Love is the Drug, the Narc is the Pusher, and the Victim is the Addict: For the short term narc abuse victim, no matter how severe the injury there is an easier way out, a more direct path to becoming fully healed. This requires remembering the person you used to be, before all of the craziness and chaos the narc gradually and subtly introduced into your life. The victim needs to remember a time of relative peace, tranquility and stability. Of course, some victims were also severely compromised before the narc saw their vulnerability and took advantage of things, but let's be clear, no matter how damaged someone was BEFORE narc abuse, their situation is infinitely much worse after their narc encounter. So, if the victim plays their cards right and uses the aftermath of their narc abuse as a sign to reflect upon life, to really think about what was missing before the narc was introduced to them then maybe there could actually be an even healthier and more balanced person emerging from the other end of narc abuse, provided they weren't married and didn't share children. For the short term victim, healing really goes into full force when the victim begins coming to his senses and starts remembering the person (he or she) used to be . The “aha” moment is when the victim starts getting back a sense of themselves, their own inner integrity, the victim starts seeing themselves as a sovereign human being who can exist and be quite happy alone. Sort of like the situation before the narcissist crossed their path. The greatest benefit to no contact is that eventually you do come to your senses and then you can look back and try to understand why it was so difficult to pull away from that abusive, self-destructive and erosive relationship with the narc. My conclusion, you were addicted to the artificial love that the narc offered and just like every other drug addiction you couldn't help but go back for more of the drug and eventually began compromising your values and integrity to get more of that drug. Genuine love is already very powerful, it has been biologically programmed to be powerful enough to bond two people together for a lifetime. The narc's brand of love, since it is totally artificial, doesn't exhibit the signs of genuine love because it isn't based on natural feelings and it isn't based on genuine or even practical promises. The narc has no feelings of love, they only mimic a surreal and in some ways more powerful version of the real thing. This “love” is more powerful because the narc pulls out all of the stops and is not inhibited by practical things like worrying about fulfilling all or even any of the promises they make, worrying about actually spending a life in the impractical and ridiculous future they promised their partner would be a reality, worrying about destroying a person by giving them false hope. Lying fills in any of the gaps that might even begin to make the victim suspect that the narc's love isn't “for real”. The narc is free to promise the moon and all other things just as impractical and impossible because she is creating an illusion with no substance to back things up. Yes you can promise that a photo of a mansion will one day be yours, that isn't the hard part. The actual deed to the mansion is the proof of the pudding. Again, it is always the reliable lie that gets the narc out of any tight corner. So, just like every other drug, that artificial love makes you feel good but is incredibly destructive to your psyche. Yes, with or without knowing it the narc is the ultimate drug pusher. The narc deals in all of the internal chemicals that cause a feeling of love and contentment , the endorphins and other “feel good” chemicals we naturally generate inside ourselves, many of which have yet to be discovered. The narc's brand of artificial love is like the crack cocaine of love since it is not constrained by reality. That is what makes a relationship with a narcissist so destructive. So you got yourself into this dead end situation where you were a seeming slave to the whims of another person. Let's think about how the narc did this by pursuing the drug analogy further. Well there is a drug on the market and it is safe to use and seems to be benefiting people and improving their lives. Some people are immune to the effects of this drug and are amused at how its power effects the people around them. These immune people are jealous when they see the joy and contentment of the people using this drug, so they decide they have had enough of being left out in the cold. Maybe they can't benefit from the drug, but at least they can figure out a way of reaping the benefits of the drug even if they can't actually feel the effects. So this immune person sets about making his own special version of that drug and he is totally unconcerned about the health effects of this counterfeit unnaturally powerful version of the original drug. That person isn't concerned with safety. This drug is addictive and the higher the dose the greater the addiction, so the drug pusher approaches an innocent victim, someone who would never dream of taking any unproven or unsafe drugs and offers that person some free chewing gum laced with a small amount of the counterfeit drug- free of charge no strings attached. For some reason the gum, that seems just like any other gum made the victim feel good and when they try to get the same feeling from other chewing gum it just isn't there. So they go back to their friend (the narc)and ask where they can get some more of that gum. Answer: only the narc has access to the gum and being the nice person that they are they give a whole pack of the gum to the victim, again free of charge. Well that gum just has a little extra of that drug in it and the narc just looks at the calendar and knows what is coming next. Sure enough 2 days go by and the victim is back for more gum. Well now the narc charges a very reasonable fee for the next pack. The victim starts realizing they are becoming dependent on this gum so they decide to go cold turkey and after about a month they are just fine