Will the Covert Narcissist Return, Are They “Watching” You? Will the narc return? Are they thinking about you? Are they keeping tabs on you? Every single targeted victim is interested in having answers to these questions. Every single victim wants to know and after a discard even needs to know. Definitive answers to these questions are almost meaningless, since each and every narcopath and each and every relationship was different. So the answer is complicated. A healed victim is as emotionally detached from the answers to these questions as possible. They simply don't care what the narcopath is doing or what they are thinking. They want these toxic creeps out of their minds, out of their headspace, and out of their hearts. A healed victim simply wants a full mental and emotional divorce to go along with that physical separation. But that is a difficult task for the target that was victimized by a covert narcissist. The reason that target has so many problems achieving this goal is because they were abused and traumatized, they were assaulted emotionally, psychologically, mentally, and possibly physically. They were lied to and had incredible treachery and fraud perpetrated against them. That all creates damage that needs to be repaired and emotional baggage that is very difficult to unload. But those issues have all been resolved for the healed victim. On the other hand, the freshly awakened target has a long road ahead of them, a journey of discovery, a steep learning curve. A newly awakened victim needs to learn what the actual dynamics of that fake relationship with the narcopath were. That target always assumed and incorrectly assumed that their partner actually loved them and cared about them, was an actual human being with an emotional attachment, was a person who actually invested themselves into their partner and the relationship and the future to be shared together. Maybe they were. Maybe this was just a normal relationship that ended up in an emotional train wreck. Maybe that target was a victim of unintended circumstances. Yes, that ex partner of theirs was a good person placed in a bad situation. They really did care. Right? Every single one of those possibilities is hoped for by a victim whose partner ghosted and went no contact. A partner who left without explanation and suddenly had a new relationship and flaunted it in ways to make sure that the targeted ex partner received maximum pain and damage. All of this done purposefully, by design, carefully choreographed and executed to strike the most devastating blow possible while at the same time ensuring that the discarded ex was given no recourse, no ability to respond whatsoever. No opportunity at all was given to receive any answers as to what just happened or receive any feedback. Yes that ex partner was shut out, and the strict policy of no contact ended up being just another form of abusing that ex partner. Yes that narc and their weasel partner had a bonding experience straight from the inner reaches of hell. Yes the weasel partner actually convinced themselves they were noble to do damage to another human being they never even met, all based on the word of a pathological liar. The very notion of interjecting yourself into a relationship and preventing a discarded partner from getting any closure and then thinking they are deserving of that relationship is the height of wickedness. So the answer becomes glaringly obvious: No, that covert narcissist never loved or cared. That covert narcissist wasn't a good person placed in a bad situation, they were an evil person displaying their true nature. No that covert narc wasn't out of their mind, they were in their right mind. Certainly the excuse of “not being yourself” evaporates years and months after the discard, doesn't it? The big tell is that years later the narc is still lying just as before and continues to not have any feelings of guilt remorse or display any evidence of a conscience. Covert narcissism confirmed. Just like the wealthy Ponzi schemer or the bank robber who destroyed the lives of numerous people saying they were not themselves at the time and yet they continue to live in the luxury given to them by those ill gotten gains. The actions of these filthy creeps show quite clearly that they feel justified in having that stolen wealth that came at other people's expenses. They feel deserving of that wealth and of course the lip service they give of not being in their right mind costs them nothing. No that narc would never actually admit they were wrong or ever even say they were sorry, even disingenuously, because that would actually cost them something. Back to the target. Directly after the discard and during the triangulation that discarded ex isn't pondering covert narcissism and they are most likely not even aware of this condition. They see their partner as an average person who must have a real reason for acting the way they are and saying the things they are saying. All that ex is focused on is trying to understand what would motivate someone to behave with this level of wicked and evil indifference. The target's main question to themselves is what did I do to deserve this? What was I doing wrong? How did I fail? Surely those actions of the narc ex have some justification, some rational explanation. Yes there has to be a reasonable explanation to account for a partner who shifted loyalties like a light switch and transformed into a stranger overnight. Yes that ex partner is more than willing and even wants to understand where they went wrong. The narc and their new partner supply the answers in a social site smear campaign and strangely enough that victim takes those accusations to heart. Later the target understands about the bizarre phenomenon of projection: accusing someone of doing to you what you actually did to them. Yes think of the absurdity of a narc and their new partner actually accusing the discarded partner, who is alone, of being disloyal and not serious about the relationship. But the confused victim in the early stages actually takes this absurdity to heart and believes it. Any answer is better than no answer. The target actually gets some relief when they can blame themselves for it all. But that is before the victim finds the truth in the rubble that was previously called their life. The victim's frame of reference, the very foundation of their life, including the meaning of that life and the direction that life was headed for in the future, is literally blown into a thousand pieces. So a salvage operation is started and the victim has to literally gather and hold onto as many as possible of the pieces of that previous existence that are still functional. Strewn among the shattered remains of that so called relationship and life together are some pieces of a puzzle that the target never really scrutinized. Yes those white lies on closer examination reveal a far more sinister intent. What about the life that partner lived in your absence? Well all of the sudden a veil is lifted and those clues form a very different picture that seems to illustrate that the narc was already searching long before they left the relationship. Yes every now and then the narc let it slip that they may not have been portraying you as an ideal partner while in your absence. Yes at ground zero, when your whole life changed in the blink of an eye, the narc showed themselves for what they were and that painful revelation, that glimpse into the heart of the beast was the key to unlocking all of the mysteries of that past relationship. So the ghosted partner eventually learns the painful truth, comes to grips with that truth and heals. That healed target, having searched for and found the raw facts of that association with a treacherous creep otherwise called a covert narcopath comes to only one conclusion: They made a huge mistake engaging with that narcopath. Yes that target is no longer a victim and they have simply boiled down that association with the narcopath as a mistake that they fully take responsibility for. The conclusion is crystal clear: That target is grateful it is over. In fact that target tells themselves: “Thank goodness it's over”. That target got their answers and their closure and strangely enough, it was far better for them to never have gotten any honest answers from the narc. That healed target has rebuilt their life and has a thick, nearly impenetrable wall surrounding the narc, in effect making them a non entity. No that wall isn't built to surround the target, it simply encapsulates the narcopath, like the body would with a pathogen as it does in Tuberculosis. Yes the narc I was with did make three appearances after the discard, mostly to terrorize and threaten in an effort to silence me on my own social site. On one of those occasions the narc literally told me that they never loved me and in retrospect even though the intent was to do additional and further damage, it was actually the truth. That narco paths last attempt was years later and that was a much more practiced presentation, but the lies were now so obvious to me. That final appearance actually gave me the rare opportunity to observe a narcopath tell verifiable lies in real time and show that narc contradictory evidence to what they had just said. It didn't seem to phase that creep one bit, there was a “tell” however and I won't disclose what that was. Yes this meek presentation was formulated after an especially nasty trolling campaign by an anon that threw every fabricated accusation possible at me. I wasn't taking the bait, but neither would I stand down. In the end that troll was blocked and I knew exactly who it was. Within weeks the narc walked through the door. Coincidence? Well anything is possible. The point to be made is the half-hearted fake attempt to give “closure” three years out was laden with lies and deception. No, in retrospect it is very good that narc actually never gave any honest answers when they were sorely needed. Yes a freshly discarded partner would hold onto any feasible explanation, believe it and move on. But the fake reasons given by the narc in their one way smear campaign fall apart when we actually begin finding out the truth. So onto trying to answer the questions of is the narc watching you? Will they return? Well we are talking about an ex partner that has shown themselves to be a narcopath without any doubt left. Yes multiple videos have discussed the topic of how to tell if that ex was a bonafide covert narcissist and that is our starting point. If you aren't sure, none of the following applies to your situation. So let's be blunt: the narc never cared about you and never loved you. That creep never presented themselves as a genuine human being with genuine likes and dislikes. Sadly those so called fake likes and later love as they applied to you were also phony. It was all an act, and I am sorry to say that feigned fascination with us and shared interests and beliefs they had with us were also all a sham. Yes the mirroring idealization phase is simply the narc baiting their hook. Then we get to the devaluation. Yes, on the other side of the coin, that narc's dissatisfaction with us and endless complaining and moving of the goalposts was also based primarily on fabrication. The hamster wheel we were put on. The endless cycle of trying to please. That unending striving that we engaged in to gain stability and peace. Yes everything always promised to be just around the corner, with just a slight bit more effort. That struggle we were purposefully made to go through was also a sham. The actual so called relationship that in every sense of the word appeared to be intimate, appeared to be emotionally, mentally, physically genuine was all a ruse. So that narcopath never cared about us at all while in the relationship. What was their motivation then? They were in it for themselves. To manipulate, to deceive, to gaslight, to lie, and eventually confuse another being to a point that they had power over them. This was simply the narc extracting fuel from the target. In the beginning it was positive energy and at the end, in the devaluation and discard phase, it was all about capitalizing on the power that the vulnerability of genuine love gave the narc over their ex partner. The narc reveled in and fully extracted every ounce of energy that came from the power they were able to wield over another human being. The narc felt a surge of incredible grandiosity as they toyed with a confused ex partner's emotions and confirmed to themselves their utter superiority that would place them so far above another human being. Yes those sick twisted ghouls actually got intense satisfaction out of making another person suffer. Then they “moved on”. Yes they departed on a plane, a healed “victim”. They were taking no one else's baggage. Of course they had created baggage for many people during the course of their lives, hadn't they? But that doesn't count. It is forgotten, erased. They discarded the unwitting “weasel” who never had a clue as to the way they were being manipulated, and finally met the person of their dreams in the location they had envisioned living in their whole lives. Neat and clean for the narc. In fact that narc fully convinced themselves that they were deserving of all of the good things this world had to offer. Yes they were getting what was earned by them after years of so called suffering and so called abuse. They felt fully justified in never thinking about the ex partner that they projected their own wickedness upon. OK. So do you really think a person with this mindset is revisiting and mulling over the past? Thinking about the ex? No that ex is only useful to the narc in telling those they seek to deceive about their own past abuse. Covert narcissists posing as damsels in distress or angry misunderstood rebels with hearts of gold are irresistible to the uninformed. So where does this leave us? Well the victim does eventually heal and has absolutely no need or desire to see that narc again. That sad chapter of the target's life is an embarrassment. Yes the target clearly understands what a mistake they made, how foolish they were. The in-glory of that narcopath in all of it's detail makes that target sick to their stomach when they contemplate actually having gotten anywhere close to that twisted warped excuse for a human being. How on earth could the target ever mistake this creep for a valuable asset, see them as a worthy partner? How on earth could that target be so blind that they actually perceived that tragic relationship as the best thing that ever happened to them? Well in the midst of the spider web, under the influence of that narco paths toxins that web might seem to be a paradise. All the while that target is being immobilized, wrapped and encased in silk. Being prepared to have every last drop of their life force sucked out of them. Sucked dry. So the target has hopefully learned their lesson. The narcopath has gone their way, they've moved on. Good