The Narcissist's “Bag of Tricks”: Let's Have a Brief Look Inside: The creed of the magician is to keep their routines a closely guarded secret and only an “inner circle” will get a glimpse of what lies behind the magic they perform. The Narcissist would make a great magician, since their greatest interest is in deception, however there is a problem. To be a successful magician requires someone to be focused, committed and devoted to developing your skills and the average narcissist doesn't have that degree of dedication to anything. The narcissist's brand of magic frequently doesn't go beyond dime store trick kits, and that is adequate, since most people don't expect normal adults to engage in trickery and deception in everyday life. The narc's disguise is simply the fact that they appear to be an adult and have the appearance of acting like one. Now on to the narc's “bag of tricks”. You were never aware of this bag of tricks, since it is the narc's most prized and carefully guarded secret. No, not even their most intimate partner will ever be told of the presence of this bag or even be aware of it's existence. This bag contains all of the tricks the narc has honed and developed over their lifetime and it is their emergency kit, it contains their owner's manual, their bible, a clear cut exit plan in case of emergency, and all of the weapons to defend themselves, their various knives, guns, you name it (these are figurative or possibly literally present and available). Inside that bag is a cache of souvenirs or “trophies” of past conquests that always reminds the narc of the power he had over others right before discarding them. The clear reminders of his “superiority”. The specifics and details are different for every narc, but let's look at some of the common items normal people (in this case, I myself) have discovered inside the bag of narcissists. Those items the world now knows about, due to sharing. To their credit, some self-aware narcissists have actually opened up their bags and revealed much of what was inside to the outside world. So here is a brief description and list. This is not intended to be a comprehensive “lexicon of narcissist methods and materials”, but one should be written and distributed and should be constantly revised, when there are new discoveries of what lies inside these evil narc's minds. In the interests of brevity, I will describe a handful of the many traits I have personally discovered in that bag. I could go on for an hour boring you with the details. A whole book could be written on the contents of this bag. I will define the following terms using my personal encounters on the front line of narc abuse. Lengthy and detailed definitions and descriptions of the following “tools of the narc's trade” can be found on the internet and other sources so, again, I will provide only brief descriptions using my experience as a guide. 1. Gaslighting: You and the narc experience an event in real time, then one day later, or some other time in the future, when you comment on the occurrence, the narc insists the event either never occurred, or that it occurred totally differently than the way you recollect. Not just minor differences, a TOTAL rewrite of the event. The narc is adamant about their version of the occurrence and is not open to discussing the possibility that your version has any validity. Result: you, the victim, begin to question your own sanity. If you have any reasoning skills, you soon realize that these disagreements about what occurred in the past only occur with the narcissist, not with other people you interact with. If you spend enough time with the narc, even when you present them with solid evidence that an ongoing dispute occurred the way you recollect it, the narc refuses to believe and holds on to his version. 2. Re-framing: The narc will take a statement that you made, then recite almost verbatim what you said, the key word here is ALMOST, and make your words have a totally different intent and meaning. Example: You love the narc and one day want to marry them. The narc knows of your intentions, but makes it clear to you they aren't interested in marriage at the moment. They just want to live together. You tell your friend “I have every intention of marrying that woman”, meaning that you know she doesn't want marriage, but you will do whatever it takes to prove to her you are worthy of her hand in marriage. The narc is then told this by your friend and the narc turns the statement into: you said “we intend to get married”, making you, the victim appear to be crazy and living in an unrealistic fantasy world. A whole page of more examples could be given. 3. Deflection: You confront the narc on an issue that needs to be addressed in the relationship and then they change the discussion into an argument unrelated to the conversation you intended to have. This is done so seamlessly that years of these events can go on without you even realizing it and never noticing why no issues can ever be resolved despite your best efforts. 4. Speaking as an authority on a subject they have no comprehensive knowledge of. I had the unique opportunity to be working with my narc partner and one day she literally began talking to me about a subject I had training in. The conversation she had with me sounded like it was authoritative, but was literally pure, illogical nonsense with no coherence. The narc was literally trying to tell me that what I was doing was wrong and correcting me with this incoherent diatribe. I told her in the politest and gentlest and most diplomatic way possible that she didn't know what she was talking about. World War 3 would be easier for me to hear about than reliving the aftermath of that reaction. I learned NEVER to question the narc or correct them again. 5. Lying: This is the narc's most prized possession, they take much pride in their ability to lie and deceive others. While the rest of society has spent their whole lives avoiding dishonesty, and eliminating lying in their lives as much as possible, the narc has gone the other direction and taken the opportunity to hone their lying skill to a high art. The partner who is our victim, will certainly notice some evidence of half truths and “white lies” that are obvious and may even be “cute”, but the victim will never even be able to conceive of the level and number of lies in the relationship as well as in the narc's life in general. The narc is so dedicated to lying that the narc has devoted his life to lying. Perversely, this is probably the only thing the narc has ever made a 100 percent commitment to and the narc would never put in jeopardy his most prized relationship with his true life partner,- the lie. The narc has remained very faithful to his or her partner the lie, and the lie has always been reliable to the narc, all other relationships are expendable, but never the relationship with the lie. Only after a breakup and analyzing the situation and examining the facts of what really went on in the relationship does the victim even just begin to comprehend the total scope of the lying that took place. However, the sad reality is that what the victim can discover is only the tip of the iceberg of the narc's life of lies. 6. Unjustly accusing the victim of the very thing they, the narc is doing. This is almost a pre-emptive strike or smokescreen, if you will. The narc uses a secret recipe of gaslighting, deflection, dramatic acting, false injury, etc., to achieve this trick and they can be quite adept at it. A solid example in my life is disloyalty. There was ample evidence of the narc not being loyal to me with a number of different people having excessive importance to the narc and in multiple cases their needs were more important than mine. The narc then accused me of being disloyal in multiple different instances, all of which were unfounded. Here is one example: because I wouldn't betray a friend who had been loyal and faithful to me for over 14 years, I was called disloyal. The actual disloyalty of the narc in our relationship was far greater than I ever could have imagined and was incredibly shocking to me when I found out. This whole thing began with the narc flirting with someone 5 feet away from me right at the time she was preparing her intricately planned discard. This was the ultimate in disloyalty. The true scope of her disloyalty was discovered only after the relationship ended and I began scrutinizing every aspect of the relationship, trying to understand what went wrong. 7. Taking anything that is important to you, for example, a cause you are working on for public awareness, and reading all sorts of intentions that do not exist into what you are doing and then putting a permanent label on you. Here are some examples. My opinion paper on “the new con game” (you can see at blogspot) was continually referred to as a “Manifesto” as if I were Ted Kazynski, the unibomber, and intended to do harm. That was my current thinking, and I am not even sure if I believe all of that any more. It was simply a distillation of what I had currently been studying. If I were to publish that paper now, I would need to do more research and always be willing to change my opinion. The narc didn't see it, but now I understand that this treatment is the modus operondi for a narc in the devaluation phase. Because I believe in Christianity, I was immediately labeled a “homophobe” and the narc actually started trying to tell me that I was discriminating against those people in my life, ABSOLUTELY not the case. I have never been anything but kind and compassionate to these people, any displeasure with them came from personal encounters, unrelated to their lifestyle. Trying to have a discussion and explain what I was doing fell on deaf ears, the narc placed the undeserved labels on me and didn't want to be confused by an explanation. I will leave it at that. Only now do I realize that I was being prepared for the slaughter, otherwise known as the sudden discard performed to be as painful as possible for the narc abuse victim. Bottom line, the narc was going to turn me into an undesirable person and beginning to build a case that they could refer to as to why the relationship ended. All of my videos on narcissism have come from a combination of learning from others and interpreting my personal experiences in the light of the new knowledge I have gained. I sometimes wonder if it is useful to personalize the descriptions, because this struggle is NOT about an individual, it is about giving insight that can be applied by others to help their situation. I have gained from both personal accounts and general knowledge and I hope this video has been of help. No one could come up with the bizarre, warped scenarios that occur when in a relationship with a narcissist. No one person will ever fully crack the narc code or credo, since each narc, although reading from the same script is an individual. Each of us has our own bizarre tale to tell. A nightmare that was lived in real time and in real life. Looking back on it I get shivers down my spine. I actually loved and was intimately involved with an inhuman beast that was sucking the life force out of me and even when I was aware of the situation, I only wanted to return for more victimization. Thank you as always for watching. Your comments are welcomed.

