The Covert Narcissist Never “Sleeps” Shorter Version The covert narc, just like rust never stops trying to take control of the narrative, never stops trying to erode the confidence of an ex partner that is wise to their ways. Yes, just like rust, the narc never sleeps. That narcissist eroded and rusted out whole sections of our life beyond repair. That damage had to be cut out, new patch panels fabricated and those panels had to be welded in place, primed and painted. We may think that we have patched, welded in, painted and primed every surface point, but without our knowledge there was a small spot that we neglected and immediately the rust took hold. We were lucky enough to spot that area and retreated it, but without our vigilance that area would have quickly become yet another area of erosion that could potentially rust the entire piece. The primary example of this is the long line of crafty commenters seeking to covertly create unnecessary ambiguity and wanting to place doubt into people who have just come out of the most extreme fantasy world any sane person could ever be drawn into. Yes these commenters are often focusing on the person creating the video commentary, attempting to undermine the progress made in exposing the wiles of covert narcopaths, but the message sent is also intended to spread misinformation to those who view the comment. No, a healing victim doesn't need ambiguity, they need clarity. A healing victim doesn't need to be told the abuse was their fault or that they were “equally” to blame in a narco pathic relationship. Then some of these people go one step further and attempt to gaslight whole groups of people by stating they are trying to be “helpful” to the victims. It was never about the victim not seeing their own fault and blame. That victim never had a problem with self introspection or soul searching. They did look deep inside themselves and try to become better people. But the empath was blind to their self-love deficiency and the discard from the narcopath forced them to understand what it was inside themselves that the narcopath capitalized on and took advantage of. Yes that empath turned victim had to face their co-dependency and did. Yes the victim understands very clearly that they made a huge mistake in trusting that narcopath. The victim is well aware of being self love deficient, co-dependent, naive, not vigilant, too trusting and too willing to believe. The victim is well aware that they shouldn't have accepted and allowed the abuse. Yes something inside the victim told them that that abuse was OK, in fact the victim actually subconsciously thought it was normal to be abused. Yes somehow that victim felt “comfortable” being put down and having all of their self worth and dreams and accomplishments denigrated and minimized. Yes, it may well be that previous narcopath's in that em paths childhood conditioned them to accept abuse. But the bigger picture , the main theme of that narcopathic relationship has been craft-fully omitted or minimized with those arguments intended to “help” victims. The big problem with that narco pathic relationship is the fact that the narcopath is a predator, seeking to find someone to victimize. The foundation of a relationship is all about being genuine and sincere and the em path was all of those things. The em path gave of themselves and loved and committed and was loyal. The em path, for the most part sought to be a positive influence in the narcopath's life. The narcopath has none of those things to their credit. No there is no equivalency whatsoever when it comes to assigning blame in that relationship. The greatest portion of the blame and responsibility for both the abuse and the dysfunction in that narcopathic relationship rests almost solely on the shoulders of that narcopath. The sincerity of intentions is the primary thing to focus on when two people enter a relationship and without a doubt the narcopath was insincere. The empath, no matter how faulty a human being, at least was serious about the relationship. That should close the case of where the vast majority of the blame needs to be placed. Yes that victim may have had many “close calls” in past relationships and saw the manipulation of a partner for what it was. The victim departed those relationships whole and intact. But the narcopath craftily subverted all of that em paths innate discernment, slowly but surely drawing that em path further and further into a bizarre fantasy world having less and less resemblance to the real and actual world. A fantasy that incorporated that victim's whole life, the entire scope of the relationship, their own self image, and the entire vision that victim had of their future. Yes it came as a shock to the victim when it was revealed that most of their life was a fabricated farce. That was difficult to process for the victim. But the information was slowly absorbed and with time that victim began to see things clearly and live in the real world again. However, there are always those who insist on casting doubt into that victim's mind. Well, dispelling doubt and seeing that narcopath as a perpetrator with impure intentions is part of the healing process for the victim and confusing that issue does nothing at all to aid in the healing process. So what are some of the things these people do to create the doubt? Well, it almost always boils down to building up the narco paths grandeur and devaluing and minimizing the true victim. Yes, in a sense it is a way of getting whole groups of people who have finally understood that they were victims and calling into question all of the progress they have made. Yes every human being can look inside themselves and identify many areas where there is room for improvement, but the covert narcissist abuse victim should be very clear about the fact that the narcopath was a predator with malevolent intentions. No, the victim didn't jump to that conclusion easily, there was no effort on the victim's end to avoid personal responsibility or shift blame. The narcopath themselves proved their own evil narcissism 100 times over simply by their actions and words. But those persisting attempts to demoralize a past victim are usually confined to and focused on those who decide to publicly, and anonymously, expose narcopaths. Yes, many victims make videos with no anonymity. Fine. But when we get into the gritty details and delve deeply into the warped brain and actions of the narcopath it is best to remain anonymous. Innocent people could be harmed when personal accounts are given in detail. For the vast majority of victims, there is a different, more insidious way in which an individual covert narcopath continues to use and abuse their ex partners long after they have discarded that victim. Yes that long list of people the narcopath destroyed are an integral part of their personality and have all been incorporated into a present day narrative. Those past associations provide a wealth of material to be used when the narc crafts their next fake and phony persona. One in which in every single instance the narcopath was themselves the victim and the overcomer. One in which those past victims have everything about themselves warped and transformed so that in the end the description of that person and the narrative of their actions and words bears no resemblance to the actual person and events it is based upon. Many of those past partners are depicted as unreasonable fools, people with mental illness, people who are irrational and manipulative, people who are lazy, irresponsible, lie, cheat, steal, abuse drugs or alcohol, etc. Others of those ex partners will be turned into outright demons. Yes the narcopath is well versed in evil and treachery so they are experts at projecting onto past victims what they as narcopaths are themselves. Yes the narcopath needs to go no further than themselves for a motherload of material to use in falsely casting that ex partner as the wrongdoer. Many a victim would be taken aback by what they are being portrayed as when the narc is in the presence of various people. Those stories are custom tailored to the audience, but they all share a common thread: They are very loosely based on the facts that the current audience is aware of. The narrative itself, including the narcopath's role in that association is almost pure fabrication. A healed victim would simply be amused at hearing the fiction a warped mind dedicated to treachery and deception and specializing in smearing ex partners can create out of thin air. Of course it isn't really thin air, since the narc uses their own malevolence and irrational behavior and incorporates it into that smear campaign by assigning those traits to the ex partner. The sad thing is that the narcopath was doing this projection all along once that partner was placed in the devaluation phase and that narcopath was simultaneously searching for fresh supply. Our notion of the narcopath as having a fake mask is spot on, but we wrongly assumed that the fake personas were sequential. Yes we assumed that each fake persona would be the entirety of the narcopath's existence wherever they went until a next fake persona was chosen. But that was never the case. The reality was that the narcopath had many different fake personas all at the same time, custom tailored to each setting. So they would be one person with their partner and a totally different person at work or at a community group, not to mention the phony identity they were projecting on social sites. Yes that narcopath was already casting their partner as an abuser long before the actual discard. The convenient thing with these multiple fake personas is that they do allow a narcopath to remain in a relationship for decades. The narc remains the dutiful and devoted spouse as long as they can convince their partner of it and has multiple affairs on the side where they can indulge in alter egos. Yes the narcopath can tire of one of these adulterous alter egos and then simply switch to another when the next affair is started. Greedy narcs sometimes overstep themselves and keep three or even more relationships going all at once. But the point is each of these partners will require a different and customized false mask. Yes we are describing insanity here. That must be clear to everyone by now. Eventually life goes on for the victim and the effects of the narco pathic abuse gradually fade. But because the lingering effects of that past abuse still influence huge portions of the victim's existence, the link to the narcopath is almost impossible to erase fully until the damage itself has been repaired. But the narcopath, who was for the most part never effected by their own abusive and phony behavior saves each and every one of those relationships and freely uses those past victims over and over again when necessary. Those past victims are used to weave the false narrative of the narcopath never having been understood and having been in one abusive relationship after another. Prime material to use as bait in the procurement of the next exciting adventure with the next unwary target. But the narcopath is displeased to no end when they are prevented from fully owning the narrative in the event that a victim has the audacity to set the record straight. The narc thinks it their right and privilege to own all of the versions of what occurred in that relationship. Yes, the covert narcissist has a copyright on pain and anyone telling their version of those occurrences is infringing on the narc's copyright. Yes, the narcopath has sovereignty over all of it, the narrative of the past relationship and they even think themselves the continued owners of that discarded victim, even if they never have any intentions of contacting or seeing that person again. So the narc never sleeps, never stops scheming, never stops manipulating, never stops weaving their tales of deception that involve real actual people but other than that are total fiction. Without a doubt, the narc gives up on people, on commitments, on relationships, on