The Crimes of the Covert Narcissist: Numerous metaphors are used to describe covert narcissists: demons, vampires, the embodiment of evil, etcetera. The list goes on and these terms are appropriate as well as useful in that they give insight into the type of creeps these covert narcissists are below the surface. But what exactly are these covert narcissists guilty of? What are their crimes, their sins? Well part of the problem is that the covert narcissist is covert, they are very adept at hiding their evil from others, even those closest to them. Nothing is as it appears with a narcissist. The narc may at times actually convince themselves that their fake outer noble and positive persona is genuine, but that narc is usually well aware of the game they are playing and the lies told to keep everyone around them guessing, in the dark, and most importantly under the narc's control. Yes, many an outsider can't fathom why the target of a narc can't react to a breakup like everyone else. The outrageous behavior of the narc and totally calloused and gleeful approach they take by purposely doing emotional damage in that seemingly normal breakup is known only to the victim. Outsiders are told that the target is the crazy and irrational one and the cold demeanor of the narc seems to show that the narc is in fact the rational one. But again this is only what it appears to be on the surface to those who have never conceived of the depths of depravity that covert narcissists sink to. So what exactly and precisely are those narcissists crimes? Well, before we engage in this discussion let's take the advice of the Bible and look in the mirror, realizing that it is far easier to spot the splinter in another person's eye and be ignorant of the log in our own. Yes, the target wasn't vigilant, was too willing to believe in the narc, didn't scrutinize or simply believed in the good of that narc despite the numerous verifiable lies that were told. Surely most of what that narc was presenting to their confidant and best friend and intimate partner was true, wasn't it? Well sadly, only later does the target find out that no, almost everything that narc was presenting to the target was a lie. The narc, their persona, everything they said and did with regard to the victim, including every promise made, every future event planned, and every commitment made was mere posturing and game playing because that narc is the epitome of a fake, phony, fraud. The poster child of charlatanism. We tend to call the victim of the covert narcissist an em path and that is a good description since it defines a person who does want to put themselves in another person's shoes and understand. The narc, of course is drawn to this and plays the perfect victim in the form of the lost waif looking for a savior or the misunderstood rebel that is really soft and vulnerable on the inside among many other ploys. Yes, that feigned vulnerability and need to be understood draw the em paths like flies. Of course the em path is not a perfect person as the narcissist is quick to point out in the devaluation phase of the relationship. Yes the em path's faults are embellished, fabricated, magnified, even warped by that narc, and without a doubt some of the narc's criticisms are spot on, but that is beside the point. The em path is only a human being and flawed, just as every other human on earth is, but that em path was genuine. That can never be said for the narcissist. More importantly, the em path took many of those criticisms to heart and tried to improve upon themselves. Why? Because that em path actually took the relationship seriously and had an actual goal of trying to build a harmonious, peaceful relationship that could last a lifetime. Yes, people pleasing and putting up with a partner's nasty behavior isn't necessarily the right thing to do and that is one of the areas the em path failed. The greater problem with the em path is that they simply couldn't get themselves to heed the obvious red flags in their partner. That em path never truly scrutinized the narc's inconsistent stories and brushed those lies off as white lies. After all it became obvious very early on that calling a narc out on their lies got them nowhere anyway. But the em path chose to see only the good in that narc and chose to believe in them. Yes, that was a function of love and love can be and maybe even should be partially blind if two people are to ever bond and get along peacefully. The problem was not expecting that same leeway from the narc. But the em path's lack of scrutiny and willingness to believe the narc early on was the major miscalculation. Yes the em path's lack of scrutiny, wanting to believe was a major blunder. But let's be clear, the narc purposely hid all of their duplicity and treachery from the victim at the beginning in the idealization phase and then slowly and purposefully bound that target into their web of deception. No one could blame the em path for lack of judgment once they were under the spell of that narc's chicanery. In the middle of a relationship with a covert narc the victim has been actively blinded and mesmerized and at that point has lost the ability to discern the truth no matter how increasingly obvious the narc's incontinence becomes. The signs of a lack of love, a lack of loyalty, lack of commitment, a lack of any empathy coming from the narc do hit that target in the head and get their attention, but by then the fog and ambiguity and disorientation prevent that victim from putting together the pieces or even focusing to see things clearly. Now onto the covert narcissist and their crimes and this ties directly in to the original point concerning observations by outsiders that are convinced that the target and not the narc are the irrational ones. Yes, many a victim falls into the clutches of a narc and is convinced they are in a normal relationship, especially when that concept of covert narcissism is inconceivable. So that target loves that narc and has made that lifetime commitment and believed that the narc's promises, commitments and proclaimed love were just as genuine as their own. No person dating in this day and age ever has 100 percent certainty that a relationship will last forever and realistically speaking, yes, two people can grow apart and part ways for almost any reason. So, in theory a person could be in a relationship with a covert narcissist, have a breakup and never realize that person they were with was a narc. The problems occur when that narc shows their true colors, drops their mask either deliberately or inadvertently and decides that the previous partner needs to be suddenly and without warning disposed of. This produces a shock to the partner and disorientation, as well as a need to make sense of things, now that the partner's whole world has been turned upside down. The narc typically has already moved on and has no incentive whatsoever to show any sympathy for the victim's plight. That ex partner is now simply in the way and the questions that ex has are an inconvenience. The next stage is when that narc actually purposefully emotionally tortures their ex by design, with their new partner as a willing accomplice. Yes, take a victim who has just suffered a major shock, lost everything important to them and start playing games with a person that is already on the edge. Compound all of that by convincing everyone that the target is the one who was unhinged and the abuser and that narc has literally sucked every ounce of energy from that target and stolen it for themselves. So the narc's true crimes, their sins start to become visible when we see the truth of that relationship with the ex and the true nature of that discard and how it was executed. Clearly observing that depraved way that narc abused their ex brings to light the true extent and nature of that narc's crimes. It would have taken minimal effort, just an ounce of concern for someone other than themselves and a minimal amount of effort for that narc to leave the relationship smoothly and enjoy the new life that they had been cultivating and planning right under the nose of their ex. But the very fact that the narc didn't even have a minimal concern for a person they proclaimed to love just days previous says volumes about the stark, soulless environment under the skin of that ghoul. A person could be forgiven for not empathizing with a stranger in a distant location, but how is it possible to not have an ounce of concern for a previous “soul mate”? How is it even conceivable that years of loyalty, as questionable as it was, could suddenly be shifted to a complete stranger overnight? Yes those judgmental outsiders would never believe the outrageous scenario the narc put that former ex through. But let's look at things from the narc's point of view, empathize so to speak. That narc has a lack of empathy, no conscience and no remorse and the argument can be made that for at least some narcissists that is just how they were born. We know for many of these creeps they made an active decision to live only for themselves and years of debauchery made them lose whatever conscience they were born with. But let's give the benefit of the doubt and call the narc a victim of genetics and environment. Let's allow for the possibility that the narc is not to blame for their lack of empathy and remorse and for not having a conscience. Let's go one step further and allow the possibility that the narc doesn't fully know that each and every fake relationship they build is a fake. The reality is that most narcs do know the game they are playing and never have any intention of doing any more than extracting fuel from that target. Most narc's knowingly deceive, but let's give the benefit of the doubt. So if this narc was a victim who was born without the capacity to love or have genuine concern for another human being they might be forgiven for simply reaching out to another person for a relationship in whatever capacity they can partake in it. No one could fault that narc for seeking that relationship and not wanting to be alone. You might even somehow make the point that a narc not being able to fully comprehend the value of love, can't appreciate that love and therefore is constantly searching for a the next relationship that might produce contentment and joy and peace. OK, point made. So if we follow that logic, we conclude that the narc should be left alone since they never really meant any harm. But is that how it plays out in the real world? Yes, that narc could go from relationship to relationship, show a minimum of fake compassion and move on, but do they? Unfortunately for the pile of victims in that narc's wake, no they don't. That narc extracts everything from that relationship and takes it all for themselves and the incredible negative impact, the cost to their victims is multitudes greater than any small pleasure, or benefit they get from shirking their responsibility as an adult in a relationship they seek to exit. That narc refuses to honor the debt, the responsibility they incurred by verbally and under false pretense committing to a relationship. Yes a few grains of gain for the narc cost the victim their entire existence. So that crime of the narc becomes obvious. They don't have an ounce of concern for anyone but themselves. Not an ounce of concern for a person they purposely deceived and extracted a genuine relationship from. But the crime goes further. It isn't enough the victim is destroyed. The narc then in their own warped mind can't help themselves but to self righteously deny that previous partner any answers and then decides to even take advantage of that situation. They then flaunt their new relationship and remove any last vestige of their previous partner's self esteem and self confidence. So yes even if somehow that narc is a narc through no fault of their own, that can never be used as an excuse for the damage they do to others. That narc is an adult human being and culpable for all of their actions towards others. It isn't necessarily their narcissism that hangs the narc in the end, it is how that narcissism, that cold hearted lack of concern for anyone but themselves, plays itself out in other people's lives. That is the narc's crime and it is inexcusable. That narc only puts on an act of concern for others when it is to their advantage in the idealization and mirroring