The Holy Grail of Healing from Narcissist Abuse: No Contact The one common thread of advice running through all of the narc abuse victim healing and awareness sites is to go No Contact. The sad thing is that even if the head can understand the logic of this advice, the heart is not ready to hear it. That is for the person who has been discarded and was 100 percent in, and committed to the narc at the time of discard. The other problem is the one where the victim can't seem to get the narc out of their lives. I can't speak for those people, only the ones who have been abandoned at the worst and most vulnerable times. So the narc being who they are, will damage their victim in any way necessary to get him or her out of their lives, since they have found new and fresh, and therefore more exciting supply, and the narc just wants the freedom to enjoy themselves without interruption. Even better, sometimes the victim can be used in triangulation and then the narc and their new found partner can share a common goal of destroying the evil victim, otherwise known as the innocent party that has been demonized. So, in the most warped and twisted way, the suffering, abuse and pain inflicted upon the victim actually helps the narc and their new partner bond. A match made in hell if their ever was one. So, the narc as usual, gets everything their way and is left alone. The victim is left to themselves alone and with no support. What then happens in these circumstances? Is all of this advice about no contact the ultimate medicine for recovery? The answer is YES, but let's be clear to those of you not wanting to hear that answer and holding out hope for reconciliation, I hear you. You need time, you don't need to be told the obvious, that the narc is no good and more importantly no good for you. You are a normal human being after all. It is totally normal to be devastated after losing the love of your life . It is totally normal not to be able to let go and to continue holding on. It is normal to feel that person in every cell of your heart and every particle of your soul. You have suffered no different a loss than someone who loses their partner due to a sudden death. The only difference is that your partner is alive and potentially reachable by you and that adds to the grief of the sudden loss immeasurably. For you to want closure, for you to want even an ounce of compassion for your feelings and acknowledgment of your pain by the narc is normal. To the outside world, it may not appear that way, especially with the smear campaign that every narc, almost without exception will unleash against you. The narc will be the wronged party that deserves to be left alone and you the crazed stalker. Of course, there will be very little evidence that you were stalking in the classic sense. What happens next? Well, after one month of total no contact my answer is nothing for a good three weeks and then one day you look in the mirror and meet someone you forgot existed. Someone with life and joy and hope in their eyes and suddenly you realize you are back. The last time you saw this person was before you ever met the narc and that could be many years ago. Yes, there was a time of incredible joy right after you met the narc in the love bombing, flattery, mirroring phase. For me, that lasted 1 ½ years, but then there was a slow, but steady and imperceptible decline in your spirits and you slowly lost yourself as the devaluation phase kicked in. Then the discard and the floor dropped out of your world, but there was still something of you left. Over the course of the next month or two post discard, the decline in the victim became even more severe and at the point of rock bottom for the victim the narc and the weasel partner complicit flying monkey figuratively kicked the last ounces of life and humanity right out of the victim. The sick thing is they enjoyed it and actually gloated about it. If this isn't the definition of evil incarnate, please let me know the error of my thinking. Their greatest celebration would be to accomplish your demise. After all, you are the evil one. So, what happens after the no contact? I can only say for myself there was an immense struggle with no hope in sight and things only began working out about one week into the no contact phase. Much of the struggle has been documented in previous videos, but for me, two major things were key to my recovery: one, giving my anger and resentment to God and two, the good fortune of having high quality, positive people come into my life to replace the narc and the others that had left me. I attribute everything to God and the supernatural protection He is surrounding me with. As an example, just recently, the narc unleashed a vicious, slanderous attack upon me which was miraculously brought to my attention and I was immediately able to fight the false allegations. Please note: because this attack was anonymous, I will hold out the possibility that someone else made the attack, but I am nearly 100 percent sure it was her and I will not give away why and how I know or she will just use the information against me. The point to make is that you and God, with God given full authority to act on your behalf, because you decided to leave vengeance in God's hands, will always be far more effective and powerful than anything the narc and their multitudes of flying monkeys can do to you. Just remember, keep your head down, don't boast about your good fortune or any small victory you have in protecting yourself against the narc. Give all of the glory to God, knowing that it could be taken away at any time. Use the good fortune and your awareness of God's presence in your life to confirm that the best way to deal with the narc is to let God handle the narc. Chuck Smith used to say you can let God handle the situation and get a perfect outcome or handle the situation yourself and get inferior results. Your faithfulness to God will eventually pay off and the results will be far beyond what you could have accomplished on your own by taking the law into your own hands. So, five weeks in, and things are looking hopeful, and I proceed forth with cautious optimism, knowing that the narc is not done with me, since they seem to be deteriorating day by day. Her attack against me made me very sad for her and believe it or not I still just want to give her a hug and tell her everything could be OK if she only just woke up and realized I was, and probably still am the only friend she ever had. A person who was committed to her growth and ultimate happiness and joy as a human being. But I am OK with never seeing that person again. My sadness is for her, for the person she could have been, for the relationship we could have had. I sincerely believe that her time with me was her finest hour and the bitterness of never being able to get back to that level of respect and value could destroy her. She has already lost a lot of the respect that she fought so hard for over the last 20 years and judging by the last attack, she is deteriorating. How can that not make you sad, if you truly love and care about someone. So again, even at this point, with her wanting to destroy me in any way possible, all I want to do is hold her in my arms and work with her as a team to heal her and recover all that has been lost. The tragedy is that it is unlikely that she will ever be able to overcome her misplaced and unfounded resentment and because of that there will be no hope for her. So, is no contact the best medicine and ultimate cure for Narcissistic abuse? Yes, no doubt about it, but only when you are ready to take the medicine. Thank you as always for watching, comments are welcomed.

The Achilles Heel of the Narcissist: Inability to Feel or Understand Love The narcissist sees the world in black and white. Someone or something is either good or bad. A statement made to them is either good or bad. There are no shades of gray or colors in the narc's dark world. You can liken that to the fading of colors outside as the sun sets and you edge towards dusk. Love is complex, true love that is, and the narc can't comprehend it for two main reasons: one, he doesn't have the ability to feel the emotion and two, he can't understand love, because love is very complex in the sense that love has many shades and colors to it and is constantly changing and evolving. Love is the ultimate in variability as far as emotions go. To call love a “dim switch” of emotions, in that it has infinitely variable settings still doesn't account for its various infinite colors. This is mind blowing to a narc. Harsh words to a narc can only be bad and evil, but harsh words spoken to someone that you love that is harming themselves can be the essence of love and kind enabling of that same activity, although “positive”, is the essence of a partner who isn't engaged and concerned in the relationship. Of course, a partner can get worn down and forced into accepting the bad behavior of their partner, but that is not due to lack of love. Because love is complicated, the average person shouldn't present themselves an authority on the subject, so I will proceed with caution in the following discussion. The narc doesn't feel or appreciate love, but he readily sees it's power and the effect it has on people, so the narc has a great clinical, emotionally detached, knowledge about love and is adept at mimicking it's appearance and using it to his advantage. The narc sees his ability to not be susceptible to the effects of love and the vulnerability it produces as a strength. The narc considers this immunity from the effects of love and the ability to use it to manipulate the people he judges as weaker and more vulnerable around him as one of the reasons for his superiority to those people. How can you reason with someone that has this mentality? How can you prove to them that without love and the strength to make yourself vulnerable that life is not worth living? To put it another way, how can you tell the narc that one of the biggest reasons for their dissatisfaction with life is that they have no appreciation for the power of love and the power of making yourself vulnerable, and that vulnerability requires courage and strength? The narc is unaware of all of this and believes it to be pure nonsense, hence no true love, no true joy, no growth, no satisfaction with any relationship or situation. So what is the point of this discussion? The narc has had true love in his life, maybe even many times, since he moves from one relationship to another, but has never even comprehended or taken advantage of that love for personal growth. Instead, these relationships were simply a source of temporary energy and excitement, that needed to be discarded when no longer useful. How many of these discarded people had true insight into the narc and truly wanted to help? How many of these people could have provided the narc with the keys to true happiness and joy if he would have ever understood that the perceived harshness of these people was actually love? But again, since anything not complimentary is simply seen as negative and therefore useless to the narc, all of these opportunities were wasted on him. The Achilles heel in these situations is the narc's inability to understand “tough love” and the inability to realize all of the complexities of love. Love is not all about feelings of intense elation. Love is not only about positivity and good times but of course, since the narc is a detached, non committed observer he will cherry pick only the aspects of love that he sees as good and will discard those aspects he views as bad. This is a clear indicator that the narc hasn't any comprehension at all of what love is. Even the average 14 year old could teach the narc something about love. Love, in essence seeks the highest good and ultimate joy for the person that is loved and will gently, but continually be used by the partner to try to make that joy and happiness and contentment a reality for their partner. This requires the ability to present insights honestly to the partner. The narc can't understand this and when he tries to recreate what he considers the negative criticism that was really presented to him to try to help him, his criticisms are a cheap fake of the real thing. What is the difference between the “insight” a narc has about his partner and the real thing? The narcs insights are always designed to injure and not enlighten and are always a warping or distortion of the truth. There is NO value in the criticism from the narc, because the intentions are to destroy the other person, not build them up. In short the narc's criticism is devoid of love. But the narc will never be able to understand the difference between criticism given with love that is intended to build up and help and heal and his brand of criticism. To him both are the same a clear indicator that he will never benefit from a partner who truly loves him or her. A partner who refuses to be a “yes man” and refuses to blow continual sunshine their way. Thank you for watching, comments are welcomed.