jobs, even on parents and siblings, but the narcissist never gives up on their treachery and deceit. The narc never gives up on destroying anyone they have decided is unworthy of their presence. The narc discards but never gives up ownership of these people. People they have gotten the better of, deceived, used, then thrown away. Yes those people, even if the narc has discarded them need to behave in a manner that is acceptable to the narcissist, never have a mind of their own, and more importantly never should they dare expose the methods of covert narcissists. Well that is just too bad for those narcopaths. They aren't God and they don't own the world. No the narc isn't sovereign. So when one of these “vanquished” individuals rises from the ashes and begins exposing the ways of their evil, their methods of operation, the narcopath becomes very annoyed. They will try every way possible to silence, to defeat, to discourage, to intimidate. They will try anything that they can possibly conjure up from that bag of tricks of theirs. The narc will try to do this individually and if they can manage it, they will also create and enlist flying monkeys to aid them in their quest of destruction. As an individual, the narc will try threats and intimidation. The narc will throw every wild accusation that is even remotely feasible at that target that was once their ex partner. When that fails, they will try a different approach and contact the ex partner in mild humility, making subtle suggestions that maybe the person should stop making videos. Yes, I am speaking from personal experience and I will go into further detail of my own actual observations. In the immediate aftermath of the discard the narcopath found a useful idiot in her new partner, a flying monkey ready to try and strong arm and vanquish the ex partner. But the problem was the narcissist as well as their pet weasel, vastly underestimated what would happen when they pushed someone to their limit. Yes the all knowing narc never encountered a super empath before and that new narcopathic weasel partner of hers had only the faulty information that the narcopath fed him to go by. Yes I am speaking from personal experience and I will not speculate on the crazy scenario that the covert narcopath made up about me. I am sure there were numerous different stories, depending on who her audience was, but I am particularly interested in how she portrayed me to those new partners of hers. Yes, no doubt that first useful idiot was discarded once he was no longer useful. But others have come since then. Yes there is no doubt that there is yet another new man in that narco paths life who has been fed a version of past abuse by numerous partners including myself custom tailored to his particular idiosyncrasies. Possibly that man is gentler, more sophisticated, and more refined than the weasel, or maybe he is another thug this crazy creep seemed to be so fond of towards the end. No matter. They are still fools for believing a word that comes out of the narco paths mouth. Yes I will freely admit I was a fool to even believe one word that flowed from that creep's lips. But onto the underminers and destroyers that want to be helpful to the video presenter and his audience. No doubt some of these people are under the influence of a narcopath and have been engaging in subtle subterfuge in an effort to confuse and cloud the clear narrative presented of narco pathic abuse. Yes even a reasonable person could be convinced into becoming a flying monkey and help to battle the people making videos exposing narcopaths for the evil perpetrators that they are. After all narco paths can't help themselves and need our empathy. Yes the narcopath owns a copyright on pain, no one else has a right to complain about their own suffering. No one else has the right to expect someone to see their side of things. That narrative is also copyrighted by the narcopath and because of that the narcissist is free to change all of the details and insist their version and their version alone is the genuine article. The narc has the right to change the details of that reality at any time, because they own the copyright and they are sovereign. So the narcissist continually alters the narrative. After all that covert narcissist has plenty of time to craft whatever narrative that suits them. The story has to be convincing and more importantly any new partner that would inevitably be made into a dupe would have to be fully convinced of the narco paths veracity. Yes that is the narco paths biggest addiction, one that they indulge in possibly dozens of times every single day: the need to make others believe a lie. A lie is of no value if you can't make another person believe it and therefore the narc has specialized in doing exactly that. In fact a crowning achievement would be to have a new partner watch the videos on a channel made by an ex partner and be fully convinced that all of the accounts described were either fabricated by that partner or warped to fit the narrative of the video. In other words believe a lie. Yes this is now all theoretical, but make no mistake this very thing has almost definitely occurred, especially when the person making videos is out there in the public. Most of the time that narcopath will simply never admit to having known that video presenter. But occasionally the association can't be masked. Other times the narcopath will purposefully enlist someone in an effort to help undermine the anonymous presenter of videos. Yes, the videos need to be debunked and the presenter brought down in any way possible. Either way the narcopath enlists a third party to become a “protector”. That new protector is convinced of that narco paths authenticity. That dupe hasn't a clue, even when given all of the information needed on a silver platter, Karpman triangle references and all. OK. Yes a person can be forgiven when under the spell of a narcopath while being totally unaware of the existence of covert narcissism. But to have everything laid out right in front of you and still be oblivious? Well that means someone has a big problem and is under a serious delusion. Fortunately that isn't the problem of an aware victim. Most people, especially narc abuse victims don't enjoy observing dysfunctional train wrecks otherwise known as modern and evolved open relationships. They simply want to be left alone and “protectors” doing the narco paths bidding can take a hike. They will be identified, isolated, and eliminated. They will be erased. Just as the narcopath was erased. So what is the point of mentioning all of this? Well part of the fabricated narrative the new dupe is sometimes fed involves an ex partner that supposedly had nothing going on in their lives other than the narcopath. Yes the ex made that narcopath their whole life. They were totally dependent on the narcopath and couldn't handle their departure, so that when the narcopath left the ex partner lost everything. Yes, according to that narrative that ex partner was nothing without the presence of that narcopath in their lives. So the ex can't move on. Yes that ex partner of the narc is an empty shell that was nothing before the narc arrived into their lives and is once again nothing now that the narcopath has departed. There is no doubt that is only one of the themes of that carefully crafted fake narrative presented to the dupe. But the main thing is that narrative totally legitimizes the narcopath even in the face of all of the videos made by her ex. Yes what a clever stroke of that narco paths imagination. The narc can have their Karpman triangle right in the face of a Karpman triangle video. But this triangle is artistic, subtler, more covert, more refined. But in it's own way this more covert way of dealing with things is also much more sinister. Yes the dupe is all in, and they and the narc are both on the same page. Subtle subterfuge. Intellectual and philosophical warfare. But when you boil it all down it is still all of the same game playing. Immature and foolish deception and posturing with the appearance of reason and logic, presented with pseudo-scientific intellectualistic language. The same old garbage dressed up to look different. In my case, at least the narc's first weasel partner who was used to cruelly triangulate was unsophisticated enough to not be able to help himself. That weasel's self deluded sense of greatness and personal narcissism could be seen a mile away. But we aren't talking about that type of overt aggression designed to destroy. Yes this attack is more “covert”, but with all of the same malevolence, only having the surface appearance of humility. Yes this new strategy is to appear humble. Speak gently with deference. But then provide links to so called “helpful” videos designed to begin playing at a sentence that gives the real message intended. Clever. Covert. Wicked. The same goes with the so called “helpful” advice to victims of covert narcissist abuse that ends up creating confusion and making the victim once again question themselves and think themselves the ones that bear much if not all of the responsibility for the narcopath abusing and eventually leaving. Yes that so called “help”, when analyzed gives these creeps away and shows them to be the phonies that they are. Sadly you can never have a clear and open conversation, a fruitful exchange of ideas that both parties can learn and benefit from with a narcopath. It's all about winning at a game of deception for the narcopath, and that is the other “tell” that separates a well meaning person with incorrect information seeking a conversation from a disruptor with the intent of destroying, of demoralizing, of confusing, of silencing. So the new narrative used against a covert narcissist abuse victim is that they made the narcopath “their whole lives” and that is why they couldn't get over it when the narcopath departed. Well that could make sense, if it were true. That could make sense, but the problem is that covert narcissism actually exists and that victim can't get over the situation because of severe psychological and emotional abuse. Covert narcissism is real, not a myth. Yes there are actually people in the world dedicated to lying and deceit. People who don't have a conscience or remorse. People who discard and weave false narratives of abuse simply to suit their own needs and desires. Yes people who create accounts of abuse and terrible intolerable behavior that is fabricated out of thin air. No abuse whatsoever actually occurred. On the contrary, the discarded partner, the so called abuser was supportive, kind, complimentary, compassionate, and appreciative. The so called abuser was the one who was actually being terribly abused and lied to on a daily basis. The so called abuser was being ground down and sucked dry of every ounce of their lifeforce. But the narcopath twisted everything and projected all of the abuse originating from themselves onto the ex partner, the actual victim of abuse. But what about that accusation of making the narcopath not the center of their lives, but “their whole life”? Well once again a small amount of actual fact is mixed in with a huge deception, cobbled together, then presented as the truth. Make no mistake, the covert narcissist's goal was to enslave their target and make that target totally dependent on them. Yes that narcopath wanted the em path or self love deficient person or codependent to make them not just the center of their lives, but “their whole life”. However if that target ever actually did make that narcopath “their whole life”, it was not because of any deficiencies in themselves, it was because the narcopath never gave up until finally they got it all their way and made themselves that target's whole life. The very point of all of the narcissist's lies, the gaslighting, the future faking was to fully and totally manipulate and control another human being. Yes if the narc had their way they would have precisely what was described: a person who made them their whole life. No, not