created by God for His purposes. Yes, the narc started out as a creation of God to glorify God, but somewhere during the course of their existence they were taken over by darkness. So the new purpose of the covert narcissist is to embody evil and glorify their master, Satan. How is this possible in a world that was created by God? God has allowed Satan, sin, and the “ministers of unrighteousness”, which includes covert narcissists, to have apparent freedom to do as they please. Somehow God is using sin for His purposes, to turn evil into good. But here is the frightening thought, the narc is clearly owned and operated by Satan, but that narc is so far gone that telling them this truth won't make a bit of difference. You will be confronted with the typical narc smirk. Yes the narc is a slave to sin and totally convinced that everything is OK, totally convinced that they are in control. The narc may not even believe in the devil, but they are his puppet all the same. Just as the devil, and the third of the angels that followed him were once good and obedient to God, and purposely rebelled against their sole purpose for existence, the narc was also created to be good and worship God. So the devil, his fallen angels called demons, and all unrepentant narcissists will one day end up in the same location. No, they aren't going to a good place. The covert narc will broadcast their great compassion, concern, and empathy about an animal to the world. …meanwhile, in private, they engage in the lowest form of treachery, and depravity that a human is capable of TRUE STORY

When to Say Goodbye to the Narcissist: Putting that narcissist abuse behind you ultimately means putting that narcissist totally out of your thoughts. Yes, the narc may be dead to you in the sense that you are no longer concerned about what goes on in their daily lives. The narc may be dead to you because their opinion is no longer valid. The narc may be dead to you because they don't figure in to your plans either present day or future. All of that is a sign of healing and mental health. But the past still lingers and to put that past behind you you need to comprehend that past and fully extract all of the lessons that need to be learned from that time with the narcissist. Part of that learning experience is understanding narcissism in general and also trying to understand that individual narcissist that you were with. So why do some of us dwell on an individual that has absolutely no consequence to our existence going forward? Why do we still want to understand that person? Why are we still trying to contemplate if they were really a covert pathological narcissist or not? The actions of that person make it clear they were a narcopath, yet we still try to understand them. Well part of the reason we dwell on that person is because we still have a strong residual attachment to them, we still have feelings of love, commitment, and responsibility towards that person. We are even now still trying to understand that person because it is the natural thing that we are used to doing in an effort to bond and form a relationship with someone. So yes, quite some time has gone by and you are still trying to sort that narc out in your mind, still trying to analyze each and every personal experience that narc related to you and trying to determine fact from fiction. You still try to understand what could cause a person to become such a warped, diseased creature that is called a covert pathological narcissist. Yes, you are still subconsciously searching for and answer, an understanding of what that person was all about. You do that despite the fact that the motivations of narcissists in general have been carefully chronicled and described in high detail and you did intensive research and learning on the subject. To an outsider they may be quite puzzled as to why you would expend energy on a person that has long disappeared from the scene and is of no consequence to you whatsoever. But here is the important thing to note: if you still need to understand that person it is never any other human being's right to tell you to move on and not dwell. That advice giver no doubt has your best interests at heart and the logic behind that advice is sound. The idea is that if you stop thinking about the narc then you can heal. But if you aren't ready to put that narc out of your heart and mind you have to go against your own instincts to achieve that goal . Your instincts tell you that although the narc is over, the damage that the creep did to you is far from over. So taking that well intentioned advice from an outsider, even if they happen to have credentials is going against your own subconscious and may not be the right course of action for you. It may actually be a form of denial, a method of burying unresolved issues. Of course there is a time limit, but even that is usually proportional to the time spent with the narcissist and the level of abuse suffered. Yes, just like your body intuitively knows how to heal a physical wound, a cut or other injury, your psyche has it's own way of healing itself. Outside advice, especially by knowledgeable professionals is sometimes very beneficial for sure, and for some it is needed. For others however, we need to do what our heart tells us to do and continue pondering every aspect of that abusive relationship and the person that perpetrated that abuse, even though it is now a part of our past. So that process of pondering goes on and on and then one day when pursuing another avenue to try to gain insight into that person it dawns on you: the effort you are putting in is a waste of your time. You realize yourself that the efforts put in are not appropriate since the insight you get has no purpose or function. That insight that may be valuable in an ongoing relationship, useful to you, to your partner in trying to help them overcome their severe psychological dysfunction, and useful to having a more fluid and healthy relationship. But that insight is of no value whatsoever in your present situation. Yes, in your mind you were still in that relationship trying to understand, trying to get resolution, trying to get to a point of peace and joy for you, your partner, and the relationship. But then one day it sinks in that you are wasting your time. It sinks in that the effort is better spent pursuing other goals and possibly other relationships. Every outsider can tell you that a covert narcissist is a waste of your time, every well intentioned friend and professional, after all it is obvious. But the true breakthrough comes when you tell it to yourself. That breakthrough is the result of countless days, weeks, months, and years of daily work. Maybe even decades. So how do you know if that dwelling on the past is a part of the healthy process of healing your psyche or dysfunction? The easiest way to know is to look at the progress you are making. Are you more functional day after day, are you dwelling on that abusive relationship less and less as time goes on? Is hope and joy returning to your life? Are you planning a future and looking forward to that future, a future with every trace of that narcopath out of your life? All of those mileposts are very useful tools and allow you to gauge and monitor your progress. So yes, you are no longer concerned with trying to understand that individual narcissist because you realize it is a waste of time, but the need for vengeance can still bind you down. Now that the narc is no longer of any consequence, rather than dwelling on that creep receiving justice, you focus on your own standing with God and ask God to have mercy on you. Rather than expecting God to punish that narcissist, you focus on your own deficiencies and areas that need improvement. Yes, that covert narcissist may be dozens of times more wicked than the victim, but God's standards are different and no one is perfect enough to make it into heaven without God providing the payment for their sins. We have to keep in mind that every human being that has ever existed other than Jesus has committed sin just about every day of their lives. Sins of omission as well as sins of commission. So every human being on earth needs the grace of God, His mercy, not justice. Justice would mean to not gain entry into heaven. So if we need God's mercy, not His justice (and all of us do), then it wouldn't be appropriate for us to want justice for the narcissist. Insisting on justice for the narc in this case, means we also have to have justice from God and being that none of us are perfect it puts the victim in a bad position. As honest individuals we don't want to institute a double standard and consider ourselves special. That is what covert narcissists do. Instead, what goes for the narc goes for us as well. So does that mean the narc won't pay for all the evil they have done? Not at all. Here is the key: The narc absolutely has the possibility of being fully forgiven for all that they have done to you, have their debt fully paid so to speak, but there is only one important thing that is required of the narcissist. That narc has to genuinely repent, have remorse, and be sorry for what they did to you. That narc has to humble themselves and humbly ask God to forgive them and have mercy on them. That narc has to take full responsibility for all that they have done, not point the finger at an innocent party and bear false witness. We victims are only required to leave that narc fully in God's hands