Why We Give Up on the Covert Narcissist: Giving up on someone isn't easy. When you have loved someone and wrapped your whole existence around that person giving up on them is the equivalent of killing a part of yourself. So yes, you could twist that and say there are selfish reasons for not being able to let go. But that is the line of reasoning of a covert narcissist. Of course the victim made themselves vulnerable when they should never have done so. Of course they misplaced their faith. Of course that victim misjudged the situation. But does that now mean the target of the covert narcissist should place all of the blame on their own shoulders? Does this mean that because that target invested themselves into the narcissist their inability to let go is only because they care for that investment? The narc thinks precisely along those lines. The narcissist also gets an ego boost and perceives that inability of the target to let go as a testimony to their own superiority, their own greatness. But is that a way of looking at life? Does this way of thinking work? The narcissist believes without a doubt this type of twisted warped logic works very well. For them. But for this life view to work the narcissist has to omit everything that doesn't fit their narrative, has to minimize or deny their own culpability and place all of the blame onto the victim. More importantly, the narcissist has to breach the unwritten contract, the agreement that was reached in the genesis of that relationship. Yes the unwritten contract of being in a relationship is to make a commitment, to be there for each other and to make the best attempt possible to work things out when there are disagreements. It should also be noted that in many cases all of these things were discussed in high detail and verbally agreed to before any relationship was ever even pondered. Yes, the narc agreed to it all, never meaning a word they said. So when the implicit contract of a relationship is even made more firm and explicitly agreed to, you don't just walk away and give up when the going gets tough. Part of being in a relationship means holding on, trying to understand. But the narc twists it all and calls it selfish to not allow them to simply switch partners, to walk away when they get bored. Yes all of society is based on numerous unwritten agreements. So if we lived by the rules of the covert narcissist all society would break down. No one could trust anything or anyone. Yes, just do as you please whenever you please. Damn the rules, the narc is above them all. Their mantra is “do as thou wilt”, the primary law of the Satanist. Now sadly, a victim that has been “given the treatment” by a narcissist and is in the devaluation phase of the relationship will believe themselves that the narc has valid reasons for all that they do. That includes emotional, psychological, and in some cases physical abuse. That includes justifying the covert narcissist leaving at the drop of a hat and not needing to give any explanation or have any concern whatsoever for the target they have now tired of using and abusing. That includes being made to feel selfish for not simply letting go when the narcissist is done with us. But of course much has been omitted. Our attachment for that narcissist isn't all about us per se. We actually cared about that person. We saw their flaws and even though we weren't aware of covert narcissism we were aware of many of the elements that made the covert narcissist defeat themselves. Yes as a partner who had made that lifetime commitment to a very deeply flawed individual we felt it was our function, our obligation even, to try and get them to a place of peace and contentment. A place that admittedly we wanted to spend with them. We saw that person's potential and wanted to help them achieve it. But that was before we knew anything about covert narcissism and could even conceive of the fraudulent situation we were in. That narc neither cared about us nor had they made any investment or commitment to us. It was a game for the narcissist. An act. A performance. But even after that narcissist was gone and before we understood the game that was being played, the ruse perpetrated upon us, we still deeply believed in that vision we had of who that narcissist could be, the good that was inside of them. We believed they loved us and shared our vision for the future and we genuinely felt that the narcissist was losing something of substance: the love, concern, and investment that we had made in these creeps. Yes we were puzzled at the time. How could the narcissist simply walk away from all of our efforts? The answers came later. That covert narcissist was in that relationship for the experience and the experience alone. Our efforts, all of our heart and soul that we poured into that individual were of no value to the narcissist. Yes they were useless garbage and so were we. So we were simply put out on the curb like any garbage when our purpose had been served. The narcissist wanted us removed from their presence, thoughts, and memories. They had a new stage set up and the role of their partner would be filled by another “chosen one”. Yes, sadly you would simply be omitted and erased just as easily as all of the important details of the relationship that point to the narcissist having been a fake and an abuser. Oh yes, you were omitted, but your role as an abusive perpetrator would be retained. No, that narcissist wasn't done with you just yet. You were needed to seamlessly get that narcissist into the arms of the next main character in their passion play. Yes the female narc would be killed and reborn a butterfly emerging from a cocoon and flying delicately into the horizon to meet her next soul mate. The male narc would be a phoenix emerging from the fire victorious. Just some of the innumerable metaphors possible. The reality is that the covert narcissist simply killed the fake persona of one relationship and is now invested in their next phony and fake persona. The masks were simply changed and a new part would be played by the narcopath. But the narc perceives themselves as a victim who overcame and reemerged “changed”. No, boredom, lack of commitment, lying, treachery, and cheating had nothing at all to do with that transformation. Once again key facts are minimized or omitted to make this narrative a reality despite the actual occurrences. So yes twisted logic based on lies, deception, and gaslighting, works well for the covert narcissist. Omitting key and critical details of what happened in that relationship by denying those things ever occurred or minimizing their importance works like a charm. It even convinces the narcissist of their own lies. Yes, they would probably pass a polygraph. So in that sense and in that sense alone has the covert narcissist “grown”. That covert narcissist has less and less conscience over time, lying and treachery and every other form of abuse becomes easier and easier to perpetrate and becomes more refined. The only thing that will ever stop that narcissist is when they themselves inadvertently become tangled in their own web and suffer damage themselves. Yes, of course the narcissist will capitalize on that as well and simply twist the circumstances using any damage done to them as proof of their own victim status. As proof that they themselves have been abused. Yes, when you make an art form out of denying responsibility to the point where you even convince yourself, you could say that that is a viable way of living life. Yes it “works”. But does any sane human being agree with any of that? Most of us understand that the truth is critical. Assessing things accurately is critical. Seeing things as they are is important, even if that means taking blame, feeling remorse, feeling guilt. No one likes the real and deep emotional pain associated with beating yourself up and having to face the fact that you have to change your attitude. That is the maturation process. No one likes heeding a conscience or feeling remorse. No one likes being fully aware that they could have done better. Yes, when our interactions with another human being don't go as planned, we try to understand and take whatever responsibility for that situation that is necessary. Sometimes we realize that it wasn't our fault, that our attitude was mostly correct and that the other person simply didn't get what we were trying to communicate in that interaction. Fine, but denying responsibility and demonizing the person we have a disagreement with isn't the “go to” response. First we look at ourselves, we assess things and try to see both sides of the story, knowing full well that we can never know what the other person's motivations or thought process really was. But the covert narcissist is the exception to that rule of not knowing what goes on inside of another person's head. Because individual covert narcissists exhibit similar patterns of behavior to others in their group and these narcs all have similar reasons for doing these things we can get an idea of what that covert narcissist's line of thinking and motivational forces were. Once we know we have ourselves a covert narcissist of course. That gives us far more answers than would ever be coming from the narc themselves. That allows us to finally sort things out, because we now have many of the missing pieces. The pieces that the covert narcissist insisted on minimizing or insisted on omitting are now able to be seen clearly and incorporated into the narrative. Just to be clear we are talking about the things that covert narcissist was doing right in front of the victim, while that victim was present. We are talking about the deception, misdirection, projection, future faking, word salad, among many other tools of the narcissist's trade that made it possible for the covert narcissist to disorient and confuse the target to the point that the target doubted their own perceptions, doubted what they saw happening right in front of themselves. That was only the tip of the iceberg, since the treachery, deception, disloyalty, and cheating occurring behind the target's back was exponentially worse than what was being observed by that target. Yes, the narc in their own way has done that victim a great service by leaving the scene, but it will take many years of work for the victim to finally see that. So yes eventually the target does the unthinkable for themselves and gives up on another human being. Every avenue of communication was shut down by the narcissist and every effort to resolve the conflict was stonewalled. Every effort to have a healthy amicable split was denied. Even after all of that abuse, lying, treachery, that target still cared about the narcissist, wanted to understand and wanted to believe that the person they saw deep inside that narcopath, the person that narcopath had the potential to be was really there. Yes we believed that despite all of the abuse that narcopath did have a core of humanity. But time proved us wrong. The criticism coming from that narcissist that we thought was an effort to show us our failings and get us to become better people was simply raw abuse by the narcissist for the purposes of causing frustration and emotional turmoil. That pronouncement of love by the narcissist was simply an obligation the narcissist felt they had to maintain the pretense for caring and being committed. That proclamation of love was also posturing to make sure that narcissist kept you on the hook until they were quite certain of your replacement. So the narc had it all planned out from day one. All through the mirroring idealization phase, all through the golden period, all through the devaluation phase. Yes the script had been written previously and now you would be cast as the savior, turned lover, turned abuser. You were just next in line to play that part and sooner or later another would be chosen. The narc themselves never saw the part they were playing, other than that of victim. They naturally shifted from victim status in one relationship to the victim in the next. That narc never saw their part as the abuser, as the manipulator, as the true perpetrator. Yes that narcissist freely shifted from one point of that Karpman triangle to the next, sometimes playing different roles in different settings. But the narcissist never saw themselves as the perpetrator. Yes if they were ever in the role of perpetrator they saw themselves as a “crusader”, fighting the forces of evil. You, as the target were chosen to fit the bill and be the evil they were fighting. That was all done seamlessly and the narc was aware of it and was quite proud of their ability to pull things off. Yes that narc got a real boost to their self confidence and self esteem by being able to con so many people and get away with it. But the covert narcissist's perfect world is ruined when victims of these creeps actually begin exposing these people and their methods of operation. Individual accounts of abuse, even when done anonymously, don't sit well with the narcopath. Worst of all, calling these people's actions out as evil means that a victim viewing the information might actually begin to wake up and realize the farce that was acted out and presented to them as a genuine relationship. Yes, that victim might actually begin to understand that they weren't wrong or at fault or deserving of all of that abuse. Well, facts are facts and having a full unedited version of what occurred in that relationship, as painful as it is to digest, eventually allows the victim to recover. Part and parcel of that recovery is coming to the conclusion that that covert narcissist was a waste of a human being and not worth our efforts. That is harsh and that is sad. But the narc gets exactly what they wanted: Full freedom, carte blanche to do as they please and perpetrate a new ruse on a new target. Yes, the individual covert narcissist is safe, since that target will not engage or get anywhere near that covert creep again. But exposing the aggregate of covert narcissists that are loose in society is fair game. The target has done what was needed. That target put every effort in to reach the narcissist, to help them, to show the significance and genuineness of their love. That target even wanted to try and show that narcopath that there is a better way of living. To fully forgive that covert narcissist. But that was before the true harsh reality of the heartless calloused environment inside of a covert narcissist was fully realized. So, eventually the target comes to a point where they have “served their sentence”. Yes the target suffered terribly and may well continue to suffer into the future, but one thing is for certain: That narc is erased. They are gone and they had better stay that way. But what about the people that call themselves sufferers of NPD that have a legitimate point to make. Shouldn't we empathize with them? Yes possibly a person could view these videos and take them to heart. Well here is the thing: Anyone with a conscience or remorse, anyone who actually becomes self aware shouldn't at all take these videos to heart. These videos aren't about anyone who actually has the ability to feel remorse or has a conscience. These videos aren't about anyone who would ever take any criticism to heart. They aren't about someone who is reachable, they are about the unreachable. They are about people who see a video, even one made by a person they personally victimized and have absolutely zero remorse or guilt. They laugh everything off. That narc's only concern is personal exposure and as long as they are safe they are unaffected by the description of their actions or the pain they cause. The narc's primary concern is themselves and personal exposure. So what about the self proclaimed innocent victim suffering from NPD through no fault of there own who was born that way? Shouldn't we be concerned about calling whole groups of people evil and possibly damaging an innocent party? That point is legitimate. But the problem with that argument is that we aren't calling covert narcissists out as being evil simply to demonize them as individuals, we are calling them evil because of their evil actions. The terrible calloused abuse that they perpetrate on others is evil and that is simply a fact. A self aware narcissist who may never be able to feel empathy for another person is not evil in and of themselves. That narc can choose to do the right thing and to try and do better and to try and not hurt people in the future. That can be respected. We have no malice whatsoever for those self aware covert narcissists. We don't hold them responsible for the fact that by either virtue of genetics or environment (upbringing) or both, they have no concerns for another person's suffering. It is the glee and maliciousness with which the average covert narcissist does their damage and the adrenaline boost they are addicted to as a result that we focus on. That behavior is fully and totally unacceptable and merits every pejorative term possible. No, this isn't a game the target is playing to “get even” or damage an individual, let alone complete strangers and whole groups of people that never did any harm to the target. The information, the descriptions of covert narcissists are critical and crucial to the real victims: Those who had their lives destroyed by the pure malevolent selfishness of a person whose actions are undeniably diabolical. But more importantly, a person that sees nothing wrong with continuing on doing damage. So to use some metaphors. If there are vampires lurking amongst us and we have encountered one of them and we are also aware that many more of these ghouls exist, is it not our responsibility to warn others of the existence and danger presented by these sacks of filth? Is it considered abuse of the vampire to let people know they exist and the damage they can do? Is it wrong to call out those vampires as evil bloodsuckers who pretend to be benign? Now if a vampire is self aware, identifies themselves as such and has found an alternative way of satiating their appetite that can be respected. But how many of those vampires actually do that? Very few. So people must be warned. That vampire has to be called what it is, evil with nothing but malevolent intentions. Similarly, if you are traveling in shark infested waters and have heard numerous accounts of people being eaten alive, wouldn't you warn someone who is about to go for a swim? If that person didn't take your advice, wouldn't you go one step further and tell them how dangerous sharks can be, especially when hungry? No, sharks aren't your friends when you encounter one of them that needs a meal. Yes many of those sharks are benign, even though they look dangerous. But just because only one out of ten sharks is a vicious killer, a man eater, are we now doing the wrong thing by calling sharks a menace. Yes the shark is just doing what comes naturally, but when people's lives are at risk we call these creatures dangerous and to be avoided. We do everything in our power to drive home the point since many people will just not get it. Until it's too late. Moreover imagine a shark that is as dangerous as most sharks but appears to be a friendly dolphin. One day when you least expect it that dolphin sheds its skin, shows its teeth and nearly mauls you to death. No, we call that unnatural and yes, evil. No the shark only did what came naturally and we knew the chances we were taking if we were foolish enough to trust them. But a creature that appeared to be a dolphin that was never a dolphin and tried to kill? Yes that is evil. Yes we have just described in different terms a wolf in sheep's clothing. A common metaphor for a covert narcissist. Yes a pathological covert narcissist who is neither concerned about changing nor wanting to see the error of their ways will never be touched or moved or made to feel bad about any video or other presentation depicting them as evil. It will have no effect upon them. The narc's only concern is their own personal exposure. Yes, if anyone were to take these videos to heart it would be the covert narcissist that was my partner. Well she did come to visit nearly a year ago and told me she had “found God”. The lies spewed in that encounter told a very different story. Yes, she was suffering from an illness and living alone and stated that maybe I should stop making videos about covert narcissism. Yes she had been watching the videos. All of them. Was there any sign of guilt or remorse? Even an apology? No. According to the narc she was there to give me closure. Well I will not go into high detail of all that was said, all of the lies told and the doubling down on the lies when confronted with verifiable contradictory proof. But OK, she was there to give me closure. No, not to silence me, although she had a lawyer that was carefully screening each video. But where was the remorse? Where was there any trace of having felt guilty or wanting to make things right? So let's spend a few moments in crazytown. There is a reason for it. Was it just coincidence that not a few weeks previous I had the most bizarre encounter with a “person” who was taking on two personalities at the same time and making threats and accusations about me personally in the comments section of my YouTube channel? Yes the person was a woman and her cousin all rolled up into one. When I responded by saying that the person she was describing wasn't me, that she had a case of mistaken identity and that I didn't know her, the response was “No, you (meaning I) have a case of mistaken identity”. What nonsense. Think about it for two minutes, So I assumed she was someone I never met and that meant I had a case of mistaken identity? OK. Does that mean I knew her, or “them”? Or did I have a case of mistaken identity and not know my own self? Who knows what was meant. It made no difference since I knew the truth. The creep never gave any coherent answers and was simply blocked after given numerous opportunities to either identify themselves anonymously with some details or otherwise prove who they were. Yes I had a strong inkling it was the ex narc trying to intimidate. The potentially sinister reference to her cousin will not be detailed out. But she was mistaken if I was ever going to respond to any of her threats ever again. Yes the narc had made similar bizarre postings on her social site, the most notable of which is when she posted as the same person, but used three different identities under that same tag name. In one post a surprise of a new iphone was being planned by two people under one tag name. One or two posts later the recipient of that iphone made note of how surprised she was by the unexpected gift under the same exact tag name. Are you confused yet? Yes it makes your head swim. No we can't make sense of the incoherent and nonsensical. But we certainly feel bad for those who aren't even aware of how foolish and crazy they sound. But back to the comments on that YouTube video. Was I communicating with one person or two? From my recollection the answer I received was something along the lines of: “Yes it's us.” Of course that makes no sense. It's worth repeating the notable quote from that freakish encounter. After I told this anon that I didn't know who they were their response was: “You have a case of mistaken identity”. It's like saying: “If you don't know me you have a case of mistaken identity”. OK. But then the person refused to acknowledge they knew me. Is this someone who wanted a serious conversation? Of course not. But all of the hallmarks of the ex covert narc partner made it highly likely that this was she. So not coincidentally does she show up shortly thereafter at my place of work, waiting an hour to speak to me with a different strategy than the anon did. Sure, just a coincidence. Yes it is possible, but highly improbable. Make no mistake that narc I was with knew she was evil. I never understood it at the time, but she had good reason to state “I'm not going to a good place”. Well that woman is alive and if she is bound for a “not good place” it is not because of any past actions, including all of the harm she did to me. Her refusal to see the error of her ways and become self aware to a point that she chooses to no longer do damage is her reason for having an ominous future. That person has been clearly shown the effects of her actions on others and more importantly has been shown a way out: Jesus. That is tough love. That is compassion. That is concern coming from a target and gifted to the narcissist despite that narc's terrible actions. That is empathy. But eventually the obligation is gone and the covert narcissist is rightfully written off. Yes the target has every right to give up on that narcopath. No, that doesn't mean that the covert narcissist is irredeemable, it just means that the narcopath's fate is no longer the responsibility of the target. The narc made their bed and will no longer be warned. Let the narc sleep in their bed. The narc created their stage, they chose the roles of each and every one of the characters in that farce presented as a real, genuine life. That narc even chose their own role. Yes, other people are involved in that drama, but we are out of the loop. It is no longer our obligation to point that out to our ex partner, someone who knows it all. Most narcissists simply perceive every attempt at waking them up as abuse, someone trying to play their game and beat them at it. OK. But we continue warning others about this condition of covert narcissism and the extreme danger of being in a relationship with these ghouls. So no we no longer empathize with the covert pathological narcissist. We gave our all. We emptied ourselves. We did empathize. All that was accomplished by the empathy was to give more energy to the narcissist. Energy that was used to commit even further abuse. All that the empathy did was embolden the evil cretinous covert narcissist further. Yes, all of our efforts at empathy simply had the result of producing enablement. Sadly we no longer believe in the covert narcissist and have written them off. But we retain our optimism and our belief that the vast majority of people on this earth are reachable and are worth empathizing with. So what ties everything in this video together is one simple truth: The narcissist continues to expect us to show them empathy when that’s all we ever did when we were in that relationship and long thereafter. It’s clearly provable that the narc themselves never had any empathy for us even after given many chances to prove they had a heart and a soul. Yes, it’s a two-way street this world is, but a narcissist will never understand that. It’s all about them and everything has to be put into terms that accommodate them. Yes we are now free. We have air around us again. Fresh air and sunlight and all of the toxicity is behind us. It is no longer our obligation to care or be concerned. We paid our dues and it should be stated again, we served our jail sentence. Yes the jail door was opened long ago, but like the bird man of Alcatraz we felt obligated to remain in that cell. Something inside of us told us we needed to stay in that cell, to try to understand what got us there in the first place. Somehow we were strangely attached to the routine in those restrictive and structured confines. Yes, that cell was a home to us and despite the harsh conditions we were comfortable there. But we finally realized there was a better life outside of those barred walls and we departed. We will never allow ourselves anywhere near that toxic environment created by a covert pathological narcissist again. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