phase. The true nature of the beast only shows up when there is no longer any gain for the narcissist. How foolish can a human being be to incur such a huge cosmic debt that could have been totally avoided for a minimal outlay? Yes we are now looking at a love relationship as simply a transaction with no emotions attached to it. We are looking at a relationship in the same detached coldness as a narcissist and even under these stark conditions it is inconceivable that a person wouldn't have enough sense to at least take into account that they will one day have to pay for all of the evil and harm that they have done. That would keep most people up at night. Yes we reap what we sow whether we believe in God or not, because God does exist and is in control. Yes that narc is a slave to sin, a greatly indebted individual who has committed crimes that warrant a jail sentence and public exposure and they go nowhere without always looking over their shoulder. Yes the narc has a history, they have numerous sins and those crimes follow the narc wherever that narc goes. The narc, despite all of their denial is aware of those crimes. In many ways the narc is actually proud of all that they have gotten away with, but that is just the equivalent of whistling in the dark. Only Jesus can take away that debt, can give that narc a chance to have peace and joy and walk in the sun, no longer worrying about what is in their past and with the ability to look forward to a bright future. But a phony, patronizing, lying acknowledgment of “having found God” with no evidence of anything but more lying and deception shows that so called conversion to be yet another ruse in an effort to manipulate. Targets victimized by narcs have a responsibility to themselves to learn about narcissism and learn about what made them vulnerable to narcissists. Yes sometimes trusting others and assuming the best is the fool's way and it is the target's responsibility to no longer be a fool. There is no need to be paranoid and cynical and assume the worst of others, that is the narc's way of looking at the world and that philosophy hardly qualifies as wisdom. No, we continue to think the best of others, but we will be aware and be more vigilant, and be less willing to give away trust without doing our homework. Living in a dark world where you always assume everyone is lying and has ulterior motives may make you less vulnerable to being deceived, but looking at the world in that warped way produces all sorts of other misconceptions and in the end that person creates more problems for themselves than they ever solved. We will leave that world view to the narcissist. No wonder they are miserable people with no hope. It is the target's responsibility to gain knowledge and understanding of covert narcissism and see where they failed. The target does need to understand their role in the dysfunction of the relationship while at the same time realizing that the full culpability for the abuse in that relationship rested solely on the shoulders of the narcissist. Yes an informed victim does his or her homework and is amazed at how they can learn to spot a liar. Those narcs go through every tell and it is quite amusing to see someone lie in real time while you know they are lying. Call the narc out on an obvious lie and they double down, never admitting anything. No we won't be giving away what we know to narcissists because they will simply try to find another way to get around the “tells”. Public agencies have decoded lying and that information is available. Continuous vigilance and scrutiny in an effort to discern fact from fiction in our everyday lives is no longer an issue for the informed target, since we will be avoiding narcissists in the future. But we will make it a point to be more aware in our dealings with all people. We will, however, never lose our optimism, or our belief that many people are good and have good intentions that are genuine. So what is the chief crime of the narcissist? Not caring about anyone but themselves and being selfish to such a depraved level that it would boggle the average person's mind. All of the narc's evil actions stem from that lack of concern, lack of even the slightest concern about others. The average person can't conceive of the moral corruption that lurks in that narc's psyche and that is what allows narcs to ply their trade covertly and allows them to convince others that the victim is the person in the wrong. We know better. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you. Take Note: Covert Narcissism is real, it exists. It's a fact of life that these people are roaming free in open society. There can never be a law against narcissism, because the covert narc is usually very careful in the way they abuse. Only when the narc is under pressure do they place themselves in potential legal jeopardy. It is the victim/target's most important task to not give the narc anything “to work with”. That narc will twist everything the ex partner does and make that person appear to be the perpetrator. The take away is this: Once you know you have been dealing with a covert narcissist partner NEVER EVER trust these people again or make yourself vulnerable. Not emotionally, not legally, not financially. Any potential “reform” in a situation where there might be an obligation on the victim's part to resume a relationship means that trust will need to be earned by that narc over years and possibly decades. But who would ever want to live that way? Yes covert narcissism is a fact of life but many will never believe. All we can do is warn people and create awareness.

Channel Update/Misconceptions of the Narc Abuse Target/The Fate of the Narcissist Just a quick channel update to my viewers. Thank you for the support and feedback over the past year and a half. Some concern was expressed about my situation. Yes I am here and I am currently in the process of moving and that is requiring all of my focus and attention. Much is being learned that will hopefully provide material for future videos. I have a completed script that I will be working on once time becomes available. So in the interim I will share some of my current thoughts on narcissism. I will break those thoughts down into two areas of interest: The first theme will be an effort to shed light on some major misconceptions the victim has after being discarded by a narcissist. That process will focus on the Herculean task the victim has of reinterpreting every experience they lived through for the period of time they spent with the narcissist. The damage a narcissist does to their partner is multifaceted. One of the major ways that harm is done is by creating a warped sense of reality in a previously sane and grounded partner. That phony fantasy world the narc draws the victim into creates a faulty perception of the narcissist in the victim's mind and causes that victim to have a faulty interpretation of what that relationship meant in the arc of their life. So a key component of the healing process is replacing those false mental images and ideas and the emotions that result from those illusions with the actual facts of the situation. Once the target correctly and accurately perceives the actual impact of that narcissistic relationship on their lives and sees the truth, the reality of that narcissist, they will be able to frame that relationship more accurately and put things into perspective. Yes, the fog does need to clear if we are ever to see things for what they actually are. Yes, the gaslighting, the mirroring, the reframing, the projection, the future faking, the lies, the treachery, just about all of the narc's wiles were all designed to create ambiguity, “fog”, confusion. Take away the misperception and that narc and the relationship come clearly into focus. Make no mistake the true appearance of that narcissist and that relationship will take the victim's breath away and make them nauseous, so it may take some time to adapt to the shock of it all. Sometimes harsh reality needs to be accepted in small doses, but regaining sanity and a sense of reality demands it. The second theme will be to share some current thoughts on the narcissist and their future fate. One of the first things that I noticed right after the treacherous discard and attack by that narcissist was that I somehow still felt close to and loved the person who had been so devious, treacherous, and evil towards me. Yes that narcissist came back to my place of work weeks later threatening me and curiously enough I still felt joy at having that creep close to me. That made no sense and yet it made all the sense in the world when you realize that you were still very much in love with the person you spent the last 2 ½ years of your life with. Yes the sack of filth standing before you was no longer that person and in fact was never that person, but still something inside of you hoped that your ex was somehow present inside of that ghoul. You were mistaken and only after learning about covert pathological narcissism could you even begin to understand how mistaken you were. Even in those early days I realized I was probably going to have to go through some sort of major learning process to finally deeply understand and comprehend how wrong that relationship with the narcissist was, what an incredible tragedy it was that this person came into my life. Using logic and reason and the realization of how totally fake the whole encounter with the narc was made it clear there was nothing good in that relationship, but my heart and emotions could only accept the “good” of it all. So to a discarded victim that demon was somehow still an angel and the future that narc and you planned out was the only version of happiness and joy that you could even conceive of. Yes I still believed that narc was the answer to my prayers sent by the forces of good, not the emissary of Satan they were in actuality. So it became clear to me very early on as I learned more and more about covert narcissism and the farce that was perpetrated upon me that I would eventually have to fully understand how wrong that relationship was and how destructive and evil a force that person was in my life. Yes, it seemed logical and rational that ultimately when I finally understood those two facts the departure of the narc would be seen for what it was in actuality: a blessing not a curse. But despite all of that slowly growing enlightenment, throughout all of those months of suffering my heart was still desperately holding on to the future that I had planned with this person. Knowledge gives power and the undeniable reality was that my ex was a covert pathological narcissist and that meant the person that I loved and believed in was simply a fabricated phony persona. That love, that loyalty, that future together and all of those plans, in fact every single interaction with that sick narcopath were merely game playing by a creature pretending to be a human being. So the battle rages on inside of the victim where the mind, logic and reason, the facts fight against the heart and soul taken over by a narcissist virus, causing the victim to tightly cling to the fantasy that the narcissist created. The sad outcome is a disintegrated human being suffering from cognitive dissonance. That virus of dysfunctional irrational illogical thinking transfers directly from the narc to the victim but make no mistake the narc plays an active role in infecting their target. The narc is the one who gaslights and deceives in every conceivable way until the target believes every lie without question and totally buys in to the fantasy world that narc custom makes for the occasion. Yes for the victim it is a lifetime commitment and the narc echoes that sentiment with their lips. But the fact is this is only another “occasion” for the narc and there is no way on earth the self deluded narc would ever belittle themselves and limit their life experience to a relationship with one insignificant human being. After all the narc's grandiosity complex dictates that they are god. Yes even a narc who grants a lifetime relationship to a chosen partner always sees the situation as one of lowering themselves and the resentment shows in the boorish hideous treatment these chosen “loved” ones have to endure behind closed doors. So the admonitions and heartfelt advice of some telling a victim to move on is well received. But