The Covert Narcissist is Nothing and No One: Deconstructing the Narc's False Narrative Before we even begin, let's be clear about who this message is intended for. This message is solely for a survivor of covert narcissist abuse that is still having problems eliminating that creep from their minds. No, this message isn't an attempt at insulting a covert narcopath or somehow getting them to see the error of their ways, “see the light”. That would be a waste of precious time and resources. An informed person doesn't waste their efforts on trying to talk sense to an unteachable disrespectful narcopath who thinks things are just fine the way they are. The point of the video is to clarify the actual significance of that covert narcissist in the target's mind. Yes that covert narcissist had a major impact on our lives simply because they were an abuser and a perpetrator. After enough time and study the enlightened target understands all of those things. But many a target still has a “sweet spot” for the narc and still holds out hope that this was all just a bad misunderstanding and that eventually this nightmare will end. Yes that narc will return and be truthful and prove that they actually loved you and cared. OK then, they weren't a covert narcissist. You were mistaken. Time tells us the reality of what that narc's true intentions were. So after a good amount of time giving that ex a chance to prove themselves, to be and actual human being, and no evidence of it whatsoever, it becomes time to eliminate that covert narc fully from our thoughts, to neutralize their influence on our daily lives. Yes the anger, bitterness, and resentment need to be gone and that process is a long and difficult one in and of itself. But that target also has to clearly put that narcopath in perspective and see them for their true insignificance. With or without knowing it the target sees that narcopath as important, having stature, having “gravitas”. One reason for this is that the target conflates the negative impact of the abuse with the so called good times, then makes the mistake of seeing that covert narcissist as having also had a certain degree of positive impact along with the incredible negativity. Yes the push-pull, the trauma bond effectively ties us to the narcopath and in a sense gets us addicted to their approval. So those crumbs that narc threw us appeared to us as precious jewels during the relationship and the target continues to view those platitudes with fondness after the narc has departed. No, they were simply crumbs, nothing more. It was all by the narc's design to make those crumbs appear as jewels, but we are now thinking clearly and rationally again and we see things for what they actually were. So the narc gives us an image of them being irreplaceable. That is pure nonsense. In fact that covert narcissist is easily replaceable and when you look at these creeps apart from their great ability to destroy people's lives and lie like there is no tomorrow, you see a very small human being devoid of any real substance. It is only our love for them that binds us and makes them important and part of that love means we don't see these creeps for what they really are. The target needs to correct this faulty thinking if they are ever to fully heal. Yes the narc can be charming and impress people with those incredible lies that they tell so easily, to say nothing of the phony flattery. But the narc will have a hard time pointing to any verifiable positive accomplishments that weren't simply public gestures. Yes when working with public charities there actually have to be some genuine acts of contribution, but the narc will give that charity and make sure they capitalize on every ounce of it. The billboard or public persona of a narcopath is their most cherished possession. It matters more to them than their own partners. In addition there is no doubt that the narc also has personality, but they are devoid of the more important quality of character. So onto trying to find a solution to the target's problem and furthering that goal of neutralizing all influence of a narcopath on their lives. It might appear to an outsider that using pejoratives to describe a former partner and labeling them a covert narcissist is simply a jilted lover disparaging what they can no longer have. Sour grapes so to speak. But let's be clear, there is genuine disappointment, incredible shock and even horror when a person first discovers they have been lied to in every way imaginable 24 7 by a person who pretended to be there for them, pretended to care, pretended to love. For years or even decades. There is no easy way to reconcile your previous vision of reality while with a covert narcissist and the actual situation, the actual dynamic that was occurring which we now clearly comprehend. There is no easy way to cope with the harsh reality that a good portion of your life was based on a lie, a purposeful con job perpetrated on us by a person who was the incarnation, the epitome, the full manifestation of a lie in human flesh known as a covert narcissist. Yes the reality of what that narc did is incredible and even unbelievable to some people, but what does it matter what others believe. It happened. It was real. It happened to us. Yes, no matter how bizarre and nonsensical it is, covert narcissism is real. It happened right under our very noses and buried itself into our hearts and minds and psyches and even though we knew something was terribly wrong we never suspected how pervasive and extensive the narc's mental illness was, how deep the dysfunction in our partner ran. Yes we were also dysfunctional, but that can be forgiven. Had we have known the fraud being perpetrated upon us early on, had we been convinced without a doubt that our partner was playing a game and never loved us we would have tested and confirmed our hypothesis and set up boundaries to protect ourselves. But as it stood we chalked it all up to the narc being a good person who genuinely loved and just needed our understanding and patience. In retrospect it is clear that target was wrong, but was it really wrong to care enough about someone to love them and to hold on even in the face of adversity? No that wasn't wrong but when most of that adversity originates from the partner we genuinely love and not external circumstances beyond anyone's control, that holding on actually becomes a source of dysfunction for the target. Yes that narcopath gradually ramps things up and has a never ending supply of issues that need attention and then on top of all of that moves the goalposts. That narc is very careful and gives brief moments of respite in this push and pull manipulation. Yes the narc understands the need to every now and then throw a few crumbs of kindness and seeming love the way of the target to keep them hooked between the periods of abuse. Some call this a trauma bond. The end result is a targeted partner who becomes increasingly addicted to the narco paths approval. So the target loses all sense of reality and is placed into a death spiral. A never-ending cascade of unresolved issues of increasing complexity, quantity and duration eventually results in the target losing all sense of reality. So the abuse continues and the target simply accepts it all in the end because they have been conditioned to accept it. But all of this hinges on the false narrative that the narc actually loves and is committed to the partner. But of course we now understand fully that the reality of the situation is very different. Yes a sick creep who doesn't love or care and never did was simply playing a game, but it wasn't only for their own personal amusement and satisfaction, although that did play a role. That game was also played out of necessity, for the narc's literal survival. Never forget that the covert narcissist is themselves an addict feeding on the genuine love they elicit. Yes it is a game being played, and act being put on by the narc, but it's also important to note that narc has transformed themselves into a parasite that can no longer exist without a host, without a victim. So in the end the narcopath is a predator out of necessity. But isn't it curious that the victim is totally blind to it all? Yes the recurring analogy of the spider web, being enticed then trapped in a web, slowly encased in silk and drugged into believing that we are somewhere in paradise. In reality a predator has immobilized us and is draining us of our life force at will. So that is the reality of the situation. The target was chosen and victimized by a loveless, heartless, narcissistic creep so close to being a psychopath that there is hardly a real distinction if you look at the warped internal workings of their mind. That narc never cared one iota for the person they pretended to commit to. Yes that narc promised heaven and earth and in the end only ever delivered pure hell. So how could the victim be blind to it all? Well that is because the narc created a perfect false image of themselves in the beginning phases of the relationship that we never stopped believing in. The ideal partner that seemingly understood us in a way that no one ever did. A person who seemingly admired us and was appreciative of all that we stood for and did. That narc repeated again and again how certain they were that we were the one they had been searching for all of their lives. Yes that narc had issues, but they convinced us that we were the first people they had ever met that actually made them feel “right” and valuable. Yes that narc pronounced we had healed them and that gave us a deep sense of meaning and satisfaction. Wasn't that what true love was all about? Having a relationship that could allow both partners to heal and prosper? Yes, but sadly this was all a farce, a game. Some of us had purposefully delayed entering into another relationship because we had been waiting for the ideal situation and this appeared to be it. So we took the bait. The rest is history. Remembering the fact that we were victimized and lied to means that the bitterness and resentment and need for vengeance still crop up on occasion. Yes we absolutely have to eliminate all animosity, all toxic thought patterns if we are ever to find joy and peace again. In the early days of our recovery a painful memory triggered by nearly anything in our everyday lives rekindled our anger at the narc and they were once again in our minds. Then we thought of the incredible treachery and duplicity and the rage nearly burned up all of the peace we had worked so hard for and it seemed that all of our progress was lost. But we picked ourselves up from those setbacks and redoubled. Continually fighting and working on those toxic thoughts eventually made them dissipate and we learned to forgive. We forgave for our own peace of mind. We forgave because we refused to be a bitter human being for the rest of our lives. That narc stole many years of our lives but they wouldn't get another day. They wouldn't get another hour. No more of our lives would be wasted on the narcopath. At least that was the goal. Eliminating the toxic thoughts removed most of that narcopath from our consciousness, but we still had that image in our minds. That idealized image, the myth that narcopath created about themselves that made us believe in them, believe in their love, and have faith in them. But that narc we knew and loved was never a real person. That person we thought the narc was never existed and that fake persona was more real to us than it ever was to the narc. Yes the narc jettisoned that persona and moved on. They dyed their hair, changed that hair style, got a tattoo, moved to a new location, got another accent and a new lover and a new life. That narc fabricated a whole new back story and no one that now knew them was any the wiser. That sick creep even stole some of your positive attributes and beliefs and plagiarized them making them their own. But you are forgotten. That narc we knew and loved is gone and in actual fact never genuinely existed in the first place. That version of the narcopath is unlikely ever to return and yet we still have them in our minds and hearts. The narc themselves probably finds that quite amusing. But they have no intention of regressing to that persona again. Unless it is to their advantage. For the most part, it's all about change for the narc and that requires a new and a different persona, not revisiting an old one. The narc created that persona brick by brick as they studied us closely and the way to dissolve that image, that fake persona is to deconstruct that persona piece by piece, disassembling it and eventually seeing that persona for what it really was: as phony and valueless as a three Dollar bill. What about that idealized future you had, that ideal utopia where the narc was good and loved and you both finally achieved everything that had been worked for and promised? Well you are now in a position to customize that future to your own standards and likes and the great thing about that future is that you can actually realize it and make it happen. No narcissist necessary. No relationship needed at all. Yes there will hopefully be a genuine relationship at the end of the tunnel when we have healed and put that narcopath behind us. But for the moment we work on ourselves. We work on our own situation. We become someone of value that has something to offer. We refuse bitterness or to be a victim the rest of our lives. Yes we will have a bright future and that will be a future without a parasitic, ever-complaining naysayer that gets pleasure out of creating mayhem in our lives. Yes the bright future we have in our mind's eye is a future that will be realized alone, or with someone else. Never that narcopath. But that requires work and the work needed is to break down that narco paths fake persona until it is demolished and seen for the phony facade that it always was. True and genuine love is out there, but it will never be found with a narcopath. So now we need to be blunt and say it like it is: The narcopath is a nothing and a no one. Not sour grapes, just a fact. Not a pejorative, just an assessment of that person with regard to their impact, the actual and genuine impact they had on our lives. Who are we to judge? We were there. We are qualified. We were in the trenches and witnessed all of the horrors first hand. Yes the narc may have been our heart's desire, even when we knew in our minds they were pure poison. But we have recovered and we have our senses back. We had a close call with that spider, but we were discarded by that creature before it finished us off and managed to salvage ourselves and rebuild that broken body of ours. The covert narcissist is a nothing and a no one, but they convinced us that they were something and someone. We believed, we had faith and that was our mistake. Yes, when we finally wake up and understand and see clearly we observe the actual being behind that mask, and it's