End Comments: Remember: The covert narcissists wants covert narcissism to be a myth, and urban legend. That's how they think of covert narcissism. Yes, covert narcissism is a figment of the imagination, it doesn't exist according to the narcissist. Never in their wildest dreams would a covert narcissist watch a covert narc abuse video and connect the dots. The narc would never own any of that behavior as their own, but there would be a curious smirk on their face. Because all of the information presented in the video about how covert narcissists abuse could be used in that narc's next smear campaign against their next victim. Yes, all of the anecdotes shared by genuine victims of severe covert narc abuse could be appropriated by the narc for use in their next phony fabricated tale of victimhood. Do you see what is missing? No empathy for the suffering of these people. Just detached curiosity and a willingness to take advantage of another person's tragedy. Sick. But so typical of a heartless, evil, callous creep we all know to be a covert narcissist. Yes, covert narcissism exists. It is real. It is documented in the literature. But the narc will take no personal responsibility whatsoever. It's always the other person's fault and their problem. Never the narcissist's. Remember Also: The victim had every reason in the world to stop believing in that covert creep and that relationship, yet they still believed in this person, had faith in them. The covert creep had no reason whatsoever to give up on the relationship and every reason to believe in and have faith in the victim, and yet they still walked away. But the worst part of it all is that they demonized the victim for no good reason whatsoever. There was a reason though: They were a covert narcissist.

