Victory Over the Narcissist: The Narcissist is fixated on victory, being the winner. The narc gets the greatest pleasure out of totally destroying their former partner, then coming back for a victory lap and telling the broken victim to get over it. Of course this is ideal for the narc, they have exacted their revenge for supposed wrongs done to them by using their well refined tools of gaslighting, threats of violence and actual physical assault and they got away with all of it. So their crowning achievement is to go back to the victim and tell them to get over it. How convenient. The narc is in effect saying I destroyed you, I took everything you had. Now its time for you to accept that I won and walk away. Yes the narc is quite smug, and that haughty smirk of self satisfaction means they have come out on top yet again. Another achievement that proves they are superior to another human being. Another notch on their belt. Yes, you the victim are just supposed to accept the superiority, the dominance of the narcissist. So, of course being that you are a human being it is natural that you will have deep anger and resentment welling up inside of you. That anger grows into fury as you regain your senses and see more and more clearly how the duplicitous narc played you for a fool and was never at all genuine in any of their actions or words. No one who treated you the way the narc did could have ever really loved you or cared about you at all. So now you look back on that fraudulent relationship in an effort to find the answers to all of the questions. Questions that the narc would never answer, since they simply abandoned the relationship and refused to give any closure at all. You go on a journey, a quest to find out what was really going on in the relationship. Getting those answers can take weeks and months as you reinterpret every moment with the narc and analyze it piece by piece to understand what the narc was actually doing while they called themselves your lifetime partner. You reinterpret what the narc actually meant in all of your conversations together. You look back on all of those moments when you had doubts about the narc's integrity and you now realize that it was your intuition speaking to you or something else inside of you that was trying to warn you, but you simply ignored the warnings. Yes the narc was a fraud, a phony through and through and the more you realize that, the angrier you get. The more you realize the extent of the narc's duplicity, the extent of the lies and deceit, the more you comprehend the narc's total lack of respect for you as a human being, the angrier you get. Then on top of all of that you recount the abuse and remember all of the excuses you made for it and that gets you even angrier, at yourself, but even more so at the narc, because now you see clearly that that abuse was coming from a dark place that was devoid of love and more importantly that abuse was specifically designed to damage you. No, that wasn't tough love the narc was dishing out as you previously thought. It was pure malevolent evil for the sake of extracting the sick pleasure of causing you emotional pain. So the thoughts of all that was done to you as you recount the abuse generates anger and resentment. Those emotions can overwhelm you , make you bitter and eventually destroy you, if you allow them to. So then we come to the subject of the video: having victory over the narcissist. Yes there are numerous ways of getting even with the narc and many will give you ideas or methods on how that can be achieved. Early after the abuse we all would love the opportunity to pay back every ounce of pain that narc inflicted upon us and that might be normal while we are still disoriented and unsure of what just happened to us. But here is the problem, we are playing by the narc's rules to get even with them on their terms. Does it really constitute a victory if we are able to torment or gaslight or deceive a narc, if we terrorize them and make them constantly look over their shoulder? Well one commenter on my page who redacted their comment boasted about physically harming a narc and getting away with it. That might have been a narc troll or just someone making up a story I can't say, but think about the implications. So now we victims are supposed to play by the narc's rules and act like a narc to get a supposed victory? In my opinion that is a loss and it means the narc has made you lose a piece of your humanity. Now please don't misunderstand, I would have taken the opportunity to extract revenge myself right after the discard by simply giving the narc a dose of their own medicine, within reason. Yes it would have been something that I wouldn't regret or have to feel guilty about the rest of my life, it would have been relatively benign in comparison to what the narc did to me, but in it's own way it would have given me the satisfaction of a small victory. I get that and can understand, but to do physical violence or inflict anywhere near the emotional pain the narc inflicted upon you, NO WAY. So how do we get victory over the narcissist? Here is my opinion. First and foremost it is WE, not the narcissist who make the rules and it is WE who decide what constitutes a victory. We are in control, NOT the narcissist and we create the criteria for victory. Leave the narc in their swamp. If we want victory over the narc it is our responsibility to educate and inform ourselves about narcissism. It is our responsibility to try and understand what happened to us in the relationship by applying all that we have learned. It is our responsibility to measure our progress. Are we getting better, becoming more joyful and productive week to week, month to month? If so we are on the right track. It is our responsibility to avoid becoming bitter and we need to work on the resentment and anger. I know of no better way than leaving the narcissist totally in the hands of God and in so doing we remove the heavy burden of wanting to seek vengeance from our shoulders. It is our responsibility to understand what it was inside of us that attracted us to the narc and attracted the narc to us. It is our responsibility to understand that we weren't to blame for the abuse the narc inflicted upon us. Finally it is we and we alone who decide when we no longer need to think about our abuse. We take as long as we need to. There is nothing wrong with dwelling on the abuse as long as we are headed on the path of healing and we are able to measure real progress in our lives. We owe it to ourselves to heal and yes move on when we are ready and we decide. No one is qualified to tell us when that is. If we follow the steps of healing and growth, do the work, eliminate the anger, then hope and joy return to our lives and when we begin to see that progress it gives us an added lift. That is the victory that we as victims who later just think of ourselves as targets are looking for. If we can look back on that interaction with the narc and see that we never sank to the level of the narc, we never returned evil for evil and we are healing then we have achieved the ultimate victory. Yes, victory over the narcissist means we have not allowed the narc to dim our light, have not allowed them to steal any more of our joy. The work we have done to achieve that victory of becoming a fully functioning and joyful human being is ours and ours alone and we may be better off than before the narc came into our lives. Let's be clear though, the narc gets no credit. Similar things occur to people when they get a diagnosis of a disease or have an accident with severe physical trauma, or have their whole environment destroyed by a natural disaster. Yes, we take stock of our lives after major tragedies and maybe have a firmer grip on life, a more focused idea of our life's purpose, a more defined sense of what is important, a clearer sense of what our priorities should be. We might gain a greater appreciation of the simple things in life and regain a sense of joy in those simpler things. But no one would ever give the credit to the tragedy for improving our lives. That was our victory and for the believer it isn't their victory at all, it is God's victory as we get out of His way and listened for His directions. Let's give the full text of Romans 12:19 “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.” It clearly states that we should stay out of the way and leave the vengeance to God. Good advice from the Creator of the Universe and all that is in it. So to put it in simple terms. The best revenge for the victim is moving on and living a joyful happy life free of resentment and full of joy and hope. That is the true victory. The victory that we work hard to achieve every day. The narc can have their hollow victory gained by doing the most unimaginable evil. We have the genuine, the real victory. The narc's victory is fake and counterfeit and their joy is also fake. Only total denial and self deception can make the narc's victory appear as real, but the narc's victory will NEVER be real. The narc's punishment for all of their evil will be real though, with no possibility of the narc denying it. To put things another way, the Narc blew up your life leaving you to pick up the pieces, disoriented. As you slowly came to your senses and began putting back together the pieces of your life you eventually came to a fork in the road. You had a choice. You could choose the path of vengeance and have a false victory or you could take the road of genuine victory, rebuild your life and choose to leave the narc to their own fate. The path of vengeance is the same path the narc always takes and for the victim this path leads to bitterness and resentment. To get to a point of true healing you have to retrace your steps all the way to that fork in the road in order to get to the path of true, genuine victory. As you walk down that path of victory and look back you will realize you are on the right track and you would never want to go back to that fork in the road again. Thank you for watching, comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.