we always have to realize that each individual and each individual's encounter with a narcissist is unique. To put this on a personal note, yes I feel that I have moved on and I am nearly healed. The person that was reduced to a confused, shocked, stunned human being desperately trying to understand what happened to them has learned what happened to him and is no longer confused. That person that fought hard to find out the truth has now found out the truth and accepted that harsh reality. Yes, throughout the months of learning about narcissism and mentally understanding what narcissism is all about my heart had different notions altogether but with time that heart did let go and did understand. But we all have a subconscious and no one has command of that portion of their mind. I can tell you that within the last three days I had another dream about that narcissist being so dissatisfied and me desperately wanting that person to be happy, to please them and what a relief it was when that narc finally threw me a few crumbs of approval. But that was in my dream and it told me that even now subconsciously I have not fully moved on or gotten over it even though I continue to progress mentally. That is a fact and denying that reality will not aid in a full recovery. Just look at the sad outcome of those who refuse to see reality and deny it, fight it. Just look at narcissists and what happens to a person who will never live in a world of reality, a world shared with others. True healing for the victim requires seeing things as clearly as possible. The important thing is that I now do understand that the narc was a force of evil in my life and I do feel fortunate for that creature being removed from my environment despite those residual attachments to the fantasy that narc created. So then we come to the narcissist themselves and their fate. The target eventually gets to a point where the fate of that narcissist is of minimal concern to them, but yet they are still curious and wondering to one extent or another what will happen to the narcopath. Yes it's hard to believe a treacherous deviant will simply walk away from all of the damage they did and not have to pay. But the target allows for that possibility, since God is in control and has purposes that are beyond any human being's comprehension. That leaves the target with peace and the possibility of living a life filled with joy. Well here’s the reality for that narcissist. Yes, that narc discarded you, found a weasel that was more than willing to destroy another human being they didn’t even know and viciously triangulated in their sick Karpman triangle. That narc mostly got it all their way except for the fact that the victim was still breathing and then had the audacity to actually put the effort in to repair the damage that narc perpetrated. Then the narc came up with their new ruse. Yes that narc moved on and has been rewarded. That narc has now met the right person in the right place at the right time. “True love”, with a “real man”, in an ideal environment, the place she was always meant to be. Let's forget about the cost of that achievement, after all it was borne by others and they are forgotten and discarded. Yes all of the components for the life that narc always thinks they deserved are in place. But there is a problem. Yes, even if we ignore the treachery, the multiple commitments made and walked away from. Even if we ignore the pile of victims in that narc's past, there is a problem. Yes, the kids are out of the house and the decks have been cleared of the unworthy but there is a problem. Let's ignore the fact that two years after the discard the damage that narc has done to her previous lifetime partner and soul mate still surrounds that forgotten one as his life is being held together with intense effort and intermittently threatening to fall to pieces. There is still a problem. Yes the narc has now met the right person at the right time in the right place under all of the right circumstances. As a bonus the narc has created the ultimate persona to go along with this ideal circumstance. There “final” persona. Yes that narc is smiling and happy and believes they have now finally found peace, joy, and contentment. But there is a problem and in fact there are multiple problems. Somehow the narc believes that just pretending their treachery never existed, denying that anything that was previously done actually occurred makes that narc think they are no longer responsible for the damage they have done. So the narc blindly goes on into their new life thinking that somehow everything will be just great and fine. But that’s not how the world works because even though that narc thinks they are the center of the world and even though they think that they control it all, the average sane human being understands that is a total delusion on the part of the narcissist. So that narc wanted our concern and our empathy. They wanted us to focus all of our attention on them and devote our lives to them and we did. Then they tired of it and threw us away finding a new source to satiate their warped appetite for destruction and now somehow that narc thinks that life will reward them with everything they ever wanted. Well, that won’t happen. The narc has baggage. The narc has a history. The narc has a pile of victims from their past a mile high and they will never be able to escape that reality. More important than all of those truths is the simple fact that the narc is blind to the fact that they have done this over and over and over again throughout their lives. Of course we always focus on the victims of these narcopathic sacks of filth and that is right to do, but that narc is also a victim of themselves. Every initial involvement was ideal for the narc as they idealized and mirrored the new and exciting soul mate and lifetime partner of the moment. Yes, the narc no longer wanted your care or your concern and you as an em path had to learn that it isn’t your obligation to heal another human being or to take responsibility for their happiness. It's not your responsibility to try to reason with a narc and make them understand. There is no talking reason and logic to someone who is repulsed by the truth. So the narc is headed for the cliff and you are unable to do a thing about it. Your hands are tied and the narc won't even listen. So that narc's fate plays itself out and that narc will destroy themselves by their own hand, either rapidly or slowly. It doesn't really matter, they are the masters of their destiny but they fail to see their own poor judgment and inability to navigate through or appreciate the precious opportunity that is life. So the narc deteriorates over time. Yes, that narc is destroying themselves and what we have learned is that the narcissist is their own enemy. Their misery has always come at their own hand and yet they’ve always pointed to another human being as the source of it. That narc can change their location and go to the most ideal tropical setting and have what they seemingly think is the most ideal life with the most ideal person and they will never be happy, they will always be miserable human beings. They will never have peace, they will never have joy, they will never have contentment, they will never be satisfied, and after all of the misery that they brought upon themselves they will never be able to really blame anyone but themselves because they did have opportunities. There were people who cared, there were people with insight into their lives that wanted to make a difference. Ultimately that narc will have to come face-to-face with their maker and there will be no one to point the finger at. The victim will similarly not be pointing to the narcissist for their woes. We are all responsible for ourselves and our behavior as human beings. So, does the victim need to wish that narc well? They can if they want to and have the desire to. Does the victim need to hope for the best when it comes to that narc? Sure if they feel the need to. We endeavor to do no harm to the narc, but is it OK to just be numb and neutral? It isn't like we didn't try or turned our back on the narc. So yes, in my opinion it's fine to no longer care at all what that narc's ultimate fate is, good or bad. The tragedy that surrounds us may well be primarily a result of that narcissist showing up at our doorstep, but ultimately the decision made to love that person and allow that person into our lives and our hearts and our minds was our own. Yes, we have to understand what it was inside of us that allowed us to make such a grievous mistake, but we should also take ourselves “off the hook”. Most of us could never conceive of and had never heard of a covert pathological narcissist. Most of us had no reason to doubt that narcissist or their sincerity. The narc on the other hand was well aware of the game being played. Now they believe that they will be rewarded? OK, Just like a previous video I maintain their past will haunt them not because of remorse, but because of fear. Even a narc has to realize eventually evil acts catch up with you. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

What the Covert Narcissist Fears Most: The covert narc is devoid of almost all of the positive emotions that most humans are capable of feeling, but they are not without emotion. The narc has been given a full capacity for feeling the negative emotions of envy and hatred. The narc is jealous of everyone that even has the slightest appearance of being better off or more accomplished than they. But the narc's greatest vulnerability lies in their ability to feel fear. So what exactly does the narc fear? Looking into this aspect of the narc opens up the whole gamut of what covert narcissism is all about. The narc is all about breaking rules while appearing to abide by them. The narc always seeks the advantage in any situation and one of the main ways of gaining an advantage is to use the morality, the true compassion, the empathy of others as tools of manipulation. Yes moral codes of conduct mean that others in the narc's environment are more predictable and therefore more easily manipulated. Moral codes of conduct also leave open a world of untapped possibilities and opportunities that others with morality would never contemplate. Sane people aren't paranoid and most people want to think the best of others. The narc couldn't be happier than to have someone believe that people are basically good. “Yes, keep on believing in the good of others while I pretend to be good publicly and live like a devil where no one can see” is the narc's attitude. The narc sees their opening by skirting all of the rules of morality. For example, the narc sees nothing wrong at all with having an affair if they can get away with it and this illustrates the narc's mentality and attitude perfectly. The narc's attitude is that they can find untapped possibilities by treading where no moral person would ever go. In the narc's mind this opens up all sorts of otherwise lost opportunities. So that affair is simply the narc having pleasure by not being concerned about the rules of morality. To the narc moral people are simply missing out on that fun. Many other examples could be given, but the bottom line is that the narc isn't bound by conscience, isn't effected by remorse and has zero empathy for any person that is harmed by their actions. This means the narc is free to take advantage of any opportunity that comes their way with little or no repercussions to themselves (their psyche). But it also means the narc has much to hide, much that must remain secret. The key to living this way is to be covert, appearing to be a totally different person than they actually are. This is the motivation behind the narc's many masks and personas. Those personas mean that the narc is in control and has convinced many that their outer persona is real. Only the narc has the inside information, the knowledge that this persona is all a ruse. Yes that mask is fully fabricated by the narc and one of that narc's biggest thrills is pulling off the sham and making people believe. The beauty of it all is that when the narc tires of that persona, or the environment, or the job or the relationship they will simply create yet another persona and entrap a whole new set of people to the next persona. The narc goes through life and perfects this duplicitous