astonishing how insignificant that person really was. How mediocre in every way. Yes there were glimmers of greatness and perhaps if that narc had made different choices in their lives they could have been something. They could have been someone. They could have been a contender. But they weren't and they aren't. They may have actually been great and achieved. But they are a lowlife narcopath and their accomplishments over the decades of their lives speak for themselves. Oh yes the narc worked competently and even had many good qualities, but they were never loyal and they never really cared. The worst of it all is their treachery, congenital pathological lying and the philandering that hardly ever restrained itself. Sorry to say it's disgusting for a man to engage in infidelity but there is something that really turns the stomach when it's a woman that gives herself away. The insignificance of that covert narcissist is clear when we realize that everything we cared about in that person was a lie, an embellishment that bore very little resemblance to that narc's actual core beliefs and motivations. Yes the narc seemed selfless, devoted, a person who loved and had been hurt, and needed our genuine love to restore them, but the reality is they never loved or cared about love and they always manipulated. When we begin to see that just about everything about that narc that we admired was fabricated and that they are really such small petty fake human beings, we begin to realize it’s not even worth being upset with people of such insignificance. Yes they got us. They faked us out, but does that make them clever or significant? No. The real measure of a man or woman is character and in that category the narc not only falls short, they are an exceptional failure. Only the devil rewards liars, thieves and charlatans. In this world that is. The next world will be a different story for the narc if they don't have a genuine conversion and give their lives to Jesus. But make no mistake, even the devil has no respect for the narc. The narc is simply his puppet to do with as he pleases. No we shouldn’t allow insignificant people to have a huge impact on our lives. But first we have to see these charlatans for what they are. We need to acknowledge the reality of that creature behind the mask and let go of our own ridiculous belief that the fake persona was ever real, that the person we thought was something ever existed at all. But the narc you encountered had spent decades in a previous relationship. Doesn't that count for something? Well the devil is in the details and the reality of why that narc stayed had nothing at all to do with loyalty or love. But that previous relationship sure served its purpose to give the impression of a devoted partner who was loyal. There was much more to the story. Much more. But how was a target to know. In the beginning two plus two equaled four, or so you thought. Yes, everything fell into place and added up in the first few years of the relationship but we weren't really looking at the actual numbers and that is why things began to fall apart. In the end nothing added up or reconciled or made any sense at all. Yes the narc cooked the books, the books of your life, the books of your very future together and eventually that fraud was found out and it became clear the fraud was being perpetrated from day one. Yes in reality there was never really anything at all behind those numbers. They were fabricated out of thin air. It looked good on paper, but the whole point was for the narc to make sure you never verified. That was our mistake. Yes our mistake was to place faith and belief in a person who never merited it. Our mistake was assigning way too much importance on a person who was literally nothing but a bag of wind. We put way too much weight on and took that narc far too seriously. That narc was more than pleased to witness and absorb and solicit even more of our naive admiration for them and that made them think us a fool that deserved every deception they inflicted upon us. Yes that narc got supreme pleasure out of making us believe their lies. Notice never is any mention made of love. No that narc was motivated by pure malevolence and the pleasure of perpetrating a fraud on another human being. Yes the target made a huge mistake placing importance on that narco paths words, taking them seriously, respecting them. The target actually thought that narc had character, a moral compass, substance. Sorry, but no it was us projecting our own hopes for who they were upon them. There was no “there” there. Yes the discarded victim knows this for sure. They witnessed it. They saw. They know that it was all a lie first hand.

Yes the target made many mistakes. Mistakes of judgment. Mistakes of not being vigilant. Mistakes of not being discerning enough to get into the weeds and try to sort out all of the inconsistent narratives the narc was coming up with. Yes the narc was a liar. We knew that. But we should have realized that if they were lying in the small things they may have been lying in the more important things as well. Of course we now know that the narc was indeed lying in the important things and doing that on such a huge scale that it would have been unimaginable. The narc's lack of empathy was also apparent, eventually. The narc's disloyalty was also showing up here and there. But our mistake was never putting together the pieces and having a frank conversation. Yes the target made many mistakes, but they are forgivable mistakes. Yes the target erred on the side of giving the benefit of the doubt and in the covert narcissist's case that was like giving them a loaded gun. They used that weapon against us, didn't they? But love is meant to be blind and forgive and give the benefit of the doubt, so we can certainly forgive ourselves for having felt that way about another human being that we loved.
That situation is hopefully behind us and at present we need to concentrate on our recovery. That takes us back to the factuality that to fully heal we need that covert narcissist out of our head. We may be in the middle of repairing the damage that narc did and the adversity that is befalling us is directly connected to that narc's actions, so in that case we can't simply forget. But we can use that adversity to turn the narc's evil into good in our lives. It goes without saying that the toxic anger and bitterness that may well be justified also has to be eliminated if we are ever to achieve the goal of total erasure of the narcissist. That erasure is for our everyday thoughts, not our memories of the past. Those present intrusions of the narc on our peace are all about still not being able to fully believe it all. We still can’t fully comprehend the deception or the ruse. We still can’t believe that narc wasn’t who they said they were, and we still can’t get over the disappointment of the person having let us down to that extent. Because of this we still attach importance to that narc and it saddens us to diminish that narcissist. We really don't want that narc to be insignificant, we want them to be the person we saw in our mind's eye, we want that phony persona to be genuine. As for the resentment and need for vengeance, once we see that narc for the small insignificant person that they are we realize that they aren't worth our bitterness or resentment. No that narc took enough of our lives away and we will no longer allow them to ruin what is left. The narc isn’t worth taking the joy out of our life or being an impediment to our own contentment. So we erase them from our daily thoughts. Remember, those of us who never married the narc and share no children with them have no obligations to these people whatsoever. Yes we made promises to and plans with that narcissist as well and we backed up those promises with sincere intentions and actions. But the behavior of the covert narcissist absolved us of all obligations to them. In contrast, the covert narcissist has all of the obligation in the world to the target, being that they caused so much pain, suffering and destruction. But the target doesn't even want them to fulfill those obligations anymore. In fact the covert narcissist can't fulfill those obligations anymore, but that doesn't mean they no longer owe payment. That payment can now only be made by Jesus with the narc's full genuine repentance. Yes the target does eventually move on and any opportunity to make things right is no longer available to the narcopath. Yes even expecting the narc to pay isn't worth the effort for the target since it means keeping the narc in their active thoughts. That narc wasted enough of our time, they were a nothing and a no one who made us believe they were a something and a someone. Our vision of who they were and what they meant to us was never real and that happy future we were working for was never meant to happen. That future was simply a farce that the narc kept perpetuating, otherwise known as future faking.

So in conclusion, we need to see that covert narcissist for what they were in reality. We need to discern the actual positive impact they had on our lives. When we focus on that and that alone we see that there was never any “there” there. Yes it was much ado about nothing and whatever we thought of that narc was based on a fantasy, on a lie, on a ruse. We have lost nothing with the departure of that covert narcissist and if we work hard we will gain back ourselves, get back our lives. What we are doing by understanding the true nature and value of that narcopath in our lives is just the opposite of denial. We are actually seeing the truth clearly, uncovering what was actually going on. Most people don't want to live alone and because of that they are willing to put up with a partner's idiosyncrasies. But the covert narcissist took that tolerance to its limit and then used it as a license to abuse and use another human being. That is unacceptable, and the freed target should be very grateful at having another chance to do a relationship right. That target will never accept lies and inconsistent statements again. That target will see right through the gaslighting and simply remove duplicitous people from their lives. A relationship is a choice unlike having to deal with relatives, and that target will choose wisely or be happy alone. Are there covert narcissist that are something and someone? Absolutely. There are the ones that are self-aware and actually try to help others avoid being harmed by members of their kind. The rest of these creeps who continue to effectuate mayhem upon one victim after another don’t deserve an ounce of respect, neither do they deserve any sympathy. That extends, of course, to the very narcissist that victimized us and made us aware of something we would have preferred to never know about. We would have been quite fine never knowing about the existence of covert narcissism. That narc was devoid of everything required to build a satisfying, edifying, uplifting, healthy relationship that adds to our existence and allows us to become more than we could have ever been on our own. Yes, love is real, it exists and when the right partner is found it creates magic. But the narc will never have anything at all to offer towards seeing the reality or power of love in our lives. The narc is devoid of the very building blocks of a genuine relationship. They have no love, they have no empathy, they have no truth, they have no loyalty, they have no appreciation for us, they have no respect, they don't care and never will. Yes those crumbs of positivity they threw to us were like pearls to us and our actual pearls of genuine love were trampled under the narco paths feet. Pearls to the swine. We don't need that in our lives. We want a quality person who has the ability to love us and appreciate us for who we are. We want someone who is uplifting and supportive. We want someone who doesn't conjure up one dramatic event after another in unending succession. We want peace and stability and someone we can count on to be an actual partner. We were unlucky that the narc came into our lives, but we now have the ability to change our luck and avoid another relationship tragedy. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you End Comments: Remember that fully healing from the abuse of a covert narcissist requires us to divorce ourselves from these people to as great an extent as possible. We divorce ourselves from the anger and the bitterness and the need for wanting to see them pay. We divorce ourselves from the emotional impact that the memories of all of that abuse invokes. We simply refuse that past abuse to have any power over us at all.

We also divorce ourselves from those so called golden periods and see them for the fraudulent manipulation that they were. We see everything associated with the narcissist as phony and fake and no longer worthy of being emotionally engaged with.
We look at that narcopath and every second we ever spent with them with detached amusement. Yes it happened to us but those events have been drained of any meaning or consequence in our lives. In a way it’s sad to neutralize whole years and decades of our lives but it is necessary, since it clears the path for us to form meaningful attachments and meaningful experiences with genuine partners in our present and future. It allows us to have potential contentment and actual genuine memories and experiences that we can look back on with fondness. Yes things can get back to normal again and we can look back at past events in our lives just as we did before the narcopath ever entered our lives. Previously, we looked at our whole lives as a learning experience and cherished each and every one of those past moments, good and bad, as key events in our lives that taught us important lessons. But that attitude was used against us when a person with insincere intentions decided to play a game and use every good thing that we had in our lives against us. Someone who purposefully capitalized on our kindness and genuine love. No, that chapter of our lives doesn't qualify as a learning experience to be looked back at with fondness. That time with the narc was simply a mistake that did us very little good, a waste of our time. So we acknowledge the narc and their presence, we don't deny, but we drain that time of our lives of any significance. We cut our losses and move on. The narc couldn’t be happier than for us to dwell on the abuse and the fraud that they perpetrated on us. It makes them feel significant and important. The narc can't help but admiring their own “handiwork” in someone else's life. We will deny that to these creeps, neutralize their significance. Instead we move on and stay alone or surround ourselves with quality people. Replacing the narc is easy. Removing the damage and toxicity is the part that is hard and prevents recovery as well as clouds our judgment and makes that narc far more important than they have any right to be.