The Difference Between Benign and Pathological Narcissism So, you have just been burned in a relationship, your partner suddenly broke up with you and the bizarre, lack of remorse and compassion stuns you. In addition she starts fluidly and smoothly flirting with a man right in front of you and is acting like a person you never knew, like a totally different person- as if a mask has just fallen off. Then the clincher, she and the man she flirted with gaze into each others eyes while making hand contact, all with you looking on from 5 feet away. The flirting is smooth and practiced, like someone who is used to doing it. Your ex, the person you thought you knew, would have never been capable of this. In addition that “look” she just shared with the other man was how your relationship with her began and she told you this had never happened to her before she met you. So in the course of no more that 5 minutes, you knew you had been had. When you confront your girlfriend about the flirting she tells you it never happened, she totally denies it. You put in some of the parameters of the bizarre behavior as well as the lying that you now have proven she was doing into a web search and you come up with a tentative diagnosis of Covert Narcissism, a condition you never knew existed. Sure enough, the more you learn about covert narcissism, the more you understand that this fully describes your partner, She fits 7 of the 9 parameters of Narcissism as defined by the DSM-4 and you strongly suspect she also fits the other 2 parameters, but only to a certain degree. Many months later it's clear she fits all 9 parameters and she is definitely a Narcissist. After just having labeled your partner a narcissist, is that all a person should do? Absolutely not. A normal person should look at themselves and entertain the possibility that they are the narc and not their partner. So let's focus on that possibility. All people are narcissistic to one extent or another. We all like to look out for ourselves and love ourselves more than the next person as the Bible points out (see Matthew 22:39). We all think more highly of ourselves that we should, we all sometimes misrepresent ourselves and put ourselves in a more favorable light. We all sometimes put someone down to make ourselves look better in comparison. We are all sometimes blind to or indifferent to another person's suffering and problems, especially when we are in the middle of our own suffering and problems. We all occasionally lie and are envious of another person's good fortune. So, aren't we all narcissists? The difference is in the degree to which we have these traits and the fact that we do not indulge in these negative attitudes to the point of hurting someone. A normal person can be aware of these self-centered tendencies and see them as the negative things that they are and constantly work on becoming more selfless. Eliminating these negatives and making other people more important than ourselves is an ongoing journey for most people who constantly strive to become better, kinder, nicer. Moreover, a normal person recognizes these traits as negative. No one thinks of lying as a virtue. Normal people also have empathy for another human being, admit to having done something wrong, and are remorseful when they hurt someone. So, even though we are all narcissists, the people we are discussing are pathological narcissists. They know right from wrong, but see no problems with doing wrong. They feel no guilt about having their narcissistic traits and are actually proud of some of these negative characteristics. My narc was particularly proud of her ability to lie and convince others of her truthfulness. These narcissists purposely lie to manipulate, deceive, and hurt people and never feel any remorse about the pain they cause. On the contrary, the narc actually gets pleasure out of the torment and pain they cause. All of these things are clearly not normal and the reason people who have been exposed to a narc need to understand and sort this bizarre behavior out and warn others about it. This type of narcissism is clearly a mental disorder, because it is a dysfunctional way of thinking that harms both the person afflicted and all of those that are in contact with that person, the narc. So are you a narcissist? Maybe, but if you can feel love, empathy, compassion, and you admit to your faults and see lying as wrong and something you are not proud of, you are probably not a narc. If you don't enjoy hurting people and feel remorseful if you do, you are not a narc. If you are aware of your own shortcomings and are truly trying to change for the better, you are not a narc. All of these traits are on a spectrum, so there can always be a fine line between a pathological and a benign narcissist. The difference is always the attitude towards the narcissistic tendencies. Those who consider their own narcissistic tendencies wrong and undesirable, spend their lives trying to eliminate these traits. Those who see nothing wrong with narcissism can spend a whole lifetime refining these negative traits. That is the BIG and very important difference. It can send a cold shiver up your spine knowing that people like this exist and can put you into a cold sweat when you realize you were intimately involved with a creature like this. Thank you for watching, your comments are always welcomed.

Is The Narcissist to Blame For EVERYTHING That Went Wrong In The Relationship? Sadly, the Answer is Often YES. Why? RELATIONSHIP FRAUD: When normal, rational, reasonable people have disagreements with another person, they look at the situation and try to figure out what went wrong. They ask themselves how could they have responded better to the situation, how did what they said or did to the other person contribute to the dispute. A person who honestly looks at things may see the other person's point of view in the dispute and come to the conclusion the other person was actually right and they were wrong. Under those circumstances, a reasonable person would go to the other party and apologize. This would be a GENUINE apology. The humbling experience and pain of realizing “you could have done better” allows a person to learn and grow from their mistakes as life goes on. The narcissist is never capable of that type of introspection and self blame, one of the key reasons they remain emotionally immature throughout life. This sets up an ironic situation. The narc will devastate a partner in a relationship and when the narc is finished with that person they invariably walk away, but only in a way that the other person is totally to blame for the collapse of the relationship. The narc is totally convinced they are blameless. For example, if they commit adultery, it is because their partner ignored their needs and they were forced into adultery out of neglect and intense loneliness. Name anything a narc does and they will immediately have a reasonable justification. Most, if not all of those justifications are half truths, outright lies or false interpretations of actual events. The narc has simply run out of opportunities to milk energy out of a person, has become bored , etc. and then they immediately begin formulating and constructing an exit strategy all the while professing love and doubling down on their false devotion to the unsuspecting partner they are about to discard. This discard will only occur after the narc has found new supply, and the plans are already well made, so that when the lever is pulled it will be all the victim's fault, and the unsuspecting victim will be left with the additional pain and scars of beating themselves into the ground for not having been good enough, and that is why the narc left. So where is the irony? No reasonable human being would ever place the blame for a failed relationship solely on the other person's shoulders, but in the case of a relationship with a narc it truly is only one person's fault. It is the narc's fault. Why? The narc has engaged in RELATIONSHIP FRAUD. What does this mean? The narc never presented an honest genuine person to their partner, the narc was never in love or committed to their partner. The narc pretended to be someone they weren't and the narc pretended to feel emotions they didn't have. The narc totally misrepresented themselves. The narc NEVER gave accurate feedback to a partner who was genuinely in love with them and genuinely committed to the narc, so that even if the narc's partner wasn't meeting the narc's needs the blame still lies with the narc, since he never gave proper feedback. The narc totally lied about all of the plans he had for a future with their partner, because they never meant any of the things they said. So the irony is that the one person who is unreasonable enough to make the outrageous and unreasonable claim that they are blameless and the other person is 100 percent at fault, is the person who is actually 100 percent to blame for everything: the narcissist and the narcissist alone. The enormity and scope of the damage that the narc has done to you is real. The longer and more intimate the contact, the deeper the damage. Most of the outside world will not understand. The majority of that damage is buried deep inside of you, in your subconscious. You are aware of only some of that damage. Quarantine the damage you are aware of from your thoughts and emotions and then gradually work on that damage one small piece at a time so that you aren't overwhelmed. Burying the damage you are aware of inside of you and denying it will destroy you, dealing with too much of the damage at one time will demoralize you. There is the possibility of this effecting you for a decade or the rest of your life, and that would be a tragedy. It's one thing to grieve over a partner that truly loved you and was worthy of your love, but let's be real about the narcissist, they are not worth that amount of effort. You need to get over the resentment and see yourself as a victim, but only allow yourself to be a victim once. You didn't deserve what the narc did to you. You weren't to blame. The narc will suffer and pay for all they have done, but not by your hand, leave it in God's hands. Call it Karma, if you like. When dark thoughts overwhelm you, say vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord (Romans 12:19, Deuteronomy 32:35, Psalm 94 1) as many times as necessary and pray to God to allow you to let it go and have peace in your life. Do anything necessary to fight those thoughts and they will go away and be of shorter duration when they come back again over time. You deserve to be happy and live in the sunlight. You deserve to be with someone who truly appreciates you for who you are, but until you work on the damage and sort yourself out you will have a hard time thinking clearly and making rational decisions. So be patient with yourself and use this time alone wisely. Build yourself up, think about your priorities in life. What is it that is really important to you? What type of life do you want to lead in the future? So are you starting to see? Who is really the fortunate one? The narc never skipped a beat and is in yet another fake, fraudulent relationship. No introspection, no trying to find out what went wrong in the previous relationship with you, the victim. No trying to understand what he could have done differently. Do you get it? Think about it. Do you really think the narc will be happy if he hasn't changed and refuses to accept blame? Do you really think things will be better with the new partner? How is that at all possible with the narc, who believes they can do no wrong? Do you really think that someone who walked away and never honored the commitment they made to you, the victim, will all of the sudden change and be truly committed to another person? The proof is how they treated you and totally denied any blame at all, and you now know that it was literally almost all their fault. That is the insight that changes everything if you can truly comprehend it. Peace be with you. May the love, joy, and peace of the Lord Jesus Christ surround you and fill you with hope. Focus on Jesus and all of the pain goes away. He knows all that you have been through, every last ounce of pain and suffering and has saved every one of your tears in a bottle (Psalm 56 8) and He will wipe away those tears. Why go it alone, when Jesus is there to help. Thank You for watching this video, comments are welcomed.