lifestyle and refines these false masks to a point where they can juggle two or three at the same time, tailoring every one of those personas to the appropriate environment. Yes, that is the nature of the narc's addiction, an addiction to duplicity, lying, and deception. The foundation of all of this is the narc's soul mate, their true companion that they have bonded to for life, their true lifetime partner that they have wedded themselves to: the lie. So when you look at the scope of a narcissist's life it becomes clear they are all about deception, lying and duplicity. Those narcs are addicted to living a lie and in fact would cease to exist if forced to be honest and truthful. Why? Because sadly, that narc is literally a hollow human being that abdicated their humanity somewhere in their early childhood. Yes putting on an act was so much easier than dealing with their own broken inner self. So the narc abandoned themselves in pursuit of the lie, the false persona, and in doing so much of the pain and suffering, much of the work that would have been required to build up that broken inner self, their real persona, was simply avoided. Instead the easy way out was to pretend. Yes many in that narc's environment would simply believe in that narc's fake persona and that meant the narc could have a persona that was far more accomplished, far grander than the actual narc themselves. Yes in the beginning that narc's grandiose statements were obvious chicanery, easily detected by others, but over time the narc refined their duplicity and more and more people believed. But the narc lost themselves in the process and now there is literally nothing, no one home deep inside that narc. If you look hard enough there is an immature child somewhere inside that narc that never developed into an adult, huddled in the corner hiding and incapable of interacting with the real world. But in essence the narc is empty and therefore their very existence now depends on maintaining a sham, deceiving others about themselves. Yes deep inside that narc knows they are empty. So the narc is now dependent on lies, duplicity, misdirection, and treachery. The narc is dependent on one false mask after another. The narc is forever mimicking and mirroring and plagiarizing the genuine personas of others and forever searching but never finding. No that narc will never find themselves, never find peace, never find contentment, never escape chaos. No that narc will never ever be able to feel comfortable with themselves because they are literally living a lie. So the question might be asked what if a narc stuck to one persona and “made it work”? Well the narc couldn't and wouldn't ever do that. Why? Because the narc knows that the persona is fake, is one dimensional, is fabricated and being that the narc knows this they are totally unfulfilled by even the most ideal situation. Yes that narc may find someone who loves them and cares, but to the narc this isn't real at all. First and foremost the narc can't appreciate the love and commitment of their partner, they don't have the emotional capacity to, and second the narc feels detached from all of that devotion because it is directed to a fabricated persona that the narc has created. The love from their partner is literally not owned by the narc at all in their mind, but instead directed to one of their disposable personas. So it becomes clear that for the narc to “own that love” they would need to own that fabricated persona and that is intolerable to the narcissist. Instead, the narc simply drains all of the energy out of the relationship and the partner using that false persona as the conduit. The narc is emotionally detached from both the partner and the relationship and really hasn't even committed to their own persona, their own false self. No the narc will move on eventually and create a newer, seemingly “better” persona and that new persona will be different but make no mistake it will be every bit as fake as the last one and therefore every bit as unsatisfying. So eventually the narc will get bored of both themselves (that fabricated self) and their new situation. That is the nature of covert narcissism. So now it becomes clear why the narcissist fears the truth, because it literally destroys them. The narc's very fabric, very substance is constructed of lies, making the term fabricated persona very appropriate. That persona is an amalgam of false experiences, mirrored and plagiarized traits that were simply stolen from other people mixed with the narc's embellished and modified actual experiences, but it is the lie that binds them all together. The truth, or the light would literally dissolve that narc and leave nothing behind. All the narc has and has ever had for the greater majority of their lives is one fake phony persona after another and that is all the narc will ever have. So what does the narc fear? Any person who insists on the truth, exposes the narc for what they are, exposes the narc's actions and words, pins that narcissist down and forces them to own their treachery, duplicity, and debauchery. So now it becomes clear why that covert narc deceives and gaslights and confuses. That narcissist is literally fighting for their existence. Yes that fake persona is all they have and all they are. The narc understands full well that no matter how well constructed, that fake persona will simply collapse like a house of cards if ever scrutinized in the light of truth, so the narc absolutely needs ambiguity and confusion, needs to have all the people that surround them in a fog. Now it becomes clear why the narc simply can't understand the value of the truth. In fact the narc hates the truth and most definitely loves the lie. The truth, and any clear thinking individual that sees through that narc's act is that covert narcissist's biggest nightmare. Coupled to that fear of the truth is fear of exposure, which is simply a revelation of the truth in any given environment. In this scenario the narc's life substance may not be at risk, but their ability to be treacherous and duplicitous is greatly reigned in. This makes the narc feel constrained and the narc's solution to that problem will be to simply make plans on changing their environment. When a region of a state has been exhausted the next stage is to move far away where there will be free reign to once again play their wicked game and perpetrate their ruse on a whole new frontier of ready victims. The beauty of this is that the narc can make up any story they wish about their past and the reality, the truth will be far away and out of reach to those new victims who are once again being preyed upon by that evil covert narcissist. So, aside from being constrained, what else is it about exposure that narc's fear? Well that narc cherishes their fake public “billboard” and they would never want their sordid acts and the abusive boorish behavior that is displayed behind closed doors to ever be publicly found out. So publicly the narc will say they love the truth and want honesty and transparency. Publicly that narc will put on the act of morality and compassion and even fake empathy, but it is all a phony display designed by the narc to get their much needed and wanted public attention and to be seen as a fine person. Then and only then are the good things in this world appreciated by the narc, because those publicly broadcast positive emotions are an absolute necessity for that narc to get that adulation that they so crave. Yes evil people do exist and the list of traits for evil people, lack of empathy, remorse and conscience, etc. describe the covert narcissist perfectly. So the narc will always fear the truth, fear being found out, fear being exposed, fear having that fine public persona shown to be what it is: fake. Yes those narcs are fake phony frauds through and through and they will always hate the truth because it stops them cold in their tracks and dissolves their very life substance, everything they are and all of the lies they hold so dear. The truth shatters the narc's public image and what lies behind that facade is not a pretty sight. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

Can a Covert Narcissist Reform? We all enter this world with a set of circumstances that are beyond our control. Our genetic makeup dictates many of our behaviors and the ability to feel empathy and have a conscience has proven genetic links. So the ability to feel empathy and have a conscience exhibits itself on a broad spectrum when you look at a cross section of the human race. Some individuals simply have a very low capacity to feel another's pain or care at all about another human being. Some people are born with a very weak conscience. The other aspect of what forms a person's emotional and psychological makeup is the environment that the person develops in. Morality and a world view and the principals of how we respond to the other people we come in contact with are absorbed by children naturally as they observe their parents interact with the people and circumstances those parents encounter as life unfolds. Yes parents teach their children right and wrong but many times it is the actual examples that parents show their children that have the most impact on that child. For instance, a parent that is sexually immoral and a liar may preach chastity and truthfulness but the child sees the reality of the situation and that parent's words carry no weight. So that child will pick up hypocrisy in a parent and this gives many a child license to do as they please since they see that the parent isn't living up to those high moral standards they are expecting of the child. Children also pick up on all of the bad habits of their parents, so a child that grows up with a pathological liar as a parent will pick that up and get into the dysfunctional habit of thinking that there is absolutely nothing at all wrong with lying. That child will observe their parent using lies to get what they need as well as get out of situations that would otherwise have dire consequences. So that child absorbs and picks up the utility of the lie, the usefulness of the lie. This same pattern plays itself out in many other ways, for example making a girl that sees her mother abused by her father somehow attracted to a man that has that same predilection. The subtle ways that children learn means they can without effort observe parents that live functional lives and intuitively learn that on a subconscious level, or conversely pick up all of the dysfunction of parents that are dysfunctional and be burdened with that dysfunction on a subconscious level. So the point to be made is that all of us are brought into this world and enter a lottery, a genetic one and an environmental one. The question then becomes is that situation we were born into ever an excuse for how we behave as adults? That genetic lottery goes far beyond just empathy and conscience, it includes intellect, it includes being born with looks and charm, it involves the ability to use logic and reason. So even someone born with a low capacity for empathy and a weak conscience does have other tools at their disposal. Similarly, that environment we are born into is not all there is. The child will eventually get out into the real world and observe others. A person in a dysfunctional home will have opportunities to see functional families and see the difference. A child going to school will see all sorts of other ways of living life than what they are exposed to at home. That child will have the ability to observe empathetic people and see the tangible effects of someone having a conscience. So as that child grows they will see that life doesn't have to be the way things are at home and that child will be able to understand the difference between right and wrong as well as at least be aware that a conscience exists and that some people are guided by their conscience while others aren't. As life goes on those who had an ideal upbringing and those who had a less than ideal upbringing slowly begin to take charge of their lives. The decisions these adolescents and young adults make are most definitely separate from those their parents would have made. So a child given everything both genetically and environmentally could end up on skid row and the disadvantaged child could use all of what life gave them and create a good life from those