without the gum. Well just about that time their friend the narc phones the victim and asks how the victim is doing. “Just fine”, answers the victim. Well the narc has some more free gum, so much they don't know what to do with it. Come around any time if you are interested . The victim decides, no I won't be wanting any more of that gum, but then happens to run across the narc and well the gum is given to them and they can't refuse it. Sure enough the victim goes into the same cycle, but now it is much more difficult to say no. Unbeknownst to the victim the gum is now at higher potency and the effects are more powerful, but the victim doesn't even realize it. Now the victim comes back to the narc every day and gradually the narc laces that gum with ever higher and higher concentrations of the drug. After 2 months the supply of this gum starts going down a bit and the demand is up so the narc has to double then triple the charge for that gum, the victim now willingly pays, they need that gum. Well then comes the day about 4 months into that first taste that the gum is no longer available, not for any price. But the narc is a nice person and has saved a stockpile of gum, but it is very limited, so the victim is really going to have to do a lot more if they want another pack of gum. By now the victim would leave their family and sell everything they had just for a supply of that gum. Well, because the victim is special and means a lot to the narc the victim is chosen to continue getting their supply of this limited commodity above all others. But the victim had better be loyal and do exactly what the narc says or they will be cut off. Well this person is now a full blown drug addict, they have lost so much and don't even realize it, they have lost most of their self confidence, and they have become totally dependent on that gum. The drug slowly eroded the victim to the point that they aren't even desirable any more, or at least they feel that way. In fact the narc is suddenly quite bored with that person and doesn't really want anything to do with them. But the narc feels an obligation. The victim is given an ultimatum, do something that they consider to be immoral or no more gum. The victim has a tough few days, but refuses. The narc decides they will no longer want to see the victim. The victim calls begging for just one more pack of gum. The answer from the narc is a cold NO. That gum is too valuable and it is being reserved for the narc's new friend. A person that the victim is unaware of. That narc sees the new friend as being far superior to that ravaged lunatic that was their previous partner. The new partner has a sense of themselves, that new partner is a real man, not some dependent wimp like the old partner. The old partner has lost everything, they beg and plead for just one stick of gum. “No, I don't have any more” is the answer. The victim is finally told they are a bother and any further calls will result in the Police getting involved and a restraining order. But I know you have some gum says the victim, please just help me overcome my need for the gum, please just give me a few sticks so I can wean myself off. Answer NO. But you are giving packs of gum to that stranger, he isn't your friend, I am. What are you talking about you delusional fool says the narc. There is no more gum and I don't have a new friend. The narc now feels omnipotent, powerful, magnificent. The narc is now drunk with the power they wield over another human being. So the narc decides to have some fun. The new friend is told to start telling the victim that yes indeed there is gum available and how good that gum tastes and how wonderful it is. In fact the new version of the gum is even more effective at giving a high. By the way the victim will never get a piece. Why? Well, the victim is a lunatic not like the new partner who is cool as a cucumber. The new partner was patient and not at all desperate and that is why he deserves the gum. He and he alone. The narc makes a number of wonderful posts on a public site. She posts the lyrics to a popular song that has deep meaning for her with the lyrics saying to the effect, “I need a new lover right away” another post: “It only takes one friend, just one.” and the topper a “heartfelt” poem (off the shelf but cropped to look original) about how grateful the narc is for the new friend. Then the weasel, the narc's new partner begins posting dozens of derogatory posts and death threats and boasts about being a warrior on his site. Of course the weasel coward hid behind the authorities when confronted to back up the threats. So, eventually the victim goes through withdrawal and comes back to their senses and that is when the work begins. The work of trying to understand what happened to them, trying to understand why every other relationship ended normally but this one didn't. Then it becomes clear you were an addict without even knowing it and the narc partner purposely turned you into one using the tools of lying, deception, gaslighting, the list goes on. But the clincher is this, the unbelievable clincher, the reality that you have to repeat to yourself day after day: the person who you knew as your partner never existed, that persona was just a false mask. The person you loved was a lie, a fabricated construct, and then comes the hardest revelation of all: that fake person never loved you. You are now sober. Every day you get stronger and every day you think more clearly. Every day you realize that your relationship with the narc was totally artificial and every day you realize the incredible reality that the narc was lying to you about everything. The whole premise of the relationship was a lie from top to bottom, built on a foundation of “future faking”. Yes that future was a reality for you and you were planning for it in every way. The narc's task was simply to come up with a plan, a way to fabricate a plausible reason for why that future would never take place. Of course the narc will make sure that the victim thinks it is all his fault that the glorious future never came to pass. Yes, the narc will make sure the victim thinks it's all their fault. But you are now thinking again and you are sorting things out and putting the pieces together. With knowledge and understanding the narc's fakery comes clearly into focus and you see everything for what it really was. The truth is painful, but it is the only path to genuine healing. You begin to remember that you are a person that is desirable and has value. You are getting yourself back, and with the new knowledge you learned in the process you will build a more meaningful life and even better life than before that unfortunate occurrence, the encounter with a pathological narcissist. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