The Narcissist is a Counterfeit Human Being: The main problem for the narcissist is that he has never paid respect to or given his true personality and persona a chance to develop. Let's give a brief overview of the two most common causes for narcissism. The narc's parents either forced the narc to put on an act or show certain unnatural personality traits for the parents to give the narc positive feedback. So this is the common theme for either the neglected narc child or the overindulged narc child, both of the two never had their true personalities acknowledged. The neglected narc's true personality was not acknowledged, so he had to be false to get through his childhood. The overindulged narc's childhood was one of unmerited praise and acknowledgment, not positive and accurate feedback for the actual person this child was, again causing a disconnect between the actual person and the person the outside world saw. Both narcs intuitively or subconsciously understood this. So the pattern of presenting a false persona to the world became a habit, or an addiction if you want to call it that, since and addiction is a habit that is self destructive. If anything could be said about narcissism you would have to call it destructive and the longer it goes on in a person's life unacknowledged the more destruction it causes to the narc as well as to the outside world. The Narcissist then, because he is unable to interact with the world with a genuine persona , is forced to trade with the world in a counterfeit persona. As an example, the value of a 100 Dollar bill is only in the fact that everyone agrees to assign a value of 100 Dollars to an otherwise relatively worthless peace of paper. All parties involved TRUST the value of that peace of paper and it can therefore serve as an exchange for something that you buy that is WORTH 100 dollars. That 100 dollars represents a unit of work that another person needs to do in order to earn that 100 Dollars. The whole system is based on trust and that is how society functions. A counterfeiter uses their shrewdness and finds a shortcut. Why do the unit of work to get 100 Dollars, when it is much easier to FAKE the 100 Dollars. Take the easy way out. If the vast majority of people decided to counterfeit the currency, all of society would break down, since nothing could be trusted. The shrewd counterfeiter might consider themselves quite clever to be able to deceive the fools who take their currency to have value on blind trust, but isn't that counterfeiter only deceiving themselves as to how clever they are? It takes intelligence to create, the shrewd person merely takes advantage of things and finds shortcuts. That is neither a useful or productive way of utilizing the mind. Sure, many have gotten rich “gaming the system”, some major companies have been formed that way, but almost always the shrewd person's gain comes at the expense of those who are honest players. The narc operates in a similar fashion. He simply goes “off the grid' of normal human interactions. Most people will trust someone to a certain extent and could never expect another human being to be totally devoted to lies and duplicity, so this is where the narc has free reign in deceiving others. Sadly, the narc is actually proud of deceiving others and considers himself quite clever and thinks those he deceives deserving of all he does because of their stupidity. Lets take the analogy a bit further. You can use that counterfeit 100 Dollar bill to do a lot of good. You can feed the homeless, you can help someone pay their bills, but here is the problem: all of those good and positive things are being done with stolen and fake currency and the so called benefactor, who seems to be so generous and kind and empathetic is simply putting on a show of spending the fruits of his hard labor on those who are less fortunate. In actuality the person giving away the counterfeit currency is doing three things: One: they are making themselves feel good and two: if others can watch his generosity, also getting the accolades of those who observe and three: they are making a pretense of giving away an item of value that has cost them something, when in actuality, it cost them nothing. How does this relate to the narcissist? The narcissist is big on making a show of his generosity and devotion to causes, but won't give a penny of charity to those who need it from him, because that penny of charity would actually cost him something. So yes, the narc will want to associate with global initiatives, feeding the hungry, animal rights, etc. and if they can hobnob with prominent people all the better. The narc will champion and publicly be concerned about suicide prevention, while at the very same time purposely bring their former partner to the verge of suicide. The narc will publicly work themselves to the bone for a poor needy animal who is suffering, but let their partner starve to death or die of thirst emotionally, when the slightest gesture of compassion could ease incredible suffering. The narc will give nothing that actually costs him something and gets him nothing in return, Not even one penny, NOTHING. Those he has no use for, people he only two weeks previous professed undying love for can rot to death as far as he is concerned. So the narc's good works are just as counterfeit as that 100 Dollar bill. There is no real value in that counterfeit 100 Dollar bill and no real value in the outward good works of the narc, since there are no genuine motivations behind those good works. Yes, counterfeit people (and counterfeit religions as well) can do a lot of good, but this is still based upon a false premise, and a stolen merit or value. Thank you as always for watching. Comments are welcomed.

Freedom After Narcissistic Abuse: Where Do You Go From Here? Five Key Points So you are free of the narc, or so you think. Recurring nightmares with the narc causing you distress are still there, but you only realize that when you wake up in the middle of the night with the nightmare fresh on your mind. The dream shows you the extent of the psychological damage the narc did in your life. It gives you insight into your subconscious. Goodness knows how many of these dreams go on that you aren't aware of. The subconscious is far from having fully processed the trauma you think is no longer an issue. The dream sets up a scenario where you are totally dependent upon the narc, trust them implicitly to follow through in an acute time of need, and then they walk away, with you left totally vulnerable and unable to handle the situation alone. At least that was my scenario. The repair process is still at work in your mind, maybe it's a blessing you aren't consciously aware of most of it. But what is it that you can do to help the process? Here are some of the things I have found helped me and I hope this benefits others. First and foremost, take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Be as good to yourself as you can be. Getting adequate and extra sleep is critical for the mind to repair itself as the above dream illustration just highlighted. If you are tired, your ability to handle past stress that still has its grip on you and immediate stress that requires immediate attention goes down dramatically. If you are constantly tired your judgment on your future also gets clouded. You need rest and peace in your life. Why not give the subconscious the time it needs by getting adequate and extra sleep? Second: You need to eat right and not overindulge in junk food. Use these foods sparingly to give yourself a break, but see them for what they are: no different than a cigarette. Sugar and other processed foods can be addictive and overeating in general isn't conducive to clear thinking. Not eating or not getting yourself on a routine meal schedule can also wreak havoc on the psyche. Right now you need to have as clear a thinking process as possible. You need to restore as much physical and mental and emotional stability in your life as possible. You have wounds, they aren't visible to the outside world and they aren't even visible to you, only your subconscious is fully aware of the damage and is working on your repair. So why not help out your subconscious and supply it with proper fuel, in the form of food. The best fuel you can get, the highest quality fuel. This isn't necessarily more expensive than the less healthy alternatives. Nutrition is not the focus of this video, so we will move on (hint: think fruits, vegetables and adequate amounts of meat, not prepackaged foods). Third: Limit your exposure to addictive social media and other forms of web and smart phone activities. These activities are just as harmful as drugs and alcohol in the sense that they create an instability and unnatural dependence on unwholesome things in your life. The added danger of these social sites is that they can be a force for good, but this then provides a cover for those abusing these sites and NOT using them for their own advantage or that of society. For example: yes, on the outside Instagram may seem like it is benign, but when you see how some have abused it, you may understand that it has actually ruined good people and good relationships and totally destroyed people's lives. Fourth: in addition to limiting phone and web use, don't add extra stress to your life. You are in no shape to make rational decisions about your present or future. This is a time to hold onto all of the good things that are still present in your life. You have already been forced to make major changes by the necessity of filling in the hole the narc blew into your life. Fifth: use whatever free time you have to be productive. Do things that your heart is telling you to do, POSITIVE things. These videos are my way of doing that and I sincerely hope they are of benefit. Focus your pain and suffering into whatever productive activity your heart is telling you to engage in. For the Christian believer, this means focusing on the Holy Spirit which dwells inside of every believer and being attentive to what the Spirit is telling you. Jesus talks about the Holy Spirit, in John 14: 15 to 17: 15: If yee love me, keep my commandments. 16: And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; 17: Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but yee know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you. More information on the Holy Spirit: John 14: 25 and 26: 25:These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you. 26: But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things... Doing God's will is critical for further repair. God sees your needs and is working on a solution to all of your problems, only you can prevent God from helping you by getting in His way. Be still and know that I am God as stated in Psalm 46 10. Spend time with God whenever you can, whether it be in the morning or any other time that is convenient. You should remove all of the cares of the world and just LISTEN. Lets be clear, we aren't talking about an audible voice, we are just allowing the conscious mind to relax and absorb whatever calm and peace and guidance that is available in our environment. God will work through your subconscious or simply provide you with peace in the form of assurance. Being positive is critical and focusing on the word of God, the Bible, and the glorious promises it makes for the believer can do a lot to take your mind off of your present situation and give you an attitude of hope and optimism. Remember, Jesus didn't make any promises He couldn't keep. He put his actions where His mouth was. When Jesus says that death is not the end and that you can have eternal life as a believer, He proved He knew what He was talking about. He did this by raising others from the dead and He himself rose from the dead. You do realize that is the reason for celebrating Easter? You do realize this is the reason for having hope, LEGITIMATE HOPE, and the proof that Jesus is the REAL THING? The ONLY real thing, as Jesus stated in John 14 6: “I am the way the truth and the life. No man comes to the Father but through me”. That's a pretty strong assertion for someone to make. Think about that, you people who have devoted your life to a cause without scrutinizing exactly what these people you idolize are actually doing to help animals or humanity. You reject Jesus, who proved Himself, and you devote your time and energy to an easily provable fraud, simply because it is trendy, famous people back it, and it makes you feel good about yourself, because that is the type of person you want to be. Good luck with that. Those who are mystified and baffled by Christianity, have a good day, and peace be with you. The rest of this video will require a willingness to believe what Jesus said, and even His disciples were confused and needed Jesus to clarify. Let's continue on in John 14 since it really provides a lot of answers that the unbeliever has a hard time understanding . John 14 takes place before the crucifixion and the disciples were totally unaware of what was about to happen. Jesus, of course, knew the future in full detail. John 14 verses 18 to 21: 18: I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. 19: Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but yee see me: because I live, yee shall live also. 20: At that day yee shall know that I am in my Father, and yee in me, and I in you. 21: He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him. This is Jesus talking about physical death, eternal life, the Holy Spirit, and He clearly states that if you love God, He will reveal Himself to you, a true believer, and manifest in the believer's life. So to those who think it is crazy to be listening to God and hearing His voice and receiving guidance from God and seeing the presence of God in your life, here is your answer as to why YOU, the unbeliever, consider this nonsense: John 14: 22 to 23: 22: Judas saith unto him, not Iscariot, Lord, how is it that thou wilt manifest thyself unto us, and not unto the world? 23: Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him. Here Jesus is clarifying the confusion by stating things more clearly to Judas (not the Judas who betrayed Him). There is a part of God, the Holy Spirit, that will live inside of a believer, referred to as “he who keeps my words”. Here is the KEY: God will be invisible and undetectable to “the world”, otherwise known as unbelievers. Do you get it? Do you, the unbeliever understand that is why you don't see the presence of God in your life and don't believe it when others say they do see God in their lives? Remember what was just stated in the question asked above: How is it that the believer will see God manifest in their lives and the world won't see this? Unbelievers will NOT see or believe. Jesus also describes the unbeliever in John 14: 24: He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings: and the word which yee hear is not mine, but the Father's which sent me... And finally an explanation as to why the unbeliever sees this all as nonsense: 1 Corinthians 2:14 “But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.” Here is the second key point:, the unbeliever will not understand. Do you get it? The unbeliever won't one: see God, and two: won't understand the wisdom of God. Thank you as always for watching, your comments are welcomed.

