Healing from Narcissistic Abuse When suddenly coming to the realization, the unbelievable realization, that the person that you loved and you thought loved you was just a false mask, a person who never really existed, the damage to your psyche is incredibly difficult to cope with. There is no one way to process the fact that years of your life were lived in an unreal, warped fantasy world, created in the mind of a mentally diseased human being. You took that person seriously, you believed in them, you trusted them, you had Faith in them, you thought you knew them at the deepest core of their being. Then the sudden discard with no remorse and an instant new relationship and they become a different person, someone you never knew. A totally different person that you never saw before after all of those years in an intimate relationship. The shock to the system is more than some people can bear, the average mind wasn't made to cope with this scenario, one in which your closest confidant, a person you made yourself totally vulnerable to, becomes a stranger overnight and sometimes even an enemy. This is compounded by the fact that they are in a new relationship that has, seemingly overnight become intimate. To add to the cruelty the narc takes every opportunity possible to let you know how much better the new lover is than you are and how inadequate you are in comparison. The callousness of the narc is something you never would have thought them capable of. The full impact of this new reality is too much for the mind of most people to cope with, so first you tell yourself this can't possibly be true. The narc couldn't really be that cold blooded, after all you know them, they really are a good person, aren't they? You keep on searching for evidence that would give a legitimate reason for them to be acting the way they did. You make excuses, you do whatever it takes to cover up the harsh reality that they really never loved you. You walk around a shell of a person, hollow on the inside, since the narc was in every atom of your being, they existed in every breath you took, they occupied every ounce of your heart and mind, and now they are gone, and they took everything inside of you with them. Sadly, they took everything from you, then proceeded to throw it in the garbage in pursuit of a new life. You look the same on the outside, but you are only a shadow of yourself. It takes every effort to just get through a single day. You search for answers and discover there are people who are inverted, or covert narcissists. You learn that it isn't your fault, what happened to you and then you can begin to heal. You let the pain teach you and guide you into looking at yourself and finding answers as to what went on during the relationship. You revise every thought you had about that person over the years and you revise the meaning of every comment that person ever made to you and slowly you come to your senses and understand and accept that no, the narc was never serious about the relationship, the narc never loved you. More shocking than anything else, you can clearly see the extent to which this person lied to you, recalling how some of the statements the narc made were contradictory or impossible to have occurred the way they were presented. You then realize some of the extraordinary claims made by the narc, that you believed, were just more fictitious constructs. You realize that over time the narc had less and less respect for you and along with the lessening of your value came and increase in the percentage of lies. Time goes on and you begin to regain a sense of yourself, rebuild, repair, heal. You have periods of relative peace and the beginnings of happiness, then the horrible reality hits and takes hold of you again, and you don't know if you can last another day alive. Those bouts of intense emotional pain and agony get less over time, but are somehow almost more intense than they were in the beginning of the breakup, mainly because you are seeing the situation in it's full ugly reality. You have finally got the strength to accept the fact that that person you loved is a narc and all that that implies. Over time the periods of happiness and peace become longer and longer in duration. Yes you have suffered terribly for months and will suffer for a lot longer, but then you realize something that changes everything. Your narc has avoided punishment, they immediately found comfort in the arms of another while you were left alone, with no support, to cope with the incredible damage the narc created in you. Then you realize that, for you at least, the worst is over, you can see that each day you are getting stronger and healthier, You are thinking more clearly again, you have grown and maybe even benefited from the suffering. The narc, on the other hand, is still in the world of lies and deception, self-deception, and avoidance that they will never escape from. They have to live with the knowledge of their terrible deeds, or continue to lead a sad life of mental dysfunction and denial. So, in a way they are going to suffer for their misdeeds one way or another. You have fully healed when the narc has as little value to you as you have to them, when you no longer believe in them or have Faith in them. When you realize you have wasted your time with them, and that any thoughts you have of helping them are wasted energy that they don't want, can't appreciate, and won't make a difference. God alone can help them, and pray for them if you like, but the narc probably would prefer you didn't pray, after all they aren't ready to give up being the god of their self-created world and universe.