Life is a Game for the Narcissist: Life is a game for the narcissist and the main motivation of the narc's existence is to always be “the winner”. The irony is that the narc might be the winner every single time but the narc is not “ a winner” they are almost always a loser. Why is that the case? Well there are many possibilities, so it might be a good time to analyze the narc's inner emotional workings to get at least one piece of the puzzle. The narc is devoid of many of the positive emotions that are required for success. At the job, and in a relationship. You could call the narc emotionally detached, but that is only true for love, commitment. loyalty, empathy and sympathy for their friends, coworkers or partners. There are plenty of the other emotions and those emotions encompass the entirety of the narc's emotional involvement with others. So yes the narc does invest emotions into a relationship. What are those emotions? Envy, jealousy, downright hatred, fear and anger. Yes in the narc is fully engaged when it comes to those emotions. But those emotions don't bind, they do just the opposite, they divide. So is it any wonder that the narc never has a problem moving on? Let's take the subject of relationships. The average person is genuinely looking for a life partner. Someone thy can spend the rest of their lives with, bond to and grow with, In a normal relationship the bonding process alters both people so that they become even more compatible and are able to have a peaceful, joyful coexistence. That is the goal of both of those partners because both have heavily invested their hearts and souls into each other and made themselves vulnerable. So how does the narc feel about a partnership with someone? Well the narc doesn't look for love or a lifetime commitment since the narc is incapable of comprehending or appreciating those things so the narc is out for an experience. What is on the narc's shopping list? What is a narc looking for in a partner? Is it looks, charm charisma? Someone they truly understand? Those things may be taken into account , but the narc's number one item on the list is to find someone thst is easily manipulated,. This is what makes a codependent or “self love deficient” individual the narc's prime target. The narc needs someone that is trusting, someone that has a strong desire to seek the approval of others, someone that has a strong urge to please others. So yes all of the other things on the wish list that normal people look for in a potential partner are there for the narc, but the narcissists primary objective is ease of manipulation all other qualities of the potential partner are secondary. So the narc begins playing the game and aside from the emotions above, which are really divisive, the narc really never has an emotional bond to their partner at all. The narc does mirror and mimic the love that they see in other genuine relationships and even the love that comes from their partner, but it is all fake. An astute partner occasionally notices when the narc shows their ankle but the narc quickly regroups and the fantasy of a genuine love relationship is maintained. Over time the target becomes so wrapped up in the illusion of being in a real relationship that the target will even ignore the obvious lack of concern of the narc. However as the narc gets deeper and deeper into their devaluation phase, eventually the narcissist's callousness, disloyalty, duplicity, lack of empathy become so obvious that the target, even in their hypnotized state starts putting together these anomalies in the relationship. Things that just don't fit with the narc's profession of their love and devotion. But by then the narc doesn't care any more since they are planning on new supply anyway. So what is the point? Well the narc is just playing a game and extracting as much attention and other energy that they can from the partner and that is really the extent of the narc's actual involvement in the relationship. The facade or mask the narc presents to their partner is just there to maintain the energy supply. So the narc plays their sick game of pretending to genuinely love and getting their partner to be fully convinced of that love gives the narc the thrill of winning. So let's say the partner starts noticing that the narc is really not genuine in their affections and decides to end the relationship? Well that is totally unacceptable to the narc and they will do everything in their power to win back the partner. Why? Well we already know it isn't due to a love bond, so why? Well the narc is compelled to resume the relationship because they simply can't imagine themselves as being a loser in their own game. The narc needs to be the one who discards, the narc has to be the one that quits the job. The narc as to be the victor in all circumstances. So ironically the narc's obsession with being a winner is one of the main causes for them continually being a loser- in life. We can take this same attitude and transfer it to a workplace to a friendship or even to a relationship with family members. The root motivation of the behavior is all the same. The narc must win. At all costs. For the most part those costs are meant to be borne by others, but the narc is even willing to lose something important, just to win in their petty game of life. You could say the narc would be willing to break an arm if it mean they could break the victim's two legs. That would count as a win for the narc. What about the successful narc? Well, that attitude combined with intelligence can actually be an asset in the business world or in politics where a ruthless disregard of the well being of others can be an advantage. So what does this mean for the victims, some of whom seem to get into one narc relationship after another? Well everything if you begin to understand that only YOU, the empath have ever really given of yourself in that relationship with the narcissist. The narcissist was a detached observer simply