just the center of their lives, but their whole life. It should be stated clearly again: If such a poor soul exists they were purposefully made that way by the narcopath, not because of their own deficiencies and dysfunctional need to focus their whole life on someone else. But how easy it is to twist everything and once again blame the victim. The irony and the wickedness of it all is that once the narc has created this so called mind numbed robot they actually use the result of all of their abuse as the reason for them to discard that self same victim. Yes that is the definition of evil, of incredibly depraved indifference, wickedness and cruelty. This is possible for the covert narcissist because they don't see anyone else as an actual human being, the narcopath's victims are dehumanized and are simply seen as appliances for the narcopath to use. But the narcopath is never done. They now enlist others and tell them of that target's “issues”. Yes that target is still dwelling on covert narcissism and continues to recount the details of abuse in that relationship in videos they are making. But of course the narcopath being under the impression that they have ownership of a previous target couldn't possibly allow that person to have sovereignty over their own lives, so the narc enlists their new soul mate, or new best friend or any other person they can convince into being a flying monkey, in to handle a lingering “problem” they have. Yes the new dupe will now be helpful and try to point out to the target that they have a huge problem. Yes the victim of a covert narcissist is now told all of their problems that arose from the relationship with a covert narcissist are their fault and their fault alone. Never is there any allusion whatsoever to the narcopath having any problems at all. No, those lies, the deception, the gaslighting, the cycle of flattery, mirroring idealization, followed by the honeymoon period and the devaluation and sudden discard are a mere coincidence. Maybe those events never even occurred, are even outright lies. The target is severely deluded. Covert narcissism is a myth, or at least their interpretation of their ex as having been a covert narcissist is faulty. Yes that ex partner, the actual victim is the one with all of the problems. The victim is the one lying, making up stories, and fabricating the scenarios of that relationship out of thin air. Isn't that cute. The foolishness of these clowns is unimaginable. Yes the accounts of someone who lived something, actually witnessed it all, and was the actual victim of those events doesn't know what he is talking about, but a third party who was never even present is going by the “accurate” accounts of a covert narcissist, a proven liar one hundred times over, and presenting themselves as an authority on those events. You have to give it to those covert narcissists. This is an absolute master stroke. Their crowning achievement. The narc achieves the near impossible: they create a dupe, a clown that fully believes all of their lies and never questions. Even when given all of the information about how covert narcissists lie and deceive and manipulate their targets. Even when numerous details of what is actually going on inside the warped head of that narcopath are presented to them clearly. Even after having most of the details of the abuse that the individual narcopath perpetrated clearly described right in front of their eyes. Well maybe some narcopaths do finally find their lap dog. Good for them. But that is of no concern or interest to the victims. What is of concern is when these fools spew garbage and misinformation and use the age old technique of projection, actually putting all of the blame and abuse squarely on the shoulders of the genuine victim. Yes the narcopath is the sane one and needs to change nothing. They were the victim. Yes the person victimized by the narcopath is presented as the one who needs to work on themselves and change. Well here is the narco paths problem: Their lies and manipulations are now clearly visible. Those victims are now living in the world of reality where black is black, white is white, up is up, and down is down. No more floating in outer space or drifting in a fog. Reality bites but only those who refuse to acknowledge it. So here is the reality: Most victims did love that narcopath and make that person their highest priority and even the center of their lives. That is a function of love. But to say that narc was the target's whole life is a vast over reach. Most of those targets did have many interests in art, in nature, in science, things that attracted the narcopath in the first place. But just because a partner becomes the focus of our attention, our highest priority as is appropriate when a person genuinely loves another human being does not at all add up to that partner being someone's whole life”. So when an anon wants to give “helpful” advice about not making someone “your whole life” it is immediately seen for the nonsense that it is. At least for me. But even for those who were conned and manipulated into making a narcopath their whole lives, how dare someone even suggest that those people are to blame for that. That qualifies as kicking someone, even psychologically abusing someone when they are already down. Yes, that anon referred to with all of the “helpful” comments is real. All of the events recounted in my relationship with the narcopath are true to the best of my recollection. All of the interactions with that narco paths first new partner, the weasel that was her partner right after the discard are real. No they aren't fabrications, they are raw facts of the harsh and cruel reality that every covert narcissist abuse victim has to deal with long after that creep is done with them. So it becomes clear that the narcopath did everything in their power to break down the victim and eliminate all of their interests, leaving themselves as the only thing remaining in the victim's life. But that was by the covert narcissist's design. When the narc's strategy doesn't work and they see that the victim doesn't give everything up, that is called disloyalty or inattentiveness displayed by the victim. When the target refuses to be manipulated, that is called showing a lack of love by the narcopath, or being difficult. Ironically, the narc will often accuse someone of being manipulative when that person refuses to be manipulated. So in the end the narc moves on and gives up when they realize that person will never become a slave. The excuse being that the person was never serious about the relationship, never really loved the narcopath and had never been loyal. Sadly, those who do give in to the narcopath eventually suffer the very same fate. Only in that case the narc makes the argument that the person had no life and made them their whole lives. No, you will never be able to win with a narcissist. They will always have an excuse for what we all now know is obvious: the narc does what they want to do due to pure selfishness, regardless of the cost to others. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. Ending commentary: The power of relying on God's advice as given in the Bible can not be overstated. We rarely understand that advice at the time, but if we follow it we see the benefits and wisdom of that advice eventually. God doesn't need to be told what the narcopath did to you. He is well aware of the situation. God doesn't need your advice on what should happen to the narcopath, what their punishment should be. God doesn't need your help in punishing that narcopath. God told you what to do: stay out of His way, He would take care of the situation. Any attempt at “informing” God of what we think He isn't aware of , any attempt at “helping” God means that we think we know better than God, means that we believe our solution to the problem is superior to that of God's. Yes that narc may not suffer or pay for what they did to us and we won't be able to understand why that was allowed. Yes God does allow the wicked to prosper and the Bible makes it very clear that God is aware of the frustration that causes those victims. He understands the pain, the rage and your longing to see justice. But God is in control. He has this.

Things that the Covert Narcissist Will Never Understand and Why It's important to the Target The Goal of any covert narcissist abuse survivor is to fully heal, to completely divorce themselves mentally, physically and emotionally from the narcopath. But we all know that is easier said than done. The memories of the narcopath can't simply be erased and there are many reasons for this. The short explanation for the inability of the target to move on is that the targeted victim was not in a real relationship with a person who genuinely cared about them. But that isn't even the worst of it, not only did the narcopath not care about the target, they literally set out to use abuse and victimize that person. The result is that the narcopath turns a person they target into someone who questions their own perception of reality and their own self worth and abilities. In the end that target is a shadow of themselves and the abrupt departure of the narcopath with little or no explanation creates a deep trauma. Because of the incessant gaslighting by the narcopath that victim has literally been lured into a fantasy world. That luring was done very gradually and incrementally by a narcopath who had practiced this routine for the greatest majority of their lives with multiple victims. Thankfully some people become aware of the game being played and exit the relationship, saving themselves. But many victims have made their investment and even though they are aware something is very wrong with the relationship they persist in trying to make things work. Meanwhile every additional moment in that relationship means the target loses more and more of themselves. At the same time the narc is making plans for their next adventure with a suitable target. Yes the covert narc I was with had decided the next muse would be a military man, preferably someone living in California. The social site that narc had become addicted to was like a candy store for targets and a catalog for different points of view. A supposed liberal covert narc against gun violence would now indulge in an association with a gun loving conservative. If you take a look at this behavior from a detached point of view the bizarre behavior of the covert narc is interesting, but sick. Yes, the shopping had begun long before the final departure of that narcopath. But that is an aside. The victim is both disoriented and confused at the sudden discard coming seemingly out of nowhere for no reasonable explanation. Why? Because the target's reality was dictated by the narcissist and that false reality was slowly but surely getting further and further away from actual reality. It isn't that the victim was losing their ability to reason or use logic, it's just that the “material” that the target was working with was less and less based on actual genuine circumstances, but instead based upon the lies constructed by a depraved narcopath. The target was sane but because they were deceived they were no longer making sound decisions or plans, because those decisions and plans were all based on a foundation of lies. The narc had broken that person down to the point where they had lost themselves and wrapped their whole existence and future around the narcissist. The facts, which were of course all fake and phony facts of the relationship, were everything that the target based their reality on. When the narc departed, here was nothing left. That target's reality departed with the narcopath. Yes, now the narc would deny it all and weave an intricate tale of being abused and lied to and cheated upon. Classic projection. Yes the narc created the fake reality of the relationship and because they were the sole author of that fraudulent reality, the narcopath felt they had the copyright on that reality and could change it at will and