Will the Covert Narcissist Return, Are They “Watching” You? Will the narc return? Are they thinking about you? Are they keeping tabs on you? Every single targeted victim is interested in having answers to these questions. Every single victim wants to know and after a discard even needs to know. Definitive answers to these questions are almost meaningless, since each and every narcopath and each and every relationship was different. So the answer is complicated. A healed victim is as emotionally detached from the answers to these questions as possible. They simply don't care what the narcopath is doing or what they are thinking. They want these toxic creeps out of their minds, out of their headspace, and out of their hearts. A healed victim simply wants a full mental and emotional divorce to go along with that physical separation. But that is a difficult task for the target that was victimized by a covert narcissist. The reason that target has so many problems achieving this goal is because they were abused and traumatized, they were assaulted emotionally, psychologically, mentally, and possibly physically. They were lied to and had incredible treachery and fraud perpetrated against them. That all creates damage that needs to be repaired and emotional baggage that is very difficult to unload. But those issues have all been resolved for the healed victim. On the other hand, the freshly awakened target has a long road ahead of them, a journey of discovery, a steep learning curve. A newly awakened victim needs to learn what the actual dynamics of that fake relationship with the narcopath were. That target always assumed and incorrectly assumed that their partner actually loved them and cared about them, was an actual human being with an emotional attachment, was a person who actually invested themselves into their partner and the relationship and the future to be shared together. Maybe they were. Maybe this was just a normal relationship that ended up in an emotional train wreck. Maybe that target was a victim of unintended circumstances. Yes, that ex partner of theirs was a good person placed in a bad situation. They really did care. Right? Every single one of those possibilities is hoped for by a victim whose partner ghosted and went no contact. A partner who left without explanation and suddenly had a new relationship and flaunted it in ways to make sure that the targeted ex partner received maximum pain and damage. All of this done purposefully, by design, carefully choreographed and executed to strike the most devastating blow possible while at the same time ensuring that the discarded ex was given no recourse, no ability to respond whatsoever. No opportunity at all was given to receive any answers as to what just happened or receive any feedback. Yes that ex partner was shut out, and the strict policy of no contact ended up being just another form of abusing that ex partner. Yes that narc and their weasel partner had a bonding experience straight from the inner reaches of hell. Yes the weasel partner actually convinced themselves they were noble to do damage to another human being they never even met, all based on the word of a pathological liar. The very notion of interjecting yourself into a relationship and preventing a discarded partner from getting any closure and then thinking they are deserving of that relationship is the height of wickedness. So the answer becomes glaringly obvious: No, that covert narcissist never loved or cared. That covert narcissist wasn't a good person placed in a bad situation, they were an evil person displaying their true nature. No that covert narc wasn't out of their mind, they were in their right mind. Certainly the excuse of “not being yourself” evaporates years and months after the discard, doesn't it? The big tell is that years later the narc is still lying just as before and continues to not have any feelings of guilt remorse or display any evidence of a conscience. Covert narcissism confirmed. Just like the wealthy Ponzi schemer or the bank robber who destroyed the lives of numerous people saying they were not themselves at the time and yet they continue to live in the luxury given to them by those ill gotten gains. The actions of these filthy creeps show quite clearly that they feel justified in having that stolen wealth that came at other people's expenses. They feel deserving of that wealth and of course the lip service they give of not being in their right mind costs them nothing. No that narc would never actually admit they were wrong or ever even say they were sorry, even disingenuously, because that would actually cost them something. Back to the target. Directly after the discard and during the triangulation that discarded ex isn't pondering covert narcissism and they are most likely not even aware of this condition. They see their partner as an average person who must have a real reason for acting the way they are and saying the things they are saying. All that ex is focused on is trying to understand what would motivate someone to behave with this level of wicked and evil indifference. The target's main question to themselves is what did I do to deserve this? What was I doing wrong? How did I fail? Surely those actions of the narc ex have some justification, some rational explanation. Yes there has to be a reasonable explanation to account for a partner who shifted loyalties like a light switch and transformed into a stranger overnight. Yes that ex partner is more than willing and even wants to understand where they went wrong. The narc and their new partner supply the answers in a social site smear campaign and strangely enough that victim takes those accusations to heart. Later the target understands about the bizarre phenomenon of projection: accusing someone of doing to you what you actually did to them. Yes think of the absurdity of a narc and their new partner actually accusing the discarded partner, who is alone, of being disloyal and not serious about the relationship. But the confused victim in the early stages actually takes this absurdity to heart and believes it. Any answer is better than no answer. The target actually gets some relief when they can blame themselves for it all. But that is before the victim finds the truth in the rubble that was previously called their life. The victim's frame of reference, the very foundation of their life, including the meaning of that life and the direction that life was headed for in the future, is literally blown into a thousand pieces. So a salvage operation is started and the victim has to literally gather and hold onto as many as possible of the pieces of that previous existence that are still functional. Strewn among the shattered remains of that so called relationship and life together are some pieces of a puzzle that the target never really scrutinized. Yes those white lies on closer examination reveal a far more sinister intent. What about the life that partner lived in your absence? Well all of the sudden a veil is lifted and those clues form a very different picture that seems to illustrate that the narc was already searching long before they left the relationship. Yes every now and then the narc let it slip that they may not have been portraying you as an ideal partner while in your absence. Yes at ground zero, when your whole life changed in the blink of an eye, the narc showed themselves for what they were and that painful revelation, that glimpse into the heart of the beast was the key to unlocking all of the mysteries of that past relationship. So the ghosted partner eventually learns the painful truth, comes to grips with that truth and heals. That healed target, having searched for and found the raw facts of that association with a treacherous creep otherwise called a covert narcopath comes to only one conclusion: They made a huge mistake engaging with that narcopath. Yes that target is no longer a victim and they have simply boiled down that association with the narcopath as a mistake that they fully take responsibility for. The conclusion is crystal clear: That target is grateful it is over. In fact that target tells themselves: “Thank goodness it's over”. That target got their answers and their closure and strangely enough, it was far better for them to never have gotten any honest answers from the narc. That healed target has rebuilt their life and has a thick, nearly impenetrable wall surrounding the narc, in effect making them a non entity. No that wall isn't built to surround the target, it simply encapsulates the narcopath, like the body would with a pathogen as it does in Tuberculosis. Yes the narc I was with did make three appearances after the discard, mostly to terrorize and threaten in an effort to silence me on my own social site. On one of those occasions the narc literally told me that they never loved me and in retrospect even though the intent was to do additional and further damage, it was actually the truth. That narco paths last attempt was years later and that was a much more practiced presentation, but the lies were now so obvious to me. That final appearance actually gave me the rare opportunity to observe a narcopath tell verifiable lies in real time and show that narc contradictory evidence to what they had just said. It didn't seem to phase that creep one bit, there was a “tell” however and I won't disclose what that was. Yes this meek presentation was formulated after an especially nasty trolling campaign by an anon that threw every fabricated accusation possible at me. I wasn't taking the bait, but neither would I stand down. In the end that troll was blocked and I knew exactly who it was. Within weeks the narc walked through the door. Coincidence? Well anything is possible. The point to be made is the half-hearted fake attempt to give “closure” three years out was laden with lies and deception. No, in retrospect it is very good that narc actually never gave any honest answers when they were sorely needed. Yes a freshly discarded partner would hold onto any feasible explanation, believe it and move on. But the fake reasons given by the narc in their one way smear campaign fall apart when we actually begin finding out the truth. So onto trying to answer the questions of is the narc watching you? Will they return? Well we are talking about an ex partner that has shown themselves to be a narcopath without any doubt left. Yes multiple videos have discussed the topic of how to tell if that ex was a bonafide covert narcissist and that is our starting point. If you aren't sure, none of the following applies to your situation. So let's be blunt: the narc never cared about you and never loved you. That creep never presented themselves as a genuine human being with genuine likes and dislikes. Sadly those so called fake likes and later love as they applied to you were also phony. It was all an act, and I am sorry to say that feigned fascination with us and shared interests and beliefs they had with us were also all a sham. Yes the mirroring idealization phase is simply the narc baiting their hook. Then we get to the devaluation. Yes, on the other side of the coin, that narc's dissatisfaction with us and endless complaining and moving of the goalposts was also based primarily on fabrication. The hamster wheel we were put on. The endless cycle of trying to please. That unending striving that we engaged in to gain stability and peace. Yes everything always promised to be just around the corner, with just a slight bit more effort. That struggle we were purposefully made to go through was also a sham. The actual so called relationship that in every sense of the word appeared to be intimate, appeared to be emotionally, mentally, physically genuine was all a ruse. So that narcopath never cared about us at all while in the relationship. What was their motivation then? They were in it for themselves. To manipulate, to deceive, to gaslight, to lie, and eventually confuse another being to a point that they had power over them. This was simply the narc extracting fuel from the target. In the beginning it was positive energy and at the end, in the devaluation and discard phase, it was all about capitalizing on the power that the vulnerability of genuine love gave the narc over their ex partner. The narc reveled in and fully extracted every ounce of energy that came from the power they were able to wield over another human being. The narc felt a surge of incredible grandiosity as they toyed with a confused ex partner's emotions and confirmed to themselves their utter superiority that would place them so far above another human being. Yes those sick twisted ghouls actually got intense satisfaction out of making another person suffer. Then they “moved on”. Yes they departed on a plane, a healed “victim”. They were taking no one else's baggage. Of course they had created baggage for many people during the course of their lives, hadn't they? But that doesn't count. It is forgotten, erased. They discarded the unwitting “weasel” who never had a clue as to the way they were being manipulated, and finally met the person of their dreams in the location they had envisioned living in their whole lives. Neat and clean for the narc. In fact that narc fully convinced themselves that they were deserving of all of the good things this world had to offer. Yes they were getting what was earned by them after years of so called suffering and so called abuse. They felt fully justified in never thinking about the ex partner that they projected their own wickedness upon. OK. So do you really think a person with this mindset is revisiting and mulling over the past? Thinking about the ex? No that ex is only useful to the narc in telling those they seek to deceive about their own past abuse. Covert narcissists posing as damsels in distress or angry misunderstood rebels with hearts of gold are irresistible to the uninformed. So where does this leave us? Well the victim does eventually heal and