The Covert Narcissist Loves “Paying it Forward”: Now before we go anywhere into this discussion it should be clarified that the narcissist loves the concept of paying it forward, they don’t actually like to pay anything that costs them forward. Remember the cold and calculating narc sees life as a game, a game in which they always come out the winner, on top. Part of being a winner is doing a careful cost to benefit analysis of every positive or beneficial thing that they do. The narc thrives on public attention and being thought of as a fine person, so partaking in acts of charity that are noticed by others is seen as highly desirable to the covert narcissist. The benefit extends further because many of these activities are group efforts and the narc's actual emotional detachment and lack of genuine concern can be easily camouflaged. The very act of doing this charitable work is the perfect smokescreen that allows the covert narcissist to avoid any scrutiny. So yes, paying it forward is a very prestigious way of being charitable. It might even be one of the highest forms of charity out there for these narcopathic creeps. Why? Because the accolades that come along with being someone who pays it forward, either in a large scale charity, where those who are more privileged give of their time and resources or even on an individual basis where only a handful of people can take notice, pays huge dividends in the form of high quality fuel for the narcissist.

Sadly, the narc doesn’t even understand the concept of paying it forward. Yes, they may do it mechanically and then tell everyone they’ve done it. They might even convince themselves that if they get 100 Dollars and they throw 10 cents into a tin cup they have paid it forward. Yes, sometimes that narc will give 10 Dollars out of a hundred, or even the whole hundred. But there must be some payoff in the form of bolstering their “billboard” or public persona. The narc will never understand that what they have done isn’t really paying it forward. There is more to paying it forward than just receiving and giving. There are actual emotions involved that go along with that act. Charity comes from the heart and the narc, sad to say cares about no one but themselves. In a court of law, were the truth to ever come out, that narc would be convicted of depraved selfishness one hundred times over with the jury all in full agreement. There would be no doubt whatsoever that that covert narcopath lives and breaths for themselves and themselves alone. No, like every other positive endeavor of the human race, the narc will never understand and all they can do is pretend and mimic the genuine actions and words of others. Now the discussion could end there, but we wouldn't be taking into account that, in a twisted way, the covert narc does pay things forward. Unfortunately, like everything else with a covert narc, it is a reverse image of the genuine article. How so? Well, many a narc will tell sorrowful tales about their terrible childhood. How much of this abuse is real and fabricated will never be known to the average person, but it would be safe to assume that some form of neglect or abuse did occur to make these individuals the warped excuses for a human being they become. So during the course of the narc's upbringing it may well be that a parent or caretaker had finally had enough of the young narc's insolence or saw deep-set problems that needed to be addressed and actually tried to discipline that narc. It may well be that family members that the narc trusted betrayed that trust and stole from the narc, leaving that narc feeling used and abused by the fact that those people had been totally disingenuous and played that narc for a fool. Yes the narc did occasionally make themselves vulnerable and the pain of that betrayal left an impact. In addition, that narc may have early on actually been used and abused by partners that were also narcopaths and having been manipulated and abused, that narc was effected negatively. Yes that narc may have had a partner that manipulated them into a relationship then marriage and starting a family and on top of all of that, cheated on that narc in the cruelest manner possible. The reality is of course that the narc was taking every opportunity to cheat and the partner finally returned the favor, but that is an aside. A good case can be made that previous abuse both mental, emotional, and physical may well have occurred in that covert narcissist's past. It is also a good bet that much of what the narc views as abuse was well deserved by that narcopathic creep. Before we proceed, there is an important distinction that needs to be made between the narc paying it forward and the narc seeking revenge for supposed harm done to them. Yes, they are two totally different things. When the narc pays their vitriol forward, the negativity they dispense is done to someone who never deserved it. That person was frequently not even present when that initial perceived wrong was done to the narcissist. With regard to paying it forward, the point to be emphasized is that the narc has baggage, their own set of issues brought about by their personal interactions with other people. No doubt, much of that abuse is not abuse at all, since with a narcopath, glancing at them with the wrong expression, not complimenting them enough, or having the audacity to question anything they say or do, let alone voice objections is all bundled and categorized within the framework of abuse. This creates deep seated hostility in the narcopath, especially when these narcopath appointed abusers are out of the narc's reach. So by proxy that narc will find scapegoats to pay forward the perceived abuse that was perpetrated upon them in the past. This is when the narc takes the opportunity to take all of the negativity they have absorbed and pay it forward to another individual, an innocent bystander. But the narc will make sure that they pay that evil back multiple fold. Yes, someone will have to suffer twice as badly as that narc did for the narc to be satisfied. So if the narc was manipulated and threatened or physically abused in the past, one day that narc will find an opportunity to pay all of that forward to another person, some intimate partner that has made themselves vulnerable. The narc may have felt the betrayal of having things stolen by family members when they let down their guard and now needs to pay that forward as well. The narc, who personally cheated on their partners as frequently as possible still felt incredible outrage when the same was done to them. So, cruelly flaunting flirtatious behavior in the process of the discard and a new relationship after the discard in front of their previous partner is the perfect vehicle for paying more negativity forward. Yes in the end the narc not only “gets even”, they make sure they get even multiple times more than the initial offense. The cold calculating narc weighs and measures everything precisely on the scales and measures of their own design, then does the math and multiplies the evil they pay back on others.
The narc refuses to accept or acknowledge an obvious fact. In committing their evil and treachery, that narc lost all rights to complain about their childhood or any abusive relationship they have ever had. The narc neutralized their own victim status by becoming a perpetrator that repeated and even amplified and exceeded all of the past abuse done to them. Why? Because they took their own vengeance and even worse than that they made innocent people suffer so that they could vent their own accumulated hostility. But the narc doesn't see things that way at all. No that narc continues to cling to the notion that they have been victimized by the world. So the narc walks away from the disaster they have created in someone's life. No this wasn't a fluke occurrence or a temporary loss of sanity. This was abuse that went on for weeks and months after reeking havoc on their supposed previous lifetime partner. The narc had numerous opportunities to repair the emotional and mental damage but that narc refused and even felt proud of and enjoyed milking that depleted partner to within an inch of their lives. But now the narc is reformed. They have recreated themselves and once again they take on the role of the martyr that gave everything for others and never got anything for themselves. Yes that narc feels totally justified in all they have done in the past and absolutely thinks it correct and proper to once again take on victim status. So that narc thinks that they’re free and clear, that they don’t have any baggage. Yes they are leaving for their new life and relationship. They’re getting on the plane and they're not taking anyone else's baggage. Cute. Neat. But unfortunately all of the messy details of the past have either been deleted or modified to fit the new narrative. But does the truth, the reality really just dissolve into the past? Not in the real world, but anything is possible in the narc's warped version of reality. Well that narc has postured themselves to do exactly that, erase and revise the past to fit that new narrative. But can that narc's past, the truth really just be buried? No, that isn't how things work, since unfortunately for the narc, the world doesn't really revolve around them.
Yes, even those closest to the narc have been brainwashed to believe that the narc is the martyr, the narc is the one that suffered deeply and sacrifice greatly, and finally that narc deserves a life of their own lived on their terms with the partner of their choice in the location of their choice. Yes even those closest to the narc may believe that ruse. In fact, that narc has probably even convinced themselves that it’s all correct. But we know better and as that narc's new and idealized Shangri-La slowly falls apart and dissolves the narc will once again have 100 different reasons why things failed, but they will never point a finger at them selves. It will always be another person’s fault. In the end that narc will be alone and there will be nobody to point the finger at but themselves and they will pay for every nasty act that they have ever perpetrated upon another human being or even animal for that matter.
What the narc fails to understand is that they have a huge amount of baggage, and that includes all of the damage they have done to others. That baggage that they’ve created for others belongs to the narc and they can never escape it except for one possible way, Jesus now not later.
A genuine conversion that is proven by a changed attitude and actions. A person who has turned over a new leaf and has divorced themselves from their lifetime partner the lie. But the narc will never separate themselves from their one constant and reliable partner, the lie. That narc may pretend to be contrite and pretend to be telling the truth in an effort to patronize an ex partner and shut them up. But the keen observer can easily see through the guise. Yes that narc will never change their ways and can't help themselves but to fall into the same patterns of deceit and treachery and lying like there is no tomorrow. Not to mention the grandstanding. Yes, the narc thinks it impressive when they announce they are working for a charitable organization of international renown. Charity in its essence starts at home, with the people closest to you. How you treat those people behind closed doors is the true measure of your charity. Yes, the way that the narcissist treats their loved ones and their significant others shows the true nature of that beast. No, it’s not a pretty sight and when you compound that with someone who struts around wanting the world to believe what wonderful people they are, the stench of hypocrisy brings tears to your eyes. It's what you do that no one will ever know about that is the important thing, then all of those public acts flow from that. But the narc doesn't and will never get it. It's all about the mind candy of being publicly acknowledged as a fine person. Being linked to and associating with the people that the world deems important. So what does it mean to pay something forward, covert narcissist style? It means dumping all of your toxic emotional and mental garbage on others for them to absorb. If those people don't survive the process, it's not the narc's problem. The other narcissist version of paying it forward is the fake posturing that the narc calls paying it forward and appears to be the genuine item to most observers. So the average observer and even the narc themselves genuinely believes in the narc's masquerade. That narc truly believes that their fake display of charity is the equivalent of what others do when they pay things forward. But if course it's all about attitude and because of that the narc falls short. Yes paying it forward narcissist style perfectly illustrates the mentality of the covert narcissist. Public activity for all to see because the narc craves public attention and admiration with zero substance behind those public displays. Oh yes that narc will do things that benefit others, but the gain to the narc will always far exceed the narc's outlay. That's just how it is with the narc.