few positive gifts that both genetics and environment bestowed upon them. But how does that disadvantaged child do this? Well it all goes back to observing the world around you, comparing what you have and are being taught at home by your parent's example to what you see in the lives of others. Yes, your parent may be a liar, but society teaches you as a child that lying is wrong and then that child of a liar can keenly observe those that try living truthfully and compare that to the home situation. Some children will be indoctrinated into that lifestyle of lying and have a very difficult time departing from it. Yes what we learn and what we are predisposed to genetically creates patterns that are nearly inescapable. But there are people who break away and make something of themselves despite the most difficult circumstances of both genetics and environment. So, what about the narcissist? How do they fit into this discussion? Well any given narc, no matter how successful has decided over the course of their lives that there is nothing wrong with a lie as long as you can get away with it. The full blown covert narcissist cultivated their lying, having concluded despite all of their observations of truthful people growing up that they were quite comfortable lying. Yes that narc saw the upside of lying and made a conscious decision to cultivate the lie. That self same narcissist was most likely born with a capacity for empathy and a conscience of varying degrees. That narc felt their conscience, however weak or strong it was and decided that the conscience was an impediment to the type of person they wanted to be or the type of life they wanted to live. Now of course nothing is cut and dried and maybe that young narc gets a bad break and just uses logic and reason and sees nothing wrong with being a narc, because they never saw an example of how functional living that has a foundation of truth and empathy is actually far superior than the life of a narc. Maybe that young narc meets the wrong partner and those narcissistic tendencies are necessary to survive in the environment that they were placed into and over time that narcissism gets set in stone. Yes the importance of a conscience and the importance of genuine empathy and the importance of truthfulness just fall by the wayside. So fine, the argument can be made that a narcissist could have just gotten a series of bad breaks and never really been shown an example of functional living. But here is the key question and it speaks directly to if a covert narcissist could ever reform: Does that narc have the capacity in older age to go back in time and re evaluate those experiences as a child and re interpret what was going on? Does that narc have the capacity to compare and contrast the superiority and the freedom that comes with telling the truth and living a life where there is nothing to hide to their previous conclusion that lying serves quite well? So the real question is does a narc really want to change? We all know that the life of a narc is an unpleasant experience that leads to a person never being free, always needing to live in the shadows, always having something to hide, never having joy or peace. So does that narc really want to be happy and content and does that narc want to begin growing that conscience and heed it? In a spiritual sense does that narc finally want to follow a code of conduct that makes others as important if not more important than themselves? Yes the concept of giving of oneself to others and making them more important than ourselves is a frightening concept for the narc. That narc would be scared stiff to change, thinking that they would lose themselves if they didn't make themselves a high priority over others. That of course requires the ability to trust someone and the courage to make oneself vulnerable. So can a narc truly reform? Theoretically it is possible although there are very few if any reports of this ever having occurred. There could be the instance of a person that does have a capacity for a conscience and does have the capacity to feel remorse and empathy having been given a bad break by life and fallen into the pattern of covert narcissism. There are also reports of temporary narcissists that become that way because of intensely stressful environments. Well one way out of the narc matrix is to become a genuine believer in Jesus and it may well be the only way out for that subclass of narcissist that simply ignored their innate capacity for a conscience and empathy. Yes some people did get the genetic capacity to feel remorse and have a conscience but it was never given a chance to activate. So how can following Jesus help? Well as a believer we are taken “off the hook”. God tells us we are all sinners and imperfect and this removes a huge burden from our shoulders. All of the sudden we can forgive ourselves for not being perfect. We can admit to and embrace our weaknesses and imperfections and look to the Lord to gradually improve upon those imperfections. It no longer is about what we do but the genuineness of our faith, our reliance and belief in God's sovereignty in our lives and the world we live in. Our belief that God is reliable and will reward a true believer despite all outward appearances. So yes, a narc could be led to the truth and gradually leave behind their lives of deception and fear of being found out. Yes those who live in the light have nothing to hide, they simply admit to whatever sinful behavior that they have engaged in, knowing that God has forgiven them, knowing that every human being on this earth sins every day. Knowing that no individual has the right to judge them because every human being has “fallen short” in God's eyes. So when a narcissist makes an attempt at giving something to someone and provides truth, admitting to at least some of the obvious things they were previously denying that is a cause for celebration. Yes 80% of what came out of their mouths was lies and misdirection, but they made an attempt at telling the truth and did so. They made an attempt at providing closure. If a narc tries to do good sometimes we have to take that on face value and be happy for them and see that they may actually have the potential for reform. Cynicism and common sense about narcs dictates that the narc is probably doing this for themselves and their new relationship with a person they met on a social site and is building a life with in another state. But for the discarded victim that has a narc attempt to give closure we simply accept those gifts for what they are. Yes when a narc gives actual truth and admits to key pieces of information, that is a breakthrough for the narc and does allow the victim to heal. As far as what that narc is doing and who they are doing it with, that is inconsequential. As far as the narc's true motives or if they have actually found God that is inconsequential with regards to the gift given. The proof is in the pudding, where the rubber meets the road and only time will tell if this was a gaslighting operation, an attempt to silence, or a genuine display of empathy and remorse. The victim no longer has a dog in the fight and wishes that narc well. Yes, that narc is in God's hands and whether they knew it or not the information they gave, the narc's truthfulness confirmed everything for the victim. Shame, which is one of the narc's greatest motivators meant that the narc would never admit to something overtly, so in a way that narc was being as truthful as they could ever possibly be. My wishes and hopes are that the narc has truly had a conversion and will find happiness and joy and peace. But logic and a healthy skepticism mean that only time will tell. The previous victim will never have the opportunity to confirm or observe or verify that conversion from narc to normal. But that won't matter, the victim already has more than that narc knows in the way of closure. So can a covert narcissist reform themselves? I have yet to hear of a single verifiable report. But maybe I haven't looked hard enough. It is my sincerest wish that they can. With God all things are possible. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

The Covert Narcissist's Brand of Love, Loyalty, and Commitment: The covert narcissist is convinced that they are the ones who put the effort into a relationship, they are the ones who committed, they are the ones who were loyal. Yes that relationship dissolved because that narc's ex “let them down” , “wasn't loyal”, “wasn't serious about the relationship”, “wasn't really committed to the relationship”. The narc accuses their ex of being a “womanizer” or the female version thereof. The narc accuses that ex of “having issues” that were undisclosed. The list can go on, but the idea is that the covert narcissist was the victim, the one defrauded, and the one that had to overcome abuse and endure it for years and possibly decades. When the ex, having been discarded does their research and finds out about covert narcissism they make an attempt at informing their partner. But that falls on deaf ears. What was the motivation of the narc abuse victim? They were earnestly hoping that the narc wasn't really a full blown serious pathological narcissist and that seeing the information laid out in front of them, they would use there ability to look in the mirror, and their capacity for logic and reason and finally understand about themselves. That narc could then heal and become a better person and subsequently become the partner the victim always hoped and believed they could be. But of course we are dealing with a pathological covert narcissist and only in the early days of recovery would a victim hold out hope that their ex wasn't really a narc at all. To be fair, maybe some of those people are correct. Good for them. Well that relationship does dissolve and the narc instantly has a new partner that is now the recipient of all of that narc's loyalty and devotion. That is plastered all over a social site in high detail. Multiple times per day, every day of the week, with extra emphasis on holidays. Weeks after the discard. Bear in mind these are supposed adults we are talking about, people that are parents and well into their late forties and beyond. So the victim continues healing and piecing together an existence, salvaging as much of what is left as possible. Yes the victim begins healing. They understand about “the hoover”, but in this case, given the extreme circumstances surrounding that discard, with police having to be involved, that victim never expects to hear from the narc again. A good amount of time goes by, well over a year and the victim has moved on and is having joy back in their lives. Due to the nature of that discard and the surrounding events, the victim always left the possibility open for the narc to have a discussion about what occurred in an effort for both partners to be able to heal. No person who attacks another and does the terrible things that narcissists do could go on without seeking that discussion unless they were devoid of even one iota of conscience. Yes, people with a conscience and feelings of remorse simply couldn't get away without that type of interchange. But the giveaway is always the same. The narc proves themselves one hundred times over by having a total lack of conscience or remorse and the fact that the victim HAS moved on and is doing OK doesn't sit well with the narc. A whole video could be made about the warped bizarre interchange that occurs when a narc decides to hoover a victim on a social site in typical narc fashion. Yes that narc throws every curve ball, uses every narc tool in that bag of tricks and begins with an attack on that victim literally trying to tear them to shreds. Being that the narc attacks as an anonymous commenter and deliberately engages in misdirection, making incoherent and illogical statements to confuse further, it takes a bit of time for the victim to sort things out. But just enough information is given for the victim to know, after a week of pondering the dozens of allegations, charges and assertions made mixed in with actual facts of the relationship that yes it was the narc ex in person. Well after having given this person a chance at a coherent conversation or debate, which is typical in a comment section, it became clear this person was not interested in communication, or identifying themselves. So