has absolutely no need or desire to see that narc again. That sad chapter of the target's life is an embarrassment. Yes the target clearly understands what a mistake they made, how foolish they were. The in-glory of that narcopath in all of it's detail makes that target sick to their stomach when they contemplate actually having gotten anywhere close to that twisted warped excuse for a human being. How on earth could the target ever mistake this creep for a valuable asset, see them as a worthy partner? How on earth could that target be so blind that they actually perceived that tragic relationship as the best thing that ever happened to them? Well in the midst of the spider web, under the influence of that narco paths toxins that web might seem to be a paradise. All the while that target is being immobilized, wrapped and encased in silk. Being prepared to have every last drop of their life force sucked out of them. Sucked dry. So the target has hopefully learned their lesson. The narcopath has gone their way, they've moved on. Good for the last target, maybe not so good for the next one. Yes, that narc learned their lessons as well and realized they needed to be much more covert and more importantly discard in a way that preserves the next discarded partner's dignity. So the weasel was dropped with a velvet glove if they weren't exactly what the narc wanted. Maybe the narc got lucky and the weasel was a long term prospect. But no long term commitments were made. More likely the weasel simply served their purpose and freed the narcopath to find a high value target. Remember it's never about love with the narcopath. For a woman it may well be a clueless old fool with too much money, or a man of means that was broken by a previous relationship. Either way that female narc will find a stable situation that gives them something they want. The male narcopath will most likely just pursue someone that is simply different from their present partner. Even narcopaths end up being deluded by their own lies and the “replacements” they choose for their devoted and sometimes beautiful wives and long term partners hardly qualify as superior in any way. Yes, that new partner may be younger, but for the most part that partner is a downgrade. Yes, an exciting immoral, promiscuous relationship makes the stable consistent and reliable partner of years seem bland. Yes that partner, male or female, was perfect for the majority of that narco paths life. That person allowed the narc to be a “home maker” or a “family man” and that gave huge benefits. Yes, it is important to keep in mind that the narc doesn't confine their deception to a relationship, in fact the narc's specialty and the thing they cherish most is their public persona, their “billboard”. Of all the things that narc changes in their lives, they do try to project a stable, moral, coherent, and consistent public persona. But even that public image is often radically altered if necessary for the narc to remain socially conscious, socially relevant, and on the cutting edge. Sometimes the narc simply changes their social profile and re creates themselves with no one being the wiser. But the narc's actual public identity will be built into a seeming monolith, incorporating every publicly known event that they ever engaged in. After all public personas can be embellished and exaggerated with very few if any people actually scrutinizing the charlatan. Think about the clown who spoke broken English and still convinced others he was a Rockefeller. Yes outrageous lies that are doubled down on provide a cover for some of the most preposterous scams and deceive even the most intelligent and discerning people. So the narc moves on. But the question is will they return? The other question is are they watching you? The short answer is only if it is to their advantage, only if necessary. Remember, that narc was never “stuck on us” , or loved us or ever had any intention whatsoever to actually commit to us or be loyal to us. The narc sees themselves as royalty, as above it all, while at the same time feeling intense shame and inferiority. Yes that's insane. The narc was simply fixated on us. We were a person to conquer, to deceive, to overpower with the most outrageous lies that became increasingly more unbelievable as the narc trapped us further and further in that web of theirs. Why? Because the narc continually has to affirm their own superiority over another human being, because they aren't comfortable with themselves. Deep inside the narc knows they are damaged goods and the only way to feel better about themselves is to damage those around them. Yes being superior for the covert narcissist is simply a relative term. Burn down another person's mansion and your Cape Cod now becomes a mansion in comparison to that pile of ashes. So what would bring the narc back to our doorstep? Well that narc would have to be brought to their knees and then to their stomach. That new idealized partner might have been the greatest tragedy that ever befell the narcopath and now they are left with nothing. They may be in debt. They may be wounded by their own act of treachery in a new setting. They may have health issues. All of the sudden that partner, that bland boring partner is seen in a new light. Or maybe the ex has rebuilt their lives and the narc simply can't resist “going at it again”. Yes, the saying “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me” is mind candy to a narc who is now bored with a current situation. Maybe the narcopath, seeing that you have rebuilt, will simply want to “stir the pot”, or even worse destroy what you have rebuilt. Notice that none of these scenarios has any benefit to the target at all. Yes some targets will make the foolish move and actually give that narc a second chance. Make no mistake, if that narc gets what they want, either having once again deceived you, or they are once again healthy and functional, that narc won't be able to resist giving you the shaft once again. But never until they have secured a new partner. Yes the narc always has a “plan B”. That narc may spend the rest of their lives with you, but that's only because “plan B” isn't better than what you have to offer. Make no mistake, after you had every last ounce of energy extracted from you in the discard phase, you were out of that narco paths thoughts. Yes, that narc moved on and they were fully engaged in their next stage play, excitedly fabricating their next exciting phony persona. Nothing excites a narcopath more that re creating themselves in a fresh setting. No the narc was too busy to be thinking of you. Oh, but you were on the verge of total collapse? Well to the narc that's your problem. It doesn't concern them. In fact you are none of their business. But once that new exciting scenario has been fully realized, every now and then the narc will need a “boost”. No, you will never know about it. Yes they will occasionally monitor your social sites and try to garner any information possible. Your tragedy will be their pleasure. But the narc really won't put that much effort in. They are busy with their own lives, after all they are in the idealization phase and they have left their past life behind. The persona the narc faked is erased and the partner of that fake persona, you, are erased as well. As far as the future is concerned the narc is already looking at many other prospects (targets) to improve their present situation (otherwise known as their current relationship). No, you aren't a priority for the narc at all, unless you have something to offer that none of the current prospects have to offer. Under those circumstances and those circumstances alone will that narc try to rekindle the “romance”. Now of course the target has hopefully done their homework and realized that the past relationship that is presented to them as paradise on a moonlit beach was actually a cesspool and no, that doesn't seem appealing to the target at all. Yes that target should say “no thank you” to that offer. But the narc will give it a go if they think they can get away with it. Even if only to get you to agree to get back together. But if the narc knows you are wise to them, they won't even put the effort in. You will never see or hear from those creeps again. So the bottom line is that the healed target couldn't care less about what the narcopath is thinking or doing. It has no relevance to them. They see that narc for the incontinent, unreliable, sack of filth that they are and will not waste another second of precious time on them. Does the narc watch? Who cares and quite frankly we wish they would go on and live whatever excuse for a life they have gotten themselves into and NOT watch. We aren't watching them. We don't want to know and we don't care. We have paid our dues and more importantly we have hopefully learned our lesson. Yes we made a mistake. Yes after the breakup the target is intensely interested in what the narc is doing, wants to believe that they are important to the narcopath, wants to believe the narc is watching. Because the target does care and they still love. But the narc never cared and they never loved. Maybe they are watching, maybe they will one day return, but if they are a true narcopath they will never return if it isn't somehow in their own interest. It will never be because they cared or loved. Or had any guilt or remorse or empathy. It will be for the most twisted reasons. Reasons so sick that you don't even want to understand, because there is nothing to gain from understanding. Yes that partner may not have been a narc, maybe they were a person with good intentions, but that explanation is off the table if they engaged in triangulation and continued to abuse after they left. Yes that type of activity is unacceptable and proves that your partner never did anything but use you. It might be forgivable, but that is only because we accept the fact that narco paths are mentally ill. We forgive because we don't need toxicity and negativity in our lives. We forgive for our own peace of mind. Yes, God told us to walk away, leave the vengeance to Him, and to even try to forgive. We didn't understand then. Now we do. So is the narc watching? They may or may not be. Is the narc going to return? They may or may not. The more important questions are do you care if they are watching and do you care if they will return? More importantly do you ever want to see or speak to these creeps again? Don't misunderstand, it's totally normal to care about that narcopath, that is a function of our love and the bond we had with them. But that bond needs to eventually be broken for us to fully heal and get ourselves back. That severance has no time limit or schedule that must be followed. Each target needs to get to that point at their own pace. For the healed victim it is clear that these demons have nothing to offer, they add no value to life and no, we aren't interested in doing anymore blood donation just to see that blood spilled on the ground with glee. We will invest in people who need and want our help and who appreciate what is given to them. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

What Lies Beneath the Mask of the Covert Narcissist:

Metaphors are used to describe the covert narcissist for good reason. Metaphors are the easiest way to get another human being to better understand what the internal workings of a covert narcissist and the effects of their actions on others are all about. Metaphors cut to the core and simply give the reader the closest experience and comprehension possible. They create the nearest approximation to the actual emotional atmosphere inside the narcopath and give a good idea of what motivates these demons. These depictions can be cartoonish and even appear to be outrageous, but on closer examination, yes metaphors are the simplest way to present the information and get others to comprehend. Calling a female narcopath a black widow ( a tag my ex partner actually seemed to enjoy when I ascribed it to her while in the relationship), is far more efficient than getting into the cumbersome details that end up giving the same impression. Calling a male narcopath a vampire says it all without describing the use and abuse or the way a narcopath drains us of all of our energy and puts us under a spell. The Bible uses parables all of the time to describe things that can't be described in earthly terms, in addition to using metaphors as tools to more clearly illustrate a concept that might otherwise be difficult to understand. So we are given a good example that correctly used, metaphors can be beneficial and worthwhile. The person using these metaphors may not be using them properly, but that is a different discussion. So yes, metaphors are useful, but they are also vulnerable when used by people trying to make a serious point. Yes, many can simply view these metaphors as embellishments, as exaggerations and not even bother to listen to the message. So a balance has to be reached and to do this we describe covert narcissism using both realistic precise language and use the metaphors to keep the narrative flowing and not bogging down. There is no clean way to present covert narcissism without forgetting the actual impact this condition has on the targets that are victimized. Sure, we can put on our lab coats and get out our clip boards and be clinical about the subject, or we can give a PowerPoint presentation with bullet points and all. Yes, this cleans things up, but is this the help that a broken victim can hold onto and absorb? Does this give peace and actually bring practical resolution to all of the unanswered questions? Does it even begin to address the emotional damage and disruption created by these covert sacks of filth? Maybe for some it does, but many victims need practical advice and they need to hear the unedited, unsanitized version of events. They need the emotional issues addressed on an equally emotional basis.
