What the Narcissist Finds At the “End of Themselves” : So a major tragedy has just brought you to the end of yourself and it gave you a rare opportunity to see what was there. What you find there can give you keen insight into what you truly value, what is important to you. It can show you clearly what type of person you genuinely are as opposed to who you think you are and show you what your real priorities in life are, not the ones you profess to yourself and to the world. This situation will also be a test of your genuine faith, not what you profess. So yes, that life changing event can give you profound insight if you use it as an opportunity, not a tragedy. How is this an opportunity? Well it is an opportunity to clearly see yourself as you are, clearly focus on every aspect of your life and being that you have at least for a short time divorced yourself of all of those things, you can pick and choose which one of your priorities to re-instate which to discard, and which priorities to add that were missing. The priorities you keep in your life can then be sorted in order of importance and you can then strengthen those which you deem most important and minimize those that are less important. How does this relate to the narcissist? Well, occasionally the narc's grand plan of deception that they have constructed falls in on them and their lives are also effected by their own duplicity. Yes, the narc got away with their evil time after time as they refined every aspect of their deception. They had the master plan in any current relationship all worked out with contingency plans for every scenario. Yes they worked out the practicability of every one of their actions and lies as they created the fantasy relationship with every victim and sold that relationship as the truth. Yes the narc was obsessed with their confidence game of making the victim believe that they genuinely cared and loved. In the past an occasional victim became wise to them early on and began exposing them for the frauds they were and the narc learned how to pre empt that same scenario from occurring in the future by setting up the next relationship with no loose ends. The narc already had two or three feasible exit plans all worked out and in most cases the victims believed everything, and the drained victim simply went quietly away, never understanding why they were so destroyed. Most of the time the narc convinced the victim that they themselves were to blame for the relationship ending, leaving the narc free to pursue their next fantasy relationship. So yes, the aged narc preserved their immaturity all the while their duplicity, lying, treachery was becoming more and more mature. So the narc's world has hit a major brick wall and not only one mask has been found out but now multiple other masks are potentially going to fall. The narc then garners every one of their matured skills of evil to once again produce feasible explanations to all of those remaining people in their lives, each of those explanations custom tailored for each mask that remained intact. So we now clearly see the difference between what happens to a narc when they come to the end of themselves and the victim. The narc finds a duplicitous, disloyal beast in that brief glimpse of self-revelation and doesn't even glance at what is in front of her or him. Instead they immediately look away and that exposed inner world of theirs is quickly covered up by the most convenient means possible and a new facade is created. No, the narc never skips a beat, never stops and pauses, they simply use that tragedy to become a more refined ghoul. So how can we illustrate the above points just made? Well, lets create some fiction and describe for example, a woman who grows up with a narcissistic mother and maybe is torn between the impulses she has to be just like her mother, who she is repulsed by, or to go a different direction altogether. So maybe the child has some empathy and conscience and remorse mixed in with her strong narcissistic tendencies. Her solution is to pick and choose when to turn her narcissism on and off and when to turn her empathy on and off. So in effect she has turned herself into a classic covert narcissist. She herself sees things differently. In her mind her overtly narcissistic mother is evil and naive and she, the covert narc, is the wise one, the intelligent one, the superior one, the good one. Yes the covert narc sees themselves superior to both the overt narc and the empath who tries to minimize the narcissistic tendencies we all have as people. The covert narc sees herself as self-aware and in control of herself, of course that is just a delusion, but where that delusion becomes dangerous to the rest of the world is when the narc considers themselves in control of their whole environment, the environment they share with other people. That is the root cause of what makes narcissists treat other people as objects to be used. So without knowing it the covert narc has actually become far less aware of reality than her overtly selfish, narcissistic mother. Her overt narc mother at least knew what she was and strangely enough in her own way that mother at least did have some capacity for genuine loyalty and love. So the pattern created as a child, what that covert narc has come to the conclusion is the middle way: to balance overt narcissism and empathy, transfers into every relationship the narc ever has. In every single scenario, be it with an em path or with a narc she sees herself as the superior one, the enlightened one. Each relationship the narc engages in is simply an experiment and a learning experience to see what traits of every one of her lovers she can learn and understand and incorporate into her next fantasy persona otherwise known as a false mask