Childhood Origins of Narcissism The Narc's main problem is that they project a false image to the world and mask their true inner self. They are able to change masks easily and disown their previous selves, lives and relationships with no tinge of remorse, or sentiment. The process of projecting false selves over the course of a lifetime results in a person who has lost his sense of identity and isn't even familiar with his own core self. The lack of value placed on his own true self is also extended, or projected to his view and treatment of others. The Narc thinks of others as three dimensional objects and sees no value in the person other than the use he can get out of them, the inner core of another human being is simply a source of energy to be tapped. The narc can't appreciate or love another human being, because the concept of a genuine human being, who's exterior reflects the inner self is a foreign to the narc. The Narc, as self-centered as he is, ironically has no love for his own self and extends this lack of self love to others by not being able to love another human being. So how does such a sad state of affairs occur? There may well be a genetic component or genetic predisposition to narcissism, but the environment of the developing child, especially in the first 5 years of life- but extending all the way into early adolescence, is probably the deciding factor that creates the adult narcissist. The first scenario is a child growing up that may only have one parent and that parent neglects that child by not giving the child any praise or positive feedback. The child learns that the only way they can receive any acknowledgment or positive attention is if they “put on an act”, and become what the parent wants them to be. They are never valued for the person they are on the inside, never given unconditional love or any love at all. The child is sometimes also forced into a role or given a responsibility that should never be placed upon him. Examples of this are when one child is forced to be the “mother” or caretaker of younger siblings or emotional incest, where the parent confides in the child and dumps their emotional garbage on the child for the child to digest. Bottom line, the child is either never allowed to be themselves, due to unwarranted responsibilities placed upon him, or the child needs to play an unnatural persona to get positive attention from the parent. Either way the lesson learned by the child is that their true self has NO VALUE, only the false self, or act they put on, or unnatural role they are forced into has any acknowledged value. Love isn't given to the child, and he therefore never understands or values love as an adult. Conversely, the child creates a false self that is omnipotent and invulnerable as a defense mechanism used to absorb hurt, criticism, trauma and abuse and deflect it away from and protect the real self. The pattern of role playing and the putting on of false masks then becomes set in stone and becomes a lifetime pattern in the adult narc. The next scenario is of the child that is deified and never given proper negative feedback. The child intuitively knows that some of the praise he receives is unwarranted and therefore, strangely also can't connect the praise to his true inner self. This results in a child that has a sense of entitlement that expects praise at all times and can't understand why anyone would ever give them the slightest negative feedback. The egos of these narcissists are totally out of proportion to their true abilities to accomplish something, so once again their TRUE SELF is not “valued” properly. This deification by the parents has multiple possible causes. A “strong-willed” child, that is high maintenance, but has parents who are unwilling or unable to meet the challenge, so they allow the child to have his own way. Parents who purposely inflate the child's ego under the premise of “the more self-esteem, the better” the more successful as an adult. These parents fail to realize the value of “NO” or the discipline gained by teaching a child a sense of delayed gratification and valuing and appreciating the simpler things in life. They fail to realize that it is healthy for a child to reflect upon having not done something well, having made a mistake, and needing to improve or do better. This requires NEGATIVE feedback, but it is correct feedback and the only way the child will ever be able to truly evaluate their own progress as an adult. Correct self-evaluation and healthy introspection are the keys to successful growth as an adult. The last category, parents who want to live out their dreams through their children and oftentimes start the child very early in activities and responsibilities such as sports, entertainment,or scholastic achievements in an effort to leapfrog the child's peers. This robs the child of a true childhood, and once again the child gets the impression that the only value he has is when he “isn't himself” but rather pays the false and unnatural role the parent expects of him. In summary, the under indulged child becomes a narcissist because he is only valued when in the role of a false self. The narc who grows up getting it “his own way” and expecting it as an adult is also living a life where the person he believes himself to be, the accomplished person who makes no mistakes and is “ beyond reproach” and is owed everything by the world simply by virtue of his presence also intuitively knows that this is not the real him, but could never cope with the truth of his own mediocrity and therefore denies the existence of his TRUE core self. The child pushed into early accomplishments and given huge strokes of the ego, also intuitively understands that his true inner self isn't valued, only the false and unnatural self – the self the parents expect, has any value. None of these children are given accurate feedback on their true inner selves, in fact their inner selves aren't even acknowledged, either due to neglect, willful ignorance by a parent that thinks pointing out flaws in their child is “damaging”, a strong-willed child that is allowed to “win” and the parents are afraid to point out any flaws, or a child that is simply expected to excel, when at an age that their inner self just wants to be a child.