be the final authority. So the victim is left with many unanswered questions, confused and disoriented making the narcopath's job all the easier. Yes, that victim's efforts at getting any answers or closure gives the covert narcissist all of the evidence required to convince anyone involved that the victim is the irrational one, the unstable one, the crazy one. So that is how it ends. The narc moves on washes their hands of the situation and pursues their new partnership. Clean and simple. Meanwhile that target is left with nothing, almost everything has been taken and what was left has been severely damaged. Normal, genuine relationships aren't like this at all. When both partners actually invest themselves into a relationship they both have skin in the game, something at stake. So that relationship has significance and meaning. The partner is respected as a human being, and loved. A commitment is made and genuine loyalty and empathy for that partner mean that there is an incentive to make the relationship work.. If things aren't right with the relationship, feedback is given. So in the end there is very little question when a relationship ends. It may well be that one of the partners still wants to make it work, but when that partner has put in their best effort and is satisfied they have done all that can be done, they have no problems letting go. Yes you were given a chance to satisfy that person and give them what they needed and if that isn't enough there are no hard feelings. Let another person do what you couldn't do and try to make your former partner happy. The key is that there is mutual respect and effort put in and if things don't work there is at least an earnest attempt to help each partner make a transition. If one partner cheats, they at least show genuine remorse and take the deserved anger and disappointment and resentment like an adult. Yes even in the worst scenarios where one person deeply injures the other in a relationship an effort is made to make things right, take the blame, absorb the deserved anger, acknowledge wrongdoing, and at least help the betrayed partner heal. But of course a relationship with a covert narcissist is anything but normal. So instead of a person moving on in a month or two it takes the discarded victim of a covert narcissist years and maybe decades. Why? Because the covert narcissist never fulfilled their responsibility as a genuine partner. They simply walked away from it all. This is how things work for someone that had the misfortune of having a covert narcissist target them. That victim took the relationship seriously, gave the due respect to the narcissist, and most importantly tried to adjust and compromise to make the relationship work. The narc purposefully kept that partner in an endless cycle of trying to please and that narc constantly moved the goalposts or simply altered the facts, especially when it came to past statements. Yes those past statements were edited or simply fabricated out of thin air. Statements that the narc themselves had made or even statements the target had made were altered to either create confusion or fit a fake narrative that the narc intended to construct. The end goal of all of the narc's ploys is always the same: pure manipulation of another human being. The narc sought to manipulate both that target's thoughts and actions. Yes the narc would put words into the target's mouth that they never uttered in an effort to constantly confuse and frustrate that target. Yes the natural flow between two partners in trying to adjust, trying to compromise, trying to create a harmonious future was obfuscated, confused and actually re-purposed by the narcissist to manipulate the partner. Why? Because the narcopath wasn't in a relationship at all. That narc was playing a game. They had no real commitment or love. That narc was in fact making a very minimal investment into that relationship despite outward appearances. They had no real skin in the game. That is even true in cases where the narcopath is in a relationship for decades. Worst of all the narc didn't care an iota about that person they victimized. That narc didn't care from day one, but sadly for the partner that lack of concern only became evident when that narc was finished with them and it was too much of a bother for the narcopath to leave the relationship with grace. In fact the narc even took advantage of that and triangulated with their new partner, cruelly toying with that ex partner's emotions. Yes, even love and devotion and loyalty that are no longer wanted or needed can be a source of fuel. That ex partner's pain gives a great sense of power and accomplishment to the narcopath. So it is clear that the narc had nothing of any value at stake at all, they never made themselves vulnerable. The bottom line is that the narc cared about no one but themselves and themselves alone. That harsh reality is beyond the scope of the victim's imagination at the time of discard. Only time and knowledge shed light on what was actually going on with the narcopath. Yes, eventually reality sets in but that takes time. A long time. It's all the same to the narc. It's not their problem. OK. Would any sane, rational human being be able to live with themselves after doing even once the things that covert narcissists commit over and over again? So in the end, as time goes by it is the covert narcissist's problem because no one avoids reaping what they sow, but it most definitely stops being the problem of the victim. Yes that victim can heal and even though it takes years to accomplish what would have been accomplished in weeks it doesn't really matter at all in the grand scheme of things. Yes, the key to recovering from covert narcissist abuse is to put those people behind us, to see them for what they are and to see them for the type of people that have no value if we want to go on with our lives as productive, mentally healthy, positive people. So we have to look at that association we had with the covert narcissist pragmatically, take away most of the emotions and just analyze things for what they were, not what we imagined them to be. Yes we will call that association we had with the covert narcissist a relationship, but let's be clear, the relationship was only on our side. The covert narc themselves was simply playing a game, putting on an act, seeing how far they could take things. Seeing how much lying duplicity and treachery they could get away with. Seeing how far they could take the abuse, and getting a huge thrill out of disorienting and confusing a person on an ever increasing scale. The gaslighting was all for one main purpose: to gain control and to manipulate. To make a person doubt their own perceptions, their own self image. To literally dictate the reality of another human being. If we zoom out and take a bird's eye view of that association initiated by the covert narcissist we see clearly that this association was never a real relationship at all. It was a counterfeit in every sense of the word. That association began on a false premise right from the very start, with the narcopath closely observing then mirroring a target's likes and dislikes, which progressed to the narc idealizing and very subtly flattering the target until a seemingly genuine relationship was initiated. The narc was never really interested in making a lifetime commitment, but they even went so far as to verbally and very convincingly make a lifetime commitment before any actual relationship was initiated. Yes the narc would even make the commitment to marry at some time in the future if that is what it took. But in every single instance, every word that came out of that covert narcissist's mouth was insincere deception. The narc did and said whatever was necessary. The game was initiated and followed the same pattern countless victims of covert narcissists have experienced. The devaluation and discard all eventually arrived at the appropriate times and in the proper sequence. So another damaged person whose life had been destroyed was left stranded without a clue as to what had just occurred. The covert narcissist's trademark attribute of having no remorse or conscience was on clear and indisputable full display. Just a new relationship for the narc and a bright new horizon. For the narc. End of story. Simply put that association was fake and phony from the beginning to the middle to the end. No the covert narcissist never cared, no they never loved, it was just simple posturing. An act performed for the simple thrill of getting another person to be convinced without a doubt, to believe in something that wasn't true. To believe in a reality that the narcopath constructed out of thin air. Even the persona, the person that narc portrayed themselves as was phony. Yes getting people to believe a lie is what gives the narcissist their false, self-deluded sense of superiority, of grandiosity. So what is it that the covert narcissist will never understand? Well, they will never understand the subtleties of a real relationship. The genuine acts of selflessness and kindness that are given as gifts to another human being with never a thought of reciprocation or gain. Acts of love that give a sense of joy simply because it pleases to give encouragement and care more about someone else than we care about ourselves. The narc will never have the courage to make themselves vulnerable and therefore never get the great reward for believing in another human being and sticking with that belief. That narc will never experience the accomplishment of inspiring someone to achieve something that they never thought possible simply by giving that person encouragement and support. The narcissist will never experience the sorrow, the anxiety, the tribulations of another human being or share in the great joy when that person overcomes those obstacles. The narc will never understand the meaning of giving oneself to another human being and becoming one with that person. The narc will never be able to comprehend all of the most important and subtle emotions that go into a relationship that make that relationship both meaningful and valuable and more than anything else consequential, significant, genuine, real. Yes, when a person has a genuine relationship they actually put themselves at stake. They feel their partner's pain, they feel the intense emotions when their partner experiences a tragedy. They feel the intense joy in their partner's success after that partner's intense effort st achieving something. Yes, a genuine relationship isn't a two dimensional game of chess where the partner is just another pawn and only one person is aware that a game is being played. It is an actual experience based on reality, based on investing your heart, your soul, your future, in fact your whole life into another human being. Having that person be as important to you as you are to yourself and maybe even more so. Yes, a covert narcissist might feel some of that pain or glory when they become a parent and relate to their own children, but sadly even that experience is a mere fraction of what it should be or needs to be. But don't ever expect a covert narcissist to ever have any feelings for their partner. Yes, we have to keep in mind that the covert narcissist lives a droll, lifeless, soulless black and white existence. The only subtlety in that narcopath's life is the subtlety of being a deceptive human being who makes themselves superior through treachery, deception and destruction. So what is the point being made here? Every victim that was targeted by a covert narcissist has a long way to go before they ever attain freedom from the abuse that they suffered. This is primarily because that victim partnered with someone who wasn't equipped with even the most basic tools to make a relationship work. In fact that narcopath didn't even know the first thing about what a genuine relationship requires and is composed of. The narc never even got into the relationship for any of the reasons a normal person enters a relationship. Moreover