The Pivotal Moments of a Covert Narcissist's Existence: The Borderline Narcopath is the Author of Their Own Destiny We all come into this world with an innate capacity to lie, cheat and steal to one degree or another. It is the gentle, careful, and thoughtful shepherding of our parents that guides us in the direction of being truthful, teaches us the values of doing and saying “what is right” regardless of the consequences to ourselves. Of course there is so much more to parenting than that and the other aspect that pertains to this discussion is the fine balancing act of not breaking your child's spirit and building in that child a healthy and correct sense of self worth. Teaching that child the painful reality that they can't always have it their way and that the world doesn't revolve around them is an unpleasant task because it does involve modifying the child's attitude, “changing” them, altering their opinion of themselves. Similar things can be said about teaching delayed gratification. Yes, it's never easy to tell a child that they are wrong or telling them “no” to something they want or want to do. We absolutely want our children to have confidence as adults and that requires the ability to accurately assess one's own abilities and capabilities. So with the correct guidance we can give those children a good start in life and get them into healthy patterns of thinking, healthy behavior patterns, and a healthy sense of self worth. All of the above is an ideal. No parent lives up to those standards of perfection, but it is important to note these things and establish a baseline for the purposes of this discussion. Why? Because with the covert narcissist we are dealing with a developing human with very limited capabilities of being taught by the parents and a huge sense of self worth that doesn't want instruction or correction. The limited capacity for feeling guilt and remorse means the parents have a steep challenge when they deal with an natural born narcopath. There may well be a weak capacity for that child to feel guilt and remorse and to have a conscience, but working with what you have in that child requires an enormous, sometimes overwhelming amount of attention to detail. Many well meaning parents simply can't keep up and that means the child eventually “wins” every time. So another narcopath is born and created and eventually unleashed upon the world. But then we have the other possibility. These are the children with a capacity to be good. No these children aren't perfect by any means, they still lie, cheat, and steal like all the rest, but this is much diminished and much more easily steered in the right direction. The very good ones simply have a capacity to naturally think logically and clearly and have an inborn sense of morality and conscience despite possibly very poor parenting. These children are born with sensitivity and feel guilty about virtually everything. These are what are called the “easy” children. An “easy” child can make up for all of the parenting mistakes and become healthy as an adult. But they do require a gentle hand which they don't always receive. Yes, stern parents can destroy a sensitive child in the same way that laissez-faire parenting can ruin a strong-willed child. It should also be noted that these “easy” children are usually born with a high capacity for empathy. So we have just gone over a brief, simplified summary of the interaction between a parent and child and how this effects the ultimate outcome of a person when they become an adult. We covered the extremes and it seems that the narco path and the em path are on opposite ends of the spectrum. But our focus is on the narcopath, and more importantly the narcopath who did have a weak conscience, did have a limited capacity to feel genuine empathy and remorse. We are talking about a narcopath who was teachable to a certain extent. It is these narcopaths that were either created by parents who never properly taught them right from wrong or the narcopaths created by that individual child's self-willed active disobedience to sensible parenting. As an aside, some parents may have actually even encouraged treachery, lying and theft and that created a pattern of dysfunction in the child that the child could never fully overcome. We could even have genuine empathy for these narco paths, but the problem is they are narcopaths and they have a track record. No we don't empathize with the evil and the wicked. These people were endowed to be human beings and they have an obligation, a responsibility to act as humans. No, the narc will always refuse reason. Always refuse to see the error of their ways and always refuse to acknowledge or even feel there was anything at all wrong with the damage they have done and continue to do. It is always the victim's fault. Yes, according to the narco path they have an unblemished record. and sadly it is a near impossibility that an adult narco path will ever change, because they simply see no fault in themselves. More importantly, most of these borderline narco paths became that way through active decisions on their own part. That doesn't merit empathy, because many people have faced a similar situation and made the decision to be good. So, what ties both of these borderline potential narco paths together is that they are the ones ultimately responsible for the course of their