that commenter was warned they would be blocked, given days to respond and finally blocked. That interchange gave a brief glimpse into the mindset of a covert narcissist, now seen from the perspective of an informed victim that has moved on. Well that narc had apparently been paying attention to the videos and had been doing their homework on narcissism. So here is the story from a narc's perspective: The victim is the true narcissist. The victim was never serious, had any commitment, or loyalty. The victim was a womanizer. The victim was an abuser, a manipulator, a liar. The victim had all of the issues. Never was love mentioned, maybe because the narc couldn't find a way of making a convincing argument for their own love or maybe because the narc doesn't even comprehend the key role that love plays in a genuine relationship. Initially I thought this person had a case of mistaken identity, because the ex partner she described and the words she put into that person's mouth were never uttered by me. But no, she insisted it was me. So anyway, all of that person's allegations were addressed, but the reality is that person didn't really want a discussion at all. So they were sent on their way. Here is the narc's perspective on love, loyalty, and commitment. The narc views loyalty and commitment and love as things that are given to achieve a goal. They aren't real, only fake representations of the genuine emotions that normal people display. That love and devotion only really go as deep as lip service. But the narc has done a good job of mimicking others that they observe and why would a prospective victim ever doubt the sincerity of a grown adult when they displayed all of those emotions just like any normal person would? Yes that narc was a bit too eager to give that love devotion and commitment. A skeptical victim would try to inform the narc that they were not the perfect person that the narc made them out to be. A skeptical victim would try to inform the narc that they were not the perfect person that the narc made them out to be. When a future was laid out and finances were to be discussed, again the narc really wasn't interested. Things would be made to work out. So the victim is told time and time again to “relax”,this was real. Yes that narc was fully committed to the victim for a lifetime. Yes that narc was “the victim's forever” and after months and over a year telling the victim those things, the victim did relax and believe it. This is just one version of the many ways that narcs idealize their prey. So how does the narc's version of love, loyalty, and commitment differ from that of normal people? Yes we know it is fake but how can you tell? Well In a normal relationship loyalty is earned, based on time together and a genuine interchange of ideas and reactions to the challenges that are presented to a couple. Loyalty isn't something that is necessarily stated, it is something that is self evident and proves itself when those challenges arise. The very definition of loyalty is to hold firm in your commitment to a person and a relationship in the face of adversity and challenge. The narc's brand of loyalty is very different. The narc's loyalty is the type that is given by words and is presented suddenly with no merits to a new partner, otherwise known as the fresh supply. Commitment is similar. The narc professes commitment when it is convenient for them, to the new idealized supply. Commitment is again one of those things that is earned and carefully entered into. But again, curiously that narc is all too eager to give their commitment away to a complete stranger. That narc's fake commitment is given immediately with no track record of a long term relationship or any scrutiny on the narc's part whatsoever. Love is of course, the one thing that even a narc knows can't be faked within weeks of meeting someone, so the narc will wait at least a month or two into the idealization phase before claiming someone is their “soul mate”, “the one they have always been waiting for”, the person who has “completed them and fully healed them and freed them of all of their psychological turmoil”. Yes the narc's assertions of love, loyalty, and commitment build over the course of the idealization phase and become increasingly more detailed, being said with more and more apparent conviction. But sadly none of those pronouncements of the narc, from A to Z ever carry any weight and that is where the em path's vulnerability comes into play. A normal person can much more easily see the fake scenario the narc sets up for what it is: very questionable. So what is it that makes the empath blind to what is obvious to others? The narc is able to easily get the empath to “feel their pain” and in doing so that empath is in some sense blinded to the curiously bizarre way that a stranger who hardly knows them bonds so quickly. That empath whose compassion and sense of being needed is fully triggered and engaged loses all sense of scrutiny and discernment and this is the primary reason that the narc looks for empaths to victimize. That narc has absolutely no comprehension of compassion and empathy, but they see these items as tools to entrap and manipulate others who do possess these traits. Yes that narc sees the effects of compassion and empathy with detached amusement and shrewdly sees how they can be used as powerful tools to entrap their next victim. So those are the narc's ways of using love, loyalty and commitment, by faking them and using them to entangle yet another victim in their web. Predators do have a way of enticing their prey with items that seem appealing. But what happens after the idealization? Well those areas of love, commitment and loyalty are then used once again to devalue that once idealized partner and even used after the discard as the causes of why the narc was “forced into the arms of another”. So the narc has had their fill of a relationship and has drained that person of much of their life-force and is becoming bored. But of course even the narc needs at least some feasible explanation for exiting the relationship. The real reasons of fresh supply that is already being groomed, boredom, wanting freedom from obligation to another human being will never be broached upon. Yes even the narc understands the necessity for at least giving the appearance of having committed and loved. That is needed for their public image and maybe just to make a smoother more trouble free exit. After all the narc does have a track record of discarding and therefore knows full well the implications of simply being honest and showing their calloused lack of concern for and ex and exiting without explanation. Yes, there is fallout for that and the aged narc doesn't want their billboard tarnished. So the narc will occasionally put the effort in to tell that partner why things aren't working for them. Remember though, the narc is NOT doing that because they have one ounce of concern for the partner or to soften the blow. A narc will NEVER exert an iota of effort if it doesn't benefit them. So the narc does try to mimic a genuine breakup but then there is a giveaway. The narc presents this information in the most calloused and unemotional way possible. Moreover, that narc is simply stating that things aren't working out and they aren't interested in a lengthy discussion. No that narc makes their statement and leaves. NO additional discussions will ever be allowed. No explanations given. No questions answered. So it becomes clear the fake reports of why the narc was leaving were simply statements of convenience for the sake of making that narc's transition to their new relationship and new fantasy existence as smooth as possible. Remember it is always all about the narc and the narc alone. Meanwhile that narc is singing a very different tune with their new partner and that narc is excited about the new persona and life they are fabricating for this new friend of theirs. Of course that discarded ex partner will be used to bond with the new partner. Yes now those areas of love, commitment, and loyalty, the key components in a relationship are used as tools by the narc to demonize the partner, and cast the narc into the role of victim. Yes that narc WAS devoted and loyal and committed, but that abusive ex just took advantage of the narc's generosity of spirit. Yes that ex partner was disloyal and cheated and didn't take the commitment seriously. The ex partner was the one who pretended to love. That new friend will be the one who is now going to be the savior with that narcissist playing the fake role of victim and the discarded ex being the perpetrator. Karpman drama triangle completed. Yes, after studying narcissism and the actions, words and stated feelings of narc abuse victims, that genuine narc decides they will mimic the role of victim and portray their partner as the narcissist. But here is the glaring and obvious irony: The genuine narc is the one in the new instant committed relationship. The narc switched off their loyalty to one person and immediately gave it away to another. The narc is the one who moved on immediately with no time for reflection. Yes despite all of those facts that hypocritical narc thinks they can pull off the ruse of portraying themselves as victim. Sadly, many a narc can and does succeed at this. That narc will tell of abuse that will make many believe and rally to the aid of that duplicitous narc. Flying monkeys can always be found. The good people who are tricked into fighting for that narc's fabricated cause and of course the other type of flying monkey that enjoys self righteously damaging another person they don't even know based solely on the hearsay of that duplicitous and treacherous covert narcissist. Curious how that ex just couldn't move on, was barely functioning, and couldn't even think of another partner. Was that just coincidence? Don't ask a narc. They will double down on their assertions but never ever address any legitimate concerns. “Just trust the narc”, they are the ones telling the truth. Well we all know about narcissist projection, blaming others for what they themselves are guilty of. So that narc will see nothing at all wrong with themselves being in a new “committed” relationship. The narc's explanation? They are strong overcomers, warriors. They are so abused they need that new relationship, a night in shining armor or angelic savior to survive the abuse of their former partner. Do you see the glaring inconsistency in the last two sentences? Strong warriors, but they need help? They are the ones who suffered outrageous abuse and learned to overcome those obstacles of life. They are the victims. But here is the problem: those narcs show NO tangible evidence of genuine victim-hood at all. Yes, narcs are all about appearance and words. If that narc looks like a victim, talks like a victim, in their mind they are a victim. It is substance, truth, and facts that are lacking in the narc's arguments and that is why no scrutiny of their victim status is EVER allowed. Yes just trust the narc. Well the empath did. The empath believed. The empath cared and invested everything into that covert narcissist. The empath lost all of their investment. What about the narc, what did they lose? Nothing. Sadly, not even a nights sleep. They simply “moved on” and enjoyed another fake relationship. At least we know it was fake on the narc's end. So the narc comes back as an alias, refuses to confirm their identity and have an honest two way conversation. Then goes on a diatribe telling the victim they should get over it, move on, stop blaming someone else for their problems. That part about not blaming someone else would be very sound counsel if given to a covert narcissist. The problem is it is the narc giving that advice. The very same person who committed those heinous crimes against another person's psyche. Yes I am sure a rapist, a thief and a con artist would all tell their victims to not blame someone else for their problems and to move on. Here is the fault in that argument: Covert narcissism DOES exist, it is REAL. It destroys people in a thousand different ways. Victims dwell on the individual who destroyed them not to shift blame, not to avoid responsibility, but because they have been severely traumatized. Those victims didn't choose to be a victim or even want to be one, that status was bestowed upon