Letting the Covert Narcissist Win at Their Own Game Many covert narcissist abuse victims are left stranded and confused and one of the avenues of clearing up the tangled mess created by the narcopath is to seek answers through YouTube videos. Yes, it is true trained psychologists and other mental health professionals are the correct resource for many a victim. Those who feel they need immediate help should pursue that course of action and seek out a professional to get that help. Yes, in the end every video created is usually the opinion of its creator based on that person's individual experience. We hope these videos are presented sincerely and with the greatest amount of accuracy possible. But again they are opinion and should be viewed as such. There is no doubt that the conclusions drawn by people that have been abused by a covert narcopath are the editorial portion of any video. No, these conclusions aren't always based on pure psychology and should never be seen as a professional grade opinion. Only the actual occurrences, the actual abuse that is recounted, as seen from the vantage point of the victim can be viewed as having any firm foundation. It should be clear that even those detailed descriptions of the abuse that occurred in the relationship will be biased to one extent or another. You depend on the integrity, on the honesty and accuracy of the presenter. You depend on the fidelity of that person's memory. The proof of the value of any video is when it confirms what you yourself have already concluded. The value of a video directly correlates with the actual benefit it gives you. Yes, many of those anecdotal stories told by a narc abuse victim have value in and of themselves. The insights provided by those victims who have walked the path to recovery are also solid gold for many a victim that is only in the beginning stages of their recovery. Knowing that someone has been where you are now and has gotten themselves back gives weight to that person's opinion and conclusions even if that person's situation was far different from your own. The other important thing to make note of is that the variety of videos available to the narc abuse victim means that there is the possibility of finding a presenter with similar reactions to narcissist abuse as your own. Finding someone that “is on your wavelength” so to speak. So let's be clear, finding out that a whole portion of your life, possibly years and decades of that life, was a farce perpetrated upon you comes as a total shock to most of us. Yes we look back to a time before the concept of covert narcissism ever even entered our brain, a time when we actually thought that someone cared about us and loved us and gradually move our thoughts forward in time with close scrutiny of the events of that relationship as it unfolded. It takes hours of analysis, self introspection, and careful reflection for many victims to get to the point in time where they begin to understand in high detail the game that was being played. Yes, eventually we totally comprehend the dynamic of that fake relationship and come to the undeniable conclusion that we were actually always all alone. That person we thought was there for us was never there at all. That warm feeling we got when we thought we were entering a house full of love was an illusion. Yes we projected the love and the respect and the tolerance that we had for our covert narc partner onto them. We had that person's back and we believed without a doubt that they had ours. Yes, of course we knew there was an element of faith involved. Our belief and faith in that partner was a function of love. But we now understand it was blind faith and totally misplaced. That narc was never worthy of our love and never had any appreciation of that love other than to use it as a tool of manipulation. We totally understood that each and every person, including ourselves is selfish to one extent or another. But we believed in love and more importantly we believed that our partner did love us, even if they had difficulty showing it. We believed in the magical and remarkable quality of love that makes us care about another more than we care for ourselves, because that was true for us. Yes love implies that we share each others burdens and sometimes one partner needs more support or energy than another. We were more than happy to give far more than we received. We gave kindness, we were deeply concerned with the troubled chaotic covert narcissist and we were dedicated to being there for them no matter how difficult the situation or circumstances. That was the meaning of love for us. We believed wholeheartedly, that despite the abusive nature of that narc and their questionable loyalty and commitment that they did love us, even though it may have been very difficult for them to put our needs ahead of theirs. But then we find out it was all a lie. Yes our lives were nothing more than a ruse based on lies, deception, gaslighting, future faking and every other form of depraved debauchery that a covert narcissist so freely indulges in as they disrespect the very nature of what a relationship is and should be. Yes that narcopath was simply an abusive user, getting sick pleasure out of tormenting someone and gleefully thinking themselves wise and superior to that person who was foolish enough to actually swallow those lies that the narc was generating. So no, that narc never loved you or even cared about you and that is a reality that requires a lot of work to even begin to be able to comprehend. It requires us to edit, rewrite, and reinterpret whole sections of our lives. Events that we cherished and made our own. Events that had huge significance to us as individuals and the relationship as a whole are now seen in a completely new light. So yes it takes time to understand what really happened to you. It takes time to actually believe that depraved, low life sacks of filth, with nothing but pure poison and selfishness flowing through their veins actually exist. It takes many hours of introspection and analysis to come to the conclusion that the intimate partner that you thought of as the greatest gift ever given to you was one of these creeps. But eventually it becomes very clear that your ex was a covert narcissist. So the skeptics will ask: How can you tell? How can you label someone a covert narcissist being that you aren't a professional? The answer is that the proof is in the pudding. When that narc was done with the relationship and no longer had any use for the victim, that narcissist's pure selfishness and depraved attitude to a supposed lifetime partner came out without any camouflage whatsoever. No way, no how could anyone who ever cared about or loved another human being simply throw a partner of years and decades under the bus without explanation. Yes, cheating and adultery occurs all of the time, as do all sorts of other infidelities, but the narc sets themselves apart from a partner who makes a mistake and is genuinely remorseful. That narc, when they no longer have any use for the partner, simply refuses to expend any energy whatsoever on that partner. That ex can literally jump off of a bridge and the narc could care less. Some narcs actually go the extra mile and try their best to get that former ex to destroy themselves. Yes triangulation means that a narc and their new partner actually get a thrill out of destroying that ex partner. That bridge jump or the destruction of a whole business would be seen as an achievement that actually bonds that covert narc with their new partner. How sick to actually think that destroying a person's life or even worse getting them to destroy it themselves is something to celebrate and feel good about. No that covert narcissist when they are done, doesn't even put the effort in to pretend to be remorseful or have a conscience. The victim puts together the pieces and it becomes clear that their ex partner was a covert narcissist. So the anger sets in. The incredible rage at finding out that you were purposefully lied to, deceived, and used. The realization that another person was playing games and reveling at their ability to pull it all off means that the victim has an incredible amount of toxicity to purge from themselves. Yes the narc won and is gloating all the way to that new relationship, using every chance possible to advertise the superiority of their new partner. Yes the narc WON, they won big time and you lost. The greater the destruction of your life the greater that covert narcissist's gain. So what does the victim do about it all? Well there are plenty of videos that will tell you how to beat the covert narcissist or how to get revenge, or how to even the score, and every single victim is curious about how this can be done. Yes every single victim to one extent or another wants the satisfaction of paying back the covert narcissist personally. But is that really the solution? Is that how you vanquish the narcissist? Is that how you finally free yourself and have the strength to go on and feel good about yourself again? Well apparently that does work for some. Maybe a person could keep their integrity and their morality and give that narcissist a dose of their own medicine. Maybe a person could simply maintain truthfulness and never ever endeavor to threaten the narcissist in any way. Yes it is potentially possible to take action defensively, in and only in self defense, as long as it doesn't come at the expense of making any threats to the well being of that narcopath. But in many cases your existence as a human being that is still alive and standing may be the greatest annoyance that you could ever give to the narcopath. The fact that you are aware of all that they did to you and have no fear whatsoever to expose narcissists and their kind will never sit well with any covert narcissist. The very fact that you, who have no choice but to deal with the consequences of that narcopath's abuse, have refused to return to the narcissist any form of similar retribution is like a wooden stake into the narcissist's false narrative of being the victim. Every one of that narc's fake and phony accounts of the so-called abuse and evil that you supposedly committed can either be placed into question and dissolved by your harmlessness or confirmed by your need for revenge. Yes the narc projected their own treachery, disloyalty, lack of commitment, future faking and more importantly all of the toxic abuse onto the victim. Yes, according to the narcissist, you were guilty of precisely all that narcissist had done to you. Many flying monkeys believed. But it is the very fact that you have remained harmless that shows without a doubt that the narc's accusations are built upon a foundation of lies and deception. Yes the narc would be more than happy for you to try to settle the score on your own. You would play right into that creep's hand and above all you would be damaging yourself. Even if you could covertly terrorize that narcissist and get away with it, how on earth will this ever help you to repair the damage to your self image that you are now perpetrating upon yourself? In the end what you have that gives you immense power over the narcissist and possibly their new partner is that you have the truth. Yes, the only actual abuse committed is solely on the shoulders of the covert narcissist and their partner. That is strength and it is hard won, takes hard work, and is an ongoing struggle that gets easier over time. Do you understand the power of that? It is an attitude that is diametrically opposed to that of the narcissist. It requires a level of maturity that you may not even have been previously capable of. It gives you the power to eventually fully heal and free yourself of all of the toxic damage that the covert narcissist inflicted upon you. Letting that narc have the last word and “win” is the ultimate revenge. That narc has branded themselves like a bad tattoo that makes people cringe but that person thinks that somehow they have made themselves superior. Let that narc tattoo themselves with their depravity and their wins from head to toe. It is their choice and their responsibility. The minute you mix that narc's damage to your self esteem with damage you do to yourself, you leave the narc with a way out. You give at least some plausibility to the creep. You have every right to expose covert narcissism, but libelous activity or covert threats brings you down to the level of the covert narcissist. Yes you can warn people about an individual, but the details must be kept to a minimum unless you are dealing with law enforcement. Let the narcissist and their partner remain in the swamp. Keep your hands as clean as possible. After all, flushing the narcissist's toxicity that contaminated every pore of your being out of your system should be your entire focus. Yes this is one victim's opinion. But it is also one person's experience. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. End Comments: When you boil it all down to its essence you can