The Narcissist is Haunted by Their Actions Part 3, Conscience: First one disclaimer. Please keep in mind these comments are my opinion. I am not a mental health professional. I am describing actual observations on ONE person that I was truly trying to understand while in a relationship. All of the actual explanation and much of the detailed insight was gained after the relationship ended. I have spent hours every day for nearly 4 years trying to understand this individual and that is my only qualification for discussing this subject. So, let's proceed. The severe, comprehensive damage that the pathological covert narcissist does to the people around them is undeniably diabolical. The narc is pure evil and the damage they do persists for years after they finally discard the victim that has been depleted and is no longer useful. The implication that a narcopath has a conscience seems to imply that the narc has some humanity, some good inside of them. Let me make this clear. The person I was with was a true pathological covert narcissist. I am still comprehending the total depravity and darkness of this person and day by day I see that this person hasn't got a shred of decency in them. I truly believe that narc's only chance is a genuine, life changing, dedication of their life to Jesus and making Him their Lord and Savior. I will always hope for that for that person. I will always hope there is a shred of humanity and conscience and remorse somewhere inside that dark heart. Furthermore, there is the possibility this person is under the influence of a demon, in which case there is hope if they could only be freed from their enslavement. Unfortunately this person's arrogance and high opinion of themselves will never allow them to “bow their knee “ to Jesus. Their body would have to suffer 20 times the amount of pain it could tolerate, and their psyche as well, before they would ever humble themselves. This person is in effect unreachable with no hope. I have now put things in context. So, are narcissists totally devoid of a conscience and remorse? Let's remember that Narcissism is on a spectrum and is a constellation of signs and symptoms and every one of those signs exhibits itself differently in every narc. Therefore, it is tough to generalize, since you have to allow for all of the variations in each and every narc. There is some general agreement that narcissists do have a trace of remorse and empathy and conscience, just that the narc will always place a higher priority on their own needs. I witnessed that personally. Here is a true example. I needed to have my cat that was suffering immediately put to sleep, but the narc actually thought it an inconvenience. I was told I should have waited, because the timing was not convenient for the narc. The narc actually became nasty right after this and was yelling and arguing with me the rest of the day. Not an ounce of empathy? Right, but here is the very critical part I left until the end. That narc did actually give me a hug and support for about 5 minutes after the actual event. Those 5 minutes where I actually needed her emotional support and drew on her energy. She seemed to care and I assumed she did. But then there was silence after those 5 minutes and not long after the hostility and anger at me, the shocking callousness that left me scratching my head for days and weeks. Of course not another word would be said about how I felt about losing my animal and I knew that I would never again expect any support from this person. If another similar situation arose with an animal I would go it alone figuring I could never put any of my needs ahead of the slightest minor needs of this person and I learned never to expect an ounce of emotional support from her. I thought this is what a man should do, give emotional support but never expect it from the woman and I adjusted my attitude, but still that calloused indifference didn't jive with the professed love she had for me, there was just something “off” and it made me wonder. The consensus is yes, narcissists do have empathy, remorse, and a conscience, but they are at such a low level and so unreliable that they are in effect absent. So now let's focus on the narcissist and how can it be that they are haunted, or plagued, by their actions and yet they don't have a conscience or remorse. Let's use another metaphor. There is and alligator in a river and their main meal is fish and they consume fish every day. Then someone releases a non native catfish into the river and over time these catfish multiply. These particular catfish have the ability to give off a shock when a predator tries to eat them. Well one day that alligator happens to bite into an electric catfish and is severely shocked. Immediately after, that alligator now looks at every fish and is afraid to bite into it. Eventually after 2 or 3 days, hunger wins out and the alligator takes another meal of fish. This time there is no shock and the alligator gradually gets back to his normal routine, consuming fish every day. Yes there was some initial hesitation, but eventually the alligator was totally back to normal. All the while the electric catfish were multiplying and then a month passes and the alligator catches another catfish and gets shocked. The alligator once again goes on a hunger strike and once again slowly gets back into the routine, but this