Yes the narc is getting on a plane and not taking anyone else’s baggage, but what the narc fails to take into account is the mountains of damage, the baggage they’ve created for countless victims over the course of their lives. That baggage is all on the narc's account and they can't escape that fact no matter how they try to deny it or how much time passes. So there will never be any genuine peace for the narc and the chaos and turmoil that the narc lives in is well deserved. Yes, there will be a few moments of contentment in the beginning stages when the narc starts that new life and new persona and new relationship, in that new environment. But make no mistake that narc has baggage. Their own and all of the baggage they have created for others. They own it all. It is inescapable. That narc's past will haunt them, not because of guilt or remorse. Not by way of the victims. Those victims have genuinely moved on and set themselves up for genuine peace and joy and contentment. But because that narc is cold and calculating and always “does the math”. Like every shyster with a Ponzi scheme, that narc knows they have stolen and stolen big time to get to where they are. That narc knows that they owe more than they could ever pay back and the interest on what they owe accrues each and every day and has done so for years and decades. Only Jesus can cover that debt and give that narc peace, absolving them of all that they owe.
So the narc is a charitable human being according to themselves. But their activities of the past few decades tell a very different story. One of zero charity, zero concern for any other human being but for themselves, and selfishness that would boggle the average person's mind. Yes, that narc is getting on a plane and not taking anyone else’s baggage. Only their own. But the narc has a problem. They don't decide what is and isn't their baggage. They don't decide what they are and aren't responsible for. Yes that narc can get on a plane to the other side of the world, a tropical paradise, but they will never be able to escape the real baggage that belongs to them. That narc can't change the past or pretend it never existed. Yes there was a particular narc that was told of the folly of trying to run away from your problems by changing your latitude not your attitude. But the narc apparently never paid attention to the important wisdom that someone was trying to impart to her. She was busy finding all of the angles and studying a target to see how she could play her wicked game and entangle that person in her web of deceptions. She got caught in that web as well. Well that narc will be once again caught in a web of her own creation and she will not be the one that calls the shots or is in control. How foolish of those narcopathic creeps to not take into account all the damage that they’ve done to others and somehow foster the illusion that they deserve happiness, peace, joy and contentment. You don't achieve those goals by walking away from problems, you achieve them by dealing with the problems and resolving them. Somehow the narc believes that denying the damage they have done resolves everything. Pretending the abuse they perpetrated never existed and refusing further contact with a discarded victim is all it takes for them to move on. Yes for the typical narc it's all about them and them alone.. The victims of narc abuse tried desperately to resolve things the correct and healthy way after that discard. Those victims deserved and needed answers, needed to sort things out so that they could learn and heal and move on. Those victims eventually found their answers without the help of the narcopath and they are the ones who have worked hard to achieve a peaceful existence. Yes, many a victim tried to clear the decks so that both partners could move on and have genuine peace, but the narc simply refused and in fact reveled in torturing that ex lifetime partner as they struggled to get their bearings. But according to the narc and their twisted view of the world none of what they have done in the past is their problem. That narc simply turns off the switch to one relationship and turns on the switch to another. Yes that covert narc actually thinks they are entitled to a happy existence. Well good luck to them. Hope it works out. Because it isn't the ex partner's problem at all. That ex partner can get on any plane and has no baggage other than their responsibility to others that they embrace and don't see as a burden at all. Yes, charity begins at home. It comes from the heart. Where no one can see. Peace joy and contentment are all about attitude. So is genuine love, commitment and loyalty for that matter. All things that the narc will never be able to comprehend. Yes paying it forward perfectly illustrates the mentality of the covert narcissist. That narc cherishes the dividends that the appearance of paying it forward can provide, so therefore the narc loves the concept of paying it forward. But it's all fake phony and a fraud. Yes the narc never paid anything forward that didn't return more than their outlay and certainly there was no heart in the act. Well one day life will pay the covert narcissist. Not pay forward, but simply give the narc what they have rightfully earned. With interest. Yes everyone that narc ever damaged deserved it according to the narc. They will see how well that argument holds up one day.
Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. ENDING COMMENTS: One of the largest obstacles to recovery for the victim of covert narc abuse is the anger and hostility that arises when that victim finally understands what happened to them. Yes, the need to take vengeance, give that narc a dose of their own medicine is a major challenge to overcome, but it MUST be overcome if that victim is ever to move on and heal. So NO, it isn't healthy or helpful to the victim to want to seek vengeance. However there is nothing wrong with wanting to SEE vengeance. Yes, the wicked prosper in this world, even end up having advantages from their wicked acts. That situation is covered by the Bible. Pay close attention to Psalm 73: Verses 2 and 3: But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled,my steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. Verses 6 through 9: Therefore pride is their necklace;
violence covers them as a garment. Their eyes swell out through fatness; their hearts overflow with follies. They scoff and speak with malice; loftily they threaten oppression. They set their mouths against the heavens, and their tongue struts through the earth. Verses 11 and 12: And they say, “How can God know? Is there knowledge in the Most High?” Behold, these are the wicked; always at ease, they increase in riches. Verses 16 and 17: But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their end. Verses 18 and 19: Truly you set them in slippery places;you make them fall to ruin. How they are destroyed in a moment, swept away utterly by terrors!

The Journey of Recovering from Narcissist Abuse: Breaking the Bond Many of us start our journey from narc abuse thinking we have lost everything of value to us, thinking we have lost all of the relationships and blessings that this world provided us with. We feel comfortable in the routine and predictable world that we create for ourselves. That world gives us a sense of constancy and stability that allows us to be productive people in society and deal with the stress that the world throws at us. Yes, those thoughts of being home enjoying your morning coffee or enjoying that evening meal with your partner is the fuel that keeps you going each and every day. Those weekend getaways and vacations are the events we look forward to for weeks and months at a time. The close and intimate feelings of being bonded to our partner is both the glue that keeps us together and integrated as an individual and the lubricant that allows our integration with the world to go smoothly, reducing the friction in the abrasive environment of life. So we hold our personal existence dear since it is the very essence of our lives. That is the basic framework, the foundation of a life for the average person. None of us have ideal lives and as a human being progresses through life we learn to reduce our expectations of both the people that surround us and life in general. We learn to compromise our aspirations to coincide with and correspond to reality since we are all limited mentally, physically, and by time and financial constraints. We learn to realize that no relationship is going to cure all of our problems and that there is a cost involved in being in a relationship. But again, as mature adults that have unfortunately had more than one relationship we learn to also reduce our expectations of what any relationship or partner will provide. We learn to put up with the idiosyncrasies of our partner and try to make it work, knowing that no one is perfect. We make the best of our life situations and always strive to improve our lot in life, both as an individual and as a couple, having the goal of an idealized life together of peace and tranquility. Lucky people meet the correct partner and both individuals share the goal of creating a life that is productive and meets the needs of both individuals in the relationship. This requires both partners to compromise and unify their visions of what their future will be, what the goal of their lives will be. Truly productive people realize that it is absolutely essential to eliminate unnecessary drama from their lives. There are plenty of real problems in the world without creating your own. So we then break down life into the mental, the emotional, and the spiritual. We will leave out the physical. Mental clarity requires dealing with our perceived environment as accurately and precisely as possible. Yes, we analyze the people in our environment and the situations we encounter and try to make sense of them. We develop discernment over time and try to sort out what is true from what is false in our life experience, knowing that without truth there can be no accurate assessment of anything. So truth matters and is always our goal with regard to our mental perception of the world. Logic and reason are the tools we develop over time that allow us to make sound decisions based on our perceived truth and reality. That perceived truth is our judgment based on our own distinctive and unique opinion gained by analyzing our experiences over the course of our lives. Yes we can always be wrong in our assessment of the truth and we therefore always proceed cautiously and with humility, being willing to change our opinions of what is and is not true. Emotions are the part of our life that makes it worth living and when it comes to emotions we aren't usually as concerned with accuracy or reason or logic. So in our mind's eye we plan an idealized life that is heavily fueled by emotions, how we feel, and we tend to avoid thinking of the details which would get in the way of that romanticized vision in our head. But over time we learn to be practical and take into account reality. Yes mature adults have reasonable expectations of life and over time learn to be more practical, but those emotions often take over and this is where the practical and realistic life we have planned for ourselves often gets sidetracked. This is what occurs in every single addiction. The person goes from being sane and balanced and in control to having no control whatsoever over time. Yes we know that person isn't good for us or that habit isn't good for us. We know that we could spend our time and financial resources more productively, but our emotions lead us in an entirely different direction. So we need to govern those emotions both mentally and for the believer, spiritually. The Bible clearly describes what a person who battles these destructive emotions is up against. First John 2 15 tells us to not love the world or anything in it, meaning that we shouldn't indulge our desires. Our love and devotion to God should temper our desires for the things of this world. First John 2 16 clearly defines these destructive desires as the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life. Yes, there is a battle between the flesh and the spirit, what we want to do and what we should do. If we indulge the flesh, our desires, the flesh gets stronger. If we follow the Spirit in our lives that gets stronger and allows us to resist the flesh. If we do what is right in our lives, what we know is right, things go much more smoothly. But the average person, myself included, far too often follows instinct and allows the flesh to lead them. So the impression might be given that emotions are evil, but they aren't at all. It is only when those emotions are usurped by the flesh or are attached to a dysfunctional situation that emotions cause all of the problems. A life lived using reason and logic, that totally ignored the emotional aspects of existence, would be dry and not worth living for most of us. So emotions are very important and serve a very important function in our lives, especially with regard to our personal lives and relationships. Therefore, we cultivate those relationships, try to commit to them and create as stable and emotionally satisfying an environment as possible. The above describes the life of the average functional person, someone who seeks to have as much stability in their lives as possible. Someone who seeks a balanced existence as free from turmoil and chaos as possible. Yes all people have different mental and physical abilities and all people have diverse levels of resources with regard to time and money and part of becoming a mature adult is coming to grips with and accepting