and have no concern whatsoever as to what will happen to that narc. So the narc is given the same opportunity that the victim has been given. If that narc does suffer a terrible fate, in this life or the next, they are solely responsible for those repercussions. The narc has damned themselves by their own attitude, their own lack of willingness to repent and humble themselves. The thing that upsets many victims the most is the fact that that narc will be free to perpetrate the same damage on another target that they inflicted upon them. But God is aware, God sees, and God will be the final arbiter of how much more damage that narc will be able to cause for the rest of their miserable existence. On the other hand, if the narc repents and has a genuine conversion the danger to others will have been brought to an end. Remember, the narc may think they can deceive God, but they will not be able to get away with a fake conversion. No one can gaslight God. He sees it all in high detail and total accuracy. Leaving that narc in God's hands will produce the best results and ultimately justice will be served. Justice or Jesus, and we all know that a covert narc actually changing and becoming truly humble would take a miracle. So yes it is possible, but the chances are slim to none, being that the narc prefers their self anointed and appointed godhood over any possibility of bowing to the real God. Not our problem. It is God's problem and He wants us to stay out of His way. That narc is no longer our responsibility. So yes one day you realize that you are wasting your time expending any energy whatsoever on that individual that pretended to be a human being. An individual that abdicated their humanity, but instead decided to be evil and only give the appearance of being human. Thinking about that individual covert narcissist has no consequence or significance, bears no weight whatsoever, doesn't figure in at all in the calculations and plans that you make for your future. But that is only when you yourself decide that dwelling on that narc has served its purpose in your life. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

Why No Contact With a Narcissist Always Benefits the Target: The case for no contact with a narcissist. Before we even begin let’s be clear no contact is often times not initiated by the victim, but is rather used as a tool by the narcissist to walk away from a situation and avoid having to answer for all of the evil, lies, and deceit that they perpetrated upon their partner. To the victim that doesn’t get any answers from the narc after they walk away, it may seem like no contact is the worst possible thing. Yes there is no doubt that no contact from the narc is a form of abuse that benefits the narcissist, but we aren't focusing on the short term benefits to the narc and the immediate injury to the discarded victim. Instead, we are looking at the long-term implications of no contact and how no contact is ultimately very beneficial to the victim. Does the narc benefit from this long-term no contact? Possibly they do, maybe not, but the thing that we must focus on is the victim and getting them back to emotional, psychological, mental, and physical health. What we’re trying to do is make sure that the victim regains hope in their lives and restores their faith in humanity. Those are our goals. So whether the narcissist benefits or doesn’t benefit long-term from no contact is of no consequence. The narcissist has done what they’ve done, they’ve had it their way, they’ve gotten everything they wanted, and any repercussions from what they have done to their ex partner is on them and on them alone. Yes we em paths tend to care about our partners even though we were terribly attacked and abused. Any sane person with the ability to truly love another human being and commit to them simply can't just turn off that love and commitment like a light switch. Only the narc can walk away cold turkey and in doing so they give themselves away. This ability to move on and get over a relationship instantly and have another relationship is a clear giveaway that that narc never cared or loved or committed or had any loyalty. It is a clear indicator that the narc was a total fraud. Of course the warped narc will be with their new friend and then turn around and tell the abandoned partner they were the disloyal one. The sad thing is the victim will be so distraught by the whole shock of seeing their partner remove their mask and turn into a total stranger that the partner will actually buy this totally ridiculous and unfeasible statement. But with no contact the fog begins to clear and the mind starts reorganizing itself and begins once again thinking rationally, logically, and with reason.
Once the mind is functioning and thinking clearly and the victim has done their homework and learned about covert narcissism they can begin the long, convoluted journey of discovering and comprehending what happened to them. It is essential to understand those experiences with the narc for what they were in actuality, in reality. At the time the victim had those experiences they were being interpreted in the context of the fantasy existence the narc had created and not the real world. Yes, that whole experience with the narcissist from the very first moment that creep entered their lives to D day, the day of discard and abrupt no contact is now slowly disassembled into its component parts and each part re evaluated with the knowledge gained about covert narcissism. New revelations occur daily as memories of the past are triggered by things the victim encounters as they go about their daily lives. In the beginning those memories cause acute and intense episodes of emotional pain. That emotional pain can range from a sense of dread, a sense of worthlessness and hopelessness to intense anxiety, to deep rage as the duplicity, deceit, lack of honesty, and malevolent treachery of the narc now comes clearly into focus. Some of these triggered intense emotional episodes can bring that victim to their knees, paralyze them mentally and emotionally and for that reason are rightfully called PTSD. But the victim takes each of these episodes of PTSD and uses that pain to focus their attention and work out what is going on, gaining insight into what misconceptions are causing these totally irrational feelings. One by one these episodes are confronted, like a bull is taken by the horns, and analyzed. Over the course of many months the PTSD subsides and the importance of the narc in that victim's life fades. The victim begins to understand that the narc is an irrational human being that never had any real reason to treat them as badly as they did. Slowly the victim gets themselves off the hook and realizes that the narc's opinion of them, the idealized fake opinion in the beginning and the fake devaluation at the end, were all pure fabrications and that makes the narc's opinion irrelevant. Yes, the victim's greatest mistake was respecting that narcissist. The narc's opinion was certainly never worthy of being respected, but sadly you come to the conclusion that even the narc themselves isn't worthy of any respect at all. Of course you still respect them, that is what a decent human being does, they respect all people, but certainly that narc will never again be trusted. Certainly that narc will never be believed again. Of course any narc knows that once they have been found out it's game over. No narc can live in an environment where their cover has been blown. So much easier for the narc to find a fresh supply of naive people that have never heard of covert narcissism. So yes time gives clarity and resolution and meaningful, important, and healing answers to the victim. Those answers come from research and daily work. So the victim reevaluates and begins to understand the truth of that interaction with the narcissist. Yes the victim now understands the reality of every gesture of kindness, every faux display of concern, or empathy, or love. The victim understands those were never real anyway, just gesticulations and signaling of genuine emotions that the narc learned to fake so that they could get an emotional response and extract energy from their victim. Yes the victim thinks back and realizes they had a sixth sense, a feeling that something was “off” about everything the narc did, but somehow that intuition was neutralized. The victim thinks back on the numerous half truths and white lies and now clearly sees that they were only a small indication of the true depth of that narc's duplicity. After enough time pondering that ridiculous time with the narcissist, sifting through memories and comprehending them for what they were, not what they appeared to be, the victim can slowly begin to understand the depth of the sham or confidence scheme that was perpetrated upon them. Working on the resulting rage that comes from the revelations is essential. With each success in giving that rage to God, room is made for more, even starker revelations to be comprehended. We then get to the question of is there any benefit whatsoever, after a period of no contact, of having a frank an open discussion with a narcissist to try to get some real closure. The answer to that question is no, not if that person you were with is a true covert narcissist. Now in the past I would have told you that every narc is different, that narcissism is on a spectrum and that no two relationships are the same. All of that