that she creates for the next relationship. Yes the narc never forms any emotional attachment to any of her former partners and she freely takes all of that previous partner's intimate details, detaches them and re purposes those traits as her own. She in effect plagiarizes anything she sees useful that she has extracted from the previous partner and coldly, callously moves on to the next relationship. So the narc will then collect more useful traits from every subsequent relationship and once she has mined all that is useful she moves on to the next victim. That is why the narc sees every prospective partner as simply a source. A source of immediate energy to drain and a source of new material to use for the next performance or act that she will undoubtedly create in the future. Yes the narc is already getting material for her next grand performance, her next production. She will create the new fake persona where she will be the leading lady, the queen, and she will be the production designer and create a whole new environment or “world” from scratch and she will be the director of that new production. Yes, in effect the narc is like a movie maker, but she lives out her productions in real life with every person she comes in contact with as a mere pawn in her game. Life goes on and eventually the covert narc decides on something different. Why not have a long term relationship and see what that is like, since she never tried that before. Plus, it may give her more comfort and provide her with the resources to do even more covert elaborate productions. So, in effect the covert narc can once again be above it all and have the best of both worlds: a stable relationship and the pleasure of multiple covert new relationships to continue mining from. So the narc comes up with all sorts of new scenarios to find partners willing to engage in adulterous affairs with her. The fact that she is married is actually an asset, giving her an “out” any time one of her covert relationships is no longer wanted once it has been thoroughly mined of all of it's resources. But eventually the narc tires of the long term relationship and ends that looking for her next option. Oh yes the narc is still going to use the discarded ex husband as a source of comfort while she freely shops the market and decides if she wants numerous short term relationships or maybe finds another source of comfort that she can use in another fake long term scenario. With today's modern society the excuse will be she never wants to get married again. But then the narc meets someone that she never knew existed, a person known as a super em path. The super em path is someone that is benign and kind and harmless, a person who trusts but when pushed to the limit will be more than a match for the narcissist. The covert narc doesn't see it though, to her he is like putty in her hands, a naive fool that she can toy with as she pleases. Yes she can lie to this person with one hand tied behind her back and she can play with his emotions at will, with him being totally unaware. Years go by and she eventually tires of that relationship, since that em path does have a moral code and that means she can't manipulate him at will, so she then decides it's time to slowly extract herself. Unfortunately for the narc her mask slips off at the worst time and she fully exposes herself for the fraud that she is far earlier than she had anticipated. Unbeknownst to her the em path has been paying attention, has been analyzing the situation, has been aware for all of those years. That is when the carefully laid plans for extraction fall to pieces around her and her victim. The narc then engages in a salvage program, totally vaporizing the previous partner's life and having to make due with an only partially created new persona and only partially built next production. She quickly instates to full status one of the many targets she has been trolling for and uses him to help destroy her previous partner. How easy that was, since she simply demonizes her former partner and uses the new partner as the person saving her from the vicious evil previous partner. Classic damsel in distress knight in shining armor routine. Works every time. She simply walks away from the relationship and refuses any attempt at the previous partner to get any answers. But the super em path will not just curl up and die after the narc takes a sledgehammer to the fantasy world she created for the both of them. A world the em path believed was real. He may be harmless, but he will relentlessly pursue answers and he does eventually get clarity on what was going on. With no help from the narc. Yes, eventually the em path gets all of the answers and in that pursuit many unexpected sources give him more information than he could have ever gotten on his own. So the em path target gets his answers, learns, moves on and grows. He came to the end of himself and used it to his advantage. Now let's answer the question posed by the title: what does the narc find at the end of themselves? What is it that the narc couldn't stand to look at when it was clear for her to see, but she looked away instead? It was a clear view of the hideous creature that lurks behind all of her masks, the core of her being and even one glimpse at that creature would have haunted her for the rest of her life, so she refused to look. That creature is an immature five year old that never grew up and is living inside the body of a full grown demon. Better not to look and move on for the narc. But there will be no growth as the narc slips ever deeper into her dark world. Sad. Yes, even the narc could possibly deserve some pity, but the enormous pain and suffering she has caused eclipses all of that pity. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.