for the last target, maybe not so good for the next one. Yes, that narc learned their lessons as well and realized they needed to be much more covert and more importantly discard in a way that preserves the next discarded partner's dignity. So the weasel was dropped with a velvet glove if they weren't exactly what the narc wanted. Maybe the narc got lucky and the weasel was a long term prospect. But no long term commitments were made. More likely the weasel simply served their purpose and freed the narcopath to find a high value target. Remember it's never about love with the narcopath. For a woman it may well be a clueless old fool with too much money, or a man of means that was broken by a previous relationship. Either way that female narc will find a stable situation that gives them something they want. The male narcopath will most likely just pursue someone that is simply different from their present partner. Even narcopaths end up being deluded by their own lies and the “replacements” they choose for their devoted and sometimes beautiful wives and long term partners hardly qualify as superior in any way. Yes, that new partner may be younger, but for the most part that partner is a downgrade. Yes, an exciting immoral, promiscuous relationship makes the stable consistent and reliable partner of years seem bland. Yes that partner, male or female, was perfect for the majority of that narco paths life. That person allowed the narc to be a “home maker” or a “family man” and that gave huge benefits. Yes, it is important to keep in mind that the narc doesn't confine their deception to a relationship, in fact the narc's specialty and the thing they cherish most is their public persona, their “billboard”. Of all the things that narc changes in their lives, they do try to project a stable, moral, coherent, and consistent public persona. But even that public image is often radically altered if necessary for the narc to remain socially conscious, socially relevant, and on the cutting edge. Sometimes the narc simply changes their social profile and re creates themselves with no one being the wiser. But the narc's actual public identity will be built into a seeming monolith, incorporating every publicly known event that they ever engaged in. After all public personas can be embellished and exaggerated with very few if any people actually scrutinizing the charlatan. Think about the clown who spoke broken English and still convinced others he was a Rockefeller. Yes outrageous lies that are doubled down on provide a cover for some of the most preposterous scams and deceive even the most intelligent and discerning people. So the narc moves on. But the question is will they return? The other question is are they watching you? The short answer is only if it is to their advantage, only if necessary. Remember, that narc was never “stuck on us” , or loved us or ever had any intention whatsoever to actually commit to us or be loyal to us. The narc sees themselves as royalty, as above it all, while at the same time feeling intense shame and inferiority. Yes that's insane. The narc was simply fixated on us. We were a person to conquer, to deceive, to overpower with the most outrageous lies that became increasingly more unbelievable as the narc trapped us further and further in that web of theirs. Why? Because the narc continually has to affirm their own superiority over another human being, because they aren't comfortable with themselves. Deep inside the narc knows they are damaged goods and the only way to feel better about themselves is to damage those around them. Yes being superior for the covert narcissist is simply a relative term. Burn down another person's mansion and your Cape Cod now becomes a mansion in comparison to that pile of ashes. So what would bring the narc back to our doorstep? Well that narc would have to be brought to their knees and then to their stomach. That new idealized partner might have been the greatest tragedy that ever befell the narcopath and now they are left with nothing. They may be in debt. They may be wounded by their own act of treachery in a new setting. They may have health issues. All of the sudden that partner, that bland boring partner is seen in a new light. Or maybe the ex has rebuilt their lives and the narc simply can't resist “going at it again”. Yes, the saying “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me” is mind candy to a narc who is now bored with a current situation. Maybe the narcopath, seeing that you have rebuilt, will simply want to “stir the pot”, or even worse destroy what you have rebuilt. Notice that none of these scenarios has any benefit to the target at all. Yes some targets will make the foolish move and actually give that narc a second chance. Make no mistake, if that narc gets what they want, either having once again deceived you, or they are once again healthy and functional, that narc won't be able to resist giving you the shaft once again. But never until they have secured a new partner. Yes the narc always has a “plan B”. That narc may spend the rest of their lives with you, but that's only because “plan B” isn't better than what you have to offer. Make no mistake, after you had every last ounce of energy extracted from you in the discard phase, you were out of that narco paths thoughts. Yes, that narc moved on and they were fully engaged in their next stage play, excitedly fabricating their next exciting phony persona. Nothing excites a narcopath more that re creating themselves in a fresh setting. No the narc was too busy to be thinking of you. Oh, but you were on the verge of total collapse? Well to the narc that's your problem. It doesn't concern them. In fact you are none of their business. But once that new exciting scenario has been fully realized, every now and then the narc will need a “boost”. No, you will never know about it. Yes they will occasionally monitor your social sites and try to garner any information possible. Your tragedy will be their pleasure. But the narc really won't put that much effort in. They are busy with their own lives, after all they are in the idealization phase and they have left their past life behind. The persona the narc faked is erased and the partner of that fake persona, you, are erased as well. As far as the future is concerned the narc is already looking at many other prospects (targets) to improve their present situation (otherwise known as their current relationship). No, you aren't a priority for the narc at all, unless you have something to offer that none of the current prospects have to offer. Under those circumstances and those circumstances alone will that narc try to rekindle the “romance”. Now of course the target has hopefully done their homework and realized that the past relationship that is presented to them as paradise on a moonlit beach was actually a cesspool and no, that doesn't seem appealing to the target at all. Yes that target should say “no thank you” to that offer. But the narc will give it a go if they think they can get away with it. Even if only to get you to agree to get back together. But if the narc knows you are wise to them, they won't even put the effort in. You will never see or hear from those creeps again. So the bottom line is that the healed target couldn't care less about what the narcopath is thinking or doing. It has no relevance to them. They see that narc for the incontinent, unreliable, sack of filth that they are and will not waste another second of precious time on them. Does the narc watch? Who cares and quite frankly we wish they would go on and live whatever excuse for a life they have gotten themselves into and NOT watch. We aren't watching them. We don't want to know and we don't care. We have paid our dues and more importantly we have hopefully learned our lesson. Yes we made a mistake. Yes after the breakup the target is intensely interested in what the narc is doing, wants to believe that they are important to the narcopath, wants to believe the narc is watching. Because the target does care and they still love. But the narc never cared and they never loved. Maybe they are watching, maybe they will one day return, but if they are a true narcopath they will never return if it isn't somehow in their own interest. It will never be because they cared or loved. Or had any guilt or remorse or empathy. It will be for the most twisted reasons. Reasons so sick that you don't even want to understand, because there is nothing to gain from understanding. Yes that partner may not have been a narc, maybe they were a person with good intentions, but that explanation is off the table if they engaged in triangulation and continued to abuse after they left. Yes that type of activity is unacceptable and proves that your partner never did anything but use you. It might be forgivable, but that is only because we accept the fact that narco paths are mentally ill. We forgive because we don't need toxicity and negativity in our lives. We forgive for our own peace of mind. Yes, God told us to walk away, leave the vengeance to Him, and to even try to forgive. We didn't understand then. Now we do. So is the narc watching? They may or may not be. Is the narc going to return? They may or may not. The more important questions are do you care if they are watching and do you care if they will return? More importantly do you ever want to see or speak to these creeps again? Don't misunderstand, it's totally normal to care about that narcopath, that is a function of our love and the bond we had with them. But that bond needs to eventually be broken for us to fully heal and get ourselves back. That severance has no time limit or schedule that must be followed. Each target needs to get to that point at their own pace. For the healed victim it is clear that these demons have nothing to offer, they add no value to life and no, we aren't interested in doing anymore blood donation just to see that blood spilled on the ground with glee. We will invest in people who need and want our help and who appreciate what is given to them. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

What Lies Beneath the Mask of the Covert Narcissist:

Metaphors are used to describe the covert narcissist for good reason. Metaphors are the easiest way to get another human being to better understand what the internal workings of a covert narcissist and the effects of their actions on others are all about. Metaphors cut to the core and simply give the reader the closest experience and comprehension possible. They create the nearest approximation to the actual emotional atmosphere inside the narcopath and give a good idea of what motivates these demons. These depictions can be cartoonish and even appear to be outrageous, but on closer examination, yes metaphors are the simplest way to present the information and get others to comprehend. Calling a female narcopath a black widow ( a tag my ex partner actually seemed to enjoy when I ascribed it to her while in the relationship), is far more efficient than getting into the cumbersome details that end up giving the same impression. Calling a male narcopath a vampire says it all without describing the use and abuse or the way a narcopath drains us of all of our energy and puts us under a spell. The Bible uses parables all of the time to describe things that can't be described in earthly terms, in addition to using metaphors as tools to more clearly illustrate a concept that might otherwise be difficult to understand. So we are given a good example that correctly used, metaphors can be beneficial and worthwhile. The person using these metaphors may not be using them properly, but that is a different discussion. So yes, metaphors are useful, but they are also vulnerable when used by people trying to make a serious point. Yes, many can simply view these metaphors as embellishments, as exaggerations and not even bother to listen to the message. So a balance has to be reached and to do this we describe covert narcissism using both realistic precise language and use the metaphors to keep the narrative flowing and not bogging down. There is no clean way to present covert narcissism without forgetting the actual impact this condition has on the targets that are victimized. Sure, we can put on our lab coats and get out our clip boards and be clinical about the subject, or we can give a PowerPoint presentation with bullet points and all. Yes, this cleans things up, but is this the help that a broken victim can hold onto and absorb? Does this give peace and actually bring practical resolution to all of the unanswered questions? Does it even begin to address the emotional damage and disruption created by these covert sacks of filth? Maybe for some it does, but many victims need practical advice and they need to hear the unedited, unsanitized version of events. They need the emotional issues addressed on an equally emotional basis.