may be true, but a true covert narcissist, no matter what portion of the spectrum they are on, will never do anything for another person's benefit. If that narc has any reasons to re-initiate contact with you it will be for solely selfish reasons. We have to remember that the narc doesn't care about you at all. The narc never did. Not at the height of your relational bliss nor at the end when they triangulated, flaunting their new partner in your face, trying to drive you off the edge. It's no different at any time with the narc , they simply don't care about you and never ever did. No, you are never going to get any honest answers or any genuine apology from a narcissist. That narc will use any occasion of contact with you to get as much energy from you as possible. The duplicitous narc I was with, came to my place of work only after her boyfriend was at risk of being confronted by me. After months of threats on his Instagram page against me, I finally made a comment on the narc weasel's page telling him it was time for him to back up those threats. Literally less than 30 minutes after I made that comment she shows up at my place of work. That cold hearted creep then told me she would apologize and say she was sorry for what she did only after I said I was sorry first. Bear in mind that narc would have faced serious charges, possible jail time, had I pursued legal action. Yes she tells me she wasn't in her right mind when she attacked me and made those threats against me to get others involved. Yes she proclaims herself to now be back to normal and proceeds with a display of insanity that would make any psychopath proud. Oh yes she is calm, channeling the new boyfriend who taught her to control her emotions. Funny, I thought it was I who taught her to be calm and collected. Well anyway, I had already begun understanding covert narcissism and the display of duplicity that unfolded in front of me, with me being totally aware of every lie she was speaking was quite an experience on my end. I stared her straight in the eyes and almost like watching a movie, with “detached amusement” I closely observed that sick covert narc ply her trade. She fired off one lie after another with precision, one outrageous tale after another. She never flinched but I stared into those eyes and even knowing that I was seeing through her duplicity she continued lying, but then there was a tell. Her eyes began twitching when she realized I wasn't buying any of what she was saying. I wasn't the same person who would graciously take every thing she told me “on faith”. But her tenacity, her devotion to lying was unabated. She kept going. Yes her gift of “closure” to me was bald faced gaslighting in an attempt to further abuse and disorient a person who was barely holding on. She then told me never to contact her again, thinking that she had once again come out on top. The arrogance of that creep was astounding and only now, many months later, have I finally understood that this cretin's arrogance was always present throughout the relationship and throughout her life. Every story she ever told me about her experiences as a child and those road confrontations she seemed to always have, showed a consistent pattern. That of a self centered, arrogant, immature, covert narcissist that would never listen to anyone, that always had to win. After all she was a queen, superior to all of those around her. Why didn't her mother and her siblings and her step fathers ever understand that? Yes in the past as a token of love I overlooked those small lies since I soon realized it was impossible to confront her with them anyway. But her mistake was to think that she was actually convincing me. Of course she was getting away with the greater lies, the lies of making me believe she was serious about a lifetime commitment that she had made to me. Was my experience unique? I doubt it. So it becomes clear that there will be absolutely no benefit to the victim of ever seeing that narc again. There will be absolutely no straight answers given and at the end the narc will have used that encounter to heap more abuse on the victim. That is if they can get away with it. So let’s be clear, if you want to get a second dose of a narcissist and you want to think that your particular situation is different from all the others you’re more than welcome to jump into that cesspool and think that you’re going to get out spotlessly clean. It won’t happen. But for some they have to try and to those who do try I will only say one thing: guard your heart, your soul, and your mind. Give it a try and prove that your situation was different than all the others. Prove to yourself that your partner wasn’t truly a covert narcissist. If that partner wasn't a covert narc you may well come away with some closure, with some satisfaction that your ex truly was remorseful for their actions. But nothing good will ever come from an encounter with a covert narc after a period of no contact. Especially if that narc wants to resume the relationship and you are foolish enough to believe they truly loved you. That's another anecdote I could share, but not today. So does no contact benefit the narcissist? Maybe it does, but then again maybe it doesn’t. Clearly no contact benefits the narcissist after having abused and attacked a victim and the narc's true inner self becomes exposed. An aware victim is the narc's worst enemy, because facing that person means the narc now has limited abilities to gaslight. A narc will never meet someone head to head on an even playing field. That narc's bag of tricks has now been emptied of much of it's contents and they are now out in the open. Yes the narc carefully honed their feigned outrage when they were suspected of having lied or cheated, even if it was right in front of their partner. So we now understand that the narc always has to maintain their capacity for gaslighting and lying even in unimportant things. Why? Because it keeps the narc in practice and creates an environment that conditions the victim to accept the more important gaslighting and lying when it is necessary. Here are some fictional examples that I have created from my imagination that are based on experience. Yes the narc would get through with a session with their secret lover either online or in real life and have a whole list of gesturing and facial expressions pre-planned if anyone even suspected anything at all. The narc would take a liking to the mailman and then cover up the fling by calling that mailman ugly, old, and incompetent. That narcissist fool never realizing she was the talk of the town. The narc would take a liking to a stay at home dad, a lazy fool who took advantage of his baby mamma and lived off of his parent's wealth, and immediately see an opportunity that they couldn't pass up. That situation was an easy one for the narc, there was plenty of opportunity to be clandestine. The narcissist fool never realized people knew and saw, and that narc's reputation spread far and wide. Yes that is why we can call narc's cretins. Thinking themselves wise they become fools and give themselves away. Sometimes in big ways, other times by little tells that have huge significance. So of course in public she feigned hardly knowing or even disliking her secret lover. But those secret glances that the narc thought went unnoticed were keenly observed by those around them. Yes, even the responsibility of being a mother or father was shirked and taken advantage of for the narc's gain. Sad. But these are fictional examples. I could go on about the generic narc's reputation in the workforce but I will stop here. The key is to understand that the more adamant the narc is about something the more likely they are hiding something. Or at least think they are hiding something. Many husbands or wives just give up and take to the bottle or other sedatives until a feasible exit is found. We do all sorts of things for the children. Anyway, when these methods have been exposed the narc is left very vulnerable and this disorients them. Their solution is to simply refuse contact with the victim and make up a story about the victim being the abuser. That is where flying monkeys and new male knights in shining armor or female angelic saviors become essential. The narc absolutely has to build a new fantasy existence that they can once again feel comfortable in. The narc finds it impossible to live in the real world where they have no advantages over those who surround them. The narc can only exist in a world where they make the rules and they have built a false persona. So yes the narc will benefit from no contact in the short term, no doubt about it. But the implications of that quick fix will eventually fall in on them. The victim on the other hand will get the real tangible long term benefits of no contact. Most victims needed closure, needed some answers, needed to process the facts so that they could at least comprehend what went wrong, learn and not repeat the same mistake. But the narc wouldn't allow it. The reason is clear to those of us who have studied covert narcissism. The narc knew that any close scrutiny would reveal the scope of the fraud that the narc had perpetrated on their partner. So the narc left and thought themselves the winner. The victim is then left with the colossal task of finding answers on their own. That journey can take weeks, months, years and even decades if the victim is lucky enough to survive. Some don't. Sadly