those limitations. The reverse side of that coin is that many people are too focused on what they do not have and sadly never use the resources and abilities they have been blessed with to anywhere near their potential. Yes human beings are flawed, imperfect and the world is flawed and imperfect as well. Yes what we rely on as truth and what we believe is true may end up not being true at all upon further analysis. That is the wisdom we all learn as we go through the journey of our existence. But the key is that a person must be an honest player in their life and have a sincere interest in doing the best they can do. Every functional person has the best of intentions, no matter how bad things sometimes turn out. Yes, every functional person falls short, analyzes their situation, lets the uncomfortable emotions of guilt, a conscience, and remorse guide them in an effort to do better next time. Yes over time we either heed those emotions and become better, more functional people or we ignore them and stagnate or even degenerate over time. So we encounter a covert pathological narcissist and out of the blue this person seems to be the perfect solution to the problems of our life. That narc seems to be a dream come true. We use logic and reason and have some doubts, but for some reason our emotions are telling us that this is the right thing for us. How could anyone behave the way the covert narc does and not be serious. How could anyone make those commitments and make those future plans and not be serious. How could anyone profess their love and not be serious. How can someone so focused on the importance of loyalty and commitment not hold those virtues in high esteem in themselves? Yes we start ignoring the logic and reason that tell us that person is really disloyal and not at all committed, after all why would they lie? So mentally, we drop our guard because those emotions are so positive, seem to be telling you it is all real. It doesn't help that the narc is telling you they are yours forever and to relax whenever you voice any concerns. So we commit ourselves to these demonic covert narcissists and slowly, imperceptibly we fall prey to their increasingly bizarre behavior and the emotional drama that ramps up over the years and decades and we somehow chalk this up to the fact that no person or relationship is perfect. After all that partner of yours is committed to you and loves you and so you put up with them “not being nice”, otherwise known as mental and emotional abuse. Sadly some poor souls end up dealing with physical abuse as well and the warped world that narc creates somehow justifies that abuse, even in the victim's mind. But that is behind closed doors. So what is it exactly that binds us to these creeps? Well for the most part it is the emotional bond that we have formed with that person. Yes, a normal person was designed to commit to and bond with another human for a lifetime. Part of the package is that we associate all of our positive emotions with that partner. The love we feel is exclusively associated with that narc. The future planned and all of our hopes and aspirations have that narc at the center of them. Yes the average functional person has made that commitment and oftentimes a lifetime commitment to the narc and the narc alone. But that person has made a grievous error. The inconceivable duplicity, disingenuousness, depraved indifference, total emotional detachment of the covert narcissist is beyond the comprehension of the average partner to one of these ghouls. So the game goes on for that narc and they milk that partner dry for months, years, decades. The narcopath starts a family with that unwitting target and that target would have to be emotionally disturbed and paranoid to suspect that their narcopath partner wasn't at least partly in love with them and sincere about the relationship. After all the paucity of mainstream literature makes covert narcissism a condition most people aren't even aware exists. So how could the target even conceive of someone being as profoundly mentally diseased and dysfunctional as a covert narcissist? We look at all of those idealized descriptions of the average functional, although flawed, person and throw them all away when it comes to describing the covert narcissist. Yes the average person holds the truth in high esteem even though they fall short of it in their daily lives. The narc hates the truth and worships the lie, is actually wedded to the lie, the only thing they have ever truly committed to. The average person uses logic and reason to try and analyze their lives. The covert narc's stock in trade is to warp reality and neutralize any effective use of logic and reason. The average person uses emotions to bond to their partner and the relationship. The covert narc has none of those positive emotions, so they use the positive emotions of their partner to manipulate. The average person to one extent or another listens to and takes heed of the uncomfortable feelings of a nagging conscience, feelings of guilt, feelings of remorse and lets those uncomfortable and sometimes painful emotions teach them the lessons of life. The covert narc does just the opposite, they refuse to even acknowledge those emotions. Yes the narc sees themselves above the petty weaknesses of a person who would actually heed their conscience or feel remorse. In the process the deluded narc damns themselves to a personal fantasy existence that bears less and less resemblance to reality as their life progresses. Burying past sins and ignoring them takes effort and energy but more importantly, prevents the narc from ever maturing. So how does the above discussion help a target in their journey of recovery? Well we are specifically talking to the person who has been discarded or come to the sad conclusion that a relationship with a covert narcissist is no longer possible. We are talking to the functional person who has for whatever reason ended their relationship with the narcissist and is having a very hard time. Remember that narc has really lost nothing. That narc never invested any positive emotions, never gave any genuine love, loyalty, or commitment to their partner. Oh yes the narc may be displeased with the target's departure, but in those cases it is simply a matter of pride, having been the one discarded, or ego, having lost a possession that made the world see that narc as successful. Yes it is true, sometimes that narc simply views the target as a possession that no one else but they are entitled to. Many times the narc is outraged by the target's departure mainly because they have not yet found a suitable replacement. Yes my covert narc partner could have had a clean break but her problem was that she had not found a replacement for me yet and the thought of being the one discarded was too much for her to bear. So the relationship commenced and only later did I realize that this was all about her setting me up for the most painful discard she could possibly conjure up. But even that didn't go as planned for her. Nevertheless she did find a partner, even if not a perfect one to triangulate and make sure I was totally destroyed in every way imaginable. So make no mistake, there are never any positive emotional bonds that are playing a role in that covert narc's displeasure. The narc will feign all of those positive emotions if necessary to manipulate the partner back and the unwitting partner who knows nothing about covert narcissism will oftentimes be reeled back in. The assumption on the target's part that the narc is bonded to them and must have all of the same positive emotions they do is a huge miscalculation. That miscalculation is sound logic and reason that has been neutralized by being based on the false information, the lies furnished by the narcissist. So the covert narc uses those false conclusions of the target to manipulate them at will. The narc does this by emulating positive emotions of the target and convincing them that they feel the same way. But there is no substance behind the assertions and drama that narc displays. So this is where the healing part comes in. The journey for the target is one of realizing and convincing themselves that the narc never loved, never cared, never committed to them, was never loyal. That can take months and years, but if your partner was a genuine pathological covert narcissist you will eventually detoxify and replace all of the lies and deceptions of that covert narcissist with the actual truth of the situation. The logic and reason, being now based on truth, can actually serve their proper function and allow you to heal and see things clearly for what they are. Logic and reason can allow that target to analyze themselves and see where and how they were vulnerable. But the path on that journey of recovery continues and a very important truth reveals itself as time passes. The truth that all of those positive emotions, all of the love, feelings of nostalgia, all of those plans for the future that gave so much comfort and meaning to life are still there in the target. Even though that target bonded to the narc and associated all of those positive feelings and emotions to that person, it now becomes clear there was never any reciprocation by the narc at all. The target was functional, was genuine, but the narc was simply playing a game. So the target eventually realizes that those positive feelings, the love they felt, the commitment they made, the loyalty haven't been lost at all. They still exist. It is only that functional bonding to a miscreant, a dysfunctional creep that sees life as a game that was the problem. So the victim has everything needed to get back everything they thought they lost, but never really did. Since everything that target thought they had was simply an illusion created by a demonically inspired individual who decided to base their life on lies and deception and turn their backs on any guilt or remorse. Someone who never even considered heeding a conscience. So the target has everything they need all it takes to achieve genuine happiness and joy. The target has all it takes to have a fulfilling, healthy functional life and relationship. The victim has grown and learned. No the victim didn't move on and ignore the problem that narc created, but rather embraced the pain, worked through it, learned, matured and grew. So the question to the healed target is simply this. You have been given the opportunity to have all of the toxicity removed from your life. You have the chance to have a fresh start. What will you do with that opportunity? The removal of that toxic covert pathological narcissist was a blessing. Yes it came at a great expense, but in retrospect it was the best thing that ever happened to you. When you truly comprehend the truth of that statement, you have made a major breakthrough in your journey of regeneration. But make no mistake, that conclusion doesn't come easily for most of us that simply can't conceive of any happiness or joy or any future at all without that fraud that pretended to have a genuine relationship with you. Yes you can start again and get everything back you lost, and more. With the right person if you so choose or even alone. In short, you can do without the narc. Regardless of your opinion you can do much better than that narc and more importantly, you deserve better than a low life covert narcissist. You deserve to be happy and have joy. You deserve to have kindness and love and commitment and loyalty reciprocated. You deserve a partner who actually wants to compromise and values the relationship as much as you do. You deserve to have all of the love, all of the commitment and all of those deep feelings of love and good wishes that you wasted on the narc come back to you with interest and in abundance. What about the narcissist? That is no longer our concern. Make no mistake though they will get their “rewards” from life as well. Not at our hands of course and it may well be that we never even know that narc's ultimate fate. It will be a sad ending and we can pray for them or not, but eventually they will be beyond prayer. We will do our best to keep our record clean and leave the evil of that narc exclusively on their account. Our harmlessness will pay huge dividends in the future. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

The Covert Narcissist Enjoys Inflicting Pain: What kind of a warped depraved psychopath gets pleasure out of hurting another human being and in their own distorted mind somehow thinks it right to be able to do these things? Yes, they even consider themselves justified in the evil they do. Well, narcopaths do this on a daily and weekly basis throughout their lives. Many of those self righteous retributions are minor. The narc may simply injure your self esteem and make you feel inadequate or worthless. Sometimes there may even be justification for the narc being displeased as every couple has their disagreements and every individual in a relationship sometimes fails their partner. But the narc is still very different in that many times the bitter complaints and dissatisfaction coming from them is totally unjustified and mostly if not completely fabricated out of thin air. There are numerous reasons the narc puts down their partner. It could be simply to maintain control and keep that partner off balance. It could be because the narc simply doesn't tolerate any affront to their superiority and grandiosity. The root cause of this lack of concern for their partner's emotional, psychological, mental and possibly even physical well-being is that the narc, being a low grade psychopath, doesn’t think of anyone but themselves or anything beyond their own needs.