lives. Yes, the misparented and the strong willed covert narcissist that both began with traces of a conscience and empathy both created the beast they became by their own purposeful hand. I have purposely not discussed the Christian aspects of this topic. Yes, Jesus can help and heal, but in the majority of situations a watered down and warped or even fake version of Christianity may even make the situation worse. In most cases we see both the parenting and the child's own motivation and decision making totally devoid of any genuine Christian wisdom, guidance, or instruction. So, for the most part Christianity has no impact whatsoever, even for those who attend church and “have a form of religion but deny the power thereof”, a paraphrase of second Timothy 3 5. Yes, the vast majority of these borderline narco paths are created by the child themselves purposefully “going their own way”. That child has decisions to make during the course of their lives. That child can look at duplicitous parents and tell themselves “No, that isn't right, let me observe the world around me and make note of what is right”. Numerous opportunities to observe extended family members, friends with functional families, or even TV shows can at least give a frame of reference to a “better way” of living life. It is in the child's hands to use that information wisely, or ignore it. The other narco path is the one who did have sensible parents, but due to the fact that they were a very strong-willed child, eventually “won” and got it all their way by wearing down the parents. These borderline narcs are the ones we are talking about and in a real sense they are the authors of their own destiny. Yes, they are narcopaths of their own design, either by turning a blind eye when they clearly saw the difference between right and wrong, or by active defiance of their parents' instruction, maybe even a combination of the two. It is these individuals that have pivotal moments in their lives, “forks in the road” that will determine the rest of their lives. Yes, these individuals have “breakthrough” opportunities that they squander throughout the course of their existence and this is the primary reason they become the miserable destructive individuals that the world has no choice but to deal with. So let's try to identify some key moments in the life of a narco path in a similar manner to the classic tales of “Scrooge” or “It's a Wonderful Life”, the narcopath version. The opposite version of “Scrooge” where the narc is shown the terrible impact of their treachery and their ultimate fate and they refuse to change. The opposite version of “It's a Wonderful Life” in which everyone the narcopath touches would have been better off if that narcopath never came into their lives. Yes, we are now entering into the realms of a hypothetical character and following them through the course of their lives because there is no way to really know for sure what turns a person who could “go either way” into a narco path. Let's also be clear, even a narcopath can look back on their lives and note numerous occasions where they did do or say “the right thing”. Some of those examples may be actual gestures of genuine empathy or acts that benefited others. Some of those decisions may well have altered the course of that narcopath's life and set them in a better direction. We are talking about the overall course of the narco path's life and the overall impact that they have on the world. But make no mistake even those acts of good usually had ulterior motives that the narc themselves isn't even aware of. Just to be fair, even the average person isn't always aware of the hidden impulses behind doing acts of good will, perceived as altruism. The Bible is very clear about how God views the “good” acts of every human on this earth. Yes, a covert narcissist may have learned to be truthful at times and may have learned to be diligent and honest at work, but that was purely out of necessity, the need to survive, or even just the need to preserve the narc's precious “billboard”, their public persona and reputation. Those are all valid points, but we are looking at the overall outcome that creates a human being who has literally made an active decision to abdicate their humanity and simply chose to fake any resemblance to an actual functional, caring, empathetic human being. Fully healed narcissist abuse victims or even outsiders will never dehumanize another human being even if that sack of filth is a narco path that has actively dehumanized themselves. A healthy outlook requires us to respect life and respect every person at least by virtue of them having been born a human being. So on to the subject. We start out as an infant with infinite potential. That potential is shaped by our genetic makeup that determines our appearance, our intelligence, our ability to comprehend, our capacity for empathy, a conscience, the ability to feel guilt and remorse amongst many other things. We are born into an environment that shapes those genetics into the final product we call an adult human being. Early on that environment is almost entirely determined by outsiders, our caretakers our parents. Yes lack of physical contact, lack of any genuine love or concern towards an infant can scar a person for life through no fault of their own. So yes, psychopaths can be created. But we are concerned with the