the narc could care less and might even consider themselves powerful for having had such a dramatic impact in another person's life. So no, the victim sees very little benefit from no contact initially, but the tables turn over time. Long term the narc loses and the victim benefits from no contact. How and why? Well the narc has a debt to pay to that victim. The narc was supposed to be like any human being and think about their actions, do some close self-examination and introspection, and feel remorse for what they did. That narc should have felt the need to make things right or at least if nothing else admit that they were wrong and make an apology. But the narc refused and pretended nothing ever happened. So that debt was never paid or even acknowledged, but even a narc, who may not have a conscience, is aware of that debt. That narc can convince themselves the debt doesn't exist but that doesn't make it so. Denial of something doesn't make it go away. So the narc goes through life incurring more and more debt and continuing their same method of burying the truth by denial. But that debt just keeps on accruing interest. In the end it becomes impossible for the narc to make amends. Too much time has passed and sadly the narc has locked themselves into a behavior pattern that they are a slave to, that they can't escape. So the narc goes deeper and deeper into the abyss, having to make more and more excuses, having to deny more and more portions of their existence, having to perpetrate ever increasing fraud on those around them. So the narc robs themselves of any genuine accomplishments or any peace or any joy. The narc does this to themselves and that no contact which seemed so enticing and a comprehensive solution to their problem was just a quick fix that got the narc into even deeper debt and trouble. So it becomes clear why covert narcissists are miserable people that deny anyone around them a genuine compliment or an ounce of respect. The narc is miserable with themselves and as life goes on they become more and more miserable. But the worst is yet to come. That is in the afterlife since no, we don't just simply cease to exist. That is a frightening prospect and many a narcissist is fully aware of it and yet they refuse to be saved from this terrible fate. The victim on the other hand has nothing but benefits from no contact. The victim does examine the situation, and do the work, and has introspection. The victim was willing to accept blame and more importantly, the victim tried desperately to at least get some resolution with their partner. The victim does benefit from no contact in so many ways. First, just eliminating the toxic environment created by the narcissist will eventually allow the victim's natural tendency to be more positive about life reinstate itself. Second, eliminating that false fantasy existence from the victim's environment eventually allows the victim to live in a world of reality, to see things clearly once again. Like a fog lifting. The victim will eventually get the answers they require and will eventually grow and learn from that experience with the narc. The victim will once again be able to generate their own inner joy and peace and find hope and even faith. Yes, all of these things take time, but the no contact allows that healing to take place. So we can view that victim a few days and weeks after the discard by a narcissist and be gravely concerned about that person. Yes that narc with their new “friend' is enjoying themselves and telling the world they were the ones who survived abuse, while the victim is unable to eat for weeks and is barely functioning. But months and years later we see a different scene. That victim has learned and become victorious. That victim has now understood what is important in a relationship and in life and that victim, whether alone or with someone, has hope for the future and has stability in the present. That victim understands the importance of being positive and eliminating toxic people from their lives. So yes long term the victim can be and should be victorious. But that requires doing the work. Understanding narcissism, totally eliminating the need for vengeance, and not even being concerned if the narc will ever pay for all that they have done. Yes the victim has moved on, just like the narc told them to do, so that the narc could enjoy that new instant boyfriend in peace. Yes the narc was well along the process of setting themselves up before that discard and only needed to feign victim status and suffering. So, keep in mind in the long term the victim is the one that reaps the benefits and the narc is the one that pays. I listened to God and followed the directions set forth in the Bible. Many will say they have no interest in the Christian perspective, but these people face a very real problem. When a person has an illness that needs to be cured the most important route to cure that patient is to find the cause of the illness and treat that. Yes, there are many quick fixes that will mask the symptoms and give some short term and even long term benefits. Yes, many people can go through life thinking they have their illness under control. But the ultimate cure for any condition is to find the actual cause of that illness and treat the actual cause, not the symptoms. The treatment is instituted and the person goes on with life medication free. Narcissism is a condition of the heart and in many ways goes into the spirit realm. It forces people to look inside themselves, it focuses people on the motivations of humans in general and it brings to light the difference between children of the light who follow God's will in their lives and the slaves of Satan, the children of darkness that are fooled by Satan into believing they are getting it all their way. Eliminating the spiritual aspects of narcissism means there will never be any comprehensive understanding of how to cure the patient. Teaching that victim how to fish and have fish for a lifetime instead of giving them a fish every day is the goal. So, if the victim has healed, the narc owes them nothing, God will repay that victim and restore everything the narcissist took and even give more. The narc doesn't owe the victim at all any more, they owe God, and the payment of that debt is in God's hands and His alone. That is the Christian point of view. Yes, it's not up to the victim to decide how the narc will pay that debt. That isn't the victim's problem and God has specifically told them to not make it their problem. God promises to take care of the narc. The narc will pay that debt, one way or another. The victim is instructed to rest easy, heal themselves and have peace. The victim is relieved of that heavy burden. So yes no contact always benefits the victim, not the covert narcissist. …...Eventually. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.
Why No Contact With a Narcissist Always Benefits the Target: The case for no contact with a narcissist. Before we even begin let’s be clear no contact is often times not initiated by the victim, but is rather used as a tool by the narcissist to walk away from a situation and avoid having to answer for all of the evil, lies, and deceit that they perpetrated upon their partner. To the victim that doesn’t get any answers from the narc after they walk away, it may seem like no contact is the worst possible thing. Yes there is no doubt that no contact from the narc is a form of abuse that benefits the narcissist, but we aren't focusing on the short term benefits to the narc and the immediate injury to the discarded victim. Instead, we are looking at the long-term implications of no contact and how no contact is ultimately very beneficial to the victim. Does the narc benefit from this long-term no contact? Possibly they do, maybe not, but the thing that we must focus on is the victim and getting them back to emotional, psychological, mental, and physical health. What we’re trying to do is make sure that the victim regains hope in their lives and restores their faith in humanity. Those are our goals. So whether the narcissist benefits or doesn’t benefit long-term from no contact is of no consequence. The narcissist has done what they’ve done, they’ve had it their way, they’ve gotten everything they wanted, and any repercussions from what they have done to their ex partner is on them and on them alone. Yes we em paths tend to care about our partners even though we were terribly attacked and abused. Any sane person with the ability to truly love another human being and commit to them simply can't just turn off that love and commitment like a light switch. Only the narc can walk away cold turkey and in doing so they give themselves away. This ability to move on and get over a relationship instantly and have another relationship is a clear giveaway that that narc never cared or loved or committed or had any loyalty. It is a clear indicator that the narc was a total fraud. Of course the warped narc will be with their new friend and then turn around and tell the abandoned partner they were the disloyal one. The sad thing is the victim will be so distraught by the whole shock of seeing their partner remove their mask and turn into a total stranger that the partner will actually buy this totally ridiculous and unfeasible statement. But with no contact the fog begins to clear and the mind starts reorganizing itself and begins once again thinking rationally, logically, and with reason.