Yes, the things that that narcopath does to their intimate partners most people wouldn’t do to a stranger, someone they never met before, even if that stranger did something worthy of retribution. So we might leave the conversation at this point and come to the conclusion that the covert narcissist is simply a difficult partner, someone that will never want anything but turmoil and chaos in their lives and we as their partners simply have to put up with those benign flaws. Yes, before our knowledge of covert narcissism we simply believed that's just how our partner is, but they are basically good people underneath. That faulty assumption, the inability of the victim to comprehend the true evil of the covert narcopath, is the fatal flaw that sucks many of these targets into a world of misery that has the potential of destroying everything. Yes, the benign lies of the covert narcissist can even be cute in their obviousness and again we chalk this up to everyone having their flaws, but little do we know that those benign misrepresentations are just the tip of the iceberg. The covert narc I was with, while professing her love and commitment to me was using a social site to troll for their next persona and partner and frequently ran into problems with unwanted attention. This required her to delete her friends and followers since she wasn't really sure who the stalker was. Her excuse? An IOS update. Little did the fool realize that her ridiculous lies which were obvious to any person with a brain resulted in her making herself a target to even more creeps. But that is a digression. The point is that those benign lies are only a sign of a much more deeply rooted problem. There are far more serious and important lies being maintained. The lies of being committed, the lies of the love that narc professes, that feigned and totally fraudulent loyalty. In fact the very persona that narc presents to their partner is as phony as a three Dollar bill. But how in their right mind could the target ever conceive of such extreme duplicity. To suspect this level of depravity a person would have to be dysfunctionally paranoid. So the narc plies their trade and plays their game knowing full well that no one would ever suspect what they are really all about. Since the narc considers every relationship simply another transient experience to keep them from boredom there is usually never any danger for the narc if the victim finally finds them out. Yes an aware and awake partner is the perfect excuse for exiting the relationship for the narc. Most of the time the narc has a relationship waiting in the wings and their departure is simply the beginning of another exciting adventure to indulge in a newly fabricated persona, and personal life and occupation. So yes, the benign lies are simply the tip of the iceberg, but how is the abuse that narcs heap on their partners similar? Well that abuse is exactly the same. In a normal relationship negative feedback from one partner to another serves a very useful purpose. That feedback informs the partner how they are falling short in the relationship and the feedback makes it possible for both partners to adjust to each other and hopefully come to an understanding. The work involved with making a committed relationship work is not for the faint of heart, but the long term benefits are definitely worth it. However, that requires two honest and sincere participants and this is how the insidious bad behavior of the narcopath shows itself for what it really is: mercenary. There is no emotion involved other than the sick thrill of causing pain and extracting energy from their victim in an avaricious attempt to suck that victim dry of every last ounce of their life force.. There is no goal of building a

harmonious relationship, they are doing it for the sick and depraved pleasure of causing another human being pain and suffering. There is no means to and end, the pain that vitriol projected at the partner causes is all the narc is looking for or cares about. There is no end game for the narc, no goal of resolution or of a future peace and harmony. It is simply the pleasure of making another person suffer. That is why the sadistic covert narcopath is deservedly placed just a notch below a full blown psychopath. That is why the victim has to be observant of all of the cute and benign flaws of their partner and make sure those flaws are really motivated by a good heart.

The Crimes of the Covert Narcissist: Numerous metaphors are used to describe covert narcissists: demons, vampires, the embodiment of evil, etcetera. The list goes on and these terms are appropriate as well as useful in that they give insight into the type of creeps these covert narcissists are below the surface. But what exactly are these covert narcissists guilty of? What are their crimes, their sins? Well part of the problem is that the covert narcissist is covert, they are very adept at hiding their evil from others, even those closest to them. Nothing is as it appears with a narcissist. The narc may at times actually convince themselves that their fake outer noble and positive persona is genuine, but that narc is usually well aware of the game they are playing and the lies told to keep everyone around them guessing, in the dark, and most importantly under the narc's control. Yes, many an outsider can't fathom why the target of a narc can't react to a breakup like everyone else. The outrageous behavior of the narc and totally calloused and gleeful approach they take by purposely doing emotional damage in that seemingly normal breakup is known only to the victim. Outsiders are told that the target is the crazy and irrational one and the cold demeanor of the narc seems to show that the narc is in fact the rational one. But again this is only what it appears to be on the surface to those who have never conceived of the depths of depravity that covert narcissists sink to. So what exactly and precisely are those narcissists crimes? Well, before we engage in this discussion let's take the advice of the Bible and look in the mirror, realizing that it is far easier to spot the splinter in another person's eye and be ignorant of the log in our own. Yes, the target wasn't vigilant, was too willing to believe in the narc, didn't scrutinize or simply believed in the good of that narc despite the numerous verifiable lies that were told. Surely most of what that narc was presenting to their confidant and best friend and intimate partner was true, wasn't it? Well sadly, only later does the target find out that no, almost everything that narc was presenting to the target was a lie. The narc, their persona, everything they said and did with regard to the victim, including every promise made, every future event planned, and every commitment made was mere posturing and game playing because that narc is the epitome of a fake, phony, fraud. The poster child of charlatanism. We tend to call the victim of the covert narcissist an em path and that is a good description since it defines a person who does want to put themselves in another person's shoes and understand. The narc, of course is drawn to this and plays the perfect victim in the form of the lost waif looking for a savior or the misunderstood rebel that is really soft and vulnerable on the inside among many other ploys. Yes, that feigned vulnerability and need to be understood draw the em paths like flies. Of course the em path is not a perfect person as the narcissist is quick to point out in the devaluation phase of the relationship. Yes the em path's faults are embellished, fabricated, magnified, even warped by that narc, and without a doubt some of the narc's criticisms are spot on, but that is beside the point. The em path is only a human being and flawed, just as every other human on earth is, but that em path was genuine. That can never be said for the narcissist. More importantly, the em path took many of those criticisms to heart and tried to improve upon themselves. Why? Because that em path actually took the relationship seriously and had an actual goal of trying to build a harmonious, peaceful relationship that could last a lifetime. Yes, people pleasing and putting up with a partner's nasty behavior isn't necessarily the right thing to do and that is one of the areas the em path failed. The greater problem with the em path is that they simply couldn't get themselves to heed the obvious red flags in their partner. That em path never truly scrutinized the narc's inconsistent stories and brushed those lies off as white lies. After all it became obvious very early on that calling a narc out on their lies got them nowhere anyway. But the em path chose to see only the good in that narc and chose to believe in them. Yes, that was a function of love and love can be and maybe even should be partially blind if two people are to ever bond and get along peacefully. The problem was not expecting that same leeway from the narc. But the em path's lack of scrutiny and willingness to believe the narc early on was the major miscalculation. Yes the em path's lack of scrutiny, wanting to believe was a major blunder. But let's be clear, the narc purposely hid all of their duplicity and treachery from the victim at the beginning in the idealization phase and then slowly and purposefully bound that target into their web of deception. No one could blame the em path for lack of judgment once they were under the spell of that narc's chicanery. In the middle of a relationship with a covert narc the victim has been actively blinded and mesmerized and at that point has lost the ability to discern the truth no matter how increasingly obvious the narc's incontinence becomes. The signs of a lack of love, a lack of loyalty, lack of commitment, a lack of any empathy coming from the narc do hit that target in the head and get their attention, but by then the fog and ambiguity and disorientation prevent that victim from putting together the pieces or even focusing to see things clearly. Now onto the covert narcissist and their crimes and this ties directly in to the original point concerning observations by outsiders that are convinced that the target and not the narc are the irrational ones. Yes, many a victim falls into the clutches of a narc and is convinced they are in a normal relationship, especially when that concept of covert narcissism is inconceivable. So that target loves that narc and has made that lifetime commitment and believed that the narc's promises, commitments and proclaimed love were just as genuine as their own. No person dating in this day and age ever has 100 percent certainty that a relationship will last forever and realistically speaking, yes, two people can grow apart and part ways for almost any reason. So, in theory a person could be in a relationship with a covert narcissist, have a breakup and never realize that person they were with was a narc. The problems occur when that narc shows their true colors, drops their mask either deliberately or inadvertently and decides that the previous partner needs to be suddenly and without warning disposed of. This produces a shock to the partner and disorientation, as well as a need to make sense of things, now that