person who was given all of the chances that everyone else has, the borderline person who was given most of the tools that all of us are given both genetically and environmentally. We are following that person through their lives and focusing on the active decisions that they make, their active response to external influences. Newborn babies see the outside world as merely an extension of themselves. That is normal. As that infant develops and interacts with that external world, that infant pursues his or her own will. Lying, cheating, and stealing come naturally to many of these children and as these children become increasingly aware it is the parent's role to give the information, to guide that young child in the right direction. Most developing children, toddlers, begin to understand, begin to see the differences between right and wrong. These toddlers and young children also see the benefits of lying. Yes, that child can see the gain they obtain from doing what is told to them is wrong. Yes, many a lie or any other wrong act is rewarded, can be gotten away with and be advantageous. So the parent, being aware of this, tries to instill a sense of responsibility, guilt and conscience into the child as that child develops. This then brings us to the first junction in the road for that child. The time where the child either heeds those uncomfortable feelings of guilt and endeavors to try their best never to misbehave again, or they decide to ignore those feelings and actually “fight” them. This scenario plays itself out numerous times every day and week and as that child grows a pattern of misbehavior develops that gets increasingly stronger. So we now have a child who has literally calloused their own conscience. The conscience is still present, but it is greatly diminished. Yes the child now mostly wins every battle with the parents and naturally there is great temporary pleasure in having it all your way. So at some point that child made an active decision to fight and not comply and that is the first step on their journey of becoming a covert narcissist. That child goes to school and interacts with others and quickly learns the short cuts to getting what they want. One of those shortcuts is pretending. Pretending to be more and different than what they are and being that the governor of a conscience has nearly been turned off that child cultivates every form of lying and treachery that they can imagine. But the child is still a child and also has an innate innocence, an innate ability to change the course of their lives. Yes there are still pangs of conscience and still opportunities to eventually listen to what the pain is telling them and not fight it. After all a growing child becomes more and more sophisticated and is able to understand their world at an increasingly comprehensive and complex level. So with understanding comes more responsibility and the child can re-evaluate their past misbehavior and decide that they in fact have been going down the wrong path and will endeavor to be “good”. Of course the patterns of being evil have been established and the child will have to make the effort to change. It is at this time that the young child has to make another decision: begin heeding their conscience, discern what is good and bad and make an active decision to do the right thing. So our future narcopath decides to be clever and take the “middle road” and have an advantage on the rest of society. Yes that future narcopath will be good and truthful when it suits them, but they will always retain the ability to be evil and retain all of the benefits of that depravity. What suffers with this approach is that the conscience continues to become increasingly calloused and that young child's sense of morality and world view becomes corrupted. That child loses the ability to see reality for what it actually is because in the process of perpetrating a “controlled deception” on other people around them the narc is actually falling victim themselves and banishing themselves to a warped personalized fantasy world. Yes to the future covert narcissist it is they who are fully in control, but in reality they are slowly but surely losing touch with reality. Why? Because that narcopath refuses to “play well with others”. That narcopath refuses to interact with anyone on an equal playing field with mutual rules and mutual respect. The narcopath can't tolerate an environment in which each person's values and point of view, and desires carry equal weight to that of their own. That would mean the narco path has to compromise and rather than learn to compromise, the narco path instead chooses to insulate and isolate themselves. That requires increasing levels of sophistication in creating fake personas, lying, duplicity, treachery, gaslighting and all of those other traits we now identify as covert narcissism. So the narc continues to cement their future in stone by creating almost inescapable patterns of behavior and attitudes. But that narco path is still young. Maybe not even a teen and no major damage has been done to others. Yes the fantasy world that narco path creates is obviously implausible to older people and even cute. With no adult correction or by the young narc simply refusing to heed the advice of others that narc's capacity for evildoing continues to grow. Yes, a conscience still exists, but it has become