The Narcissist Lives in A Surreal World of His Own Making With Devastating Results to the Real World The statement that a narcissist is the center of their own world is spot on accurate. The narc is King or Queen and Creator in this world of theirs and the rest of us in the real world are merely players in HER world. The narcissist's world is the only world they know and the only world that counts to them. So the narcissist decides the rules in this world and answers only to its Queen, the narc themselves. How convenient, since every human being on this earth is kind and forgiving to themselves. So what is the point? Well this attitude causes REAL damage to the rest of us willing to live in the REAL WORLD, a world we have to share with others, a world were we aren't King, a world were we are accountable for our actions, a world were we have to compromise to get along. To illustrate this point let's indulge in a metaphor. Let's give an example of a person who takes a water pistol and spray paints that water pistol, then goes into a bank and brandishes that pistol. The people in that bank are terrorized and the narc decides to teach that selfish teller a lesson, making her strip to her underwear. The 60 year old “selfish and terrible” loan officer who wouldn't give her a loan is terrorized to the point that they have a heart attack. The narc looks on and refuses to allow help to be called. Another teller is so badly threatened she nearly has a seizure. The narc then walks out of that bank not having taken a single penny. So let's take a look at the aftermath here in this metaphorical example. The “arrogant”, according to the narc, bank teller that had to strip to her underwear was so humiliated that she couldn't return to work and suffered such anxiety that she took years to recover and get back to normal. The loan officer, well he didn't get a chance to give away his daughter at the wedding. The whole family was devastated and the loan officer's widow was so distraught she had to sell the house and go into assisted living. Twenty years of that poor woman's life was robbed from her. These could have been quality years with her husband, her soul mate. Instead they were spent isolated and her mental and physical health deteriorated. Those grandchildren never got to meet and gain wisdom from a man that they would have known as Pop Pop. What about the last teller? Well, she went back to work, but after a few months of waiting for the next person to walk in with a gun, and suffering incredible anxiety attacks, she had to get out of the bank. In fact she would never again be able to work in a position that had direct contact with the public. What incredible power that narc had. What an accomplishment, and all with a mere water pistol. So, what about the narc? Did they feel any remorse? Of course not. Those people in the bank needed to be taught a lesson. The narc did the world a favor. After all how could they not understand the importance of that narcissist. How could they commit the cardinal sin of just treating her like some average person off the street. The narc did no wrong. After all that was a water pistol and they were in no danger whatsoever. She even painted the water pistol dark brown, not black. It should have been obvious that that wasn't a real gun. She never stole a penny of money, no harm was done at all. If these people were so stupid as to not see that gun was a water pistol painted dark brown, it isn't the narc's fault what happened to them. They were too trusting, not wise enough to the world. Too naive, because they had a soft childhood a life of ease and comfort growing up. Not like the narc who had to learn early about the harsh reality of life. Therefore it isn't the narc's fault if they over reacted to something. There was no threat to these people. The narc did nothing wrong and no one will ever convince the narc otherwise. It isn't the narc's fault. To add to all of this the narcissist harbors uncontrollable rage, anger, and resentment at both of those tellers and the loan officer. She will never be able to forgive them for what they did to her. Of course, if the authorities ever investigate and question her, she will deny the whole event ever happened. She was simply at the bank to make a deposit, but had to leave before she could make that deposit. Those people at the bank are liars and they have an overactive imagination. Those people who work at the bank are crazy they need mental help. This is the mentality of the narcissist and this is why they will never understand the devastating effects of their behavior or ever take responsibility. They automatically assume no one ever had it harder than them. They assume that anyone who doesn't see them as special is a bad ignorant person that deserves to be punished. How dare anyone the narc comes in contact with expect to be treated as an equal. Such insurrection would never be allowed. The narc reigns supreme in their own world and will never give up control. Their sole purpose in the love bombing or idealization phase was to get you to willingly enter their world. You willingly entered that world and now you have the audacity to actually want to have rights in the narc's world? You actually think the narc will leave that world of their own creation and share existence in the real world as a mere mortal, an equal to others? You never understood the narc, or you would have never expected the narc to consider you an equal. If you understood the narc, you would have never insisted on having any rights of your own choosing. After all, the narc gave you plenty of rights and plenty of freedom, you just never realized those rights and freedoms were granted to you by the narc. Your assumption that you were entitled to rights and entitled to choose and fight for the rights you decided were important to you was an act of supreme arrogance and pride, according to the narc. That attitude alone justified all that the narc did to you, including your banishment. Thank you for watching, your comments are always welcomed. Peace be with you.