that narcopath wasn't even interested in the substance of what a genuine partner has to offer. That target was literally casting pearls before a swine. Let's make no mistake about it, that victim was not the crazy one, they weren't the unstable or irrational one. Under any normal circumstance and in any normal relationship with a person who actually cared and made an attempt to be a true lifetime partner a relationship could have been dissolved if need be and that target would have gotten back on their feet in a reasonable amount of time. That target would have washed their hands of the situation and felt lucky that the partner who was so dissatisfied with the relationship was out of their life. In other situations with a less forthcoming partner that was still not a covert narcissist, there would have been many red flags and warnings right on the surface that made it very clear that the relationship wasn't working out, that their partner couldn't be trusted. That would allow the person to pull back and make themselves less vulnerable. But being that the covert narcissist was not really in a relationship at all, was in a game , and never had a dog in the fight that narc continued their ruse up until the very end. It didn't make a difference what effects would be had on the ex partner. So the damage was done. The disorientation, the emotional pain, the self doubt, all of that was unnecessary and unneeded. But the narc didn't care at all and couldn't help themselves but to purposefully make sure that the target's defenses were all broken down. So the victimized target lost all of the tools to get themselves back. There is no doubt that the covert narcissist will never understand the pain suffering and incredible damage their act of depraved selfishness caused to their ex partner. That narc doesn't even have the capacity to comprehend most of those emotions. Quite honestly they don't want to understand and they don't care. There may one day be a time when the narcissist encounters a tragedy and loses something very important to them, but make no mistake they will never think back to any of the victims whose lives they personally destroyed and make the connection. Yes the covert narcissist will never share in the joy of another person's victory or share in another person's agony when a tragedy befalls them, not to mention all of the multiple emotions in between that are present in every genuine relationship. Why? Because that narcopath is simply not engaged with their partner. It's all a game. Yes, the narc will get immense pleasure out of causing someone else's pain and agony. Also, many a narc may have cold empathy but that is diabolical to say the least. It would be better for the narc to feel nothing at all. Make no mistake, the narcissist will one day experience the agony of their own defeat, and being that they are as selfish as they are, that is the only time it will ever have any consequence or meaning for them. The only empathy a narcopath feels is for themselves, but of course that isn't empathy at all. We are talking about genuine empathy. For the narcissist empathy is simply a vulnerability they can capitalize on and take advantage of, it's not something they can actually understand themselves. Because of that they only make use of a fraction of their potential as a human being and lose out on almost all of the opportunity of what life has to offer. Yes, they never realize their own potential because they simply refuse to engage in and commit to life as an integrated human being. But the narcopath also holds themselves back by not ever being able to recognize genuine opportunity, even when all they need to do is reach out for it. Yes the narcissist will never understand the depths, the breadths, and the scope of human existence. They'll never understand the potential of what a genuine relationship can do for a person who gives freely of themselves and receives freely from another. Sadly, the narcissist has missed out on the meaning of their very lives, their life's purpose. Yes that narc had a purpose they were put on this earth for and it wasn't to be a predatory creep or a puppet for Satan. That covert narcissist was meant to accomplish good things to achieve positive results to be a force for good. The narcissist will never understand that we were all put on this earth for a purpose and that the ultimate goal is for a person to fulfill the purpose they were placed on this earth for. That is what brings joy and fulfillment, not chasing shadows and fake dreams that will never come true and were never meant to. Sadly, the narcissist will always believe that life is merely a game. The goal of their life is very simple: Win at all costs. Yes always come out ahead and be the winner. Yes, at all costs. Mostly to others, but sometimes even the narc will incur costs if it means they win. But the main cost that the narcopath never sees is the cost to themselves. The hidden cost that they are unaware of. What is that cost? It is the cost of squandering their own life, their own opportunity of being a genuine human being. They've squandered their own existence. They've wasted an opportunity. An opportunity that they can for the most part never get back again. So it becomes clear the narc is a dead end at best or a highway to hell if we stay on that road long enough. There is no “there” there. It was all an illusion. Happiness, joy, fulfillment are not to be found with a covert narcissist and never were. Yes the beginning of that relationship seemed perfect, but that was by design. We know how it ended and any so called benefit to the target was taken back and retrieved with interest by the narcopath. Yes, mental health means we see things clearly just as it would have been if a relationship with someone we were incompatible with ended on good terms. A relationship with someone who at least had respect and was serious about the relationship in the first place. That narc can go to a “not good place” or save themselves it is of no consequence to us. We no longer have a dog in the fight. We no longer have skin in the game. We have the right to go our own way. But the important thing is we were serious, we did care, we did love. We were committers. We made ourselves vulnerable. We did have skin in the game. We did have a dog in the fight. We were all in. But that was in the past. We are off the hook and that is a very good thing. Things that were beyond our imagination that are far superior to the narcopath in every way have been shown us. We are free. We are no longer bound. That is a 100% certainty if we never married that narc. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

Why We Give Up on the Covert Narcissist: Giving up on someone isn't easy. When you have loved someone and wrapped your whole existence around that person giving up on them is the equivalent of killing a part of yourself. So yes, you could twist that and say there are selfish reasons for not being able to let go. But that is the line of reasoning of a covert narcissist. Of course the victim made themselves vulnerable when they should never have done so. Of course they misplaced their faith. Of course that victim misjudged the situation. But does that now mean the target of the covert narcissist should place all of the blame on their own shoulders? Does this mean that because that target invested themselves into the narcissist their inability to let go is only because they care for that investment? The narc thinks precisely along those lines. The narcissist also gets an ego boost and perceives that inability of the target to let go as a testimony to their own superiority, their own greatness. But is that a way of looking at life? Does this way of thinking work? The narcissist believes without a doubt this type of twisted warped logic works very well. For them. But for this life view to work the narcissist has to omit everything that doesn't fit their narrative, has to minimize or deny their own culpability and place all of the blame onto the victim. More importantly, the narcissist has to breach the unwritten contract, the agreement that was reached in the genesis of that relationship. Yes the unwritten contract of being in a relationship is to make a commitment, to be there for each other and to make the best attempt possible to work things out when there are disagreements. It should also be noted that in many cases all of these things were discussed in high detail and verbally agreed to before any relationship was ever even pondered. Yes, the narc agreed to it all, never meaning a word they said. So when the implicit contract of a relationship is even made more firm and explicitly agreed to, you don't just walk away and give up when the going gets tough. Part of being in a relationship means holding on, trying to understand. But the narc twists it all and calls it selfish to not allow them to simply switch partners, to walk away when they get bored. Yes all of society is based on numerous unwritten agreements. So if we lived by the rules of the covert narcissist all society would break down. No one could trust anything or anyone. Yes, just do as you please whenever you please. Damn the rules, the narc is above them all. Their mantra is “do as thou wilt”, the primary law of the Satanist. Now sadly, a victim that has been “given the treatment” by a narcissist and is in the devaluation phase of the relationship will believe themselves that the narc has valid reasons for all that they do. That includes emotional, psychological, and in some cases physical abuse. That includes justifying the covert narcissist leaving at the drop of a hat and not needing to give any explanation or have any concern whatsoever for the target they have now tired of using and abusing. That includes being made to feel selfish for not simply letting go when the narcissist is done with us. But of course much has been omitted. Our attachment for that narcissist isn't all about us per se. We actually cared about that person. We saw their flaws and even though we weren't aware of covert narcissism we were aware of many of the elements that made the covert narcissist defeat themselves. Yes as a partner who had made that lifetime commitment to a very deeply flawed individual we felt it was our function, our obligation even, to try and get them to a place of peace and contentment. A place that admittedly we wanted to spend with them. We saw that person's potential and wanted to help them achieve it. But that was before we knew anything about covert narcissism and could even conceive of the fraudulent situation we were in. That narc neither cared about us nor had they made any investment or commitment to us. It was a game for the narcissist. An act. A performance. But even after that narcissist was gone and before we understood the game that was being played, the ruse perpetrated upon us, we still deeply believed in that vision we had of who that narcissist could be, the good that was inside of them. We believed they loved us and shared our vision for the future and we genuinely felt that the narcissist was losing something of substance: the love, concern, and investment that we had made in these creeps. Yes we were puzzled at the time. How could the narcissist simply walk away from all of our efforts? The answers came later. That covert narcissist was in that relationship for the experience and the experience alone. Our efforts, all of our heart and soul that we poured into that individual were of no value to the narcissist. Yes they were useless garbage and so were we. So we were simply put out on the curb like any garbage when our purpose had been served. The narcissist wanted us removed from their presence, thoughts, and memories. They had a new stage set up and the role of their partner would be filled by another “chosen one”. Yes, sadly you would simply be omitted and erased just as easily as all of the important details of the relationship that point to the narcissist having been a fake and an abuser. Oh yes, you were omitted, but your role as an abusive