them by the covert narcissist who wants to pretend that what they did wasn't anything at all. Those victims do have to dwell on narcissism and the person who abused them to try and understand what happened. Especially since no answers or help were given by that narcopath. As far as taking responsibility for their lives, victims are doing exactly that and they are healing. They are finding out what made them susceptible to these narcissistic creeps. They are growing, and they are fighting with the spirit of a warrior, bravely moving forward in the face of incredible emotional pain and adversity that was gifted them by these sorry excuses for a human being called covert narcissists. But that battle is one of self preservation and done in earnest humility. It is a serious struggle with everything at stake. No, that victim won't be going on social sites crowing about being a warrior. They will call themselves survivors. But they were the real warriors, the ones that were brave and kept going. No billboard on a social site necessary or even wanted. Yes the victims are moving on and have no need for that narcissist whatsoever. But those experiences belong to the victim and that role the narc played is important because it is the source of everything that caused all of the damage and disruption. Just like any natural disaster or force of evil that befalls a victim, who when healed simply considers themselves a target. The target of and emotional vampire, a person who attempted to rob them of their soul, their very life substance. So NO narcissist, love, loyalty, and commitment aren't just words stated at the appropriate time, with the proper phrasing and tone, there is actual substance behind those words and the things they embody. Love, loyalty and commitment can't be switched on and off like a light switch and their substance, their genuineness is only proven in the face of adversity, or when a seemingly better opportunity comes along and is refused. The substance of love, loyalty, and commitment means that people lose their freedom and can't do whatever they want to do. Yes there are spouses that are disabled and the elderly and that is a great inconvenience. It limits a person's freedom of thought and movement. They limit a person's ideas of what their future could be. Yes that is what genuine love, loyalty and commitment are all about. It is how we act, not what we say that proves them. They aren't for sale to the highest bidder or the next dream of an ideal future. Yes, people grow apart and in this day and age nothing is written in stone. But even then love, loyalty and commitment dictate an acknowledgment of the partner's value, an understanding of the impact a breakup will have on them and at least some effort placed into making that departure with the least impact on the ex. Toying with your discarded victim's emotions for sport proves without a doubt that you never loved or cared at all and no amount of lying and deception can alter those facts. No narc you will never get it. That requires at least an ounce of empathy and a conscience. That requires the ability to feel remorse. That requires someone to understand this world wasn't made for them and them alone. Yes we all want freedom and that is why we understand the gravity of love, loyalty, and commitment, the great cost of bestowing them on another human being. That cost is all about giving up your own freedom to do whatever you want to do. Yes it requires making another person's needs desires and dreams of the future as important or even more important than your own. That means that another person's priorities will have as much weight and significance as those of your own. Yes, there is great responsibility in engaging someone into a committed relationship. So love, loyalty and commitment are given seriously and very carefully, with the full knowledge of their impact on the other person. No they aren't just faked to get a relationship and have fun. Yes, the narc will continue to insist that they were the ones who loved, had commitment and loyalty but the very definition of those items means they need to be proven by ACTIONS, not words and gestures. So think about your actions narc and that of your victim and then try to convince yourself you are the one who loved. No problem for the narc, they will simply fabricate their own actions of love and loyalty and fabricate the disloyalty and lack of love and commitment of their exes. OK. Well narc, here is a concept that only those of us who have taken responsibility for another human being, and even an occupation for that matter, know and you will never understand: True freedom comes from standing by someone and limiting all of your possibilities. The freedom of the narc is slavery. They are a slave to their appetites and to that endless belief that the grass is greener and the new relationship or job is brighter “on the other side”. Sad. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.

The Covert Narcissist and Their Ability To “Get Over It”: The covert narcissist always prides themselves on their ability “to get over it'. Yes, they make posts on social sites that say something to the effect of “My ability to move on is amazing”. Yes it is always all about the narc and that is all that concerns these creeps. Yes the narc gloats and thinks themselves superior and makes a public show of their supposed superiority and strength of having survived “abuse”. Yes according to the narc, they were the victim. Certainly everything that came out of the narc's mouth about the terrible deeds of their ex partner pointed to their victim status. But there is only one problem, those reports of abuse were fabricated out of thin air. Well, the narc has honed there skills of deception for a lifetime and there are always enough naive dupes to champion the narc's cause and hold their hand through that supposed recovery. The narc's smear campaign is a carefully crafted and choreographed farce tailored to the audience that the narc wants to captured the attention of. The new male friend will be fed a tale of woe that requires exactly his talents to make things “right” again. That may involve the creep threatening the ex partner of the narc. A female friend will get a different aspect of the evil that the narc's ex perpetrated. Yes each account is finely tuned to the audience. Yes that narc has made a convincing case and has made many believe that the monster once known as the love of her life, her soul mate, her lifetime partner is one step away from Satan. So where did the narc get their material from if the partner wasn't really the culprit? The narc looked no further than themselves and simply accused the ex of doing everything that they themselves were guilty of, of having all of the attitudes that they themselves were guilty of. The narc also has a library of misdeeds that they have accumulated over a lifetime that can also be re-purposed and attributed to the newly discarded and no longer needed ex. Of course the narc never limits themselves to personal experiences. They will use stories of abuse that others have confided in them and make those experiences their own. They will also just as easily adapt a theme from a movie or a novel and make it their own. Yes the narc ex I had frequently demonized her previous ex and referred to her life as being like Julia Roberts in “Sleeping with the Enemy”. I never saw those parallels at all. I actually saw that ex as being a pretty reasonable person, but why would she lie? I now know. That demonization of the ex and her bonding with a complete stranger is a pattern this creature indulged in for decades. One victim after another. I was simply next in line and I was put into position of savior in that narc's twisted Karpman Drama Triangle. The difference being that the narc was free and not involved with anyone at the time we started the relationship. Was she really free? I am no longer sure about that any more. But that ex certainly seemed repulsed by her. So anyway the narc is convinced of their own victim-hood and thinks it remarkable that they got over it so rapidly. Well here is the answer as to how that narc did it, their well kept secret now revealed: that narc was NEVER a victim. They never suffered trauma or abuse. Any damage the narc suffered was the fallout from their own actions. So yes, the narc can easily move on. After all the narc never made themselves genuinely vulnerable, never loved, never cared, never invested anything more than lip service, future faking and the myriad of other narcissist maneuvers to that relationship. So what's the big deal for the narc. They lost nothing. But of course the narc can never stop there. The true victim has had a very different experience and the only thing the narc can see is that they are far superior, far stronger than their ex and that gives them cause to gloat. The heartless beast will even taunt their destroyed ex and while in the middle of their new relationship tell their ex to “move on” . Yes, a final twist of the knife that was deeply embedded in that victim's soul. One last drop of fuel for the narc to consume before they return to their new idealized partner. Meanwhile the true victim, that narc's ex, the one who bore all of the actual abuse and the lowest form of treachery and cruelty is barely getting by. Yes, those narcs show no mercy and the fact that someone loved them, trusted them, and made themselves vulnerable to the narc is fully taken advantage of by these narcopaths. So the true victim is confronted with a series of shocks that literally blows their whole world apart and makes that victim question reality. Yes, the narc suddenly turned into a stranger, a totally different person than they were for the years and possibly decades you spent with them and that was an incredible shock. The person you thought was your one safe haven from the harsh reality of life suddenly becomes a person threatening your life and your livelihood and departs without a word. That is another incredible shock. When that ex of yours who professed total love, loyalty, and commitment has now just turned off those lifetime promises like a light switch this is more than just a shock, it is unbelievable to the victim. It is unfathomable. The final blow comes when that narc has a sudden new partner and makes a point of letting the ex know how superior that partner is compared to the ex. That calloused narcopath flaunts their instant loyalty and commitment to a new “friend” all over social media deliberately, in hopes of causing the greatest damage to her ex that is possible, The above described scenario, a true one by the way, exposes the genuine victim to a level of evil that no normal human can even conceive of. So in the course of a few weeks a person is cast into the bizarre realm of losing everything and being so overwhelmed they don't even know how to start putting back together the pieces. The help comes when you finally realize your partner was a covert narcissist and slowly over time you begin to put together the pieces of who that person was, what they were really doing and thinking while in the relationship with you. You begin to understand what it was inside of you that made you vulnerable to these narcs and over time you begin to heal. But the revelations of that fraud that was perpetrated upon you by the narcissist make you angrier and angrier and then a whole new set of problems occurs, you have the need to seek vengeance. So that needs to be overcome as well. The point to be made is that this fraud committed against the narc abuse victim is so comprehensive and at such an extreme level that the damage that narc does goes incredibly deep. It is not uncommon for people to never fully recover. Years and decades of suffering from that abuse are also typical. Why? Because the narc took everything from that victim, gave absolutely nothing and took absolutely no responsibility for that ex partner's emotional state. Yes that narc was callously unconcerned about their partner and only concerned with themselves. Only intense study and awareness give that victim any possible hope of recovery. No help will be coming from the narc and sadly most outsiders can't understand the problem that narc abuse victim has of moving on. So the victim finds help on their own and hopefully is able to interact with other narc abuse victims. Any way it is done this journey of