The Narcissist and their Fantasy World: If They Could Only Keep it to Themselves Just about all of the great achievements of humanity started out in a person's mind and imagination. These achievements can be in art or science, in inventions, in social ideas, the list goes on. To give a few examples, the United States was an idea before it came into existence, music, sculpture and paintings are all conceived in the mind first. On a personal level, we all have hopes and dreams and plans for the future. We might want to own a yacht in our mind or be president of the United States, but most of us are aware that these thoughts are just a fantasy, “mind candy” if you want to call it that. Most people can usually tell the difference between PRACTICAL and IMPRACTICAL thoughts that occur in the mind and use their minds efficiently by putting almost all of their efforts into one: meeting their every day responsibilities, and two: making reasonable plans to move forward with life. These reasonable plans and expectations will always need to be governed by an honest assessment of your own capabilities and resources. In addition, those expectations are governed by the harsh fact that we are just one of many humans on this earth, no more or less important than the next person. The world does not revolve around or conform itself to the wishes of one person, the person has to conform to the world, a fact that the narc refuses to acknowledge. To put it another way, no matter how intense our “flights of fancy”, as we mature as adults we are able to intuitively understand that our dreams need to be in line with our capabilities and resources. To give an absurd example, in their mind a person may have the opinion they are able to fly, but in reality, they know they can't fly and wouldn't be foolish enough to jump off of a bridge. It is only when this imaginary mind, the source of all of the good and great things in this world, takes control and asserts itself that people become dysfunctional. So the person who really believes they can fly, or really believes they are president, or is a yacht owner or a millionaire, has taken a short cut and just decided that their imagination doesn't need to be governed by the reality of the world. This is considered mental illness, especially when it results in the person harming themselves or others. Why not just eliminate the middle man (otherwise known as the real world) and make your fantasy world YOUR reality. No one can tell you you aren't a millionaire, or the president, or that you can't fly, you have every right to believe these things. No one has the right to try to convince you that your assertions aren't true. This is the flawed, warped logic and reasoning of the mentally ill. So how does relate to the narcissist? Well, the narc doesn't live in the extreme outward fantasies, just described. The narc is much more subtle. The narc's fantasy existence appears plausible and realistic and reasonable, but it is no less a fantasy that the extreme cases mentioned above. That makes these fantasies extremely dangerous to the people unfortunate enough to be sucked into them. The narc's damage to themselves and others is COVERT, and undetectable to most in the outside world and to themselves, only the victim that has been used as a player in one of the narc's fantasy scenarios and then realized he was not in real situation is aware of the narc's illness. The narc is hurting themselves and very severely harming others, but this is done in the most deceptive and crafty way and the narc has made a high art of extracting himself out of the problems he causes and coming out appearing to be the victim. The sad thing is that the narc convinces himself that he really is the victim, doesn't learn and then repeats the process multiple times throughout his existence, leaving a long line of actual victims in his wake. The narc intuitively chooses people and scenarios that he can gain control over and easily conceal. So a wife, for example, could choose a quick, ongoing fling with a mailman, knowing that this relationship could easily be covered up. Or if a daily encounter with a stay- at home dad arises, again there is opportunity. The narc can conceal all of these relationships and if the flings involve a married man, all the better. The narc can end these relationships undetected and all partners will benefit from denying the relationships ever existed. So, what is the problem with the narc? The narc is always indulging in and living in a fantasy world. The real life he lives is simply an act he puts on, a persona he creates, and those around him exist to provide him with narcissistic supply in the form of attention and energy. In addition, the narc is continually indulging in and conceiving additional fantasies in his mind, since even the artificial reality he creates and deceives others into entering isn't enough to satisfy him. The narc is never satisfied, because the unreal fantasy existence he creates can't satisfy in the way real life does for people who actually have the ability to appreciate real life, real relationships and have the capacity for genuine love and joy. The narc's artificial reality can't satisfy, so the narc is compelled to engage in even more mental fantasies. The problem lies in the fact that others have to be involved with the narc's fantasy world and then are destroyed by the narc as he manipulates, gaslights and otherwise distorts the realities of his victims. Normal people engage in fantasies also, but they at least have the courtesy to not expect others to take part in these fantasies and at least they see these fantasies for what they are: not real. A normal person does have dreams and plans, but they are at least more realistically achieved and the normal person is at least living in a real world, where he is not the center of the universe and not more entitled or more accomplished that those around him. Thank you as always for watching. Your comments are welcomed.