The Scourge of Societal Degradation: The Enemy Within: Locating The Source of The Problem: A War for the Heart and the Mind- Hijacking Culture: If you ask a person what it is in this world that they value above all other things, you will usually get a response of their family. The average parent would automatically think of their children. Then their grandchildren, then their extended family. Beyond family there is your cultural heritage, and beyond that there is the community that you live in. Lastly there is a sense of a national identity. These are the things of lasting value that have been carefully handed to you from previous generations and are the things you will pay forward to the next generation. These are the important things that people are willing to die for. These ideals are so valuable that wars are fought to protect them. The present society we live in in America was bought with the blood of those who died in the Revolutionary War and all subsequent generations paid these American freedoms and ideals forward to the next generation. The ideals of acceptable codes of conduct are individualized for each family, but also extend to the aggregate of people in a society. How groups of people in a society should behave. These standards evolve and change over time and the hope is that they are continually improved upon. You could cite civil rights for all citizens as an example. For thousands of years as economic, political, environmental, and technological changes occurred in a society, these standards were modified and changed to take into account new conditions. This was an organic, thoughtful evolution of an existing society. These changes were made only as an adaptation, the best and most efficient way of incorporating changes so that society could grow and prosper. So what happens if these changes are not made with a simple agenda of adapting to new economic or technological changes? What happens if a group of people has a different agenda? What happens if the ideals that every generation was willing to die for are attacked from within and at a very slow and imperceptible pace? The general population adapts to these ARTIFICIAL changes that are not beneficial to the society in the same way that the population adapted to the BENEFICIAL organic changes. Especially if the population is told that these artificial, corrosive changes are GOOD and that anyone who opposes these changes is BAD. So what is the point? The assumption that all change is good and more modern is just that, an assumption. The problem is that everyone has been programmed to believe this assumption is not an assumption, but an incontrovertible fact. Therefore, the public believes without question that the change in standards or codes of conduct for a society are automatically an improvement, made for the benefit of future generations. But what if there is an agenda? What if these changes are not a response to finding a solution to adapt to technological or environmental or economic changes? What if there is an agenda not to build up and improve a society, but rather to destroy it? That is known as having an enemy within. Here is what happens when an external enemy decides to attack a society. First the attacker is identified and called out as being wrong and evil. Then the society unites, comes together against this common enemy. People's notions of patriotism kick in and there is a re-emphasis and celebration of all that is good about an individual society. A common enemy gives a sense of unity and community. Those of us old enough need just remember the 9/11 attacks. All Americans were brothers and sisters and we all united against a new common enemy. So what if a group of people understands what is most important and valuable and chooses a roundabout way to take that away right under a society's nose? Well if it is done right, no one will notice, but when people do notice the internal enemy simply retreats and restrategizes. Since no one ever recognized these people as an enemy, they are free to stay in society and regroup. The planning never stops and the enemy will never rest until their ultimate goal is achieved. So, you may ask, who is this “group” of people you are referring to? In one word, they are the GLOBALISTS. These people come from all origins, although many of them can be considered puppets of a shadow group that no one even knows about. Their goal? To dissolve all national boundaries, dissolve all sense of societal identity and ultimately blend all of the people on earth into a homogeneous group. So, what is needed to fight these people? First people in a society need to wake up to the presence of globalists. Then people have to regain a sense of solidarity and understand that the incitement of unnecessary racial, class,cultural, and gender disputes is a way of dividing and conquering the population. Second we will not get into the racial or ethnic identity of the globalists, because in all likelihood these people are of many backgrounds. The people who are awake are also of all backgrounds. So what is the point of all of this. Each race and ethnicity has a right to exist. Each individual culture has a right to exist. Our Creator literally separated people into various groups. He was dead set against a one world society with one tongue and one culture. See the story of the tower of Babel. So the Individual people and cultures and races of the world have to stop allowing the people behind the curtain to dictate what they should think and how they should think. If Americans want to preserve their culture, this is NOT an act of hate, it is an act of love. An act of appreciating all of the efforts and suffering of previous generations and an act of love to preserve that culture for future generations. This doesn't at all mean that other cultures are not appreciated, but it is simply doing what all people do when confronted with a common enemy. “Circling the wagons” and fighting for a common cause, reaffirming and remembering all that is good about a society. We should consider other cultures and people of all races brothers. They have their sovereignty and we simply want to have ours. There is no racism or sense of superiority involved with this and in America, we have a multiracial society. The problem is not multiracialism, the problem is multiculturalism, which can only serve to erode an existing culture. But this subject is radioactive and people just refuse to acknowledge or think about it. You are doing new additions to a society no favor by enabling them not to assimilate, and you are doing a society no favors by Balkanizing it. You are just sewing the seed for future discord amongst citizens who consider themselves different from each other. So let's be clear about what is going on in our present world. Globalists have gradually and insidiously gained more and more control of every aspect of society and have gradually chipped away at the moral standards of the world's communities. How have they done this? By using the tools of media. It doesn't matter what media we are talking about, they are all in lockstep. This includes Movies, Television, News Outlets, and Newspapers. They all read from the same script and no variations or independent thinking are allowed, with some minor exceptions. The small group of Television networks, Television programs, Radio talk show programs, and Movies that are allowed to go off of the official narrative (for example Fox News and Various Radio Talk Shows) are put under heavy constraints. As an example, any one of the TV or radio hosts knows full well that one misplaced word or statement taken out of context can result in their dismissal. So these “opposing” voices to the mainstream also serve a purpose for the globalists, namely to give the illusion of freedom of speech and thought, the illusion of allowing people to speak their minds. The internet has been the one area that has been free of the stringent control of the globalist, but this is just one of the many setbacks that they have had over the decades and you can be sure that just as in past eras, it is only a matter of time until the truth is once again silenced. This silencing will always have the appearance of acting on the behalf of the public, and as most people are totally oblivious to what is being done to them the masses will be all to happy to agree as their freedoms are torn from them with their own consent. The enemy within has achieved what a thousand armies and all the fire power in the world couldn't achieve, without firing a single shot. Thank you for watching, your comments are welcomed.