Yes we call covert narcissists who purposely victimize a target that never showed them anything but kindness creeps, we call them sacks of filth, ghouls, call them depraved, twisted, sick, misguided, childish, immature. We call covert narcissists liars, corrupted, perverted, degenerate, treacherous, and yes we call them evil. Some of these descriptions are metaphors, others are simply describing what a covert narcissist actually did or how they acted. To give one example, treachery is called treachery because someone actually betrayed our trust. Perfidious says it all about the narcopath as a partner but that has little emotional impact. Yes, every single synonym for perfidious is spot on for the narcopath: treacherous, duplicitous, deceitful, disloyal, faithless, unfaithful, traitorous, treasonous, false, untrue, double-dealing, dishonest, two-faced, Janus-faced, untrustworthy, false-hearted, double-faced, truthless, Punic. But sometimes its best to call these covert narcopaths lying cheating sacks of filth. That gives all of the description that we need when a point needs to be made efficiently. Calling a narcopath evil is another thing altogether because it implies judgment. But even most secular people would agree that it is important to treat other people as we would like to be treated ourselves. We all speak about the good that exists in everyone and want to believe this is a fact, so let's briefly look back to any person's childhood. We are all born with the innate capacity to know right from wrong. Children are born with the capacity to lie, cheat, and steal and they are also born with the ability to know that these things are wrong and to try to do good. So somewhere along the course of that narco paths existence they did know the difference between right and wrong and they did make a conscious decision to embrace their own dark side. To ignore doing what they knew was right. This behavior and that decision has created the adult narcopath that does all of the damage they do without any guilt, remorse, or trace of conscience. Yes we call these people evil because they are. They decided to be evil because they refused to do what they knew was right. But here is the chilling thing about it, at least from my individual experience: These narcopaths have become so depraved that they actually admire and embrace evil people and consider them superior. To extend this one step further, these narcs, knowing they have exposed themselves, manifest their own evil without filtering it at all and what you see boggles the mind. You see a creature that isn't even human, a being that doesn't even have the veneer of decency since it knows it can no longer pretend. A being that knows it is evil and in it's own twisted way is proud of being evil. Yes I actually witnessed this first hand when the person that was my supposed refuge from the harshness of the world fully embraced their dark side without any filter at all. A person that I thought just hours before was a good person who had been hardened and warped by bad breaks in life and needed to be understood ended up casting away that person I knew them as like a mask, and replaced my beloved with a demon in human flesh. That creature was a life-form that was based on a foundation of evil, not good. A being that drew it's energy from being evil and had a mindset that would clearly allow it to do any act it could get away with. No different than the worst perpetrators we all hear about in the news and that make names for themselves. Yes beings that live in a negative universe, where evil reigns supreme. Yes, covert narcissists know full well that they need to pretend to be like the average human and have to pretend to be a person who lives a life based on a foundation of doing what is right, what is good. But that is only an act, to get along in the world. The narc still knows right from wrong and although they have fully embraced evil they do understand they need to give the appearance of propriety and decency, the appearance of believing in doing what is “right”, and the appearance of being against what is “wrong”, for them to continue feeding on victims. Yes the narc does what is necessary to continue victimizing people and that means first and foremost being seen as a “good” and even an “exceptional” human being. Covert narcopaths highly value their false veneer of decency and philanthropy, and expend enormous efforts in maintaining the projection of their false aura of being a charitable person. Nothing matters more to the narcopath than public opinion, how others see them, their “billboard”. Why? Simply because it gives these heartless ghouls the positive energy they can never get enough of, energy they can never generate on their own. Publicly that narc feeds on and in some ways with the advent of social media actually becomes addicted to how the public sees them. This energy from others will be taken any way it is given in the form of attention, admiration, and if possible even adulation. But very little of that attention is gained honestly or merited. Sharing on YouTube and Twitter is encouraged and actually helps content creators but it has limited if any value on certain other sites which are based primarily on individuals sharing their own content. This was true of the social site site that my ex partner was addicted to. So, on that unnamed site, the narc took from others, even while giving those people credit, because in the end it was all about the covert narc bringing attention to themselves. Yes, posting what others had created and calling this a tribute to them still got the narc attention and was a subtle way for the narc to flatter and praise social site celebrities. The narc I knew shamelessly “shared” the posts of others and was licking the boots of every famous person that might possibly take notice of her. In fact she lured in the weasel new partner with precisely this method in tandem with of course making sure she posted some “innocently” placed pictures of herself on her site as well. Sad. So the narc will always publicly give the appearance of being a good and exceptional person, simply because it gives them the most attention or positive energy possible and the relative expenditure or cost to the narc is minimal. Only the bare essentials are done to maintain their false persona that everyone assumes is genuine. But the creature inside is a very different animal altogether, with a belief system and motivational forces that would shock most people to their core. This facade of exceptionalism is however never extended to those closest to the narcopath. Yes these “chosen” intimate partners get all of the bile and vitriol and experience emotional, mental, psychological and possibly even physical abuse. Yet each and every one of those people who are close to the narc still somehow in their own way believe there must be a good person deep inside waiting to get out. Someone who just needs a little bit more love and a little bit more patience and understanding. Nope. Mercifully, many victims never see that creature behind the mask and that spares these people additional trauma. But those of us who did experience the pure unadulterated malevolence, the palpable evil still could hardly believe it. We wanted to be wrong. We desperately wanted to believe the narc was simply “not in their right mind”. But no opposing evidence ever came. On the contrary, the triangulation with the new partner and the continued abuse simply reinforced the fact that these cretins literally revel in perpetrating evil whenever they can get away with it. In my personal experience, months and years later I have still not witnessed an iota of remorse or guilt in my ex or any evidence whatsoever that these creeps have a shred of a conscience. But one thing the healed victim does see and see very clearly when one of these creeps decides to make a visit years later: They see before them an unrepentant pathological liar who couldn't tell the truth if their lives depended on it. I strongly suspect that I wasn't the first to see the creature below my partner's mask. This woman made vile threats to others and never once even thought anything wrong with what they had done. Yes when my partner told me she had “taken care of a problem” I would have never suspected in a hundred years the way she “solved” that problem of hers. But I have a very good idea now. Yes this creep did the unthinkable in the way that she threatened and never had an ounce of remorse for it. To hear her talk of it you would assume there was nothing to be remorseful for. But it was an error to assume that the problem was solved like a human being would solve it, not like a demonic thug would. Yes what we saw below the mask was the real thing, the core of a warped twisted narcopath. A person capable of anything and having no problem getting a good nights sleep. The only limiting factor is the fear of being caught and publicly exposed. No this wasn't a “flash in the pan”, a “one off” brought on by circumstances, it was an unmasking plain and simple and a revelation of the true nature of the beast. A full on face to face encounter with the genuine being that inhabited the flesh of the person we thought was our partner. That being lives there 24/7 and was there long before you met the narcopath and will most likely be there until the end. So how is the mindset of a narcopath really all that different from that of a psychopath, other than being overly concerned with image? It is my sincerest hope that the person I encountered is one of the worst of her kind and that most of the other covert narcissists out there are far less harmful. Yes, even a person with a limited capacity for empathy and limited capacity to feel remorse or have a conscience will hopefully follow some watered down version of a moral compass. But that is only a hope. Others will need to give examples of narcopaths that actually cared enough to try to limit the damage to another human being. Others will need to give examples of a covert narcissist with genuine remorse or one who had a genuine turnaround. I have yet to hear of such a narcopath. To sum it all up, what is it that we have a glance at, what is it that we see and all of its in-glory when we look at that narcopath without their mask? Yes that is a metaphor, we don't actually physically “see”, but we do feel the strong emotions, the strong vibes emanating from the creature. Vibes that the average covert narcopath cloaks, and masks so carefully from the outside world. We feel palpable evil and malevolence that is devoid of even a shred of decency or kindness or grace or compassion. A being filled with unwarranted hatred and devoid of even the smallest trace of love. No the narc has no love whatsoever, because they are an entity that bases their existence on evil. The narc doesn't love others, they will never love life, because that requires being satisfied, content, and at peace, and they don't love themselves. The narc can't love because that would require them to acknowledge the importance of basing their lives on the light, basing it on trying to be good, not on the darkness. That being we encountered that has no compassion, mercy, or any feelings whatsoever for anyone else but themselves is the self same being that we thought loved us and believed loved us. Never in a million years would we have suspected that it was all a lie. The truth is we were intimately involved with someone that would ruthlessly destroy us if necessary as long as they could get away with it. We made ourselves vulnerable and placed all of our trust, all of our hopes and belief and faith in someone who knew they were evil and they were even proud of that fact.




Yes, on the turn of a dime at “ground zero” when the target sees the unimaginable, a covert narcissist whose mask has fallen, they can't believe their eyes and they refuse to believe. It's simply too much to absorb, to take in. But time and healing gives clarity and eventually we can process and comprehend what we were looking at when we got that unfiltered glance into the heart of darkness. Yes, it may be years later, but eventually we know exactly what we were looking at. We were face to face with a creature who truly believes that it is good to be evil, who truly believes that lying is just fine. A person who doesn’t have a trace of conscience or remorse. A person who simply played a game and pretended to be someone who we thought we could love and rely on. Yes, we now understand what we were looking at and understand it much more clearly today than all of those years ago. How can there be any redemption for a person who has made the foundation of their entire existence the exact opposite of love, of kindness, of respect, of truth, of compassion, of mercy, of grace, of generosity of spirit? How can there be redemption for someone who has based the whole foundation of their lives on evil and not good?
We all have to take the journey of finding out the truth if we are ever able to get ourselves back. Maybe for some of us the truth is that our partner is basically a good person who made a mistake. That is the outcome every single victim wants to have. Good. But for those of us who now understand that we saw what we saw under that mask and no evidence to the contrary ever came, we also got our truth. Yes despite our best wishes and giving every feasible positive interpretation to what we found out, we still had no other possibility than to conclude that our partner was a covert narcopath. Yes, let these people go away, go far away and never come back and let us hope that the damage they would like to do to others is curtailed and limited. That person's fate is out of our hands. We aren’t the judge, we aren't the jury, and we aren’t concerned with their punishment any more. All we can do is warn and give people the tools to identify and avoid covert narcissists. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. End Comments: When you boil it all down, the essence of your association with the covert narcissist was simply one thing: It was a waste of your time. Everything associated with that covert narcissist was a waste of your resources. The time and effort you put in to trying to understand that narc when you first met them. The time and effort you put in to try to make things better for them. The time and effort you put into planning a future together. All wasted. Yes in a way the narcopath actually stole the substance of your life on this earth. While in the relationship and sadly, long after.
No we won’t even get into the destruction of your life, the incredible emotional pain caused, the hopelessness that the narc inflicted during the whole of the relationship and that was exponentially ramped up at the end. No doubt, the actual pain and suffering caused by that narcopath's abuse during the relationship is what produced most of the damage for the majority of victims. But in a strange way, nearly as much and for some victims even more damage is done in the few hours and weeks after the “unmasking” than all of the harm done over the course of many years. The wickedness of the triangulation can be nearly unbearable. Yes, the aftereffects of that abuse, the post traumatic damage to your psyche, is what gave rise to the inability to heal and delayed you from being able to move on. So, because it took so long to heal from that abuse that was additional time that was wasted. There’s nothing more valuable on this earth that we have than our time and therefore ultimately the narc stole our lives. Yes the Christian understands that this world is “not where it's at”, but that doesn't at all diminish the importance of our earthly existence.
We can't change the past. The only thing we can do at this point is make our best attempt at making something good out of a bad situation. Try to create good from the evil that the narcopath brought into our life. God helps. In fact, one of God's many talents is that He can create good from evil. So sometimes we just need to get out of God's way.
Yes, at the end when the narc was “done” with us they couldn't exit with grace, like a human being. The narcissist, being that they never cared or loved, actually put a great amount of effort in to destroy us. But instead they brought us closer to God. Instead, they forced us to focus our minds. Instead, they forced us to become people we never aspired to be, with a level of maturity we really didn’t even want to have to go to. The result of all of that is that our lives have the potential to be far better than they were before the narcopath, far superior. But those gains should never be credited to the narcopath. Those gains are the result of our own efforts, the help of God, and the help of any other people that were kind enough to help us get out of that incredible hole we were in. One Solution to the target's problem: Be aware that we have a tendency to attract “fruit loops” and an inability to recognize them for what they are. When one of these people starts flattering you, head for the hills. Get far far away, if not physically at least emotionally.

