Time and the Narcissist The passage of time and space makes your tentative label of narcissist on your partner more and more accurate. At any time the narcissist could have proven you wrong. They could have shown up in your life and been truly sorry and given a heartfelt apology. They could have just been upset about a disagreement that you had and needed some time alone to gather their thoughts. Maybe the heat of the moment and the aftermath required time and after gathering their thoughts the narc would become rational again. All of this is understandable and would have been totally normal. Here is the problem. The narc never saw the error of their ways. The narc never came back to repair things. Instead, the narc immediately jumped into a new intimate relationship and immediately treated that new person as if they had been with that person for years and you, their true intimate partner for literally over 3 1/2 years, as a stranger. That is bizarre, just by hearing about it. No normal human being could do such a thing, no one that actually felt love, empathy, remorse or had a conscience. No one who ever took any responsibility for their part in a disagreement. No one who ever had a commitment to another human being in a relationship could do that. No one could just walk away from a relationship and literally never have a single two way conversation with someone they purported to love ever again. Never even one honest exchange with the person they discarded. This is the definition of being hardhearted if there ever was one. Each hour, day, week and month going by made the judgment on the narc firmer and firmer. At any time shortly after the discard, the narc could have repaired everything and as more time went by, the narc's lack of concern, love, and commitment for their previous partner became more and more obvious and undeniable. The narcissist looks upon time and space as their friend in this scenario, but in reality it just made the damage they had done to their partner greater and greater, and the narc will eventually have to pay for all of the damage he has done. So the longer the time, the greater the damage, the greater the amount that needs to be paid. Going back further , the narcissist had time and was given many chances in the past, not just a second chance. But they squandered the opportunity, because they didn't take that time to analyze what went wrong, accept responsibility, and do better next time. They injured many people over the course of their lives. They got away Scot free over and over again, so you imagine that would have given them some pause, thinking that eventually their luck would run out. Not so for the narc. Each slimy escape from the mess and discord they caused emboldened the narc further and made them even more sophisticated in their ability to deceive and mask or cover up their nefarious, evil activities of cheating and lying to their partners. Pretending to care, pretending to love, pretending to have remorse and empathy and commitment, pretending, pretending, pretending. Pretending to pretend. Pretending not to pretend. Confusing their victims and unknowingly also eventually confusing themselves without knowing it. Like a gambler, or an addict, the narc can't help themselves. Each win makes them gamble more and eventually they lose big time and end up sucked up in their own deception as everything blows up and the narc as well as the victim are severely wounded. That wasn't supposed to happen. Everything was in place for a controlled demolition. The narc would set the charges and watch at a distance as he hit the button and the victim's world carefully tumbled down all around them. It was all the victim's fault, the narc was far away. The narc wasn't the one who set the explosives, and for that matter who says there were explosives. Maybe the victim's world just tumbled down because of shoddy workmanship. Unfortunately this time the explosives went off prematurely, before the narc made a full escape. No problem, just blame everything on the victim and make the victim feel guilty and totally responsible for all that occurred. Then walk away, institute no contact, and prevent the victim from rectifying anything the narc told him he had done wrong. Are you getting the metaphor? So the passage of time makes the narcissist more and more confident in their ability to pull things off, but here is the sad part, at least for my narc. They become overconfident and are so totally deluded that their deceptive behavior, which they are so confident in as being undetectable, ends up being obvious. The narc is now actually unwittingly deceiving themselves and lying to themselves in the plane sight of the public. Their bizarre behavior is clearly abnormal. Their inability to think cohesive thoughts is obvious as they construct infantile ways of trying to deceive their former partner on social media. How sad. The passage of time also makes the narc at least begin to worry about eventually having to pay for all that he has done. Pay for it in this world, that is. After all, the narc does know right from wrong and he is aware of the fact that although he got away with all that he did, he still was really the one who should have suffered, because he knows that he did wrong. So over time at least presumably, the narc will start worrying about being abandoned the way he has done to others so many times in the past. The narc will eventually be able to trust people even less because he is fully aware of how treacherous a human being can be. He knows this from his own personal conduct towards others. Then we get to the ultimate effects of time. We all get older. The narc will age and eventually not be quite as attractive to the opposite sex and over time, there is also a possibility of losing mental capacity. This is presumably a great concern for the narc who uses both their physical appearance and mind as tools of deception. Finally there is the subject of what happens after we die. My narc told me on numerous occasions that they were not heaven bound, “I'm not going to a good place” as they used to say and I was never able to tie them down as to why they were saying this. I truly assumed the narc didn't mean it, but now I am thinking the narc may well be right. The narc may already be aware that she is beyond redemption, and sadly after all I have experienced her do I am thinking she might be correct. So if the narc's ultimate punishment is either complete annihilation or eternal anguish and pain and distress in Hell and the narc is aware of this possibility then there is no question that time is not the narcissist's friend. Let's hope the narc is one of those that does still have a chance. Thank you for watching, your comments are welcomed.