The Narcissist Always Gives Up and They Are Never Real: The narcissist is an adult with the emotional maturity of a five year old and when someone hears that statement for the first time they think that this must be a gross exaggeration. Surely this can't be true. The narcissist is an adult, they have lived life. It isn't possible. So, OK, maybe they are at the maturity level of a young adult or maybe a teenager. That narc has gone gray, they certainly look like and adult and they know how to appear as a mature adult, but the emotional maturity of a five year old? That is hard to believe. That narcissist proved to be a competent employee over the course of their lives. For the time of their brief employment at one job then the next. They were a father or a mother, they were a husband or a wife, they were active in charities. No, that is ridiculous, no way can they have the emotional maturity of a five year old. How is that even possible? Well let's try to get some answers. One of the narc's many flaws, you could call it an Achilles heel but the problem is the narc has many Achilles heels not just the one or two an average person might have, is that they are unable to commit to anything. Be it an individual job, a career, or any form of relationship. Yes, the relationship could be that of sibling, daughter or son, friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, significant other, spouse,or sadly even parent, the narc will only give the bare minimum of commitment and always be looking over the horizon for the next experience. So yes, the narc always gives up. They do this throughout their existence and the astonishing thing is they can't see the obvious in their lives. Of course, there are successful covert narcissists who can still fully ply their trade while maintaining a career. For the most part these successful narcs wield power or work a menial job. Either way, they are then afforded plenty of personal freedom either mentally or physically since their work environment gives them that free reign. This also applies to those narcs in long term relationships and marriages. If the narc can find a way to keep their fantasy existence alive then those long term relationships or careers are just fine, since they have use for the narc. But make no mistake, there is never any love or commitment to those careers or partners although to the partner and even to the people at the workplace it may appear the narc is dedicated and committed. However, we are talking about the average covert narcissist, not those exceptional ones. The average narcissist can't understand why their world is always in turmoil and they are always in a state of irresolution. They don't understand why they never have peace and the main reason is that when there is peace , they need to “stir the pot”, they get bored, they need to move on. Keep in mind, the narc is covert in their lack of commitment. Yes, the narc will continue to pose as the loyal employee, sister, daughter, spouse, girlfriend, parent all the while making plans for their exit. So then it is just a matter of trying to exit gracefully with a plausible excuse and making their plans without anyone detecting what is going on inside of that warped mind of theirs. Honestly, the incoherent, inconsistent, illogical, irrational world inside that narc's mind is not something a sane person could ever fully comprehend. That might be a good thing, but sane people who have had their lives destroyed by a narc unfortunately do have to understand that warped world to a certain extent. It's necessary for the victim to understand, to get their feet back on the ground, and put that narc experience in perspective. It is necessary for the victim's own personal sanity. Yes, the world the narcissist created for us was surreal, but that surreal world still has to be put into the context of the real world. Yes the surreal world was made a part of the victim's real world, whether they realized it was a farce or not. It needs to be mentioned though, that what we are describing, the narc engaging in treachery and deception, and the incredible depth and scope of their lying, is never seen as unjustified or evil to the narcissist themselves. Somehow the narcissist always has full self-justification for their actions. They will always somehow vilify the person or job or friend or relative or spouse that they are about to stab in the back. Yes the narc always sees all that they do as noble. They always see themselves as the righteous ones that have been terribly abused and mistreated. Yes, there are those self-aware narcissists, but by and large many, probably even the majority of narcissists, do see themselves as righteous. That self righteousness is the fuel that keeps them going, that allows them to perfectly deny the obvious damage they have done to every person whose lives they have touched. Those victims serve as both the outright enemy as well as the scapegoat for any culpability that hits a little too close to home for the narcissist. Yes, when the narc's treachery even comes close to implicating the narc themselves and threatens to cause the narcissist unneeded, or unexpected, or unwanted damage, the narc engages in warping reality. They change the situation through gaslighting, or any other form of lying and deception and refuse to see or accept responsibility or take the blame for their own actions. But ultimately, all of those methods pale in comparison to the narc's secret weapon of scapegoating. The narcissist's highly developed talent for scapegoating is the ultimate cure for their problems. Scapegoating washes the narcissist's misdeeds clean, gives a never ending supply of fuel for their self righteousness and creates an enemy for them to focus the rest of the people in their world on. It totally takes the attention off of the narcissist and even the narcissist is more than willing to believe their own tales of victim-hood. Yes, there are plenty of willing enablers, flying monkeys, to back up the narcissist's fabricated claims. The bottom line is the narcissist always takes the easiest way