perpetrator would be retained. No, that narcissist wasn't done with you just yet. You were needed to seamlessly get that narcissist into the arms of the next main character in their passion play. Yes the female narc would be killed and reborn a butterfly emerging from a cocoon and flying delicately into the horizon to meet her next soul mate. The male narc would be a phoenix emerging from the fire victorious. Just some of the innumerable metaphors possible. The reality is that the covert narcissist simply killed the fake persona of one relationship and is now invested in their next phony and fake persona. The masks were simply changed and a new part would be played by the narcopath. But the narc perceives themselves as a victim who overcame and reemerged “changed”. No, boredom, lack of commitment, lying, treachery, and cheating had nothing at all to do with that transformation. Once again key facts are minimized or omitted to make this narrative a reality despite the actual occurrences. So yes twisted logic based on lies, deception, and gaslighting, works well for the covert narcissist. Omitting key and critical details of what happened in that relationship by denying those things ever occurred or minimizing their importance works like a charm. It even convinces the narcissist of their own lies. Yes, they would probably pass a polygraph. So in that sense and in that sense alone has the covert narcissist “grown”. That covert narcissist has less and less conscience over time, lying and treachery and every other form of abuse becomes easier and easier to perpetrate and becomes more refined. The only thing that will ever stop that narcissist is when they themselves inadvertently become tangled in their own web and suffer damage themselves. Yes, of course the narcissist will capitalize on that as well and simply twist the circumstances using any damage done to them as proof of their own victim status. As proof that they themselves have been abused. Yes, when you make an art form out of denying responsibility to the point where you even convince yourself, you could say that that is a viable way of living life. Yes it “works”. But does any sane human being agree with any of that? Most of us understand that the truth is critical. Assessing things accurately is critical. Seeing things as they are is important, even if that means taking blame, feeling remorse, feeling guilt. No one likes the real and deep emotional pain associated with beating yourself up and having to face the fact that you have to change your attitude. That is the maturation process. No one likes heeding a conscience or feeling remorse. No one likes being fully aware that they could have done better. Yes, when our interactions with another human being don't go as planned, we try to understand and take whatever responsibility for that situation that is necessary. Sometimes we realize that it wasn't our fault, that our attitude was mostly correct and that the other person simply didn't get what we were trying to communicate in that interaction. Fine, but denying responsibility and demonizing the person we have a disagreement with isn't the “go to” response. First we look at ourselves, we assess things and try to see both sides of the story, knowing full well that we can never know what the other person's motivations or thought process really was. But the covert narcissist is the exception to that rule of not knowing what goes on inside of another person's head. Because individual covert narcissists exhibit similar patterns of behavior to others in their group and these narcs all have similar reasons for doing these things we can get an idea of what that covert narcissist's line of thinking and motivational forces were. Once we know we have ourselves a covert narcissist of course. That gives us far more answers than would ever be coming from the narc themselves. That allows us to finally sort things out, because we now have many of the missing pieces. The pieces that the covert narcissist insisted on minimizing or insisted on omitting are now able to be seen clearly and incorporated into the narrative. Just to be clear we are talking about the things that covert narcissist was doing right in front of the victim, while that victim was present. We are talking about the deception, misdirection, projection, future faking, word salad, among many other tools of the narcissist's trade that made it possible for the covert narcissist to disorient and confuse the target to the point that the target doubted their own perceptions, doubted what they saw happening right in front of themselves. That was only the tip of the iceberg, since the treachery, deception, disloyalty, and cheating occurring behind the target's back was exponentially worse than what was being observed by that target. Yes, the narc in their own way has done that victim a great service by leaving the scene, but it will take many years of work for the victim to finally see that. So yes eventually the target does the unthinkable for themselves and gives up on another human being. Every avenue of communication was shut down by the narcissist and every effort to resolve the conflict was stonewalled. Every effort to have a healthy amicable split was denied. Even after all of that abuse, lying, treachery, that target still cared about the narcissist, wanted to understand and wanted to believe that the person they saw deep inside that narcopath, the person that narcopath had the potential to be was really there. Yes we believed that despite all of the abuse that narcopath did have a core of humanity. But time proved us wrong. The criticism coming from that narcissist that we thought was an effort to show us our failings and get us to become better people was simply raw abuse by the narcissist for the purposes of causing frustration and emotional turmoil. That pronouncement of love by the narcissist was simply an obligation the narcissist felt they had to maintain the pretense for caring and being committed. That proclamation of love was also posturing to make sure that narcissist kept you on the hook until they were quite certain of your replacement. So the narc had it all planned out from day one. All through the mirroring idealization phase, all through the golden period, all through the devaluation phase. Yes the script had been written previously and now you would be cast as the savior, turned lover, turned abuser. You were just next in line to play that part and sooner or later another would be chosen. The narc themselves never saw the part they were playing, other than that of victim. They naturally shifted from victim status in one relationship to the victim in the next. That narc never saw their part as the abuser, as the manipulator, as the true perpetrator. Yes that narcissist freely shifted from one point of that Karpman triangle to the next, sometimes playing different roles in different settings. But the narcissist never saw themselves as the perpetrator. Yes if they were ever in the role of perpetrator they saw themselves as a “crusader”, fighting the forces of evil. You, as the target were chosen to fit the bill and be the evil they were fighting. That was all done seamlessly and the narc was aware of it and was quite proud of their ability to pull things off. Yes that narc got a real boost to their self confidence and self esteem by being able to con so many people and get away with it. But the covert narcissist's perfect world is ruined when victims of these creeps actually begin exposing these people and their methods of operation. Individual accounts of abuse, even when done anonymously, don't sit well with the narcopath. Worst of all, calling these people's actions out as evil means that a victim viewing the information might actually begin to wake up and realize the farce that was acted out and presented to them as a genuine relationship. Yes, that victim might actually begin to understand that they weren't wrong or at fault or deserving of all of that abuse. Well, facts are facts and having a full unedited version of what occurred in that relationship, as painful as it is to digest, eventually allows the victim to recover. Part and parcel of that recovery is coming to the conclusion that that covert narcissist was a waste of a human being and not worth our efforts. That is harsh and that is sad. But the narc gets exactly what they wanted: Full freedom, carte blanche to do as they please and perpetrate a new ruse on a new target. Yes, the individual covert narcissist is safe, since that target will not engage or get anywhere near that covert creep again. But exposing the aggregate of covert narcissists that are loose in society is fair game. The target has done what was needed. That target put every effort in to reach the narcissist, to help them, to show the significance and genuineness of their love. That target even wanted to try and show that narcopath that there is a better way of living. To fully forgive that covert narcissist. But that was before the true harsh reality of the heartless calloused environment inside of a covert narcissist was fully realized. So, eventually the target comes to a point where they have “served their sentence”. Yes the target suffered terribly and may well continue to suffer into the future, but one thing is for certain: That narc is erased. They are gone and they had better stay that way. But what about the people that call themselves sufferers of NPD that have a legitimate point to make. Shouldn't we empathize with them? Yes possibly a person could view these videos and take them to heart. Well here is the thing: Anyone with a conscience or remorse, anyone who actually becomes self aware shouldn't at all take these videos to heart. These videos aren't about anyone who actually has the ability to feel remorse or has a conscience. These videos aren't about anyone who would ever take any criticism to heart. They aren't about someone who is reachable, they are about the unreachable. They are about people who see a video, even one made by a person they personally victimized and have absolutely zero remorse or guilt. They laugh everything off. That narc's only concern is personal exposure and as long as they are safe they are unaffected by the description of their actions or the pain they cause. The narc's primary concern is themselves and personal exposure. So what about the self proclaimed innocent victim suffering from NPD through no fault of there own who was born that way? Shouldn't we be concerned about calling whole groups of people evil and possibly damaging an innocent party? That point is legitimate. But the problem with that argument is that we aren't calling covert narcissists out as being evil simply to demonize them as individuals, we are calling them evil because of their evil actions. The terrible calloused abuse that they perpetrate on others is evil and that is simply a fact. A self aware narcissist who may never be able to feel empathy for another person is not evil in and of themselves. That narc can choose to do the right thing and to try and do better and to try and not hurt people in the future. That can be respected. We have no malice whatsoever for those self aware covert narcissists. We don't hold them responsible for the fact that by either virtue of genetics or environment (upbringing) or both, they have no concerns for another person's suffering. It is the glee and maliciousness with which the average covert narcissist does their damage and the adrenaline boost they are addicted to as a result that we focus on. That behavior is fully and totally unacceptable and merits every pejorative term possible. No, this isn't a game the target is playing to “get even” or damage an individual, let alone complete strangers and whole groups of people that never did any harm to the target. The information, the descriptions of covert narcissists are critical and crucial to the real victims: Those who had their lives destroyed by the pure malevolent selfishness of a person whose actions are undeniably diabolical. But more