Yes we call covert narcissists who purposely victimize a target that never showed them anything but kindness creeps, we call them sacks of filth, ghouls, call them depraved, twisted, sick, misguided, childish, immature. We call covert narcissists liars, corrupted, perverted, degenerate, treacherous, and yes we call them evil. Some of these descriptions are metaphors, others are simply describing what a covert narcissist actually did or how they acted. To give one example, treachery is called treachery because someone actually betrayed our trust. Perfidious says it all about the narcopath as a partner but that has little emotional impact. Yes, every single synonym for perfidious is spot on for the narcopath: treacherous, duplicitous, deceitful, disloyal, faithless, unfaithful, traitorous, treasonous, false, untrue, double-dealing, dishonest, two-faced, Janus-faced, untrustworthy, false-hearted, double-faced, truthless, Punic. But sometimes its best to call these covert narcopaths lying cheating sacks of filth. That gives all of the description that we need when a point needs to be made efficiently. Calling a narcopath evil is another thing altogether because it implies judgment. But even most secular people would agree that it is important to treat other people as we would like to be treated ourselves. We all speak about the good that exists in everyone and want to believe this is a fact, so let's briefly look back to any person's childhood. We are all born with the innate capacity to know right from wrong. Children are born with the capacity to lie, cheat, and steal and they are also born with the ability to know that these things are wrong and to try to do good. So somewhere along the course of that narco paths existence they did know the difference between right and wrong and they did make a conscious decision to embrace their own dark side. To ignore doing what they knew was right. This behavior and that decision has created the adult narcopath that does all of the damage they do without any guilt, remorse, or trace of conscience. Yes we call these people evil because they are. They decided to be evil because they refused to do what they knew was right. But here is the chilling thing about it, at least from my individual experience: These narcopaths have become so depraved that they actually admire and embrace evil people and consider them superior. To extend this one step further, these narcs, knowing they have exposed themselves, manifest their own evil without filtering it at all and what you see boggles the mind. You see a creature that isn't even human, a being that doesn't even have the veneer of decency since it knows it can no longer pretend. A being that knows it is evil and in it's own twisted way is proud of being evil. Yes I actually witnessed this first hand when the person that was my supposed refuge from the harshness of the world fully embraced their dark side without any filter at all. A person that I thought just hours before was a good person who had been hardened and warped by bad breaks in life and needed to be understood ended up casting away that person I knew them as like a mask, and replaced my beloved with a demon in human flesh. That creature was a life-form that was based on a foundation of evil, not good. A being that drew it's energy from being evil and had a mindset that would clearly allow it to do any act it could get away with. No different than the worst perpetrators we all hear about in the news and that make names for themselves. Yes beings that live in a negative universe, where evil reigns supreme. Yes, covert narcissists know full well that they need to pretend to be like the average human and have to pretend to be a person who lives a life based on a foundation of doing what is right, what is good. But that is only an act, to get along in the world. The narc still knows right from wrong and although they have fully embraced evil they do understand they need to give the appearance of propriety and decency, the appearance of believing in doing what is “right”, and the appearance of being against what is “wrong”, for them to continue feeding on victims. Yes the narc does what is necessary to continue victimizing people and that means first and foremost being seen as a “good” and even an “exceptional” human being. Covert narcopaths highly value their false veneer of decency and philanthropy, and expend enormous efforts in maintaining the projection of their false aura of being a charitable person. Nothing matters more to the narcopath than public opinion, how others see them, their “billboard”. Why? Simply because it gives these heartless ghouls the positive energy they can never get enough of, energy they can never generate on their own. Publicly that narc feeds on and in some ways with the advent of social media actually becomes addicted to how the public sees them. This energy from others will be taken any way it is given in the form of attention, admiration, and if possible even adulation. But very little of that attention is gained honestly or merited. Sharing on YouTube and Twitter is encouraged and actually helps content creators but it has limited if any value on certain other sites which are based primarily on individuals sharing their own content. This was true of the social site site that my ex partner was addicted to. So, on that unnamed site, the narc took from others, even while giving those people credit, because in the end it was all about the covert narc bringing attention to themselves. Yes, posting what others had created and calling this a tribute to them still got the narc attention and was a subtle way for the narc to flatter and praise social site celebrities. The narc I knew shamelessly “shared” the posts of others and was licking the boots of every famous person that might possibly take notice of her. In fact she lured in the weasel new partner with precisely this method in tandem with of course making sure she posted some “innocently” placed pictures of herself on her site as well. Sad. So the narc will always publicly give the appearance of being a good and exceptional person, simply because it gives them the most attention or positive energy possible and the relative expenditure or cost to the narc is minimal. Only the bare essentials are done to maintain their false persona that everyone assumes is genuine. But the creature inside is a very different animal altogether, with a belief system and motivational forces that would shock most people to their core. This facade of exceptionalism is however never extended to those closest to the narcopath. Yes these “chosen” intimate partners get all of the bile and vitriol and experience emotional, mental, psychological and possibly even physical abuse. Yet each and every one of those people who are close to the narc still somehow in their own way believe there must be a good person deep inside waiting to get out. Someone who just needs a little bit more love and a little bit more patience and understanding. Nope. Mercifully, many victims never see that creature behind the mask and that spares these people additional trauma. But those of us who did experience the pure unadulterated malevolence, the palpable evil still could hardly believe it. We wanted to be wrong. We desperately wanted to believe the narc was simply “not in their right mind”. But no opposing evidence ever came. On the contrary, the triangulation with the new partner and the continued abuse simply reinforced the fact that these cretins literally revel in perpetrating evil whenever they can get away with it. In my personal experience, months and years later I have still not witnessed an iota of remorse or guilt in my ex or any evidence whatsoever that these creeps have a shred of a conscience. But one thing the healed victim does see and see very clearly when one of these creeps decides to make a visit years later: They see before them an unrepentant pathological liar who couldn't tell the truth if their lives depended on it. I strongly suspect that I wasn't the first to see the creature below my partner's mask. This woman made vile threats to others and never once even thought anything wrong with what they had done. Yes when my partner told me she had “taken care of a problem” I would have never suspected in a hundred years the way she “solved” that problem of hers. But I have a very good idea now. Yes this creep did the unthinkable in the way that she threatened and never had an ounce of remorse for it. To hear her talk of it you would assume there was nothing to be remorseful for. But it was an error to assume that the problem was solved like a human being would solve it, not like a demonic thug would. Yes what we saw below the mask was the real thing, the core of a warped twisted narcopath. A person capable of anything and having no problem getting a good nights sleep. The only limiting factor is the fear of being caught and publicly exposed. No this wasn't a “flash in the pan”, a “one off” brought on by circumstances, it was an unmasking plain and simple and a revelation of the true nature of the beast. A full on face to face encounter with the genuine being that inhabited the flesh of the person we thought was our partner. That being lives there 24/7 and was there long before you met the narcopath and will most likely be there until the end. So how is the mindset of a narcopath really all that different from that of a psychopath, other than being overly concerned with image? It is my sincerest hope that the person I encountered is one of the worst of her kind and that most of the other covert narcissists out there are far less harmful. Yes, even a person with a limited capacity for empathy and limited capacity to feel remorse or have a conscience will hopefully follow some watered down version of a moral compass. But that is only a hope. Others will need to give examples of narcopaths that actually cared enough to try to limit the damage to another human being. Others will need to give examples of a covert narcissist with genuine remorse or one who had a genuine turnaround. I have yet to hear of such a narcopath. To sum it all up, what is it that we have a glance at, what is it that we see and all of its in-glory when we look at that narcopath without their mask? Yes that is a metaphor, we don't actually physically “see”, but we do feel the strong emotions, the strong vibes emanating from the creature. Vibes that the average covert narcopath cloaks, and masks so carefully from the outside world. We feel palpable evil and malevolence that is devoid of even a shred of decency or kindness or grace or compassion. A being filled with unwarranted hatred and devoid of even the smallest trace of love. No the narc has no love whatsoever, because they are an entity that bases their existence on evil. The narc doesn't love others, they will never love life, because that requires being satisfied, content, and at peace, and they don't love themselves. The narc can't love because that would require them to acknowledge the importance of basing their lives on the light, basing it on trying to be good, not on the darkness. That being we encountered that has no compassion, mercy, or any feelings whatsoever for anyone else but themselves is the self same being that we thought loved us and believed loved us. Never in a million years would we have suspected that it was all a lie. The truth is we were intimately involved with someone that would ruthlessly destroy us if necessary as long as they could get away with it. We made ourselves vulnerable and placed all of our trust, all of our hopes and belief and faith in someone who knew they were evil and they were even proud of that fact.




Yes, on the turn of a dime at “ground zero” when the target sees the unimaginable, a covert narcissist whose mask has fallen, they can't believe their eyes and they refuse to believe. It's simply too much to absorb, to take in. But time and healing gives clarity and eventually we can process and comprehend what we were looking at when we got that unfiltered glance into the heart of darkness. Yes, it may be years later, but eventually we know exactly what we were looking at. We were face to face with a creature who truly believes that it is good to be evil, who truly believes that lying is just fine. A person who doesn’t have a trace of conscience or remorse. A person who simply played a game and pretended to be someone who we thought we could love and rely on. Yes, we now understand what we were looking at and understand it much more clearly today than all of those years ago. How can there be any redemption for a person who has made the foundation of their entire existence the exact opposite of love, of kindness, of respect, of truth, of compassion, of mercy, of grace, of generosity of spirit? How can there be redemption for someone who has based the whole foundation of their lives on evil and not good?
We all have to take the journey of finding out the truth if we are ever able to get ourselves back. Maybe for some of us the truth is that our partner is basically a good person who made a mistake. That is the outcome every single victim wants to have. Good. But for those of us who now understand that we saw what we saw under that mask and no evidence to the contrary ever came, we also got our truth. Yes despite our best wishes and giving every feasible positive interpretation to what we found out, we still had no other possibility than to conclude that our partner was a covert narcopath. Yes, let these people go away, go far away and never come back and let us hope that the damage they would like to do to others is curtailed and limited. That person's fate is out of our hands. We aren’t the judge, we aren't the jury, and we aren’t concerned with their punishment any more. All we can do is warn and give people the tools to identify and avoid covert narcissists. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. End Comments: When you boil it all down, the essence of your association with the covert narcissist was simply one thing: It was a waste of your time. Everything associated with that covert narcissist was a waste of your resources. The time and effort you put in to trying to understand that narc when you first met them. The time and effort you put in to try to make things better for them. The time and effort you put into planning a future together. All wasted. Yes in a way the narcopath actually stole the substance of your life on this earth. While in the relationship and sadly, long after.
No we won’t even get into the destruction of your life, the incredible emotional pain caused, the hopelessness that the narc inflicted during the whole of the relationship and that was exponentially ramped up at the end. No doubt, the actual pain and suffering caused by that narcopath's abuse during the relationship is what produced most of the damage for the majority of victims. But in a strange way, nearly as much and for some victims even more damage is done in the few hours and weeks after the “unmasking” than all of the harm done over the course of many years. The wickedness of the triangulation can be nearly unbearable. Yes, the aftereffects of that abuse, the post traumatic damage to your psyche, is what gave rise to the inability to heal and delayed you from being able to move on. So, because it took so long to heal from that abuse that was additional time that was wasted. There’s nothing more valuable on this earth that we have than our time and therefore ultimately the narc stole our lives. Yes the Christian understands that this world is “not where it's at”, but that doesn't at all diminish the importance of our earthly existence.
We can't change the past. The only thing we can do at this point is make our best attempt at making something good out of a bad situation. Try to create good from the evil that the narcopath brought into our life. God helps. In fact, one of God's many talents is that He can create good from evil. So sometimes we just need to get out of God's way.
Yes, at the end when the narc was “done” with us they couldn't exit with grace, like a human being. The narcissist, being that they never cared or loved, actually put a great amount of effort in to destroy us. But instead they brought us closer to God. Instead, they forced us to focus our minds. Instead, they forced us to become people we never aspired to be, with a level of maturity we really didn’t even want to have to go to. The result of all of that is that our lives have the potential to be far better than they were before the narcopath, far superior. But those gains should never be credited to the narcopath. Those gains are the result of our own efforts, the help of God, and the help of any other people that were kind enough to help us get out of that incredible hole we were in. One Solution to the target's problem: Be aware that we have a tendency to attract “fruit loops” and an inability to recognize them for what they are. When one of these people starts flattering you, head for the hills. Get far far away, if not physically at least emotionally.