Once the mind is functioning and thinking clearly and the victim has done their homework and learned about covert narcissism they can begin the long, convoluted journey of discovering and comprehending what happened to them. It is essential to understand those experiences with the narc for what they were in actuality, in reality. At the time the victim had those experiences they were being interpreted in the context of the fantasy existence the narc had created and not the real world. Yes, that whole experience with the narcissist from the very first moment that creep entered their lives to D day, the day of discard and abrupt no contact is now slowly disassembled into its component parts and each part re evaluated with the knowledge gained about covert narcissism. New revelations occur daily as memories of the past are triggered by things the victim encounters as they go about their daily lives. In the beginning those memories cause acute and intense episodes of emotional pain. That emotional pain can range from a sense of dread, a sense of worthlessness and hopelessness to intense anxiety, to deep rage as the duplicity, deceit, lack of honesty, and malevolent treachery of the narc now comes clearly into focus. Some of these triggered intense emotional episodes can bring that victim to their knees, paralyze them mentally and emotionally and for that reason are rightfully called PTSD. But the victim takes each of these episodes of PTSD and uses that pain to focus their attention and work out what is going on, gaining insight into what misconceptions are causing these totally irrational feelings. One by one these episodes are confronted, like a bull is taken by the horns, and analyzed. Over the course of many months the PTSD subsides and the importance of the narc in that victim's life fades. The victim begins to understand that the narc is an irrational human being that never had any real reason to treat them as badly as they did. Slowly the victim gets themselves off the hook and realizes that the narc's opinion of them, the idealized fake opinion in the beginning and the fake devaluation at the end, were all pure fabrications and that makes the narc's opinion irrelevant. Yes, the victim's greatest mistake was respecting that narcissist. The narc's opinion was certainly never worthy of being respected, but sadly you come to the conclusion that even the narc themselves isn't worthy of any respect at all. Of course you still respect them, that is what a decent human being does, they respect all people, but certainly that narc will never again be trusted. Certainly that narc will never be believed again. Of course any narc knows that once they have been found out it's game over. No narc can live in an environment where their cover has been blown. So much easier for the narc to find a fresh supply of naive people that have never heard of covert narcissism. So yes time gives clarity and resolution and meaningful, important, and healing answers to the victim. Those answers come from research and daily work. So the victim reevaluates and begins to understand the truth of that interaction with the narcissist. Yes the victim now understands the reality of every gesture of kindness, every faux display of concern, or empathy, or love. The victim understands those were never real anyway, just gesticulations and signaling of genuine emotions that the narc learned to fake so that they could get an emotional response and extract energy from their victim. Yes the victim thinks back and realizes they had a sixth sense, a feeling that something was “off” about everything the narc did, but somehow that intuition was neutralized. The victim thinks back on the numerous half truths and white lies and now clearly sees that they were only a small indication of the true depth of that narc's duplicity. After enough time pondering that ridiculous time with the narcissist, sifting through memories and comprehending them for what they were, not what they appeared to be, the victim can slowly begin to understand the depth of the sham or confidence scheme that was perpetrated upon them. Working on the resulting rage that comes from the revelations is essential. With each success in giving that rage to God, room is made for more, even starker revelations to be comprehended. We then get to the question of is there any benefit whatsoever, after a period of no contact, of having a frank an open discussion with a narcissist to try to get some real closure. The answer to that question is no, not if that person you were with is a true covert narcissist. Now in the past I would have told you that every narc is different, that narcissism is on a spectrum and that no two relationships are the same. All of that may be true, but a true covert narcissist, no matter what portion of the spectrum they are on, will never do anything for another person's benefit. If that narc has any reasons to re-initiate contact with you it will be for solely selfish reasons. We have to remember that the narc doesn't care about you at all. The narc never did. Not at the height of your relational bliss nor at the end when they triangulated, flaunting their new partner in your face, trying to drive you off the edge. It's no different at any time with the narc , they simply don't care about you and never ever did. No, you are never going to get any honest answers or any genuine apology from a narcissist. That narc will use any occasion of contact with you to get as much energy from you as possible. The duplicitous narc I was with, came to my place of work only after her boyfriend was at risk of being confronted by me. After months of threats on his Instagram page against me, I finally made a comment on the narc weasel's page telling him it was time for him to back up those threats. Literally less than 30 minutes after I made that comment she shows up at my place of work. That cold hearted creep then told me she would apologize and say she was sorry for what she did only after I said I was sorry first. Bear in mind that narc would have faced serious charges, possible jail time, had I pursued legal action. Yes she tells me she wasn't in her right mind when she attacked me and made those threats against me to get others involved. Yes she proclaims herself to now be back to normal and proceeds with a display of insanity that would make any psychopath proud. Oh yes she is calm, channeling the new boyfriend who taught her to control her emotions. Funny, I thought it was I who taught her to be calm and collected. Well anyway, I had already begun understanding covert narcissism and the display of duplicity that unfolded in front of me, with me being totally aware of every lie she was speaking was quite an experience on my end. I stared her straight in the eyes and almost like watching a movie, with “detached amusement” I closely observed that sick covert narc ply her trade. She fired off one lie after another with precision, one outrageous tale after another. She never flinched but I stared into those eyes and even knowing that I was seeing through her duplicity she continued lying, but then there was a tell. Her eyes began twitching when she realized I wasn't buying any of what she was saying. I wasn't the same person who would graciously take every thing she told me “on faith”. But her tenacity, her devotion to lying was unabated. She kept going. Yes her gift of “closure” to me was bald faced gaslighting in an attempt to further abuse and disorient a person who was barely holding on. She then told me never to contact her again, thinking that she had once again come out on top. The arrogance of that creep was astounding and only now, many months later, have I finally understood that this cretin's arrogance was always present throughout the relationship and throughout her life. Every story she ever told me about her experiences as a child and those road confrontations she seemed to always have, showed a consistent pattern. That of a self centered, arrogant, immature, covert narcissist that would never listen to anyone, that always had to win. After all she was a queen, superior to all of those around her. Why didn't her mother and her siblings and her step fathers ever understand that? Yes in the past as a token of love I overlooked those small lies since I soon realized it was impossible to confront her with them anyway. But her mistake was to think that she was actually convincing me. Of course she was getting away with the greater lies, the lies of making me believe she was serious about a lifetime commitment that she had made to me. Was my experience unique? I doubt it. So it becomes clear that there will be absolutely no benefit to the victim of ever seeing that narc again. There will be absolutely no straight answers given and at the end the narc will have used that encounter to heap more abuse on the victim. That is if they can get away with it. So let’s be clear, if you want to get a second dose of a narcissist and you want to think that your particular situation is different from all the others you’re more than welcome to jump into that cesspool and think that you’re going to get out spotlessly clean. It won’t happen. But for some they have to try and to those who do try I will only say one thing: guard your heart, your soul, and your mind. Give it a try and prove that your situation was different than all the others. Prove to yourself that your partner wasn’t truly a covert narcissist. If that partner wasn't a covert narc you may well come away with some closure, with some satisfaction that your ex truly was remorseful for their actions. But nothing good will ever come from an encounter with a covert narc after a period of no contact. Especially if that narc wants to resume the relationship and you are foolish enough to believe they truly loved you. That's another anecdote I could share, but not today. So does no contact benefit the narcissist? Maybe it does, but then again maybe it doesn’t. Clearly no contact benefits the narcissist after having abused and attacked a victim and the narc's true inner self becomes exposed. An aware victim is the narc's worst enemy, because facing that person means the narc now has limited abilities to gaslight. A narc will never meet someone head to head on an even playing field. That narc's bag of tricks has now been emptied of much of it's contents and they are now out in the open. Yes the narc carefully honed their feigned outrage when they were suspected of having lied or cheated, even if it was