Love is the Drug, the Narc is the Pusher, and the Victim is the Addict: For the short term narc abuse victim, no matter how severe the injury there is an easier way out, a more direct path to becoming fully healed. This requires remembering the person you used to be, before all of the craziness and chaos the narc gradually and subtly introduced into your life. The victim needs to remember a time of relative peace, tranquility and stability. Of course, some victims were also severely compromised before the narc saw their vulnerability and took advantage of things, but let's be clear, no matter how damaged someone was BEFORE narc abuse, their situation is infinitely much worse after their narc encounter. So, if the victim plays their cards right and uses the aftermath of their narc abuse as a sign to reflect upon life, to really think about what was missing before the narc was introduced to them then maybe there could actually be an even healthier and more balanced person emerging from the other end of narc abuse, provided they weren't married and didn't share children. For the short term victim, healing really goes into full force when the victim begins coming to his senses and starts remembering the person (he or she) used to be . The “aha” moment is when the victim starts getting back a sense of themselves, their own inner integrity, the victim starts seeing themselves as a sovereign human being who can exist and be quite happy alone. Sort of like the situation before the narcissist crossed their path. The greatest benefit to no contact is that eventually you do come to your senses and then you can look back and try to understand why it was so difficult to pull away from that abusive, self-destructive and erosive relationship with the narc. My conclusion, you were addicted to the artificial love that the narc offered and just like every other drug addiction you couldn't help but go back for more of the drug and eventually began compromising your values and integrity to get more of that drug. Genuine love is already very powerful, it has been biologically programmed to be powerful enough to bond two people together for a lifetime. The narc's brand of love, since it is totally artificial, doesn't exhibit the signs of genuine love because it isn't based on natural feelings and it isn't based on genuine or even practical promises. The narc has no feelings of love, they only mimic a surreal and in some ways more powerful version of the real thing. This “love” is more powerful because the narc pulls out all of the stops and is not inhibited by practical things like worrying about fulfilling all or even any of the promises they make, worrying about actually spending a life in the impractical and ridiculous future they promised their partner would be a reality, worrying about destroying a person by giving them false hope. Lying fills in any of the gaps that might even begin to make the victim suspect that the narc's love isn't “for real”. The narc is free to promise the moon and all other things just as impractical and impossible because she is creating an illusion with no substance to back things up. Yes you can promise that a photo of a mansion will one day be yours, that isn't the hard part. The actual deed to the mansion is the proof of the pudding. Again, it is always the reliable lie that gets the narc out of any tight corner. So, just like every other drug, that artificial love makes you feel good but is incredibly destructive to your psyche. Yes, with or without knowing it the narc is the ultimate drug pusher. The narc deals in all of the internal chemicals that cause a feeling of love and contentment , the endorphins and other “feel good” chemicals we naturally generate inside ourselves, many of which have yet to be discovered. The narc's brand of artificial love is like the crack cocaine of love since it is not constrained by reality. That is what makes a relationship with a narcissist so destructive. So you got yourself into this dead end situation where you were a seeming slave to the whims of another person. Let's think about how the narc did this by pursuing the drug analogy further. Well there is a drug on the market and it is safe to use and seems to be benefiting people and improving their lives. Some people are immune to the effects of this drug and are amused at how its power effects the people around them. These immune people are jealous when they see the joy and contentment of the people using this drug, so they decide they have had enough of being left out in the cold. Maybe they can't benefit from the drug, but at least they can figure out a way of reaping the benefits of the drug even if they can't actually feel the effects. So this immune person sets about making his own special version of that drug and he is totally unconcerned about the health effects of this counterfeit unnaturally powerful version of the original drug. That person isn't concerned with safety. This drug is addictive and the higher the dose the greater the addiction, so the drug pusher approaches an innocent victim, someone who would never dream of taking any unproven or unsafe drugs and offers that person some free chewing gum laced with a small amount of the counterfeit drug- free of charge no strings attached. For some reason the gum, that seems just like any other gum made the victim feel good and when they try to get the same feeling from other chewing gum it just isn't there. So they go back to their friend (the narc)and ask where they can get some more of that gum. Answer: only the narc has access to the gum and being the nice person that they are they give a whole pack of the gum to the victim, again free of charge. Well that gum just has a little extra of that drug in it and the narc just looks at the calendar and knows what is coming next. Sure enough 2 days go by and the victim is back for more gum. Well now the narc charges a very reasonable fee for the next pack. The victim starts realizing they are becoming dependent on this gum so they decide to go cold turkey and after about a month they are just fine without the gum. Well just about that time their friend the narc phones the victim and asks how the victim is doing. “Just fine”, answers the victim. Well the narc has some more free gum, so much they don't know what to do with it. Come around any time if you are interested . The victim decides, no I won't be wanting any more of that gum, but then happens to