time the alligator is more cautious and carefully observes the type of fish he will sink his teeth into. So is the alligator remorseful for having eaten fish? Has the alligator now got a conscience? It sure appears that way. Look at how carefully he looks at that fish before he eats it. He must be contemplating the poor fish's suffering before he consumes it for his meal. We know that is really not the case, it only appears that the alligator has a conscience. Now let's get back to the narcissist. The narcissist may have the emotional capacity of an alligator, but she does have the mental capacity of a human. So that electric catfish takes on a hundred different forms for the narc. She lied at a critical job interview and lost that job opportunity because of the lie, so she now realizes she needs to be honest or lie more effectively. She was too obvious about her lack of concern in the last relationship so she now more carefully mimics the signs of being a concerned supportive partner. She was caught in adultery multiple times and each time very carefully analyzed the situation and modified her behaviors to make the next adulterous affair less detectable all the while putting up a smokescreen to her partner about being remorseful and truly having a deep painful conviction of her conscience. She has refined her act to the point where she makes these professions of conscience while at the very same time is already starting and into another affair. Yes the narc has turned treachery into a high and fine art. They perfect their evil over time. So the narc is haunted by her past actions, her failure in pulling off her treachery. Her failure in lying effectively. Her failure to deceive those around her. Then we get into the other aspect of the haunting and that is the element of fear and anxiety that can turn into full blown paranoia, where the narc panics and projects all of her duplicity, treachery and malice onto another human being. She literally perceives someone with nothing but love for her, no desire whatsoever to harm her, as a predator out to damage her in any way possible, sort of like she wants to do to others. Yes, that narc is constantly looking over her shoulder. She does ponder her actions, she does think about the repercussions of her evil duplicitous treachery, her lying and deceit, but it isn't due to a conscience. She has seen her actions go terribly wrong in the past and suffered the painful results. She doesn't have a correct concept of God and how He works in people's lives because she refuses to submit her will to a greater being. She dabbles in the eastern religions and likes the concept of karma since it doesn't require an actual subjugation of herself to God. In fact, for the narc, she can retain her self decreed “goddess” status and a belief in karma at the same time, no conflicts. Karma to the narc is whatever she defines it as. One slightest injury to the narcissist may result in karma, the narcissist's brand of karma, imposing a thousand fold penalty on the wrongdoer. Yes, the touch of a feather on the narcs hand could result in the perpetrator losing their whole hand. That is the warped illogical justice the narc imposes on others that have the unfortunate experience of being sucked into her dark kingdom. So this is another source of that haunting. The narc doesn't understand that karma is not what she makes it, illogical and unpredictable, so she lives in a world of paranoia and is constantly concerned about her brand of illogical karma. Repercussions for actions which are out of proportion or unexpected for the action done. Yes, the narc is a victim of her own warped world. I have observed personally this incoherent logic, the inability to connect her actions to the potential punishment. She actually thought that another human being would suffer for a totally unrelated action that she did. Now did the narc really believe that an unrelated person could actually pay the price for her transgressions? Maybe. But of course, with the narcissist nothing is that straightforward. This could have been just another one of her covert attempts at gaslighting and manipulation, feigning the fear of karma, trying to put on an act of concern about karma but giving herself away in the presentation, by presenting an obviously counterfeit version of the karma that she was afraid of. So in conclusion the narcissist is haunted by her actions. The haunting is unlikely to have anything to do with a conscience or remorse, and more to do with fear for what might happen to her, even though you can't rule out that a small amount of conscience may be involved. Because the narc has never lived by the rules of a higher power, that of a Christian God with very consistent definitions of what sin is and somewhat predictable punishments for bad behavior, her concept of retribution for bad behavior is warped and incoherent. The narc won't even believe in the generally accepted consensus of how karma may come back to revisit someone, because again it means she would have to live by rules that others have decided on. The narc is therefore left living in a world where there are uncertain and unpredictable repercussions for any action whatsoever. This is what happens to those who are untrustworthy, duplicitous treacherous, unreliable, disloyal frauds, people who don't care for truth and justice. People who don't care to live by coherent external standards and codes of conduct. Yes the narc thinks herself free and sovereign, but has actually enslaved herself in a warped unpredictable world. The narc lives in a dark bleak world devoid of love, compassion, empathy. A world where no one can be trusted, filled with anger, envy, bitterness, fear, with nothing to have faith in or believe in other than the lie. Yes, the narc does trust in her own lies and she is led by the nose by the father of lies and chaos and incoherence. That would be the devil. He keeps her on a short leash and she follows his every command because she has been given over to her own iniquity. My opinion. Thank you for watching, your comments are welcomed.