Trust and the Narcissist: The narcissist trusts no one. They are suspicious of every word and gesture of those they come in contact with. This attitude is one of the many ways that narcissists make themselves dysfunctional and dissociate themselves with reality. The inability to trust makes narcs inefficient in all that they do and holds them back in many ways, but the narc never sees things that way. Yes, the narc views those who trust as dysfunctional and naive and the narc can point to numerous occasions where being trusting burnt the person who trusted. The narc never sees the big picture, the fact that we all understand that people can't be fully trusted and that the trust we give others is based on experience and testing the waters. So the trust a normal person places in another human being is earned by the person who receives that trust. This ability to give trust appropriately can only be learned by trusting, getting burned and then re-evaluating a healthier way of continuing to trust others. Of course the narc has a severe handicap when it comes to trust. They have only themselves to use as a reference point and the narc is totally aware of the treachery, deceit and duplicity that lurks inside of them. So the narc thinks any trust given to anyone is misplaced. Of course that is true only when a normal human being encounters a narc. Yes, the narc will take advantage of even the smallest amount of trust and belief we place in them. But the narc fails to see that trust is his or her problem, not a problem for normal people who don't seek to lie and deceive people in every way. Yes the narc deceives and plays their game for important things and even in the most trivial things. The narc is wedded to duplicity and will never come clean. Yes the narc will stick to the most insignificant lie and never admit to having lied. Even in the face of the truth. Why? Because the narc takes great pride in that ability to lie and also because the narc's flawless ability to lie relies on the narc themselves clinging to and believing that lie to be true. So what are the nuts and bolts of the narc's thought process with regard to trust? No one but the narc knows for sure, but let's do some informed speculation. Yes, I was intimately involved with a covert narc and actually put a huge effort in to try to understand her. So again, the narc views the average healthy person who trusts as a fool, as dysfunctional and views themselves as the wise functional person. The narc is well aware that the average person starts out with a baseline of trust that they extend to all people and the narc then seeks out that baseline as soon as they can. The narc then gets a foothold on that trust and after studying the victim gradually finds new ways of gaining the target's trust. Again in this scenario the narc always sees themselves as the superior and wise one. Regardless of the level of trust the narc finally obtains they then put that trust on the shelf to be used as a tool in the future when it is needed. To achieve a goal. Let's never forget that the people in the narc's environment are simply objects, appliances to be used and in this case the people will be used towards a goal. You could say that the narc is creating a group of “potential flying monkeys”. That goal could be to damage someone in what the narc considers their own self defense or to “get ahead”, used to get a relationship or job promotion, or used as a tool of treachery. The treachery is when the narc uses another person's good will and trust that they have obtained by duplicity and counterfeit concern and uses that trust to obtain information they then use to damage the person who gave it. Yes, I was an eye witness to that treachery and frankly it took my breath away to think that someone could be that duplicitous and actually use someone's love for them as a tool to damage that very person that cared about them. Yes the narc was actually proud of having been treacherous, she thought it quite an achievement. Never once considering the damage she was doing to others with her treachery or even considering the fact that treachery is evil. So let's illustrate these points, how the narcissist uses trust as a tool. So the narc makes friends and wins their confidence and trust. This could be on a social site or at the workplace or it could even be over the course of years as she gains the confidence of certain extended family members. Yes, the narc builds up trust wherever they go. Then the narc has a major disagreement with someone, or the narc is caught red handed lying, stealing, cheating, committing adultery, etc. The narc immediately uses the trust equity to circle the wagons and makes the person who she feels has wronged her an evil human being by fabricating a story that all of those who trust the narc will believe. If the narc can do this pre-emptively, before the other party has a chance to speak to others about it all the better, so she quickly swings into action. Oftentimes the narc already has another shelf full of feasible lies about that person that can be told to multiple groups of people. The stakes are much higher when the narc is caught doing questionable and embarrassing acts of evil so the narc goes many steps further. First she will try to get the observer to be a nice person and keep what they have observed to themselves. The person may then have to take some time to decide if it is the right thing to keep quiet or not. For example the revelation of a theft or of adultery may end up ruining the narc's job or relationship so the narc plays on that and makes sure she pleads a case to the observer that will make that observer stop and pause. Meanwhile, the narc has bought themselves precious time and immediately engages on a smear campaign to discredit that person with the knowledge of the narc's wrongdoing. The narc sees everything as a power play, a game. The worst thing for a narc is if someone else has damaging information on them. They automatically assume that that person will abuse that supposed power and the narc therefore makes sure the person is discredited and considered unreliable, or even crazy. So yes the narc sees trust as a tool, an insurance policy that he or she will use in any contingency. After all, insurance, a safety net is needed with the kind of questionable practices the narc engages in almost every day of the year. Under less stressful circumstances trust is merely used by the narc to smooth out their life. Make work a bit easier or make her home life easier. Yes the trust always gives a degree of comfort and gives the narc just a bit more wiggle room for practicing her unconventional lifestyle. Unconventional in the sense that the narc will always try to get away with one evil act or another. Living an honest transparent life means there are no opportunities to be covert. No fun for the narc. Yes an honest normal life is boring. Turmoil is all the narc knows and wants. Peace and tranquility and contentment again mean the narc is missing out, missing out on leading a double, triple, or quadruple covert existence. So what is it that the narc is missing out on, just not understanding about trust? Well trust is essential for anyone to be truly functional and achieve their highest potential. It is not naive to trust, it is always understood that people don't always tell the truth or have pure motives, but that is beside the point. To think clearly you take into account the inaccuracies in people's statements and impurity of their motives but to be functional you need to take most everything on face value, with a grain of salt. Constantly believing that people are looking for an edge or doing everything for ulterior motives means that you can never think clearly about anything, you can never make clear decisions or comprehend a situation in order to make those decisions sound. Instead, you are caught up in a never ending cycle of second guessing. The narc fails to realize that their endless second guessing takes them farther away from the truth and clouds the situation rather than giving clarity. Yes, taking things on face value will always invariably be as close to the truth as you can ever get. Can a person live a life under those conditions of never trusting or believing in the good of others? Yes they can, but that person will be functioning far below their potential and will miss out on the opportunities life gives all of us to grow and mature. So when does the average person's ability to trust become a problem, a stumbling block? Only in one instance, when they encounter a narcissist, a criminal, a killer, a psychopath. Being that the narc has no conscience, empathy or remorse there is very little to distinguish them from every other undesirable and evil person on earth. The narc is simply too cowardly to go the next step. But oh what they could achieve if they could get away with everything. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.