right in front of their partner. So we now understand that the narc always has to maintain their capacity for gaslighting and lying even in unimportant things. Why? Because it keeps the narc in practice and creates an environment that conditions the victim to accept the more important gaslighting and lying when it is necessary. Here are some fictional examples that I have created from my imagination that are based on experience. Yes the narc would get through with a session with their secret lover either online or in real life and have a whole list of gesturing and facial expressions pre-planned if anyone even suspected anything at all. The narc would take a liking to the mailman and then cover up the fling by calling that mailman ugly, old, and incompetent. That narcissist fool never realizing she was the talk of the town. The narc would take a liking to a stay at home dad, a lazy fool who took advantage of his baby mamma and lived off of his parent's wealth, and immediately see an opportunity that they couldn't pass up. That situation was an easy one for the narc, there was plenty of opportunity to be clandestine. The narcissist fool never realized people knew and saw, and that narc's reputation spread far and wide. Yes that is why we can call narc's cretins. Thinking themselves wise they become fools and give themselves away. Sometimes in big ways, other times by little tells that have huge significance. So of course in public she feigned hardly knowing or even disliking her secret lover. But those secret glances that the narc thought went unnoticed were keenly observed by those around them. Yes, even the responsibility of being a mother or father was shirked and taken advantage of for the narc's gain. Sad. But these are fictional examples. I could go on about the generic narc's reputation in the workforce but I will stop here. The key is to understand that the more adamant the narc is about something the more likely they are hiding something. Or at least think they are hiding something. Many husbands or wives just give up and take to the bottle or other sedatives until a feasible exit is found. We do all sorts of things for the children. Anyway, when these methods have been exposed the narc is left very vulnerable and this disorients them. Their solution is to simply refuse contact with the victim and make up a story about the victim being the abuser. That is where flying monkeys and new male knights in shining armor or female angelic saviors become essential. The narc absolutely has to build a new fantasy existence that they can once again feel comfortable in. The narc finds it impossible to live in the real world where they have no advantages over those who surround them. The narc can only exist in a world where they make the rules and they have built a false persona. So yes the narc will benefit from no contact in the short term, no doubt about it. But the implications of that quick fix will eventually fall in on them. The victim on the other hand will get the real tangible long term benefits of no contact. Most victims needed closure, needed some answers, needed to process the facts so that they could at least comprehend what went wrong, learn and not repeat the same mistake. But the narc wouldn't allow it. The reason is clear to those of us who have studied covert narcissism. The narc knew that any close scrutiny would reveal the scope of the fraud that the narc had perpetrated on their partner. So the narc left and thought themselves the winner. The victim is then left with the colossal task of finding answers on their own. That journey can take weeks, months, years and even decades if the victim is lucky enough to survive. Some don't. Sadly the narc could care less and might even consider themselves powerful for having had such a dramatic impact in another person's life. So no, the victim sees very little benefit from no contact initially, but the tables turn over time. Long term the narc loses and the victim benefits from no contact. How and why? Well the narc has a debt to pay to that victim. The narc was supposed to be like any human being and think about their actions, do some close self-examination and introspection, and feel remorse for what they did. That narc should have felt the need to make things right or at least if nothing else admit that they were wrong and make an apology. But the narc refused and pretended nothing ever happened. So that debt was never paid or even acknowledged, but even a narc, who may not have a conscience, is aware of that debt. That narc can convince themselves the debt doesn't exist but that doesn't make it so. Denial of something doesn't make it go away. So the narc goes through life incurring more and more debt and continuing their same method of burying the truth by denial. But that debt just keeps on accruing interest. In the end it becomes impossible for the narc to make amends. Too much time has passed and sadly the narc has locked themselves into a behavior pattern that they are a slave to, that they can't escape. So the narc goes deeper and deeper into the abyss, having to make more and more excuses, having to deny more and more portions of their existence, having to perpetrate ever increasing fraud on those around them. So the narc robs themselves of any genuine accomplishments or any peace or any joy. The narc does this to themselves and that no contact which seemed so enticing and a comprehensive solution to their problem was just a quick fix that got the narc into even deeper debt and trouble. So it becomes clear why covert narcissists are miserable people that deny anyone around them a genuine compliment or an ounce of respect. The narc is miserable with themselves and as life goes on they become more and more miserable. But the worst is yet to come. That is in the afterlife since no, we don't just simply cease to exist. That is a frightening prospect and many a narcissist is fully aware of it and yet they refuse to be saved from this terrible fate. The victim on the other hand has nothing but benefits from no contact. The victim does examine the situation, and do the work, and has introspection. The victim was willing to accept blame and more importantly, the victim tried desperately to at least get some resolution with their partner. The victim does benefit from no contact in so many ways. First, just eliminating the toxic environment created by the narcissist will eventually allow the victim's natural tendency to be more positive about life reinstate itself. Second, eliminating that false fantasy existence from the victim's environment eventually allows the victim to live in a world of reality, to see things clearly once again. Like a fog lifting. The victim will eventually get the answers they require and will eventually grow and learn from that experience with the narc. The victim will once again be able to generate their own inner joy and peace and find hope and even faith. Yes, all of these things take time, but the no contact allows that healing to take place. So we can view that victim a few days and weeks after the discard by a narcissist and be gravely concerned about that person. Yes that narc with their new “friend' is enjoying themselves and telling the world they were the ones who survived abuse, while the victim is unable to eat for weeks and is barely functioning. But months and years later we see a different scene. That victim has learned and become victorious. That victim has now understood what is important in a relationship and in life and that victim, whether alone or with someone, has hope for the future and has stability in the present. That victim understands the importance of being positive and eliminating toxic people from their lives. So yes long term the victim can be and should be victorious. But that requires doing the work. Understanding narcissism, totally eliminating the need for vengeance, and not even being concerned if the narc will ever pay for all that they have done. Yes the victim has moved on, just like the narc told them to do, so that the narc could enjoy that new instant boyfriend in peace. Yes the narc was well along the process of setting themselves up before that discard and only needed to feign victim status and suffering. So, keep in mind in the long term the victim is the one that reaps the benefits and the narc is the one that pays. I listened to God and followed the directions set forth in the Bible. Many will say they have no interest in the Christian perspective, but these people face a very real problem. When a person has an illness that needs to be cured the most important route to cure that patient is to find the cause of the illness and treat that. Yes, there are many quick fixes that will mask the symptoms and give some short term and even long term benefits. Yes, many people can go through life thinking they have their illness under control. But the ultimate cure for any condition is to find the actual cause of that illness and treat the actual cause, not the symptoms. The treatment is instituted and the person goes on with life medication free. Narcissism is a condition of the heart and in many ways goes into the spirit realm. It forces people to look inside themselves, it focuses people on the motivations of humans in general and it brings to light the difference between children of the light who follow God's will in their lives and the slaves of Satan, the children of darkness that are fooled by Satan into believing they are getting it all their way. Eliminating the spiritual aspects of narcissism means there will never be any comprehensive understanding of how to cure the patient. Teaching that victim how to fish and have fish for a lifetime instead of giving them a fish every day is the goal. So, if the victim has healed, the narc owes them nothing, God will repay that victim and restore everything the narcissist took and even give more. The narc doesn't owe the victim at all any more, they owe God, and the payment of that debt is in God's hands and His alone. That is the Christian point of view. Yes, it's not up to the victim to decide how the narc will pay that debt. That isn't the victim's problem and God has specifically told them to not make it their problem. God promises to take care of the narc. The narc will pay that debt, one way or another. The victim is instructed to rest easy, heal themselves and have peace. The victim is relieved of that heavy burden. So yes no contact always benefits the victim, not the covert narcissist. …...Eventually. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