The Narcissist Never Plays an Honest Hand: Comments have arisen on this channel about no contact and the implication was made that if the victim enforces no contact against the narcissist isn't the victim being hardhearted? That poses an interesting question, especially if the victim is the one that was discarded, and this is a valid question that deserves an answer. So, should the narcissist be given a second chance? Almost everyone deserves a second chance don't they? The answer is No if that person tried to kill you, and shows no sign of having learned anything since the event, but that is an extreme example. Most of the time yes, everyone deserves a second chance and the real issue here is one of trust. Even if given a second chance the victim would be fool hearty to let down their guard if the narcissist wants to resume a relationship. So, here is the problem, the narcissist never plays an honest hand. Would you play another game of poker with someone who took away your life savings in your last Poker game then was found to be cheating? How then do you approach someone in this scenario? You have three options: play the game and make sure you don't put too much at stake, have someone closely monitor the other player, or YOU, the victim decide that Poker will no longer be played. You decide on the game to be played and you make the rules and you closely monitor your opponent for cheating. If there is cheating a penalty will need to be established. If your partner refuses to play on an even playing field, you have done your duty and given them the second chance at a relationship, not a second chance to take advantage of you and destroy all that you have rebuilt. Here is my real life experience. I was free of the narc and had taken them off of my phone contacts long ago, when a question came up in the comments section asking if a victim going no contact with the narc is hardhearted which it definitely is not, since the victim has every right to get away from the abuse. My response was also that I would give the narc a second chance if they asked for it, and that I would try to make things work. I made an Instagram post that I thought the narc might see stating that I was willing to communicate with her if she wanted to resolve our issues. Not one week later I get a message on Instagram that I have a contact with a new IG account with the name “spam account “x”, name withheld”, no posts, over 300 followers, new account. I didn't really care. Ignored it. 1 week later my Instagram page tells me “your friend “y”, account name withheld, is on Instagram”. I now have another contact that is on Instagram. Well there were some dark posts on that site which gave me cause for concern, so I actually commented on the post out of concern. Then, not 6 hours later, I realized I was once again being set up for another round of deception, screen shotted my comment, deleted it, and blocked and hid all of these new accounts from my Instagram page. Once again the narc was going to engage me in a game where the narc made all of the rules. 2 days later I unblocked the account and made a post saying you have my number you are free to text me if you want to contact me. I for one will not be looking up those accounts again. Then the doubt sets in and you start beating yourself up thinking you just blew an opportunity at communicating with your previous partner and lost the opportunity to resolve some of the issues that are still up in the air. Once again you're back in the depths of depression and it's like day 2 post discard. You lose all sense and value of yourself again, but luckily after some much needed sleep and reflection it dawns on you, if that narc really cared they would come at you in a straightforward way. I clearly stated to her she was welcomed to contact me, and of course I meant as herself. Instead I am supposed to communicate with some dark anime character. A woman of nearly 50 years of age should be beyond that. So like someone who has overcome a bad infection, you have some immunity from being reinfected and this is what I observed. You have just rebuilt yourself into a functional human being with greater and greater periods of joy in your life and you are optimistic about your future and feeling pretty good about yourself. Then this setback and something inside of you fights back. You realize that you are a person with beliefs and with standards, a person with internal sovereignty that has value. You realize there is nothing wrong with you. These strong reactions and reaffirmations of yourself are your psyche's natural defense against the impulse you have to beat yourself up and question yourself for not having been good enough for the narc or having ideas that didn't align with that of the narcissist. It is like an immune system and as rapidly as this reinfection comes it resolves itself. You have learned and you have learned on a subconscious level. Then to complete the cure you reemphasize and recall all of the terribly abusive behavior the narc inflicted and again think of her as an evil beast. This terrible metaphor is also protective since it very accurately depicts the danger the narc poses to you. This is literally a battle for your heart, soul, and mind and at one point it was a battle for your very life, so I am very sorry, but I have no regrets calling these people evil beasts. My death or misfortune or financial ruin would give the narc the greatest pleasure. I can not go into the details, but because of the narc's gaslighting, triangulation, and devaluation, I was at the verge of making a huge mistake that the narc knew about. Metaphorically, I was about to drive off a cliff financially and personally and the narc knew this and just watched and waited. They actually went out of their way to get me to make this mistake. Luckily, I came to my senses and I am now better off than I could have ever imagined. No thanks to the narc. So, to get back to reconciliation, if that were ever to happen, which is highly unlikely. Remember the poker analogy and the fact that the narc never plays an honest hand. Keep on reminding yourself of that. Only verifiable actions should ever dissuade you of that notion. First and foremost the victim will have to be the one making the rules in the relationship and the victim had better have a strong sense of who they are and keep their core being heavily guarded and off limits to the narc. Trust and laxening of the control will have to be earned. You are now wise to the ways of the narc, so gaslighting, lying, circular arguments that get you nowhere will need to be called out as they occur. Real honest communication will have to be an integral part of every day, week, and month and the relationship will have to be made a high priority. In addition there can be no secrecy, that is a two way street both you and the narc need to be more open about things. Will this ever occur with a narcissist? That's highly unlikely. The narc will put on the act of sincerity, but most likely once again find a way into you. They will almost see the above rules and constraints as a challenge and once they have gained your confidence, they will not be able to fight the urge to find new supply and discard you yet again. So, should you give the narc a second chance? That depends on your situation. You are best off not to give that second chance, but if you feel strong enough to enforce all of the safeguards, maybe. If you aren't married to that person, one episode of actual infidelity is probably enough to say NO. If you are married, especially if you have children then there is more of a need to try to make things work. If a person is physically violent with you all bets are off, NO WAY do you want to place yourself in physical or life threatening danger. That is my opinion. My policy for a girlfriend was always “one strike and you're out” and I made that clear to her and she knew I meant it. Trust? My clearly stated policy was that my trust for them was 100%. They had 100% freedom to do whatever they needed to do or wanted to do without question or concern on my part. Unexplained time away or inability to keep a date on time were never questioned as was phone or computer use. But once there was evidence of a problem with infidelity I would move to find out everything. That was clearly stated to my ex and she knew I was serious. I always believe that a person's infidelity will eventually be brought to my attention without any effort on my part and that proved itself to be true. In conclusion, the best course of action is to get yourself back, become emotionally strong and mentally healthy again and when you are ready find a genuine person to spend the rest of your life with. Freedom from a narcissist is the greatest gift you could give yourself and it shouldn't be that difficult to find someone that will be far superior to the narc, since the average person is not a pathological narcissist, narcopath for short. Thank you for watching. Your comments are always welcomed.