Assessing your Progress on the Road to Recovery from Narc Abuse You have struggled to “get yourself back” by learning as much as possible about narcissism and you have pulled yourself out of the darkest time of your life, but the fight seems never ending and it is easy to lose heart, especially when you have bouts of PTSD and all of the sudden after so many months you are back in the doldrums. Back to being hopeless, back to being angry and resentful, back to focusing on the fact that you are alone and in pain, while the narc and her new intimate partner go on seemingly unaffected and are able to get away with their arrogant, haughty gloating. At this time, it may be necessary to take yourself off the hook, give yourself a break, and take a breather. This is the time to make a true assessment of your current situation and compare it to where you started from. You never got any straight answers from the narc, so you should at least be at a point where you have accepted the fact that you will never know the truth of what is going on with that person or what their true intentions were. That is progress. Yes, you are still angry, but the anger no longer grips you. You have told yourself and continue to tell yourself “vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord” and this has been very effective, you are able to accept the abuse you received and are able to leave it in God's hands. That is more progress. You are no longer interested in what is happening with the narc, you have granted her the wish of getting away with the damage and pain she has caused without having to take any blame or be accountable. You are out of her life totally and she is off the hook and will never have to face any scrutiny or answer any questions. She is free to pursue her new relationship without any complications, like having to explain why she was disloyal and never lived up to the commitments she made, progress. You still get really down, because you think to yourself you should be the one in a relationship and happy and she should be the one that is miserable and alone. Yes, your long-term prospects for happiness are far greater than the narc's, but that is not the case at present and you do have concerns that the narc will never have to pay for their evil behavior. Remember that is not your concern. But then comes the most important thing you need to focus on. You have been so caught up in the struggle for the last few months, you have not fully appreciated all of the blessings that have been brought into your life, so now is the perfect time to focus on all of the good things that have happened to you. So start counting your blessings. As an example for you, I will count my blessings, and hopefully this can be of benefit to you in doing the same for yourself. First of all, I am still alive and breathing, and my head is once again screwed on straight and I am thinking clearly again. No doubt I have a long way to go and it wouldn't take much for a major setback, but at least for the moment I am at peace, and I have periods of joy. Then I have to look at all of the miracles of the last few months. It is nothing short of miraculous that every person that was taken from my life, every person that I depended on has been replaced with someone new that I never knew before. People who are supportive and positive and a pleasure to work with now surround me and they have played a major role in my healing process. Without these people, I might not be standing here today. I am now healed to the point that I can actually make good, rational decisions. The narc was removed from my life in a sequence of events that could never be considered random coincidence and these wonderful people were brought to me in the same way. The presence of GOD'S hand in my life and the evidence of miracles is all over the occurrences of the past few months. God has protected me, guided me, and allowed me the opportunity to heal. Information was given to me about my narc partner that shocked me to my core. That information, in addition to the terrible, cruel, calloused behavior of the narc, the hideous and evil part of the narc's personality that was totally hidden from me, has now fully been illuminated for me, and boy, did I dodge a bullet. Nothing short of miraculous. No, I don't have a partner yet, and I am not really ready for a relationship, but there is an optimism and drive inside of me and somehow I am certain that the last thing I lost, a partner to share my life with, will be restored with someone much better. Someone more beautiful, with a true capacity for love and empathy and a true loyalty and commitment to me. A person that will put their hand in mine, smile at me, give me their heart, tell me they love me and really mean it. So I am optimistic, but VERY cautiously so. I am also acutely aware, that in this time of opportunity and change in my life, I have to make very important and sober decisions that will effect the rest of my life. I know that with the promise of the life that I always wanted comes the danger of losing everything. My goals and my drive are being motivated by a strong inner sense that I have been given of God's will and presence in my life. In other words, I can feel God's presence and will in my life and I have to follow that will very precisely for things to work. Because I have been given FAITH , I have a supernatural optimism and hope that things will work out for me. You could say that I “know” things will work out, if I keep the faith. So, when I compare where I am today with where I was a few short months ago the progress I have made is remarkable. There is still a long way to go, but at the moment, I can just rest and be thankful and truly appreciate where I am right now. It's my sincerest hope that all that watch are helped by the words of this video and that all who listen, come to find peace and joy and their path out of the dark and hopeless world that the narcissist surrounded them with. Peace be with you. May your heart be filled with the assurance that life will once again be vibrant and worth living. Thank you for watching, your comments are welcomed.

The Nature of reality, A Christian Perspective: What Can Humans Know? Metaphysics, Theosophy, and many Eastern religions make a science of religion and give the impression that everything is potentially knowable by a mere human being. So the question is: can Humans know all there is about human existence, the world, the universe or even begin to grasp the concept of God? The answer, to the honest and sober observer to all of the questions is NO. Don't tell this to the mystics and seekers who see Christianity as just a quaint, old fashioned religion that has long ago been replaced by a high tech spirituality incorporating ALL religions and is therefore ENLIGHTENED. Sort of like an iPhone compared to the first telephone. If you want answers to all of the mysteries of life and the universe and even God, they will be given to you by those willing to give you answers, but how reliable is the source of these answers? By what authority are the answers being given? Is the source a near death experience, a mystic, a psychic, a seer, an astral traveler, a prophet? Well, that is your good pleasure if you want to believe, but how far are you willing to go to check out your sources and see how reliable they really are? For most people, not far. The belief that you can have special knowledge and know the mysteries of the universe is quite attractive and it can even be addictive to some people. But are these people really more aware than the average person or more deluded? Take it from someone who spent over ten years of his life as a “seeker”, the end result of all of your studies and knowledge and checking things out is a person who thinks they know the mysteries and is well on their way to total enlightenment, but they are really deluded. This mystical person's natural mindset is that of a drunken person compared to the non-spiritual person. Christianity does just the opposite. It places no emphasis on the know-ability of the Universe and human existence or the enlightenment of the individual aside from what the Bible teaches. The wisdom is IN the word of God and can only be absorbed, processed and then REFLECTED by the believer. The result is just the opposite of the “mystic” religions, a person that becomes MORE SOBER than the average human. Yes, the unbelievers are now seen as “drunk” in their natural thought process relative to the Christian believer. They are drunk with the lies and deceit that this world offers. The lies of the importance of humanity and that man is the final arbiter of what is right and wrong. So with that in mind, let's try to answer the BIG question to the extent that the Bible governs the answer. Trying to answer this question without the Bible is bald-faced arrogance and foolishness to the Christian. So, let's try to answer the question of what reality is, or more specifically, define reality in terms that humans can reasonably know and understand. Observable reality can be put into two general categories: One: The physical, which ranges from a grain of rice in the palm of your hand to a distant galaxy: matter or material things and the environment that surrounds these things. In other words, the universe and all it contains. Two: The events that occur in the physical environment as time goes on, otherwise known as the past, present, and future. These two comprise the measurable and scientifically observable aspects of reality- you might call them the VISIBLE part of reality. There is no debate when it comes to this part of reality, but there are other aspects of reality that aren't measurable and they can be called the INVISIBLE part of reality. The invisible part of reality, is not observable or measurable and can't be verified, so FAITH is required when dealing with the invisible. People can then debate who's invisible reality is true and who's is false. Let's divide this Invisible reality into two categories also. One: The Invisible reality as described by the Bible and Two: The Invisible reality described by everyone else. Please note, this is from a Christian perspective, so I am categorizing with that in mind. Some of these invisible parts of reality may one day be uncovered when science and knowledge increase, so that something such as telepathy, out of body experiences, and seeing auras can actually be measured and detected and studied. Even if these metaphysical activities do exist and become measurable, the question can still be posed are they Godly or considered a form of witchcraft? That is not the focus of this discussion, so we will move on. The invisible part of reality for the Christian is God, the heavenly realms and the various entities that occupy this environment. The Christian's source for his belief in this invisible reality is the Bible as well as his faith and the evidence of God in his own life as a believer. The Bible makes both the invisible reality of heaven and the nature of the one and only God comprehensible to mere humans. In other words, the Bible limits the information given about