severely calloused and is on the verge of becoming seared. So the narco path enters puberty and becomes increasingly aware of their own curious lack of empathy and their own curious lack of having a conscience when compared to those people around them. The narc begins dating and notices more stark differences that set them apart from others. That narc simply can't wrap their head around the concept of bonding to another human being. Yes the concept of love is something that permeates society and is looked upon as an ideal situation that everyone strives for, but to the narcissist it is simply an abstraction. The young narcissist mimics the words and actions that are appropriate to being in a relationship, but as time goes by they do get a sense that something is missing for them. Love, to a narcissist is simply hype and for the most part the narc sees love as a scam, a con. Of course the narc is correct inasmuch as they are precisely describing themselves. The narc assumes that because they are putting on an act others are as well. The authentic love, compassion, loyalty, commitment, empathy and good will directed to the narcissist by a partner who genuinely cares go unappreciated by the narcissist. Those gestures of kindness have no tangible value to the narcissist because the narc literally doesn't have the capacity to feel the benefits of those emotions directed towards them. But that narc increasingly sees those emotions as areas in which they can exploit another human being, take advantage of them so to speak. Exploiting others, lying to them, cheating them, cheating upon them, making them believe what isn't true becomes the one avenue open to the narcissist that at least gives some sense of satisfaction. So the young narcissist increasingly learns to detect, observe, and define in high detail the vulnerability of others around them. They find those vulnerabilities in both their partners and other people they interact with. The young narc's observations and activities are still quite benign and harmless, but these early acts are the very seeds of what is soon to grow into a full blown addiction. The narc becomes addicted to “finding an angle”, “finding a way in”, “gaining the upper hand” in an insatiable effort to assert and exercise their own self imagined superiority and manipulate another human being. Yes like every addict the narc can look back at a time when they could have chosen to do the right thing and respect other people around them. They could have chosen a different path, a far more difficult path, and changed the course of their lives. But the key difference is that the narc is quite proud of what they have made of themselves. They see no addiction in themselves. How can you call a covert narcissist anything less than delusional? That addiction has taken them over to the point that they don't even realize that anything is wrong at all. More importantly, the narco path somehow views their lack of ability to feel remorse or have a conscience as making them superior, stronger than others who succumb to the weakness of those traits. So in their warped mind, the narc views killing their own conscience and cultivating their own treachery over time as actual growth and progress. Yes, eventually the narc matures and becomes self-aware, but in earlier relationships they were still sorting themselves out. The narc realized that they had no real loyalty or attachment to their partner, but they learned to “fake it” and extract all of the external benefits of that relationship. Yes the young narco path may have been faithful to their boyfriend or girlfriend because society saw faithfulness as a favorable trait. But the feelings just weren't there and the narco path increasingly realized that fact. Yes, even early on that narco path had pride and saw themselves as a superior person and therefore maintaining that early relationship was important. So the ruse continued until the narco path finally decided they were just getting too bored and restricted and saw terminating a current relationship for a new opportunity as having great benefits that far outweighed the costs in the form of being seen as disloyal. The narcissist learned that they could discard a current partner and still maintain all of the respect society afforded by demonizing and mercilessly lying about that previous partner. Another way of circumventing the disapproval of society was to simply have clandestine relationships, concocted with all sorts of fake reasons for why those relationships had to be kept a secret. Yes we are talking about affairs later in life, but early on, before marriage, there was still excitement in getting away with the cheating and the narc honed that capability of getting everything they wanted with no limits. Why not have a relationship on the side and keep the current one as well? But achieving that level of sophistication took years, possibly decades of practice by trial and error. Yes occasionally the narc got caught cheating, but that just meant feigning remorse and promising that it would never happen again. In reality that narc was actually taking notes and making sure their next endeavor would be more polished. Sick. But before all of that sophistication, the narco path simply learned to make good excuses for “moving on” as it became easier and easier for them to shift loyalties, never giving any clue as