Getting over the “What If's” after Narcissist Discard One of the things that tortures the Narc victim after the sudden discard is the “what if” syndrome. What if I would have said that, what if I would have done that differently, what if I would have noticed sooner that something was wrong, what if I would have been more assertive in trying to resolve issues I knew needed to be addressed in the relationship, what if I would have breached my integrity and done what the narc asked, the list goes on and on. “If only”, then you would still be in the relationship with the narc, you would still be happy (or at least you thought you were happy). This is like being in quicksand, the more you struggle and try to make sense of things, the deeper you sink. So how do you get out of this scenario? What you need to do is focus on other things, once you focus on the other things and answer some questions you won't have any “what if's”, at least for this episode of recurrent PTSD. Here is what to focus on, at least what I have found is helpful. One: Was the Narc lying to you? To one degree or another, YES. Two: Were they ever really honest with you about their feelings, and their plans? No, they were NOT. Three: Did they ever really want to work things out with you and have any resolution to the problems that came up in the relationship? No, they did not. Four: Did they ever even want to deal with the problems in the relationship when you brought them up? No, they did not. Five: Did they ever really love you? Well, you always thought they did, they said they did, but there were so many evidences to the contrary. Six: Were they ever loyal to you? No they were not. There were so many evidences of disloyalty, that you couldn't believe they were loyal and yet the narc turned the tables on you and sometimes questioned your loyalty, which was never in question, by the way. By the narc questioning your loyalty, you automatically assumed they understood the importance of loyalty and they valued loyalty. You never even considered that possibly the narc was just setting up a smoke screen to hide their own disloyalty. Seven: Then you have to think about multiple times where you were just puzzled by the way the narc acted when they should have had sympathy and empathy for you, they should have cared about you, they should have really been concerned about you. What did the narc do in these situations? They were totally cold and calloused in ways you would have never expected them to be in that environment. So, after going through all of the above questions and answering them honestly, you have to wonder if the narc ever really loved you at all. When you start focusing on the above questions with the new found knowledge that you have gained through research on the web, YouTube, books, and learning about other people's experiences , you realize that you were definitely with a narc. Of course, you have to be very sure of that, you don't want to be just accusing them of this, but when you're sure you were with a narc, you're sure they didn't have a lot of the qualities that a partner should have had, then you can start letting yourself off the hook. You can stop with the “what if's”. You tried everything in your power to have meaningful conversations and resolve issues, the narc did everything in their power to NEVER resolve them. You were an honest broker, you made a lifetime commitment to the narc. The narc was just putting on an act, knowing that they were putting on an act and just planning a few steps ahead, so that they could make an exit cleanly, pretending it was all your, the victim's fault. This is what the narc was doing all along. The narc never planned on having a permanent relationship with you, and if they did plan on a lifetime relationship, it would still only last as long as it was advantageous to the narc. They would abandon that commitment with no remorse when another newer or better opportunity came along always with a good excuse for why they had to leave and why they are the victim and you are all to blame. So let's say the discard could have been avoided and you were still in the relationship with the narc. Would you really be better off? Think about it. You would still be under the impression the narc loved you, that they were loyal, that they were honest and mostly truthful, that they were truly committed to you. You would never even know that covert narcissists exist. Yes you would once again think you were happy, but were you really happy in the relationship? Not really. On top of that you now know that the whole foundation of the relationship was based on lies and deception, so that whatever value you placed on the relationship and whatever comfort and happiness you were getting was really only based on an illusion. Think about this. You are now better off. True joy, happiness and hope are slowly coming back into your life. Yes, you are better off. Focus on that. What if you were back with the narc? You would still think you were happy and just needing to work a little bit harder to satisfy the unhappy, dissatisfied narc. Success was always just around the corner as you squeezed yourself harder and harder and yet you never seemed to get any traction. Is that really something you miss? One last point to make: You still think that YOU are the one who lost everything when the relationship suddenly ended, but you really didn't lose anything when the narc left. Ironically, the narc, who thinks they lost nothing, really, actually lost everything. The narc lost true love, they lost someone who cared about them. They lost someone who was committed to them as a human being and dedicated to their personal growth. A person dedicated to the growth of the relationship, and committed to the narc's happiness. That's what they lost. What you thought you lost: love, somebody who cared about you, somebody who would be your life partner, you NEVER had. So just remember that, and be thankful that the “what if's” didn't go a different way, that things are the way they are. If you really do want to do some “what if's”. What if you were still with that person? What if you were still under the illusion that they cared about you? What if you went forward even further with your relationship together and made even deeper commitments. What if? What if you realized all of this even deeper into the relationship? What if the narc was untrue to you when you were even more vulnerableThank you as always for listening. I look forward to your comments. May peace and joy surround you and may you heal more and more with each passing day.