draining fuel from you and putting up whatever pretense necessary to obtain that fuel. In the beginning the narc gave a large amount of positive reinforcement in the idealization phase, supplying huge doses of compliments, encouragement, seeming concern, and emotional support. But the narc carefully measured out that energy expenditure, making sure that eventually all of that expense would be recovered and from there on out the narc would have a steady source of energy to draw from the victim that would not be reciprocated by the narc. So there would be constant energy flowing from the victim to the narc. Quite a good return on the investment, another win for the narc. Once the victim had been depleted of all of their positive energy, or the narc got bored, or there was the potential for new supply the narc began the devaluation phase to get a steady flow of energy from the victim again. This energy being all negative. Yes the narc would start abusing the victim, or if you just want to say the narc just started not being nice to the victim. The narc purposefully began their sick game of never allowing the victim to ever feel like they were quite satisfying the needs of the narc. Moving the goalposts. Hamster wheel srguments that left the victim out of breath neverhaving gotten am=nywhere. Refraing of things the victim said to make the mean==aning of those words totally different than what the victim intended. Gaslighting where the narc would play games with the victim's sense of realtiy And of course the mainstay of the narc's abuse the narcs premier talent that of the lie. Yes the narc was deft at lying strategically the narc then started drawing negative energy in the devaluation phase of the relationship narc had depleted all of the positive energy from the victim As the realtionship went into the devaluation phase and the narc went full force slowly degrading the victim's sense of self and self esteem and sense of reality, the narc stillWhere has the empath gone wrong, what is it about a person with self- love deficit or codependency that has to be less of a human being.you have the right to expect empathy from your partner and loyalty. It isn't OK for a partner to be constantly berating you and making you feel fixed or changed or enlightened in the target victim? Here are a few things to think about. You have te right to genuine love, you have the right to be always respected by your partner, So here is where the narc's maximum energy draw, no expenditure on the part of the narc. So here is the sickest part of it all the part that makes every single narc deserve every disparaging metaphor. These cretinous demons would actually get pleasure, sick pleasure that would give them a lifetime of glee if they accomplished driving the victim to suicide. Yes that is the ultimate win for the narc. Are you getting it yet? The narc doesn't care he never did and he never will. Life is but a game to the narc and it's all about the narc winning. That is the unbeleivable f=reality for some narcs and the undeniable realtiy of the person tha called herself my lifetime partner. She will one day receive her reward. I just have one request never to see or hear from her again. I have left it all in God's hands and if He chooses to save her and she avoids eternal damnation, good for her. The likelihood of her humbling herself? Slim to none. and goes from being not a good person to undeniabley evil. It is one thing to have depraved indifference to a person you previously pretended to love but here is where the situation goes beyond the pale. These sick depraved pieces of filth get pleasure out of tormenting and devastating there previous partners inflicting every mental cruelty imaginable on their former partners. If that cruelty can be timed at the right moment, the victim's birthday, or the death of a family member all the better. That creates maximum impact. The narc knows all of the vulnerabilities of the victim since the victim confided everything to the narc, so the treacherous narc holds nothing back. Maximum pain becomes So what is the point of all of this for the victim? The narc has dixcarded you and in your mind you have suffered a great loss. Here is the reality a reality that is two edeged in the sense that it can wound deeply, but if looked at in a different way can heal deeply as well. What is that truth? The narc never cared, they don't care now and they will never care in the future. Think about the implication of that. When the narc first charmed you and made you feel like a million dollars- they didn't care about you. When the narc seemed like they didn't care and then made an excuse and convinced you they did car no the narc was lying they didn't care. When the narc told you how special you were and how much they loved you, they didn't care. When the narc showed lack of concern and lack of empathy and just treated you badly and you made excuses for the narc- you were just covering up the obvious reality the reality that you as a victim couldn't accept. The narc didn't care. When the narc discarded you and abused you mentally and possibly physically you made all sorts of excuses for them they were frustrated overworked, in physical pain, it was that time of the month, their blood sugar was low, you name it, when you made excuses that the narc didn't really want to abuse you you were wrong again. The narc didn't care. Yes the narc may come back again and try to convince you that they had a change of heart that they really do love you. Now you know it isn't true at all the narc doesn't care. Yes whether the narc is friendly and building you up or when they tear you down it is all the same. The narc doesn't care. The narc never cared and the narc never will. Life is simply a game for the narcissist and the people they come in contact with are simply chess pieces on a board. But the narc is playing both sides. The narc controls the game and is in essence playing himself. No one else is in control.