to the soulless environment that lurked inside of themselves or any of the real motivations that ended one relationship and began another. Yes, the narco path's discarded partner, all those that surrounded the narco path, and maybe even the narc themselves simply viewed the narc's departure as a normal breakup. Of course early on that narc did have the capacity to choose. Choose to make it work with one person or simply choose to not misrepresent themselves in the future. That narc could have seen the devastation and suffering and destruction of their actions and chosen to change, to respect, to try and reach inside of themselves and listen to whatever traces of a conscience remained inside that warped psyche of theirs. They could have heeded that conscience, allowed that remorse to guide them to do better next time. Instead the narc chose to simply forgive themselves over and over again as more and more victims piled up. Yes later in life the narc simply couldn't help themselves but to be evil. But everything requires practice and refinement and it is precisely the fact that the narc honed their treachery over time, cultivated it to a high art that is inexcusable. To say a narcissist was “born that way” is like saying someone was born a concert pianist. Both people were born with capacities. It was practice that produced the final product. Yes it is absolutely true that the aged narc never realized that love, loyalty, and commitment, the bond that most normal people cultivate in a relationship is the actual source of satisfaction and contentment in a relationship. But can we really ever be sure that the narc couldn't have at least gotten some sense of satisfaction from treating another human being with kindness and respect? Couldn't it be possible that the aged narc has no ability to appreciate or even feel love, because in the bargain they made to ignore their humanity they lost their soul and the ability to enjoy the real pleasures that life has to offer? Chief among those pleasures is the capacity to form a long lasting love-based bond with another human being. Yes, early on the narc still had the capacity to change. Even without any emotions involved, there was still the ability to know right from wrong, the ability to choose to do no harm, the ability to be critical of oneself and introspective. That narc could still observe their environment and distinguish between reality and the fantasy world they had created for themselves. The narc still had the capacity to stay grounded in reality. Instead they chose their warped fantasy world and anointed themselves the ruler of it. Once again the patterns formed in youth by choice dictate and govern the older narc's life and inevitably pull that narc into further and further treachery. The narc becomes an adult and eventually enters the workforce. Many covert narcissists can be quite proficient and even thrive under harsh working conditions. Yes that narc can become a stellar employee. That narc can actually earn themselves a good reputation and have actual accomplishments that are worthy of respect and adulation, but there is only one problem. The narc is mercenary. The narc is cold and calloused and although being technically proficient at the job really doesn't care at all. But the narc understands that showing concern is a part of the job and they are able to put on a mostly convincing act. Yes, the narc at this point has established a pattern of being a fake phony fraud and it is simply a matter of putting on an act. That act is found out later when an employer who has poured countless hours of resources into that narco path gets into a bind and requires the loyalty of that narco path. Yes a business is on the verge of failing and needs “all hands on board”. But the narco path bails and leaves for greener pastures. Yes, the young adult narco path hardly feels a conscience or any sense of loyalty. Curious how that narco path in training seems to feel nothing at all. The narc themselves is astounded by their own lack of concern and the only problem is that they are feeling a sense of unease. That narc simply can't put their finger on the problem. Well subconsciously there is still a conscience, there are still feelings of remorse trying to break through. But the narc fights and self medicates their problems away and in the process goes through another pivotal point of their existence. The narc wins and eventually vanquishes the last vestiges of a conscience searing it into near elimination. Sadly, in cutting off those painful feelings and avoiding them they have unwittingly also lost their capacity to feel the positive emotions, those that make life worth living. The narc knows they did wrong, but they justify everything. Yes, the narc has excuses. Life wasn't fair to them. They were abandoned by parents so now they have the right to do the same to others. Their mom was a pathological liar. They were never shown love by their parents or any consideration whatsoever. Yes the list goes on and the narco path is blind to the fact that they have been given all sorts of benefits including looks and a sharp mind. The narc fails to realize that many of those that surround them have had similar adversity and decided not to be angry at the world and pay their misery and historical childhood abuse forward to others. Yes many who have suffered CHOSE to be good and aren't