Reaping the Benefits of Healing after Narcissist Abuse: Patience and Daily Work are Key: You have gone through a couple of months with No Contact from the narc and then one day you think about all that the narc did to you, but you no longer take it personally. You are intimately aware of all of the details of what the narc did, but you just think about it all with detached amazement. You say to yourself: “Wow, it is inconceivable that that type of person could exist and be so wicked, I would of never have believed it possible. Too bad for them. I will be on the lookout for people like this in the future and very gently detach myself and get away if I meet another one. Thank goodness I am free of all of that negativity.” Yes, you have worked hard fighting your way out of the dark world of the narc. You didn't start out that way, did you? No, you wanted back into the relationship. You can call it Stockholm Syndrome or liken it to a person who just got released after a 20 year prison sentence. You aren't really sure what to do with your life in this sunny, positive world, or what to do with your freedom, so you actually want to go back into your cell and live the comfortable life that you were so used to. A harsh, restrained existence where you were fed crumbs of emotional support and pretended they were a fine meal. You needed to use your imagination and pretend everything was great. Now you are free and it's become your responsibility to never return to that cell. It is time to live life, and you have worked hard for the freedom. That freedom is the mental freedom of no longer catering every thought to the welfare of the narc, no longer spending huge amounts of time thinking about new ways to satisfy and please the narc. The narc programmed you to want to please and satisfy them and at the same time they purposely made it impossible to ever attain that goal by constantly changing the goalposts. The result: continuous turmoil , frustration, self-doubt on your end, and a gradual decline in your self confidence and self esteem. In the end you thought of your self as having no value and you weren't capable of doing anything right. So the work began after the discard and you learned about covert narcs and applied that knowledge to your own situation. You fought hard to detect all of the toxic thoughts and emotions that the narc had injected your heart and soul with and you worked on eliminating those toxins by allowing your heart and mind to process, filter and eliminate them from your life. Every dark thought had to be met head on, not buried and in my case it was and still is being given to God. How many times have you heard it in these videos, “Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord”. This worked and continues to work for me, but the results are not always immediate. Every narcissist victim needs to come to grips with what was done to them as soon as possible, because there does need to be a day when you truly have moved on and you no longer think about or worry about narcissism. That has to be your goal, even though you can't give yourself an ultimatum or time limit to be 100% narc free. 100% narc free means not thinking of the narc partner and no longer thinking about narcissism in general. Yes, you will be gun shy and looking out for other narcissists, but over time even that can be eliminated. If you are lucky enough not to have been married to and you don't have any children with the narc, you will eventually recognize your good fortune and blessings. If you share children with the narc, but are unmarried, that can be made to work. Both of the unmarried partners NEVER entered into the sacred vows of marriage with that narc creature and are at least technically not obligated to return to that toxic, dark environment EVER again. The poor souls unfortunate enough to have been deceived into marrying these beasts are in a much tougher situation and I will not speak to that subject. I have personally had a divorce and I did consider myself a Christian. Was my ex wife a narc? Probably, and I never even realized it at the time. It is never recommended that anyone get a divorce but I can totally understand why people do get a divorce. Especially with a full blown narc that refuses to be faithful and loyal, and who doesn't have an ounce of genuine love or empathy. But that is between you and God. I am at peace with my decision to get a divorce and I was ready to be alone the rest of my life rather than spend another day with my ex wife. That was my decision, I will never advocate divorce to anyone else. So I will now speak to those who are free of their narc partner. For those of us that were discarded, we as victims couldn't even allow ourselves to think or believe that our partner could truly just abandon us and never have a second thought about us or any concern about us at all. This was just too harsh a reality to think about right after the narc's departure. Months have gone by, and that reality has now proven itself in actual experience. Yes, the narc told you they loved you, made you feel like the relationship was at its peak and getting better, then one week later left abruptly and never wanted to talk to you again, EVER. Never even allowed one honest conversation to take place. Now, months later, you think about this with detached amazement and are almost amused by the fact that a creature like this actually exists and you had an intimate relationship with them. You are amazed at the fact that you were totally blind to the nature of that person, because you are now very intimately aware of what darkness and evil resided below that angelic surface. The actual demon behind the mask. All you can do is shake your head and breathe a sigh of relief. You realize you are so fortunate it is over. You dodged a bullet. Then something incredible happens to you, you start smiling and have true joy and you now fully comprehend the blessing that you received by having the narc removed from your life. Previously, you were bitter and angry at losing the most important thing in your life, your relationship with the narc. All you wanted was God's help to restore what you had lost. You now fully understand that God was showing you the greatest love, compassion, and kindness you ever received from Him when He removed that narc, and didn't give you what you were asking for. You are now breathing fresh air and you feel lighter and so much more joyful and there is sunshine in your life again. You know that it is only a matter of time before you do meet someone that is positive and has the capacity for genuine love and empathy. A person that will be interested in honest communication and in building a solid, healthy relationship. But it is not time yet. You still feel that incredible bond and obligation to honor the lifetime commitment that you made to that person. You still can't fully accept that your partner, the person you were presented with as being your partner, isn't buried deep inside that shell of a being you spent all of those years with. But you are at least open to the possibility of a new relationship and in some ways looking forward to it. There is someone out there that will be placed in your life, and when you meet that person, you will fully comprehend the incredible gift you were given when the narc was removed. They were removed to make room for a genuinely good person that is far better, far superior in every way to the person that you lost. Only you can prevent this from happening, by insisting on the narc and the narc alone, or by accepting another low quality relationship in an effort to rush the healing process. Patience is key. Thank you for watching, comments are always welcomed.