this invisible reality to what a human can understand. This invisible reality might be another dimension or something simply not comprehensible or definable in human terms. To a Christian this human existence is “not where it's at”. Our human existence is no doubt 100 percent real, but the invisible heavenly realm is, if it makes any sense, “more real” than our earthly existence. That invisible world is certainly more permanent and it is eternal, compared to the physical reality we see every day. Our hope, as believers, is to be fortunate enough to share in this unimaginable glorious existence when we leave this earth. So, that is a simplified, not comprehensive, version of what reality is. Observable reality is simply time and space and matter and the events that occur as they interact. So what is the practical use of discussing reality? Reality is the foundation of TRUTH. Reality doesn't change and truth doesn't change and therefore people should value truth and be dedicated to and aware of the truth and honor it in their daily lives. Truth is the essence of and foundation for clear thinking. No one human has the truth, we all have flawed memories and we all can only see the physical environment from our individual, limited point of view. Humans are limited by there physical senses, their intelligence, their intuition, their emotional capabilities, as well as their preconceived ideas, or “dogmas” that they refuse to let go of. We are all dishonest with ourselves and others to one extent or another and of course we need to be aware that truth is immutable and our version of the truth is flawed. This attitude is the basis of all of the accomplishments and achievements of the human race. It is only when people clung to a lie and insisted upon it being real that progress was impeded, and yes sometimes the church, which should have been an ambassador of the truth , became truth's enemy (see Copernicus). In short, functional people as well as functional and healthy societies can only make progress proportional to their dedication to the truth. Lies impede progress in both people and societies. So why do people and societies cling to their lies? That is because the “father of lies” has been allowed a short reign in this fallen and broken world. We are talking about the Devil or Satan. That is the world we now live in. So let's briefly think about the so-called reality of our present day world, American society, and even the so-called reality of individuals. Is what you are told by the media real? Have you ever really examined it? Is political correctness dedicated to the truth- or a lie? Is man made global warming the threat you are told it is? The scientists agree on man made global warming don't they? Think about what questions are being asked of these scientists, how the answers to the questions are being interpreted and how the answers are being made to agree with a preconceived conclusion. Who do these scientists depend on for their livelihood and what would happen if they expressed descent? These are just some safer illustrations of the lies and deceit going on in our present world. So what harsh truths does the world not want to hear? They are too numerous to count, but here is a big one. God created this world and the people on it for His purposes. God is sovereign and in control of the world and every Human being on it. God's opinion as expressed in the Bible- NOT men's opinions of what the Bible says, but the accurate interpretation of the Bible, is TRUTH. ANY OPINION or ATTITUDE that contradicts the Bible is a lie and carries all of the baggage that lies bring with them. So here is the takeaway: You are being told that those people that hold to the Bible and Christianity are an impediment to progress. That our present day society has progressed and is “enlightened”. We are living in an age when the lie is presented as the truth and the truth as a lie. You could say that in our day mankind in general and people in specific are their own “gods”, being the ultimate arbiters of what is right and wrong. They are of the opinion man created god, sounds foolish but it really is their attitude whether they are conscious of it or not. So think about this: TRUTH is the path to progress, lies IMPEDE progress. Do you get it? Our present day “progress” is not progress at all because it's essence and foundation is a lie. The Bible foretold of this situation occurring in the last days. Are we there yet? Only God knows. The only reason God is still allowing Satan- “the father of lies” reign is because God is not yet finished with His purpose for this earth. God will end this earth when there is no more value in allowing the wickedness and sin to prosper, probably when no more people on earth are redeemable, but that is only a guess. Remember: our stay in this broken, fallen, sinful, imperfect world is temporary, and if you are a true believer in Jesus, hold on and have FAITH. An unimaginably glorious eternal existence awaits you in heaven. May you be filled with peace, love and joy and may the Lord richly bless you and bring you enlightenment. Thank you as always for watching, comments are welcome.

The Narcissist and their Fantasy World: If They Could Only Keep it to Themselves Just about all of the great achievements of humanity started out in a person's mind and imagination. These achievements can be in art or science, in inventions, in social ideas, the list goes on. To give a few examples, the United States was an idea before it came into existence, music, sculpture and paintings are all conceived in the mind first. On a personal level, we all have hopes and dreams and plans for the future. We might want to own a yacht in our mind or be president of the United States, but most of us are aware that these thoughts are just a fantasy, “mind candy” if you want to call it that. Most people can usually tell the difference between PRACTICAL and IMPRACTICAL thoughts that occur in the mind and use their minds efficiently by putting almost all of their efforts into one: meeting their every day responsibilities, and two: making reasonable plans to move forward with life. These reasonable plans and expectations will always need to be governed by an honest assessment of your own capabilities and resources. In addition, those expectations are governed by the harsh fact that we are just one of many humans on this earth, no more or less important than the next person. The world does not revolve around or conform itself to the wishes of one person, the person has to conform to the world, a fact that the narc refuses to acknowledge. To put it another way, no matter how intense our “flights of fancy”, as we mature as adults we are able to intuitively understand that our dreams need to be in line with our capabilities and resources. To give an absurd example, in their mind a person may have the opinion they are able to fly, but in reality, they know they can't fly and wouldn't be foolish enough to jump off of a bridge. It is only when this imaginary mind, the source of all of the good and great things in this world, takes control and asserts itself that people become dysfunctional. So the person who really believes they can fly, or really believes they are president, or is a yacht owner or a millionaire, has taken a short cut and just decided that their imagination doesn't need to be governed by the reality of the world. This is considered mental illness, especially when it results in the person harming themselves or others. Why not just eliminate the middle man (otherwise known as the real world) and make your fantasy world YOUR reality. No one can tell you you aren't a millionaire, or the president, or that you can't fly, you have every right to believe these things. No one has the right to try to convince you that your assertions aren't true. This is the flawed, warped logic and reasoning of the mentally ill. So how does relate to the narcissist? Well, the narc doesn't live in the extreme outward fantasies, just described. The narc is much more subtle. The narc's fantasy existence appears plausible and realistic and reasonable, but it is no less a fantasy that the extreme cases mentioned above. That makes these fantasies extremely dangerous to the people unfortunate enough to be sucked into them. The narc's damage to themselves and others is COVERT, and undetectable to most in the outside world and to themselves, only the victim that has been used as a player in one of the narc's fantasy scenarios and then realized he was not in real situation is aware of the narc's illness. The narc is hurting themselves and very severely harming others, but this is done in the most deceptive and crafty way and the narc has made a high art of extracting himself out of the problems he causes and coming out appearing to be the victim. The sad thing is that the narc convinces himself that he really is the victim, doesn't learn and then repeats the process multiple times throughout his existence, leaving a long line of actual victims in his wake. The narc intuitively chooses people and scenarios that he can gain control over and easily conceal. So a wife, for example, could choose a quick, ongoing fling with a mailman, knowing that this relationship could easily be covered up. Or if a daily encounter with a stay- at home dad arises, again there is opportunity. The narc can conceal all of these relationships and if the flings involve a married man, all the better. The narc can end these relationships undetected and all partners will benefit from denying the relationships ever existed. So, what is the problem with the narc? The narc is always indulging in and living in a fantasy world. The real life he lives is simply an act he puts on, a persona he creates, and those around him exist to provide him with narcissistic supply in the form of attention and energy. In addition, the narc is continually indulging in and conceiving additional fantasies in his mind, since even the artificial reality he creates and deceives others into entering isn't enough to satisfy him. The narc is never satisfied, because the unreal fantasy existence he creates can't satisfy in the way real life does for people who actually have the ability to appreciate real life, real relationships and have the capacity for genuine love and joy. The narc's artificial reality can't satisfy, so the narc is compelled to engage in even more mental fantasies. The problem lies in the fact that others have to be involved with the narc's fantasy world and then are destroyed by the narc as he manipulates, gaslights and otherwise distorts the realities of his victims. Normal people engage in fantasies also, but they at least have the courtesy to not expect others to take part in these fantasies and at least they see these fantasies for what they are: not real. A normal person does have dreams and plans, but they are at least more realistically achieved and the normal person is at least living in a real world, where he is not the center of the universe and not more entitled or more accomplished that those around him. Thank you as always for watching. Your comments are welcomed.