The Cost of Covert Narcissism Part 2: The Covert Narcissist's Secret to Success: The covert narcissist's guide to lying: The lie will serve you well if you respect it and never betray it. Don't be fooled by the world that sees the lie as wrong and the truth as good. That philosophy is for fools and as a covert narc you will never be a fool. Yes the lie will give you everything as long as you never betray it or turn your back on it. Yes the lie is a jealous partner and expects full allegiance. In fact the lie expects you to be wedded to it. Some truth is allowed, but only in service to the lie, to make the lie more believable. So here are your rules: 1. You must fully embrace and love the lie, see it's beauty. 2. Never Hesitate: Don't ever waiver when lying. When questioned go into even further detail and make the lie even more elaborate. 3. Remember, most people in this world do give homage to the truth and are therefore wavering in their recollections. The cardinal rule of the pathological liar is to be adamant and 100% certain of your version of events. The beauty of this cardinal rule is that it gives you almost god like power to fabricate reality out of thin air. 4. Just remember: Don't EVER betray the lie or admit to having lied. Trust the words of the lie: Sin doesn't exist, you are allowed to do anything that you please as long as you can get away with it. But don't ever admit to having lied. That and only that is sacrilege and may set a precedent in your life and make you just like all of the other mortals that are subject to the truth and not protected by the lie. 5. Remember: The lie is your best friend, your protector, your mentor. The lie has given you everything that you ever wanted. Without the lie you would be nothing. You would be a mere mortal. You would be vulnerable. You would lose all of your advantages. 6. Don't ever forget who your enemy is: the truth. You see what the world is like and those people who believe in the truth are like sheep for the slaughter. To use another metaphor it's a dog eat dog world and only fools living in a dream world would make themselves vulnerable and be committed to the truth. You are a consumer and it is your right to take everything possible from the fools who think it is wrong to lie. Those people are your rightful source of fuel. So remember as a chosen one, you MUST be loyal to the lie at all times or you risk losing everything. 7. Just remember the lie has made you what you are and given you superhuman abilities to recreate yourself, who people perceive you as being at any time and in any setting that you choose. The lie has made you strong and allowed you to never make yourself vulnerable or dependent on any other human being. The lie has given you your whole existence. 8. Last but not least remember this: The lie has made you everything that you are. So there you have it in a nutshell: The narc's secret to success now fully revealed. Of course there is a glaring omission. Never is any mention made of any cost whatsoever to the narcopath. Yes that narc's lies frequently caused the narc to lose jobs, relationships, money, trust, and reputation. But the lie glosses all of that over and the narc faithfully listens and believes. No mention is ever made of the value and necessity of credibility. Yes, credibility is the “coin of the realm” in human interactions. A parent who loses credibility with their children loses all of the efforts they put into that child and loses authority in their lives. An employee who loses credibility becomes a liability, someone who needs to be removed. A partner who loses credibility destroys the very foundation of a healthy relationship and fractures the very important bond that makes a relationship valuable and beneficial. Yes in every single arena of human existence, and we have just mentioned a few, trust is everything and oftentimes the only important thing when we interact with another human being. But the narc takes it all to the limit and thinks that a veneer of honesty gives them the freedom to engage in their wicked impropriety. The lie gives the narc a false sense of security of stealth or invincibility and that gives the narc false confidence. That false sense of their own abilities and what they can get away with hangs the narc up every time. You would think that someone whose wickedness has cost them so much when it was found out would finally wake up and see the futility of being a fake phony fraud. Yes in the end the gains given by the lie are unfulfilling and no ill gotten gain will ever have the ability to give joy. Something that is undeserved never ultimately gives satisfaction or peace or a sense of accomplishment. Only genuine achievements that we know inside that we deserve and have worked for and have delayed our gratification for gives us a genuine sense of accomplishment. A life genuinely devoted to a child in which the parent actually denied themselves the pleasures of life, not one in which adultery occurred with many different partners throughout that child's development is what gives that child confidence in the parent and imbues the parent with authority and credibility. Devotion and dedication and commitment to a job or relationship and genuine concern which proves itself over years is like money in the bank. That equity is the fruit of genuine efforts and accrues interest. It becomes a reputation. That faithfulness and chastity and dedication can be faked, but only temporarily. The proof is that genuine devotion and commitment prove themselves over time. A fake phony commitment, a veneer of faithfulness and chastity eventually wears thin and gets exposed. Once exposed the narc loses all of their ill gotten credibility and all of the lies in the world can't help the narcopath. The narc knows that and you would think they would learn their lesson after losing credibility time and time again. Yes the proof is always in the pudding, where the rubber meets the road, over time. In parenting. At the job. In a relationship. No we won't mention religion. Even a covert narcopath should know their limits and we would hope that at least consciously they won't ever try to pull the wool over God's eyes. Just to be clear God sees everything, He is aware of every intricate detail of our lives every motivation of everything that we do. So the foolish narc loses all of the most important things in life. That opportunity to be a parent and make a positive difference is destroyed. That opportunity to make a difference in the workplace and all of those positive contributions are overshadowed by the destruction the covert creep leaves in their wake. The relationship that is damaged because the narc can no longer be trusted has the potential for repair. But trust is easily obtained the first time, then hard to regain once it is lost. Yes, the narc is given one second chance after another and eventually they destroy that relationship beyond repair. How does the narc cope with all of this loss? They simply tell themselves that the jobs and the relationships were not important, were worthless, and are fully replaceable. In fact they entered every one of those jobs and relationships never intending to actually invest in them anyway. Yes the narc never values or cherishes or invests in anything. They only take. They only fake the appearance of contributing or giving. Yes right from the very outset the narc never has any intention of actually staying for the duration. Not as a parent. Not as an employee. Not as a partner. Yes the narc will stay at a job or in a relationship if it is beneficial to them and they can maintain their veneer of dedication. But all bets are off when a better opportunity comes along. Yes the narc's closest ally and best friend, the lie wants nothing from the narcopath at all. Sure. The cost of the lie throughout that narcopath's life is glossed over by the lie and only the so-called benefits are highlighted. One day that friend of the narcopath will expect payment and the cost to that narcopath will be their entire existence. Eternity paying for the dubious gains given to them by the lie. Only Jesus can help the narcopath. The all knowing narc never suspects who “the man behind the curtain” is, who “the father of lies” is and what his true motivations and purpose are. Yes, Satan was defeated by Jesus on the cross when Jesus willingly gave up His soul, releasing Himself from His body. So it's a source of amusement that people would actually deify a being that has already been defeated, and get on the losing team. Yes it is game over for Satan and all of those who follow him. Satan is simply being allowed to still influence the human race. So it all boils down to one thing: God exists and the truth matters and will always defeat the lie. Yes the crowning achievement of the lie is when the truth can be told in the middle of a deception and the dupe doesn't even understand what has been told them. Yes the lie spoke one truth and that is that it made the narcopath everything that they are. Sorry to throw a wet blanket over the narc's perfect world. To end with some even harsher reality. We've all heard of famous people, musicians, actors, or any person with accomplishments and acclaim, having supposedly made a deal with the devil for their success and achievements. Well, the narc has also made that deal, whether they knew it or not. But the narc sells their soul for pennies on the dollar. The narc gives themselves away cheaply. No tangible benefits come from that sale when it comes to the narcopath. The narcopath may be allowed to get away with their depraved treachery time and time again, but is that really worth the loss of their soul? Of course the targets and every single victim of the narcopath get no benefits whatsoever. Well here is the only bright spot in this gruesome scenario: No one actually sells their soul and everyone has the possibility of redemption. But that requires sincerity and being genuinely remorseful. Those who have been given over to a reprobate mind and are unreachable most likely had many chances and opportunities to change their ways, but they refused. So eventually they lost their chance. Eventually those reprobates can't even understand or believe the simplest truth or warning and that seals their fate. Yes, in the end the reprobate scoff at everything and simply can't even understand what is comprehensible to a five year old child. But they did that to themselves, didn't they? They march to their doom with a continued arrogant swagger and have nothing but disdain for those who warn them. That smirk and the attitude behind it will cost them eternal life. For what? Pennies on the dollar. Believe it or not yes, pennies on the dollar. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

End Comments: Is the narcopath evil or are they sick? The short answer is that they are both. We all have times when we are not at our best. This is usually a result of life's pressures and us not being prepared for them. Yes, sometimes life throws us a “curveball” and we strike out miserably and don't even have any grace about it at all. Yes, we all do and say things that we regret later on. Some of those thing could even be construed as evil. So we try to make amends, we feel remorse, we beat ourselves up and we allow our conscience to guide us. The narcopath is different in that they do evil things purposefully. Yes even a narcopath become more viscious and treacherous than originally planned when placed under pressure. But that narc never feels remorse or heeds a conscience. Sometimes they even feel a sense of accomlishment for what they were able to pull off. Never is any thought given to the repercussions on another person's life. It's all about the narc and only about the narc 24/7. So it ends up being the narc's attitude about the evil things they do that makes then evil themselves. Is the narcopath mentally ill, insane, sick? Yes they are because the motivations of these creeps are nonsensical and dysfunctional. Remember the narc has made themselves what they are; they chose to be evil, chose to ignore whatever pangs of conscience that they felt, chose to even be proud of having perpetrated their treachery and gotten away with it. Yes the narcopath is mentally ill, because even after having plenty of time for self reflection and introspection the narc sees noting wrong in themselves. More importantly, the narcopath's toxicity does real damage to those that interact with them. Worse than that, the covert narc seems perfectly sane and rational and no one could even suspect that they are evil. Yes they are “covert” after all and self centered always focusing on themselves (narcissists). Combine the two and you get a sack of filth, otherwise known as a covert narcissist, a “narcopath”. Yes, the victim didn't have a clue. They couldn't see the evil in their own partners and they couldn't see the bona fide mental illness. No the narc wasn't just “crazy outrageous” in their actions, attitudes, and embellishments, they were mentally ill game players, evil creeps, and pathological liars. The covert narc wasn't a troubled person who needed understanding, they were a a person suffering from insanity, but that insanity incapacitated others and hardly touched the narc at all. Yes the victim was clueless, but the mask dropped and the narc showed themselves and this created confusion. The internal dialogue of the victim defended that narc, but the pieces of the puzzle came together one after another and over time there was no longer any doubt that the narcopath was evil. Imagine someone faking love, commitment and loyalty all the while having no respect for their partner's humanity. So yes the victim finally sees that covert creep's wickedness. But that gives no relief, it causes anger and rage. Time heals and that victim sees what the problem really was: the narcopath was mentally ill. That explains it all and the explanation works wonders. It eases the pain and allows the victim to heal at an even greater level. No, the narcopath isn't absolved, they are just seen as someone that we should have never taken seriously. Not when they love bombed us and not when they ruthlessly denigrated us. Yes in the end we see that narc as the small insignificant person that they are and that allows closure.

The Cost of Covert Narcissism Part 1: Maturity dictates that a person should have and take personal responsibility, rely on other people to the smallest degree possible, and most importantly blame no one for the problems in their lives. Yes all of us have had a unique life experience and some of us have had many more obstacles than others. Yes we give people with histories of poor and possibly abusive parenting, and also those with physical and mental disabilities a partial or total pass. They have a legitimate case to make for blaming life's circumstances as the cause of some of their problems as adults. But how many of us actually had ideal parenting? Yes the younger the generation, the more their claims of parents letting them down becomes feasible. Modern day parents are increasingly becoming more selfish and self-centered and aren't providing their children with the psychological and possibly physical support that is necessary and needed and because those parents aren't putting the effort in and the child is aware of this, those parents lose much of the authority in that child's life. But is that the end of the story? No. Remember about personal responsibility and part of that is not copping out and doing as you please because your parents, in your opinion weren't there for you and failed to supply all of your needs. But many of the young do exactly that. These people think themselves to be off the hook because mom and dad weren't perfect. OK. So how much debauchery are these young people going to indulge in before they ruin their own chances to be successful, mentally healthy, and physically sound adults? It should be noted that none of this video applies to anyone who had one or both parents who were covert narcissists. The emotional baggage and dysfunctional thought patterns that covert parents inflict upon their children can and does have the ability to cripple someone for life. The exception to this rule is when those children of covert narcopaths become covert narcs themselves. In many ways covert narcs who saw the dysfunction of their covert parents and were well aware of how wrong that way of life was really have no excuse for having embraced their parents lifestyle. Yes covert parents can create the most devious covert narcopaths of all, with experience that starts by observing covert narcissism early in life. No, these covert creeps do not get a free pass and in addition they get no sympathy whatsoever for the abuse they suffered as children. Why? Because these ghouls “payed it forward” to innocent people who never deserved the treatment they got. That neutralizes any claims of childhood abuse or using that as an excuse. That is my opinion, of course. Back to the subject: Yes an increasingly higher percentage of the young are engaging and indulging in a hive mind attitude that most if not all adults are unworthy of respect and are viewed as not having authority. So even those young people with good parents, who were there for them, begin searching for excuses to join the ranks of