rebelling and giving the middle finger to the world. How is that possible? Simply because as we mature we realize that we aren't the center of the world, don't expect everything to go our way and we are aware that no matter how bad our situation we count our blessings and never presume that somehow the world never gave us a chance therefore we can do as we please. Yes despite everything a choice was made to heed a conscience and try to be kindur and more compassionate more empathetic to other people. A choice was made to be positive and focus on other people's pain. A choice was made to appreciate whatever life DID give to us. So at some point beyond young adulthood the covert narcissist becomes full blown. Narcissistic partners can help in the transition. Yes a narco path can be locked into a loveless marriage by another narco path and manipulated for decades and simply stay in that marriage until they can make their break. Numerous affairs help the narc that is trapped. More typically, the narc simply cycles through one fake relationship after another, moving on when an opportunity presents itself. Regardless of what produces the covert narcissist, eventually that narcopath, who once had the options of becoming a human being is locked into a pattern that they can't escape and they are unleashed upon the world. No act of kindness or genuine concern will ever be reciprocated by this beast who has abdicated their humanity. They lie their way into one person's heart after another and with increasing viciousness discard in the cruelest manner possible. The narc is angry at the world, but refuses to point the finger at the real culprit: the person they see in the mirror every day. It may well be that the narc eventually settles on a relationship that at least gives them some of the benefits they desire either in the form of a comfortable existence or any other highly desirable circumstances such as acclaim and acknowledgment by society that they crave. But it doesn't matter. The narc is and always will be miserable and dissatisfied. They will always spread the wealth of their misery to others and play games in an endless cycle of manipulation and pulling people into their fantasy world. Yes adolescent behavior may be cute for a thirteen year old, but it takes your breath away to see someone in their early 50's act like a child. The narc's main problem is that they really have no excuse. They may genuinely believe that the fantasy world they lived in was legitimate and that they made all of the rules, but the narc does understand that they really are living in the real world. A real world where there is accountability and the treachery and suffering they caused will all need to be paid for. With interest. Yes, that narc abandoned many people in a metaphorical desert and refused to give those people even a drop of water. Yes the narc abandoned someone who counted on them. Yes, that narc was oblivious to or even gleefully enjoyed that pain they caused another person. Yes, the narc never felt another person's pain, but they will feel their own. They will one day feel the hopelessness of wandering in that desert and see rivers of water just out of reach. They will one day suffer the pain of abandonment and betrayal. They will one day suffer and pay for every act of treachery. With interest. The narc is on a collision course with destiny and they know it. Each day brings them closer to that realization and they are well aware of that fact. So no, the narc can never be happy except in their own fantasy world that is barricaded with lies and denial. Unfortunately for the narcissist, they aren't in charge and payment will be required. By them, or Jesus for them. Their choice. Yes even the covert pathological narcissist started off life relatively innocent. It is the small decisions that they made each and every day of their lives, the things they did, the things they said that took them down the road that created the practiced treacherous duplicitous creeps they turned into as adults. As time passed the damage that narc did was more and more comprehensive, but the ability to forgive themselves grew in proportion and the ability to feel any remorse whatsoever was dissolved by those years of practicing their dark art. The conscience was calloused then seared as the narc made their conscious decision to take the easy way out and avoid any painful introspection. The lack of remorse, the lies, the duplicity the treachery that they committed were ever increasing in their depravity and intensity, but that lack of willingness to take any responsibility evolved and

 always stayed ahead of those wicked acts.   The narc kept walking away from the destruction they’d done without feeling a twinge of remorse so many times over the course of their lives that it became second nature and the narc cultivated their projection to a high art.  Yes the narc did the damage and somehow thought themselves the victim, the righteous one, the one that was morally superior.  Yes, in the narc's twisted mind their evil was noble and justified.  Yes that narc was much more innocent at the start, simply by virtue of not having had any experience exercising their dominion over a conscience and feelings of remorse.  Vanquishing all guilt led that narc straight into their bizarre world of warped logic and reason that made no sense to any sane human being.
