How To Forgive A Narcissist (for Those Who Have Gone No Contact): The topic of forgiving a narcissist requires walking a fine line. The subject is radioactive, a mine field, and no matter what you say someone will not be pleased. In the early stages, right after the abuse I found the subject of forgiveness almost impossible to comprehend. How do you forgive someone that thinks they have done no wrong, that all of the evil they did to you was justified? How do you forgive someone who turned the tables on you and made you feel like you were the one who was at fault, when now in retrospect it is clear the narc was the abuser and to blame for nearly all that happened? Well the importance of this topic means it needs to be discussed. This message is for the abuse victim who is no contact and has gone on the journey of healing. This is not an attempt to offend narcissists and also not an attempt to tell someone to forgive when they are not ready to do so. It is also not useful for the unfortunate narc abuse victims still in the relationship. So you have gotten yourself back, in one form or another and you have achieved the goal of bringing joy and functionality back into your life and the work of all of the previous weeks, months and even years has finally shown you some tangible results. Yes, that relationship seemed like it brought happiness and stability to you for a time, but the slow drift into instability and the gradual erosion of your confidence and joy and self respect went totally undetected as the narc gradually drained you of all that was good and important to you. So yes when you evaluate yourself at this moment in your life and compare it to your time with the narc towards the end of their abuse it is clear you have improved and you are much healthier mentally and emotionally. Yes you have gotten most if not all of your energy back. Now that you have regained your senses, you can get an overall idea of what the effect of the narc was on your life. You do this by comparing yourself before, during and after the narc encounter. When you do this, analyze things carefully, you come to the undeniable conclusion that the narcissist was a tragedy in your life. There was really no good fortune at all in that encounter. You now see that life without the narc is so much more vibrant and positive and you have hope and joy and energy in your life. Yes, you forgot that this is how things were before the counterfeit blessing of that narc in your life. So if you are progressing, you will eventually achieve the goal of getting to a point where you are as good or better than before the narc came into your life. You have for the most part freed yourself of the resentment, so what comes next? That is where the extra credit comes in, going the extra mile and forgiving the narc. So why would you forgive the narcissist? The narc doesn't need or want your forgiveness. They are either convinced they did no wrong or actually proud of the abuse that they got away with. So what is the point? Well, you do it for yourself. Let's be clear we will never excuse the actions of the narc, and we will be avoiding the narcissists we encounter or at least minimizing their impact in our lives from this time forward. We will also continue to learn as much as we can about narcissism and spread the word. We will continue to hone our skills at accurate detection. But yes we will also try to forgive that person who did so much damage to us and is actually proud of the abuse and damage they have done. No, you will never reason with a narcissist. No, you will never get them to see the evil or the error of their ways. The narc won't listen, they won't hear, even when you give them fair warning about the terrible future that awaits them in this life or the next as they will eventually have to pay for all the evil they have done,- WITH INTEREST. So how do you forgive the narc? Once again we get into a touchy subject, but one that has to be discussed. It is an unfortunate reality that the pathological narcissist or narcopath is a person with mental illness. Let''s be clear we aren't talking about the average person with narcissistic tendencies, we are talking about a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD for short. These people are mentally ill and that is not an opinion, it is a fact. This condition is documented in the DSM, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Narcs are not only dysfunctional, but they also harm others with that dysfunction. So without trying to offend let's speak clearly and use colloquialisms: The hard core covert narcissist is crazy, they are mentally ill and you never realized you were in a relationship with someone that is crazy, mentally ill. The narc masked their mental illness when you first encountered them and the manifestation of the signs of mental illness in that person came on gradually. You just never put enough focus on the small signs that peeked out from beneath the mask. You ignored the bizarre moments of nonsense and incoherence and histrionics. You made excuses. Yes you thought the narc was sane and that is why you took everything they said and did seriously. That is why you believed in the narc and towards the end when the mental illness was clear for all to see, you just couldn't see it, you were blind to that mental illness. Why? Well, partly because the narc had infected you with their mental illness, they had gotten you to live in the surreal fantasy existence that they live in exclusively and that you were lured into. You are now back in the world of reality. You are back, you feel good and life is once again worth living. You are sane again, but the narc will unfortunately never be sane. Never get out of that terrible, tumultuous existence that you had the misfortune of being drawn into. The narc will never be at peace, the narc will never be satisfied or have joy and contentment. The narc will never be able to escape the huge debt to all they have wronged throughout their life- without genuine repentance and allowing Jesus to pay for all that they owe. No, the narc could never pay back the debt they owe, but God in the form of Jesus can. In light of all of what was just stated it becomes clear. The narc, although they are an adult and fully responsible for all the evil they have done, should be forgiven by the victim, for the sake of the victim. The narc will never appreciate or benefit from that forgiveness, but the victim will benefit greatly. No the narc has no excuse. All of the abuse they recount from their childhood and in previous relationships is no excuse for their vile behavior. Others have had far worse childhoods and had far more abuse in relationships but never became narcissists. Yes the narc made a choice at one point of their existence. They decided to return evil for evil, to indulge in and refine lying, deceit, and treachery. The narc decided to starve to death whatever conscience and feelings of remorse they had, if they ever had those feelings at all. So yes if at all possible the victim should try to forgive, but even if that isn't possible for the victim there will be great benefit in never dealing with another narcissist again. So at the bare minimum we should get rid of our feelings for seeking vengeance to avoid becoming a bitter and resentful person. At least that way the victim can lift a heavy burden off of themselves and go on to find a measure of peace, joy and a renewed feeling of optimism and hope in their life. So what is the simple answer, how do you forgive a narcissist? By realizing that they are mentally ill as terrible as that sounds. You don't get joy or satisfaction out of coming to that conclusion. You simply recognize that as a fact. The narc is responsible, but unfortunately they can no longer help themselves but to be dysfunctional and evil. The narc isn't in control of themselves, they have become a slave, an addict to all of their own evil. So no, this message is not for any narcissist, it is exclusively for the victims of narcissist abuse, specifically for those of us who are away from the narc and out of the relationship. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.