the partner's whole world has been turned upside down. The narc typically has already moved on and has no incentive whatsoever to show any sympathy for the victim's plight. That ex partner is now simply in the way and the questions that ex has are an inconvenience. The next stage is when that narc actually purposefully emotionally tortures their ex by design, with their new partner as a willing accomplice. Yes, take a victim who has just suffered a major shock, lost everything important to them and start playing games with a person that is already on the edge. Compound all of that by convincing everyone that the target is the one who was unhinged and the abuser and that narc has literally sucked every ounce of energy from that target and stolen it for themselves. So the narc's true crimes, their sins start to become visible when we see the truth of that relationship with the ex and the true nature of that discard and how it was executed. Clearly observing that depraved way that narc abused their ex brings to light the true extent and nature of that narc's crimes. It would have taken minimal effort, just an ounce of concern for someone other than themselves and a minimal amount of effort for that narc to leave the relationship smoothly and enjoy the new life that they had been cultivating and planning right under the nose of their ex. But the very fact that the narc didn't even have a minimal concern for a person they proclaimed to love just days previous says volumes about the stark, soulless environment under the skin of that ghoul. A person could be forgiven for not empathizing with a stranger in a distant location, but how is it possible to not have an ounce of concern for a previous “soul mate”? How is it even conceivable that years of loyalty, as questionable as it was, could suddenly be shifted to a complete stranger overnight? Yes those judgmental outsiders would never believe the outrageous scenario the narc put that former ex through. But let's look at things from the narc's point of view, empathize so to speak. That narc has a lack of empathy, no conscience and no remorse and the argument can be made that for at least some narcissists that is just how they were born. We know for many of these creeps they made an active decision to live only for themselves and years of debauchery made them lose whatever conscience they were born with. But let's give the benefit of the doubt and call the narc a victim of genetics and environment. Let's allow for the possibility that the narc is not to blame for their lack of empathy and remorse and for not having a conscience. Let's go one step further and allow the possibility that the narc doesn't fully know that each and every fake relationship they build is a fake. The reality is that most narcs do know the game they are playing and never have any intention of doing any more than extracting fuel from that target. Most narc's knowingly deceive, but let's give the benefit of the doubt. So if this narc was a victim who was born without the capacity to love or have genuine concern for another human being they might be forgiven for simply reaching out to another person for a relationship in whatever capacity they can partake in it. No one could fault that narc for seeking that relationship and not wanting to be alone. You might even somehow make the point that a narc not being able to fully comprehend the value of love, can't appreciate that love and therefore is constantly searching for a the next relationship that might produce contentment and joy and peace. OK, point made. So if we follow that logic, we conclude that the narc should be left alone since they never really meant any harm. But is that how it plays out in the real world? Yes, that narc could go from relationship to relationship, show a minimum of fake compassion and move on, but do they? Unfortunately for the pile of victims in that narc's wake, no they don't. That narc extracts everything from that relationship and takes it all for themselves and the incredible negative impact, the cost to their victims is multitudes greater than any small pleasure, or benefit they get from shirking their responsibility as an adult in a relationship they seek to exit. That narc refuses to honor the debt, the responsibility they incurred by verbally and under false pretense committing to a relationship. Yes a few grains of gain for the narc cost the victim their entire existence. So that crime of the narc becomes obvious. They don't have an ounce of concern for anyone but themselves. Not an ounce of concern for a person they purposely deceived and extracted a genuine relationship from. But the crime goes further. It isn't enough the victim is destroyed. The narc then in their own warped mind can't help themselves but to self righteously deny that previous partner any answers and then decides to even take advantage of that situation. They then flaunt their new relationship and remove any last vestige of their previous partner's self esteem and self confidence. So yes even if somehow that narc is a narc through no fault of their own, that can never be used as an excuse for the damage they do to others. That narc is an adult human being and culpable for all of their actions towards others. It isn't necessarily their narcissism that hangs the narc in the end, it is how that narcissism, that cold hearted lack of concern for anyone but themselves, plays itself out in other people's lives. That is the narc's crime and it is inexcusable. That narc only puts on an act of concern for others when it is to their advantage in the idealization and mirroring phase. The true nature of the beast only shows up when there is no longer any gain for the narcissist. How foolish can a human being be to incur such a huge cosmic debt that could have been totally avoided for a minimal outlay? Yes we are now looking at a love relationship as simply a transaction with no emotions attached to it. We are looking at a relationship in the same detached coldness as a narcissist and even under these stark conditions it is inconceivable that a person wouldn't have enough sense to at least take into account that they will one day have to pay for all of the evil and harm that they have done. That would keep most people up at night. Yes we reap what we sow whether we believe in God or not, because God does exist and is in control. Yes that narc is a slave to sin, a greatly indebted individual who has committed crimes that warrant a jail sentence and public exposure and they go nowhere without always looking over their shoulder. Yes the narc has a history, they have numerous sins and those crimes follow the narc wherever that narc goes. The narc, despite all of their denial is aware of those crimes. In many ways the narc is actually proud of all that they have gotten away with, but that is just the equivalent of whistling in the dark. Only Jesus can take away that debt, can give that narc a chance to have peace and joy and walk in the sun, no longer worrying about what is in their past and with the ability to look forward to a bright future. But a phony, patronizing, lying acknowledgment of “having found God” with no evidence of anything but more lying and deception shows that so called conversion to be yet another ruse in an effort to manipulate. Targets victimized by narcs have a responsibility to themselves to learn about narcissism and learn about what made them vulnerable to narcissists. Yes sometimes trusting others and assuming the best is the fool's way and it is the target's responsibility to no longer be a fool. There is no need to be paranoid and cynical and assume the worst of others, that is the narc's way of looking at the world and that philosophy hardly qualifies as wisdom. No, we continue to think the best of others, but we will be aware and be more vigilant, and be less willing to give away trust without doing our homework. Living in a dark world where you always assume everyone is lying and has ulterior motives may make you less vulnerable to being deceived, but looking at the world in that warped way produces all sorts of other misconceptions and in the end that person creates more problems for themselves than they ever solved. We will leave that world view to the narcissist. No wonder they are miserable people with no hope. It is the target's responsibility to gain knowledge and understanding of covert narcissism and see where they failed. The target does need to understand their role in the dysfunction of the relationship while at the same time realizing that the full culpability for the abuse in that relationship rested solely on the shoulders of the narcissist. Yes an informed victim does his or her homework and is amazed at how they can learn to spot a liar. Those narcs go through every tell and it is quite amusing to see someone lie in real time while you know they are lying. Call the narc out on an obvious lie and they double down, never admitting anything. No we won't be giving away what we know to narcissists because they will simply try to find another way to get around the “tells”. Public agencies have decoded lying and that information is available. Continuous vigilance and scrutiny in an effort to discern fact from fiction in our everyday lives is no longer an issue for the informed target, since we will be avoiding narcissists in the future. But we will make it a point to be more aware in our dealings with all people. We will, however, never lose our optimism, or our belief that many people are good and have good intentions that are genuine. So what is the chief crime of the narcissist? Not caring about anyone but themselves and being selfish to such a depraved level that it would boggle the average person's mind. All of the narc's evil actions stem from that lack of concern, lack of even the slightest concern about others. The average person can't conceive of the moral corruption that lurks in that narc's psyche and that is what allows narcs to ply their trade covertly and allows them to convince others that the victim is the person in the wrong. We know better. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. Take Note: Covert Narcissism is real, it exists. It's a fact of life that these people are roaming free in open society. There can never be a law against narcissism, because the covert narc is usually very careful in the way they abuse. Only when the narc is under pressure do they place themselves in potential legal jeopardy. It is the victim/target's most important task to not give the narc anything “to work with”. That narc will twist everything the ex partner does and make that person appear to be the perpetrator. The take away is this: Once you know you have been dealing with a covert narcissist partner NEVER EVER trust these people again or make yourself vulnerable. Not emotionally, not legally, not financially. Any potential “reform” in a situation where there might be an obligation on the victim's part to resume a relationship means that trust will need to be earned by that narc over years and possibly decades. But who would ever want to live that way? Yes covert narcissism is a fact of life but many will never believe. All we can do is warn people and create awareness.