           Yes the narcissist is what they chose to be, is what they decided to be over the course of their lives.  Literally decades of inappropriate pathological behavior made the narcissist what they are.  Covert narcissists may well be victims of their own foolish choices but that does not absolve them of their evil and treachery.  Taking the easy way out, doing what is best for yourself regardless of the cost to others eventually takes its toll and one day the chickens will come home to roost.   Yes facing problems is what life is all about and most people accept that unfortunate fact, but the narc refuses.  So much easier to smoke dope and feel sorry for yourself while your peers face reality, deny themselves pleasure, delay gratification and work hard for a future.  So much easier to cut corners and learn how to defraud people out of their hard earned money, while others struggle to serve and humble themselves.  Covert narcissists exist in every strata of society, but the common denominator that binds them all together is their lack of concern for anyone but themselves.  This is true for the narc that society deems as wealthy and successful, those that  have obviously squandered their lives, and all of those covert narcs in between.  Yes the adult narc will never understand that many of those people around them had all of the same impulses and desires that they did, but they chose a different path.  The harder path.   Genuine success may not be monetary, by the way, or ever result in any public acknowledgment or acclaim.  It is about fulfilling your potential whatever that may be, and choosing to do the right thing to the best of your ability.  So the narc in the later part of their life is far from innocent.  They have blood on their hands and piles of victims in their wake and this all came about incrementally.  
          So in conclusion let's set up a hypothetical scenario in which a covert narcissist comes face to face with a previous lifetime partner that they assaulted, discarded, and went no contact with.  Well that narc would of course be speechless and most likely simply play dumb and pretend not to recognize.  Yes that narc wiped all evidence of their treachery and cheating right from their memory banks.  If anything that narc might simply walk on by then exhibit their famous smirk.  After all they won the game.  The game someone else believed was a serious relationship.  Never in one hundred years would it occur to the narc to have even a moment's pause.  They simply go on never taking into account the damage they did.  After all everyone has their problems and why should that narc care at all.  They are too busy doing charitable work that matters and has high public visibility.  Yes in public they are a humanitarian that cares deeply about other people.  Sick.  But was the narc cold and calloused on their first breakup?  Maybe, maybe not.  It depends.   I have no doubt the cold hearted creep I was with never had an ounce of genuine compassion or empathy, but other narcs did.  Others actually cried and did have introspection on that first breakup.  But sadly they forgave themselves far to easily and that set them on the course that took them on the slippery slope that ultimately produced  a full fledged adult covert narcissist.  Even that young covert narc, when given all of the tools and specifically instructed on the hopeless future of a covert narcissist and the need to do what is right and take the harder path chose instead to tempt fate and do what was right in their own eyes.  They chose to ignore and eliminate a voice of reason and guidance in their lives.  Taking the easy way out can always be justified, but it leads to a pattern of thought and behavior that snowballs and becomes increasingly dysfunctional.  Yes that teenage narc is free to pursue their path and no one will stop them.  They know better and they know it all. They will play with fire and not get burned.  They aren't only special, they are more special and no one has suffered like they.  In their opinion and their opinion is the only one that counts.  They were loved, they were cared about, they had support but somehow none of that matters.  Their parents weren't perfect.  That gives them the license to victimize and disrespect and have no regard for the feelings of others.   To walk away and abandon at will with no remorse or conscience.  All of that before their twenty first birthday. Sad.  Yes early on all of those things are relatively benign.  But give it time.      

Thank you for watching.  Comments are welcomed.  Peace be with you.


End Credit Comments

Conventional wisdom dictates that only trained mental health professionals can diagnose someone as being a covert narcissist.  That would normally make sense.  But the covert narc is an expert at convincing others of their sanity, especially when the contact is confineded to a controlled environment with time limits.  The person truly qualified to make that judgment is the person who knows what that narc is like behind closed doors.  No one can ever know for sure what goes on inside of another human being, but recognizing covert narcissism isn't rocket science.  No empathy?  No remorse? Lying the blue from the sky and doubling down when confronted with contradictory proof?  No commitment?  Gaslighting?  Future faking?  Phony persona?  No empathy?  No remorse?  No guilt?  No conscience?  No loyalty?  Never taking responsibility for making any mistakes?... etc.  Many covert narcissists literally show every one of these traits, none of which are normal or typical.   Yes no one is perfect and we can all sometimes have some of these traits.  But when a person shows all of these signs continually they are a dead ringer for a covert narcissist.  The shoe fits.   Only those close to the narc can observe every one of these things.  So they are qualified.