The Cost of Covert Narcissism Part 2: The Covert Narcissist's Secret to Success: The covert narcissist's guide to lying: The lie will serve you well if you respect it and never betray it. Don't be fooled by the world that sees the lie as wrong and the truth as good. That philosophy is for fools and as a covert narc you will never be a fool. Yes the lie will give you everything as long as you never betray it or turn your back on it. Yes the lie is a jealous partner and expects full allegiance. In fact the lie expects you to be wedded to it. Some truth is allowed, but only in service to the lie, to make the lie more believable. So here are your rules: 1. You must fully embrace and love the lie, see it's beauty. 2. Never Hesitate: Don't ever waiver when lying. When questioned go into even further detail and make the lie even more elaborate. 3. Remember, most people in this world do give homage to the truth and are therefore wavering in their recollections. The cardinal rule of the pathological liar is to be adamant and 100% certain of your version of events. The beauty of this cardinal rule is that it gives you almost god like power to fabricate reality out of thin air. 4. Just remember: Don't EVER betray the lie or admit to having lied. Trust the words of the lie: Sin doesn't exist, you are allowed to do anything that you please as long as you can get away with it. But don't ever admit to having lied. That and only that is sacrilege and may set a precedent in your life and make you just like all of the other mortals that are subject to the truth and not protected by the lie. 5. Remember: The lie is your best friend, your protector, your mentor. The lie has given you everything that you ever wanted. Without the lie you would be nothing. You would be a mere mortal. You would be vulnerable. You would lose all of your advantages. 6. Don't ever forget who your enemy is: the truth. You see what the world is like and those people who believe in the truth are like sheep for the slaughter. To use another metaphor it's a dog eat dog world and only fools living in a dream world would make themselves vulnerable and be committed to the truth. You are a consumer and it is your right to take everything possible from the fools who think it is wrong to lie. Those people are your rightful source of fuel. So remember as a chosen one, you MUST be loyal to the lie at all times or you risk losing everything. 7. Just remember the lie has made you what you are and given you superhuman abilities to recreate yourself, who people perceive you as being at any time and in any setting that you choose. The lie has made you strong and allowed you to never make yourself vulnerable or dependent on any other human being. The lie has given you your whole existence. 8. Last but not least remember this: The lie has made you everything that you are. So there you have it in a nutshell: The narc's secret to success now fully revealed. Of course there is a glaring omission. Never is any mention made of any cost whatsoever to the narcopath. Yes that narc's lies frequently caused the narc to lose jobs, relationships, money, trust, and reputation. But the lie glosses all of that over and the narc faithfully listens and believes. No mention is ever made of the value and necessity of credibility. Yes, credibility is the “coin of the realm” in human interactions. A parent who loses credibility with their children loses all of the efforts they put into that child and loses authority in their lives. An employee who loses credibility becomes a liability, someone who needs to be removed. A partner who loses credibility destroys the very foundation of a healthy relationship and fractures the very important bond that makes a relationship valuable and beneficial. Yes in every single arena of human existence, and we have just mentioned a few, trust is everything and oftentimes the only important thing when we interact with another human being. But the narc takes it all to the limit and thinks that a veneer of honesty gives them the freedom to engage in their wicked impropriety. The lie gives the narc a false sense of security of stealth or invincibility and that gives the narc false confidence. That false sense of their own abilities and what they can get away with hangs the narc up every time. You would think that someone whose wickedness has cost them so much when it was found out would finally wake up and see the futility of being a fake phony fraud. Yes in the end the gains given by the lie are unfulfilling and no ill gotten gain will ever have the ability to give joy. Something that is undeserved never ultimately gives satisfaction or peace or a sense of accomplishment. Only genuine achievements that we know inside that we deserve and have worked for and have delayed our gratification for gives us a genuine sense of accomplishment. A life genuinely devoted to a child in which the parent actually denied themselves the pleasures of life, not one in which adultery occurred with many different partners throughout that child's development is what gives that child confidence in the parent and imbues the parent with authority and credibility. Devotion and dedication and commitment to a job or relationship and genuine concern which proves itself over years is like money in the bank. That equity is the fruit of genuine efforts and accrues interest. It becomes a reputation. That faithfulness and chastity and dedication can be faked, but only temporarily. The proof is that genuine devotion and commitment prove themselves over time. A fake phony commitment, a veneer of faithfulness and chastity eventually wears thin and gets exposed. Once exposed the narc loses all of their ill gotten credibility and all of the lies in the world can't help the narcopath. The narc knows that and you would think they would learn their lesson after losing credibility time and time again. Yes the proof is always in the pudding, where the rubber meets the road, over time. In parenting. At the job. In a relationship. No we won't mention religion. Even a covert narcopath should know their limits and we would hope that at least consciously they won't ever try to pull the wool over God's eyes. Just to be clear God sees everything, He is aware of every intricate detail of our lives every motivation of everything that we do. So the foolish narc loses all of the most important things in life. That opportunity to be a parent and make a positive difference is destroyed. That opportunity to make a difference in the workplace and all of those positive contributions are overshadowed by the destruction the covert creep leaves in their wake. The relationship that is damaged because the narc can no longer be trusted has the potential for repair. But trust is easily obtained the first time, then hard to regain once it is lost. Yes, the narc is given one second chance after another and eventually they destroy that relationship beyond repair. How does the narc cope with all of this loss? They simply tell themselves that the jobs and the relationships were not important, were worthless, and are fully replaceable. In fact they entered every one of those jobs and relationships never intending to actually invest in them anyway. Yes the narc never values or cherishes or invests in anything. They only take. They only fake the appearance of contributing or giving. Yes right from the very outset the narc never has any intention of actually staying for the duration. Not as a parent. Not as an employee. Not as a partner. Yes the narc will stay at a job or in a relationship if it is beneficial to them and they can maintain their veneer of dedication. But all bets are off when a better opportunity comes along. Yes the narc's closest ally and best friend, the lie wants nothing from the narcopath at all. Sure. The cost of the lie throughout that narcopath's life is glossed over by the lie and only the so-called benefits are highlighted. One day that friend of the narcopath will expect payment and the cost to that narcopath will be their entire existence. Eternity paying for the dubious gains given to them by the lie. Only Jesus can help the narcopath. The all knowing narc never suspects who “the man behind the curtain” is, who “the father of lies” is and what his true motivations and purpose are. Yes, Satan was defeated by Jesus on the cross when Jesus willingly gave up His soul, releasing Himself from His body. So it's a source of amusement that people would actually deify a being that has already been defeated, and get on the losing team. Yes it is game over for Satan and all of those who follow him. Satan is simply being allowed to still influence the human race. So it all boils down to one thing: God exists and the truth matters and will always defeat the lie. Yes the crowning achievement of the lie is when the truth can be told in the middle of a deception and the dupe doesn't even understand what has been told them. Yes the lie spoke one truth and that is that it made the narcopath everything that they are. Sorry to throw a wet blanket over the narc's perfect world. To end with some even harsher reality. We've all heard of famous people, musicians, actors, or any person with accomplishments and acclaim, having supposedly made a deal with the devil for their success and achievements. Well, the narc has also made that deal, whether they knew it or not. But the narc sells their soul for pennies on the dollar. The narc gives themselves away cheaply. No tangible benefits come from that sale when it comes to the narcopath. The narcopath may be allowed to get away with their depraved treachery time and time again, but is that really worth the loss of their soul? Of course the targets and every single victim of the narcopath get no benefits whatsoever. Well here is the only bright spot in this gruesome scenario: No one actually sells their soul and everyone has the possibility of redemption. But that requires sincerity and being genuinely remorseful. Those who have been given over to a reprobate mind and are unreachable most likely had many chances and opportunities to change their ways, but they refused. So eventually they lost their chance. Eventually those reprobates can't even understand or believe the simplest truth or warning and that seals their fate. Yes, in the end the reprobate scoff at everything and simply can't even understand what is comprehensible to a five year old child. But they did that to themselves, didn't they? They march to their doom with a continued arrogant swagger and have nothing but disdain for those who warn them. That smirk and the attitude behind it will cost them eternal life. For what? Pennies on the dollar. Believe it or not yes, pennies on the dollar. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

End Comments: Is the narcopath evil or are they sick? The short answer is that they are both. We all have times when we are not at our best. This is usually a result of life's pressures and us not being prepared for them. Yes, sometimes life throws us a “curveball” and we strike out miserably and don't even have any grace about it at all. Yes, we all do and say things that we regret later on. Some of those thing could even be construed as evil. So we try to make amends, we feel remorse, we beat ourselves up and we allow our conscience to guide us. The narcopath is different in that they do evil things purposefully. Yes even a narcopath become more viscious and treacherous than originally planned when placed under pressure. But that narc never feels remorse or heeds a conscience. Sometimes they even feel a sense of accomlishment for what they were able to pull off. Never is any thought given to the repercussions on another person's life. It's all about the narc and only about the narc 24/7. So it ends up being the narc's attitude about the evil things they do that makes then evil themselves. Is the narcopath mentally ill, insane, sick? Yes they are because the motivations of these creeps are nonsensical and dysfunctional. Remember the narc has made themselves what they are; they chose to be evil, chose to ignore whatever pangs of conscience that they felt, chose to even be proud of having perpetrated their treachery and gotten away with it. Yes the narcopath is mentally ill, because even after having plenty of time for self reflection and introspection the narc sees noting wrong in themselves. More importantly, the narcopath's toxicity does real damage to those that interact with them. Worse than that, the covert narc seems perfectly sane and rational and no one could even suspect that they are evil. Yes they are “covert” after all and self centered always focusing on themselves (narcissists). Combine the two and you get a sack of filth, otherwise known as a covert narcissist, a “narcopath”. Yes, the victim didn't have a clue. They couldn't see the evil in their own partners and they couldn't see the bona fide mental illness. No the narc wasn't just “crazy outrageous” in their actions, attitudes, and embellishments, they were mentally ill game players, evil creeps, and pathological liars. The covert narc wasn't a troubled person who needed understanding, they were a a person suffering from insanity, but that insanity incapacitated others and hardly touched the narc at all. Yes the victim was clueless, but the mask dropped and the narc showed themselves and this created confusion. The internal dialogue of the victim defended that narc, but the pieces of the puzzle came together one after another and over time there was no longer any doubt that the narcopath was evil. Imagine someone faking love, commitment and loyalty all the while having no respect for their partner's humanity. So yes the victim finally sees that covert creep's wickedness. But that gives no relief, it causes anger and rage. Time heals and that victim sees what the problem really was: the narcopath was mentally ill. That explains it all and the explanation works wonders. It eases the pain and allows the victim to heal at an even greater level. No, the narcopath isn't absolved, they are just seen as someone that we should have never taken seriously. Not when they love bombed us and not when they ruthlessly denigrated us. Yes in the end we see that narc as the small insignificant person that they are and that allows closure.