Channel Update/Misconceptions of the Narc Abuse Target/The Fate of the Narcissist Just a quick channel update to my viewers. Thank you for the support and feedback over the past year and a half. Some concern was expressed about my situation. Yes I am here and I am currently in the process of moving and that is requiring all of my focus and attention. Much is being learned that will hopefully provide material for future videos. I have a completed script that I will be working on once time becomes available. So in the interim I will share some of my current thoughts on narcissism. I will break those thoughts down into two areas of interest: The first theme will be an effort to shed light on some major misconceptions the victim has after being discarded by a narcissist. That process will focus on the Herculean task the victim has of reinterpreting every experience they lived through for the period of time they spent with the narcissist. The damage a narcissist does to their partner is multifaceted. One of the major ways that harm is done is by creating a warped sense of reality in a previously sane and grounded partner. That phony fantasy world the narc draws the victim into creates a faulty perception of the narcissist in the victim's mind and causes that victim to have a faulty interpretation of what that relationship meant in the arc of their life. So a key component of the healing process is replacing those false mental images and ideas and the emotions that result from those illusions with the actual facts of the situation. Once the target correctly and accurately perceives the actual impact of that narcissistic relationship on their lives and sees the truth, the reality of that narcissist, they will be able to frame that relationship more accurately and put things into perspective. Yes, the fog does need to clear if we are ever to see things for what they actually are. Yes, the gaslighting, the mirroring, the reframing, the projection, the future faking, the lies, the treachery, just about all of the narc's wiles were all designed to create ambiguity, “fog”, confusion. Take away the misperception and that narc and the relationship come clearly into focus. Make no mistake the true appearance of that narcissist and that relationship will take the victim's breath away and make them nauseous, so it may take some time to adapt to the shock of it all. Sometimes harsh reality needs to be accepted in small doses, but regaining sanity and a sense of reality demands it. The second theme will be to share some current thoughts on the narcissist and their future fate. One of the first things that I noticed right after the treacherous discard and attack by that narcissist was that I somehow still felt close to and loved the person who had been so devious, treacherous, and evil towards me. Yes that narcissist came back to my place of work weeks later threatening me and curiously enough I still felt joy at having that creep close to me. That made no sense and yet it made all the sense in the world when you realize that you were still very much in love with the person you spent the last 2 ½ years of your life with. Yes the sack of filth standing before you was no longer that person and in fact was never that person, but still something inside of you hoped that your ex was somehow present inside of that ghoul. You were mistaken and only after learning about covert pathological narcissism could you even begin to understand how mistaken you were. Even in those early days I realized I was probably going to have to go through some sort of major learning process to finally deeply understand and comprehend how wrong that relationship with the narcissist was, what an incredible tragedy it was that this person came into my life. Using logic and reason and the realization of how totally fake the whole encounter with the narc was made it clear there was nothing good in that relationship, but my heart and emotions could only accept the “good” of it all. So to a discarded victim that demon was somehow still an angel and the future that narc and you planned out was the only version of happiness and joy that you could even conceive of. Yes I still believed that narc was the answer to my prayers sent by the forces of good, not the emissary of Satan they were in actuality. So it became clear to me very early on as I learned more and more about covert narcissism and the farce that was perpetrated upon me that I would eventually have to fully understand how wrong that relationship was and how destructive and evil a force that person was in my life. Yes, it seemed logical and rational that ultimately when I finally understood those two facts the departure of the narc would be seen for what it was in actuality: a blessing not a curse. But despite all of that slowly growing enlightenment, throughout all of those months of suffering my heart was still desperately holding on to the future that I had planned with this person. Knowledge gives power and the undeniable reality was that my ex was a covert pathological narcissist and that meant the person that I loved and believed in was simply a fabricated phony persona. That love, that loyalty, that future together and all of those plans, in fact every single interaction with that sick narcopath were merely game playing by a creature pretending to be a human being. So the battle rages on inside of the victim where the mind, logic and reason, the facts fight against the heart and soul taken over by a narcissist virus, causing the victim to tightly cling to the fantasy that the narcissist created. The sad outcome is a disintegrated human being suffering from cognitive dissonance. That virus of dysfunctional irrational illogical thinking transfers directly from the narc to the victim but make no mistake the narc plays an active role in infecting their target. The narc is the one who gaslights and deceives in every conceivable way until the target believes every lie without question and totally buys in to the fantasy world that narc custom makes for the occasion. Yes for the victim it is a lifetime commitment and the narc echoes that sentiment with their lips. But the fact is this is only another “occasion” for the narc and there is no way on earth the self deluded narc would ever belittle themselves and limit their life experience to a relationship with one insignificant human being. After all the narc's grandiosity complex dictates that they are god. Yes even a narc who grants a lifetime relationship to a chosen partner always sees the situation as one of lowering themselves and the resentment shows in the boorish hideous treatment these chosen “loved” ones have to endure behind closed doors. So the admonitions and heartfelt advice of some telling a victim to move on is well received. But we always have to realize that each individual and each individual's encounter with a narcissist is unique. To put this on a personal note, yes I feel that I have moved on and I am nearly healed. The person that was reduced to a confused, shocked, stunned human being desperately trying to understand what happened to them has learned what happened to him and is no longer confused. That person that fought hard to find out the truth has now found out the truth and accepted that harsh reality. Yes, throughout the months of learning about narcissism and mentally understanding what narcissism is all about my heart had different notions altogether but with time that heart did let go and did understand. But we all have a subconscious and no one has command of that portion of their mind. I can tell you that within the last three days I had another dream about that narcissist being so dissatisfied and me desperately wanting that person to be happy, to please them and what a relief it was when that narc finally threw me a few crumbs of approval. But that was in my dream and it told me that even now subconsciously I have not fully moved on or gotten over it even though I continue to progress mentally. That is a fact and denying that reality will not aid in a full recovery. Just look at the sad outcome of those who refuse to see reality and deny it, fight it. Just look at narcissists and what happens to a person who will never live in a world of reality, a world shared with others. True healing for the victim requires seeing things as clearly as possible. The important thing is that I now do understand that the narc was a force of evil in my life and I do feel fortunate for that creature being removed from my environment despite those residual attachments to the fantasy that narc created. So then we come to the narcissist themselves and their fate. The target eventually gets to a point where the fate of that narcissist is of minimal concern to them, but yet they are still curious and wondering to one extent or another what will happen to the narcopath. Yes it's hard to believe a treacherous deviant will simply walk away from all of the damage they did and not have to pay. But the target allows for that possibility, since God is in control and has purposes that are beyond any human being's comprehension. That leaves the target with peace and the possibility of living a life filled with joy. Well here’s the reality for that narcissist. Yes, that narc discarded you, found a weasel that was more than willing to destroy another human being they didn’t even know and viciously triangulated in their sick Karpman triangle. That narc mostly got it all their way except for the fact that the victim was still breathing and then had the audacity to actually put the effort in to repair the damage that narc perpetrated. Then the narc came up with their new ruse. Yes that narc moved on and has been rewarded. That narc has now met the right person in the right place at the right time. “True love”, with a “real man”, in an ideal environment, the place she was always meant to be. Let's forget about the cost of that achievement, after all it was borne by others and they are forgotten and discarded. Yes all of the components for the life that narc always thinks they deserved are in place. But there is a problem. Yes, even if we ignore the treachery, the multiple commitments made and walked away from. Even if we ignore the pile of victims in that narc's past, there is a problem. Yes, the kids are out of the house and the decks have been cleared of the unworthy but there is a problem. Let's ignore the fact that two years after the discard the damage that narc has done to her previous lifetime partner and soul mate still surrounds that forgotten one as his life is being held together with intense effort and intermittently threatening to fall to pieces. There is still a problem. Yes the narc has now met the right person at the right time in the right place under all of the right circumstances. As a bonus the narc has created the ultimate persona to go along with this ideal circumstance. There “final” persona. Yes that narc is smiling and happy and believes they have now finally found peace, joy, and contentment. But there is a problem and in fact there are multiple problems. Somehow the narc believes that just pretending their treachery never existed, denying that anything that was previously done actually occurred makes that narc think they are no longer responsible for the damage they have done. So the narc blindly goes on into their new life thinking that somehow everything will be just great and fine. But that’s not how the world works because even though that narc thinks they are the center of the world and even though they think that they control it all, the average sane human being understands that is a total delusion on the part of the narcissist. So that narc wanted our concern and our empathy. They wanted us to focus all of our attention on them and devote our lives to them and we did. Then they tired of it and threw us away finding a new source to satiate their warped appetite for destruction and now somehow that narc thinks that life will reward them with everything they ever wanted. Well, that won’t happen. The narc has baggage. The narc has a history. The narc has a pile of victims from their past a mile high and they will never be able to escape that reality. More important than all of those truths is the simple fact that the narc is blind to the fact that they have done this over and over and over again throughout their lives. Of course we always focus on the victims of these narcopathic sacks of filth and that is right to do, but that narc is also a victim of themselves. Every initial involvement was ideal for the narc as they idealized and mirrored the new and exciting soul mate and lifetime partner of the moment. Yes, the narc no longer wanted your care or your concern and you as an em path had to learn that it isn’t your obligation to heal another human being or to take responsibility for their happiness. It's not your responsibility to try to reason with a narc and make them understand. There is no talking reason and logic to someone who is repulsed by the truth. So the narc is headed for the cliff and you are unable to do a thing about it. Your hands are tied and the narc won't even listen. So that narc's fate plays itself out and that narc will destroy themselves by their own hand, either rapidly