say that the narcissist was a waste of your time. A waste of a whole segment of your life. The

best we can do is minimize any further losses. Those of us lucky enough to never have married

or shared children with a narcissist have the possibility of restoring ourselves back to before

we ever met the narcissist. Yes, we just erase that narcissist from our lives,

retain the valuable insight gained and resume where we left off. Many of us were headed on the right track before the narc threw a monkey wrench into everything. So we go on and realize it's OK to be alone and we can be happy that way since it goes without saying that being alone is far better than a

relationship with a narcissist. We won't be insisting on or forcing a relationship any time soon. Not that we were even looking before that narc interjected themselves into our lives. Yes many of us were patiently waiting for the right situation with the right person to present itself to us. The narc insisted that they were that person. What a joke. The joke was on us and we have hopefully learned from that experience. Our “loss” will turn out to be a great gain as time unfolds just as the narc's “win” will pay them “dividends” as well. The narc brings their own misery upon themselves and no one should feel bad for these heartless creeps. They set themselves up. They sowed the wind and will reap the whirlwind. That's wisdom. Peace for us, turmoil and nothing good to look forward to for the narc. That's justice. Not our problem.

The Covert Narcissist Discard: the Devil is in the Details Time and time again full blown narcs and uninformed people decide they are qualified to have an opinion, look at a narcopathic relationship and decide that the target was simply dumped, is disgruntled about it and can’t let go. Yes they can’t move on, and somehow need to weave tales of abuse to maintain the connection with their former partner. The person drawing those conclusions might be forgiven for having that opinion, because the condition of covert narcissism is quite a bizarre and unbelievable trait. Many people can't imagine that a person such as the covert narcissist actually exists, so they somehow think that the victims of these covert creeps are making up stories.

It should be noted that many of the people caught in a narcopath's web have had previous relationships that ended amicably without drama. But somehow an outsider has an opinion on something they know nothing of and blame the victim. Yes, somehow it's the victim's fault that they were cruelly discarded. So we stopped trying to explain ourselves to these people long ago. We bid these fools farewell, sure whatever they want to think. Let them have a good day. Of course these people are in error, but wasting energy on trying to educate someone who doesn't want to learn, who wants to be proud of their own wisdom is wasted effort. We hope these people are young and just beginning to mature. Maturity will humble them and show them that opinions are arrived at carefully, by having the facts, discerning the truth and carefully making the best judgment possible. Opinions aren't set in stone and most importantly are subject to change when better information comes along. So how can someone present an authoritative opinion when they don't have the slightest idea of what actually went on in that warped relationship that was fabricated and counterfeited by a covert narcissist? A con job perpetrated by a covert narcissist specifically tailored to deceive the target into believing that they were actually in a genuine relationship. It’s obvious that a prideful, arrogant, self deluded narcopath would believe it’s their own greatness, their own unique magnificence that can never be repeated in the victim's life again that causes that previous partner to be unable to move on. The reality is something very different.
The fact is that target was victimized from day one. They were used, abused, lied to, and cheated out of any genuine show of positive intention or emotion by the narcopath. Later that target was even more victimized, cheated even more intensely, cheated on, and every form of disloyalty and treachery imaginable was perpetrated upon them. Much of this went unnoticed by the target at the time. But the truth later revealed itself in a shocking way. Yes, the sick narcopath was playing games, seeing how far they could take it. Yes, that victim may have been naive and unaware of what was going on, but once that narc was done with them and decided it was time to discard, they tore off that mask and allowed the shocking reality of what was going on in that victim's life to show itself without any camouflage. So how on earth is someone who has just had their whole world, self image, self confidence, and very environment torn to shreds, blown up, to simply shrug their shoulders and move on? That seems ludicrous. Remember, that target invested their lifeblood and soul into that narcopath and the relationship. That person's whole future and all of their present was entirely focused on that narcopath. So why would anyone be so foolish to place all of their trust into someone with a history of questionable behavior? Well the narc specifically wanted it that way. That narcissist accepted nothing less than full loyalty and full vulnerability. So I will give a real life example to prove the point. Has this same thing happened to others? Yes it has, but the details will be different and the circumstances that lead to a person making themselves vulnerable will also be distinct. The point to be made is that the narcopath purposefully makes the target devote themselves and be loyal to them. The purpose of this is to be able to manipulate and control that person. Those people who set boundaries are sometimes considered to be a challenge to the narcopath, so that narc doubles down to make sure they eventually get the upper hand. The narc needs to be in control at all costs and they will say and do anything to get another person to do their bidding. So they play their mind games. Well the narc I was with ended the relationship three times. The first two times I told her that was OK and I thought we should make a clean break. The narc then came back and said she had changed her mind. The third time she actually left, became less available while still telling me she wanted to keep the relationship. Her increasingly distant and cold blooded demeanor told me that she was no longer interested despite the words coming out of her mouth and I ended it after a month of obvious posturing. There were two months of no contact, not a word exchanged between us. I called her at the two month mark and asked if she was happy. I genuinely cared and hoped that she had found what apparently I couldn't offer. A future that apparently I couldn't give her. Well her response was no, she wasn't happy and she wanted to resume the relationship. But I had discarded her according to her take. I did some soul searching and thought to myself that maybe I wasn't really loving this woman at all since I had put up walls of protection around myself. Maybe I hadn't given this woman everything and that was why she wanted to leave. Yes, the questionable behavior of this person did make me wary and it meant that I was prepared for anything, including her departure at any time. But maybe that was the problem, maybe I hadn't really loved her or anyone at all. So I promised her I would never say goodbye to her again. I took the step of making myself one hundred percent vulnerable in a show of trust and commitment. Did I know that covert narcissism existed at the time? No, and in my pride and self confidence of thinking that I was well versed in psychology and human nature I had no idea whatsoever that I was about to get into a den with a viper in war mode. Yes that narcopath was going to teach me a lesson for having the audacity to end it. At least that is my take. So the relationship resumed but that narc was increasingly distant, citing the changes of menopause as the reason for her being a beast three weeks out of every month. The Instagram use was becoming more and more prevalent. The demands were ratcheting up week after week. The wild ideas that I didn't have the heart to challenge because I didn't want to steal her dreams, were getting out of control. Then the tattoo that we never even discussed. This person was becoming more and more unstable from the moment of that reunion and I was clamoring to try to figure out how to handle things, how to get a grip on the situation. The disloyalty of this person was becoming more and more obvious while at the same time they were accusing me of being disloyal. Then the prioritization of near strangers above very important moments in our relationship. Then came the ultimatum to fire a loyal employee of 14 years and that was enough. No I wouldn't be doing that and a compromise was found. I was trying to understand what was happening and in a passionate conversation I made a firm point and that narcopath went into what I could only characterize as a psychotic break. She became glassy eyed and threatened to cut me with a knife. Was that episode real or an act? I still have no idea. I tried to make sense of it and the nearest answer I came up with was abuse from someone when she was a child. The following day she told me she spoke to some people and the next time I threatened her (her characterization, not mine) she would be calm. I asked her who she had been speaking to, maybe someone on Instagram and she smirked with her comeback. No she implied she was getting advice from professionals. This person was falling to pieces in front of me and I was desperately trying to figure out what to do, how to make things right. But as bad as things were I still believed in her chastity, her faithfulness to me in mind and body. Never once did I imagine she would ever contemplate being with another man. Yes, I was clueless and confused. Then came the discard. Done in the shadiest, cruelest, most impactful way possible. Yes, the creep told me she loved me and made me relax and believe finally everything was OK, that things would get back to normal again. Then the very next contact she told me she wanted to end it. But that was far from all. The next few days she was impossible to reach and then came the final day. The day she decided to make a play for and flirt with a man right in front of me. I was so shocked and in disbelief I walked away and took a few brief moments to cry in private, but I pulled myself together. That demon was incessant in her heartless description of how we would split up and how things would be arranged. Well since she was concerned about aggression, I purposely kept my distance and screamed at her to stop with the plans. When was she leaving is all I wanted to know. I was still hoping to salvage the relationship and I wanted her to know that this was as bad as things would ever get. She just kept going on about her departure. Well after screaming at her louder and louder asking when she would leave she finally stopped talking. Moments later, she walked out of the door. That could have been it. She had her freedom. I called her two days later and tried to smooth things over but she was having none of it. Well the impact of this situation was overwhelming and I confided the story with a friend. Apparently the story I told was so unbelievable that the friend asked the narc what really happened. The next day that narcissist is waiting in the parking lot at my place of work and bizarrely parks her car in front of mine, blocking it. I am overjoyed to see her and tell her I was praying for this. Well she struts behind me and as we walk in the door she tells me to lock the door. She then tells me to sit down and questions me as to what exactly I said she did, then marches me to the office area and begins trashing the office. She pulls a butterfly knife out of her Bear Claw boots and begins threatening me because I placed her daughter in danger. She tells me that the friend had threatened her and her daughter and tells me she had family that was going to be taking care of me and surveilling my every move and all of my internet activity. She tells me she is putting a law suit against me and will take everything that I have, She then proceeds to punch me as hard as she can dozens of times followed by choking me to the point of causing scars. I allow all of it because I believed I deserved it. That I had committed a grievous act against her. Well, after the shock of it all subsided I realized that I had just been assaulted and called her. I told her I would be calling the police. Well she came back and did her best to straighten out the office then told me that all she wanted in return was that one day she would be asking me for a favor to repay her for the kindness she was showing me. Yes I am not lying and in the ridiculous emotional turmoil created surrounding those events anything seemed plausible and reasonable. Yes, she had attacked me but I was the one who should be thankful to her and one day return the favor she was doing me! So according to the outside observer I was just dumped and I am not able to get over it. OK. Sure. I will leave things here only to add that I did find answers as to what was going on with that narcissist. A simple google search of her username showed it all. Her behavior on Instagram was shocking to say the least. Yes that person I planned to spend the rest of my life with was fake and phony. That person never existed or if they did they were gone now. The person portraying themselves on Instagram was not the person who I had known as my partner. Yes the story that unfolded in front of me and continued to be more defined was a shock that had no explanation until I did a search of the signs I had observed and discovered covert narcissism. I will end things here. The impact on my life was monumental and I am only beginning to see the possibility of recovery almost 3 years later. So no, I didn't just get dumped and want to make a federal case out of it. No, that narc's greatness and her irreplaceability isn't what caused the mayhem in my life and inability to move on. Yes there is much more to the story. The triangulation, the gleeful flaunting of a new relationship. That has been covered before and is not pertinent to this discussion. The point has been made. The story is true. Thousands of others have similar true stories. Covert narcissism exists. It is a fact and no amount of disbelief or denial will make it go away. The comprehensive damage covert narcissists do is undeniable and no sane human being with a heart and soul can simply walk away and go on with their lives without understanding what went wrong. Yes, with understanding comes healing and then life does go on and far superior opportunities present themselves to the healed target. But without reflection, without taking the months and years to comprehend, the damage will never be overcome. First there is the discovery of covert narcissism and all that that implies. Then there is the revelation of how that covert narcissism impacted the last few years or even decades of your life. Then there is the realization that a person was perpetrating a ruse upon you and toying with your emotions. That triggers anger and rage. The anger and rage has to be overcome, and that takes hard work. The alternative is to become bitter and allow that abuse to linger and slowly destroy you over time. So we need to take as much time as possible to comprehend and find our way out of the morass created by that narcopath. Yes the outside world sees dwelling on that abuse as dysfunctional, but they have not walked in our shoes. It is true that we do need to make progress day by day, week by week, month by month, but no time limit should ever be imposed on us by the uninformed. Yes they are entitled to their opinion, because that just seems to be the norm this day and age. But maybe people should think about having less opinions and doing more studying of the facts. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. End Notations:




Remember: The covert narcissist is destined to fail. There is no intervention necessary on your part. The narc has no resources other than a lifetime of killing their own conscience, finding new ways to deceive people and cultivating projection, denial, and gaslighting. None of those tools of the narc's trade will ever allow them to find peace, joy, or hope. Only temporary satisfaction at a hollow achievement. A dark victory. Yes the narc feels no pain or remorse because they had a lifetime of practice finding ways to avoid responsibility for anything that they do. There will NEVER be any genuine victory for the narcissist. Only the target that was victimized has the possibility of victory and a full recovery. Why? Because the target has a lifetime of choosing to be good choosing to do the right thing and heeding their conscience. Yes the narcissist's treachery was a challenge to overcome for the target. That narc was a real threat because of the toxic emotions that welled up inside of the victim. So every one of the target's resources needed to be utilized. But the point s victory IS POSSIBLE. Yes the target can fully heal and get everything back and more. Yes things can be better in every way than they were with the narcissist. There is only one thing necessary to achieve that victory: Don't go down to the narc's level and try to seek vengeance. It's not our place to teach that narc a lesson. Our obligation is to heal ourselves.

The Pivotal Moments of a Covert Narcissist's Existence: The Borderline Narcopath is the Author of Their Own Destiny We all come into this world with an innate capacity to lie, cheat and steal to one degree or another. It is the gentle, careful, and thoughtful shepherding of our parents that guides us in the direction of being truthful, teaches us the values of doing and saying “what is right” regardless of the consequences to ourselves. Of course there is so much more to parenting than that and the other aspect that pertains to this discussion is the fine balancing act of not breaking your child's spirit and building in that child a healthy and correct sense of self worth. Teaching that child the painful reality that they can't always have it their way and that the world doesn't revolve around them is an unpleasant task because it does involve modifying the child's attitude, “changing” them, altering their opinion of themselves. Similar things can be said about teaching delayed gratification. Yes, it's never easy to tell a child that they are wrong or telling them “no” to something they want or want to do. We absolutely want our children to have confidence as adults and that requires the ability to accurately assess one's own abilities and capabilities. So with the correct guidance we can give those children a good start in life and get them into healthy patterns of thinking, healthy behavior patterns, and a healthy sense of self worth. All of the above is an ideal. No parent lives up to those standards of perfection, but it is important to note these things and establish a baseline for the purposes of this discussion. Why? Because with the covert narcissist we are dealing with a developing human with very limited capabilities of being taught by the parents and a huge sense of self worth that doesn't want instruction or correction. The limited capacity for feeling guilt and remorse means the parents have a steep challenge when they deal with an natural born narcopath. There may well be a weak capacity for that child to feel guilt and remorse and to have a conscience, but working with what you have in that child requires an enormous, sometimes overwhelming amount of attention to detail. Many well meaning parents simply can't keep up and that means the child eventually “wins” every time. So another narcopath is born and created and eventually unleashed upon the world. But then we have the other possibility. These are the children with a capacity to be good. No these children aren't perfect by any means, they still lie, cheat, and steal like all the rest, but this is much diminished and much more easily steered in the right direction. The very good ones simply have a capacity to naturally think logically and clearly and have an inborn sense of morality and conscience despite possibly very poor parenting. These children are born with sensitivity and feel guilty about virtually everything. These are what are called the “easy” children. An “easy” child can make up for all of the parenting mistakes and become healthy as an adult. But they do require a gentle hand which they don't always receive. Yes, stern parents can destroy a sensitive child in the same way that laissez-faire parenting can ruin a strong-willed child. It should also be noted that these “easy” children are usually born with a high capacity for empathy. So we have just gone over a brief, simplified summary of the interaction between a parent and child and how this effects the ultimate outcome of a person when they become an adult. We covered the extremes and it seems that the narco path and the em path are on opposite ends of the spectrum. But our focus is on the narcopath, and more importantly the narcopath who did have a weak conscience, did have a limited capacity to feel genuine empathy and remorse. We are talking about a narcopath who was teachable to a certain extent. It is these narcopaths that were either created by parents who never properly taught them right from wrong or the narcopaths created by that individual child's self-willed active disobedience to sensible parenting. As an aside, some parents may have actually even encouraged treachery, lying and theft and that created a pattern of dysfunction in the child that the child could never fully overcome. We could even have genuine empathy for these narco paths, but the problem is they are narcopaths and they have a track record. No we don't empathize with the evil and the wicked. These people were endowed to be human beings and they have an obligation, a responsibility to act as humans. No, the narc will always refuse reason. Always refuse to see the error of their ways and always refuse to acknowledge or even feel there was anything at all wrong with the damage they have done and continue to do. It is always the victim's fault. Yes, according to the narco path they have an unblemished record. and sadly it is a near impossibility that an adult narco path will ever change, because they simply see no fault in themselves. More importantly, most of these borderline narco paths became that way through active decisions on their own part. That doesn't merit empathy, because many people have faced a similar situation and made the decision to be good. So, what ties both of these borderline potential narco paths together is that they are the ones ultimately responsible for the course of their lives. Yes, the misparented and the strong willed covert narcissist that both began with traces of a conscience and empathy both created the beast they became by their own purposeful hand. I have purposely not discussed the Christian aspects of this topic. Yes, Jesus can help and heal, but in the majority of situations a watered down and warped or even fake version of Christianity may even make the situation worse. In most cases we see both the parenting and the child's own motivation and decision making totally devoid of any genuine Christian wisdom, guidance, or instruction. So, for the most part Christianity has no impact whatsoever, even for those who attend church and “have a form of religion but deny the power thereof”, a paraphrase of second Timothy 3 5. Yes, the vast majority of these borderline narco paths are created by the child themselves purposefully “going their own way”. That child has decisions to make during the course of their lives. That child can look at duplicitous parents and tell themselves “No, that isn't right, let me observe the world around me and make note of what is right”. Numerous opportunities to observe extended family members, friends with functional families, or even TV shows can at least give a frame of reference to a “better way” of living life. It is in the child's hands to use that information wisely, or ignore it. The other narco path is the one who did have sensible parents, but due to the fact that they were a very strong-willed child, eventually “won” and got it all their way by wearing down the parents. These borderline narcs are the ones we are talking about and in a real sense they are the authors of their own destiny. Yes, they are narcopaths of their own design, either by turning a blind eye when they clearly saw the difference between right and wrong, or by active defiance of their parents' instruction, maybe even a combination of the two. It is these individuals that have pivotal moments in their lives, “forks in the road” that will determine the rest of their lives. Yes, these individuals have “breakthrough” opportunities that they squander throughout the course of their existence and this is the primary reason they become the miserable destructive individuals that the world has no choice but to deal with. So let's try to identify some key moments in the life of a narco path in a similar manner to the classic tales of “Scrooge” or “It's a Wonderful Life”, the narcopath version. The opposite version of “Scrooge” where the narc is shown the terrible impact of their treachery and their ultimate fate and they refuse to change. The opposite version of “It's a Wonderful Life” in which everyone the narcopath touches would have been better off if that narcopath never came into their lives. Yes, we are now entering into the realms of a hypothetical character and following them through the course of their lives because there is no way to really know for sure what turns a person who could “go either way” into a narco path. Let's also be clear, even a narcopath can look back on their lives and note numerous occasions where they did do or say “the right thing”. Some of those examples may be actual gestures of genuine empathy or acts that benefited others. Some of those decisions may well have altered the course of that narcopath's life and set them in a better direction. We are talking about the overall course of the narco path's life and the overall impact that they have on the world. But make no mistake even those acts of good usually had ulterior motives that the narc themselves isn't even aware of. Just to be fair, even the average person isn't always aware of the hidden impulses behind doing acts of good will, perceived as altruism. The Bible is very clear about how God views the “good” acts of every human on this earth. Yes, a covert narcissist may have learned to be truthful at times and may have learned to be diligent and honest at work, but that was purely out of necessity, the need to survive, or even just the need to preserve the narc's precious “billboard”, their public persona and reputation. Those are all valid points, but we are looking at the overall outcome that creates a human being who has literally made an active decision to abdicate their humanity and simply chose to fake any resemblance to an actual functional, caring, empathetic human being. Fully healed narcissist abuse victims or even outsiders will never dehumanize another human being even if that sack of filth is a narco path that has actively dehumanized themselves. A healthy outlook requires us to respect life and respect every person at least by virtue of them having been born a human being. So on to the subject. We start out as an infant with infinite potential. That potential is shaped by our genetic makeup that determines our appearance, our intelligence, our ability to comprehend, our capacity for empathy, a conscience, the ability to feel guilt and remorse amongst many other things. We are born into an environment that shapes those genetics into the final product we call an adult human being. Early on that environment is almost entirely determined by outsiders, our caretakers our parents. Yes lack of physical contact, lack of any genuine love or concern towards an infant can scar a person for life through no fault of their own. So yes, psychopaths can be created. But we are concerned with the person who was given all of the chances that everyone else has, the borderline person who was given most of the tools that all of us are given both genetically and environmentally. We are following that person through their lives and focusing on the active decisions that they make, their active response to external influences. Newborn babies see the outside world as merely an extension of themselves. That is normal. As that infant develops and interacts with that external world, that infant pursues his or her own will. Lying, cheating, and stealing come naturally to many of these children and as these children become increasingly aware it is the parent's role to give the information, to guide that young child in the right direction. Most developing children, toddlers, begin to understand, begin to see the differences between right and wrong. These toddlers and young children also see the benefits of lying. Yes, that child can see the gain they obtain from doing what is told to them is wrong. Yes, many a lie or any other wrong act is rewarded, can be gotten away with and be advantageous. So the parent, being aware of this, tries to instill a sense of responsibility, guilt and conscience into the child as that child develops. This then brings us to the first junction in the road for that child. The time where the child either heeds those uncomfortable feelings of guilt and endeavors to try their best never to misbehave again, or they decide to ignore those feelings and actually “fight” them. This scenario plays itself out numerous times every day and week and as that child grows a pattern of misbehavior develops that gets increasingly stronger. So we now have a child who has literally calloused their own conscience. The conscience is still present, but it is greatly diminished. Yes the child now mostly wins every battle with the parents and naturally there is great temporary pleasure in having it all your way. So at some point that child made an active decision to fight and not comply and that is the first step on their journey of becoming a covert narcissist. That child goes to school and interacts with others and quickly learns the short cuts to getting what they want. One of those shortcuts is pretending. Pretending to be more and different than what they are and being that the governor of a conscience has nearly been turned off that child cultivates every form of lying and treachery that they can imagine. But the child is still a child and also has an innate innocence, an innate ability to change the course of their lives. Yes there are still pangs of conscience and still opportunities to eventually listen to what the pain is telling them and not fight it. After all a growing child becomes more and more sophisticated and is able to understand their world at an increasingly comprehensive and complex level. So with understanding comes more responsibility and the child can re-evaluate their past misbehavior and decide that they in fact have been going down the wrong path and will endeavor to be “good”. Of course the patterns of being evil have been established and the child will have to make the effort to change. It is at this time that the young child has to make another decision: begin heeding their conscience, discern what is good and bad and make an active decision to do the right thing. So our future narcopath decides to be clever and take the “middle road” and have an advantage on the rest of society. Yes that future narcopath will be good and truthful when it suits them, but they will always retain the ability to be evil and retain all of the benefits of that depravity. What suffers with this approach is that the conscience continues to become increasingly calloused and that young child's sense of morality and world view becomes corrupted. That child loses the ability to see reality for what it actually is because in the process of perpetrating a “controlled deception” on other people around them the narc is actually falling victim themselves and banishing themselves to a warped personalized fantasy world. Yes to the future covert narcissist it is they who are fully in control, but in reality they are slowly but surely losing touch with reality. Why? Because that narcopath refuses to “play well with others”. That