their peers in having the opinion that adults aren't worth listening to. Well to be clear not all of the young are this way, but the point is too many are this way and they are using their parents as an excuse. Nothing comes without effort and sometimes what we want in life has to be worked for and immediate gratification has to be delayed. That requires being willing to deal with adversity and holding on even in the face of stress and sometimes persevere under conditions of suffering, suffering that may even be self imposed in the pursuit of a goal. Yes whether people like it or not, in the end they are the product of the choices they have made. Choices to do what felt right, choices to discipline themselves and delay gratification, choices to listen to or blow off the wise counsel of adults who cared and were worthy of authority, choices to dwell on being let down by adults and using that as an excuse. Yes those with physical and mental disabilities do get a free pass. None of us of sound mind and body should ever pass judgment on those people. But those people with manufactured disabilities and manufactured childhood abuse are not off the hook. They can and should do better. So we reach adulthood and decide to put the past behind us. We do work for a goal, we do delay our gratification. We turn our backs on the foolishness of our youth and get serious about life. This can occur at any age, but the point is eventually we all need to get to that place. We get to a point where we think we are ready for a relationship. We meet someone and believe this could be the one, but we stay tentative since a relationship is complicated and both people have to be able to offer something and meet someone else's needs. So maybe things work out and maybe they don't. Maybe we have several relationships that just never gel the way we feel they need to. In every single circumstance we look inside ourselves and try to understand what went wrong and how it went wrong. Maybe we didn't understand what love and commitment were. Maybe we made a foolish choice in a partner who we had nothing in common with. Maybe we needed to work on ourselves. Maybe we needed to understand what it took to be a worthy partner. Unfortunately we may have married too young and realized that things simply couldn't work out. Yes sometimes a person we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with simply wants it all their way and doesn't cherish the relationship. Some partners marry with the hope of simply taking it all for themselves and never have any real intention of compromising. Some partners are simply so selfish that they make the other partner miserable and slowly that partner loses themselves, in the end becoming useless to themselves, their partner and possibly even society. Yes when in a committed relationship or marriage with a person who never actually committed to us and never really appreciated us for ourselves or even loved us we find ourselves in a relationship with a person who can only take, never give and never buildup. So sadly we need to part ways with that person. The relief of freeing ourselves from these selfish self centered abusers gives us a new lease on life. A new lease in which we realize that it's much better to be alone than in a bad relationship. Yes we learn and grow and endeavor to be very careful in ever making another commitment. We learn the need to know someone at a deep level and make sure there is a degree of compatibility before a lifetime commitment is made. So it may well be that we never take the plunge again and prefer being alone. Yes we believe in love and all that it entails but our life situation and the responsibilities that life places in front of us means that we may need to be patient. We may even need to accept the fact that we will be alone for the balance of our existence. We learn to have the attitude of stoicism: being grateful for everything and expecting nothing. Yes we take responsibility for our lives. Many of us freed ourselves from a covert narcissist without even having ever been aware of this mental condition. Or maybe that ex partner was simply pathologically selfish and had a limited understanding of what it meant to love and commit. The thing is we understood that we were with a person who was destroying our individuality and trying to enslave us. We felt ourselves slipping away and the proof of it all was that we simply couldn't function, we were increasingly losing more and more confidence in ourselves and our abilities. All of this at the hands of a person who was joined to us. Why would someone undermine a partner when the sabotage of that partner meant that the relationship as a whole and by association the underminer themselves would be destroyed? It didn't make sense. It was tough to understand. So that person who was being subtly abused got out and took the responsibility for having made a poor choice. But they did this only after putting in a huge amount of effort. They took their commitment seriously, but in the end, after having exhausted all options and putting in every effort it was clear what needed to be done, but that needed to be a mutual decision. So after much discussion and debate and looking at things from many different angles it was mutually agreed to part ways. No doubt was left in either partner's mind and both partners were comfortable with their decisions. No regrets. The key for the person having been given a second chance was to make sure to be very careful in the next partnership if there would ever be one at all. This may have meant that many opportunities for the taking were passed over due to the shell shock of that last relationship. But the key was being personally responsible, looking inside ourselves and needing to fix ourselves before we took the plunge. It was all about us building ourselves up into a person who had the capacity to give, to offer something of value in a relationship that was mutually beneficial. Yes love has the ability to take us to the next level of human existence and achieve things that we never thought possible. The encouragement of a supportive partner who loves and is committed to us allows us to make real those things we always imagined were possible for us to achieve. So we do have the goal of another relationship in our mind's eye. Working towards that goal we strive to become a positive, mentally healthy person. It's clear we need to have something to offer, something to give, something that can be of value and cherished by our future partner. So after never having quite met the right person we take years to build ourselves up preparing for that special person if they should ever come our way. Responsibilities first. To our loved ones and to our job. We meet the challenges that life places before us and we try to take God's will for us into account as well. So maybe it is meant for us to be alone for an indefinite amount of time. Yes we have learned stoicism, enduring adversity and being alone but always hoping for that partner we have prepared for. In my case months before the arrival of that narcopath something inside of me told me there would be a “Sea Change”. I somehow “knew” without understanding how, that a person would enter my life and become my partner without me lifting a finger. Within 6 months the narcopath walked through the door. Was the narcopath the one? Not to my way of thinking but her insistence and that so called premonition seemed to convince me that this was that thing I had the ambiguous hunch about. Make no mistake, there was caution and a vetting process of this person. There was transparency on my end and I wanted my financial situation, what I was able to offer fully disclosed before any firm decision was made on her end. She seemed unconcerned about money, citing the fact that she had more than enough of her own and for both of us. Sure. Just another one of those easily told lies. The reality was she knew from the outset this was all just a temporary game. So what did money mean? She would say whatever was necessary to give the impression of being a serious partner. Of course the ruse extended to the future faking, one of the hallmarks of covert narcissism. Yes my priority of having to have compatible ideas of what the rest of our lives would be like was also something she fully agreed with. Having mutually shared and agreed upon goals for the remainder of our lives together played right into that creep's wicked hands. All of my questions were answered and the certainty of that person, their unwavering and comprehensive pronouncements of me being the person she had been searching for all of her life made a convincing argument. So the relationship began with the strict understanding that she needed to be 100% sure and that a lifetime commitment was made. Yes we would not get into a relationship at all if we didn't both have the certainty of getting married. Yes that woman agreed to it all. Yes she was a narcopath. Yes the outcome was preordained. Yes the resultant upheaval of my life was catastrophic. No an outsider doesn't need to tell me what a fool I was or how it should have been obvious. No, this creep wasn't “the one”. But that premonition about the “Sea Change” was spot on. I had just joined the ranks of the legions of targets that had been victimized and abused by a covert narcopath. Those who had the comfortable stable world they had built for themselves nearly all destroyed. Yes that was a world that could use some additional excitement, something to happen, but it could hardly be called a boring existence or even an unfulfilled existence. Yes many if not all of those targets did have something to offer and thought that the narc was the one who finally appreciated all of those efforts at building themselves up. No. The narc simply saw a source of energy, a person they could quietly work their magic on and then depart when they had satisfied their depraved bloodlust. Yes the narc would take it all and the bulk of the cost would be borne by the discarded victim. Nice and neat for the narcopath. Devastating for the victim. Yes those victims are incapacitated and all of the normal psychological repair mechanisms, all of the self introspection and willingness to take personal responsibility actually works against the healing process. The endless cycle of self blame and head scratching and trying to understand what went wrong begins. But nothing makes sense. Yes we want to take blame, but nothing we did ever warranted the treatment, the incredible depraved and calloused abuse that the narc directed to us. Then we discover covert narcissism and slowly the pieces of a puzzle come together. Years and decades of taking personal responsibility need to be thrown out of the window in this particular situation, if we are ever to find the actual source of what just happened to us. Yes in this rare circumstance the only way out is to find out the truth. Maybe that partner wasn't a covert narcopath. Maybe we are to blame for what went wrong, or at least partly to blame. Yes we always keep that possibility open. But time and the words and actions of that covert narc make our conclusion almost undeniable. So we place the blame where it belongs: on someone else's shoulders. Yes we were conned, we were deceived,, we may have even been naive. But then again maybe we were vigilant and saw the lies, saw the lack of empathy. Of course those revelations came later, when we were already fully intertwined in the relationship. Maybe we were studied in psychology. Maybe we did see glaring deficiencies in that narcopath. But the fact that we weren't aware of covert narcissism means we can forgive ourselves for almost all of that tragic encounter. But being that we are interested in taking personal responsibility, what was our role in that relationship? Yes, with all of this talk about personal responsibility, where does the target's actual responsibility come into the conversation? What exactly did the target do wrong? It ends up being one thing: The target believed the narcopath. That was the mistake they made or sin they committed plain and simple. The minute we add even one additional word or sentence to that statement, the minute we expand that narrative, the blame once again shifts right back onto the covert narcissist's shoulders. So we stop right there. Just to give an example, if we say we were mistaken to believe in the narcopath that is true, but the implication is clear: It implies that the narcopath let us down, and of course they did. Another example is that we could say it was our fault that we believed the covert narcissist's lies. Certainly outsiders are always telling us it was our fault that we were so naive, so easily willing to believe. But the explanation we are compelled to give always leads down the same road. Those naysayers are making comments on a situation, a very personal and intimate interaction between two people that they have no knowledge of whatsoever. So we are then once again forced to get into the details of covert narcissism. That involves discussing the dark warped malevolence that would cause another human being to have motivations the average person could never conceive of. It requires us to explain the incredible deviousness that would make a seemingly sane person invest in a false and phony persona and invest huge amounts of energy to make the target believe all of the lies the narcopath associates with their false charade. So again the focus is placed on the narco paths wrongdoings. To get around this, we simply tell ourselves we believed the narcopath, that was our transgression. To my mind at present that is the culmination, the end result of the healing process. That is the final conclusion that allows us to go on. We do this once we are healed and have fully accepted that sole mistake that we have made. Getting to that determination meant investing all of our time and efforts into understanding why we believed the narcopath and realizing that we were victimized. Part of coming to that realization meant analyzing our own personal situation and understanding how we could possibly believe in the good of someone who was just pretending to be good. So we go on with our lives and put that sad chapter of our existence behind us. Yes we have gained an education and we paid a high price for that knowledge. We will put that knowledge to good use in the future. Yes many of us have reached the Autumn of our lives and are approaching the Winter and we will endeavor to make the best of what is left. Those younger victims have their whole lives ahead of them and the key for these people is to realize that although they are far more impressionable and in a sense were more vulnerable to the covert narcopath, they are also more resilient. The darkness does fade and it is possible to fully purge ourselves of the toxic mindset and relationship patterns that the covert narcopath purposefully inflicted upon us. We just need to learn and become aware. Yes the young often suffer much more emotional and psychological trauma and have fewer tools to combat the pain that reaches deep inside, but they have resilience and plasticity. Keep in mind that no human, young or old, that has just recently been discarded by a narcopath can be reasoned with or even reached. The truth takes time to absorb. But remember others have been where you are. Others have felt the incredible pain of being abandoned and hopeless with no way forward. We get as much emotional support as possible from those around us, knowing full well that they will never understand. We learn from those who do understand. People who may have never even met us. We slowly pull ourselves out of the deep dark place that narcopath left us in. We meet people in real life who may never understand but they assist us simply by being there and doing what they can to help rebuild our lives and that restores our faith in humanity. Remember you believed the narcopath, that is all you are guilty of and after going into all of the necessary details you will see that it wasn't your fault at all what happened to you. Also remember that no partner is required to be perfect, but they are required to be truthful when they make a commitment and pronounce their love. You were truthful, the narc wasn't. Every human being on this earth is allowed to rethink things and dissolve a relationship, but the commitment made requires at least some effort to give feedback and some chance for a partner to make things right or at least be informed of what went wrong. Well of course no truthful answers will ever come from a narcopath and the reasons for their departure will never be disclosed. No the narc simply leaves, goes no contact without the slightest understanding of why. Conversely that narc will come up with a lame and nonsensical excuse. The answers become clear for the victim from other sources. Yes the truth that the narc either never talks about or simply lies to us about needs to be found elsewhere and independently, from other sources. The answers are unbelievable and come as an incredible shock. The narc never loved us, they never cared, they were never committed. Yes the person the narc portrayed themselves as and their attraction to the qualities we worked so hard to cultivate in ourselves was all a lie, a farce. Most every