The Narcissist is Always Haunted by His Actions: The covert narcissist is a seemingly harmless human being. The narc definitely sees himself as a person who really doesn't want to hurt anyone, even though they do. The narc sees themselves as virtuous. Over the course of their lives the narc may actually seperate being virtuous from being good, that is how warped the narc's logic becomes as they go deeper and deeper into their psychosis. The narc may intuitively know that “they are not going to a good place” which seems to indicate they know they have done bad things and one day need to be accountable, but then why does the narc continue to be evil? Why doesn't the narc try to turn things around? Why is it that whatever the narc touches, whoever he has any sort of relationship with ends up severely damaged? Is the narc simply a misunderstood, troubled person that has the worst luck? It all boils down to the fact that the narc lives in his own world, a world in which he is the arbiter of right and wrong. When the narc bumps into other people those people either comply and become a part of the narc's world, a world where he is king and makes all of the rules or they become “bad” people who don't agree with the narc's opinion that they need to be vassals in his kingdom. So the narc suffers cognitive dissonance when he encounters people who actually have the notion they are the equals of the narc and expect the narc to share the world with them and respect them as equals. When the narc encounters these independent minded souls who refuse to get with the narcs program, he feels totally justified, even virtuous to harm these people in any way he deems necessary. But then there is always that nagging feeling the narc has. Maybe he isn't the center of the world, maybe other people do deserve to have rights equal to his own. Maybe there is a God that the narc actually has to submit to and bow down to. So, occasionally the narc does get anxious about being wrong, but then the narc thinks over the course of his life and if he really thought of himself as a mere mortal, someone no better or worse than anyone else, well then he would have to reevaluate his past and that would be devastating. You see the narc has a long list of people that have been severely damaged over the course of his life. Siblings he let down and just abandoned to a point where they are dead to him. Parents who had to suffer terribly trying to accommodate the narc. One broken relationship after another and numerous “stalkers” that couldn't understand why they just needed to move on at the drop of a hat and leave the narc alone when the narc found a new toy (partner) to play with. After all the narc had no problems moving on. Then there are the unexplained deaths of some of those that were close to the narc. Maybe just coincidence. Then of course there is the duplicity, the treachery, the lying, the gaslighting, but those actions were not done with malice. Those actions weren't evil. They were good, they were justified. The narc simply either did these things to people because those evil people deserved it or he needed to do those things to make sure those people stayed in line and kept with the program. Those people needed to be aware that the narc was king and in control. Those people needed to submit to the narc without question and the narc needed to keep them in line. So the deception and gaslighting was necessary to make sure they stayed off balance and the narc could remain the undisputed king. Those people were simply being prevented from committing the cardinal sin and challenging the narc's superiority and dominance. But still there is always that occasional nagging thought at night when the narc considers the awful unimaginable possibility that he isn't the center of the world , he isn't king. But that would mean that the narc was not justified in gaslighting, lying to others and the deceit and treachery was not justified and may truly be evil. The narc then diverts and deflects those thoughts of possible culpability by quickly going back to his mental surreal fantasy world and all is back to normal. Normal for the narc that is. The rest of the world considers the narc's normal world a nightmare, and unfortunately for the narc whether he likes it or not, whether he acknowledges it or not, he is living in a world that must be shared by others and his so called normal is decidedly not normal or logical or cohesive. So the narc has to continually deny the opinion of others around him and get himself back by stopping and banishing those thoughts of not being king. The narc has an enormous debt to pay if he is incorrect about himself being the center of the world. The narc probably never consciously thinks of themselves as the center of the world , they just subconsciously assume it without even realizing it. The covert narcissist is the worst of the bunch, because not only does the shy, restrained covert narc fool everyone he comes in contact with, he also fools himself. After all the covert narc is mild mannered, they don't dress in flashy clothes or drive the hottest car. They aren't overtly boastful. Their cheating and lying is done while appearing totally conservative. Their flirting, which is incredible and obvious and totally abnormal to an outside observer, is considered just talking to the narc. So what if that innocent talk inadvertently results in a physical encounter. The narc never meant that to happen. The narc engages in adultery with absolutely no remorse or conscience, again because the narc feels totally justified in doing it. The excuses the narc makes for cheating are long, here are just a few: their partner is a selfish lover, their partner has cheated on the narc, the partner and the narc aren't in a physical relationship and the narc feels the need for intimacy not being given to him by his partner, the narc has finally found their soul mate and has never felt understood before meeting the person they are cheating with, the partner is abusing the narc, the narc is about to get a divorce, but is only in the relationship until the children are old enough, but they just can't pass up this relationship with their soulmate . But then there is always that nagging feeling that maybe it isn't right to cheat and lie, especially when the husbands and boyfriends of the women they seduce or deceive into a relationship are angry at the narc. In this case the narc once again bumps into the real world and once again needs to indulge in a large dose of denial and rationalization. According to the narc's logic, if those husbands or boyfriends were really meeting their partner's needs the narc would have never had a chance. The narc was simply helping the women he stole from their partners have some happiness that was absent in their preexisting relationship. The narc was providing comfort to those who needed it. But again, there is always that doubt that the narc can never fully escape. The doubt that maybe they aren't the center of the world. The doubt that maybe stealing that relationship was not justified, not the right thing to do. Maybe the “comfort” that the narc provided to the women he seduced actually destroyed the lives of both the woman , her partner and their family. So the narc spends his life whistling in the dark, but he is always haunted by a history of destruction he can never escape, except by living deep in his warped, psychotic world. So what about that saying “I'm not going to a good place”? Is that an admission of being evil? Is it a way of rationalizing to himself “Well, I am already going to a bad place, so I might as well do whatever I please in this life, since my outcome is already assured”. Is it just a license to indulge in destruction of those around him? Is there some warped thrill the narc gets from being evil? Is this saying a warning to his or her victims, or is it just something the narc says to gaslight the universe and he doesn't believe it? The narc must be aware that no one can deceive God. Here is the sad reality, whether the narc believes it or not. There is value in turning his life around. There is a good possibility that the more damage the narc does in this world, the greater his suffering in the “not good place” he is going to. Talking to a narc about personal responsibility, a world where others are his equals is like a wooden stake going through his warped psychotic self-image. Talking about Jesus and salvation and his need to submit his will to God and bow his knee to Jesus is literally no different than the depiction of a cross causing a vampire to disintegrate. The Truth (Jesus) would literally vaporize the narc's fantasy world that consists of nothing but lies, duplicity, treachery, deception, and all other sorts of evil. So yes, the narc is always looking over his shoulder and always having to fight the real world since his actions are evil if judged in the real world and his world itself will totally vaporize if exposed to the sunlight of reality. So you have to wonder if the inspiration for the myth of vampires wasn't inspired by the narcissist. Maybe the vampire is just a metaphor to show people the true nature of these evil narcopathic beasts. They suck the lifeblood out of their victims and hold an unnatural spell on them and they could never survive in the real world of truth and in the sunshine. Thank you for watching. Your comments are welcomed.