Reaping the Benefits of Healing after Narcissist Abuse: Patience and Daily Work are Key: You have gone through a couple of months with No Contact from the narc and then one day you think about all that the narc did to you, but you no longer take it personally. You are intimately aware of all of the details of what the narc did, but you just think about it all with detached amazement. You say to yourself: “Wow, it is inconceivable that that type of person could exist and be so wicked, I would of never have believed it possible. Too bad for them. I will be on the lookout for people like this in the future and very gently detach myself and get away if I meet another one. Thank goodness I am free of all of that negativity.” Yes, you have worked hard fighting your way out of the dark world of the narc. You didn't start out that way, did you? No, you wanted back into the relationship. You can call it Stockholm Syndrome or liken it to a person who just got released after a 20 year prison sentence. You aren't really sure what to do with your life in this sunny, positive world, or what to do with your freedom, so you actually want to go back into your cell and live the comfortable life that you were so used to. A harsh, restrained existence where you were fed crumbs of emotional support and pretended they were a fine meal. You needed to use your imagination and pretend everything was great. Now you are free and it's become your responsibility to never return to that cell. It is time to live life, and you have worked hard for the freedom. That freedom is the mental freedom of no longer catering every thought to the welfare of the narc, no longer spending huge amounts of time thinking about new ways to satisfy and please the narc. The narc programmed you to want to please and satisfy them and at the same time they purposely made it impossible to ever attain that goal by constantly changing the goalposts. The result: continuous turmoil , frustration, self-doubt on your end, and a gradual decline in your self confidence and self esteem. In the end you thought of your self as having no value and you weren't capable of doing anything right. So the work began after the discard and you learned about covert narcs and applied that knowledge to your own situation. You fought hard to detect all of the toxic thoughts and emotions that the narc had injected your heart and soul with and you worked on eliminating those toxins by allowing your heart and mind to process, filter and eliminate them from your life. Every dark thought had to be met head on, not buried and in my case it was and still is being given to God. How many times have you heard it in these videos, “Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord”. This worked and continues to work for me, but the results are not always immediate. Every narcissist victim needs to come to grips with what was done to them as soon as possible, because there does need to be a day when you truly have moved on and you no longer think about or worry about narcissism. That has to be your goal, even though you can't give yourself an ultimatum or time limit to be 100% narc free. 100% narc free means not thinking of the narc partner and no longer thinking about narcissism in general. Yes, you will be gun shy and looking out for other narcissists, but over time even that can be eliminated. If you are lucky enough not to have been married to and you don't have any children with the narc, you will eventually recognize your good fortune and blessings. If you share children with the narc, but are unmarried, that can be made to work. Both of the unmarried partners NEVER entered into the sacred vows of marriage with that narc creature and are at least technically not obligated to return to that toxic, dark environment EVER again. The poor souls unfortunate enough to have been deceived into marrying these beasts are in a much tougher situation and I will not speak to that subject. I have personally had a divorce and I did consider myself a Christian. Was my ex wife a narc? Probably, and I never even realized it at the time. It is never recommended that anyone get a divorce but I can totally understand why people do get a divorce. Especially with a full blown narc that refuses to be faithful and loyal, and who doesn't have an ounce of genuine love or empathy. But that is between you and God. I am at peace with my decision to get a divorce and I was ready to be alone the rest of my life rather than spend another day with my ex wife. That was my decision, I will never advocate divorce to anyone else. So I will now speak to those who are free of their narc partner. For those of us that were discarded, we as victims couldn't even allow ourselves to think or believe that our partner could truly just abandon us and never have a second thought about us or any concern about us at all. This was just too harsh a reality to think about right after the narc's departure. Months have gone by, and that reality has now proven itself in actual experience. Yes, the narc told you they loved you, made you feel like the relationship was at its peak and getting better, then one week later left abruptly and never wanted to talk to you again, EVER. Never even allowed one honest conversation to take place. Now, months later, you think about this with detached amazement and are almost amused by the fact that a creature like this actually exists and you had an intimate relationship with them. You are amazed at the fact that you were totally blind to the nature of that person, because you are now very intimately aware of what darkness and evil resided below that angelic surface. The actual demon behind the mask. All you can do is shake your head and breathe a sigh of relief. You realize you are so fortunate it is over. You dodged a bullet. Then something incredible happens to you, you start smiling and have true joy and you now fully comprehend the blessing that you received by having the narc removed from your life. Previously, you were bitter and angry at losing the most important thing in your life, your relationship with the narc. All you wanted was God's help to restore what you had lost. You now fully understand that God was showing you the greatest love, compassion, and kindness you ever received from Him when He removed that narc, and didn't give you what you were asking for. You are now breathing fresh air and you feel lighter and so much more joyful and there is sunshine in your life again. You know that it is only a matter of time before you do meet someone that is positive and has the capacity for genuine love and empathy. A person that will be interested in honest communication and in building a solid, healthy relationship. But it is not time yet. You still feel that incredible bond and obligation to honor the lifetime commitment that you made to that person. You still can't fully accept that your partner, the person you were presented with as being your partner, isn't buried deep inside that shell of a being you spent all of those years with. But you are at least open to the possibility of a new relationship and in some ways looking forward to it. There is someone out there that will be placed in your life, and when you meet that person, you will fully comprehend the incredible gift you were given when the narc was removed. They were removed to make room for a genuinely good person that is far better, far superior in every way to the person that you lost. Only you can prevent this from happening, by insisting on the narc and the narc alone, or by accepting another low quality relationship in an effort to rush the healing process. Patience is key. Thank you for watching, comments are always welcomed.