THE CHRISTIAN WARRIOR The modern day stereotype of a “warrior” is a fantasy creation of video game players and “meme” creators made up by people who have never been in real hand to hand combat (other than in their video games, or fantasy Anime world). The modern-day , warped concept of a warrior is someone who is dark, ominous,unpredictable, someone to be feared and respected because they are feared. This concept is PURE NONSENSE. Let's take a look at what God says about going into battle. God's warrior is humble, placing all trust in God, giving God the glory, and relying on God's power to make the difference, not his own. Think of David and Goliath, David's FAITH is what won that battle, God provided the victory. God's warrior is Light (not dark), accessible, mild, humble, and reluctant to go into battle, he “trains” daily, by teaching himself to listen for and do God's will. Let's take a look at the Christian warrior : Ephesians 6:13-18:

“Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints” The enemies are the “forces of darkness” the armour is in general DEFENSIVE in use, the sword is simply God's word, which cuts through evil, deceit, duplicity, and lies among other weapons of the Devil. There is nothing ominous or dangerous about the warrior of God. He is a force for good and never to be feared. Respect for the Christian warrior is a non-issue, the glory goes to God, with the warrior being a mere servant. “Praying in the Spirit” means always staying in tune with God's will, not your own.

The 9 Stages of Covert Narcissist Abuse Recovery: One Person's Perspective (account de-personalized to protect the Narcissistic abuser): Please Note: This is the relationship from the victim's point of view: Initial situation: The abuse victim has been in a relationship which has lasted over 3 years and has made himself totally vulnerable. The victim has planned all of his future with the needs and desires of his narc partner being of primary importance. The victim has NEVER heard of Covert narcissism and can't conceive of this type of person even existing. He trusts his partner implicitly. He is certainly aware that the partner sometimes embellishes stories and has caught the partner in lies that they refuse to admit to, the victim attributes this to “ no one is perfect”. The victim sometimes can't understand the narc's occasional apparent callousness, subtle, but obvious shifting of their loyalty away from the relationship, and apparent lack of empathy in situations that any normal human being would be concerned and offer support, let alone an intimate partner. Any concerns brought up to the narc are easily explained away by the narc and the victim, being 100 percent committed to the relationship, is eager to believe the explanations. Occasional arguments with the narc do puzzle the victim, because there are often no logical reasons for the arguments and there is never any gain or resolution from the arguments. These arguments simply serve to disturb the peace of the relationship. Pain with no gain or actual regression. What is the point? When trying to actually have meaningful discussions that may resolve problems in the relationship, the victim somehow never gets anywhere with the narc and subconsciously does get frustrated. The victim tries every method possible to move the relationship forward and forge solid plans for the future, but the narc is constantly shifting their views and modifying past conversations to make them mean something different than was actually intended. Even worse the narc subtly changes statements the victim has made in the past, changing the meaning and intent of what was said by the victim. In addition, the narc sometimes presents themselves as an authority on a subject they don't understand, and the victim has long ago learned NEVER to tell the narc “you don't know what you are talking about”. Lastly, the narc sometimes uses reasoning and logic in incoherent ways, almost as if they don't integrate their thoughts or have a core belief system that they rely on for decision making, viewing the world, and learning from life. One example of this is that the narc will tie together two unrelated things, making one event the cause and the other, unrelated event the effect, then tie these two events to a nonsensical conclusion that furthers an argument or an agenda that the narc is trying to achieve. I guess to simplify things the narc seeks an outcome or conclusion FIRST, then warps reasoning and actual events into a reality that supports that nonsensical conclusion. The narc literally wants to be in control of reality- the reality of the past, the present and the future, and this is one method of changing the past and immediate present. More frustration and more items on the list of things to resolve for the victim who is serious about having a deep, meaningful, healthy, joyful, satisfying relationship with the narc. The victim always has hope that it's only a matter of time before he can finally understand the narc and give them what they need so that the relationship can move forward and truly be healthy, functional and satisfying. The victim is totally vulnerable, totally in love with, and totally devoted to the narc partner. The victim believes in and trusts the narc 100 percent and has total Faith in their narc partner. The narc in turn always re-emphasizes their love, commitment and loyalty to their victim with WORDS. It's only the narc's actions in those areas that give doubt, as well as the apparent inability to progress the relationship forward through communication. The victim actually buys the narc books on communication and tries to get things on track, but all attempts eventually fade into the ether and the victim is at a loss, but still tries to find other ways to make a great relationship (based on the narc's VERBAL feedback and the victim's hope and belief in the narc's honesty) better. Stage 1: The sudden and unexpected chain of events that results in a great relationship with the narc “loving” their partner on October 6, to a discard- “the relationship is over” -on October 11 with NOT ONE WORD spoken in between, a “dropping of the mask” with the narc literally acting like a stranger the love partner never even met before, and the narc fluidly and expertly flirting with someone 5 feet away from the victim on October 15 and a subsequent vicious physical attack on October 18 with an imposition of NO CONTACT on the victim and SERIOUS threats to the victim. Three additional aggressive encounters by the narc, with the narc being furious and re- emphasizing they don't want ANY conversation or communication whatsoever with the victim and repeating and doubling down on very serious threats against the victim. The victim is terrorized and paralyzed and for over 6 weeks, fearing for his life and the safety of his pets and those around him. The victim can't eat or sleep and all the while he tries to contact the partner and get some resolution,- NONE will be offered. Stage 2: The victim has just lost the love of his life and is shocked by what the narc has done, as well as terrorized by the incredible threats made to him. The victim never thought the narc capable of any of the actions just mentioned, so the victim tries to understand- he needs answers and some closure from the narc. The narc refuses any resolution to the situation, only making the victim at total fault for the breakup. Internet searches by putting in the unusual behavior of the narc, points the victim to a condition called covert narcissism (also referred to as inverted narcissism, as the victim later finds out). The victim then embarks on a painful journey of discovery, finding answers to what the previous 3 plus years of his life were really about. Stage 3: The victim doesn't want to accept or believe his partner is really a narc and continues trying to understand this condition. There are different types of narcs, the condition is on a spectrum. Yes most narcs can't be cured, but maybe his narc CAN. Stage 4: In an effort to find out what went wrong with the relationship, the victim learns that the narc was already “shopping” new partners online and flirting with men on the internet and then comes the real shock: the narc is already intimately involved with someone on line and possibly has already hooked up with this person, since they don't live that far away. Stage 5: The victim then tries to engage the partner on the social site that gave the narc their new persona, “life mission” and “soul mate”, and is subject to the cruelest form of gas lighting, mind games and triangulation by the narc and the new intimate partner. The new intimate partner gloats about having taken away the victim's lover and makes vicious and SERIOUS indirect threats against the narc's previous partner, also known as our victim. The narc indirectly also makes it clear how superior the new love interest is to the victim and how she adores, admires, respects and is bonded to the new partner as well as how much she and her new partner have in common. KEEP IN MIND this is literally 6 weeks after the victim was told “I love you” by the narc and the future relationship was on track. Stage 6: After weeks of abuse, incredible intimidation and fear, the victim decides to go to the authorities and file a report, ONLY for defensive reasons. The victim also gets on the aforementioned social site, building his own page and begins to get back a sense of himself. He gets to a point where he is no longer afraid of the narc and definitely is, and WAS NEVER afraid of the weasel (actually a complicit flying monkey if you want to be accurate) that is her new intimate partner. This progresses to the point where the new lover is confronted by the victim to follow through on his threats. The new partner turns out to be a coward and our victim finally gets back some of the self- respect, dignity, and self confidence that was torn from him. Stage 7: The victim begins having clarity and slowly realizes the incredibly warped, insane, surreal situation he was in with the narc, without ever having known it. He finally gets answers to all of the bizarre, unexplained behavior of the narc and through discovering that narcs are all very similar and that the victims all have similar experiences, he realizes that he was NOT to blame for any of the things that happened to him, even though the narc convinced him otherwise. His behavior to the breakup, lack of closure, and difficulty getting over the narc was all totally NORMAL behavior that a normally healthy human being who truly loves their partner would have exhibited. As time goes by, the victim is finally able to have positive thoughts, hope and optimism again and suddenly everything changes. The victim can clearly see a bright optimistic future for himself and has the epiphany that the narc is still living in the sewer that is located in their mind. The narc will probably never get out of that sewer, because they are comfortable living there. Stage 8: The victim looks back on the experience with the narc and sees it for the tragedy that it was. There was NO GOOD in the relationship. The victim realizes that, without a doubt, he would have been better off NEVER having met the narc. The life experience gained may have matured the victim, but only to the extent he is now aware to be on the lookout for these filthy demons that sometimes have the appearance of an angel that was sent from heaven. The narc is DEFINITELY not an inhabitant of heaven. They prefer the darkness, deception and lies that they have lived their whole lives in and will continue to live in. Stage 9: The narc no longer has any hold on the victim and although the victim still thinks about the narc, this becomes less and less. The victim now thinks of the narc with the same indifference that the narc always thought of him – no emotions or feelings. The narc is of NO CONSEQUENCE to the victim. Healing is now clearly evident, but the victim now knows that the narc may well make another appearance in the future to destroy anything that has been rebuilt. The victim will make sure to get strong and be prepared IF this ever happens. The victim is actually hoping to NEVER see or hear from the narc again. The narc wanted the relationship and eventually got the relationship with the victim and then the narc wanted nothing to do with the victim and achieved that also. So to the narc I say: “Well done, you won and got everything you ever wanted. You screwed up my life with impunity. Savor your victory, you are truly a better, more powerful, more capable person than I will ever hope to be, or even could aspire to be. Let me clarify: In the areas of lies, deceit, mind games, disloyalty, duplicity, callousness, cruelty. Yes, in those ares you are unparalleled and unbeatable, a true champion, your power in those areas is incredible. Well done!! In conclusion: Is there a “Stage 10” or more? Is this the end of the story? I sincerely hope so, but at this point I can't say I know for sure. The only thing I know for sure is that I am happier than I have been for a long time, to think of it, sort of like I was before the narc ever darkened my doorstep. I guess that's progress, and maybe, hopefully a happy ending to a situation that could have ended very badly for me, the victim. Thank you as always for watching. I hope these videos provide you with as much comfort as other people's accounts have done for me. Stay strong, hold on, do whatever it takes to get away from these narcs and inform yourself about their evil ways. But YOU have to know what path is best for YOU. We are all different and each person's path to recovery is different. Peace and tranquility and joy are possible and will be felt by you again, once the narc's toxins and poisons have been processed and are out of your system. You have the ability to love, the ability to feel joy, the ability to have all of the positive emotions this world has to offer and that is why the narc chose you and extracted every ounce of positivity and goodness from you before they threw you away like useless garbage. You have the ability to regenerate those positive things on your own and be a clear, sane thinker once again. The narc doesn't have the capability of generating these things on their own- they depend on others. Remember that.