The Tragedy of Covert Narcissism: We all know about narcissism because it’s widespread in the modern popular culture that we encounter in our every day lives. Yes narcissism is considered normal and possibly even a desirable trait. Some people actually admire the brash swagger and haughty glance of a narcissist told by society that they are special. Many of these pop icons are anything but special. They are in fact oftentimes the bottom of the barrel of society with no real abilities or accomplishments to speak of. But they are famous and to the superficial of the world that is enough. So is it any wonder that the average person thinks it appropriate to emulate these narcissists. Yes in our society the more you think of yourself the more value you have. It seems that in the past few decades parents have been in a mad rush to give their children just a slight edge over their peers by pumping their own children full of self esteem. Yes these children are praised into the heavens regardless of their accomplishments and the resulting over-inflated ego and sense of self is not a pretty sight. At least to those of us who are sane enough to realize the value of humility and accurate self assessment. This is the narcissism people are aware of, the overt type, the type many of us think is the only type until the day we encounter the serpent in human flesh called a covert narcissist. Yes the overt narcissist is aware of their narcissism and everyone they come in contact with is aware of it as well. You take these overt narcs or leave them but at least there is no question about what you are dealing with. Covert narcissism may share the label of narcissism, but it is an altogether different condition of the heart and soul. Covert narcissism is a malignancy, a pathology that destroys every person that has the misfortune of coming in contact with it. It is the evil twin of overt narcissism. Overt narcissism is out in the open, covert narcissism is by it's very nature, undetectable to the outside observer and possibly the covert narc isn't even fully aware of the scope of their own condition. Many a covert narc considers themselves noble and righteous and just thinks it fully acceptable to lie, cheat, steal, deceive people, and to pretty much do whatever they please and can get away with. Somehow the covert narc never sees any of these obviously wrong and evil actions as a problem. The covert narc at their core has an attitude problem, a soul that is profoundly diseased and because of this somehow believes they are entitled to be evil. The covert narc is a warped dis integrated individual full of contradictions that can't be explained rationally because the covert narc themselves is irrational. How can you even begin to understand or explain to someone that a narc thinks of themselves as superior to everyone and has totally convinced themselves of that and yet that self same narcissist doesn’t feel that they themselves have any intrinsic value. Yes paradoxically, the covert narcissist felt inferior, inadequate from as early as they can remember. Their way of coping with that was to convince the world and also themselves that they were more than what they were, different than what they were. Yes the narc felt that dealing with the reality of their true inner self was too painful and too complicated. The narc's attitude or method of coping was to develop an alter ego that would protect them from their difficulties in the real world and take them away from the actual person that they were. So if they were being emotionally abused by their parents or neglected, etc. that abuse or neglect was directed to an “other” and that allowed the narc even as a child to avoid any shame by disconnecting themselves from their real persona. So yes, the narc would be different. Different on the outside than they were on their inside. Usually that meant more intelligent, richer, more accomplished, but most importantly different. Yes even as a young child the narc never felt their inner self was good enough. You could say the narc felt that they were always “better than themselves”. Even from a very early age the narc began that cycle of deceptiveness to the outside world and to themselves, because deep inside the narc felt deficient, not good enough. So as the narc progressed through life they fulfilled their own prophecy,: they were deficient and not good enough. Yes, towards the middle and latter half of the narcissist's life they are exactly what they predicted they would be: a hollow shell with nothing inside of it at all and only a tenuous fake facade that needs careful maintenance so that no one can ever look behind it. At the core of that facade is a creature that never grew up and became more and more jaded as the years went by. How could such a tragedy occur? Because the narc never gave their real self a chance. A chance to develop, to grow, to learn from mistakes. It was so much easier for the narc to pretend than to do the work. Sadly, the narc had betrayed their own inner self, had not even shown loyalty to their own self. Yes, the narc divorced themselves from their own inner persona. So is it any wonder that after years and decades of putting on this show and betraying themselves that the narc has no ability to be truly loyal or commit to anyone?

With the em path or the narc abuse victim, there’s a similar problem with self-evaluation. They also feel they have no intrinsic value and therefore they see nothing wrong with being downgraded by those that they love around them. They see no problems with other people in their environment asserting their superiority over them. Yes, others around them are given every right to take away their accomplishments and their sense of self esteem. Others around them have every right to consider themselves superior to the em path or codependent. So this leads right into the theme of the difference between self-esteem and the more popular notion of self love. There is a very key difference. Self esteem means correctly estimating your abilities to do anything and correctly assessing your knowledge across a broad gamut of topics. Not assessing yourself to be less than what you’re capable of doing or knowing less than you know and not assessing yourself to be more capable than your actual abilities of what you can do or knowing more than you actually know. The third and possibly most important aspect of self-esteem is correctly assessing your self in relationship to others, being able to see that you are more accomplished than others in some areas and less accomplished or able in other areas. Yes, when you clearly see your own self more accurately, you can begin to understand the complexity of the human condition. Things aren't black and white, but instead each person no matter what walk of life they come from, has been given their own gifts. Again, the Bible spends a great deal of time discussing that each person has value in and of themselves and they should embrace both their own strengths and weaknesses. The Bible gives the analogy of believers in Christ being one body with each person being a member of that body with his or her own function, some people being feet and others hands, others eyes or ears. Each member of the body of Christ having their own purpose as described in 1 Corinthians 12 for example verse 17 and 18 “17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.” Each person has been born with their own set of gifts and abilities and needs to embrace those abilities and use them in order to fully reach their true potential. This is the core of what makes the narc dysfunctional. The narc never realizes their own potential because they literally refuse to accept themselves for what they are or accurately assess their own capabilities. The narc runs away from their real self instead of embracing who and what they are. So this is a far better way to look at narcissism than to broach upon the subject of self-love. The Bible knows that each person intuitively has their own love of self. That is something that the Bible does not want us to cultivate. On the contrary, the Bible wants us to be less focused on the self and our own will and our own accomplishments and instead we should look at our value simply as how useful we can be to God in fulfilling His purposes through our lives. So a person's true value or assessment of themselves or self-esteem should be based on and really lies in how close we are to doing God's will in our lives. This removes our focus on ourselves. Yes the purpose of every person's life, if it is fully realized, is to glorify God. Anything that we do for our own self image and our own sense of accomplishment is robbing or taking away from that ideal purpose. We should look at our abilities not by what we personally can do but what we can do through God as His tool. To do this we need to fully realize and embrace the abilities or gifts that we were born with, that God gave us. If we allow ourselves to be used as God's tools we will realize our full value and have an accurate sense of our own value or self esteem. Both the narc and the em path have a self esteem problem and that is what creates Ross Rosenberg's aptly named “Human Magnet Syndrome”. The narc is so disconnected and divorced from their own core being and has neglected that being so that it remains an emotional infant. The narc simply refused to grow. So the narc got into the pattern of having to overestimate themselves at all times. The em path on the other hand simply grew up getting into the pattern of downgrading themselves and underestimating their abilities. The em path somehow was conditioned to believe it was noble and correct to let others take away any accomplishment, anything that they had or did. The em path felt it was totally OK to be denigrated and treated badly. The em path almost felt it was their purpose to be another person's doormat. Yes the narc copes by convincing themselves they are superior and the em path convinces themselves they were put on this earth to be another person's emotional enabler. The em path sees the energy that is being drained from them as giving love to another person. It never occurs to the em path that they should be concerned about any needs of their own. That would be selfish and wrong in the em path's opinion. The empath never sees the irony, that they actually feel it is quite alright for another person to be selfish. Yes the empath feels they are serving their