importantly, a person that sees nothing wrong with continuing on doing damage. So to use some metaphors. If there are vampires lurking amongst us and we have encountered one of them and we are also aware that many more of these ghouls exist, is it not our responsibility to warn others of the existence and danger presented by these sacks of filth? Is it considered abuse of the vampire to let people know they exist and the damage they can do? Is it wrong to call out those vampires as evil bloodsuckers who pretend to be benign? Now if a vampire is self aware, identifies themselves as such and has found an alternative way of satiating their appetite that can be respected. But how many of those vampires actually do that? Very few. So people must be warned. That vampire has to be called what it is, evil with nothing but malevolent intentions. Similarly, if you are traveling in shark infested waters and have heard numerous accounts of people being eaten alive, wouldn't you warn someone who is about to go for a swim? If that person didn't take your advice, wouldn't you go one step further and tell them how dangerous sharks can be, especially when hungry? No, sharks aren't your friends when you encounter one of them that needs a meal. Yes many of those sharks are benign, even though they look dangerous. But just because only one out of ten sharks is a vicious killer, a man eater, are we now doing the wrong thing by calling sharks a menace. Yes the shark is just doing what comes naturally, but when people's lives are at risk we call these creatures dangerous and to be avoided. We do everything in our power to drive home the point since many people will just not get it. Until it's too late. Moreover imagine a shark that is as dangerous as most sharks but appears to be a friendly dolphin. One day when you least expect it that dolphin sheds its skin, shows its teeth and nearly mauls you to death. No, we call that unnatural and yes, evil. No the shark only did what came naturally and we knew the chances we were taking if we were foolish enough to trust them. But a creature that appeared to be a dolphin that was never a dolphin and tried to kill? Yes that is evil. Yes we have just described in different terms a wolf in sheep's clothing. A common metaphor for a covert narcissist. Yes a pathological covert narcissist who is neither concerned about changing nor wanting to see the error of their ways will never be touched or moved or made to feel bad about any video or other presentation depicting them as evil. It will have no effect upon them. The narc's only concern is their own personal exposure. Yes, if anyone were to take these videos to heart it would be the covert narcissist that was my partner. Well she did come to visit nearly a year ago and told me she had “found God”. The lies spewed in that encounter told a very different story. Yes, she was suffering from an illness and living alone and stated that maybe I should stop making videos about covert narcissism. Yes she had been watching the videos. All of them. Was there any sign of guilt or remorse? Even an apology? No. According to the narc she was there to give me closure. Well I will not go into high detail of all that was said, all of the lies told and the doubling down on the lies when confronted with verifiable contradictory proof. But OK, she was there to give me closure. No, not to silence me, although she had a lawyer that was carefully screening each video. But where was the remorse? Where was there any trace of having felt guilty or wanting to make things right? So let's spend a few moments in crazytown. There is a reason for it. Was it just coincidence that not a few weeks previous I had the most bizarre encounter with a “person” who was taking on two personalities at the same time and making threats and accusations about me personally in the comments section of my YouTube channel? Yes the person was a woman and her cousin all rolled up into one. When I responded by saying that the person she was describing wasn't me, that she had a case of mistaken identity and that I didn't know her, the response was “No, you (meaning I) have a case of mistaken identity”. What nonsense. Think about it for two minutes, So I assumed she was someone I never met and that meant I had a case of mistaken identity? OK. Does that mean I knew her, or “them”? Or did I have a case of mistaken identity and not know my own self? Who knows what was meant. It made no difference since I knew the truth. The creep never gave any coherent answers and was simply blocked after given numerous opportunities to either identify themselves anonymously with some details or otherwise prove who they were. Yes I had a strong inkling it was the ex narc trying to intimidate. The potentially sinister reference to her cousin will not be detailed out. But she was mistaken if I was ever going to respond to any of her threats ever again. Yes the narc had made similar bizarre postings on her social site, the most notable of which is when she posted as the same person, but used three different identities under that same tag name. In one post a surprise of a new iphone was being planned by two people under one tag name. One or two posts later the recipient of that iphone made note of how surprised she was by the unexpected gift under the same exact tag name. Are you confused yet? Yes it makes your head swim. No we can't make sense of the incoherent and nonsensical. But we certainly feel bad for those who aren't even aware of how foolish and crazy they sound. But back to the comments on that YouTube video. Was I communicating with one person or two? From my recollection the answer I received was something along the lines of: “Yes it's us.” Of course that makes no sense. It's worth repeating the notable quote from that freakish encounter. After I told this anon that I didn't know who they were their response was: “You have a case of mistaken identity”. It's like saying: “If you don't know me you have a case of mistaken identity”. OK. But then the person refused to acknowledge they knew me. Is this someone who wanted a serious conversation? Of course not. But all of the hallmarks of the ex covert narc partner made it highly likely that this was she. So not coincidentally does she show up shortly thereafter at my place of work, waiting an hour to speak to me with a different strategy than the anon did. Sure, just a coincidence. Yes it is possible, but highly improbable. Make no mistake that narc I was with knew she was evil. I never understood it at the time, but she had good reason to state “I'm not going to a good place”. Well that woman is alive and if she is bound for a “not good place” it is not because of any past actions, including all of the harm she did to me. Her refusal to see the error of her ways and become self aware to a point that she chooses to no longer do damage is her reason for having an ominous future. That person has been clearly shown the effects of her actions on others and more importantly has been shown a way out: Jesus. That is tough love. That is compassion. That is concern coming from a target and gifted to the narcissist despite that narc's terrible actions. That is empathy. But eventually the obligation is gone and the covert narcissist is rightfully written off. Yes the target has every right to give up on that narcopath. No, that doesn't mean that the covert narcissist is irredeemable, it just means that the narcopath's fate is no longer the responsibility of the target. The narc made their bed and will no longer be warned. Let the narc sleep in their bed. The narc created their stage, they chose the roles of each and every one of the characters in that farce presented as a real, genuine life. That narc even chose their own role. Yes, other people are involved in that drama, but we are out of the loop. It is no longer our obligation to point that out to our ex partner, someone who knows it all. Most narcissists simply perceive every attempt at waking them up as abuse, someone trying to play their game and beat them at it. OK. But we continue warning others about this condition of covert narcissism and the extreme danger of being in a relationship with these ghouls. So no we no longer empathize with the covert pathological narcissist. We gave our all. We emptied ourselves. We did empathize. All that was accomplished by the empathy was to give more energy to the narcissist. Energy that was used to commit even further abuse. All that the empathy did was embolden the evil cretinous covert narcissist further. Yes, all of our efforts at empathy simply had the result of producing enablement. Sadly we no longer believe in the covert narcissist and have written them off. But we retain our optimism and our belief that the vast majority of people on this earth are reachable and are worth empathizing with. So what ties everything in this video together is one simple truth: The narcissist continues to expect us to show them empathy when that’s all we ever did when we were in that relationship and long thereafter. It’s clearly provable that the narc themselves never had any empathy for us even after given many chances to prove they had a heart and a soul. Yes, it’s a two-way street this world is, but a narcissist will never understand that. It’s all about them and everything has to be put into terms that accommodate them. Yes we are now free. We have air around us again. Fresh air and sunlight and all of the toxicity is behind us. It is no longer our obligation to care or be concerned. We paid our dues and it should be stated again, we served our jail sentence. Yes the jail door was opened long ago, but like the bird man of Alcatraz we felt obligated to remain in that cell. Something inside of us told us we needed to stay in that cell, to try to understand what got us there in the first place. Somehow we were strangely attached to the routine in those restrictive and structured confines. Yes, that cell was a home to us and despite the harsh conditions we were comfortable there. But we finally realized there was a better life outside of those barred walls and we departed. We will never allow ourselves anywhere near that toxic environment created by a covert pathological narcissist again. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

End Comments: Remember: The covert narcissists wants covert narcissism to be a myth, and urban legend. That's how they think of covert narcissism. Yes, covert narcissism is a figment of the imagination, it doesn't exist according to the narcissist. Never in their wildest dreams would a covert narcissist watch a covert narc abuse video and connect the dots. The narc would never own any of that behavior as their own, but there would be a curious smirk on their face. Because all of the information presented in the video about how covert narcissists abuse could be used in that narc's next smear campaign against their next victim. Yes, all of the anecdotes shared by genuine victims of severe covert narc abuse could be appropriated by the narc for use in their next phony fabricated tale of victimhood. Do you see what is missing? No empathy for the suffering of these people. Just detached curiosity and a willingness to take advantage of another person's tragedy. Sick. But so typical of a heartless, evil, callous creep we all know to be a covert narcissist. Yes, covert narcissism exists. It is real. It is documented in the literature. But the narc will take no personal responsibility whatsoever. It's always the other person's fault and their problem. Never the narcissist's. Remember Also: The victim had every reason in the world to stop believing in that covert creep and that relationship, yet they still believed in this person, had faith in them. The covert creep had no reason whatsoever to give up on the relationship and every reason to believe in and have faith in the victim, and yet they still walked away. But the worst part of it all is that they demonized the victim for no good reason whatsoever. There was a reason though: They were a covert narcissist.

