Is The Narcissist to Blame For EVERYTHING That Went Wrong In The Relationship? Sadly, the Answer is Often YES. Why? RELATIONSHIP FRAUD: When normal, rational, reasonable people have disagreements with another person, they look at the situation and try to figure out what went wrong. They ask themselves how could they have responded better to the situation, how did what they said or did to the other person contribute to the dispute. A person who honestly looks at things may see the other person's point of view in the dispute and come to the conclusion the other person was actually right and they were wrong. Under those circumstances, a reasonable person would go to the other party and apologize. This would be a GENUINE apology. The humbling experience and pain of realizing “you could have done better” allows a person to learn and grow from their mistakes as life goes on. The narcissist is never capable of that type of introspection and self blame, one of the key reasons they remain emotionally immature throughout life. This sets up an ironic situation. The narc will devastate a partner in a relationship and when the narc is finished with that person they invariably walk away, but only in a way that the other person is totally to blame for the collapse of the relationship. The narc is totally convinced they are blameless. For example, if they commit adultery, it is because their partner ignored their needs and they were forced into adultery out of neglect and intense loneliness. Name anything a narc does and they will immediately have a reasonable justification. Most, if not all of those justifications are half truths, outright lies or false interpretations of actual events. The narc has simply run out of opportunities to milk energy out of a person, has become bored , etc. and then they immediately begin formulating and constructing an exit strategy all the while professing love and doubling down on their false devotion to the unsuspecting partner they are about to discard. This discard will only occur after the narc has found new supply, and the plans are already well made, so that when the lever is pulled it will be all the victim's fault, and the unsuspecting victim will be left with the additional pain and scars of beating themselves into the ground for not having been good enough, and that is why the narc left. So where is the irony? No reasonable human being would ever place the blame for a failed relationship solely on the other person's shoulders, but in the case of a relationship with a narc it truly is only one person's fault. It is the narc's fault. Why? The narc has engaged in RELATIONSHIP FRAUD. What does this mean? The narc never presented an honest genuine person to their partner, the narc was never in love or committed to their partner. The narc pretended to be someone they weren't and the narc pretended to feel emotions they didn't have. The narc totally misrepresented themselves. The narc NEVER gave accurate feedback to a partner who was genuinely in love with them and genuinely committed to the narc, so that even if the narc's partner wasn't meeting the narc's needs the blame still lies with the narc, since he never gave proper feedback. The narc totally lied about all of the plans he had for a future with their partner, because they never meant any of the things they said. So the irony is that the one person who is unreasonable enough to make the outrageous and unreasonable claim that they are blameless and the other person is 100 percent at fault, is the person who is actually 100 percent to blame for everything: the narcissist and the narcissist alone. The enormity and scope of the damage that the narc has done to you is real. The longer and more intimate the contact, the deeper the damage. Most of the outside world will not understand. The majority of that damage is buried deep inside of you, in your subconscious. You are aware of only some of that damage. Quarantine the damage you are aware of from your thoughts and emotions and then gradually work on that damage one small piece at a time so that you aren't overwhelmed. Burying the damage you are aware of inside of you and denying it will destroy you, dealing with too much of the damage at one time will demoralize you. There is the possibility of this effecting you for a decade or the rest of your life, and that would be a tragedy. It's one thing to grieve over a partner that truly loved you and was worthy of your love, but let's be real about the narcissist, they are not worth that amount of effort. You need to get over the resentment and see yourself as a victim, but only allow yourself to be a victim once. You didn't deserve what the narc did to you. You weren't to blame. The narc will suffer and pay for all they have done, but not by your hand, leave it in God's hands. Call it Karma, if you like. When dark thoughts overwhelm you, say vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord (Romans 12:19, Deuteronomy 32:35, Psalm 94 1) as many times as necessary and pray to God to allow you to let it go and have peace in your life. Do anything necessary to fight those thoughts and they will go away and be of shorter duration when they come back again over time. You deserve to be happy and live in the sunlight. You deserve to be with someone who truly appreciates you for who you are, but until you work on the damage and sort yourself out you will have a hard time thinking clearly and making rational decisions. So be patient with yourself and use this time alone wisely. Build yourself up, think about your priorities in life. What is it that is really important to you? What type of life do you want to lead in the future? So are you starting to see? Who is really the fortunate one? The narc never skipped a beat and is in yet another fake, fraudulent relationship. No introspection, no trying to find out what went wrong in the previous relationship with you, the victim. No trying to understand what he could have done differently. Do you get it? Think about it. Do you really think the narc will be happy if he hasn't changed and refuses to accept blame? Do you really think things will be better with the new partner? How is that at all possible with the narc, who believes they can do no wrong? Do you really think that someone who walked away and never honored the commitment they made to you, the victim, will all of the sudden change and be truly committed to another person? The proof is how they treated you and totally denied any blame at all, and you now know that it was literally almost all their fault. That is the insight that changes everything if you can truly comprehend it. Peace be with you. May the love, joy, and peace of the Lord Jesus Christ surround you and fill you with hope. Focus on Jesus and all of the pain goes away. He knows all that you have been through, every last ounce of pain and suffering and has saved every one of your tears in a bottle (Psalm 56 8) and He will wipe away those tears. Why go it alone, when Jesus is there to help. Thank You for watching this video, comments are welcomed.