or slowly. It doesn't really matter, they are the masters of their destiny but they fail to see their own poor judgment and inability to navigate through or appreciate the precious opportunity that is life. So the narc deteriorates over time. Yes, that narc is destroying themselves and what we have learned is that the narcissist is their own enemy. Their misery has always come at their own hand and yet they’ve always pointed to another human being as the source of it. That narc can change their location and go to the most ideal tropical setting and have what they seemingly think is the most ideal life with the most ideal person and they will never be happy, they will always be miserable human beings. They will never have peace, they will never have joy, they will never have contentment, they will never be satisfied, and after all of the misery that they brought upon themselves they will never be able to really blame anyone but themselves because they did have opportunities. There were people who cared, there were people with insight into their lives that wanted to make a difference. Ultimately that narc will have to come face-to-face with their maker and there will be no one to point the finger at. The victim will similarly not be pointing to the narcissist for their woes. We are all responsible for ourselves and our behavior as human beings. So, does the victim need to wish that narc well? They can if they want to and have the desire to. Does the victim need to hope for the best when it comes to that narc? Sure if they feel the need to. We endeavor to do no harm to the narc, but is it OK to just be numb and neutral? It isn't like we didn't try or turned our back on the narc. So yes, in my opinion it's fine to no longer care at all what that narc's ultimate fate is, good or bad. The tragedy that surrounds us may well be primarily a result of that narcissist showing up at our doorstep, but ultimately the decision made to love that person and allow that person into our lives and our hearts and our minds was our own. Yes, we have to understand what it was inside of us that allowed us to make such a grievous mistake, but we should also take ourselves “off the hook”. Most of us could never conceive of and had never heard of a covert pathological narcissist. Most of us had no reason to doubt that narcissist or their sincerity. The narc on the other hand was well aware of the game being played. Now they believe that they will be rewarded? OK, Just like a previous video I maintain their past will haunt them not because of remorse, but because of fear. Even a narc has to realize eventually evil acts catch up with you. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

What the Covert Narcissist Fears Most: The covert narc is devoid of almost all of the positive emotions that most humans are capable of feeling, but they are not without emotion. The narc has been given a full capacity for feeling the negative emotions of envy and hatred. The narc is jealous of everyone that even has the slightest appearance of being better off or more accomplished than they. But the narc's greatest vulnerability lies in their ability to feel fear. So what exactly does the narc fear? Looking into this aspect of the narc opens up the whole gamut of what covert narcissism is all about. The narc is all about breaking rules while appearing to abide by them. The narc always seeks the advantage in any situation and one of the main ways of gaining an advantage is to use the morality, the true compassion, the empathy of others as tools of manipulation. Yes moral codes of conduct mean that others in the narc's environment are more predictable and therefore more easily manipulated. Moral codes of conduct also leave open a world of untapped possibilities and opportunities that others with morality would never contemplate. Sane people aren't paranoid and most people want to think the best of others. The narc couldn't be happier than to have someone believe that people are basically good. “Yes, keep on believing in the good of others while I pretend to be good publicly and live like a devil where no one can see” is the narc's attitude. The narc sees their opening by skirting all of the rules of morality. For example, the narc sees nothing wrong at all with having an affair if they can get away with it and this illustrates the narc's mentality and attitude perfectly. The narc's attitude is that they can find untapped possibilities by treading where no moral person would ever go. In the narc's mind this opens up all sorts of otherwise lost opportunities. So that affair is simply the narc having pleasure by not being concerned about the rules of morality. To the narc moral people are simply missing out on that fun. Many other examples could be given, but the bottom line is that the narc isn't bound by conscience, isn't effected by remorse and has zero empathy for any person that is harmed by their actions. This means the narc is free to take advantage of any opportunity that comes their way with little or no repercussions to themselves (their psyche). But it also means the narc has much to hide, much that must remain secret. The key to living this way is to be covert, appearing to be a totally different person than they actually are. This is the motivation behind the narc's many masks and personas. Those personas mean that the narc is in control and has convinced many that their outer persona is real. Only the narc has the inside information, the knowledge that this persona is all a ruse. Yes that mask is fully fabricated by the narc and one of that narc's biggest thrills is pulling off the sham and making people believe. The beauty of it all is that when the narc tires of that persona, or the environment, or the job or the relationship they will simply create yet another persona and entrap a whole new set of people to the next persona. The narc goes through life and perfects this duplicitous lifestyle and refines these false masks to a point where they can juggle two or three at the same time, tailoring every one of those personas to the appropriate environment. Yes, that is the nature of the narc's addiction, an addiction to duplicity, lying, and deception. The foundation of all of this is the narc's soul mate, their true companion that they have bonded to for life, their true lifetime partner that they have wedded themselves to: the lie. So when you look at the scope of a narcissist's life it becomes clear they are all about deception, lying and duplicity. Those narcs are addicted to living a lie and in fact would cease to exist if forced to be honest and truthful. Why? Because sadly, that narc is literally a hollow human being that abdicated their humanity somewhere in their early childhood. Yes putting on an act was so much easier than dealing with their own broken inner self. So the narc abandoned themselves in pursuit of the lie, the false persona, and in doing so much of the pain and suffering, much of the work that would have been required to build up that broken inner self, their real persona, was simply avoided. Instead the easy way out was to pretend. Yes many in that narc's environment would simply believe in that narc's fake persona and that meant the narc could have a persona that was far more accomplished, far grander than the actual narc themselves. Yes in the beginning that narc's grandiose statements were obvious chicanery, easily detected by others, but over time the narc refined their duplicity and more and more people believed. But the narc lost themselves in the process and now there is literally nothing, no one home deep inside that narc. If you look hard enough there is an immature child somewhere inside that narc that never developed into an adult, huddled in the corner hiding and incapable of interacting with the real world. But in essence the narc is empty and therefore their very existence now depends on maintaining a sham, deceiving others about themselves. Yes deep inside that narc knows they are empty. So the narc is now dependent on lies, duplicity, misdirection, and treachery. The narc is dependent on one false mask after another. The narc is forever mimicking and mirroring and plagiarizing the genuine personas of others and forever searching but never finding. No that narc will never find themselves, never find peace, never find contentment, never escape chaos. No that narc will never ever be able to feel comfortable with themselves because they are literally living a lie. So the question might be asked what if a narc stuck to one persona and “made it work”? Well the narc couldn't and wouldn't ever do that. Why? Because the narc knows that the persona is fake, is one dimensional, is fabricated and being that the narc knows this they are totally unfulfilled by even the most ideal situation. Yes that narc may find someone who loves them and cares, but to the narc this isn't real at all. First and foremost the narc can't appreciate the love and commitment of their partner, they don't have the emotional capacity to, and second the narc feels detached from all of that devotion because it is directed to a fabricated persona that the narc has created. The love from their partner is literally not owned by the narc at all in their mind, but instead directed to one of their disposable personas. So it becomes clear that for the narc to “own that love” they would need to own that fabricated persona and that is intolerable to the narcissist. Instead, the narc simply drains all of the energy out of the relationship and the partner using that false persona as the conduit. The narc is emotionally detached from both the partner and the relationship and really hasn't even committed to their own persona, their own false self. No the narc will move on eventually and create a newer, seemingly “better” persona and that new persona will be different but make no mistake it will be every bit as fake as the last one and therefore every bit as unsatisfying. So eventually the narc will get bored of both themselves (that fabricated self) and their new situation. That is the nature of covert narcissism. So now it becomes clear why the narcissist fears the truth, because it literally destroys them. The narc's very fabric, very substance is constructed of lies, making the term fabricated persona very appropriate. That persona is an amalgam of false experiences, mirrored and plagiarized traits that were simply stolen from other people mixed with the narc's embellished and modified actual experiences, but it is the lie that binds them all together. The truth, or the light would literally dissolve that narc and leave nothing behind. All the narc has and has ever had for the greater majority of their lives is one fake phony persona after another and that is all the narc will ever have. So what does the narc fear? Any person who insists on the truth, exposes the narc for what they are, exposes the narc's actions and words, pins that narcissist down and forces them to own their treachery, duplicity, and debauchery. So now it becomes clear why that covert narc deceives and gaslights and confuses. That narcissist is literally fighting for their existence. Yes that fake persona is all they have and all they are. The narc understands full well that no matter how well constructed, that fake persona will simply collapse like a house of cards if ever scrutinized in the light of truth, so the narc absolutely needs ambiguity and confusion, needs to have all the people that surround them in a fog. Now it becomes clear why the narc simply can't understand the value of the truth. In fact the narc hates the truth and most definitely loves the lie. The truth, and any clear thinking individual that sees through that narc's act is that covert narcissist's biggest nightmare. Coupled to that fear of the truth is fear of exposure, which is simply a revelation of the truth in any given environment. In this scenario the narc's life substance may not be at risk, but their ability to be treacherous and duplicitous is greatly reigned in. This makes the narc feel constrained and the narc's solution to that problem will be to simply make plans on changing their environment. When a region of a state has been exhausted the next stage is to move far away where there will be free reign to once again play their wicked game and perpetrate their ruse on a whole new frontier of ready victims. The beauty of this is that the narc can make up any story they wish about their past and the reality, the truth will be far away and out of reach to those new victims who are once again being preyed upon by that evil covert narcissist. So, aside from being constrained, what else is it about exposure that narc's fear? Well that narc cherishes their fake public “billboard” and they would never want their sordid acts and the abusive boorish behavior that is displayed behind closed doors to ever be publicly found out. So publicly the narc will say they love the truth and want honesty and transparency. Publicly that narc will put on the act of morality and compassion and even fake empathy, but it is all a phony display designed by the narc to get their much needed and wanted public attention and to be seen as a fine person. Then and only then are the good things in this world appreciated by the narc, because those publicly broadcast positive emotions are an absolute necessity for that narc to get that adulation that they so crave. Yes evil people do exist and the list of traits for evil people, lack of empathy, remorse and conscience, etc. describe the covert narcissist perfectly. So the narc will always fear the truth, fear being found out, fear being exposed, fear having that fine public persona shown to be what it is: fake. Yes those narcs are fake phony frauds through and through and they will always hate the truth because it stops them cold in their tracks and dissolves their very life substance, everything they are and all of the lies they hold so dear. The truth shatters the narc's public image and what lies behind that facade is not a pretty sight. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