Letting the Covert Narcissist Win at Their Own Game Many covert narcissist abuse victims are left stranded and confused and one of the avenues of clearing up the tangled mess created by the narcopath is to seek answers through YouTube videos. Yes, it is true trained psychologists and other mental health professionals are the correct resource for many a victim. Those who feel they need immediate help should pursue that course of action and seek out a professional to get that help. Yes, in the end every video created is usually the opinion of its creator based on that person's individual experience. We hope these videos are presented sincerely and with the greatest amount of accuracy possible. But again they are opinion and should be viewed as such. There is no doubt that the conclusions drawn by people that have been abused by a covert narcopath are the editorial portion of any video. No, these conclusions aren't always based on pure psychology and should never be seen as a professional grade opinion. Only the actual occurrences, the actual abuse that is recounted, as seen from the vantage point of the victim can be viewed as having any firm foundation. It should be clear that even those detailed descriptions of the abuse that occurred in the relationship will be biased to one extent or another. You depend on the integrity, on the honesty and accuracy of the presenter. You depend on the fidelity of that person's memory. The proof of the value of any video is when it confirms what you yourself have already concluded. The value of a video directly correlates with the actual benefit it gives you. Yes, many of those anecdotal stories told by a narc abuse victim have value in and of themselves. The insights provided by those victims who have walked the path to recovery are also solid gold for many a victim that is only in the beginning stages of their recovery. Knowing that someone has been where you are now and has gotten themselves back gives weight to that person's opinion and conclusions even if that person's situation was far different from your own. The other important thing to make note of is that the variety of videos available to the narc abuse victim means that there is the possibility of finding a presenter with similar reactions to narcissist abuse as your own. Finding someone that “is on your wavelength” so to speak. So let's be clear, finding out that a whole portion of your life, possibly years and decades of that life, was a farce perpetrated upon you comes as a total shock to most of us. Yes we look back to a time before the concept of covert narcissism ever even entered our brain, a time when we actually thought that someone cared about us and loved us and gradually move our thoughts forward in time with close scrutiny of the events of that relationship as it unfolded. It takes hours of analysis, self introspection, and careful reflection for many victims to get to the point in time where they begin to understand in high detail the game that was being played. Yes, eventually we totally comprehend the dynamic of that fake relationship and come to the undeniable conclusion that we were actually always all alone. That person we thought was there for us was never there at all. That warm feeling we got when we thought we were entering a house full of love was an illusion. Yes we projected the love and the respect and the tolerance that we had for our covert narc partner onto them. We had that person's back and we believed without a doubt that they had ours. Yes, of course we knew there was an element of faith involved. Our belief and faith in that partner was a function of love. But we now understand it was blind faith and totally misplaced. That narc was never worthy of our love and never had any appreciation of that love other than to use it as a tool of manipulation. We totally understood that each and every person, including ourselves is selfish to one extent or another. But we believed in love and more importantly we believed that our partner did love us, even if they had difficulty showing it. We believed in the magical and remarkable quality of love that makes us care about another more than we care for ourselves, because that was true for us. Yes love implies that we share each others burdens and sometimes one partner needs more support or energy than another. We were more than happy to give far more than we received. We gave kindness, we were deeply concerned with the troubled chaotic covert narcissist and we were dedicated to being there for them no matter how difficult the situation or circumstances. That was the meaning of love for us. We believed wholeheartedly, that despite the abusive nature of that narc and their questionable loyalty and commitment that they did love us, even though it may have been very difficult for them to put our needs ahead of theirs. But then we find out it was all a lie. Yes our lives were nothing more than a ruse based on lies, deception, gaslighting, future faking and every other form of depraved debauchery that a covert narcissist so freely indulges in as they disrespect the very nature of what a relationship is and should be. Yes that narcopath was simply an abusive user, getting sick pleasure out of tormenting someone and gleefully thinking themselves wise and superior to that person who was foolish enough to actually swallow those lies that the narc was generating. So no, that narc never loved you or even cared about you and that is a reality that requires a lot of work to even begin to be able to comprehend. It requires us to edit, rewrite, and reinterpret whole sections of our lives. Events that we cherished and made our own. Events that had huge significance to us as individuals and the relationship as a whole are now seen in a completely new light. So yes it takes time to understand what really happened to you. It takes time to actually believe that depraved, low life sacks of filth, with nothing but pure poison and selfishness flowing through their veins actually exist. It takes many hours of introspection and analysis to come to the conclusion that the intimate partner that you thought of as the greatest gift ever given to you was one of these creeps. But eventually it becomes very clear that your ex was a covert narcissist. So the skeptics will ask: How can you tell? How can you label someone a covert narcissist being that you aren't a professional? The answer is that the proof is in the pudding. When that narc was done with the relationship and no longer had any use for the victim, that narcissist's pure selfishness and depraved attitude to a supposed lifetime partner came out without any camouflage whatsoever. No way, no how could anyone who ever cared about or loved another human being simply throw a partner of years and decades under the bus without explanation. Yes, cheating and adultery occurs all of the time, as do all sorts of other infidelities, but the narc sets themselves apart from a partner who makes a mistake and is genuinely remorseful. That narc, when they no longer have any use for the partner, simply refuses to expend any energy whatsoever on that partner. That ex can literally jump off of a bridge and the narc could care less. Some narcs actually go the extra mile and try their best to get that former ex to destroy themselves. Yes triangulation means that a narc and their new partner actually get a thrill out of destroying that ex partner. That bridge jump or the destruction of a whole business would be seen as an achievement that actually bonds that covert narc with their new partner. How sick to actually think that destroying a person's life or even worse getting them to destroy it themselves is something to celebrate and feel good about. No that covert narcissist when they are done, doesn't even put the effort in to pretend to be remorseful or have a conscience. The victim puts together the pieces and it becomes clear that their ex partner was a covert narcissist. So the anger sets in. The incredible rage at finding out that you were purposefully lied to, deceived, and used. The realization that another person was playing games and reveling at their ability to pull it all off means that the victim has an incredible amount of toxicity to purge from themselves. Yes the narc won and is gloating all the way to that new relationship, using every chance possible to advertise the superiority of their new partner. Yes the narc WON, they won big time and you lost. The greater the destruction of your life the greater that covert narcissist's gain. So what does the victim do about it all? Well there are plenty of videos that will tell you how to beat the covert narcissist or how to get revenge, or how to even the score, and every single victim is curious about how this can be done. Yes every single victim to one extent or another wants the satisfaction of paying back the covert narcissist personally. But is that really the solution? Is that how you vanquish the narcissist? Is that how you finally free yourself and have the strength to go on and feel good about yourself again? Well apparently that does work for some. Maybe a person could keep their integrity and their morality and give that narcissist a dose of their own medicine. Maybe a person could simply maintain truthfulness and never ever endeavor to threaten the narcissist in any way. Yes it is potentially possible to take action defensively, in and only in self defense, as long as it doesn't come at the expense of making any threats to the well being of that narcopath. But in many cases your existence as a human being that is still alive and standing may be the greatest annoyance that you could ever give to the narcopath. The fact that you are aware of all that they did to you and have no fear whatsoever to expose narcissists and their kind will never sit well with any covert narcissist. The very fact that you, who have no choice but to deal with the consequences of that narcopath's abuse, have refused to return to the narcissist any form of similar retribution is like a wooden stake into the narcissist's false narrative of being the victim. Every one of that narc's fake and phony accounts of the so-called abuse and evil that you supposedly committed can either be placed into question and dissolved by your harmlessness or confirmed by your need for revenge. Yes the narc projected their own treachery, disloyalty, lack of commitment, future faking and more importantly all of the toxic abuse onto the victim. Yes, according to the narcissist, you were guilty of precisely all that narcissist had done to you. Many flying monkeys believed. But it is the very fact that you have remained harmless that shows without a doubt that the narc's accusations are built upon a foundation of lies and deception. Yes the narc would be more than happy for you to try to settle the score on your own. You would play right into that creep's hand and above all you would be damaging yourself. Even if you could covertly terrorize that narcissist and get away with it, how on earth will this ever help you to repair the damage to your self image that you are now perpetrating upon yourself? In the end what you have that gives you immense power over the narcissist and possibly their new partner is that you have the truth. Yes, the only actual abuse committed is solely on the shoulders of the covert narcissist and their partner. That is strength and it is hard won, takes hard work, and is an ongoing struggle that gets easier over time. Do you understand the power of that? It is an attitude that is diametrically opposed to that of the narcissist. It requires a level of maturity that you may not even have been previously capable of. It gives you the power to eventually fully heal and free yourself of all of the toxic damage that the covert narcissist inflicted upon you. Letting that narc have the last word and “win” is the ultimate revenge. That narc has branded themselves like a bad tattoo that makes people cringe but that person thinks that somehow they have made themselves superior. Let that narc tattoo themselves with their depravity and their wins from head to toe. It is their choice and their responsibility. The minute you mix that narc's damage to your self esteem with damage you do to yourself, you leave the narc with a way out. You give at least some plausibility to the creep. You have every right to expose covert narcissism, but libelous activity or covert threats brings you down to the level of the covert narcissist. Yes you can warn people about an individual, but the details must be kept to a minimum unless you are dealing with law enforcement. Let the narcissist and their partner remain in the swamp. Keep your hands as clean as possible. After all, flushing the narcissist's toxicity that contaminated every pore of your being out of your system should be your entire focus. Yes this is one victim's opinion. But it is also one person's experience. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. End Comments: When you boil it all down to its essence you can

say that the narcissist was a waste of your time. A waste of a whole segment of your life. The

best we can do is minimize any further losses. Those of us lucky enough to never have married

or shared children with a narcissist have the possibility of restoring ourselves back to before

we ever met the narcissist. Yes, we just erase that narcissist from our lives,

retain the valuable insight gained and resume where we left off. Many of us were headed on the right track before the narc threw a monkey wrench into everything. So we go on and realize it's OK to be alone and we can be happy that way since it goes without saying that being alone is far better than a

relationship with a narcissist. We won't be insisting on or forcing a relationship any time soon. Not that we were even looking before that narc interjected themselves into our lives. Yes many of us were patiently waiting for the right situation with the right person to present itself to us. The narc insisted that they were that person. What a joke. The joke was on us and we have hopefully learned from that experience. Our “loss” will turn out to be a great gain as time unfolds just as the narc's “win” will pay them “dividends” as well. The narc brings their own misery upon themselves and no one should feel bad for these heartless creeps. They set themselves up. They sowed the wind and will reap the whirlwind. That's wisdom. Peace for us, turmoil and nothing good to look forward to for the narc. That's justice. Not our problem.