out, regardless of the damage done to others and never has any consideration whatsoever for the truth. It now becomes clear why scapegoating comes naturally to the narcissist. So, it also starts becoming easier to link the narc's stunted emotional growth to always giving up. Yes, “going when the going gets tough” is one of the many keys to explaining why the narcissist never matures, never even comes close to the level of maturity that their chronological age and there life experience and their outward persona would seem to point to. Yes, the narc has certainly learned to put on the pretense of maturity, to say and do things that appear, are perceived as mature, but it is only on the surface, an act, a farce. People who are unfamiliar with narcissism or have just recently met the narc might never understand the ruse that narc is perpetrating, but eventually, with time the narc's immaturity comes to the surface and this is usually when the narc begins to think about greener pastures. So if the narc senses they will soon be found out and will no longer be able to maintain the farce, they begin an exit strategy. On the other hand, if for some reason the narcissist is able to successfully pull the wool over people's eyes and maintain the farce, the narc then becomes bored. Yes, the narc gets bored and then begins scheming and planning. A successful farce means the narc is compelled to find something more challenging and can't help themselves but to look forward to a different venue, a new persona, another performance. Somewhere else. Yes, always giving up is clearly related to the narc's stunted emotional growth. But if there are any doubts we need to think about what happens when the narc's cleverly constructed persona is put to the test and occasionally falls to pieces. Yes, the above plans to move on, to leave are accelerated when the going begins getting tough. When the narc sees any excessive adversity or struggle they are simply given a greater incentive to engage in all of their above wiles, methods of operation. Yes, that commitment, loyalty, love, concern, respect on the part of the narcissist are all a ruse, but that ruse falls to pieces, is either partially or even fully exposed when it is put to the test. Yes, under those circumstances the narcissist gives themselves away or has great difficulty in maintaining that false persona. Once the narc knows the game is up, they simply exit. Gracefully if possible, but sometimes in any way necessary. When this departure in the face of adversity doesn't go smoothly and the narc is placed under unexpected stress there is a high risk for their true persona, the creature under the mask to be fully or partially exposed. When this does happen it creates shock in those unaware of the possibility of covert narcissism. No normal human can conceive of an intimate partner transforming into a stranger, a different persona right in front of their eyes after years of being together. No matter, the narc leaves and engages all of their carefully honed methods of protection with fluid ease. Yes, that treachery and duplicity and lying have been matured and developed to a high art. Yes, the ability to put on a fake persona has been developed to a high art as well. Just the actual person has been allowed to remain emotionally stunted at the level of a five year old. So it now begins coming into focus why the narc will be both the perennial victim and also the perpetual emotional five year old, as hard as that is to believe. The narc always gives up, always runs away when the going gets tough or conversely, when the farce they put on is no longer a challenge. So, therefore the narc never grows or matures emotionally. Only their lying, treachery, deceit, duplicity grow and mature. But of what use are those evil traits to anyone? They have no value, they are useless and even worse they do incredible damage. To others, and occasionally to the narc. But if the narc ever sees any damage to themselves, their inner five year old kicks in. That child that always has to get even, that always has to win, that always has to be right. At all costs. Then the narc goes nuclear with everything that they were about to discard anyway being vaporized. But the narc often suffers severe collateral damage themselves. No matter, as long as the victim is suffering more than they, they have still won. Yes, maturity comes from dealing with adversity, holding to a commitment and making it work, be it in a friendship, a relationship, a marriage, a career. That is how people mature and over time the benefits of sticking it out, of staying steady and firm in your commitment do show benefits. No, those benefits aren't immediate or obvious but for those who have stuck it out in situations that weren't ideal we reap the benefits. The narc will never understand or experience those benefits or ever mature. Yes, healthy people put up their best efforts to stick it out under adversity if that is what is called for. We don't always succeed, sometimes we fail, and then we have to persevere and try again. Sometimes we do have to give up, but when we give up it will be after having tried everything, having left no stone unturned, having gone the extra mile and more. Regardless, we learn and do better next time and sometimes the lesson is to let go, to stop trying. That is what maturing is all about. Sadly, the narcissist takes even that healthy attitude of a sane person trying to persevere and hold on to a commitment and perverts and twists it into an evil. Yes, the narc walks away from a committed relationship, accepts no responsibility whatsoever for the commitments that they have made and calls their partner, that did make a genuine commitment, crazy. Especially if that partner dares to seek answers. Yes, the committed person who can't immediately let go and walk away from a commitment that they made is the crazy one. The narc is the sane one. Sadly the cold hearted callousness of the narcissist does make them appear sane. To the uninformed public. We know otherwise. Thank you for watching. Comments are welcomed. Peace be with you.