The Cost of Covert Narcissism Part 1: Maturity dictates that a person should have and take personal responsibility, rely on other people to the smallest degree possible, and most importantly blame no one for the problems in their lives. Yes all of us have had a unique life experience and some of us have had many more obstacles than others. Yes we give people with histories of poor and possibly abusive parenting, and also those with physical and mental disabilities a partial or total pass. They have a legitimate case to make for blaming life's circumstances as the cause of some of their problems as adults. But how many of us actually had ideal parenting? Yes the younger the generation, the more their claims of parents letting them down becomes feasible. Modern day parents are increasingly becoming more selfish and self-centered and aren't providing their children with the psychological and possibly physical support that is necessary and needed and because those parents aren't putting the effort in and the child is aware of this, those parents lose much of the authority in that child's life. But is that the end of the story? No. Remember about personal responsibility and part of that is not copping out and doing as you please because your parents, in your opinion weren't there for you and failed to supply all of your needs. But many of the young do exactly that. These people think themselves to be off the hook because mom and dad weren't perfect. OK. So how much debauchery are these young people going to indulge in before they ruin their own chances to be successful, mentally healthy, and physically sound adults? It should be noted that none of this video applies to anyone who had one or both parents who were covert narcissists. The emotional baggage and dysfunctional thought patterns that covert parents inflict upon their children can and does have the ability to cripple someone for life. The exception to this rule is when those children of covert narcopaths become covert narcs themselves. In many ways covert narcs who saw the dysfunction of their covert parents and were well aware of how wrong that way of life was really have no excuse for having embraced their parents lifestyle. Yes covert parents can create the most devious covert narcopaths of all, with experience that starts by observing covert narcissism early in life. No, these covert creeps do not get a free pass and in addition they get no sympathy whatsoever for the abuse they suffered as children. Why? Because these ghouls “payed it forward” to innocent people who never deserved the treatment they got. That neutralizes any claims of childhood abuse or using that as an excuse. That is my opinion, of course. Back to the subject: Yes an increasingly higher percentage of the young are engaging and indulging in a hive mind attitude that most if not all adults are unworthy of respect and are viewed as not having authority. So even those young people with good parents, who were there for them, begin searching for excuses to join the ranks of their peers in having the opinion that adults aren't worth listening to. Well to be clear not all of the young are this way, but the point is too many are this way and they are using their parents as an excuse. Nothing comes without effort and sometimes what we want in life has to be worked for and immediate gratification has to be delayed. That requires being willing to deal with adversity and holding on even in the face of stress and sometimes persevere under conditions of suffering, suffering that may even be self imposed in the pursuit of a goal. Yes whether people like it or not, in the end they are the product of the choices they have made. Choices to do what felt right, choices to discipline themselves and delay gratification, choices to listen to or blow off the wise counsel of adults who cared and were worthy of authority, choices to dwell on being let down by adults and using that as an excuse. Yes those with physical and mental disabilities do get a free pass. None of us of sound mind and body should ever pass judgment on those people. But those people with manufactured disabilities and manufactured childhood abuse are not off the hook. They can and should do better. So we reach adulthood and decide to put the past behind us. We do work for a goal, we do delay our gratification. We turn our backs on the foolishness of our youth and get serious about life. This can occur at any age, but the point is eventually we all need to get to that place. We get to a point where we think we are ready for a relationship. We meet someone and believe this could be the one, but we stay tentative since a relationship is complicated and both people have to be able to offer something and meet someone else's needs. So maybe things work out and maybe they don't. Maybe we have several relationships that just never gel the way we feel they need to. In every single circumstance we look inside ourselves and try to understand what went wrong and how it went wrong. Maybe we didn't understand what love and commitment were. Maybe we made a foolish choice in a partner who we had nothing in common with. Maybe we needed to work on ourselves. Maybe we needed to understand what it took to be a worthy partner. Unfortunately we may have married too young and realized that things simply couldn't work out. Yes sometimes a person we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with simply wants it all their way and doesn't cherish the relationship. Some partners marry with the hope of simply taking it all for themselves and never have any real intention of compromising. Some partners are simply so selfish that they make the other partner miserable and slowly that partner loses themselves, in the end becoming useless to themselves, their partner and possibly even society. Yes when in a committed relationship or marriage with a person who never actually committed to us and never really appreciated us for ourselves or even loved us we find ourselves in a relationship with a person who can only take, never give and never buildup. So sadly we need to part ways with that person. The relief of freeing ourselves from these selfish self centered abusers gives us a new lease on life. A new lease in which we realize that it's much better to be alone than in a bad relationship. Yes we learn and grow and endeavor to be very careful in ever making another commitment. We learn the need to know someone at a deep level and make sure there is a degree of compatibility before a lifetime commitment is made. So it may well be that we never take the plunge again and prefer being alone. Yes we believe in love and all that it entails but our life situation and the responsibilities that life places in front of us means that we may need to be patient. We may even need to accept the fact that we will be alone for the balance of our existence. We learn to have the attitude of stoicism: being grateful for everything and expecting nothing. Yes we take responsibility for our lives. Many of us freed ourselves from a covert narcissist without even having ever been aware of this mental condition. Or maybe that ex partner was simply pathologically selfish and had a limited understanding of what it meant to love and commit. The thing is we understood that we were with a person who was destroying our individuality and trying to enslave us. We felt ourselves slipping away and the proof of it all was that we simply couldn't function, we were increasingly losing more and more confidence in ourselves and our abilities. All of this at the hands of a person who was joined to us. Why would someone undermine a partner when the sabotage of that partner meant that the relationship as a whole and by association the underminer themselves would be destroyed? It didn't make sense. It was tough to understand. So that person who was being subtly abused got out and took the responsibility for having made a poor choice. But they did this only after putting in a huge amount of effort. They took their commitment seriously, but in the end, after having exhausted all options and putting in every effort it was clear what needed to be done, but that needed to be a mutual decision. So after much discussion and debate and looking at things from many different angles it was mutually agreed to part ways. No doubt was left in either partner's mind and both partners were comfortable with their decisions. No regrets. The key for the person having been given a second chance was to make sure to be very careful in the next partnership if there would ever be one at all. This may have meant that many opportunities for the taking were passed over due to the shell shock of that last relationship. But the key was being personally responsible, looking inside ourselves and needing to fix ourselves before we took the plunge. It was all about us building ourselves up into a person who had the capacity to give, to offer something of value in a relationship that was mutually beneficial. Yes love has the ability to take us to the next level of human existence and achieve things that we never thought possible. The encouragement of a supportive partner who loves and is committed to us allows us to make real those things we always imagined were possible for us to achieve. So we do have the goal of another relationship in our mind's eye. Working towards that goal we strive to become a positive, mentally healthy person. It's clear we need to have something to offer, something to give, something that can be of value and cherished by our future partner. So after never having quite met the right person we take years to build ourselves up preparing for that special person if they should ever come our way. Responsibilities first. To our loved ones and to our job. We meet the challenges that life places before us and we try to take God's will for us into account as well. So maybe it is meant for us to be alone for an indefinite amount of time. Yes we have learned stoicism, enduring adversity and being alone but always hoping for that partner we have prepared for. In my case months before the arrival of that narcopath something inside of me told me there would be a “Sea Change”. I somehow “knew” without understanding how, that a person would enter my life and become my partner without me lifting a finger. Within 6 months the narcopath walked through the door. Was the narcopath the one? Not to my way of thinking but her insistence and that so called premonition seemed to convince me that this was that thing I had the ambiguous hunch about. Make no mistake, there was caution and a vetting process of this person. There was transparency on my end and I wanted my financial situation, what I was able to offer fully disclosed before any firm decision was made on her end. She seemed unconcerned about money, citing the fact that she had more than enough of her own and for both of us. Sure. Just another one of those easily told lies. The reality was she knew from the outset this was all just a temporary game. So what did money mean? She would say whatever was necessary to give the impression of being a serious partner. Of course the ruse extended to the future faking, one of the hallmarks of covert narcissism. Yes my priority of having to have compatible ideas of what the rest of our lives would be like was also something she fully agreed with. Having mutually shared and agreed upon goals for the remainder of our lives together played right into that creep's wicked hands. All of my questions were answered and the certainty of that person, their unwavering and comprehensive pronouncements of me being the person she had been searching for all of her life made a convincing argument. So the relationship began with the strict understanding that she needed to be 100% sure and that a lifetime commitment was made. Yes we would not get into a relationship at all if we didn't both have the certainty of getting married. Yes that woman agreed to it all. Yes she was a narcopath. Yes the outcome was preordained. Yes the resultant upheaval of my life was catastrophic. No an outsider doesn't need to tell me what a fool I was or how it should have been obvious. No, this creep wasn't “the one”. But that premonition about the “Sea Change” was spot on. I had just joined the ranks of the legions of targets that had been victimized and abused by a covert narcopath. Those who had the comfortable stable world they had built for themselves nearly all destroyed. Yes that was a world that could use some additional excitement, something to happen, but it could hardly be called a boring existence or even an unfulfilled existence. Yes many if not all of those targets did have something to offer and thought that the narc was the one who finally appreciated all of those efforts at building themselves up. No. The narc simply saw a source of energy, a person they could quietly work their magic on and then depart when they had satisfied their depraved bloodlust. Yes the narc would take it all and the bulk of the cost would be borne by the discarded victim. Nice and neat for the narcopath. Devastating for the victim. Yes those victims are incapacitated and all of the normal psychological repair mechanisms, all of the self introspection and willingness to take personal responsibility actually works against the healing process. The endless cycle of self blame and head scratching and trying to understand what went wrong begins. But nothing makes sense. Yes we want to take blame, but nothing we did ever warranted the treatment, the incredible depraved and calloused abuse that the narc directed to us. Then we discover covert narcissism and slowly the pieces of a puzzle come together. Years and decades of taking personal responsibility need to be thrown out of the window in this particular situation, if we are ever to find the actual source of what just happened to us. Yes in this rare circumstance the only way out is to find out the truth. Maybe that partner wasn't a covert narcopath. Maybe we are to blame for what went wrong, or at least partly to blame. Yes we always keep that possibility open. But time and the words and actions of that covert narc make our conclusion almost undeniable. So we place the blame where it belongs: on someone else's shoulders. Yes we were conned, we were deceived,, we may have even been naive. But then again maybe we were vigilant and saw the lies, saw the lack of empathy. Of course those revelations came later, when we were already fully intertwined in the relationship. Maybe we were studied in psychology. Maybe we did see glaring deficiencies in that narcopath. But the fact that we weren't aware of covert narcissism means we can forgive ourselves for almost all of that tragic encounter. But being that we are interested in taking personal responsibility, what was our role in that relationship? Yes, with all of this talk about personal responsibility, where does the target's actual responsibility come into the conversation? What exactly did the target do wrong? It ends up being one thing: The target believed the narcopath. That was the mistake they made or sin they committed plain and simple. The minute we add even one additional word or sentence to that statement, the minute we expand that narrative, the blame once again shifts right back onto the covert narcissist's shoulders. So we stop right there. Just to give an example, if we say we were mistaken to believe in the narcopath that is true, but the implication is clear: It implies that the narcopath let us