pronouncement that came out of the narc's lips was either embellished, purposefully inaccurate, or an outright fallacy. Yes the whole relationship was an intricately fabricated stage set, a game and that narcopath never had any regard for our humanity or anything we stood for at all. Yes the pre-planned game was played and the narc was going to win. The stage had been set for the narc's next phony fantasy and we were cast as the naive fool who deserved to be a victim. A person who had the audacity to actually believe we were worthy of the narc seeing us as their equal. Yes those of us foolish enough to expect truth, respect, and to be treated like an equal deserved to be given a rude and painful awakening when the narc finally asserted their god-like sovereignty over us and departed. That narc felt it was their full right to deplete us of nearly all of our life force. That meal they took was the cost of us having the privilege of being in their presence. The narc created the perfect environment that gave them the feedback their bloodlust required. Yes by fully capitalizing on the natural love bond every healthy person bestows upon their partner and withdrawing that relationship suddenly the narc gave themselves an aura of superiority and that feeling was pure energy for them. Yes that narc in the end fed off of the pain and distress they caused their ex partner, while oftentimes simultaneously getting huge amounts of positive energy from a new partner that aided them in their abuse of the ex. So the damage is done and the discarded partner can't understand and is totally shocked. The steep learning curve of understanding the dynamics of what happened to them leaves the targeted victim no choice but to fully study and comprehend the dark twisted world of covert narcissism. The repair process goes through ups and downs leading to rage, despair, hopelessness and feelings of utter worthlessness. Some of these covert creeps add to all of this by threatening the target with even more abuse. Those threats could be physical, financial, or psychological. What makes these threats so powerful and real for the victim is that the victim is already doubting their own perceptions of reality, making them extremely vulnerable to believing in even the most remotely feasible dangers. Yes when the foundation of your world has been destroyed and shown to be a farce, you become functionally paranoid and unable to trust almost anything anymore and give feasibility to even the most remote possibilities. So yes those “benign” threats are like a loaded gun being aimed right at your head or the head of a loved one. That metaphorical gun is something you never handled or were ever exposed to. You saw that level of violence as something you would never be anywhere near. But unbeknownst to you that violent malevolence was right beside you, rooting itself into your very heart and soul. Yes that evil narcopath seemed like your best friend on earth, the only person who “got” you and an angel of light. The nightmare that ensued obfuscated the true nature of that parasitic beast as it rooted itself deeper and deeper into your psyche. Only at the time of discard did the true identity and nature of that creature become visible. So naturally there was a shock. But the target goes on, picking themselves up day after day and makes painfully slow progress. Adding to the problem is that no one cares to understand. So the sad fact is that most of us have to go it alone. Sometimes each day seems to be more of a struggle than the last even when the progress is clearly visible and things are getting better. The adversity that these covert creeps bring upon their victims produces incredible emotional pain that manifests itself in many different ways and often seems to come out of nowhere for no discernible reason. Other times that pain is triggered by something that directly or even indirectly brings back a memory of that narcopath's abuse and this can legitimately be called PTSD. All of this creates an atmosphere of hopelessness even in the face of progress. But we go on fighting for hope, fighting for faith, fighting to regain ourselves and our self confidence. No, success may still not be guaranteed so we persevere and do what we did so long ago: delay our gratification. Not that we want to, but because we have no choice. We have work to do: on ourselves, on our finances, on our attitude. No we aren't good for anyone right now but we work to be good for someone in the future. Yes help in the form of a partner may well be on the horizon and that person may take us the rest of the way to being back to where we started before the narcopath. But for now we need to continue on with no guarantees. Yes that narc stole years of our lives that goes far beyond the actual duration of the relationship and it is up to us to heal ourselves and put back the pieces of our lives. It is up to us to rebuild better than before and make the healing process move along as rapidly and efficiently as possible. Yes it all goes back to taking personal responsibility while at the same time realizing that nothing of what that narc did to us was deserved or warranted. Yes it was fully the narc's fault and responsibility for what happened in that relationship, but it's fully our responsibility to repair the damage to ourselves and our environment. So the cost to us is huge, but the gain will be ours as well. The narc will no longer steal the fruits of our labor or victimize us and that is a good thing. Make no mistake, that narc was a tragedy and even though we will be better off after having rebuilt ourselves that isn't the point. The narc robbed us of years or decades of our life and caused immeasurable emotional pain and distress of indescribable intensity and variability and of unbelievable duration. Yes adversity can make us stronger and more complete people, but let's be very clear: We would have been much better off if that narc never darkened our doorstep. The gains we make are totally a result of our own efforts as well as the help of other people and for the believer, God showing us the way. Yes for some of us we would never have made it without God's support and guidance. So even if that tragedy of covert narcissism ended up benefiting us in the end it's absolutely no thanks to the covert narcopath. The narc was a flood, a fire, an earthquake or any other natural disaster or severe illness that forced us to reach inside ourselves and reach out to God. But that disaster should never be seen as anything but the tragedy that it was, something we would have been better off never having experienced. So what about the cost of covert narcissism to the narc themselves? Well that has been discussed previously. Our love for the narcopath ran deep and couldn't simply be turned off. We were deeply invested in that person and their welfare. We cared very much about that narcopath and even in the middle of that abuse we saw clearly what that narcopath was doing to themselves in their acts of depraved treachery. Many of us warned those narcs and our efforts were scoffed at and portrayed as transparent ploys to manipulate. OK. So the target did what they were supposed to do, did what their genuine love for that covert creep dictated for them to do. Yes the target does have empathy and does care, but when it comes to the narcopath they can wash their hands of the situation with a fully clean and clear conscience. They can quarantine or even erase that narc from their thoughts without losing an ounce of their integrity or kindness or empathy. Yes the victim has only the damage done by the narc to focus on. The victim is forced to focus on themselves simply to survive. The target has accepted the responsibility for believing the narcopath and sees that this is the extent of their responsibility. That truth is empowering and healing. It is a truth that peels away all of the layers of toxicity and emotional baggage and gets to the very heart, the essence of the target's problem without attaching any emotion. That truth frees the target and convicts the narcopath. The narc has made their bed and now they sleep in it and the victim knows for sure they can do nothing to change that narco paths gruesome fate. It is not the target's problem or responsibility what happens to the narcopath and that is because the narcopath made it that way and wanted it that way. So the narc gets what they want. Yes the saying be careful what you wish for because you may actually get it never rang truer. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

End Comments:                                                                                                                                        The covert narcissist doesn’t understand that life is based upon an honor system. Frequently the way to happiness, joy, and fulfillment is the hard way, the counterintuitive way, a way that would make no sense. But our responsibilities force us to take that path. Only later do we understand that the hard way was the correct way.                                                                        The narc has a childlike vision of the world. They take whatever they can. They see the “bright shiny object” and just have to have it. Yes they take all of the whole low hanging fruit and then they see some more fruit that doesn’t belong to them and steal that as well. To the narc's way of thinking, that is there’s the secret to success.                                                                                                                                                 But the narc that’s lived decades of their existence with this philosophy has nothing to point to, no successes. Frequently, covert narcopaths are the most unhappy, miserable, angry and bitter human beings on earth. Those who live behind closed doors with these creeps can attest to this. The complaining and lack of satisfaction with just about everything is sickening. Literally. What makes a narc happy? A fresh piece of meat, otherwise known as a new target to victimize and feast on and finish off to the bone. The narc leaves only scraps. Those scraps that remain are all that the victim has to work with in the beginning stages of rebuilding their lives.          The narc is a parasite because they refuse to do the things necessary to generate their own happiness and joy. So the narc can only take. One of the narc's many talents is to give the appearance of being generous and of giving while in reality they are receiving far more benefits than the costs that they incur.

The narc can only steal from others and because of this any so-called accomplishments or just flimsy fake versions of the real thing.

The Covert Narcissist Never “Sleeps”: Longer Version The covert narc, just like rust never stops trying to take control of the narrative, never stops trying to erode the confidence of an ex partner that is wise to their ways. Yes, just like rust, the narc never sleeps. That narcissist eroded and rusted out whole sections of our life beyond repair. That damage had to be cut out, new patch panels fabricated and those panels had to be welded in place, primed and painted. We may think that we have patched, welded in, painted and primed every surface point, but without our knowledge there was a small spot that we neglected and immediately the rust took hold. We were lucky enough to spot that area and retreated it, but without our vigilance that area would have quickly become yet another area of erosion that could potentially rust the entire piece. The primary example of this is the long line of crafty commenters seeking to covertly create unnecessary ambiguity and wanting to place doubt into people who have just come out of the most extreme fantasy world any sane person could ever be drawn into. Yes these commenters are often focusing on the person creating the video commentary, attempting to undermine the progress made in exposing the wiles of covert narco paths, but the message sent is also intended to spread misinformation to those who view the comment. No, a healing victim doesn't need ambiguity, they need clarity. A healing victim doesn't need to be told the abuse was their fault or that they were “equally” to blame in a narco pathic relationship. Then some of these people go one step further and attempt to gaslight whole groups of people by stating they are trying to be “helpful” to the victims. It was never about the victim not seeing their own fault and blame. That victim never had a problem with self introspection or soul searching. They did look deep inside themselves and try to become better people. But the em path was blind to their self-love deficiency and the discard from the narcopath forced them to understand what it was inside themselves that the narcopath capitalized on and took advantage of. Yes that em path turned victim had to face their co-dependency and did. Yes the victim understands very clearly that they made a huge mistake in trusting that narcopath. The victim is well aware of being self love deficient, co-dependent, naive, not vigilant, too trusting and too willing to believe. The victim is well aware that they shouldn't have accepted and allowed the abuse. Yes something inside the victim told them that that abuse was OK, in fact the victim actually subconsciously thought it was normal to be abused. Yes somehow that victim felt “comfortable” being put down and having all of their self worth and dreams and accomplishments denigrated and minimized. Yes, it may well be that previous narco paths in that em paths childhood conditioned them to accept abuse. But the bigger picture , the main theme of that narco pathic relationship has been craft-fully omitted or minimized with those arguments intended to “help” victims. The big problem with that narco pathic relationship is the fact that the narcopath is a predator, seeking to find someone to victimize. The foundation of a relationship is all about being genuine and sincere and the em path was all of those things. The em path gave of themselves and loved and committed and was loyal. The em path, for the most part sought to be a positive influence in the narco paths life. The narcopath has none of those things to their credit. No there is no equivalency whatsoever when it comes to assigning blame in that relationship. The greatest portion of the blame and responsibility for both the abuse and the dysfunction in that narco pathic relationship rests almost solely on the shoulders of that narcopath. The sincerity of intentions is the primary thing to focus on when two people enter a relationship and without a doubt the narcopath was insincere. The empath, no matter how faulty a human being, at least was serious about the relationship. That should close the case of where the vast majority of the blame needs to be placed. Yes that victim may have had many “close calls” in past relationships and saw the manipulation of a partner for what it was. The victim departed those relationships whole and intact. But the narcopath craftily subverted all of that em paths innate discernment, slowly but surely drawing that em path further and further into a bizarre fantasy world having less and less resemblance to the real and actual world. A fantasy that incorporated that victim's whole life, the entire scope of the relationship, their own self image, and the entire vision that victim had of their future. Yes it came as a shock to the victim when it was revealed that most of their life was a fabricated farce. That was difficult to process for the victim. But the information was slowly absorbed and with time that victim began to see things clearly and live in the real world again. However, there are always those who insist on casting doubt into that victim's mind. Well, dispelling doubt and seeing that narcopath as a perpetrator with impure intentions is part of the healing process for the victim and confusing that issue does nothing at all to aid in the healing process. So what are some of the things these people do to create the doubt? Well, it almost always boils down to building up the narco paths grandeur and devaluing and minimizing the true victim. Yes, in a sense it is a way of getting whole groups of people who have finally understood that they were victims and calling into question all of the progress they have made. Yes every human being can look inside themselves and identify many areas where there is room for improvement, but the covert narcissist abuse victim should be very clear about the fact that the narcopath was a predator with malevolent intentions. No, the victim didn't jump to that conclusion easily, there was no effort on the victim's end to avoid personal responsibility or shift blame. The narcopath themselves proved their own evil narcissism 100 times over simply by their actions and words. But those persisting attempts to demoralize a past victim are usually confined to and focused on those ex partners who decide to publicly expose narco paths. Yes, this includes people who post on YouTube as well as posts created on any other form of social media such as Instagram and Facebook, to name a few others. Yes when the narc sees an ex partner putting themselves back together and uncovering the truth of narco pathic depravity the temptation to troll that ex is irresistible. The