Can a Covert Narcissist Reform? We all enter this world with a set of circumstances that are beyond our control. Our genetic makeup dictates many of our behaviors and the ability to feel empathy and have a conscience has proven genetic links. So the ability to feel empathy and have a conscience exhibits itself on a broad spectrum when you look at a cross section of the human race. Some individuals simply have a very low capacity to feel another's pain or care at all about another human being. Some people are born with a very weak conscience. The other aspect of what forms a person's emotional and psychological makeup is the environment that the person develops in. Morality and a world view and the principals of how we respond to the other people we come in contact with are absorbed by children naturally as they observe their parents interact with the people and circumstances those parents encounter as life unfolds. Yes parents teach their children right and wrong but many times it is the actual examples that parents show their children that have the most impact on that child. For instance, a parent that is sexually immoral and a liar may preach chastity and truthfulness but the child sees the reality of the situation and that parent's words carry no weight. So that child will pick up hypocrisy in a parent and this gives many a child license to do as they please since they see that the parent isn't living up to those high moral standards they are expecting of the child. Children also pick up on all of the bad habits of their parents, so a child that grows up with a pathological liar as a parent will pick that up and get into the dysfunctional habit of thinking that there is absolutely nothing at all wrong with lying. That child will observe their parent using lies to get what they need as well as get out of situations that would otherwise have dire consequences. So that child absorbs and picks up the utility of the lie, the usefulness of the lie. This same pattern plays itself out in many other ways, for example making a girl that sees her mother abused by her father somehow attracted to a man that has that same predilection. The subtle ways that children learn means they can without effort observe parents that live functional lives and intuitively learn that on a subconscious level, or conversely pick up all of the dysfunction of parents that are dysfunctional and be burdened with that dysfunction on a subconscious level. So the point to be made is that all of us are brought into this world and enter a lottery, a genetic one and an environmental one. The question then becomes is that situation we were born into ever an excuse for how we behave as adults? That genetic lottery goes far beyond just empathy and conscience, it includes intellect, it includes being born with looks and charm, it involves the ability to use logic and reason. So even someone born with a low capacity for empathy and a weak conscience does have other tools at their disposal. Similarly, that environment we are born into is not all there is. The child will eventually get out into the real world and observe others. A person in a dysfunctional home will have opportunities to see functional families and see the difference. A child going to school will see all sorts of other ways of living life than what they are exposed to at home. That child will have the ability to observe empathetic people and see the tangible effects of someone having a conscience. So as that child grows they will see that life doesn't have to be the way things are at home and that child will be able to understand the difference between right and wrong as well as at least be aware that a conscience exists and that some people are guided by their conscience while others aren't. As life goes on those who had an ideal upbringing and those who had a less than ideal upbringing slowly begin to take charge of their lives. The decisions these adolescents and young adults make are most definitely separate from those their parents would have made. So a child given everything both genetically and environmentally could end up on skid row and the disadvantaged child could use all of what life gave them and create a good life from those few positive gifts that both genetics and environment bestowed upon them. But how does that disadvantaged child do this? Well it all goes back to observing the world around you, comparing what you have and are being taught at home by your parent's example to what you see in the lives of others. Yes, your parent may be a liar, but society teaches you as a child that lying is wrong and then that child of a liar can keenly observe those that try living truthfully and compare that to the home situation. Some children will be indoctrinated into that lifestyle of lying and have a very difficult time departing from it. Yes what we learn and what we are predisposed to genetically creates patterns that are nearly inescapable. But there are people who break away and make something of themselves despite the most difficult circumstances of both genetics and environment. So, what about the narcissist? How do they fit into this discussion? Well any given narc, no matter how successful has decided over the course of their lives that there is nothing wrong with a lie as long as you can get away with it. The full blown covert narcissist cultivated their lying, having concluded despite all of their observations of truthful people growing up that they were quite comfortable lying. Yes that narc saw the upside of lying and made a conscious decision to cultivate the lie. That self same narcissist was most likely born with a capacity for empathy and a conscience of varying degrees. That narc felt their conscience, however weak or strong it was and decided that the conscience was an impediment to the type of person they wanted to be or the type of life they wanted to live. Now of course nothing is cut and dried and maybe that young narc gets a bad break and just uses logic and reason and sees nothing wrong with being a narc, because they never saw an example of how functional living that has a foundation of truth and empathy is actually far superior than the life of a narc. Maybe that young narc meets the wrong partner and those narcissistic tendencies are necessary to survive in the environment that they were placed into and over time that narcissism gets set in stone. Yes the importance of a conscience and the importance of genuine empathy and the importance of truthfulness just fall by the wayside. So fine, the argument can be made that a narcissist could have just gotten a series of bad breaks and never really been shown an example of functional living. But here is the key question and it speaks directly to if a covert narcissist could ever reform: Does that narc have the capacity in older age to go back in time and re evaluate those experiences as a child and re interpret what was going on? Does that narc have the capacity to compare and contrast the superiority and the freedom that comes with telling the truth and living a life where there is nothing to hide to their previous conclusion that lying serves quite well? So the real question is does a narc really want to change? We all know that the life of a narc is an unpleasant experience that leads to a person never being free, always needing to live in the shadows, always having something to hide, never having joy or peace. So does that narc really want to be happy and content and does that narc want to begin growing that conscience and heed it? In a spiritual sense does that narc finally want to follow a code of conduct that makes others as important if not more important than themselves? Yes the concept of giving of oneself to others and making them more important than ourselves is a frightening concept for the narc. That narc would be scared stiff to change, thinking that they would lose themselves if they didn't make themselves a high priority over others. That of course requires the ability to trust someone and the courage to make oneself vulnerable. So can a narc truly reform? Theoretically it is possible although there are very few if any reports of this ever having occurred. There could be the instance of a person that does have a capacity for a conscience and does have the capacity to feel remorse and empathy having been given a bad break by life and fallen into the pattern of covert narcissism. There are also reports of temporary narcissists that become that way because of intensely stressful environments. Well one way out of the narc matrix is to become a genuine believer in Jesus and it may well be the only way out for that subclass of narcissist that simply ignored their innate capacity for a conscience and empathy. Yes some people did get the genetic capacity to feel remorse and have a conscience but it was never given a chance to activate. So how can following Jesus help? Well as a believer we are taken “off the hook”. God tells us we are all sinners and imperfect and this removes a huge burden from our shoulders. All of the sudden we can forgive ourselves for not being perfect. We can admit to and embrace our weaknesses and imperfections and look to the Lord to gradually improve upon those imperfections. It no longer is about what we do but the genuineness of our faith, our reliance and belief in God's sovereignty in our lives and the world we live in. Our belief that God is reliable and will reward a true believer despite all outward appearances. So yes, a narc could be led to the truth and gradually leave behind their lives of deception and fear of being found out. Yes those who live in the light have nothing to hide, they simply admit to whatever sinful behavior that they have engaged in, knowing that God has forgiven them, knowing that every human being on this earth sins every day. Knowing that no individual has the right to judge them because every human being has “fallen short” in God's eyes. So when a narcissist makes an attempt at giving something to someone and provides truth, admitting to at least some of the obvious things they were previously denying that is a cause for celebration. Yes 80% of what came out of their mouths was lies and misdirection, but they made an attempt at telling the truth and did so. They made an attempt at providing closure. If a narc tries to do good sometimes we have to take that on face value and be happy for them and see that they may actually have the potential for reform. Cynicism and common sense about narcs dictates that the narc is probably doing this for themselves and their new relationship with a person they met on a social site and is building a life with in another state. But for the discarded victim that has a narc attempt to give closure we simply accept those gifts for what they are. Yes when a narc gives actual truth and admits to key pieces of information, that is a breakthrough for the narc and does allow the victim to heal. As far as what that narc is doing and who they are doing it with, that is inconsequential. As far as the narc's true motives or if they have actually found God that is inconsequential with regards to the gift given. The proof is in the pudding, where the rubber meets the road and only time will tell if this was a gaslighting operation, an attempt to silence, or a genuine display of empathy and remorse. The victim no longer has a dog in the fight and wishes that narc well. Yes, that narc is in God's hands and whether they knew it or not the information they gave, the narc's truthfulness confirmed everything for the victim. Shame, which is one of the narc's greatest motivators meant that the narc would never admit to something overtly, so in a way that narc was being as truthful as they could ever possibly be. My wishes and hopes are that the narc has truly had a conversion and will find happiness and joy and peace. But logic and a healthy skepticism mean that only time will tell. The previous victim will never have the opportunity to confirm or observe or verify that conversion from narc to normal. But that won't matter, the victim already has more than that narc knows in the way of closure. So can a covert narcissist reform themselves? I have yet to hear of a single verifiable report. But maybe I haven't looked hard enough. It is my sincerest wish that they can. With God all things are possible. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.