The Common Denominator of the Neglected Abused Narc and the Overindulged Narc It is a source of great mystery and wonderment that neglecting or abusing a child can produce a similar effect to doing just the opposite, overindulging a child and giving them everything their way. Those parents that treat a child of 4 or 5 like an adult, give them everything their way, but also push them into activities the child would prefer not to participate in are a separate category. Please note: we are talking about extreme examples of mis-parenting and there are also strong-willed or difficult children that can overwhelm even the best intentioned parents. There are probably many other possible ways to create a narcissist, but let's focus on the concept of right and wrong, good and bad as they relate to narcissism. This will be our main topic. We will also briefly discuss trust and respect as it relates to narcissism. 1. Parenting styles that predispose children to narcissism: A. The Overindulged Narcissist: “Modern” Parenting: To understand the origins of the explosion in the number of overindulged narcissists you need to go back to a book entitled “Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care” written by Dr. Benjamin Spock and first published in 1946. Modern day parenting, which is permissive and advocates not injuring the child's self-esteem has it's origins in this book. This book advocated accommodating children's feelings and catering to their preferences. Previously children had been brought up to respect authority and parents taught children self-denial and delayed gratification. Now, instead the home was to become child-centered, with an emphasis on allowing the child to develop their own “freedom of expression”. The child was to be heavily praised, whether they deserved it or not, in an effort to build the child's self-esteem. The concept of positive and negative reinforcement was eliminated and there was to be only minimal correction by the parent in an effort to let the child develop unbridled from parental influence. So there was mostly praise with minimal negative feedback from the parent. This parenting philosophy grew in momentum and started becoming noticeable by the early 1960's . At that time, the people practicing this style of parenting were still in a minority and considered the exception. An episode of a 1960's sitcom, Bewitched, Episode 26, Season 4 titled “Playmates” seemed to show the folly of this method, and nearly all parents of the day were in agreement that this was no way to raise a child. But the tide turned and nowadays disciplining a child, telling them they need to do better, and teaching them the concept of absolute right and wrong is considered out-dated and to some people they even consider this child abuse. At least that is how the popular media portrays it and the evidence of this type of parenting is all around us. Thank goodness most parents aren't adhering to this concept, they simply try to incorporate portions of it into a more traditional form of parenting. The problem is, a greater and greater percentage of people are parenting by this method hard core as true believers. B. The Neglected Abused Narcissist: In Contrast, the neglected or abused narcissist got either no feedback or inappropriate or incorrect feedback for their actions. Meaning that the neglected narc frequently never got praised or even acknowledged for doing good and frequently never got the appropriate feedback for doing bad. In some warped situations the narc child may actually have received the greatest praise when they did the wrong thing, such as stealing or successfully lying to someone. So this child has literally been trained that evil is good. Can you think of anything sadder than that? C. Conclusion: No Subtlety for the Narcissist: So what is the point? What is the common denominator? Both the overindulged and the abused narcissist were never taught to understand the true meaning of right and wrong, good and bad, because these narcs never received the proper feedback from their parents. No rewards that were proportional to a good deed and no punishment that was also in proportion to a bad deed. Because of this, the narcs never developed a sense of proportionality, the subtle wrongness or rightness of an action was never pointed out to them at a crucial time in their development. In other words, the narc never learned to notice the subtleties of good and bad during their development, when they would have intuitively learned all of these differences easily and developed an intuitive understanding of right and wrong in all of its various manifestations. So the narc can't notice the subtle mixture of right and wrong, good and bad, in themselves or in others. This doesn't mean the narc doesn't understand what is right and wrong, but to the narc, a person can only be right or wrong, good or bad, with very little if any provisions for a complex mixture of the two in one person. Add to this the twisted parenting that some abused neglected narcs endure and you create a person that looks normal on the outside, but literally has no moral compass, or what morality they have is twisted or reversed. The narc soon learns this fact and understands they are not like others, so they learn to mimic correct actions on the outside to fit in. II. Traditional Parenting: Positive and Negative Feedback, Accurate Self Assessment: A. General: Let's go into more detail on the parenting issue. The traditional way of bringing up a child gives consequences for bad behavior in the form of punishment and rewards good behavior in the form of praise, or anything desirable to the child. This is known as positive and negative reinforcement. Part of the problem with today's moral relativism is the concept of there being no absolute right or wrong- it's all relative, but even the narcissist and anyone with an ounce of common sense intuitively understands there is a right and wrong, good and bad. The additional societal problems, the concept of every child having equal capabilities, every child deserving an award regardless of achievement, and the above concept of anything negative injuring the child's self-esteem will be put aside. Let's focus on the right and wrong concept. So here is what happens with traditional parenting. A child does something wrong and is made aware that they did something wrong. This gives the child accurate feedback, a way of developing a pattern of self-assessment. The wrong thing could simply be a mistake, which requires the child to be made aware of it and try to learn and do better next time, or it can be an act of willful disobedience. Every wrong act will require different degrees and types of punishment, but the feedback has to be given. The subtle ways of correcting or disciplining a child, giving negative feedback, that is, were developed over hundreds and thousands of years and refined to a point where the average family, and society in general had a good idea, a rational general consensus of how to raise a child. The presence of extended family members, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, were also reservoirs of wisdom that could always be tapped. In other words, if someone needed help in how to raise a child, there were plenty of people with the knowledge and wisdom to provide it. The modern day system simply