narcopath refuses to interact with anyone on an equal playing field with mutual rules and mutual respect. The narcopath can't tolerate an environment in which each person's values and point of view, and desires carry equal weight to that of their own. That would mean the narco path has to compromise and rather than learn to compromise, the narco path instead chooses to insulate and isolate themselves. That requires increasing levels of sophistication in creating fake personas, lying, duplicity, treachery, gaslighting and all of those other traits we now identify as covert narcissism. So the narc continues to cement their future in stone by creating almost inescapable patterns of behavior and attitudes. But that narco path is still young. Maybe not even a teen and no major damage has been done to others. Yes the fantasy world that narco path creates is obviously implausible to older people and even cute. With no adult correction or by the young narc simply refusing to heed the advice of others that narc's capacity for evildoing continues to grow. Yes, a conscience still exists, but it has become severely calloused and is on the verge of becoming seared. So the narco path enters puberty and becomes increasingly aware of their own curious lack of empathy and their own curious lack of having a conscience when compared to those people around them. The narc begins dating and notices more stark differences that set them apart from others. That narc simply can't wrap their head around the concept of bonding to another human being. Yes the concept of love is something that permeates society and is looked upon as an ideal situation that everyone strives for, but to the narcissist it is simply an abstraction. The young narcissist mimics the words and actions that are appropriate to being in a relationship, but as time goes by they do get a sense that something is missing for them. Love, to a narcissist is simply hype and for the most part the narc sees love as a scam, a con. Of course the narc is correct inasmuch as they are precisely describing themselves. The narc assumes that because they are putting on an act others are as well. The authentic love, compassion, loyalty, commitment, empathy and good will directed to the narcissist by a partner who genuinely cares go unappreciated by the narcissist. Those gestures of kindness have no tangible value to the narcissist because the narc literally doesn't have the capacity to feel the benefits of those emotions directed towards them. But that narc increasingly sees those emotions as areas in which they can exploit another human being, take advantage of them so to speak. Exploiting others, lying to them, cheating them, cheating upon them, making them believe what isn't true becomes the one avenue open to the narcissist that at least gives some sense of satisfaction. So the young narcissist increasingly learns to detect, observe, and define in high detail the vulnerability of others around them. They find those vulnerabilities in both their partners and other people they interact with. The young narc's observations and activities are still quite benign and harmless, but these early acts are the very seeds of what is soon to grow into a full blown addiction. The narc becomes addicted to “finding an angle”, “finding a way in”, “gaining the upper hand” in an insatiable effort to assert and exercise their own self imagined superiority and manipulate another human being. Yes like every addict the narc can look back at a time when they could have chosen to do the right thing and respect other people around them. They could have chosen a different path, a far more difficult path, and changed the course of their lives. But the key difference is that the narc is quite proud of what they have made of themselves. They see no addiction in themselves. How can you call a covert narcissist anything less than delusional? That addiction has taken them over to the point that they don't even realize that anything is wrong at all. More importantly, the narco path somehow views their lack of ability to feel remorse or have a conscience as making them superior, stronger than others who succumb to the weakness of those traits. So in their warped mind, the narc views killing their own conscience and cultivating their own treachery over time as actual growth and progress. Yes, eventually the narc matures and becomes self-aware, but in earlier relationships they were still sorting themselves out. The narc realized that they had no real loyalty or attachment to their partner, but they learned to “fake it” and extract all of the external benefits of that relationship. Yes the young narco path may have been faithful to their boyfriend or girlfriend because society saw faithfulness as a favorable trait. But the feelings just weren't there and the narco path increasingly realized that fact. Yes, even early on that narco path had pride and saw themselves as a superior person and therefore maintaining that early relationship was important. So the ruse continued until the narco path finally decided they were just getting too bored and restricted and saw terminating a current relationship for a new opportunity as having great benefits that far outweighed the costs in the form of being seen as disloyal. The narcissist learned that they could discard a current partner and still maintain all of the respect society afforded by demonizing and mercilessly lying about that previous partner. Another way of circumventing the disapproval of society was to simply have clandestine relationships, concocted with all sorts of fake reasons for why those relationships had to be kept a secret. Yes we are talking about affairs later in life, but early on, before marriage, there was still excitement in getting away with the cheating and the narc honed that capability of getting everything they wanted with no limits. Why not have a relationship on the side and keep the current one as well? But achieving that level of sophistication took years, possibly decades of practice by trial and error. Yes occasionally the narc got caught cheating, but that just meant feigning remorse and promising that it would never happen again. In reality that narc was actually taking notes and making sure their next endeavor would be more polished. Sick. But before all of that sophistication, the narco path simply learned to make good excuses for “moving on” as it became easier and easier for them to shift loyalties, never giving any clue as to the soulless environment that lurked inside of themselves or any of the real motivations that ended one relationship and began another. Yes, the narco path's discarded partner, all those that surrounded the narco path, and maybe even the narc themselves simply viewed the narc's departure as a normal breakup. Of course early on that narc did have the capacity to choose. Choose to make it work with one person or simply choose to not misrepresent themselves in the future. That narc could have seen the devastation and suffering and destruction of their actions and chosen to change, to respect, to try and reach inside of themselves and listen to whatever traces of a conscience remained inside that warped psyche of theirs. They could have heeded that conscience, allowed that remorse to guide them to do better next time. Instead the narc chose to simply forgive themselves over and over again as more and more victims piled up. Yes later in life the narc simply couldn't help themselves but to be evil. But everything requires practice and refinement and it is precisely the fact that the narc honed their treachery over time, cultivated it to a high art that is inexcusable. To say a narcissist was “born that way” is like saying someone was born a concert pianist. Both people were born with capacities. It was practice that produced the final product. Yes it is absolutely true that the aged narc never realized that love, loyalty, and commitment, the bond that most normal people cultivate in a relationship is the actual source of satisfaction and contentment in a relationship. But can we really ever be sure that the narc couldn't have at least gotten some sense of satisfaction from treating another human being with kindness and respect? Couldn't it be possible that the aged narc has no ability to appreciate or even feel love, because in the bargain they made to ignore their humanity they lost their soul and the ability to enjoy the real pleasures that life has to offer? Chief among those pleasures is the capacity to form a long lasting love-based bond with another human being. Yes, early on the narc still had the capacity to change. Even without any emotions involved, there was still the ability to know right from wrong, the ability to choose to do no harm, the ability to be critical of oneself and introspective. That narc could still observe their environment and distinguish between reality and the fantasy world they had created for themselves. The narc still had the capacity to stay grounded in reality. Instead they chose their warped fantasy world and anointed themselves the ruler of it. Once again the patterns formed in youth by choice dictate and govern the older narc's life and inevitably pull that narc into further and further treachery. The narc becomes an adult and eventually enters the workforce. Many covert narcissists can be quite proficient and even thrive under harsh working conditions. Yes that narc can become a stellar employee. That narc can actually earn themselves a good reputation and have actual accomplishments that are worthy of respect and adulation, but there is only one problem. The narc is mercenary. The narc is cold and calloused and although being technically proficient at the job really doesn't care at all. But the narc understands that showing concern is a part of the job and they are able to put on a mostly convincing act. Yes, the narc at this point has established a pattern of being a fake phony fraud and it is simply a matter of putting on an act. That act is found out later when an employer who has poured countless hours of resources into that narco path gets into a bind and requires the loyalty of that narco path. Yes a business is on the verge of failing and needs “all hands on board”. But the narco path bails and leaves for greener pastures. Yes, the young adult narco path hardly feels a conscience or any sense of loyalty. Curious how that narco path in training seems to feel nothing at all. The narc themselves is astounded by their own lack of concern and the only problem is that they are feeling a sense of unease. That narc simply can't put their finger on the problem. Well subconsciously there is still a conscience, there are still feelings of remorse trying to break through. But the narc fights and self medicates their problems away and in the process goes through another pivotal point of their existence. The narc wins and eventually vanquishes the last vestiges of a conscience searing it into near elimination. Sadly, in cutting off those painful feelings and avoiding them they have unwittingly also lost their capacity to feel the positive emotions, those that make life worth living. The narc knows they did wrong, but they justify everything. Yes, the narc has excuses. Life wasn't fair to them. They were abandoned by parents so now they have the right to do the same to others. Their mom was a pathological liar. They were never shown love by their parents or any consideration whatsoever. Yes the list goes on and the narco path is blind to the fact that they have been given all sorts of benefits including looks and a sharp mind. The narc fails to realize that many of those that surround them have had similar adversity and decided not to be angry at the world and pay their misery and historical childhood abuse forward to others. Yes many who have suffered CHOSE to be good and aren't rebelling and giving the middle finger to the world. How is that possible? Simply because as we mature we realize that we aren't the center of the world, don't expect everything to go our way and we are aware that no matter how bad our situation we count our blessings and never presume that somehow the world never gave us a chance therefore we can do as we please. Yes despite everything a choice was made to heed a conscience and try to be kindur and more compassionate more empathetic to other people. A choice was made to be positive and focus on other people's pain. A choice was made to appreciate whatever life DID give to us. So at some point beyond young adulthood the covert narcissist becomes full blown. Narcissistic partners can help in the transition. Yes a narco path can be locked into a loveless marriage by another narco path and manipulated for decades and simply stay in that marriage until they can make their break. Numerous affairs help the narc that is trapped. More typically, the narc simply cycles through one fake relationship after another, moving on when an opportunity presents itself. Regardless of what produces the covert narcissist, eventually that narcopath, who once had the options of becoming a human being is locked into a pattern that they can't escape and they are unleashed upon the world. No act of kindness or genuine concern will ever be reciprocated by this beast who has abdicated their humanity. They lie their way into one person's heart after another and with increasing viciousness discard in the cruelest manner possible. The narc is angry at the world, but refuses to point the finger at the real culprit: the person they see in the mirror every day. It may well be that the narc eventually settles on a relationship that at least gives them some of the benefits they desire either in the form of a comfortable existence or any other highly desirable circumstances such as acclaim and acknowledgment by society that they crave. But it doesn't matter. The narc is and always will be miserable and dissatisfied. They will always spread the wealth of their misery to others and play games in an endless cycle of manipulation and pulling people into their fantasy world. Yes adolescent behavior may be cute for a thirteen year old, but it takes your breath away to see someone in their early 50's act like a child. The narc's main problem is that they really have no excuse. They may genuinely believe that the fantasy world they lived in was legitimate and that they made all of the rules, but the narc does understand that they really are living in the real world. A real world where there is accountability and the treachery and suffering they caused will all need to be paid for. With interest. Yes, that narc abandoned many people in a metaphorical desert and refused to give those people even a drop of water. Yes the narc abandoned someone who counted on them. Yes, that narc was oblivious to or even gleefully enjoyed that pain they caused another person. Yes, the narc never felt another person's pain, but they will feel their own. They will one day feel the hopelessness of wandering in that desert and see rivers of water just out of reach. They will one day suffer the pain of abandonment and betrayal. They will one day suffer and pay for every act of treachery. With interest. The narc is on a collision course with destiny and they know it. Each day brings them closer to that realization and they are well aware of that fact. So no, the narc can never be happy except in their own fantasy world that is barricaded with lies and denial. Unfortunately for the narcissist, they aren't in charge and payment will be required. By them, or Jesus for them. Their choice. Yes even the covert pathological narcissist started off life relatively innocent. It is the small decisions that they made each and every day of their lives, the things they did, the things they said that took them down the road that created the practiced treacherous duplicitous creeps they turned into as adults. As time passed the damage that narc did was more and more comprehensive, but the ability to forgive themselves grew in proportion and the ability to feel any remorse whatsoever was dissolved by those years of practicing their dark art. The conscience was calloused then seared as the narc made their conscious decision to take the easy way out and avoid any painful introspection. The lack of remorse, the lies, the duplicity the treachery that they committed were ever increasing in their depravity and intensity, but that lack of willingness to take any responsibility evolved and