run across the narc and well the gum is given to them and they can't refuse it. Sure enough the victim goes into the same cycle, but now it is much more difficult to say no. Unbeknownst to the victim the gum is now at higher potency and the effects are more powerful, but the victim doesn't even realize it. Now the victim comes back to the narc every day and gradually the narc laces that gum with ever higher and higher concentrations of the drug. After 2 months the supply of this gum starts going down a bit and the demand is up so the narc has to double then triple the charge for that gum, the victim now willingly pays, they need that gum. Well then comes the day about 4 months into that first taste that the gum is no longer available, not for any price. But the narc is a nice person and has saved a stockpile of gum, but it is very limited, so the victim is really going to have to do a lot more if they want another pack of gum. By now the victim would leave their family and sell everything they had just for a supply of that gum. Well, because the victim is special and means a lot to the narc the victim is chosen to continue getting their supply of this limited commodity above all others. But the victim had better be loyal and do exactly what the narc says or they will be cut off. Well this person is now a full blown drug addict, they have lost so much and don't even realize it, they have lost most of their self confidence, and they have become totally dependent on that gum. The drug slowly eroded the victim to the point that they aren't even desirable any more, or at least they feel that way. In fact the narc is suddenly quite bored with that person and doesn't really want anything to do with them. But the narc feels an obligation. The victim is given an ultimatum, do something that they consider to be immoral or no more gum. The victim has a tough few days, but refuses. The narc decides they will no longer want to see the victim. The victim calls begging for just one more pack of gum. The answer from the narc is a cold NO. That gum is too valuable and it is being reserved for the narc's new friend. A person that the victim is unaware of. That narc sees the new friend as being far superior to that ravaged lunatic that was their previous partner. The new partner has a sense of themselves, that new partner is a real man, not some dependent wimp like the old partner. The old partner has lost everything, they beg and plead for just one stick of gum. “No, I don't have any more” is the answer. The victim is finally told they are a bother and any further calls will result in the Police getting involved and a restraining order. But I know you have some gum says the victim, please just help me overcome my need for the gum, please just give me a few sticks so I can wean myself off. Answer NO. But you are giving packs of gum to that stranger, he isn't your friend, I am. What are you talking about you delusional fool says the narc. There is no more gum and I don't have a new friend. The narc now feels omnipotent, powerful, magnificent. The narc is now drunk with the power they wield over another human being. So the narc decides to have some fun. The new friend is told to start telling the victim that yes indeed there is gum available and how good that gum tastes and how wonderful it is. In fact the new version of the gum is even more effective at giving a high. By the way the victim will never get a piece. Why? Well, the victim is a lunatic not like the new partner who is cool as a cucumber. The new partner was patient and not at all desperate and that is why he deserves the gum. He and he alone. The narc makes a number of wonderful posts on a public site. She posts the lyrics to a popular song that has deep meaning for her with the lyrics saying to the effect, “I need a new lover right away” another post: “It only takes one friend, just one.” and the topper a “heartfelt” poem (off the shelf but cropped to look original) about how grateful the narc is for the new friend. Then the weasel, the narc's new partner begins posting dozens of derogatory posts and death threats and boasts about being a warrior on his site. Of course the weasel coward hid behind the authorities when confronted to back up the threats. So, eventually the victim goes through withdrawal and comes back to their senses and that is when the work begins. The work of trying to understand what happened to them, trying to understand why every other relationship ended normally but this one didn't. Then it becomes clear you were an addict without even knowing it and the narc partner purposely turned you into one using the tools of lying, deception, gaslighting, the list goes on. But the clincher is this, the unbelievable clincher, the reality that you have to repeat to yourself day after day: the person who you knew as your partner never existed, that persona was just a false mask. The person you loved was a lie, a fabricated construct, and then comes the hardest revelation of all: that fake person never loved you. You are now sober. Every day you get stronger and every day you think more clearly. Every day you realize that your relationship with the narc was totally artificial and every day you realize the incredible reality that the narc was lying to you about everything. The whole premise of the relationship was a lie from top to bottom, built on a foundation of “future faking”. Yes that future was a reality for you and you were planning for it in every way. The narc's task was simply to come up with a plan, a way to fabricate a plausible reason for why that future would never take place. Of course the narc will make sure that the victim thinks it is all his fault that the glorious future never came to pass. Yes, the narc will make sure the victim thinks it's all their fault. But you are now thinking again and you are sorting things out and putting the pieces together. With knowledge and understanding the narc's fakery comes clearly into focus and you see everything for what it really was. The truth is painful, but it is the only path to genuine healing. You begin to remember that you are a person that is desirable and has value. You are getting yourself back, and with the new knowledge you learned in the process you will build a more meaningful life and even better life than before that unfortunate occurrence, the encounter with a pathological narcissist. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.