discarded those thousands of years of child rearing wisdom and reinvented nearly everything from scratch. Getting back to tradition, praise, or any other form of positive feedback was also developed to a high, subtle art, through hundreds and thousands of years of trial and error. Excessive praise for something that did not merit it, or the opposite, not giving negative feedback , was considered incorrect and referred to as spoiling the child. The positive feedback had to be proportional to the good thing that the child did. As an aside, it should also be noted that there are times when both withholding punishment or withholding praise is the best course and sometimes tough love requires a parent to push their child, but all of this gets into the most complicated problem a person will probably ever encounter- the parenting of a child. Please don't take these remarks personally. The best thing to be said is that if a child knows unequivocally that they are loved, nothing else is more important. Let's get back to the subject of narcissists, the common denominator that creates the narcissist. B. The Common Denominator for Narcissists: The neglected or abused child that becomes a narcissist received excessive, undeserved, incorrect, and inappropriate negative feedback and minimal, or incorrect, or inappropriate positive feedback. The overindulged child got minimal if any negative feedback and got excessive, unmerited, or inappropriate positive feedback. C. Normal children have a conscience, are aware of the full spectrum of human existence and can admit to personal flaws: So here is the point to be made. A child that is properly raised is aware of right and wrong and that right behavior is good and wrong behavior is bad. They are aware that doing something wrong is bad and will have negative consequences and doing something good will be rewarded or have positive consequences. This produces a child that has a conscience and an ability to accurately assess themselves and the courage to admit they did something wrong as well as the ability to feel remorse. These children have been exposed to the full spectrum of human emotions and existence and they intuitively learn about the complexities of the people around them as well as their own complexities, since they are given a method to understand and analyze themselves, as well as those around them. These children understand it is OK to make a mistake and to do something wrong, because there are so many other aspects of a person and these negative things are only a small percentage of the overall person. So a balanced, normal person will admit their mistakes or the flaw in their character, but realizing that this is only a small portion of their persona, that normal person will have the courage to admit the mistake or flaw and endeavor to minimize or eliminate those undesirable parts of themselves. The driving force and incentive behind this self assessment and change is a healthy conscience and healthy feelings of guilt and remorse that the normal person listens to and learns from. The narc, not fully comprehending the complexities of right and wrong , never develops that all important conscience or if the narc has a conscience, they end up ignoring it and eventually the conscience gets seared and is no longer present. A similar case can be made for the narc's lack of remorse and empathy. A normal person matures over a lifetime and that person is both confident and comfortable with themselves, because that person has developed a lifestyle that is open to change, honest self assessment and continual self-improvement. The Christian has the added guidance of the Bible that serves as a constant gold standard to compare oneself to. The Christian has no illusions as to their own greatness, since they need only think about Jesus, who lived a perfect, sinless life or many of the Biblical characters that had extraordinary faith that no ordinary person could even come close to. The saying “no one is perfect” is an obvious truth, but the narcissist can never accept even the slightest imperfection in themselves, because their upbringing has prevented them from seeing the complexities of others as well as their own complexities. It is all good or all bad for the narc, nothing in between. III. The Tragic Result of Not Being able to Self-Assess and Admit Personal Flaws Is Narcissism: To put things a slightly different way, in either the neglected or overindulged narcissist, accurate positive or negative feedback was absent in their upbringing and they therefore don't have the ability to accurately assess themselves and therefore, there is the absence of a conscience, or remorse, or empathy. The lack of empathy comes from the narc's inability to understand others. These narcs haven't been parented to experience the full range of feedback that would provide a foundation and framework of a conscience. A conscience or feeling remorse can only be possible if someone can think about their own wrong actions. Again, the narc has an oversimplified concept of humanity. A person is either 100% good or 100% bad to the narcissist, and the narc will fight tooth and nail to always come out as the person who is 100% good regardless of who is to blame. The actual facts of who is right or good, or who is wrong or bad is irrelevant to the narc. The narc can tell good from evil, right from wrong, but that is not what interests the narc. The narc is only focused on the appearance of good and they will do whatever it takes to have the label of “good” for themselves and those they decide to idealize in their idealization phase of a relationship. Additionally, there will always have to be those people labeled as “bad” to contrast with those who are labeled “good”. IV. Respect and Trust for the Narcissist: Both types of narc have a problem with respect for others and trusting others. The neglected abused narcissist has a problem trusting their parents,who have let them down and this transfers to other people as well. This lack of trust causes a lack of respect for others as well. The overindulged narcissist has a lack of respect for their parents, as well as those around them and this lack of respect makes it more difficult to trust the opinions or views or motivations of other people. 5. Conclusion: In summary when you combine an inability to trust and respect others, with an inability to understand the complexity of the human condition with regards to good and bad, with a lack of conscience or remorse then you can begin to understand some of the motivations of the narcissist, why they do some of the things that they do. That can be the subject of a future video. We have spent far too long in the dark world of the narcissist. It's time to get back into the sunlight. Back to a world where good is good and evil is evil. A world where love, empathy, kindness exist. A world where people present themselves as honestly as possible to their partners and believe in the power of communication and accurate feedback to their partner. A world where people have a conscience and are committed to growth and being positive. That world does exist for many people and as a narc abuse survivor, just being away from the narc has already begun to make that a reality for the victim. Thank you for watching, peace be with you. Your comments are always welcomed.