 always stayed ahead of those wicked acts.   The narc kept walking away from the destruction they’d done without feeling a twinge of remorse so many times over the course of their lives that it became second nature and the narc cultivated their projection to a high art.  Yes the narc did the damage and somehow thought themselves the victim, the righteous one, the one that was morally superior.  Yes, in the narc's twisted mind their evil was noble and justified.  Yes that narc was much more innocent at the start, simply by virtue of not having had any experience exercising their dominion over a conscience and feelings of remorse.  Vanquishing all guilt led that narc straight into their bizarre world of warped logic and reason that made no sense to any sane human being.
           Yes the narcissist is what they chose to be, is what they decided to be over the course of their lives.  Literally decades of inappropriate pathological behavior made the narcissist what they are.  Covert narcissists may well be victims of their own foolish choices but that does not absolve them of their evil and treachery.  Taking the easy way out, doing what is best for yourself regardless of the cost to others eventually takes its toll and one day the chickens will come home to roost.   Yes facing problems is what life is all about and most people accept that unfortunate fact, but the narc refuses.  So much easier to smoke dope and feel sorry for yourself while your peers face reality, deny themselves pleasure, delay gratification and work hard for a future.  So much easier to cut corners and learn how to defraud people out of their hard earned money, while others struggle to serve and humble themselves.  Covert narcissists exist in every strata of society, but the common denominator that binds them all together is their lack of concern for anyone but themselves.  This is true for the narc that society deems as wealthy and successful, those that  have obviously squandered their lives, and all of those covert narcs in between.  Yes the adult narc will never understand that many of those people around them had all of the same impulses and desires that they did, but they chose a different path.  The harder path.   Genuine success may not be monetary, by the way, or ever result in any public acknowledgment or acclaim.  It is about fulfilling your potential whatever that may be, and choosing to do the right thing to the best of your ability.  So the narc in the later part of their life is far from innocent.  They have blood on their hands and piles of victims in their wake and this all came about incrementally.  
          So in conclusion let's set up a hypothetical scenario in which a covert narcissist comes face to face with a previous lifetime partner that they assaulted, discarded, and went no contact with.  Well that narc would of course be speechless and most likely simply play dumb and pretend not to recognize.  Yes that narc wiped all evidence of their treachery and cheating right from their memory banks.  If anything that narc might simply walk on by then exhibit their famous smirk.  After all they won the game.  The game someone else believed was a serious relationship.  Never in one hundred years would it occur to the narc to have even a moment's pause.  They simply go on never taking into account the damage they did.  After all everyone has their problems and why should that narc care at all.  They are too busy doing charitable work that matters and has high public visibility.  Yes in public they are a humanitarian that cares deeply about other people.  Sick.  But was the narc cold and calloused on their first breakup?  Maybe, maybe not.  It depends.   I have no doubt the cold hearted creep I was with never had an ounce of genuine compassion or empathy, but other narcs did.  Others actually cried and did have introspection on that first breakup.  But sadly they forgave themselves far to easily and that set them on the course that took them on the slippery slope that ultimately produced  a full fledged adult covert narcissist.  Even that young covert narc, when given all of the tools and specifically instructed on the hopeless future of a covert narcissist and the need to do what is right and take the harder path chose instead to tempt fate and do what was right in their own eyes.  They chose to ignore and eliminate a voice of reason and guidance in their lives.  Taking the easy way out can always be justified, but it leads to a pattern of thought and behavior that snowballs and becomes increasingly dysfunctional.  Yes that teenage narc is free to pursue their path and no one will stop them.  They know better and they know it all. They will play with fire and not get burned.  They aren't only special, they are more special and no one has suffered like they.  In their opinion and their opinion is the only one that counts.  They were loved, they were cared about, they had support but somehow none of that matters.  Their parents weren't perfect.  That gives them the license to victimize and disrespect and have no regard for the feelings of others.   To walk away and abandon at will with no remorse or conscience.  All of that before their twenty first birthday. Sad.  Yes early on all of those things are relatively benign.  But give it time.      

Thank you for watching.  Comments are welcomed.  Peace be with you.