The Narcissist Promises Heaven, But Delivers Hell The narcissist is, by design, a dishonest partner, never having any intention of presenting their true selves in a relationship. A normal relationship is where both partners get to know each other and make an earnest effort to compromise and adapt to each other, with the idea of creating a bond that will last forever in a relationship that is carefully crafted over time. A normal relationship is based on mutual respect and true love and concern for the partner. In a healthy relationship that love and respect grow and provide the incentive to get to know the partner on a deeper and deeper level. The more intimate the relationship, the more vulnerable each partner makes themselves and the deeper the relationship becomes. This creates a deep loyalty. An honest partner is interested in continually improving and growing the relationship and the bond and the love and loyalty. The narcissist isn't interested in any of the above for a number of reasons. First and foremost, his ability to love is nonexistent or very weak, second he has no empathy, or interest in knowing his love partner, third, the narcissist is not dedicated to honesty and has little genuine respect for his partner. In short all of the important things required for a solid and satisfying relationship are absent in the narc. So the narc is forced to put on an act and mimic what comes across as genuine emotional investment, love , concern, empathy, commitment, respect, and loyalty. The narc doesn't comprehend any of these emotions only what they appear like on the outside, so he approaches a relationship from a totally different perspective. Unfortunately, to the partner the narc appears normal and on the same page and genuinely interested in a healthy relationship. The giveaways are that the narc does occasionally slip. There are times where lack of empathy, lack of loyalty, lack of honesty, and lack of genuine love make a brief visit to the surface of the narc's personality, but the narc explains the situations away and the narc's partner is all too willing to believe the narc's excuses. Because the narc is unable to experience any of the emotions necessary in creating a truly satisfying relationship, he doesn't have the incentives needed to build the relationship and is also incapable of appreciating or enjoying a relationship and therefore he doesn't really value the relationship for any of the correct reasons. Instead, the narc sees a relationship as a source of fuel, or narcissistic supply. This means the relationship itself has no real value, only the energy that can be extracted from it and sadly, there is no real love or appreciation for the partner. The narc is truly putting on an act or wearing a mask and playing a game, unfortunately the rest of the world, especially the intimate partner, is serious and unaware that below the normal appearing surface the narc has none of the positive emotions or intentions that he is portraying. Only occasional “glitches” will give a glimpse of the real person behind the mask and it is never a pretty sight. So, now that the groundwork for the narc's mentality and attitude towards relationships has been established, let's talk about the promises that are made or implied by the narc in a relationship. It boggles the normal person's mind when a person that is “100 percent in”, “totally committed to” a relationship for years, overnight becomes a different person and leaves a relationship with no remorse, leaving behind all of the commitment and all of the promises made to the partner. The reason for the narc leaving, if one is given at all, makes no sense or is simply something that a normal person who loves there partner would understand. So here is what I think has been going on. The narc, by his very nature is never serious about a relationship the way a normal person would be. To the narc it is a game and he will say, do, and promise whatever it it takes to achieve the goal of obtaining his narcissist supply or the love and devotion of his partner. Intuitively knowing that he never has any intentions of fulfilling all of the promises he makes leaves him free to promise just about anything. The promise might just be an implied lifetime commitment or love or loyalty or devotion to the partner, or for a man a promise of great future wealth to the unsuspecting female partner. None of it is a problem, because the narc will always have a good excuse for why they haven't delivered on the promises. At best the partner might just get disappointing news that the promised future wealth just disappeared due to unforeseen or unexpected circumstances. The partner, now hooked, lovingly understands. When instead, a narc simply tires of a relationship and has found a new source of supply in another partner, the narc employs a different strategy. Alternatively, the partner may begin to show signs of independence and unwillingness to allow the narc to control them, or the partner may start showing signs of being aware of the narc's act. Any of these are reason enough for the narc to seek fresher fields. Usually the narc will set up a set of circumstances that will make the partner seem like they are at fault for causing the breakup. The reason given is frequently makes no sense, or the narc baits the partner into getting upset and then uses the partner's reaction as the reason for the breakup. The narc then makes a hasty retreat with no discussion or conversation had, otherwise known as the discard. The narc, having no empathy, first of all has no incentive to help his now useless former partner because there is “nothing in it” for him. Second, the narc at least partially understands that he has done something wrong by breaking up with the partner. Third, the narc also knows that the excuses and lies he has made for the breakup may not stand up to scrutiny, so it is best to remain silent and “no contact”. In conclusion, the narc makes incredible and outrageous promises and is free to do so, because he will always have a good excuse or an exit strategy lined up if there is ever the risk of having to deliver on the promises. The victim promised HEAVEN, is left with the reality of a true HELL on earth when the narc discards them with no remorse and no contact and no closure.

Another important thing to note about the narcissist's relationships that underscores the fact that they are not serious about having a real relationship and that they don't value or love the person they are seeking a relationship with is the indiscriminate nature of the choice they make in partners. Since the narc isn't looking for a partner to love and respect, but just someone to extract energy or narcissistic supply from and manipulate, their partner can be a janitor, a mailman, a doctor, a lawyer or even a stay-at-home father that isn't working that gives the narc the opportunity for an easily concealed thrill. Their partner can be older or younger than them, or not even good looking. The income level of a new partner is not important to the narc if they have another partner paying the bills, since the narc never expects to have a permanent relationship with the new partner. They will convince a new partner in any way necessary that they are serious and committed to the relationship and promise the new partner they are planning a life with them and love them, simply to string them along and extract their fuel. All the while the narc plans his exit strategy as just previously described. Every relationship scenario is just seen as a different set of variables to manipulate to the narcissist's advantage. The narc's partner choices are merely pawns and three dimensional objects for the narcissist's use. The narcissist will be able to manipulate the people that are in the lower status and intelligence category more easily and be able to extract higher quality fuel from those partners of higher status and intelligence. No matter their status, every one of the narc's partners will be discarded if there is no more energy to extract from them. The narc's insatiable desire for a new experience makes them continually seek relationships with all categories of people, since they are never satisfied. So let's re-emphasize the common theme. The narc doesn't cherish, understand, appreciate, or seek out a healthy relationship with a love partner. The narc doesn't have the capacity to love, appreciate, or respect another human being in a relationship, they only view their partner as a source of narcissistic supply or fuel, this makes the partner disposable and the narc has no intention of a lifetime commitment to any one person, unless that lifetime relationship provides something of benefit to the narc. The narc will feign love, commitment, respect, remorse, empathy, anything necessary if it is needed to maintain their narcissistic supply. The narc may experience “withdrawal symptoms” if the partner unexpectedly exits the relationship, but this is not due to sadness about losing the person, it's all about pride, having their sense of “being in control” shattered. The narc will not miss the partner in the normal way or be heartbroken, they will miss the energy supply and any desire to get the relationship back is all about regaining control over the relationship or getting back the energy supply. Healing from narcissistic abuse can be a long process. Knowledge is the key to understanding what happened to you. This unfortunately requires understanding the dark inner recesses and warped motivations of the narc's mind. That mind isn't a swamp, it's more like a sewer and you need to explore it to understand and get healthy. Take heart, you will get better and once again go out into the fresh air and sunlight and you will be able to experience things with new insight and be armed with knowledge and wisdom that will equip you to spot and avoid these evil creatures in the future. You have the capacity to love, to deeply feel, to experience joy. The narc will never have these things and always be unhappy and dissatisfied. Once again, thank you for watching, your comments are always welcome.