Time and the Narcissist The passage of time and space makes your tentative label of narcissist on your partner more and more accurate. At any time the narcissist could have proven you wrong. They could have shown up in your life and been truly sorry and given a heartfelt apology. They could have just been upset about a disagreement that you had and needed some time alone to gather their thoughts. Maybe the heat of the moment and the aftermath required time and after gathering their thoughts the narc would become rational again. All of this is understandable and would have been totally normal. Here is the problem. The narc never saw the error of their ways. The narc never came back to repair things. Instead, the narc immediately jumped into a new intimate relationship and immediately treated that new person as if they had been with that person for years and you, their true intimate partner for literally over 3 1/2 years, as a stranger. That is bizarre, just by hearing about it. No normal human being could do such a thing, no one that actually felt love, empathy, remorse or had a conscience. No one who ever took any responsibility for their part in a disagreement. No one who ever had a commitment to another human being in a relationship could do that. No one could just walk away from a relationship and literally never have a single two way conversation with someone they purported to love ever again. Never even one honest exchange with the person they discarded. This is the definition of being hardhearted if there ever was one. Each hour, day, week and month going by made the judgment on the narc firmer and firmer. At any time shortly after the discard, the narc could have repaired everything and as more time went by, the narc's lack of concern, love, and commitment for their previous partner became more and more obvious and undeniable. The narcissist looks upon time and space as their friend in this scenario, but in reality it just made the damage they had done to their partner greater and greater, and the narc will eventually have to pay for all of the damage he has done. So the longer the time, the greater the damage, the greater the amount that needs to be paid. Going back further , the narcissist had time and was given many chances in the past, not just a second chance. But they squandered the opportunity, because they didn't take that time to analyze what went wrong, accept responsibility, and do better next time. They injured many people over the course of their lives. They got away Scot free over and over again, so you imagine that would have given them some pause, thinking that eventually their luck would run out. Not so for the narc. Each slimy escape from the mess and discord they caused emboldened the narc further and made them even more sophisticated in their ability to deceive and mask or cover up their nefarious, evil activities of cheating and lying to their partners. Pretending to care, pretending to love, pretending to have remorse and empathy and commitment, pretending, pretending, pretending. Pretending to pretend. Pretending not to pretend. Confusing their victims and unknowingly also eventually confusing themselves without knowing it. Like a gambler, or an addict, the narc can't help themselves. Each win makes them gamble more and eventually they lose big time and end up sucked up in their own deception as everything blows up and the narc as well as the victim are severely wounded. That wasn't supposed to happen. Everything was in place for a controlled demolition. The narc would set the charges and watch at a distance as he hit the button and the victim's world carefully tumbled down all around them. It was all the victim's fault, the narc was far away. The narc wasn't the one who set the explosives, and for that matter who says there were explosives. Maybe the victim's world just tumbled down because of shoddy workmanship. Unfortunately this time the explosives went off prematurely, before the narc made a full escape. No problem, just blame everything on the victim and make the victim feel guilty and totally responsible for all that occurred. Then walk away, institute no contact, and prevent the victim from rectifying anything the narc told him he had done wrong. Are you getting the metaphor? So the passage of time makes the narcissist more and more confident in their ability to pull things off, but here is the sad part, at least for my narc. They become overconfident and are so totally deluded that their deceptive behavior, which they are so confident in as being undetectable, ends up being obvious. The narc is now actually unwittingly deceiving themselves and lying to themselves in the plane sight of the public. Their bizarre behavior is clearly abnormal. Their inability to think cohesive thoughts is obvious as they construct infantile ways of trying to deceive their former partner on social media. How sad. The passage of time also makes the narc at least begin to worry about eventually having to pay for all that he has done. Pay for it in this world, that is. After all, the narc does know right from wrong and he is aware of the fact that although he got away with all that he did, he still was really the one who should have suffered, because he knows that he did wrong. So over time at least presumably, the narc will start worrying about being abandoned the way he has done to others so many times in the past. The narc will eventually be able to trust people even less because he is fully aware of how treacherous a human being can be. He knows this from his own personal conduct towards others. Then we get to the ultimate effects of time. We all get older. The narc will age and eventually not be quite as attractive to the opposite sex and over time, there is also a possibility of losing mental capacity. This is presumably a great concern for the narc who uses both their physical appearance and mind as tools of deception. Finally there is the subject of what happens after we die. My narc told me on numerous occasions that they were not heaven bound, “I'm not going to a good place” as they used to say and I was never able to tie them down as to why they were saying this. I truly assumed the narc didn't mean it, but now I am thinking the narc may well be right. The narc may already be aware that she is beyond redemption, and sadly after all I have experienced her do I am thinking she might be correct. So if the narc's ultimate punishment is either complete annihilation or eternal anguish and pain and distress in Hell and the narc is aware of this possibility then there is no question that time is not the narcissist's friend. Let's hope the narc is one of those that does still have a chance. Thank you for watching, your comments are welcomed.