opportunities of that narc themselves to garner the support of flying monkeys that will assist in that trolling of that ex are nearly unlimited. Yes social media opens up a whole new frontier and generates ways of creating deception and manipulation and outright fraud in ways that were previously unimaginable to the narcopath. But leave it to the shrewd narcopath to always see a way of abusing, using and turning something that could be used for good and instead degrading those good things and using them as tools for the purpose of evil. For the vast majority of victims, there is a different, more insidious way in which an individual covert narcopath continues to use and abuse their ex partners long after they have discarded that victim. Yes that long list of people the narcopath destroyed are an integral part of their personality and have all been incorporated into a present day narrative. Those past associations provide a wealth of material to be used when the narc crafts their next fake and phony persona. One in which in every single instance the narcopath was themselves the victim and the overcomer. One in which those past victims have everything about themselves warped and transformed so that in the end the description of that person and the narrative of their actions and words bears no resemblance to the actual person and events it is based upon. Many of those past partners are depicted as unreasonable fools, people with mental illness, people who are irrational and manipulative, people who are lazy, irresponsible, lie, cheat, steal, abuse drugs or alcohol, etc. Others of those ex partners will be turned into outright demons. Yes the narcopath is well versed in evil and treachery so they are experts at projecting onto past victims what they as narcopaths are themselves. Yes the narcopath needs to go no further than themselves for a motherload of material to use in falsely casting that ex partner as the wrongdoer. Many a victim would be taken aback by what they are being portrayed as when the narc is in the presence of various people. Those stories are custom tailored to the audience, but they all share a common thread: They are very loosely based on the facts that the current audience is aware of. The narrative itself, including the narco paths role in that association is almost pure fabrication. A healed victim would simply be amused at hearing the fiction a warped mind dedicated to treachery and deception and specializing in smearing ex partners can create out of thin air. Of course it isn't really thin air, since the narc uses their own malevolence and irrational behavior and incorporates it into that smear campaign by assigning those traits to the ex partner. The sad thing is that the narcopath was doing this projection all along once that partner was placed in the devaluation phase and that narcopath was simultaneously searching for fresh supply. Our notion of the narcopath as having a fake mask is spot on, but we wrongly assumed that the fake personas were sequential. Yes we assumed that each fake persona would be the entirety of the narcopath's existence wherever they went until a next fake persona was chosen. But that was never the case. The reality was that the narcopath had many different fake personas all at the same time, custom tailored to each setting. So they would be one person with their partner and a totally different person at work or at a community group, not to mention the phony identity they were projecting on social sites. Yes that narcopath was already casting their partner as an abuser long before the actual discard. The convenient thing with these multiple fake personas is that they do allow a narcopath to remain in a relationship for decades. The narc remains the dutiful and devoted spouse as long as they can convince their partner of it and has multiple affairs on the side where they can indulge in alter egos. Yes the narcopath can tire of one of these adulterous alter egos and then simply switch to another when the next affair is started. Greedy narcs sometimes overstep themselves and keep three or even more relationships going all at once. But the point is each of these partners will require a different and customized false mask. Yes we are describing insanity here. That must be clear to everyone by now. Eventually life goes on for the victim and the effects of the narco pathic abuse gradually fade. But because the lingering effects of that past abuse still influence huge portions of the victim's existence, the link to the narcopath is almost impossible to erase fully until the damage itself has been repaired. But the narcopath, who was for the most part never effected by their own abusive and phony behavior saves each and every one of those relationships and freely uses those past victims over and over again when necessary. Those past victims are used to weave the false narrative of the narcopath never having been understood and having been in one abusive relationship after another. Prime material to use as bait in the procurement of the next exciting adventure with the next unwary target. But the narcopath is displeased to no end when they are prevented from fully owning the narrative in the event that a victim has the audacity to set the record straight. The narc thinks it their right and privilege to own all of the versions of what occurred in that relationship. Yes, the covert narcissist has a copyright on pain and anyone telling their version of those occurrences is infringing on the narc's copyright. Yes, the narcopath has sovereignty over all of it, the narrative of the past relationship and they even think themselves the continued owners of that discarded victim, even if they never have any intentions of contacting or seeing that person again. So the narc never sleeps, never stops scheming, never stops manipulating, never stops weaving their tales of deception that involve real actual people but other than that are total fiction. Without a doubt, the narc gives up on people, on commitments, on relationships, on jobs, even on parents and siblings, but the narcissist never gives up on their treachery and deceit. The narc never gives up on destroying anyone they have decided is unworthy of their presence. The narc discards but never gives up ownership of these people. People they have gotten the better of, deceived, used, then thrown away. Yes those people, even if the narc has discarded them need to behave in a manner that is acceptable to the narcissist, never have a mind of their own, and more importantly never should they dare expose the methods of covert narcissists. Well that is just too bad for those narco paths. They aren't God and they don't own the world. No the narc isn't sovereign. So when one of these “vanquished” individuals rises from the ashes and begins exposing the ways of their evil, their methods of operation, the narcopath becomes very annoyed. They will try every way possible to silence, to defeat, to discourage, to intimidate. They will try anything that they can possibly conjure up from that bag of tricks of theirs. The narc will try to do this individually and if they can manage it, they will also create and enlist flying monkeys to aid them in their quest of destruction. As an individual, the narc will try threats and intimidation. The narc will throw every wild accusation that is even remotely feasible at that target that was once their ex partner. When that fails, they will try a different approach and contact the ex partner in mild humility, making subtle suggestions that maybe the person should stop making videos. Yes, I am speaking from personal experience and I will go into further detail of my own actual observations. In the immediate aftermath of the discard the narcopath found a useful idiot in her new partner, a flying monkey ready to try and strong arm and vanquish the ex partner. But the problem was the narcissist as well as their pet weasel, vastly underestimated what would happen when they pushed someone to their limit. Yes the all knowing narc never encountered a super em path before and that new narco pathic weasel partner of hers had only the faulty information that the narcopath fed him to go by. Yes I am speaking from personal experience and I will not speculate on the crazy scenario that the covert narcopath made up about me. I am sure there were numerous different stories, depending on who her audience was, but I am particularly interested in how she portrayed me to those new partners of hers. Yes, no doubt that first useful idiot was discarded once he was no longer useful. But others have come since then. Yes there is no doubt that there is yet another new man in that narco paths life who has been fed a version of past abuse by numerous partners including myself custom tailored to his particular idiosyncrasies. Possibly that man is gentler, more sophisticated, and more refined than the weasel, or maybe he is another thug this crazy creep seemed to be so fond of towards the end. No matter. They are still fools for believing a word that comes out of the narco paths mouth. Yes I will freely admit I was a fool to even believe one word that flowed from that creep's lips. But onto the underminers and destroyers that want to be “helpful” to the video presenter and his audience. Let's and call them trolls as a group to keep things simple even though that implies being judgmental and presuming the motives of another person that we don't even know. Not all of these people are purposeful trolls, but the effect of their posts does every bit as much damage. So we call all of these people trolls even though not all of them intend to be. Some of these people are simply self-deluded, arrogant, and uninformed and actually do think they are helping. But a person who has never experienced narco pathic abuse is in no position whatsoever to understand what a person that has suffered at the hands of a narcopath goes through and is therefor unqualified to have an opinion let alone pass judgment on genuine victims. No the victim of a narcopath wasn't a fool who believed every world of flattery or every lie that narcopath told. The capture of that target by the predatory narcopath was so subtle that a person who was well versed in psychology but never introduced to the concept of covert narcissism could be fully deceived. Yes psychological safeguards were put in place by some of those targets to avoid liars and deceivers. Safeguards were put in place by the target to slowly extract themselves and make themselves less vulnerable to a partner who was displaying signs of treachery and disloyalty. But the narcopath cut every one of those psychological safeguards to pieces with plausible explanations for why they weren't able to show loyalty, love and vulnerability like most other people do. Yes that narc was a hardened person due to an abused childhood according to that narc's narrative, so in many cases they got a free pass. Back to the trolls. These trolls often try to make the point that the target was just a naive fool who should have known better. Well anyone who knows about covert narcissism does know better...now. These trolls are often independent but the opportunity for the narc themselves to get flying monkeys to assist in this trolling means that the narc can engage in the attempted destabilization of an ex partner on a continuing basis through third parties. Since the barrage of naysayers and wiseguys that occasionally crawl out from under their rocks to comment is never ending, hiding their own personal trolls in the crowd is a relatively easy task for the covert narcissist. To add to the mix the covert narc themselves will also take on numerous anonymous social alter egos and continue their attempts at demoralizing the ex as well. But when that narc has been bested and detected too many times they eventually stop trying on their own and focus their efforts an finding someone that can do a better job than they can. The fabricated tale of woe and victim-hood is simply something many members of the opposite sex can't resist. Especially when the potential for a relationship is implied. But make no mistake there are plenty of average people simply motivated by self righteousness that will also be more than willing to believe that narcopath's phony stories and be willing to help bring down a supposed evil doer we all understand to be the genuine victim. Yes the narc is an expert at creating flying monkeys from all walks of life to aid and abet them. But then the narc has a masterstroke idea that is something they never conceived of before. Yes, they then come up with an idea that excites them to no end. They decide to enlist their new partner in a trolling campaign. This new partner is not the typical lowlife thug the narc gravitates to but someone who considers themselves an intellectual and a high class sophisticate that is wise to the ways of the world. A person who is convinced by the narcopath that this ex partner is simply disgruntled and making up stories about the covert narc on social sites. So this wise intellectual partner is enlisted to do for the narc what that narc can't do for themselves. Silence that ex partner if at all possible, but confront using reason and logic. Confront posing as a mild mannered humble person who “just wants to help”. Yes most of us are well aware of the covert narcissist's knack for getting reasonable and even possibly good people to do their bidding and commit acts that boil down to being treacherous, damaging, and evil. We are also all well aware of the covert narc's addiction to capturing targets and making those targets believe they are actually entering into and engaging in a genuine relationship. But now the narc enters into one of their most ambitious endeavors to date. Yes if the narc can actually introduce their new partner to the concept of covert narcissism and deceive that new partner into believing they are genuine and not a narcopath at all they have achieved something never attained before. The novel idea here is that after introducing the new partner to the concept of covert narcissism that narc craft-fully endeavors to subtly victimize and deceive this same new partner just as every covert narcissist does. Convince this new partner that they are genuinely committed and love that partner even when covert narcissism and the actual treachery committed by this individual narcopath are clearly laid out in videos. Yes this takes narcopathic deception to a new level. From there on out convincing that deceived partner to do their evil bidding while thinking they are doing good becomes a relatively easy task. Yes that new partner will be fully convinced that every word of every video is an absolute lie and that target might even be convinced that the concept of covert narcissism is an overblown hoax. That new protector is convinced of that narco paths authenticity. That dupe hasn't a clue, even when given all of the information needed on a silver platter, Karpman triangle references and all. OK. Keep in mind we are not talking at all about one of the narc's standard ploys: that of simply deceiving someone into believing they are either interested in a relationship or actually faking a relationship with someone to get that person to do their bidding. What we are talking about has many more layers of complexity and subtlety. This is treachery cleaned up, sanitized and dressed in formal, high class attire. This is treachery that no one even sees as treachery. Not even the perpetrator duped into promulgating this nonsense sees it as treachery. Yes these clowns actually think their psychobabble will convince a person into believing nonsense which through twisted logic and reason would make someone conclude that covert narcissism is a myth and that the victims are all to blame for their own difficulty in recovering and moving on. This is treachery that appears reasonable, sophisticated and may even on its surface seem to be a genuine attempt at “helping”, at enlightening. But the proof is in the pudding and once we slice though all of the layers of deception, and see that all of this “help” is really producing one result: telling the victim it's all their fault, casting doubt on their victim status and more importantly casting doubt on the very existence of covert narcissism. But the giveaway is when the clowns overstep themselves and actually blatantly imply in not so many words that the covert narc is some sort of demigod or goddess and overtly state that this person was so magnificent the ex partner can never get over the loss or ever be able to recreate that experience. Of course what the fools fail to realize is that they themselves are being deceived. Yes these dupes doing the bidding of the covert narc may actually believe all the nonsense they are spouting especially about the “god like” nature of their “special” new partner. Oh yes I forgot to mention that these commenters at least one of them, is now the proud partner of the narcopath. But of course covert narcissism doesn't exist and that narc is a true treasure that the fool thinks themselves lucky to be in a relationship with. Yes they get what they deserve, but it will be a while before the true nature of that “treasure” reveals itself. Maybe some people like being abused and mistreated and denigrated. If so they have found