down, and of course they did. Another example is that we could say it was our fault that we believed the covert narcissist's lies. Certainly outsiders are always telling us it was our fault that we were so naive, so easily willing to believe. But the explanation we are compelled to give always leads down the same road. Those naysayers are making comments on a situation, a very personal and intimate interaction between two people that they have no knowledge of whatsoever. So we are then once again forced to get into the details of covert narcissism. That involves discussing the dark warped malevolence that would cause another human being to have motivations the average person could never conceive of. It requires us to explain the incredible deviousness that would make a seemingly sane person invest in a false and phony persona and invest huge amounts of energy to make the target believe all of the lies the narcopath associates with their false charade. So again the focus is placed on the narco paths wrongdoings. To get around this, we simply tell ourselves we believed the narcopath, that was our transgression. To my mind at present that is the culmination, the end result of the healing process. That is the final conclusion that allows us to go on. We do this once we are healed and have fully accepted that sole mistake that we have made. Getting to that determination meant investing all of our time and efforts into understanding why we believed the narcopath and realizing that we were victimized. Part of coming to that realization meant analyzing our own personal situation and understanding how we could possibly believe in the good of someone who was just pretending to be good. So we go on with our lives and put that sad chapter of our existence behind us. Yes we have gained an education and we paid a high price for that knowledge. We will put that knowledge to good use in the future. Yes many of us have reached the Autumn of our lives and are approaching the Winter and we will endeavor to make the best of what is left. Those younger victims have their whole lives ahead of them and the key for these people is to realize that although they are far more impressionable and in a sense were more vulnerable to the covert narcopath, they are also more resilient. The darkness does fade and it is possible to fully purge ourselves of the toxic mindset and relationship patterns that the covert narcopath purposefully inflicted upon us. We just need to learn and become aware. Yes the young often suffer much more emotional and psychological trauma and have fewer tools to combat the pain that reaches deep inside, but they have resilience and plasticity. Keep in mind that no human, young or old, that has just recently been discarded by a narcopath can be reasoned with or even reached. The truth takes time to absorb. But remember others have been where you are. Others have felt the incredible pain of being abandoned and hopeless with no way forward. We get as much emotional support as possible from those around us, knowing full well that they will never understand. We learn from those who do understand. People who may have never even met us. We slowly pull ourselves out of the deep dark place that narcopath left us in. We meet people in real life who may never understand but they assist us simply by being there and doing what they can to help rebuild our lives and that restores our faith in humanity. Remember you believed the narcopath, that is all you are guilty of and after going into all of the necessary details you will see that it wasn't your fault at all what happened to you. Also remember that no partner is required to be perfect, but they are required to be truthful when they make a commitment and pronounce their love. You were truthful, the narc wasn't. Every human being on this earth is allowed to rethink things and dissolve a relationship, but the commitment made requires at least some effort to give feedback and some chance for a partner to make things right or at least be informed of what went wrong. Well of course no truthful answers will ever come from a narcopath and the reasons for their departure will never be disclosed. No the narc simply leaves, goes no contact without the slightest understanding of why. Conversely that narc will come up with a lame and nonsensical excuse. The answers become clear for the victim from other sources. Yes the truth that the narc either never talks about or simply lies to us about needs to be found elsewhere and independently, from other sources. The answers are unbelievable and come as an incredible shock. The narc never loved us, they never cared, they were never committed. Yes the person the narc portrayed themselves as and their attraction to the qualities we worked so hard to cultivate in ourselves was all a lie, a farce. Most every pronouncement that came out of the narc's lips was either embellished, purposefully inaccurate, or an outright fallacy. Yes the whole relationship was an intricately fabricated stage set, a game and that narcopath never had any regard for our humanity or anything we stood for at all. Yes the pre-planned game was played and the narc was going to win. The stage had been set for the narc's next phony fantasy and we were cast as the naive fool who deserved to be a victim. A person who had the audacity to actually believe we were worthy of the narc seeing us as their equal. Yes those of us foolish enough to expect truth, respect, and to be treated like an equal deserved to be given a rude and painful awakening when the narc finally asserted their god-like sovereignty over us and departed. That narc felt it was their full right to deplete us of nearly all of our life force. That meal they took was the cost of us having the privilege of being in their presence. The narc created the perfect environment that gave them the feedback their bloodlust required. Yes by fully capitalizing on the natural love bond every healthy person bestows upon their partner and withdrawing that relationship suddenly the narc gave themselves an aura of superiority and that feeling was pure energy for them. Yes that narc in the end fed off of the pain and distress they caused their ex partner, while oftentimes simultaneously getting huge amounts of positive energy from a new partner that aided them in their abuse of the ex. So the damage is done and the discarded partner can't understand and is totally shocked. The steep learning curve of understanding the dynamics of what happened to them leaves the targeted victim no choice but to fully study and comprehend the dark twisted world of covert narcissism. The repair process goes through ups and downs leading to rage, despair, hopelessness and feelings of utter worthlessness. Some of these covert creeps add to all of this by threatening the target with even more abuse. Those threats could be physical, financial, or psychological. What makes these threats so powerful and real for the victim is that the victim is already doubting their own perceptions of reality, making them extremely vulnerable to believing in even the most remotely feasible dangers. Yes when the foundation of your world has been destroyed and shown to be a farce, you become functionally paranoid and unable to trust almost anything anymore and give feasibility to even the most remote possibilities. So yes those “benign” threats are like a loaded gun being aimed right at your head or the head of a loved one. That metaphorical gun is something you never handled or were ever exposed to. You saw that level of violence as something you would never be anywhere near. But unbeknownst to you that violent malevolence was right beside you, rooting itself into your very heart and soul. Yes that evil narcopath seemed like your best friend on earth, the only person who “got” you and an angel of light. The nightmare that ensued obfuscated the true nature of that parasitic beast as it rooted itself deeper and deeper into your psyche. Only at the time of discard did the true identity and nature of that creature become visible. So naturally there was a shock. But the target goes on, picking themselves up day after day and makes painfully slow progress. Adding to the problem is that no one cares to understand. So the sad fact is that most of us have to go it alone. Sometimes each day seems to be more of a struggle than the last even when the progress is clearly visible and things are getting better. The adversity that these covert creeps bring upon their victims produces incredible emotional pain that manifests itself in many different ways and often seems to come out of nowhere for no discernible reason. Other times that pain is triggered by something that directly or even indirectly brings back a memory of that narcopath's abuse and this can legitimately be called PTSD. All of this creates an atmosphere of hopelessness even in the face of progress. But we go on fighting for hope, fighting for faith, fighting to regain ourselves and our self confidence. No, success may still not be guaranteed so we persevere and do what we did so long ago: delay our gratification. Not that we want to, but because we have no choice. We have work to do: on ourselves, on our finances, on our attitude. No we aren't good for anyone right now but we work to be good for someone in the future. Yes help in the form of a partner may well be on the horizon and that person may take us the rest of the way to being back to where we started before the narcopath. But for now we need to continue on with no guarantees. Yes that narc stole years of our lives that goes far beyond the actual duration of the relationship and it is up to us to heal ourselves and put back the pieces of our lives. It is up to us to rebuild better than before and make the healing process move along as rapidly and efficiently as possible. Yes it all goes back to taking personal responsibility while at the same time realizing that nothing of what that narc did to us was deserved or warranted. Yes it was fully the narc's fault and responsibility for what happened in that relationship, but it's fully our responsibility to repair the damage to ourselves and our environment. So the cost to us is huge, but the gain will be ours as well. The narc will no longer steal the fruits of our labor or victimize us and that is a good thing. Make no mistake, that narc was a tragedy and even though we will be better off after having rebuilt ourselves that isn't the point. The narc robbed us of years or decades of our life and caused immeasurable emotional pain and distress of indescribable intensity and variability and of unbelievable duration. Yes adversity can make us stronger and more complete people, but let's be very clear: We would have been much better off if that narc never darkened our doorstep. The gains we make are totally a result of our own efforts as well as the help of other people and for the believer, God showing us the way. Yes for some of us we would never have made it without God's support and guidance. So even if that tragedy of covert narcissism ended up benefiting us in the end it's absolutely no thanks to the covert narcopath. The narc was a flood, a fire, an earthquake or any other natural disaster or severe illness that forced us to reach inside ourselves and reach out to God. But that disaster should never be seen as anything but the tragedy that it was, something we would have been better off never having experienced. So what about the cost of covert narcissism to the narc themselves? Well that has been discussed previously. Our love for the narcopath ran deep and couldn't simply be turned off. We were deeply invested in that person and their welfare. We cared very much about that narcopath and even in the middle of that abuse we saw clearly what that narcopath was doing to themselves in their acts of depraved treachery. Many of us warned those narcs and our efforts were scoffed at and portrayed as transparent ploys to manipulate. OK. So the target did what they were supposed to do, did what their genuine love for that covert creep dictated for them to do. Yes the target does have empathy and does care, but when it comes to the narcopath they can wash their hands of the situation with a fully clean and clear conscience. They can quarantine or even erase that narc from their thoughts without losing an ounce of their integrity or kindness or empathy. Yes the victim has only the damage done by the narc to focus on. The victim is forced to focus on themselves simply to survive. The target has accepted the responsibility for believing the narcopath and sees that this is the extent of their responsibility. That truth is empowering and healing. It is a truth that peels away all of the layers of toxicity and emotional baggage and gets to the very heart, the essence of the target's problem without attaching any emotion. That truth frees the target and convicts the narcopath. The narc has made their bed and now they sleep in it and the victim knows for sure they can do nothing to change that narco paths gruesome fate. It is not the target's problem or responsibility what happens to the narcopath and that is because the narcopath made it that way and wanted it that way. So the narc gets what they want. Yes the saying be careful what you wish for because you may actually get it never rang truer. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

End Comments:                                                                                                                                        The covert narcissist doesn’t understand that life is based upon an honor system. Frequently the way to happiness, joy, and fulfillment is the hard way, the counterintuitive way, a way that would make no sense. But our responsibilities force us to take that path. Only later do we understand that the hard way was the correct way.                                                                        The narc has a childlike vision of the world. They take whatever they can. They see the “bright shiny object” and just have to have it. Yes they take all of the whole low hanging fruit and then they see some more fruit that doesn’t belong to them and steal that as well. To the narc's way of thinking, that is there’s the secret to success.                                                                                                                                                 But the narc that’s lived decades of their existence with this philosophy has nothing to point to, no successes. Frequently, covert narcopaths are the most unhappy, miserable, angry and bitter human beings on earth. Those who live behind closed doors with these creeps can attest to this. The complaining and lack of satisfaction with just about everything is sickening. Literally. What makes a narc happy? A fresh piece of meat, otherwise known as a new target to victimize and feast on and finish off to the bone. The narc leaves only scraps. Those scraps that remain are all that the victim has to work with in the beginning stages of rebuilding their lives.          The narc is a parasite because they refuse to do the things necessary to generate their own happiness and joy. So the narc can only take. One of the narc's many talents is to give the appearance of being generous and of giving while in reality they are receiving far more benefits than the costs that they incur.

The narc can only steal from others and because of this any so-called accomplishments or just flimsy fake versions of the real thing.