End Credit Comments

Conventional wisdom dictates that only trained mental health professionals can diagnose someone as being a covert narcissist.  That would normally make sense.  But the covert narc is an expert at convincing others of their sanity, especially when the contact is confineded to a controlled environment with time limits.  The person truly qualified to make that judgment is the person who knows what that narc is like behind closed doors.  No one can ever know for sure what goes on inside of another human being, but recognizing covert narcissism isn't rocket science.  No empathy?  No remorse? Lying the blue from the sky and doubling down when confronted with contradictory proof?  No commitment?  Gaslighting?  Future faking?  Phony persona?  No empathy?  No remorse?  No guilt?  No conscience?  No loyalty?  Never taking responsibility for making any mistakes?... etc.  Many covert narcissists literally show every one of these traits, none of which are normal or typical.   Yes no one is perfect and we can all sometimes have some of these traits.  But when a person shows all of these signs continually they are a dead ringer for a covert narcissist.  The shoe fits.   Only those close to the narc can observe every one of these things.  So they are qualified.

Are there Too Many Narcissist Abuse Videos that all Say the Same Thing? A commenter posted a concern on one of my narcissist abuse videos entitled “The Goal of No Contact for the Discarded Victim: The Narc Must Be Dead to You” The video was apparently boring with nothing new to say. It nearly put this person to sleep. Yes, it seems that people are just jumping on the bandwagon and making videos to get viewership by covering a popular subject. Yes all of those videos go over the same material again and again. Now of course that commenter couldn't have possibly been someone that I know that doesn't appreciate me sharing my personal experiences. No they couldn't have possibly been a narcopath themselves. I'll give that person the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they were just being sincere. OK. It is just coincidence that they had absolutely nothing of any value to say and it was all negative. But I will allow you to judge that for yourself. The post is contained in the above mentioned video. The commenter has the option of removing that post as well as the conversation line containing my responses. My hope is that they leave the posts. That person has the right to their opinion. When asked to identify themselves as a narc or a narc abuse victim the conversation ended. So anyway was this person making a valid point? I tried to explain that each and every narc abuse video available on YouTube has its own unique perspective simply because each person making those videos is a unique individual that has had a unique experience. But the conversation went nowhere. Still was this person's argument valid? Not from my perspective or the perspective of the multitude of narc abuse survivors that I have personally had conversations with. But the point is missed by this person who seems to know everything that has already been presented by the numerous videos already available. Yes this person wants something “fresh” and “new”. Well good for them. But since when were narc survivors watching narc abuse videos for entertainment or to get cutting edge knowledge of covert narcissism? Most people just need to get a basic clear understanding of what covert narcissism is. Maybe this person had a detached but genuine curiosity. But if that person is really that interested in studying covert narcissism there is plenty of literature available that will go into far more depth and detail. The DSM, numerous peer reviewed journals, and innumerable books on narcissism are available just to name a few sources. Let that person study. Let them search and find the material not covered before. Then that person could make constructive suggestions. That would be helpful. Yes the argument that this person is watching to get something new and different could possibly be valid, but think about the subject matter. You have to remember that covert narcissists aren't complicated people. These narcs are actually very shallow human beings, all reading from a similar playbook, although they exhibit this behavior for many different causes. It is the inconceivable evil and irrational motivation of these narcissists that is very difficult for people to understand, so repetition is absolutely essential. Most people watch narc abuse videos for one reason and one reason alone. To get answers. Those answers are needed for the victim to put themselves together, to heal, to understand. NO new or fresh information on the subject of covert narcissism is required for that healing process to occur. But many different perspectives are necessary and needed for that person to get the information in the form that they can personally understand. After narc abuse the victim is devastated and has no idea what just happened to them. Many seek answers on their own and eventually are able to identify their ex as a covert narcissist. The paralyzed and nearly catatonic victim can barely function and one source of help is binging on the wide variety of narc abuse videos out there. My story of eating virtually nothing for 6 months is nothing new and the only thing that kept me going was hours upon hours of listening to the accounts of others. Those numerous videos made by numerous people from numerous perspectives in many different styles validated both the fact that the abuse I had suffered was real and validated that there was something very wrong with my ex partner. Yes many an abuse victim has been so psychologically abused and deliberately gaslit to the point of not even knowing what is real or fantasy. Many of these victims actually believe that they are to blame for it all. So repetition is needed and over time that victim finally understands. The very fact that someone is bored by the so called same information casts doubt on their victim status, but again, the conversation ended before any clarification was made. My original intent was to incorporate the first comment and my response on this video, but I will instead leave that conversation line in the hands of that person to do with as they please.

Going over the the same old details and descriptions of narcissists does seem like beating a dead horse. But for the narc abuse victim that is trying to understand what happened to them it’s absolutely essential to get this information. Repetition form every angle is essential and needed because it allows the irrational and nonsensical behavior of the covert narcissist that is unbelievable and inconceivable to finally be believed by the victim. Yes, the counterintuitive and destructive as well as nonproductive thought processes and motivational forces inside of the covert narcissist are not easily understood or even believable to the average person. The stark barren landscape inside that covert narcissist is frightening and takes your breath away and this is compounded many times over when the victim realizes that this is what was going on inside their ex partner's head all the while and they were totally unaware of it. The concept of someone taking on false personas and tailoring different personalities to different people and different situations is a story that takes many tellings to even be plausible. The duplicity, the treachery, the lying, the theft, the lack of conscience, remorse and empathy are not easy for someone to imagine possible. The wanton cruelty of the covert narc and the glee they have in bringing their previous soul mates to the edge is mind boggling. So the more people that give their unique experiences and perspectives the better. Only narcissists themselves want there to be a limit on the information. Most people spend a lifetime trying to cultivate functional behavior and become more mature and capable over time, so the concept of a person who cultivates and thrives on irrationality doesn't even make sense. It is literally unbelievable, but that doesn't mean it isn't true. It is true and the numerous accounts about these narcopathic creeps make covert narcissism an undeniable fact. Yes, the covert narc would be more than happy to have covert narcissism debunked and turned into a myth, a trope. Yes that narc would like nothing better than to twist reality and make all of those victims the crazy ones. But knowledge neutralizes the narc's power and the more of the same knowledge the better.

So those myriad of experiences shared as videos are a treasure trove, a God send, medicine to the recently discarded and vandalized narc abuse victim. I remember one anecdotal story that was particularly poignant to me at the time. I’m not 100% clear on the details or even who made these videos but it was a woman talking about a narcissist who had just flown to a distant city, will call it Chicago, and then had somebody pick them up at the airport on their return. The narcissist claimed they had just come from Los Angeles. However, it was clear that they had actually just arrived from Chicago. The baggage was claimed from a Chicago flight and all of the tags on that suitcase indicated that the flight that this person was on came from Chicago. So when the person was confronted with these facts, the obvious things that were clearly visible, such as those tags on the luggage, they doubled and triple down on their lie that they had been to Los Angeles. That narc started making up more detailed lies about having been to LA in the face of obvious facts. This very anecdote cleared up all of the doubts I had had about the numerous questionable and fanciful tales that my ex insisted were true.
Yes, the average person could never conceive of somebody being such a lying duplicitous sack of filth that they would hold onto a lie even in the face of obvious facts that were clearly visible and totally contradicted everything the narc was saying. That nugget of information played itself out multiple times when the narc revisited me. I showed that narc incontrovertible evidence that what they were saying was false and they doubled down without batting and eye. Yes that narc gave me two occasions to watch a liar in action and just to be sure I did question them and true to form that narc doubled down on their deception. Carefully observing and testing the validity of this bizarre pathological lying confirmed everything. Sure enough that narc even when confronted with the truth refused to admit to it. In fact, they even embellished the lie further.
Yes another presentation describing the incredible cruelty and depraved indifference of an ex narcopathic girlfriend gave me keen insight and confirmed further suspicions I had had about that narc ex having zero empathy or concern or loyalty to me. Yes, my worst suspicions were confirmed. As unbelievable as it was to me at the time those accounts made it clear that narcopaths don't care about or love anyone but themselves.
Yes some people's presentations were long winded but to a person who was barely hanging on and searching for wisdom it was like panning for gold and oftentimes the patience was paid off with great nuggets of wisdom hidden inside that jargon. The jargon of a victim who had walked the path and was far further along the journey of recovery than I. Every now and then those nuggets of wisdom were custom-made for the my particular situation. That victim had experienced what I had experienced and the insight shared was invaluable. The answers revealed by some of those personal videos made all of the difference. Those nuggets of wisdom give the victim a foothold, a grasp on reality again, allowing that victim to pull themselves a little further out of the deep hole that narc put them in.
It goes without saying that narcopaths think there are too many videos on covert narcissism. Yes, those narcs think a handful of videos are enough since as far as the narc is concerned and according to the narc each and every video is covering the same ground. But is that really the narcopaths concern? Are they really trying to be helpful? Of course not. The narc's real goal is to stop the conversation, to shut it down. To stop the exposure of their kind. That possible narcopth might think they are making a good argument about there being too many videos that all cover the same ground. Yes, that might make sense and be a logical argument for a narcopath, but the victim has a very different point of view. They need answers and the greater the variety the more numerous the perspectives the better. Victims take years and possibly decades to overcome the overwhelming and comprehensive abuse and damage the narcopath does to them on a spiritual, mental, and emotional level, not to mention the possibility of the lingering effects of physical abuse. So narcs and curiosity seekers who aren't narc abuse victims see no point whatsoever in all of these videos being made. Only an uninformed person or a covert narcissist who could never understand would come to the conclusion that these videos are being made solely to seek popularity. The damage these narcopathic creeps do is real and runs deep and it is the victim's primary objective to stay as positive and as productive as possible in an effort to diffuse and eventually eliminate all of the deep seated hostility and toxicity the narc gifted them with. Yes not seeking an eye for and eye, and resisting the urge to respond in kind is a very difficult task and that requires knowledge and work and study. That victim seeks to heal themselves without doing what comes naturally in the form of seeking revenge. That is the mine field that the narc has left their victim in and many a victim blows themselves up trying to make the narc pay. The path to mental and emotional health as well as spiritual health is to leave that narc to their own peril and walk away. Other victim's accounts in the form of video presentations can be helpful in showing how that seemingly impossible task can be achieved. Each and every victim that has walked that path has done it in their own way and therefore each and every video is unique and helpful to certain people. Yes covert narcissists all act the same and the descriptions of these sacks of filth can be uninteresting, even boring, but the victims who have overcome the abuse of these creeps have stories and solutions and descriptions of covert narcissists that are infinitely interesting and each viewpoint is worth listening to. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.