intended purpose by allowing others that selfishness. Yes the narc agrees the empath was made to give it all to the narc. Now this human magnet syndrome might seem to be a workable situation, a symbiotic relationship, and maybe it could be if the narc had any ability to love and be concerned about another human being. Unfortunately, the narc doesn't have any empathy, commitment, or loyalty and that is when this situation takes an evil turn. That is what makes the narc the evil and rightfully maligned creature that they are, because the narc left their partner and simply used them for everything that they could get. So yes, that is the key difference in this dysfunctional “dance of death” or death spiral, it leaves one person as a victim. The key is for the em path to see and perceive what is going on and learn that they need to change. The em path has that ability, although it will be very difficult for them. The dysfunction of the narc on the other hand is so deeply ingrained and the damage the narc has done to themselves by neglecting personal development for literally a lifetime means that the narc is almost irredeemable or un reformable. Yes genetics and environment all play a role in the narc's twisted malevolence, but let's make no mistake, the narc also made choices. Choices to be evil, choices to turn a blind eye to another person's suffering, choices to lie and be duplicitous, choices to be a fraud. Yes ultimately the narc is a living breathing human being imbued with a mind that can think and the ability to see the difference between right and wrong and the narc has chosen to continue doing what they do. That is the tragedy of narcissism, certainly for the victim but also for the narcissist. Yes the narc viewed that relationship as a game and whatever we may say about the em path, the lion's share of the problem lies with the narcissist. Why? Yes that em path may have been an enabler, but here is the key difference. The em path was committed to the narc, they did love, they did care, and they were genuine. The em path was looking at things from a long term, lifetime perspective and although they may have overlooked the narcs deficiencies and may have even enabled them the em path had a long term goal and that was to help that narcissist become the person they knew that narc could be. So no there is NO equivalence whatsoever when it comes to the narc and the em path. The narc is the perpetrator plain and simple, The em path is the victim. It is the em path's responsibility to learn and be a victim no more. Now let's resume with our analysis of what creates a narcissist and take things a bit further. Yes that young narcissist has gotten into the habit of creating a false persona and masking their true inner self. They’ve taken the easy way out of every situation that they’ve ever been in and yet they somehow feel cheated and they somehow sense that their fake bravado and fake pronouncements of great accomplishment are all just delusions. Yes, on the inside the narcs know this. So the narcs look around them selves and become very envious when they see that there are genuine people that have legitimate accomplishments and this creates a great deal of envy in the narc. The narc's way of dealing with this is to tear those people with legitimate lives, legitimate personas, and legitimate accomplishments down. Let’s now break down what we’ve found out so far about narcissists. Number one, they set up a fake persona that protects them from whatever their real self is suffering or is unable to accomplish. Number two, they subconsciously sense their own inferiority and phoniness and seeing that others around them are the genuine article they become envious of those people. Three, the narc's way of coping with their subconscious understanding of their own inferiority and phoniness is to tear down those around them that have genuine accomplishments and to build up in themselves a sense of superiority. Yes the narc must be superior to everyone. But then the narc encounters another problem: they have to live in the real world. So in order to continue believing in their own superiority the narc creates a fantasy world for themselves, a fantasy world in which they are imbued with great abilities and accomplishments and where everyone around them is far less than they are. In order to construct and maintain this fantasy existence and maintain a position of superiority over others the narc needs to use every tool at their disposal. Those tools are One: lying, cultivating lying and being better at lying than anyone else around them. Two: Cultivating gaslighting so that they can disorient everyone around them and be the only one that knows the truth. Three: Insulating themselves from any real vulnerability to another person by not having any significant attachments to another human being. The roadblocks in the narc's path such as conscience, clear thinking, looking at themselves and their environment objectively, will have to be demolished. The narc's lack of attachment causes them to isolate themselves, put themselves into a bubble, literally prevents them from having any deep and emotionally satisfying interactions with other human beings. That emotional detachment also causes the narc to see people as mere objects or utilities or appliances in their environment. The narc truly becomes a very self-centered individual. Their sole concern is for themselves and for themselves alone. The narc will convince themselves that their own selfishness is an absolute necessity and what does it matter anyway since those around them have no value compared to the narc themselves. So the narc lives in a world of one. It’s a lonely world and an empty world, a world without substance or energy. Without deep attachment to other people the narc trades any vulnerability for a far greater problem. The narc has no ability to generate any positive emotions or have any self-created energy so in an ironic twist the narc, whose goal was to have no dependence on any other human being and to be totally self-sufficient and independent is actually the most dependent human being on earth. The covert narc cannot survive without the energy and fuel that they obtain from others. Yes the narc never understands the strength and courage it takes to make yourself vulnerable. The narc never sees their emotional detachment for what it really is, cowardice and to put it in the narc's terms inferiority and weakness. So that is the narcissists story. The victim's story is a very different one, because the very nature of a narcissist and their interaction with someone they call their partner creates the most incredible pain that a person could suffer in a relationship. The narcissist persists until that partner of theirs is 100% convinced the narc is serious, is 100% convinced the narc is committed. Once the narc has fully engaged their victim and gotten everything they want they simply walk away with no concern whatsoever about the pain that they cause. Then some of these narcissists go one step further and actually enjoy inflicting additional pain and suffering upon their ex partners. So yes, the victim of a narcissist is placed, through no fault of their own, into a very bizarre scenario. That victim of the covert narc needs to face a situation where they have deep love and concern about someone and that very same person has now become a stranger that has nothing but malevolent intentions towards them. The greatest slap in the face of all is the fact that the evil narc uses all of the confidences shared with them, all of the trust, all of the good wishes and kind actions directed towards them and uses those gestures of love against the victim. How can any person understand the level of depravity and lack of appreciation that can drive someone to cause as much pain as possible to the person who gave it all to the narc and never had anything but love for that narc. The evil that would actually take the good gifts given them and weaponize them. That is a covert narcissist and their method of operation. That is why no disparaging metaphor or statement about a narc can ever be too harsh. So does it require any additional explanation as to why covert narcissism is a tragedy? It is clearly a tragedy for the victim. The victim may look back on that narc encounter and see that it made them stronger, but for many victims that isn't the case. Some people are left scarred for life so the question is what was the significance of the narc in the victim's life? That narc encounter was a pause, a roadblock, a shock to the victim's system. That narc was a challenge, a mountain to climb and to some victims they can never see themselves ever getting to that summit and looking out at the bright horizon behind that lofty and intimidating peak. For me it was a challenge I could have never met without doing it with God's help and with His strength. I have not yet reached that mountaintop and I have no idea what I will find on the other side, but I have no doubt that it will be far superior to the desolation I have put behind me. That stark, emotionless, fake, phony world of a narcissist relationship. So what was the purpose for the victim to be in the narc's life? We can only speculate, but I will attempt to make a guess. The narc was given a chance for love, for understanding, for compassion. The narc was given a chance to heal and find peace. The narc was given everything a person should ever want and expect from life and that narc warped all of that good and threw it away like worthless garbage. So what was the victim's purpose for the narcissist? Each victim is another nail in the narc's coffin. Another reason that the narc has no excuse for being as evil as they were. Does the narc really believe they were never understood, never had love, never got a chance? Maybe. But the string of victims in that narc's wake tells a very different story. A story that narc will never be able to escape. So yes, in the end covert narcissism will be a tragedy for the narcissist themselves as well. But there will be no tears of sympathy for that creature as it's life unfurls around it, fully displayed with no ability to cover anything up, and like an anchor pulls it into the abyss. The lake of fire. A place of no return. Any narc alive may still have a chance, but it is only a matter of time before they get to the point of no return. Jesus can help, can save, but the vast majority of narcs won't have Him. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.