themselves the perfect match. As for the rest of us rest assured when the fog clears and the victim gets themselves back they have no illusions as to the irreplaceability of the narcopath. A healed victim just has to look around and they will see numerous people both physically and spiritually. not to mention psychologically, far superior to the narcopath. That narc was special to the target for one reason and one reason alone: we chose to love them and endow them with that importance and stature. We chose to invest ourselves into these people and believe in them and have faith in them despite their deep flaws. We chose to be supportive and work with what we had and gently show these people a better way, rather than constantly pointing out their flaws. Our failing was simply not being able to conceive of someone who literally didn't love us or care about us at all. No those telltale signs, the red flags that made us wonder, weren't small things, they were the tip of an iceberg. No, that narc wasn't a hardened person with a good heart, they were a person with no heart using an abused past as a smokescreen. Yes a person can be forgiven when under the spell of a narcopath while being totally unaware of the existence of covert narcissism. But to have everything laid out right in front of you and still be oblivious? Well that means someone has a big problem and is under a serious delusion. Fortunately that isn't the problem of an aware victim. Most people, especially narc abuse victims don't enjoy observing dysfunctional train wrecks otherwise known as modern and evolved open relationships. The dupes have no idea how open that relationship with the narcopath really is. Yes the dupe actually thinks there is some degree of genuine loyalty, some genuine commitment and love. Sorry, no there is not. So the narc abuse victim really doesn't enjoy a person making a spectacle and a fool of themselves. Let them enjoy the covert narc and live in their fool's paradise. The victims simply want to be left alone and “protectors” doing the narco paths bidding can take a hike. They will be identified, isolated, and eliminated. They will be erased. Just as the narcopath was erased. So what is the point of mentioning all of this? Well part of the fabricated narrative the new dupe is sometimes fed involves an ex partner that supposedly had nothing going on in their lives other than the narcopath. Yes the ex made that narcopath their whole life. They were totally dependent on the narcopath and couldn't handle their departure, so that when the narcopath left the ex partner lost everything. Yes, according to that narrative that ex partner was nothing without the presence of that narcopath in their lives. So the ex can't move on. Yes that ex partner of the narc is an empty shell that was nothing before the narc arrived into their lives and is once again nothing now that the narcopath has departed. There is no doubt that is only one of the themes of that carefully crafted fake narrative presented to the dupe. But the main thing is that narrative totally legitimizes the narcopath even in the face of all of the videos made by her ex. Yes what a clever stroke of that narco paths imagination. The narc can have their Karpman triangle right in the face of a Karpman triangle video. But this triangle is artistic, subtler, more covert, more refined. But in it's own way this more covert way of dealing with things is also much more sinister. Yes the dupe is all in, and they and the narc are both on the same page. Subtle subterfuge. Intellectual and philosophical warfare. But when you boil it all down it is still all of the same game playing. Immature and foolish deception and posturing with the appearance of reason and logic, presented with pseudo-scientific intellectualistic language. The same old garbage dressed up to look different. In my case, at least the narc's first weasel partner who was used to cruelly triangulate was unsophisticated enough to not be able to help himself. That weasel's self deluded sense of greatness and personal narcissism could be seen a mile away. But we aren't talking about that type of overt aggression designed to destroy. Yes this attack is more “covert”, but with all of the same malevolence, only having the surface appearance of humility. Yes this new strategy is to appear humble. Speak gently with deference. But then provide links to so called “helpful” videos designed to begin playing at a sentence that gives the real message intended. Clever. Covert. Wicked. The same goes with the so called “helpful” advice to victims of covert narcissist abuse that ends up creating confusion and making the victim once again question themselves and think themselves the ones that bear much if not all of the responsibility for the narcopath abusing and eventually leaving. Yes that so called “help”, when analyzed gives these creeps away and shows them to be the phonies that they are. Sadly you can never have a clear and open conversation, a fruitful exchange of ideas that both parties can learn and benefit from with a narcopath. It's all about winning at a game of deception for the narcopath, and that is the other “tell” that separates a well meaning person with incorrect information seeking a conversation from a disruptor with the intent of destroying, of demoralizing, of confusing, of silencing. So the new narrative used against a covert narcissist abuse victim is that they made the narcopath “their whole lives” and that is why they couldn't get over it when the narcopath departed. Well that could make sense, if it were true. That could make sense, but the problem is that covert narcissism actually exists and that victim can't get over the situation because of severe psychological and emotional abuse. Covert narcissism is real, not a myth. Yes there are actually people in the world dedicated to lying and deceit. People who don't have a conscience or remorse. People who discard and weave false narratives of abuse simply to suit their own needs and desires. Yes people who create accounts of abuse and terrible intolerable behavior that is fabricated out of thin air. No abuse whatsoever actually occurred. On the contrary, the discarded partner, the so called abuser was supportive, kind, complimentary, compassionate, and appreciative. The so called abuser was the one who was actually being terribly abused and lied to on a daily basis. The so called abuser was being ground down and sucked dry of every ounce of their lifeforce. But the narcopath twisted everything and projected all of the abuse originating from themselves onto the ex partner, the actual victim of abuse. But what about that accusation of making the narcopath not the center of their lives, but “their whole life”? Well once again a small amount of actual fact is mixed in with a huge deception, cobbled together, then presented as the truth. Make no mistake, the covert narcissist's goal was to enslave their target and make that target totally dependent on them. Yes that narcopath wanted the em path or self love deficient person or codependent to make them not just the center of their lives, but “their whole life”. However if that target ever actually did make that narcopath “their whole life”, it was not because of any deficiencies in themselves, it was because the narcopath never gave up until finally they got it all their way and made themselves that target's whole life. The very point of all of the narcissist's lies, the gaslighting, the future faking was to fully and totally manipulate and control another human being. Yes if the narc had their way they would have precisely what was described: a person who made them their whole life. No, not just the center of their lives, but their whole life. It should be stated clearly again: If such a poor soul exists they were purposefully made that way by the narcopath, not because of their own deficiencies and dysfunctional need to focus their whole life on someone else. But how easy it is to twist everything and once again blame the victim. The irony and the wickedness of it all is that once the narc has created this so called mind numbed robot they actually use the result of all of their abuse as the reason for them to discard that self same victim. Yes that is the definition of evil, of incredibly depraved indifference, wickedness and cruelty. This is possible for the covert narcissist because they don't see anyone else as an actual human being, the narco paths victims are dehumanized and are simply seen as appliances for the narcopath to use. But the narcopath is never done. They now enlist others and tell them of that target's “issues”. Yes that target is still dwelling on covert narcissism and continues to recount the details of abuse in that relationship in videos they are making. But of course the narcopath being under the impression that they have ownership of a previous target couldn't possibly allow that person to have sovereignty over their own lives, so the narc enlists their new soul mate, or new best friend or any other person they can convince into being a flying monkey, in to handle a lingering “problem” they have. Yes the new dupe will now be helpful and try to point out to the target that they have a huge problem. Yes the victim of a covert narcissist is now told all of their problems that arose from the relationship with a covert narcissist are their fault and their fault alone. Never is there any allusion whatsoever to the narcopath having any problems at all. No, those lies, the deception, the gaslighting, the cycle of flattery, mirroring idealization, followed by the honeymoon period and the devaluation and sudden discard are a mere coincidence. Maybe those events never even occurred, are even outright lies. The target is severely deluded. Covert narcissism is a myth, or at least their interpretation of their ex as having been a covert narcissist is faulty. Yes that ex partner, the actual victim is the one with all of the problems. The victim is the one lying, making up stories, and fabricating the scenarios of that relationship out of thin air. Isn't that cute. The foolishness of these clowns is unimaginable. Yes the accounts of someone who lived something, actually witnessed it all, and was the actual victim of those events doesn't know what he is talking about, but a third party who was never even present is going by the “accurate” accounts of a covert narcissist, a proven liar one hundred times over, and presenting themselves as an authority on those events. You have to give it to those covert narcissists. This is an absolute master stroke. Their crowning achievement. The narc achieves the near impossible: they create a dupe, a clown that fully believes all of their lies and never questions. Even when given all of the information about how covert narcissists lie and deceive and manipulate their targets. Even when numerous details of what is actually going on inside the warped head of that narcopath are presented to them clearly. Even after having most of the details of the abuse that the individual narcopath perpetrated clearly described right in front of their eyes. Well maybe some narcopaths do finally find their lap dog. Good for them. But that is of no concern or interest to the victims. What is of concern is when these fools spew garbage and misinformation and use the age old technique of projection, actually putting all of the blame and abuse squarely on the shoulders of the genuine victim. Yes the narcopath is the sane one and needs to change nothing. They were the victim. Yes the person victimized by the narcopath is presented as the one who needs to work on themselves and change. Well here is the narco paths problem: Their lies and manipulations are now clearly visible. Those victims are now living in the world of reality where black is black, white is white, up is up, and down is down. No more floating in outer space or drifting in a fog. Reality bites but only those who refuse to acknowledge it. So here is the reality: Most victims did love that narcopath and make that person their highest priority and even the center of their lives. That is a function of love. But to say that narc was the target's whole life is a vast over reach. Most of those targets did have many interests in art, in nature, in science, things that attracted the narcopath in the first place. But just because a partner becomes the focus of our attention, our highest priority as is appropriate when a person genuinely loves another human being does not at all add up to that partner being “someone's whole life”. So when an anon wants to give “helpful” advice about not making someone “your whole life” it is immediately seen for the nonsense that it is. At least for me. But even for those who were conned and manipulated into making a narcopath their whole lives, how dare someone even suggest that those people are to blame for that. That qualifies as kicking someone, even psychologically abusing someone when they are already down. Yes, that anon referred to with all of the “helpful” comments is real. All of the events recounted in my relationship with the narcopath are true to the best of my recollection. All of the interactions with that narco paths first new partner, the weasel that was her partner right after the discard are real. No they aren't fabrications, they are raw facts of the harsh and cruel reality that every covert narcissist abuse victim has to deal with long after that creep is done with them. So it becomes clear that the narcopath did everything in their power to break down the victim and eliminate all of their interests, leaving themselves as the only thing remaining in the victim's life. But that was by the covert narcissist's design. When the narc's strategy doesn't work and they see that the victim doesn't give everything up, that is called disloyalty or inattentiveness displayed by the victim. When the target refuses to be manipulated, that is called showing a lack of love by the narcopath, or being difficult. Ironically, the narc will often accuse someone of being manipulative when that person refuses to be manipulated. So in the end the narc moves on and gives up when they realize that person will never become a slave. The excuse being that the person was never serious about the relationship, never really loved the narcopath and had never been loyal. Sadly, those who do give in to the narcopath eventually suffer the very same fate. Only in that case the narc makes the argument that the person had no life and made them their whole lives. No, you will never be able to win with a narcissist. They will always have an excuse for what we all now know is obvious: the narc does what they want to do due to pure selfishness, regardless of the cost to others. Yes the narc always wins and that game goes on long after the discard. The narc never sleeps or stops scheming or re-purposing. The narc never stops trying to erode everything and everyone they come in contact with, even past partners. Day in day out. Until the end of their days. But in reality they have eroded themselves. The targets that were victimized are used as trophies and dusted off every now and then when the narc sees something that is useful to them in their present. A quality, a talent, a like or dislike of those former exes can always be plagiarized and used by the narc for their own fake persona. An ex partner making videos can still be targeted for abuse either directly or indirectly through third parties. The common theme is always the same: The narcopath dehumanizes and uses people. They do this before, during, and even long after they have used and abused these ex partners. Only the outward appearance and actions and words of the narc seem to indicate they change their attitude. But rest assured it's always the same for the narcopath. It's all about them and them alone. They are always the victim. They are never wrong. They are never to blame. But oh how proud they are of all of the people they bested and destroyed and there amazing ability to erode and degrade everything until it is nearly useless. That is what gives those creeps self worth and self esteem. Sick. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. Ending commentary: The power of relying on God's advice as given in the Bible can not be overstated. We rarely understand that advice at the time, but if we follow it we see the benefits and wisdom of that advice eventually. God doesn't need to be told what the narcopath did to you. He is well aware of the situation. God doesn't need your advice on what should happen to the narcopath, what their punishment should be. God doesn't need your help in punishing that narcopath. God told you what to do: stay out of His way, He would take care of the situation. Any attempt at “informing” God of what we think He isn't aware of , any attempt at “helping” God means that we think we know better than God, means that we believe our solution to the problem is superior to that of God's. Yes that narc may not suffer or pay for what they did to us and we won't be able to understand why that was allowed. Yes God does allow the wicked to prosper and the Bible makes it very clear that God is aware of the frustration that causes those victims. He understands the pain, the rage and your longing to see justice. But God is in control. He has this.