recovery takes an enormous amount of time and effort. So no the victim, the GENUINE victim isn't going to be gloating about their amazing ability to move on. That victim will be grateful to have gotten through another 24 to 48 hours of existence. That victim will learn to live with intense emotional pain 24 7. That victim will have to bear an existence devoid of any hope or joy for months and potentially years on end. But the fog eventually does lift, slowly but surely, with many relapses along the way. So the narc is clearly clueless as to what it means to be a victim and the fake phony fraud covert narcissist will give themselves away one hundred times over. True victim status humbles a person. makes them grateful for every breath they take. Makes them grateful for that release from the pain, contrite. No, victim status isn't something that can be faked by using catch phrases and sound bytes learned by mimicking true narc abuse victims. Sure many people can be fooled by the narc posing as victim, but those who understand covert narcs will not be numbered among them. You can't fake humility, or true grief, or the loss of something or someone important to you. The easier way to profess victim status is to simply demonize the ex partner and that is one major giveaway that you are dealing with a narcissist. The narc demonizes their ex, especially when with a new friend to provide comfort, but has a surprising lack of attachment to their ex partner. That narc that fakes victim status isn't doing soul searching wringing their hands and trying to understand why things went wrong. The covert narc has no need whatsoever to resolve issues with their ex partner or get closure. Why? Because only the true victim wants answers and the perpetrator that has defrauded another human being certainly doesn't want any contact or conversation with the person they defrauded. Only the victim needs to have answers and closure. No you won't hear narcs speak of how much they miss their ex partner or cared about their partner. You won't observe a narc seeking answers or desiring any discussion whatsoever with their ex partner. All a narc can and will do is launch their typical sad smear campaign. So does that narc really believe themselves to be victimized by their ex partner? Possibly, since it is a role they cherish being in. But how in the world can someone with no empathy or ability to feel remorse and no conscience even begin to truly comprehend what it means to lose someone you love? How can someone understand emotional abuse when they are incapable of feeling emotions that make you vulnerable? The answer is they can't but they learn from other genuine victims and mimic. However, the keen observer can tell. Being that narcs can't understand victim status, how could you explain it to them? Well not that they really care to truly understand it after all that would require empathy. Yes empathy, thinking about others, is a waste of time for a narc. So anyway lets put things in perspective and compose a hypothetical letter to a covert narcissist. A narc would never listen or try to comprehend, but a victim might benefit. A recent bizarre encounter in the comment section with a clear cut covert narcissist that was most likely my ex will be the inspiration for this hypothetical letter. A letter to a narc might go something like this: So you are the victim and a magnificent person that was able to overcome the abuse that I perpetrated against you? You insist that you know me but refuse to show me that you are a person that I know. The person you describe as your ex is someone I don't know. The terrible traits you ascribe to this person are things I never did or said yet you insist you are my ex and that I am an evil person and that you are a victim. So what exactly did I do to you? You give vague references to misogynism and a person saying “it's a man's world” well that isn't me. That isn't how I feel about women and I never said those things. Yes the person who abused and threatened and physically and emotionally attacked and stole from me and cheated and perpetrated the lowest form of cruelty, duplicity and treachery against me had the appearance of being a woman, so I made references to “she” and “her” in many of my videos. But that partner wasn't really a woman or even a real human being at all, she was a covert narcissist. I love and respect women and I will not go into details about my personal life that you are well aware of that prove that without a doubt. You talk about manipulation. Please explain. As I recall it was you who were telling me what to do and how to do it, even in areas you had no expertise in. My role in the workplace required me to take the lead and give direction, but that was a function of my responsibilities. Certainly you don't have any evidence of that type of behavior in our personal life? We had a disagreement and that was all because of your outrageous and unjustified calloused behavior and you turned on me like a rabid animal, then initiated no contact. Within hours you launched a smear campaign of totally fabricated lies against me. Then you all of the sudden had a new intimate partner that you confided everything to. Judging by the snippets you just supplied me I can't even imagine the person you made me into in those smears. I'd probably laugh about it now if I ever found out what you said about me, but in another way I would be sad that a person could be so profoundly mentally ill. So yes you moved on long ago but how dare you interject yourself into my life and presume to tell me that I should have moved on as well. You never understood what it is to be a genuine victim. You haven't a clue or concern for that matter of the deep damage you did to me so it becomes clear why you tell me I should have moved on just like you did. That statement clearly shows your total ignorance as to the harm you did to me. Well for your information I have moved on and I am doing well and nearly healed, thank you for asking. Oh that's right you never asked nor cared for that matter. So you think I should have moved on fully by now? Well let me ask you when a rapist gets away with their vicious act do you think they have a problem getting over it? When someone gets away with robbing a bank or assaulting someone do they have problems moving on? No, of course not, they got away with their crimes and actually feel a sense of pride for having pulled off their acts. Do you think Bernie Madoff had problems moving on? You have missed the point totally. In each and every case it is the victims who have been given a huge burden to overcome, the victims who were put in a deep hole and the victims who had to get over resentment and anger due to ACTUAL abuse. Do you think losing your life savings to a narcopathic shyster and having to live a much compromised lifestyle for the rest of your existence will be gotten over in one week? You never saw it but you gave yourself away when you crowed like a rooster as to how strong you were and resilient you were right after you attacked then discarded me. You still had plenty of time and energy to engage in all sorts of evil treachery didn't you? You still had plenty of boldness to come to my business multiple times and make terroristic threats against me didn't you? Plenty of time to engage in that relationship with your new friend. Well, the true victim, the person YOU victimized wasn't doing all that well and you knew it. You refused to speak to that person or lift a finger to help. Instead you heaped as much abuse on that person that you could muster. But you are the victim? OK, whatever you say. It doesn't much matter to me anymore. What does matter is when you attempt to harass me and try to tell me what to do. I didn't choose to be a victim or even want to be one. That status was bestowed upon me by you and you alone. How dare you presume to think these videos are all about you. Yes that evil you perpetrated against me is the driving force but believe me they aren't about you narcissist, even if you do play a role in the making of them. You are history. These videos are for the genuine victims and yes they are therapeutic for me as well. You were the mentor that gave me a glimpse into the darkness, the unbelievable depravity that can exist in the dark calloused barren heart of the narcissist. I cared about you and studied you in an effort to make good on that lifetime commitment to your mental health. So all I need to do is describe all of the things you did and how you did them and I am describing what everyone can clearly see as a covert narcissist. No I don't need to study narcissism, I lived with it and learned all about it from you. How dare you tell me how to feel or what to think or to get over it and move on. You have no right to even talk to me or communicate with me if you don't have the courage to identify yourself and speak clearly and truthfully with an earnest desire to have a two way discussion. No, you don't want to talk and you don't care. You just wanted to disrupt and disturb the peace and tear down as much of the progress I have made as possible. NO you won't succeed. The terrible abuse you perpetrated belongs to me. It was purchased with my own blood sweat and tears and you have no right to claim any of it. Yes you were the perpetrator, but make no mistake those experiences of being a victim belong to me and not you. So go on with your life. The way you feel about me today shows without a doubt that you NEVER loved me or ever cared. That's another way you gave yourself away. The way you feel about me now is the exact way you felt about me when you tricked me into a relationship, told me I was the greatest person for you, your soul mate and told me you loved me. You had no love or concern for me then and you have no love or concern for me now. There is no difference in you. But there is a huge difference in me. I see you for the fake phony fraud that you are now and were every minute you spent with me. So those intimate times we had together turn my stomach knowing now that you never cared or ever intended to commit the rest of your life to me.

Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.                                                                                                                                                                   End of video commentary:                           

Remember: A clear concise honest and open two way discussion with narcissist is a near impossibility. The narcopath always has to muddy the waters, be deceptive. That was the case when you first met that narc but you didn’t know enough about them to realize how much they were warping reality and misrepresenting themselves. You didn't realize their agreement with you and your way of thinking was just a ploy. That deceptiveness became even more pronounced during the idealization phase and although you were somewhat skeptical about that narc's enthusiasm and flattery, you still didn’t have a frame of reference that could allow you to assess the veracity of interaction you were having with that narc, because your interactions with them were still limited. The deception came full force during the devaluation phase and by then that narc had you so mentally disoriented that you had no idea what was real and what wasn’t real anymore. The discard came suddenly and as a shock with no apparent explanation that made sense. Yes even then you were clueless that the love of your life was a creature from hell that never cared or ever uttered a truthful statement if they could get away with a lie instead. But you learned and healed and put yourself back together and then one day out of the blue that narc decided to “talk” to you. Well this time you saw clearly and the sick perverse way that narc tried to gaslight, disorient and devalue was fully comprehended and it turned your stomach to have to watch that display of depravity. The vitriol and venomous words launched at you had no power whatsoever, because you saw them for the obvious lies they were. Yes you were healed, but that narc was still exactly the same. No different than the day they first darkened your doorstep and no different than the day they told you “their search was over”, that you were the person they had been waiting for their whole life, no different than on their fifth birthday. That narc was the same or maybe even worse. Sad.